Okay, I have decided to scrap a lot of what I was re-writing and restart from square one again. (Yeah I know no one besides me really cares about the story anymore.)
As a result lot of characters have had their names changed, a group of OC's that I had planned to be part of the main cast were removed entirely (except one), Nagataka and Naomi (now Kyoko) are in class 3-5, instead of class 3-3, and I changed some of Nagataka's back story.
I'm not sure when the first scene of the new re-write will be up, but I have put all three of the original scenes (along with The Adventures of Yukiko and Koneko #1) into one post for convenience sake, that is all.
Well, for starters it would be nice to have some kind of idea what is going on here. Your pov character isn't a student, so I guess he's either a teacher or he's dropping of one of his daughters. Or maybe just visiting his younger sister if the age difference is enough, she might be a student or she might be a teacher herself... We really don't know anything for sure, so there's not much to give feedback on either. Other than that your introductory chapter should give a bit more information. You don't have to dump the complete backstory, but you should at least make clear who the characters are.
Last edited by Mirage_GSM on Sat Aug 24, 2013 4:17 pm, edited 2 times in total.
I agree, its well written, but its hard to get into since we don't know who these people are yet. More please?
Last edited by pandaphil on Sat Mar 02, 2013 10:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things. But vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant." ~ The Doctor.
Mirage_GSM wrote:Wel for starters it would be nice to have some kind of idea what is going on here. Your pov character isn't a student, so I guess he's either a teacher or he's dropping of one of his daughters. Or maybe just visiting his younger sister if the age difference is enough, she might be a student or she might be a teacher herself... We really don't know anything for sure, so there's not much to give feedback on either. Other than that your introductory chapter should give a bit more information. You don't have to dump the complete backstory, but yoou should at least make clear who the characters are.
Well let me say first, that Hideaki is actually 19 and his daughters are about five Hideaki is transferring to Yamaku on Sunday June 3rd, pretty much one day before Hisao would in the VN. And the reason why there isn't much in the way of description or explaining is because i wanted to try and make it so that everything either through character interaction or through Hideaki's thoughts i was just trying this out and i was think of adding some extra explanatory or descriptive things into Hideaki thoughts. i just find that writing long impromptu monologues feels kinda weird to me.
Although i can see how it would be a bit confusing in it's current state so i'll take tat into consideration for the next chapter.
On a off note have you done any fics yourself? i recognize your username but i cant remember if i saw it in a reply to a fic or if your the who actaully made it
pandaphil wrote:I agree, its well written, but its hard to get into sice we don't know who these people are yet. More please?
Thank you for your feedback, and yes, there will be more.
Would you guys like me to edit the first post to be more descriptive, or would you rather i post something along the line of small character biographies? or should i just start writing the second chapter?
griffon8 wrote:Character biographies are the lazy way of going. Please don't do that.
Mirage has written some stuff on here but not for a while. His Katawa Kijo was recently unearthed and brought up to the top page.
Oh, right that where i saw his (or hers) user name before thanks. I still havn't gotten around to reading Kijo yet i'll have to read it when i have time.
also the biographies were just an idea a friend of mine pitched and i wanted to see how everyone felt about them.
LorSquirrel wrote:On a off note have you done any fics yourself? i recognize your username but i cant remember if i saw it in a reply to a fic or if your the who actaully made it.
All my KS fics are linked to in my signature.
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LorSquirrel wrote:On a off note have you done any fics yourself? i recognize your username but i cant remember if i saw it in a reply to a fic or if your the who actaully made it.
All my KS fics are linked to in my signature.
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I wonder if it's possible to die from boredom. Probably not, but just looking out the window of a car watching a bunch of trees go by does make me wonder.
It wasn't so bad for the first hour or so of the drive to my new school, but soon it turned into nothing but trees and a couple of houses scattered about along with the occasional rock or dead animal on the side of the road. I wonder if Koneko is still awake. Maybe she'll be willing to play twenty questions.
As I turn in my seat to check the back seat of the car I notice that Yukiko is already out like a nightlight, with the book i gave her laying on her lap. Her long dark hair is running down the shoulders of her crimson red dress and her glasses reflecting the glare of the june sun straight into my eyes.
As I move my arm to shield my eyes I see that Koneko seems to have fallen asleep with her her mp3 player still on and her green flower headphone still covering her ears as well as some of her short pink hair.
Well there goes any chance at fun. I let out fairly loud sigh filled with boredom.
"Wow you sound like your having fun." The woman beside me in the driver seat says sarcastically.
"Can you really blame me Yuuko? We've been in this car for almost an hour and a half." I say as I turn to look at her.
"Oh, come on, there must be something interesting to see outside your window." She says keeping her eyes on the road.
"Well," I begin to say as i turn to look out my window at the never ending wall of trees and rocks "I see: A tree. A tree. A tree. A rock. A tree. A house. And some kind of road kill... Oh, wait! I think a see another rock! How amazingly interesting." my voice thick with sarcasm.
"Ha,ha,ha mister funny pants." She says giving me a swift slap to the back of my head. "We're almost to the town by the hill the school is on."
"How long is almost?" I say rubbing the sore spot on the back of my head where her hit landed with my left hand.
"Umm..... About three minutes... I think" She says glancing at the map she has on her lap with a look mixed with annoyance and confusion.
I bring my left hand hand back to my lap and give Yuuko a look of annoyance. "Don't tell me we're lost." I say frustration clear in my voice.
Her gaze switches to me and then back to her map and then to the road before responding in a relieved tone "No. I was just making sure that we're that i didn't take the wrong road."
"Oh, sorry." I say feeling somewhat embarrassed for jumping to conclusions.
"No problem kiddo, i thought we were lost for second there too."
Before i can say anything else i notice that our surroundings have changed from trees, rocks, road kill, and the occasional cottage, too sidewalks, streetlights, and a plethora of houses and small businesses.
As stare at my new surroundings i notice Yuuko pointing to a sizable hill on the other side of town, with what looks like several large buildings with a brick wall surrounding them.
"There it is." Says Yuuko in a somewhat placid tone as we slow to a stop at a red light. "Hey you should call Naomi and tell her we're a little early."
I glance at the clock. We arrived in town about 20 minutes ahead of schedule. "Sure." I say grabbing my phone from my pocket, I flip it open and scroll down my my contacts list to the name 'Naomi Satonaka' and press the call button and hold it up to my left ear.
As I wait for Naomi to pickup I notice the sign for small looking tea shop the sign says 'The Shanghai' in big bold letters. I'll have to keep that place in mind.
After a couple of rings she picks up. "Hello Naomi speaking!" Comes the noticeably loud excited voice from the phone. Yep that's Naomi alright i dont know anyone else who answers the phone with so much excitement, except maybe telemarketer's.
"Hey sis it's Hideaki w-." Before I can even finish my sentence Naomi cuts me off. "Bro! Whats up? Did you get lost on your way to town? Are you going to be late? Tell me!" She's speaking so loud that Yukiko wakes up and nearly jumps out of her seat, And I have to hold the phone away from my ear to keep my ear drum from bursting. "I only have one good ear left Satonaka, I would prefer to keep it that way! Oh and you woke up Yukiko." I say probably a little to forcefully.
"Who are you talking to dad?" Yukiko says groggily from the back seat. "I'm talking to your aunt Naomi." I say. As I turn to look at her, her face starts to light up like Christmas tree. "Can I talk to her?" She says her voice still sounding somewhat groggy a but sounding a little happier than before at the prospect of talking with her aunt, it's actually pretty cute. "Sorry you can't right now, but as soon as we meet her at the school you can talk with all you want. Oh, by the way. Can you wake your sister for me?" As I say this she starts to deflate a little bit, and begins pout a little bit. now i feel like a kicked a puppy. but then she nods and starts poking Koneko to wake her up.
"Sorry Hideaki!" Comes Naomi's voice from the phone. "It's okay, just try to control your volume a little better okay?" I say as i hear Koneko starting to wake up.
"Sure no problem. So what did you call about?" Says Naomi's voice coming from the phone from the phone.
"We're going to be a little early." I say looking at the hill as we begin driving up it.
"Just how early are you going to be?" asks Naomi.
"However long it take to drive up the hill." I say as i begin to see what looks like a black iron gate.
"Seriously!? Okay I'll head to the front gate right away." before I can say anything to her she hangs up and we slow to a stop in-front of rather large black iron gate.
"Attention all passengers!" Say Yuuko doing what i guess is her impersonation of of a rail way announcer. "We have now arrived at...." is she seriously pausing for dramatic effect? "Yamaku academy!"
End of Act 1 Chapter 1: Arrival
Act 1 Chapter 1 Scene 2: The Welcoming Party
“Did you really need to pause for effect Yuuko?” I say as I move my hands to get my phone charger out of the glove compartment. “Oh, shut up ya jerk!” Says Yuuko her voice some-what playful but mostly embarrassed.
“Ah. No.” I say. As I begin to get out of the car I see Yuuko motion to press a button under the dash and a second later I hear a popping noise. Shortly after I see the trunk of the car slowly rise and halt to a stop after a few seconds. “Come on Koneko. Let’s help your dad get his bags out of the trunk.” Yuuko says as she opens the driver side door.
“Kay.” Says Koneko as she takes off her headphone picks up her backpack from the floor of the car and puts her mp3 player in one of the outside pockets. As I walk to the trunk I notice that Yukiko has somehow managed to get out of the car without me noticing. “Can I help?” She says as she walks up next to me. She’s starring up at me with those big blue hope filled puppy dog eyes of hers. She must practice that look every night before bed for how good she is at it.
I really don’t want her to carry anything heavy because: One, she isn't very strong even for her age. And two, if she carries anything too heavy it might cause her heart to act up. I guess I could just have her carry my backpack; it shouldn't be very heavy at all.
“Sure,” I begin to say as I retrieve my backpack and hand it to Yukiko who doesn't hesitate to take it in both of her hands. “Just make sure to tell Yuuko Koneko or Myself if it’s too heavy to carry and one of us will take it.” I say as I start to get out more of my luggage and start handing it to Yuuko and Koneko who have joined me and Yukiko at the car trunk. “Got it!” says Yukiko as she gives me a curt nod.
After a couple of minutes the trunk is completely empty except for a spare tire and a first aid kit.
“Well that didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would.” I say as I grab my laptop bag from the ground where I laid it down. “Hey shouldn't Naomi be hear by now?” says the bored sounding voice of Koneko, who seems to have grown bored and decided that staring at clouds in the sky is more fun than waiting for her aunt.
“She said she would meet us out here.” I say as I check the time on my phone. It’s been five minutes since she ended our call. Looking at the distance from the school buildings to the front gate isn't very far so I don’t know why she isn't here already.
If she was coming from one of the two large buildings that I’m guessing are the dorms she would have come out of the front of one of them by now. So I guess she was in town when we got here which would makes sense I guess, I mean it is Sunday after all why wouldn't you go into have fun in town? Well okay I can think of a couple of reasons but none that apply to Naomi. “Well,” Yuuko begins to say “I’m gonna go find out which room you're in and make sure everything else is in order, once I find out what your room number is I’ll text it to you so you know where to take your stuff okay?” She asks as I stare down at the quiet looking town below.
“Okay.” I respond without bothering to look at her.
So this is where I’m going to be living during my final year of high school huh? Not that I have any complaints I have always preferred these kind of peaceful little towns more then the none stop noise of the city.
I shift my gaze over to Yukiko and Koneko who seem to be playing ‘I spy with my little eye’ I chuckle when they start arguing whether or not Yuuko’s car is silver or white. For twins they’re pretty different.
Yukiko is shy reserved and very polite but can still be energetic and crazy like any little girl when she wants to be. She is very kind and caring and also very patient, she is always willing to help friends and family, and in the almost six years since she was born I have never heard her get angry or raise her voice at anyone. She tends to like darker or less vibrant colors, but she seems to like reds the most. She’s also not too bad at cooking but that may just be because Yuuko always helps her.
Koneko on the other hand never seems to be capable of calming down. She’s almost always yelling or at least talking loud enough for it to pass as yelling except for when she’s bored which isn't often because she always finds her way in to some kind of mischief. She’s short tempered and never has a problem telling people what she thinks, she loves bright and vibrant colors and doesn't like long hair, that’s probably why she wanted her hair cut and dyed pink, although she doesn't seem to mind helping people out so I guess that’s something she has in common with her sister.
Aside from that they look very similar in appearance. The only difference is that Yukiko's skin tone is a few shades darker than Koneko's. And her eyes are bright blue like mine, where as Koneko has brown eyes like her mother.
Their birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks, I wonder if I could find them some presents in town. I think a saw an antique shop and a toy store on our way through town, maybe I could go look at them on Sat-. “Hey bro we’re here!”
My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of Naomi’s overly energetic yelling.
As I turn to face the direction of her yelling I see her. She seems to be wearing a plain black tee-shirt along with a pair of tan shorts and white sneakers, her usual brown shoulder length hair seems to have been done up a pony tail, and she seems to be wearing the diamond earrings I got her for her birthday last.
As I’m about greet her I hear I loud “Wait up Naachan! Shiichan and I aren't as fast as you!” a voice comes from behind her.
Upon hearing this Naomi comes to a screeching halt just in front of the gate and turns back to where the rather loud and strangely upbeat voice is coming from.
When she turns I can see two girls, both in what I believe to be Yamaku academy uniforms, the first thing I notice about the first girl is her hair. Its drill styled bubble gum pink hair, she also has striking golden eyes, she seems to be about the same size of the second girl, who has fairly short dark blue hair along with a matching pair of blue eyes and blue framed glasses.
“You guys are so slow you know that?” Says Naomi sounding both disappointed and, for some reason competitive. “Looks like I finally found something I can beat Shizune at.” She says with an unusually cocky grin.
Upon hearing this, the pink haired mobile drilling platform turns to the blue haired girl and begins to make several rapid arm movement and gestures, some of which I recognize as sign language although I can’t make out exactly what she’s signing from this far away.
After the pink haired girl is finished signing what Naomi said to the blue haired girl the blue haired girl at first looks some-what shocked and then annoyed and then walks up to Naomi and start signing furiously at her, to which Naomi starts signing back at her until they’re conversation becomes a full on argument.
After a few minute of watching Naomi and the blue haired girl’s silent argument I feel someone tugging at my shirt from the right.
As I turn my head to see who it is I see Yukiko looking up at me looking incredibly lost. “What are Aunty Naomi and that girl doing?” pointing to the pair as she asks. “They’re talking to each other using sign language.” I reply as I see the pink haired girl attempt to stop the arguing. “Oh, okay, I guess.” She says sounding completely confused.
After another, five or ten minutes of watching the silent duel of words, Naomi seems too tired to bother with the argument and they seem to drop the subject.
Naomi turns to me runs up and gives me a big hug. After letting go she looks up at me and says “It’s nice to see you again bro.” Sweetly while wearing a large beautiful smile.
“It’s good to see you to sis.” I reply as I give her a hug of my own.
“Ahem!” comes a voice from behind, as I let go of Naomi we both turn to the source of the noise, and are met with the stares of Koneko, who is tapping her foot impatiently while holding the handle of one of my suit cases, and Yukiko who is looking at us while still holding my backpack in both of her hands.
“Don’t we get at least a hello?” Koneko says clearly jealous that I’m the one getting all the attention.
“Of course you do, you dork!” Naomi says as she runs up to Koneko giving her a big hug and lifting her off the ground which causes Koneko to start giggling wildly.
After a minute Naomi sets her back down on the ground. “So what’s up dork?” Naomi says playfully. “Nothing much just the same stuff as usual!” Koneko says excitedly while still giggling slightly. Naomi and Koneko continue to talk for a little bit.
After a while Naomi walks over Yukiko, and crouches to her eye level. “Hey, how are you doing Yukiko?” Naomi asks sweetly. “I’m okay, I guess.” Says Yukiko as she puts my backpack down and hugs Naomi.
“It’s nice to see you again Aunty Naomi.” Yukiko says as she breaks off the hug. Naomi gives Yukiko a sweet little smile. “How’s your heart doing?” Naomi asks as she raises an eyebrow curiously. “It’s okay as long as I don’t get to scared or trip and fall.” Yukiko replies in an some-what uneasy tone, she never has liked talking about her Arrhythmia, and I doubt that will change any time soon.
Before Naomi can say anything else to Yukiko the pink hair girl walks up to her. “Naachan it’s rude to ignore people! Could you at least introduce us?” She says as she begins to pout.
Naomi looks at the pink haired drilling platform and stands up laughing nervously. ”Oh, sorry about that guys.” She says apologetically. Naomi turns back to Koneko. “The little dork over there is Koneko Winters, she’s a little hot headed but she’s still a good kid.”
She continues as she turns to Yukiko. “This little beauty right here is Yukiko she’s kinda shy but she’s also very kind and caring.” Yukiko, who seems to have picked my backpack back up, gives the two girls a small wave.
And then Naomi turns to me. “This guy right here is their dad, and my brother, Hideaki Winters. He’s as reliable as they come.” Naomi says absolutely beaming with pride.
“Naachan! I have a question!” The pink haired girl says raising her hand. “Yes Misha?” Naomi asks as she turns to the girl. “How is he your brother if you have a different last name then him?” the girl asks.
“We aren't related by blood and we have different parents but the reason I call him my brother is because h-. Naomi cuts herself off before she can go any farther I think she realized that continuing this conversation will bring up some memories that we would both rather not discuss. “Um… That’s a story for another time.” Before the pink haired girl can say something Naomi starts to speak again. “Oh, by the way, Hideaki, Koneko, Yukiko, These are my friends and fellow student council members, Misha Mikado, and Shizune Hakamichi. Shizune is deaf so she uses sign language and Misha is her translator.”
“I figured as much.” I proclaim as I extend my hand to both of them “It’s nice to meet you both.” They both proceed to shake my hand; Shizune’s handshake is much firmer and more business like than Misha’s.
[It’s nice to meet you, too, Mister Winter’s. Naomi has told me a lot about you and you're daughters.] Shizune signs to Misha but before Misha can translate I sign back. [Did I mention that I know sign language? My dad had me learn it with Naomi when we were younger. Also please call me Hideaki; I'm only one year older than you after all.] Misha and Shizune look briefly surprised but quickly regain there composure. [That's interesting, Naomi never mention that. There isn't many students in our class that know sign language, it will be nice having another student who knows sign, I look forward to getting to know you Hideaki] Replies Shizune.
After some more conversation with the student council, and learning that Shizune has a brother with the same name as me I suddenly remember what I was going to ask Naomi earlier.
“Hey Naomi, why did you take so long to get to the front gate when we got here?” I ask as I see Shizune begin to sign to Misha out of the corner of my eye.
"Oh, well Shizune and Misha wanted to meet you before classes tomorrow, so when you called and said you were going to be early I had to go looking for them, I have some other friends who wanted to meet you too but they went into town for lunch and then they were going to head too the city for some shopping." Naomi says as I see Misha waving out of the corner of my eye to get my attention.
"Yes Misha?" I say as I turn to her. "Shiichan wanted to know if you were okay." She says. "What do you mean?" I reply in a confused tone.
"Shiichan said you're arm was trembling." She says with concern in her voice as she looks at my arm. I switch my gaze to my left arm and see that it's trembling slightly. "Oh, don't worry, that tends to happen when my arm starts to relax." I say as I shake my hand a couple of times which seems to stop the trembling. [Are you sure you're okay Hideaki?] Shizune signs to me with a look of concern written on her face.
[Oh, don't worry, I barely even notice it anymore.] I sign back to her. Although she clearly wants to ask more questions she turns and signs to Misha too show Yukiko and Koneko some kind of trick. Misha nods and retrieves several small balls from her purse and starts too juggle them surprisingly fast, Yukiko and Koneko both seem to be amused by this display of talent.
After about a minute Misha's arms grow tired and she stop, and my phone starts to ring, after I have retrieved it from my pocket I flip it open and see that I have a text from Yuuko. <You're in room one-one-four on the first floor of the boys dorm I'll meet you there.> The text reads upon telling this to Naomi, she makes some comment asking why Yuuko had to specify that my room is in the boys dorm, Misha and Shizune say that they have some other business to attend too and walk off toward the school building saying that they will see Naomi and I tomorrow.
After we've picked up my luggage we start toward the dorm buildings. As we walk I take some time to look at the school grounds, it's fairly big but there doesn't seem to be many students walking around only a few small groups and a light blue haired girl who is sleeping on a bench, there are several large buildings and a garden that seems to separate the dorms area and the main school buildings area.
"Hey dad..." Koneko says to me from my left while looking at the school grounds. "Yes sweetie?" I ask as I switch my laptop bag over to my right hand.
"Do you think you'll like it here?" She asks as she fixes her gaze to stare into my eyes.
Will I like it here? I look around the almost empty school grounds one more time. After a couple seconds I turn my head to look back at Koneko and reply to her question. "Yeah, I think I will."
End of Act 1 Chapter 2: The Welcoming Party
End of Chapter 1 Scene 3:Check Up Time.
Three hours later and I have completely unpacked all of my belongings in my room, saw Yukiko Koneko and Yuuko off, and played go fish in my new room with Naomi about fifty times.
After losing all fifty games, I was saved from the wrath of an angry Naomi by the arrival of Misha and Shizune claiming that they needed her to help them with some student council project for next Sunday. Before they left I was informed that I need to go see the head nurse, whose office is in the auxiliary building by the main school building.
...Now if I only knew which one of the two buildings by the main school building is the auxiliary one.
Oh, wait, this one has a big golden metal sign that says ‘administration building’ well at least I know where to go if I’m ever told to report to the principle's office.
After walking over to the building on the other side of the main school building that says ‘auxiliary building’ on comparatively smaller and silver sign. As I ponder why they felt the need to have a smaller less flashy sign on the auxiliary building then the one on the administrative building I hear I rather loud growl coming from my gut and I remember that I haven’t eaten since eleven A.M. “Yeah, yeah I’m moving.” I say to my gullet in annoyance as I enter the building in front of me.
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As I wander through the plain white corridors of the auxiliary building hoping against hope that I can find the damn nurse’s office before the growls and gurgles from my stomach grow louder than they already are I feel my phone vibrate.
I flip it open as I retrieve it from my back pocket, before I look down to see who the text message is from I notice a green cross shaped sign over the to the left of a door at the end of the hallway that reads ‘Head Nurse’ upon seeing this and adjusting my heading I looks down at my phone. The small screen reads: <One new message from Shinjiro Satonaka>
Well I wasn’t expecting to receive any messages from him until to-night but I guess his meeting got cancelled or he’s really bored and waiting for the meeting to start or something along those lines. I decide to open the message I notice that there is a picture of what looks like a red American made mini-van attached to the message.
<What do you think Y/N.> the message reads, I wonder why he sent this to me.
<Looks cool, how many seats does it have?> As I press send on my phone I hear the door in front of me fly open when I look up all I see is a blob speeding towards me. Before I can even think of moving out of its way, it collides with me with what I imagine is the force of a runaway freight train, I let out a pained grunt and the blob let’s out a terrified “Eek!” as it tackles me to the ground.
“Ow!” I say in a pained voice as I feel my head hit the hard tile floor like it had been dropped out of an air plane, I close my eyes in pain for a second before I realize that I feel someone on top of me, they don’t feel very heavy, in-fact it feels like I could toss them off without a problem, but before I can follow through with this plan I hear a feminine voice from above me. “Oh crap! Are you all right!?” the voice says in a rather frantic and panicked sounding tone.
After another couple of seconds I open my eyes to see a teenage girl with fair skin wide Blue eyes and light brown colored hair. She is wearing the girls’ uniform which consists of a plain white blouse with a black bowtie at the collar and some-what long forest green skirt. Wait were is she sitting on me?
“Hey answer me!” The girl above me is almost screaming at me at this point. She seems to be panicking maybe she thinks I can’t take falls very well, I should say something to calm her down… I should but noticing where she’s sitting on me I can’t pass up this opportunity to mess with her for knocking me down.
“You are sitting on my groin.” I say flatly, I desperately fight not to burst out laughing when her face turns a crimson red after looking down at her skirt.
“Wow Ikuno, I didn’t know you were that desperate for a boyfriend!” I hear a playful feminine sounding voice say from behind the girl on top of me.
It takes about half a second for her to realize were she is and jump off of me and looks away in embarrassment. “I uh… he was uh… I um… SHUTUPMIKI!” she blurts that last part out so fast I can barely under stand her.
I begin to chuckle a little as I start to get up from the floor when I the girl standing in the doorway of the nurse’s office.
She has sienna brown skin wide brown eyes and long chocolate colored hair that seems to go all the way down her back; she is also wearing the male uniform shirt along with the female uniform skirt. “You should at least treat him to dinner first.” The chocolate haired girl says in a playful tone while looking at the light brown haired girl whose face reddens even more at the chocolate haired girls comment.
“I said shut up!” The light brown haired girl says in a frantic and embarrassed tone. Upon hearing this, an eerily familiar sly grin appears the chocolate haired girls’ face I can’t place where I’ve seen it before but it looks like a grin that says ‘I’m having too much fun to stop now.’ Where have I seen it?
“I mean come on straight to the mount? Hmph! You have no class Ikuno!” she says in a disappointed tone.
“Damn it Miki! That isn’t what I was doing!” the light brown haired girl in the same frantic tone.
As the chocolate haired girl moves from the doorway towards her I see I man in a white lab coat and short blue hair appear from the left side of the door frame.
He gives the brown haired and chocolate haired girls’ a slight look of annoyance, but after realizing that they’re to busy arguing to notice his look he turns to me and waves me into the office.
I comply and begin walking towards the door way, as I enter I close the door behind me still hearing the brown haired girl’s frantic and constant shut ups’, along with several teasing comments from the chocolate haired girl.
The blue haired guy is the first to talk. “I take it that you’re Mister Winters?” I turn and reply with an entertained voice. “Yes I’m Hideaki Winters; you must be the head nurse.” As I say this I take a look at the room.
Its some-what small, but not too small, with beige colored walls and a single well kept desk with several coffee cup rings on it. “Yes that’s right, can you please take a seat over there?” he says as he motions his hands to a plain looking black folding chair.
“Sure.” I say with an indifferent tone.
“Okay I was just beginning to go over your file so please wait a moment.” He says flipping open a file on his desk. I reply with a simple nod and start scanning the room with my eyes.
I notice that there are two small beds covered in plain white sheets and what look like curtains that go around them.
My gaze eventually settles back on the nurse who seems to be going over my file while making jotting down notes on a small piece of paper next to him. He seems young maybe in his late twenties to early thirties, and now that I get a look at him his hair looks like it has a slight purple tint to it.
After a couple of minutes he puts down my file down on his desk and takes a drink from his coffee cup before addressing me. “Sorry to keep you waiting hope I didn’t bore you to death.” He says with a toothy grin. So it is possible to die from boredom?
He continues. “It says that you have poor hearing I your right ear and have hereditary Parkinson’s disease is this correct?” He says with a more professional look on his face.
“Yes that’s correct.” I still don’t know how no one managed to see my hearing piece all day. But then again the only people who have even looked at me who weren’t family were Misha and Shizune so maybe Naomi told them about it ahead of time.
I wonder if there are many students here that have Parkinson’s.
“You’re file said that you have developed: Tremors. Bradykinesia. Impaired speech. And stiffness in your neck and fore-arms, Correct?” He says as we both hear the voices of the Brown and Chocolate haired girls stop.
“Guess they’re done.” I say while looking staring at the door. “And yes all of that is correct but most of the later symptoms you mentioned don’t really affect me as long as I take my medication.”
Just as the nurse opens his mouth to say something the door flies open, revealing the brown and chocolate haired girls’ from the hallway.
“Is he hurt nurse? Did I break one of his bones? Is he going to be alright!?” The brown haired girl asks all these questions so fast that I can barely keep up. Why is she so worried about someone she just met?
“Mister Winters is fine Miss Komaki, but in the future please remember that we have rules against running in the halls for a reason.” The nurse says in a scolding tone while wearing disappointed a frown. “Now please go back to the hallway.”
Both the girls comply and close the door on the way out. Before it shuts I hear the chocolate haired say in a playful voice. “Wow Ikuno, worried about your new boy friend much?”
“Hey don’t start that again!” I hear the brown haired girl say as she walks out. “Um… do they always argue like that?” I ask while still staring blankly at the door. “Only when Miss Miura finds something to tease Miss Komaki with. Now back to your symptoms.”
End of Chapter 1 Scene 3:Check Up Time.
The Everyday Adventures of Yukiko and Koneko #1
“Hey, wake up sleepy head.”
No I don’t want to wake up this early on Sunday Koneko.
Sundays are the only days that dad is home all day, and I like to be awake so I can spend time with him, not half asleep because I woke up early.
I begin to feel a finger prodding the back of my head every half second.
“It’s too early to wake up Koneko I want to sleep!” I try yelling this but it comes out in more of a half whimper.
“Oh, so you are still alive!” I can’t tell if she’s patronizing me or if she actually thought I was dead, it wouldn’t be the first time she’s thought like that.
“Come on Yukiko get up!” as she says this she grabs my left and starts shaking me.
“Grr…” is all I offer in response to this attempt to get me out of bed. Although I’m already awake and I doubt that I’ll be going to go back to sleep so maybe I should see what she wants.
I begin to speak as slowly open my eyes “Okay Koneko, what did you wake me for at…” I pause for a second looking at the kitty cat digital clock that dad got us for our fourth birthday, it reads ‘5:02 A.M.’ Grr…what could she want from me at five in the morning?
“Five o’clock in the morning?” I finish my sentence as I lock my eyes lock with the brown set that belongs to my sister.
“I woke up early there for you must wake up early too!” she says with an excited voice.
What? I must have said this thought out loud because Koneko responds. “We’re twins so we should wake up at the same time as each other!” she says as I stare blankly at her.
After about five seconds of staring at each other I lie back on my bed and cover my face with my pillow.
“That makes no sense.” I say half heartedly into my pillow trying to remember whatever wonderful dreams had been taken from me by my sibling sitting next to me on my bed.
“Well okay that isn’t the whole reason I woke you up.” She says in a tone of voice that I can’t make out while my head is covered in a pillow.
I decide to discard my pillow back to the top of my bed where it belongs before I begin speaking.
“Okay then, what is your reason for waking me up this early?” I say in a tone that’s more curious than annoyed.
For all of her yelling, screaming, unstoppable speaking marathons, eating all of my candy and never stopping to sit down unless dad tells her to or its time to eat, when ever Koneko thinks up a plan its usually pretty fun, or at least I think so, the neighbor’s dog might not agree with me on this.
“Well when I woke up I went down stares to get some water to drink and I ran into Mikazuki in the kitchen and she asked if we wanted to help with breakfast… well she asked if you wanted to help with breakfast, but I said I wouldn’t come get you if she didn’t let me help.” She says in a slightly aggravated voice while crossing her arms.
To be honest I don’t really blame grandma for only asking for my help, because last time I tried some of Koneko’s cooking I got food poisoning for two days straight.
“You could have just said that from the start and I would have helped right then and there.” I say with a yawn as I rub the sleep from my eyes.
“Yes but then I wouldn’t have gotten to shake you.” Koneko’s tone changing from aggravated to playful and slightly amused.
After noticing that she is offering me a hand to help me get up I accept it and look out the window of our room to see the usual city Sunday is already under way.
“Okay come down after you take your medication got it?” she says in a slightly demeaning voice.
“Sure.”
Is all I say as I begin to stretch my arms and legs, Koneko turns around and heads out of the room.
After stretching for a few more seconds I take my medication with some water from mine and Koneko’s bathroom put on my glasses and head out into the hallway.
“Ah stairs, my old nemesis.” I say making my way down the spiral stair case leading to the first floor of our condo.
Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot, don’t slip and fall Yukiko. That wouldn’t be good at all.
“Morning Yuki!” I hear a voice sing from the kitchen.
That nickname… I hate it. Just the way it sounds annoys me.
Yes, I can be petty.
I turn to see my grandma and sister making eggs, bacon, toast and coffee.
Although Koneko is only getting to do the toast and coffee, at least we know she’s good at that.
As I head to the kitchen grandma turns to me holding my apron I wear when cooking with her.
“Hear ya go!” She says in a cheery voice.
She always seems to enjoy cooking with me and even though she’s usually spending the whole time teaching me how to cook and doesn’t really let me do any of it.
As I tie the string around my back Koneko decides to say something to keep her interest while the coffee and toast are cooking or brewing in the coffee’s case.
“Hey Mikazuki, can we bring dads breakfast to him while he’s in bed?” She asks while staring at the toaster.
“I mean it is his last Sunday here until we go to drop him off at that school with Naomi.” She continues as her voice has a little bit of despair of the thought that we won’t be able to really see dad until summer break after he transfers.
“Sure I don’t see why not, Yukiko can you grab that metal tray from under the counter for me?” She asks as she turns over an egg.
“Okay.” Is all I offer in reply as I walk over to the counter in question and retrieve the metal tray it’s actually kind of heavy.
We spend the next couple of minutes cooking and making conversation.
After all the food is done Mikazuki err… I mean grandma says that Koneko and I can go give dad his food while she sets the table for the rest of us.
“Come on Yukiko! He’s going to wake up before we get there at this point!” Koneko says in an impatient tone.
“I’m trying not to drop the tray Koneko!” I respond while making sure not to let the tray slip.
As we reach dads room Koneko opens the door for me and as I enter I see dad laying in bed reading a book.
“Good morning daddy! We brought you breakfast!” I say in the happiest tone I’ve had all day.
He looks up from his book in surprise on his face but it quickly turns to the same warm and caring smile he gives Koneko and I everyday.
“Koneko didn’t make it did she?” He says in a half kidding half terrified tone.
“No I only made the toast and coffee, no need to worry what happened to Yukiko won’t be happening to you…. Well at least for today.” Koneko responds in an aggravated and playful voice.
When I hand dad the tray he puts it on his nightstand and gives Koneko and I a big hug.
While he’s hugging us I look over to Koneko who is absolutely beaming with happiness.
After a couple of seconds dad pull away and thanks the two of us for bringing him breakfast.
After a talking for a minute we hear grandma yell from the dinning room that our food will get cold if we don’t hurry up and get down there.
We excuse our selves from dad’s room and as we walking down stairs Koneko speaks up. “Thanks for helping with breakfast Yukiko.” She says with her arms behind her back.
“Thanks for waking me up early today.” I reply as we continue down the hall.
Koneko stops in-front of me and holds out her hand in a fist, “Are you going to punch me or something?” I reply in a confused tone.
“It’s a fist bump! Make a fist with your hand and use it to bump mine!” she responds excitedly.
“You’ve been watching American TV again, haven’t you?” I say as I give her a judgmental glare
“Maybe…” She replies with a sheepish grin and a slight blush.
I sigh and tighten my hand into a fist and bump her fist.
“Okay, there, now can we go down stairs and eat?” I ask as she beams with joy.
“Yeah let’s go!” she responds as we head off towards the dinning room.
And so my day passed on as usual.
End of the original scenes.
Last edited by LorSquirrel on Mon Apr 29, 2013 5:23 pm, edited 9 times in total.
Just a quick note, in Japan, handshakes are generally not a customary way of greeting others - in fact, it's pretty much only used in business dealings with Americans or other people from the West. It's much more common to bow - the deeper you bow, the more respect you show for the person you're greeting. So a bow would make more sense when Hideaki meets Misha and Shizune.
