Search found 258 matches

by LorSquirrel
Thu Mar 07, 2013 5:29 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Iwanako: Mean Time to Breakdown {updated 2015-4-1}
Replies: 864
Views: 433159

Re: Mean Time to Breakdown — (Iwanako, Divergence) {u 3/06/2

liking this more and more, keep it up!
by LorSquirrel
Thu Mar 07, 2013 5:04 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A Painful Past (OC). Scene 2 is up.
Replies: 75
Views: 25756

Fun facts #1

Fun Facts Of Chapter 1 Scene 3 I was originally going to have Suzu be friends with Miki in this scene but i scrapped the idea when i realized two things one: The Miki and Suzu being best buds has been bloodily beaten to death with a metal bat and I already have the cliche of a new transfer student ...
by LorSquirrel
Thu Mar 07, 2013 4:36 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A Painful Past (OC). Scene 2 is up.
Replies: 75
Views: 25756

Chapter 1 Scene 3:check up time.

Table of Contents Okay so i finished a little early hope you guys enjoy. ------------------------------------------------------- End of Chapter 1 Scene 3:Check Up Time. Three hours later and I have completely unpacked all of my belongings in my room, saw Yukiko Koneko and Yuuko off, and played go f...
by LorSquirrel
Thu Mar 07, 2013 9:07 am
Forum: Fan Works
Topic: Epic Rap Battles at Yamaku
Replies: 27
Views: 17217

Re: Epic Rap Battles at Yamaku

okay this is the most badass thing since katawa kijo
by LorSquirrel
Wed Mar 06, 2013 9:45 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: OC: Mirrors and Windows. Chapter 12 Updated
Replies: 46
Views: 13960

Re: OC: Mirrors and Windows.

Hmm... Empty rooms, recent festival, recovering Shizune. I'm thinking poor Hisao got the Manly Picnic, and people are going to be somewhat traumatized from it. Also, not to poke holes (heh) but... couldn't they do skin grafts or at least something flesh-like to cover it? I dunno, anyway, I'll be ke...
by LorSquirrel
Wed Mar 06, 2013 3:37 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: OC: Mirrors and Windows. Chapter 12 Updated
Replies: 46
Views: 13960

Re: OC: Mirrors and Windows.

Not much to say at this point, its a little short for an introductory chapter, other than that you get a hundred awesome points for the angel beats profile pic :)
by LorSquirrel
Tue Mar 05, 2013 12:23 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A Painful Past (OC). Scene 2 is up.
Replies: 75
Views: 25756

Re: A Painful Past (OC) CH 2 updated (3/3/13)

by the way i'm spending most of my time right now on studying different disabilities and some Japanese culture so I'll probably be posting Scene 3 (and maybe Scene 4) on Friday
by LorSquirrel
Mon Mar 04, 2013 1:11 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A Painful Past (OC). Scene 2 is up.
Replies: 75
Views: 25756

Re: A Painful Past (OC) CH 2 updated (3/3/13)

any other criticisms or thoughts on characters? i would like to know before i start writing chapter three: Check Up Time.
by LorSquirrel
Mon Mar 04, 2013 9:59 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A Painful Past (OC). Scene 2 is up.
Replies: 75
Views: 25756

Re: A Painful Past (OC) CH 2 updated (3/3/13)

Really? For some reason I always remember her name as Yoko not Yuuko, and that still doesnt explain who Naomi is in the VN, was she just a throw away side character that i missed? I believe Naomi is a character in class 3-3 third row, second seat from the left. Really? *looks at http://shimmie.kata...
by LorSquirrel
Mon Mar 04, 2013 9:47 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A Painful Past (OC). Scene 2 is up.
Replies: 75
Views: 25756

Re: A Painful Past (OC) CH 2 updated (3/3/13)

Since when is there a character name Yuuko or Naomi in the VN? Yuuko is the librarian and part-time worker at the Shanghai. Really? For some reason I always remember her name as Yoko not Yuuko, and that still doesnt explain who Naomi is in the VN, was she just a throw away side character that i mis...
by LorSquirrel
Mon Mar 04, 2013 9:30 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A Painful Past (OC). Scene 2 is up.
Replies: 75
Views: 25756

Re: A Painful Past (OC) CH 2 updated (3/3/13)

I'm noticing a couple things. One is run-on sentences. Like this: She’s almost always yelling or at least talking loud enough for it to pass as yelling except for when she’s bored which isn't often because she always finds her way in to some kind of mischief, she’s short tempered and never has a pr...
by LorSquirrel
Sun Mar 03, 2013 6:39 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A Painful Past (OC). Scene 2 is up.
Replies: 75
Views: 25756

Re: A Painful Past (OC) updated (3/3/13)

Okay I think I fixed most of the complaints for chapter 2 and I also added in what I forgot to put in when i was writing yesterday
by LorSquirrel
Sun Mar 03, 2013 4:24 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A Painful Past (OC). Scene 2 is up.
Replies: 75
Views: 25756

Re: A Painful Past (OC) updated (3/3/13)

Okay, looking at Chapter 2 with fully awake eyes I notice that I left out some lines of dialogues, and several lines of Hideaki's thought's, sorry about that I'll start editing right away!
by LorSquirrel
Sun Mar 03, 2013 8:50 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A Painful Past (OC). Scene 2 is up.
Replies: 75
Views: 25756

Re: A Painful Past (OC) updated (3/3/13)

Well let me say first, that Hideaki is actually 19 and his daughters are about five What? In this chapter you said they're almost six, so he became a father at thirteen? That is... let's say extremely unusual, especially in a country like Japan, and you just drop it in there like it is not a big de...