Epic Rap Battles at Yamaku

[Karnewarrior]

I'm guessing most everyone here has at least heard of ERB, and has probably listened to at least one Rap Battle between two people who probably didn't even know what Rap was when they were alive, and yet somehow it's hilarious and natural and awesome.

I like the Idea, and I was thinking; I'm not bad at writing the verses myself (Though I refuse to sing without sufficient payment! ). I'm going to write up a few Rap Battles for the KS girls...

[KeiichiO]

I love ERB. In fact, my entire family goes batshit crazy whenever the post a new video.

Anyway, do Lilly and Shizune first xD

[Legend]

I love ERB. In fact, my entire family goes batshit crazy whenever the post a new video.

Anyway, do Lilly and Shizune first xD

Yeah right.

EPIC STARE BATTLE am I right

[OtakuNinja]

Lilly can stare, but Shizune can't rap.

[Karnewarrior]

{A soft breeze is blowing as Lilly and Shizune stare at each other, fire in their eyes. Or at least, in Lillys case, vaguely in the direction of Shizune's translator.

A beat starts.

LILLY: Who's there? ...No answer?
Must be the deaf Furher rollin' up in in her panzer
Alright, bitch, let's start this show
I spit raps so hot, I singed Hanako
Let's go!
I missed beatin' on you-
'Cause every word that I'm sayin' just ain't getting through
How can you battle when you can't hear the beat?
You're like a dictator, only followed by sheep
I'd look at you, but that'd make me even blinder
You can back the hell off, put that in your binders.
I'm straight running the class
I got dat ass
I Got two ears that work so I'm hear to last
It's funny to me, that you think you can win
I've had more intelligent conversations with Kenji and Rin

SHIZUNE: [Oh snap, I'm in a fight with a bean pole
Can you hear me now? Yes or no,
'Cause I'm laughing at you, thinking I can be beat
By a half-breed bitch who can't even read
Hey Sataou! Can you hear me now?
I win my rap battles without making sound
Keepin' strict to the beat like the files in my paperclip
Only reason I'm winning is be-cause you're makin' it
Too easy.
What can I say?
Did I win the lottery today?
Because I feel like a billion yen, you look like twelve
And don't even get me started on the way you smell!
Only reason you're so popular is hanging of your chest
People like me because I'm just the best.
So your puny little fans can go kiss your ass
While you kiss mine because your time has passed.]

LILLY: At least I got fans, you just got slaves
Whip 'em back to work while you go away
And disgrace some desks, then yell at some first years
Where do you get off bringing kids to tears?
I guess it's true, you can call me Braveheart
'Cause I'm tearing your whole damn regime apart!
Your only friends only there because she can't find someone else
And you couldn't even think about how she felt.
You're selfish Sicchan
That's why the council left!
And after Misha grows a pair you'll be alone at that desk.

SHIZUNE: [Let's make this a game
Come on in and play
Let's play Wheres Waldo... oh wait.
Funny you should talk about friends, my dear
'Cause you only got one, from what I can hear!
Poor Hanako baby can only handle your presence
When you're also handing her expensive-ass presents!
Honestly Satou, I think you're just bitter
From being left by your parents like a peice of human litter.]

{Shizune spreads her arms in the universal sign for "come at me bro!" and walks backwards through the door.

Probably not my best one, but for something I wrote in like five minutes while listening to Ghandi and MLK jr go at it I feel like it's... acceptable. It feels good to get the idea off my head.

Raps in general don't go down so well on paper. If you feel like it's lacking something, try reading it aloud. You should (hopefully) find the beat naturally.

[Dumanios]

Hmm. How about Kenji vs. Rin? We got the two craziest people in KS rapping, it's going to be funny!

[zanzarra]

Beat starts...

Rin:
"I.
Am.
Rin. In a bin.
A-Ring-a-ding-ding - what's that? - schools out, I win."

Beat stutters to a halt, audience watches Rin leave the stage with a bored expression

Kenji:
"What the fuck just happened?!"

I'm so sorry. Didn't mean to hijack. It just... I couldn't resist

No, seriously, just ignore this. Kenji vs the Limbless Beauties would be a glorious thing far beyond my abilities.

[LorSquirrel]

okay this is the most badass thing since katawa kijo

[neio]

I'd look at you, but that'd make me even blinder

Oi this is hilarious

[Tang]

This deserves more attention. You are excellent at writing these.

[Hoitash]

This deserves more attention. You are excellent at writing these.

Indeed. I am strongly in favor of this thread .

[Karnewarrior]

JIGORO:
Alright, who's this douchebag
This sweaterfag
Tromping through MY house like he's all big and bad?
Welcome to the manor Hakamichi
We have six hundered channels on our flat screen Tee Vee.
I got a sword at my hip so I can cut some fools
Who think they can circumvent or bend the rules.
WHO! Am I you ask?
Well pull up a chair I'm about to start class
The name's Jigoro, stretch, and I'm the best
That's why I'm the one NOT wearing a sweatervest.
I drop phat beats so ill my own daughter now needs a translator
I'll tear you in half like an austrailian Alligator.
You're a puny little midget with a heart condition
I've got a KATANA! So I'll be winnin'.

HISAO:
Nice rhymes, did your mother teach you those?
And while we're on the subject did Lilly pick out your clothes?
What gall you got, to pick on my vest
When you can't figure out how to shave your chest.
My god, man, it's apocalyptic
How did you pop out two children with such a limp dick?
You're compensating, it's easy to see
And by the amount, it's not hard to guess what it be.
You're calling me a midget, I guess it's fair,
But I've never seen a giant with 80's hair.
I've read your biography, it's not really news.
You talk big like your book didn't read like Dr. Seuss.
I'm a master of science, and of romance,
Give me one more day I'll be in your daughters pants.
You've got a nice house, where'd you get the money?
Are you mooching off your Brother-in-Law? That's just too funny.
I'd stay to rap battle, but I've got to split,
You can think that I'm gay, but I'm surrounded by Tits.
That's it.

[Jigoro collapses. It turns out he was simply a balloon that got too full of itself. Hisao reminds himself not to approach Shizune or Hideaki with anything sharper than a ballpoint pen.]

[Quazzy]

I love this. I like all the little digs at others' disabilities.

"I spit raps so hot, I singed Hanako." This is when Hanako pops up and throws out a west side sign while using the sideways G-styled hat to hide her scarring.

[Dumanios]

Jigoro vs. Hisao was hilarious.

Hmm, Hideaki vs. Akira. Or Hideaki vs. Bridget from Guilty Gear, to see who's the manliest.

[Sedinus]

Quite some time ago I made a similar thing with Gordon Freeman and Duke Nukem. Youtube deleted it almost immediately for whatever reason and now that my PC got all of its components BBQ'd I lost all of the data, meaning the video is gone as well.

@Yamaku ERB: pure comedy gold. If there are any girls/guys up to some badass voice acting it shouldn't be too difficult to create a parody video. The text is there, backgrounds are there, sprites... are there, sort of. The only thing lacking right now is a bitchin' beat.

I myself sound very much like the guy who announces and ends the battles :3