Preface: Some Notes on Continuity
Where this fits in Clannad: The events of this story occur following Kotomi's route in the visual novel. In other words, this Nagisa did not end up with Tomoya Okazaki and experience the events of After Story. In her own route, as well as in Fuko's and Koumura’s, she becomes sick and is unable to finish her third year with Tomoya and the others. This story assumes this happens after the events of Kotomi's route too.
Where this fits in Katawa Shoujo: Katawa Shoujo takes place during the 2007-2008 school year. Nagisa was born in 1986 and is in her third senior year, so this story starts over a year before the events of the visual novel, during the 2006-2007 school year. In other words, the heroines we know from KS are in their second year and Hisao Nakai is still in Chiba, blissfully unaware of his heart condition. The KS heroines aren’t the focus of this story, Nagisa and her fellow third-year students (OCs) are. However, you can expect to see them from time to time. Some more than others
Art by Beroki
TABLE OF CONTENTS:
Chapter 1 (This Post)
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 1
This feels a lot like last year.
It's the first day of the school year and I'm standing at the bottom of a hill. My school is at the top. And I'm having a hard time taking that first step.
I just ate dorayaki at a tea house. My parents took me there yesterday, and it was really tasty, so I went again this morning. It was worth walking down the hill, but now I'm not sure I want to go back up.
Sometimes, when I have to do something really scary, food is the only thing that motivates me. It gives me something to look forward to. When I woke up today, my first thought was that I wanted to get on a bus and go back home. But instead, I got ready for my first day in a scary new place and put on my new uniform. That’s why I deserved a reward.
I’m not sure how I feel about the new uniform. I wore my old one for four years and got very attached to it. I was very sad to leave it at home.
It feels strange to be wearing something so different. The forest green skirt is cute, and I like the bow, but the shoulders on the blouse are a little bulky. I think I’ll get used to it with time. Maybe by the time I graduate I'll be just as attached to this uniform.
This will be my third try at finishing my last year of high school. I get sick all the time. So sick that I can't do anything but stay in bed for months. So, I haven't been able to attend school enough to pass my exams. That's why I’m 19 and I still haven't graduated high school. Even if all goes according to plan this year, I’ll be 20 by the time I graduate.
Last year, my second attempt at completing high school started off so much better than I could have hoped. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to make friends because all the people I knew had graduated. But then, I became part of a wonderful circle of friends. I loved them all. They even helped me create a club.
It all fell apart though. I got sick and couldn't finish the year. They all graduated and moved on while I was stuck in bed. And now I’m doing my third year. Again.
I miss all my friends, but Tomoya is the dearest to me of them all. So dear to me that I fell in love with him. About a year ago, at the bottom of a different hill, he gave me the push I needed to make the climb and go to school when I was really scared. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have met any of my friends last year.
I clench my eyes shut and take a deep breath. I picture the boy who gave me that push.
Tomoya, I could use another push right about now…
I shake my head.
I can do this on my own. Tomoya gave me the push I needed. He helped me make friends and start the drama club. But I did a lot on my own too. I can do this on my own. It does make it easier though, knowing he would want me to do this.
“Dorayaki,” I whisper to myself as I take my first step. I have an extra one in my bag so that I can reward myself with another one for making it through the day.
As I make my way up the hill, I wonder what they might have in the cafeteria later. At lunch today, I can pick out something they serve there as a reward. One that’s on campus.
After I got sick last year, my parents started looking into sending me to a different school. One for students whose medical issues make it harder for them to go to a regular school. One that would work with me to stay on track to graduate even if I got sick.
They found one. But unfortunately, it is very far from my hometown.
I have reached the top of the hill, and I'm standing in front of a large iron gate with red brick pillars on either side. It certainly looks fancier than my old school.
This isn’t just my new school. It's a boarding school. So, it's also my new home. Yamaku Academy.
I'm not sure what to make of it yet. I only moved here yesterday but I already really miss my parents and friends. I even miss my town. I’ve spent my whole life there and gotten pretty attached to it. I miss everything so much that I cried myself to sleep last night.
But my parents and friends think this place will be good for me. My dad even put aside his silly antics when convincing me to come here. He looked more serious than I had ever seen him. That's how I know this is important.
I go through the gate and look at the time. I'm supposed to check in with the head nurse in about five minutes. Around the clock medical care is one of the benefits of going here. Having medical care on campus is a big improvement. My hometown doesn't even have its own hospital. We had to go to the next town over.
Still, talking about my health with a stranger makes me uncomfortable.
I'm standing in front of the entrance to the auxiliary building now. The nurse’s office is inside.
I clench my eyes shut, whisper “Dorayaki,” and go through the door.
A man in his early 30s greets me. He has purple hair, a lab coat, and a silly grin. He reminds me a little of my father in how he holds himself. It makes me feel a little more comfortable.
Nervously, I squeeze out the words, “H-hello, sir.…I have an appointment with…the n-nurse.”
The man's grin gets sillier, and he closes one eye.
“That would be me. You must be Furukawa.”
I nod, “It is very n-nice to meet you, sir.”
“Come into my office, and we’ll talk.”
I close my eyes for a moment, whisper, “Dorayaki,” and follow him.
“What was that?”
I feel my cheeks flush at being overheard, “N-nothing, sir.”
I follow him and sit across from his desk while he looks at the contents of a folder. His grin never leaves his face.
He looks up from the folder, “You have HIDS, is that correct?”
“Y-yes sir.”
For my whole life, doctors have said I was sickly and weak and prone to fever and that’s all there was to it. But after I got sick last year, Kotomi did everything she could to get to the bottom of my medical issues. I'm very lucky to have such a good friend. Especially one who is a genius.
After doing some research, she suggested that my doctors test me for a specific group of genetic conditions. I think she called them… ‘periodic fever syndromes.’ One of them came back positive. I was diagnosed with one called HIDS. Those letters stand for Hyperimmunoglobulin D Syndrome. I spent a lot of time memorizing that and learning to say it, but even doctors and nurses just call it HIDS.
As I understand it, having HIDS means the genes that deal with my immune system aren’t how they are supposed to be. They give bad instructions to my body, so I get flu-like symptoms even when I don't have any infection.
The nurse gets out a stethoscope and approaches me. He listens to my heart, and then my breathing. Then he gets out an infrared thermometer. While he points it at my forehead he says, “How are you feeling today?”
“G-good. Just…nervous, sir.”
He nods and smiles., “That's understandable. It's a big day.” The thermometer beeps and he checks it. “You don't have a fever, that's good. Would you mind telling me how your HIDS presents?”
“Yes sir. I get sick for a long time with a high fever, and I get so tired I can't get out of bed. S-some nausea and aches and pains too, sir.”
He smiles, “You don't need to be so formal with me. I appreciate the respect, but I would prefer you to relax a bit.” He closes one eye and grins, “Plus, you calling me ‘sir’ is making me feel old.”
I close my eyes tight out of embarrassment, “I-I’m sorry.”
I almost added a ‘sir’ but managed to stop myself.
He grins, “Not a big deal. So, how long are these episodes usually?”
I open my eyes, “At least a month…sometimes six.”
“How often do you have them?”
I sigh. “Once a year, usually.”
“Have you had an episode since you started your medication?”
There's no cure. After all, the problem is in my genes. They can't change those. At least not yet. Kotomi did say maybe someday, but not any time soon.
But I am on a new medication that is supposed to make me sick less often and for shorter periods of time.
“No, I haven't.”
He nods, “Okay. You have your own thermometer, I’m guessing?”
“Y-yes si-...I mean, yes. I take my temperature e-every morning and night and keep a journal.”
He smiles, “That’s great. You’d be surprised how many students here are lax with their situation.”
“Oh…uh-uhm…I’m sure they have their reasons.”
He laughs, “It’s nice of you to support your new classmates when you haven't met them. They are lucky to have you. Anyway, you don’t need to come to see me unless you notice your temperature is starting to trend upwards.”
“U-um…what will h-happen…?”
“Happen?”
“I-if…I get sick.”
“Well, you should come see me and I'll check you out.” He winks. “I mean that in a medical sense of course.” He pauses for a moment with a grin on his face.
It takes me a moment to get his joke. When I do I blush and look down at my hands.
He is more like my dad than I thought.
He chuckles and continues, “We'll start you on steroids and anti-fever medication, which along with your daily meds will hopefully ease your symptoms and shorten your episode.”
“Th-thank you for having it all planned. That is a relief.”
He laughs, “Of course, it's my job.”
“The teachers here will…understand if I get sick?”
He nods, “You would be excused from classes until you get better. Hopefully, with your new medication, it won't cause you problems for long. But the teachers here know how to be flexible. They'll work with you and do everything they can to help you keep up.”
I feel some tension leave my body, “Okay. Thank you so much, sir.” I sigh, “S-sorry, I forgot.”
He chuckles, “No problem, Furukawa. Have a good first day.”
I thank him again and leave the auxiliary building. I take a deep breath. That wasn't too bad. He was nice. It is a relief knowing that I have him to turn to if I get sick.
…WHEN I get sick.
Now I need to find my classroom. I hate this part. Everyone else in this class has been here together for the first two years. I feel out of place. Like an outsider. But I felt that way last year and things worked out okay.
As I walk towards the school building, I recite my mantra. This time in my head. I don't want someone to overhear me again.
Dorayaki. Dorayaki. Dorayaki.
There are other students around, but none of them try to talk to me. That's usually how it goes when you're the new girl. I think I would be embarrassed and awkward if they tried, anyway.
Just outside of my classroom, there's a large bulletin board with a sign that says, “Clubs.” I feel myself smile as I look at all the flyers. They are all very well made. More professional than my flier last year. Not as cute, though. No one used the Great Dango Family as a mascot.
It looks like they have a lot of clubs here. I thought maybe there would be fewer since the health of students might get in the way of club activities. I can see I was wrong.
As I look over the flyers, I see that there's track, astronomy, band, chorus, newspaper, art, soccer and more. My eyes linger on one flier in particular – Drama club.
I get out my notebook and excitedly write down the room number and time for the informational meeting. It's one week from today at 4:30 in the performing arts center auditorium.
The bell rings, and I hastily finish writing and go into my classroom. When I do, I find that there isn't anywhere for me to sit. The room is filled to the brim with students, and there's not an available desk. Now everyone is looking at me as I stand near the doorway, unsure what to do. The teacher isn't here yet. I feel my face turning red.
Dorayaki.
My voice cracks when I say, “Excuse me…d-does anyone know where I can…sit?”
I hear a male voice say, “Yeah. For you, my lap is available.” Several other students chuckle with him.
I clench my eyes shut in embarrassment, and then a girl aggressively says, “Shut up Ichiro. I don't want her first impression of our class to be you.” I open my eyes in time to see Ichiro recoil and the class go quiet.
The owner of the voice stands up from her front row seat and approaches me with a smile and a comforting voice that sounds very different from the one she just used. “Hi, I'm Akane. I'm the class rep. Let's go find you a desk.”
I nod, thankful for her help, and follow her into the hall.
“What's your name?”
“Nagisa.”
“Well, Nagisa. Welcome to Yamaku, and class 3-1. Sorry about Ichiro. He's the worst, and he didn't waste any time in making sure you know that.” She sighs, “I apologize for not having a desk ready for you. Our homeroom teacher isn’t exactly on top of things. I was supposed to have our class roster a week ago, but I still don’t have it. So, I didn’t know about you.”
She has an accent I don’t recognize. I understand everything she is saying, but I’ve also never heard anyone talk quite how she does. Almost every word sounds a little off, but it’s hard to put my finger on. I wonder where she’s from.
“I-it's okay. Thank you, Class Rep.”
Akane is a tall girl who has dark shoulder length hair, with fringes that cover her forehead. She wears black rimmed glasses and has brown eyes behind them. She has a commanding air about her, but somehow also feels very friendly. She reminds me a little of my friend Kyou from back home, who was also a class rep.
I follow her to a door that says, “Maintenance Staff.” She knocks on the door, and it is opened by a smiling man in his 40s with long dark hair he wears in a ponytail. He has a goatee that is starting to gray.
Akane says, “Mr. Kobayashi, can you please bring a desk to class 3-1? We are one short.”
He nods, “Sure thing.” He leaves his office and walks towards the stairs.
Akane turns around and heads back towards the classroom, and I follow her.
She continues, “I bet it's hard showing up here in your third year. We don't get a whole lot of transfer students. All the classes here are the same all three years, so everyone knows everyone.”
“I-it is a little hard.”
She smiles at me, “Just watch out for the guys, okay? Especially Ichiro. You're new. I have a feeling that means they will be extra interested.”
I stop walking and say, “W-why?”
Akane stops too and says, “Our class is 70% boys. And…you're a new girl. The first new girl since our first year, and you're pretty.”
I feel my face flush so I look down, “N-no…I'm not…”
Akane laughs, “Well, you're apparently pretty and modest. Just watch out for them, okay?” She studies me for a moment while tapping her finger on her chin. “I'm worried about you. You seem…defenseless. Why don't you come to lunch with me and my friends today? I can guarantee one of those guys is going to try to get you to eat with them, so you'll be able to say no.”
I nod, “O-okay…thank you.”
…
“Hey, Nagisa, was it? Why don't you come to lunch with me, I'll show you around campus. Help you get used to things. Show you how stuff works around here.”
Morning classes just ended, and as Akane predicted, a boy is trying to get me to go to lunch with him. It's the same boy who embarrassed me earlier. Ichiro, I think his name was. He's tall, with an athletic build. He has dark spiky hair and brown eyes. He has a cane, but one that he leans his elbow on, instead of one he holds.
“O-okay.”
From my side I hear Akane say, “Actually, she's going to lunch with me, Ichiro. Run along.” She points to the door.
He scoffs, “She said ‘okay!’ Butt out for once!”
I frown, “I-I'm sorry, I did tell her I would go to lunch with her first.”
Akane crosses her arms and pulls out her stern voice again. “See? Like I said, run along.”
Ichiro scoffs again and leaves the classroom.
Akane and I leave the classroom together. She sounds frustrated when she says, “Why were you going to go with him? Didn't I warn you? About him specifically?”
“I-I'm sorry. I'm not good at saying no. I get flustered and…I just…want people to be happy. And it seemed like he was being nice. So, I was going to do what he asked.”
He also reminds me a little of Tomoya. It's the attitude and spiky hair, I think. But it's too embarrassing to tell her that.
She stops walking and turns to look at me with a bemused grin. “You…really are defenseless, aren't you?”
“N-no. I…I don’t think so…"
“Look, Nagisa, I don't know how it was at your old school, but some of the guys here are only after one thing.” She pauses for a moment and studies me. “You…know what I mean when I say that, right?”
I nod.
“So…just be careful. If you go around doing what some guy asks you just to make him happy…well….”
I feel tears of embarrassment welling up inside me again. I clench my eyes shut to close them in. Then I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder. And I hear a gentle voice.
“I’m so sorry, Nagisa. I didn't mean to embarrass you. I shouldn’t be teasing you. I don't know you well enough for that."
I open my eyes and see her gentle smile, which makes me feel better. “N-no…I’m sorry. I’m just…a crybaby. It's worse than normal right now. I’m…having a hard time, I-I'm sorry.”
She smiles and squeezes my shoulder, “You don't have to apologize when you're the one who is upset, okay?”
I nod and smile back.
“You let me know if I can do anything to help you adjust, okay? It's kind of my job as class rep.”
I smile back, “Thank you. You're already helping. You're a very good class rep.”
…
We go through the cafeteria line, and I am very happy to see that it is far more relaxed here than it was at my old school. There is plenty of food and it isn't insanely crowded. They have a pork cutlet sandwich too, one of my main rewards from back home. I can mix it in with dorayaki now.
Now Akane and I are standing in front of a table with two other girls. She puts her tray down and uses animated gestures when she says, “Hey, you two. This is Nagisa. She's a third-year transfer student.” She looks at me while she continues to move her hands as she speaks, “Usually we have a fourth, but she's out sick today.”
One of the seated girls, a pretty blond with blue eyes, gives me a warm, welcoming smile. It makes me smile back. “Hello Nagisa, I'm Lilly, it's lovely to meet you.” She pats on the seat next to her and moves an object next to her that I don't recognize. It looks like metal sticks bundled together, “Would you like to have a seat next to me?”
“Um…y-yes. Thank you very much.” I take a seat next to Lilly, who I notice is much taller than I am. I always feel small, but next to her I really feel it. It would be generous to say that my head goes up to her shoulder.
Akane sits down next to a girl with short blue hair and glasses, and they start gesturing to each other.
Akane says, “Shizune says hi.”
Oh. That was sign language a minute ago.
I smile at Shizune and say, “Hi. It's very nice to m-meet you. It means a lot to me that you are all so welcoming. Thank y-you all very much for your kindness and generosity.”
Akane moves her hands as I’m speaking. I know she must be translating, but it's a bit distracting. It will take some getting used to. Shizune smiles and nods to me.
Lilly says, “My, you’re a polite one, aren't you?”
“U-um…am I?”
Lilly giggles, “You are. I think it's a good thing. People tease me for being too polite, though. So perhaps I’m not the best judge.”
As Lilly turns to speak to me, I notice she is looking over my head when she does. I also notice now that her blue eyes are very cloudy. She also moves her hands slowly and delicately to find her cup before taking a drink from it.
She's blind.
Akane laughs. “Shizune says it doesn't sound as pompous coming from Nagisa.”
Lilly clicks her tongue and pouts, “See, Nagisa? Even my own very dear cousin teases me.”
This makes me giggle, “My family teases me a lot too. It must be nice being here with each other. I…miss my family quite a lot. Even the teasing.”
Lilly laughs softly, “There are certainly pros and cons.”
Akane laughs, “That's exactly what Shizune said. You two sure are alike for people who butt heads all the time.”
The two cousins look annoyed by Akane's assessment. Which I think might prove her point.
“Are you both third years too?”
Lilly shakes her head. “We are in our second year. But we're class reps too, that's how we first met Akane.”
I smile, “Wow. You're all…so dedicated to the school. That's very impressive.”
Lilly and Akane laugh while Shizune looks at me like I’m some sort of animal she’s never seen before.
Akane says, “Wait, wait, wait…you're serious, aren't you? Most people around here who said those words would be mocking us. But you aren't.”
I shake my head. “You're all working hard to help students, and the school. I really think that's wonderful.”
Akane and Shizune exchange a look and Lilly says, “Thank you, Nagisa. I'm glad you view it that way.”
Akane laughs at something Shizune signs and brushes her hair back behind her ear. Only now do I notice that she has a hearing aid. It isn’t like the ones I’ve seen before, though. It has two pieces. One behind her ear, and one a ways above her ear and attached to her scalp. When she turns to look at me and Lilly, now that I know what to look for, I see she also has one on her other ear. They are both black like her rather thick hair, so I didn't notice them at first.
“Again, Shizune said the same thing.”
Lilly sighs, “Well, that's not surprising in this case. I think we all appreciate someone as earnest as Nagisa. We don't get much praise.”
Shizune signs something to Akane, who sighs and says, “She wants to know if you’ll join student council. Lilly and Shizune are both in it. So is our friend who isn’t here today.”
“Wh-what? No. I would…just get in the way. But…I think it's great that you do that.”
Akane relays Shizune's message “Let me know if you change your mind.”
Akane rolls her eyes at something else Shizune signs. “You should make sure you're in some club. Don't be lazy like so many students around here.” Akane sighs. “Her words, not mine. Clubs aren't for everyone. I’m not in a club, for example. Class rep responsibilities and tutoring is enough for me. And yet, she’s still calling me lazy.”
Lilly says, “Surely, she wouldn’t include you, Akane. Your work as a tutor is just as demanding as any club, if not more so.”
Shizune signs something and Akane says, “Yep, she is. She says don’t end up like me. Join a club.” She punctuates the sentence with another eye roll.
“Oh, I love clubs. I think students working together towards a common goal is…just wonderful.”
Shizune’s eyebrows shoot up and she starts moving her hands the fastest I’ve seen so far. Akane laughs, “She wants to know if those of us who can hear you are really sure you aren't making fun of us. She thinks your face looks serious but is wondering about your tone.” She flashes me a smile as she continues to sign, “I’m telling her you’re serious.”
Lilly puts a hand to her mouth and laughs softly. “I was going to ask about her facial expression, I thought I might be missing something too.”
I frown and look down at the table. “Why do you all keep thinking I’m being mean?”
Akane chuckles, “You're just so sweet. I guess we must not have a lot of that around here. But you're right, we should have known you were serious from earlier. What club are you going to join?”
“Drama. That's the club I was in at my old school.”
Lilly says, “Ah, I think that is a very small club. They will be happy to have you.”
I smile, “I had to start it with some friends at my old school because people lost interest. I’m g-glad there’s a club here, even if it's small.”
Shizune signs something to Akane, who sighs. That seems to be a common response to things Shizune signs. “She says if you started a club, you have what it takes to be on the student council.”
I look down, feeling embarrassed.
I made myself sound more impressive than I am.
“Oh…w-well I had the help of…many friends. And we still never put on a play or anything…not…after I got sick.”
Akane says, “That stinks. Hopefully you can do a play here.”
I look up and smile, “Yes. I hope so.”
I just hope I can stay healthy for long enough.
…
I return to my dorm room for the evening feeling drained because of all the stress of the first day at my new school.
I sit on my bed and snuggle my dango plush.
The day went better than my first day last year. I made it up the hill without anyone having to help and I was able to talk to people on my own. I even made a few friends, I think. It’s sort of nice knowing that girls like Lilly, Shizune and Akane can relate to having their health get in the way sometimes. As much as I love my friends back home, none of them could really relate to that.
I do wonder what all my friends from back home are doing right now. Of course, none of them are there anymore. The girls all went to university, Sunohara went back home to find a job, and Tomoya's going to cram school to get into a university in Tokyo. He and Kotomi are living together. I think they will be engaged very soon from the way they both talk. They’re young but…so right for each other.
It's a good thing Kotomi straightened him out and made him want to go to university. I'm not sure what he would have done otherwise. He was so lost when I met him.
Lost like I was. Like I still am.
I squeeze the dango plush tight.
I would never have been able to do that for him. It's good they ended up together. She had such a hard childhood. And he was her long-lost childhood friend, so she has known him longer. And she’s better for him. And beautiful. And so smart. And a wonderful person. She deserves him more than I do.
But…I wish I could stop thinking about him. I would love this dango no matter what. It’s the cutest thing in the world and my friends bought it for me together when I got sick. But when I found out it was his idea to get it for me, I loved it even more.
I squeeze it a little tighter.
I look at the cell phone sitting on my desk. It has everyone's numbers in it. They made sure to put them in. Maybe I should call him.
I shake my head at my silly thoughts. He has a girlfriend. I shouldn’t be calling him, I don't think. Especially not when I feel this way about him. It wouldn't be right. Maybe I should set up a call with both of them. That might be okay.
I sigh and shake my head at myself again.
He's probably not even thinking about me. Why would he? I'm just the awkward crybaby he was friends with.
I nod to myself, feeling resolved.
I should do my best to stop thinking about him too.