Katawa Shoujo : REMAKE

[LiteracyIsNoLimited]

Hello everyone, through this thread, i want to try something funny, make a remake of whole Katawa Shoujo story, means i am at liberation to change some story or personality for this remake purpose only. I know some will says this is kind of waste of time but i really want to try write, because i am motivate myself to write again.

Let me try to make my own version of prologue of Katawa Shoujo :

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Prologue - 1

It's always a weird thing, for me, to wait at the middle of freezing weather on a park like this. I am suppose to return home before dark but, this kind of situation is really weird.

Someone put a love letter on my shoes locker

I am telling to myself that whoever try to confess to me is kind of waste of time, because i, am for one, not really pursue any relationship on this point. But, i am curious, who is the one that put the letter with such writing, because i am honestly don't recognize the handwriting.

"Geez, this weather is getting colder..."

I am already wait for 20 mins, but when i am ready to back home, someone come.
A girl.
And the one i don't really recognize.

"Hisao ? Hisao Nakai ? Thank you for coming here. I take it you are already read my letter ?"

This girl is straight to the point, isn't she ? What a simple girl

"Ah, forgive me, my name is Iwanako, i am from 3-2. I am sorry to call you to this place"

"Eh, it is nothing, really. I am really curious, It's my first time, you know, i got such a letter from a girl" I simply shrugged off her apologize.
"So, what do you want to talk about, Iwanako ?"

Iwanako, she looks like shy and flustered, but i think she is ready her mind. Confession maybe ?

But sadly, i think i should reject when i am hear the whole confession. I am truly sorry.

"Hisao Nakai, you see, i always watch you from my classroom's windows, and i am.....uh........i......"

Something beating fast on my chest. What happened ? Why i am feel this weird somehow ?

"I........really want to ask you something......will you...."

Somehow the hearbeat's pace is different than usual and i feel pain. SUCH A INTENSE PAIN !!

"Will you....become my....boy...."

"ARRRGGGHHHHHH"

I suddenly fell and felt a great pain in my chest. My breathing became very different. What is this??

"HISAO ?? HISAOO ???"

Iwanako panicking and tried to reach her cellphone, ask help.

"Where is the emergency line ??? Hisao hang in there !!!!"

Somehow i can't hear her again. My vision is blurring somehow, i only can her screaming and panic state.
Geez......i think life is weird. Maybe life is punishing me because i am about to reject her ?
No idea i am gonna die young.......at least let me die not on this coldy winter like the films i was watched back then.....

And everything is black........
Darkness has overtake me perhaps.......

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Prologue - 2

Somehow, i can listen anything people talk. So loud. So how long i was passed out ? How long i was gone ? Am i already at heaven ? or Hell ? I tried to open my eyes. Still weak but managed and blinded a bit by a lamp

"Where.....where am i ?"

And i saw a Doctor, my crying mom and worried father, and also.....Iwanako and my classmates......

"Guys, what happened ? You guys just look like a ghost"

Then the doctor instruct everyone but my parents to stay at room.

"For the best, i hope everyone but Mr. Nakai's parents are stay on this room."

And i saw Iwanako face, combination of shock and relief, still crying while accompanied by my classmates.

Then, the doctor, start to speak, which i am really have bad feeling.....

"Greetings, Mr. Nakai. I am at relief that you are finally wake up. You see, you got a heart attack on the park and your friend, Iwanako is able to call emergency just in time. We are able to save your live but we are still want to do a regular check-up to you. I am afraid, from your situation and how Ms. Iwanako describe to the medical team, you have contracted Heart Disorder called Arrhythmia"

Arrhythmia...........such alien language........that's new but somehow dangerous enough

"And also, this condition is rare and needs full time examination so you may skip your education for a while......"

WHAT
NO PLEASE DON'T SAY SUCH THING

The doctor, aware that i might have a expected reaction, further saying "But there's a solution. I am already talk about this to your parents, and they are agree since they can't afford Homeschool for you, and i already recommend you to transfer into Yamaku High School"

"Yamaku high school have 24-hour medical staff and also provide facility for your condition. Until the transfer process done, you may had a interview with the Yamaku Board to finish the process. I am sorry but this had to be done...And also, one more thing i want to tell to you"

Geez, i think this is the bad thing

"During your emergency treatment, we need to operate your heart and you might see the scar on your chest, so please don't be alarmed about that"

I DEFINITELY FREAK OUT BECAUSE I HAVE WEIRD SURGERY MARK ON MY CHEST

"I know everything will be new for you but consider this a step, necessary one for your life and future. Please understand your parent's wishes too to make you alive and healthy, Hisao."

The doctor is about to leave and instruct Iwanako and others to enter the room. "The interview will be held next two days and please do your best, Mr. Nakai"

I simply see the doctor leave, then turn my attention to my parents and Iwanako, also classmates who worried about me.

"Hisao !!! they said they gonna transfer you to another school !! IS THAT TRUE ????"

To be honest i am too weak but i simply answer "yes"
"Yes, i am about to transferred and i am kind of tired and confused right now. I have no idea what will happen to me but it is the best that i follow the Doctor's orders" And when i saw the stack of medicines, i feel weird, nausea and headache.

Must i have to suffer because of this ? Like i have nothing to worry about ? But i have no idea, honestly

And i want to reassure everyone,

"Please don't worry everyone. This is just me who had to adjust with my new life. I am not sure what will happened but i will try do my best" then i simply turn to Iwanako and said "Iwanako, i think i am sorry i can't fullfill your request, i wish nothing but your happiness. Same goes with you guys, please be happy and make sure you guys keep studying and have fun while i am at other school. Just go home everyone. Please."

After hear me said that, my parents start to accompany others to outside "Thank you for coming, our son need to rest well. Please keep pray for him"

It is hard to acknowledge that i am simply do this to make a closure for myself. But i am sure i can do adjust soon. Yeah, very soon.

[LiteracyIsNoLimited]

Interview

It's been two days since my admission to the hospital.
For the record, it's my first time i got to spend my days at hospital in my whole life. I hope i did not make this kind of habit, really.
I am not really into the smell of hospital. Smelss of a mix of antiseptic, cleaning chemicals, a slightly bitter scent, and sometimes a hint of medical supplies.
But to be honest, i am really glad i can borrow some books from hospital. They have a lots of fiction books (mostly donated by publishers as a kind of literature giveaway).
So many interesting titles i already read (no sarcasm, because i am really love these titles) such as The Count of Monte Cristo, Moby-Dick, Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children and probably my most liking, The Lord of the Rings (including the Hobbit because the nurse who is a big fan of Tolkien said to me, to understand you have to read order, which i am almost confused but after explained, i do understand).

And because my new habit, there's a books near my hospital bed. I think it's a big change from me, who is too lazy to read, become a sort of avid reader.

Not only that, when i do take walk around on my own, i also befriend with some patients, mostly elder and mid 30's. Mostly talk about their life and wishes to stay alive. But for real, with my new condition, i still no idea how to live my new life now.

Transferred to the new school with proper services and then what ? i am gonna graduate, go to college, work, and maybe, just maybe, die young in the middle of study or work ? Such thoughts always haunts me since the day i had to transferred.

Oh, right. Today is the day of interview.

My parents are anxious wait for the Yamaku school board come and honestly, this is final. My dad cannot afford homeschooling because our monetary situation are not support such idea and also, with my circumstances, obviously i need a caretaker, which is need more money.

I don't blame them to give what's the best for me. It's just sudden, you know ?

Oh, and also, i was talk to Iwanako a little bit through phone, she still feel guilty and i assured her it is not her fault. It's just kind of a surprise change of way of life (i know it's weird figure of speech but i still don't know how to explain to her). She said if i am transferred, i should let everyone know through email. She is kind enough to gave me her email as contact.

Other classmates too. Ryuzaki, Shion, Mamoru, and Toshi send me messages too, wish me well and their email to keep communication (to be honest, i am not expecting this but maybe i will keep them informed when i am done with whole Yamaku business and get discharged from hospital).

And then, you reminded again. You are alone. Again. I am understand this kind of situation is really hard to understand by us, still don't know how to react and how to do. This is not as easy as what we see in anime, this is reality.

Oh, they have come. The Yamaku school board representatives and the doctor who become my supervisor.

"Hello Mr. Nakai. Glad you are do well today. I want to let you know that you are able to discharged from hospital in the next two days and i am also prepare medication lists to you parents. And also, this is Mr. Miura and Mrs. Alice, the representatives of Yamaku.

I bow to them, and they do the same.

"Mr. Nakai. My name is Kenzaki Miura and this lady is my wife, Alice Anderson. We are both Yamaku representatives, here to interview you a bit before we finish the whole administration. Just take it easy, allright ?"

"Okay"

"So Mr. Nakai..." while Mrs. Alice prepare her binder to write down everything i answer, i hope this is not a weird interview. "What do you know about Yamaku High School ? there's no right or wrong answer"

I do simply answer, "From what i heard, Yamaku High School is a school that dedicate themselves to help disabled students and give them opportunity to get a proper education. I also understand, they have many good alumnis who contribute on our society"

Looks like they are surprised, but i also explain, "while i spend two days, i curiously browse them on my phone. really"

Mr. Miura and Mrs. Alice are really impressed and smiling. I dunno, i really know they are smile genuinely. Makes me smiling too, somehow.

"Allright, so i am glad you find out about Yamaku, and because your circumstances, Arrhythmia, Yamaku is the best option you and your parents had because we are improving our services to students who have heart condition like you"

Now that's makes me curious more. "Yamaku have students like my condition ?"

"That's right, that's why when our good doctor here tell us about your circumstances, we immediately make a call and preparation. Because this kind of circumstances is not something taken lightly, Mr. Nakai. You will started on next week and assign you to the one of the class. If that's fine with you"

"Yes, it's fine. Really. I have no idea you guys really act immediately for this..."

Damn, i feel emotional a bit, my parents also kind of emotional too. I think this emotional thing are runs in family, maybe.
But, that's makes me feel relieve because they act fast and help my parents with a good option.

"Such kind words, Mr. Nakai. And while you are wonder about this, have no worry about the school fee and livings, we also got a very kind benefactor who sponsor you after we share this information to our sponsors. When you are there, you will meet your sponsor and please don't forget to thank, ok ?"

Whoa, what ?? That's kind of weird but comforting statement. A benefactor ? sponsoring me ?

"But really, i have no idea why i got sponsor all sudden, Mr. Miura ? Surely the sponsor are have their own preferences ?"

I think Mr. Miura know i am gonna ask this and it's Mrs. Alice who answer, with a surprisingly good japanese (she is foreigner, of course).

"Our sponsors are mostly alumnis of Yamaku and they are dedicated themselves to aid any kind of special needs students, just like their sponsors helped them too. That's how Yamaku works, Mr. Nakai."

Man..., i am really touched. Then Mr. Miura speak..

"And we are already got your information from your parents, so we can conclude this interview more earlier. The details already given to your parents. You are also get dormitory facility, sorry i forgot to bring this up. Before i close this interview, is there something you want to ask ?"

Immediately, i remember something.

"Can i bring......my hamster ? Mr. Pinkman... He is always with me, you know, so...."

Mr. Miura and Mrs. Alice kinda surprised but i think they are understand.

"Of course, as long you can be responsible of that, Mr. Nakai"

My father also support me "The hamster is the one he had this year and he is always take full responsibility. Have faith in him"

Satisfied, Mr. Miura and Mrs. Alice decide to conclude the interview and thanking us for our time, and they are accompanied by the doctor, who nodded to me, with grateful face.

"Say, Hicchan.......If something happened during your studies..." My mom start to speak

"Nah mom, i will be fine. I......am really impressed with Yamaku. I think i want to do this. For my sake of life"

I have nothing but a kind of good feeling ahead. Next week huh ? This might be a good experience to me. No use to keep sulking, all i have to do is keep living as best as i can and make it fullest. Like some fine quotes from the novel i read recently (Lord of the Rings, actually) :

"Oft hope is born when all is forlorn" and "There is always hope"

Allright, let's do this then.

[LiteracyIsNoLimited]

New Beginning, New Life

It's been days after i got discharged and take care of my transfer papers from my old school to the new one, Yamaku High School.
To be honest i am gonna miss everything from my old school, but life must go on. I already say my goodbye to Iwanako, everyone on my class and my former hometeacher, Mr. Katsumoto (he is a good and big man but he can't stop cried on the last day i attend my old school).

I remember their faces on the last day we met. Faces of sadness. But they can do move on without me. Maybe i should sent them a message about my update, if i can make it.

Now, i am sitting on the backseat of our car. Beside me, there's my hamster, Mr. Pinkman, still sleep on his cage. Lazy kid, but i like him. My mom and dad talk each others, complementing the scenery en route to Yamaku High School. The location is kind of outside the metropolitan city, but not that far away. I am relief that i still can visit a city whenever i have free time on Yamaku.

And, i think i want to listen a song from my phone, Let's see.....

Low Roar - Friends make garbage, real friends take it out

Honestly, i am not much fan of music, but Shion recommend this artist to me.
"You gonna love this one, man"
Well, since Shion is a very maniac about music, i can't blame her. She said that she will send me a list of recommended playlist.
So i listen the song, while i am look at scenery from the backseat window.

This is my new life. Maybe i can get hang onto it.

Then, i am feel sleepy, and asleep.....

---

So i ended up listen whole track of Low Roar, and i can't say i am very impressed with the artist. Perhaps i can ask Shion later about recommendation. But now, here we are.

YAMAKU HIGH SCHOOL

The gate is massive, i am impressed somehow. Not only me, My father and mother too.

"The school is massive, dad. I am surprised"
"Agree son, never knew this is the famous Yamaku High School" my father still express his shock and admiration.
So, we decide to enter the school and we saw two person who wait for us at the entrance garden.
It's Mr. Miura and there's one who i did not recognize.
Wait, is that......my benefactor ?

"Greeting, everyone. Welcome to our humble Yamaku High School. I take it all of you take a long trip to reach this school. Apologies for such a lengthy trip. May i introduce you, Mr. Hisao Nakai's kind benefactor...... Mr. Kazuki Takeshi"

Mr. Kazuki bow to us solemnly. Somehow, i respect this old man. He seems.......full of wisdom.
Then, Mr. Kazuki start to speak..

"Greetings, everyone. My name is Kazuki Takeshi, but just call me Kazuki because i am more comfortable by that way. I take it this such fine young man is Hisao Nakai ?"

"Yes sir, my name is Hisao Nakai and i am truly deeply grateful for your kindness, sir" I am bowing while extend my hand to a handshake.

Mr. Kazuki proceed to handshake me and smiling.

"The honor is mine, young man. You see, when i heard about your circumstances, i feel i must help you because i understand your situation. That's happened to me a long time ago. So, do not hesitate to ask any question to every staff and teacher here. We are here to help and provide you with education and future, allright ?"

Mr. Kazuki show his best smile, I can't helped but smiling too.

Then, Mr. Miura step in.

"Allright, So, Hisao, you can start your first day school now, there's a home teacher assigned to you. For Mr and Mrs. Nakai, please follow me and Mr. Kazuki so we can complete the transfer process today."

After that, my mom and dad hug me and wish me luck. Of course i remind them about Mr. Pinkman too.
And, here i go, enter the hall of Yamaku High School.

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The hall is massive. The design is old but somehow have modern style. I feel like i am enter a different country's school.
And there's someone. I think he is my new home teacher.
He is kind of around 30-40's and he wear a brown long coat. Feels like a detective.

"Nakai.....Hisao Nakai ?"

Then i respond,

"Yes sir, i am Hisao Nakai. Nice to meet you"

"Ah yes, you must be the new transfer student. My name is Mutou, your new home teacher."

We do handshake.

"Follow me, Hisao Nakai. Your class would be 3-4, supervised by me"

Then i follow him, to the stairs. I must say, i really did not expect the layout of the school is so not-japanese style. I heard the one who behind the building of Yamaku is very famous architect so i take it this is the result.

"Hisao, may i ask you a question ?"
"Yes, teacher. What is it ?"
"Do you have any problem with your studies prior your accident ? like do you feel difficulty on catch up with some lessons ? especially that you are third year"
"Hmm, to put that way, i am tried to catch up with ask my friend's notes, although it is a very short moment, because right after i got discharged, they processed my transfer order quickly, so i think i would request a supplementary material to catch up, if you are allowed, sir"

Mutou, try to absorb my information, then smiling.

"I am glad you still have focus to catch up, Hisao. I will do my best to prepare you some supplementary material, and because most of students are have their own pace and difficulty, we mostly do assigments in group, so i hope you can be patient and understand your classmate, Hisao"
"Yes sir, i will try"

Then we are enter the class of 3-4.

I see around 20 students on this class. Some of them have their own disabilities. I think they saw me as normal person, but actuall, i have my own disability. Although, i can feel someone look at me. A girl, but with her long hair close her left side of face. And also, there's a two girl, one with glasses and one with pink hair. And also, there's a smiling boy, waving at me.

They are my classmates now. I will do my best to respect their space.

Mr. Mutou indicate me to introduce myself.

"Hello class, starting today, you have a new classmate. Please introduce yourself"
"Hello, my name is Hisao Nakai, i am new transfer student here. Pleased to meet all of you"

Honestly, i can't think anymore. I dont want to make a weird introduction such "Hi, i am Hisao Nakai, and i have heart problem".
It is not a great way to introduce.

After claps from my classmates, i start to sit down on my chair. My chair and table is near window.

"Allright, since Hisao is about to catch up with our lesson, today i will review every materials that we are already discussed last week"

Well, i hope i can get used with this new life. I hope so.

[LiteracyIsNoLimited]

The New Transfer Student Life Begins

"Now after we do review everything, i want everyone of you form the group of 4 students and make the simple conclusion of what we have reviewed today".

I am about to stand and Mr. Mutou speak again...

"Hisao, i will assign you with Shizune Hakamichi and Shiina Mikado, if that's okay with you. Don't be shy to ask help from them" while he point out which table.
"Yes, sir"

So, i join the two students, one with glasses and dark blue hair and one with pink hair.

"Greetings, glad to work with you all. So, which one of you is Shizune ?"
I hope i am not offensive to them.
Then the pink haired student reply me,
"Hi, guess which one ?" She said with playful tone.

Huh ?
Man, i just start my first day and i got a weird question.
If that's how they want to play, i will play along then.

"Hmmm, i suggest that you are Shizune and the glasses one is Mikado"

God, please, don't make fun of me because of this

She looks want to say something, but....

"BUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. YOU JUST GOT TRICKED, HISAO. BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA"

I really did not expect such a reaction. And of course, i am wrong.

"Gee, cut me a slack, I am new here so how i am suppose to know"

Later, the pink haired girl said, "It's okay, i just want to tease you. Your guess are wrong, I AM MIKADO, and this one is Shizune"

The glasses one nod to me. I feel blushing because her face is kind of cute. Actually, two of them.
I think got teased is not bad but, with such a very loud laughter.....it's kinda embarrassing.

"Ah i see, hello Shizune, Hello Mikado. I hope we can get along from now on"
"Like wise Hisao, and don't call me Mikado. Just call me Misha"
And the glasses one start to use a kind of sign language.

Ah... she is deaf, i think

"And Shizune also says nice to meet you too. Also, she say that we should do our assigment"

Ah right, assignment. Gotta do it.

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It's been a hour, and while we do our assignment, i saw the dark purple girl leave the class while Mutou give a nod.
Come to think, while we do on group, she did not do anything in group, rather be alone on her table.
Poor girl. Maybe there's something happened to her ?

So i ask Misha and Shizune,
"Hey, i don't mean to pry, but that dark purple girl.....is she allowed to leave class early ?"

Misha later relay my question to Shizune, and Shizune simply respond with language sign.
Judging from their face, i take it that's not a good answer i expect

"Before i answer, do you understand everyone have their own space and pace, Hisao ?"
"Yes, i know."
"That's how Yamaku students deal with themselves, everyday. You can't expect them to stay and do like a normal person. And also, i understand that you are seemingly curious about her, but both me and Shizune would suggest to not push her about her situation. Would you understand this, Hisao ?"

Such unexpected answers.......Really

"I see. I just, you know, curious. But if you two say so, then i won't pursue this matter again"
Misha, satisfied, answer my respond,
"Don't worry, you may have time to get along with her. Trust me"

In the meantime, i see. But now, gotta finish the assignment.

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The bell has rung, indicating that school hours are over.
I just remembered that I attended the last lesson, so I was quite surprised that I only attended one class today.
Maybe it was also because of the long journey to Yamaku, I was also starting to feel tired. It seemed like it was also an effect of my heart condition.

"Thank you for the session, and remember to keep study and remember things we have reviewed today" Mr. Mutou says to all student.

Then he turn his attention to me,

"Hisao, i already got the message from Mr. Kazuki to remind you to check up to the Nurse Room. It's on Physiotherapy faculty. Just turn left from this building"

"Thank you teacher, i will get there"

I simply nod to Mr. Mutou and head to the Physiotherapy building.

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The famous Physiotherapy building. I know this from my research on internet.
24 hour staffs and swimming pool. Also there's a running track outside the building.
And also, i saw some students with a weird prosthetics, leg prosthetics.

So this is, what Yamaku want to give, huh.
They want to give a chance to students to shine on sports also.
Such noble purpose. Must be a very serious benefactors if Yamaku can afford this.

And, gotta find out where's the nurse room.

Luckily, i met a girl with brown girl twintail with leg prosthetics.
Damn, i hope i don't do say any wrong words.

"Excuse me, i am supposed to visit the nurse room. Mr. Kazuki ask me to go there, to have a check up with nurse. Can you point out, where is it ?"
The girl, look at me, and somehow she got the idea,
"Ah ! you must be the new transfer student ! What a coincidence !! I am about to go to the same destination. Let me show you"
"Many thanks, i am sorry.... what's your name ?"
"Emi, Emi Ibarazaki ! Nice to see you too !"

She offer her hands to me, to shake hands.
Funny, she smells great, Kind of Strawberry one.

Gah, i should not be this Inappropriate !!

"Shall we go ?"
"Please, lead the way"

So we take a walk inside the building and when some staffs saw us, i simply bow to them, and they responded the bow.
"So how's your first day here, Hisao ? Anything interesting ?"
"Well, so far, so good. Still get used by the new environment."
Emi, look at me so hard, makes me confused,
"So, uhh, why do you look me like that"
Emi simply respond,
"I did not see anything weird from your physic, so it must be internal problem ? is that heart ?"

She is so sharp, really.

"Yeah, arrhythmia. I got treated last week and here i am, got transferred because of that. That's why maybe i am look like so tired."
"Ah i see, i am sorry i don't mean to impolite."
"No offense taken, Emi. Really."

So we keep walking together, and finally arrive at our destination.

"Here we are !! Shall we go in ?"
"Sure"

So we enter the nurse room and i see the office is like standard doctor room on any hospital.
And there's a man with white coat. And he turn around to us.

"Hello Emi !! Nice to see you drop off to my office !! And you must be......"
"Nakai, Hisao Nakai"

Then he snap his finger, like hit a jackpot.

"Yes, that name. Let me see your files"

While he look for my files, Emi took her place to sit on the bed.

"It's okay Hisao, just sit down, He won't do anything weird to you"

Ah, yeah, i forgot to sit down, while the nurse give me his brightest smile

"There, i find your file"

And then Nurse instruct me to take off my top and prepare to check my chest with stethoscope.
I am feel weird because Emi look at my surgery scar. I am feel naked.

Then Nurse, say something that makes me blushing hard

"Hey Hisao, Nice body. You may able to steal Emi's heart with this fine body"

I AM BLUSHING SO HARD. WHY YOU DO THIS TO ME NURSE

"Jackass. Just don't tease the poor boy. You are make him flustered and blushing so hard"

Then nurse look at me

"First time got compliment like this, Hisao ?"

"To be honest, not from man, really. That's awkward"

"Is that so ? hahahaha" Nurse with such grin while Emi facepalm her face.

"So, let's get to the business. I already see your files and i think everything is arranged. You already got medications on your dorm room and i would advise you to do morning exercise like light jogging or swim. You need to keep yourself healthy, Hisao, so please don't slack off about morning routine"

"Allright sir, i will try"

"And speaking of exercise, you can contact Emi for help. I already ask her help on your health, so listen anything to her."

then the nurse whisper something to me,

"Just because she is cute, she can be so sadistic so be careful haha"

Emi, seems to know that Nurse make fun of her,

"Jackass. Don't listen to him, Hisao. And just let me know when you can start to exercise. Will give you a hand on that and also dietary recommendation"

"Sure thing, Emi. Can i get your contact so i can communicate with you ?"

So we exchange contacts, both me, Emi and Nurse.

"Done, is there anything else i need to do sir ? i want to get to dorm as soon as possible"

"Yes Hisao, go ahead, and don't forget to check up whenever you can, ok ?"

"Yes Sir. And Emi, thank you for the company too. Really grateful"

Emi, somehow blushing.

"W..w...ww...well, it's my pleasure. See you Hisao"
"See you"

And i left the building and reach dormitory immediately.

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So i already got the key for my room. It's room 207.
Second floor, seventh room.

There you go.
I see the small text on the door.

"Hisao Nakai, 3-4"

Very detail. So i start to open the door and i am surprised with my room.
A room with very standard bed, cupboard, table, and also my belongings already assigned.
And i see my Mr. Pinkman, i think mom already put his food in the cage. Bless you mom.

And then i saw an envelope of monthly allowance from my dad, my laptop set, and also bottles of meds and a notes.

"Three times a day to stay survive. After breakfast / lunch / dinner. If your run out the meds, simply ask the nurse".

Survive, huh ?

So after i check my uniforms, jacket and clothings, i decide to eat the bread that left by my parents on the table and after eat and drink a water, i am go straight with meds and want to sleep. I am too tired to get a bath so i will do that on the morning.

This kind of feeling, when you are transfer to a weird, different place, and you see everyone have their own problems and disability, I can't help but curious. Can i make friends with them, or at least, understand them. Because i know, i should not take pity to them.

I am so tired, so i want to get sleep. Make sure the door is locked. I am fell to the sleep.

Yeah, tomorrow who knows what will happen to me.

[LiteracyIsNoLimited]

Enter Kenji

BRRRRRRNGGGG, BRRRRRRNG,

The annoying alarm sound.

But I have to wake up early, because last night I went straight to bed after checking all my equipment in the room.

Well, starting today, this room is my room. I can't complain about the room's design but I don't think this room is that bad.

And I saw my hamster, Mr. Pinkman already running around in his toy cage.

"Exercise huh? Maybe I'll try next week. I want to adjust to the environment here first"

Speaking of adjustment, I wonder if there is a library here.

Okay, today, I'll try to go to the library.

But first, I have to take a shower.

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Ahh, taking a shower in the morning is also very refreshing.

After finishing my shower and brushing my teeth, I immediately put on the uniform that I prepared in the shower room (just to remind you that this shower room is for people, so there is already a special room to prepare a change of clothes in this facility room).

"Yosh! time to live this life!"

When I got out of the shower room and was about to go into my room to get my bag and equipment, suddenly the door across from my room opened, and there was a man wearing big glasses and... wait, he's wearing a Gryffindor scarf??

And without further ado, he started greeting me while pressing his face very close to mine.

"Hey. Who are you? As far as I know, no one is occupying the room across from mine"

Then...

"Hello, my name is Hisao Nakai. I'm a new student at this school. I just moved into this room yesterday. Nice to meet you."

He kept pressing his face against mine.

But he immediately backed away, whew

"Oh hello, my name is Kenji. Kenji Setou. You should have told me earlier"

How could I say that when you pressed your face against mine.

"Ah yeah, nice to meet you too. I'm busy preparing a bunker for something"

Bunker? HUH?
Out of curiosity, I asked and....

"Bunker? For what??"

"Of course to avoid them"

"Them?"

"Feminists are evil. You know? They're trying to control all of us!! You have to be careful!!"

Oh no, I didn't expect this to happen to me.

Feminists? Bunker? Too much information!!!

Without wasting any time I immediately responded,

"Umm, ok. I'm going to my room first, I want to get my bag and stuff. I have class this morning"

Kenji kept looking at me, and I felt like I was being interrogated by a fandom maniac who was wearing accessories from his fandom.

"Okay, I'll go back to my room"

"Ok"

"Don't bother me"

"Ok"

"You're a good person, Hisao. Later"

Geez, what really happened??

Without thinking I immediately went into my room and took what I needed.

I hope I don't experience what happened just now again.

[LiteracyIsNoLimited]

Hello, Nice to meet you

I'm still digesting what happened this morning.
That guy, Kenji... what's the problem?
I don't know what happened, but it seems like something's not right.
Emm, I should focus on today's lesson.
Today is Tuesday, huh....
Let me check today's schedule...
When I checked today's schedule, I saw the purple-haired girl enter the classroom.
No one greeted her at all.
Hm...
Does she really not want to be seen at all?
Also, her right hand is covering the right side of her face.
And I also feel that her bangs are also long on one side.
Also... I saw that her right hand has a burn scar. It seems like the scar is very serious.
I... want to greet her but I still remember Shizune and Misha's message.
I have to understand the conditions of all the students here better
Especially... Kenji

Okay, I'll try to greet her.

“Hi”
And she was surprised. Even though I only greeted her. But I tried to be slow.
“Hello, my name is Hisao. Hisao Nakai. How are you?”
The girl was still looking at me while covering her right face, but she responded,
“Oh….h-h-hi. I…know who you are….yesterday you already i-i-i-introduced y-yourself”
Ok, I felt awkward, but at least she remembered my name.
“M-m-m-m-my name is Hanako. Hanako Ikezawa. G-g-g-g-good to know you too, Hisao...
“Okay, I’ll go back to my seat, let's do our best today, Hanako”
“O-o-o-Okay”
Hanako replied while trying to smile.
But I have to admit, her smile is……..very sweet.

And after I sat down, I saw Misha and Shizune enter the classroom too, and also almost all the students entered with the teacher for today’s activities.

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Finally, it was lunch time, after a few tiring hours (I still don't like English, so I also felt tired having to memorize the essence of grammar and tenses).
I wanted to have lunch, and I felt a hand touch my shoulder.
Oh, it was Misha.

"Hisao!!! Do you want to eat together? Let's go to the cafeteria !!"
"Ah, that's great. Can you show me where the cafeteria is?"
"Come on, come with us"

Me, Shizune and Misha left the classroom, but I saw Hanako still sitting in her place, and she seemed to be sending a message on her cellphone.
I hope she has a friend to have lunch with.

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And, we arrived at the cafeteria.
My impression was that the cafeteria was quite big. I think it could accommodate more than 100 people.
I also saw that there were teaching staff eating in the cafeteria. Maybe the ones I know the most are Mr. Mutou and the male nurse.
By the way, I don't know his name at all, I only know he's "Nurse" (even in my cellphone contacts I wrote Nurse Yamaku).
I guess I'll have to ask him later.
Then Misha in a loud voice, called me,

"HISAOOOO, COME ON ORDER YOUR FOOD HAHAHAHAHAHHA"
"Okay, okay"

So, I only ordered a bento set, and Misha and Shizune also ordered other bento sets.
When we were eating lunch, Misha started asking

"Hisao, how was your second day here? Is there anything wrong?"
“Ah, so far so good”

Of course that didn’t apply to Kenji’s incident today

“But I’ve tried to get to know that purple-haired girl. Her name is Hanako. I think she’s….very shy, huh?”
Misha began to translate my information in sign language to Shizune, and Shizune responded in sign language as well.

“Shicchan (yeah Misha calls Shizune with this nickname) said, Like we said yesterday, there will be a time for us to be friends, but if Hanako can talk to you, that’s good. That girl is… a bit hard to approach. That’s all.”

Well, I felt the same way. But I was determined to take it slow.

“Yeah, thank you guys. By the way, do you guys know where the library is? I forgot to ask you guys yesterday”
To this, Misha answered,
“The library is on the 3rd floor with a big brown door. It won’t be hard to find because it says “LIBRARY”, HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA”

Ah, Misha, I hope you can control your volume…

“Okay, thank you.”

Then I saw Shizune using sign language again and started telling what Shizune wanted to say,

“Shicchan said, don’t hesitate to ask about Yamaku’s facilities. That’s our job as the School Committee”
Ahh, no wonder they were quite understanding.
“Okay, convey my thanks to Shizune”

Misha translated again and Shizune smiled in satisfaction.
We went back to lunch again because the next class would start in 20 minutes.

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And finally the school bell rang.
I felt like I was still having a bit of trouble with the last lesson, but I guess I can study it again in my room later (the material was complete but I was still confused about what the teacher said today).
And I saw Hanako immediately leave the classroom.
I hope she's okay.
Okay, I'm going to the library first.

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As I was leaving the classroom, I saw something fast coming towards me.
THUD
Owwww, what was that that hit me.
Ah, I know that person.
Emi Ibarazaki. The girl who helped me to the nurse's office.

“HEHH HISAO?? Are you okay??”
“It's okay….I'm fine-…”

LUB-DUB. LUB-DUB. LUB-DUB.
I feel my chest hurt.
Ouch!!
My heart, please don't be weird yet.
I tried to catch my breath while massaging my chest.
Finally I felt my heartbeat normal.

And Emi looked very worried, trying to help me stand up.
And... this was the first time I saw her prosthetic leg like that.
It looks like a prosthetic leg for athletes. I've heard about this.
And Emi's voice called me,

"Hisao? Are you okay? Do you want to go to the nurse's room?"
"I'm okay. Don't worry. It was my fault for not looking left and right when I was about to leave the classroom"

Emi, looking guilty,

"Hisaoooooo, are you sure you're okay ???? Hueee, I feel bad for youuuu"

I put my hand on her shoulder. Trying to convince her that I was okay.

"It's safe, Emi. Don't worry. I’m going to the library now. If anything happens, I’ll go to the nurse’s office”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. I’ve taken some medicine too.”

Emi still looked confused, but it seemed like she had calmed down.

“Hisao, as an apology, I’ll make you lunch tomorrow, okay?”

I tried to refuse, but Emi begged like a pitiful kitten.
Gaaaah, I’m weak with things like this.

“Okay, I’ll wait for you in this classroom tomorrow afternoon, okay?”
“YAY. I promise!! I’ll go first, there’s a teacher who asked for my help. If I’m late, I’m afraid I’ll be punishedddddd”

And then, Emi quickly left again.

It seems like I have to be more careful. My heart condition isn’t like it used to be.
Okay, let’s go to the library now before it closes.

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3rd Floor. Library
Yeah, just like Misha said, there was a big sign saying “LIBRARY”

“Excuse me…” I asked while opening the door.

When I entered, the library was quite big, there were many tables and chairs and beanbags in this area. But it seemed empty.
Are there no students here who are interested in reading books or what?
Okay, maybe I can try calling the librarian. There should be a librarian here.

“Hellooooo, is anyone here??”

THUD

“Eh?”

And I saw a woman, standing up from under the table.

“EHHHH, THERE’S A VISITOR??? I’M SORRY, I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING UNDER THE TABLE”

I was also confused, what happened.

“Um, it’s okay. I just wanted to ask where the fiction book section is”
“Ohh” The librarian seemed to be no longer panicking
“For fiction books, just go straight from this table and turn right. There will be instructions on the shelves.”
“Thank you very much, ma’am….?”
“Yuuko Shirakawa. Just call me Yuuko”

Ok, this is a bit weird. I mean it’s a bit weird to call staff by name.

“Alright, Yuuko, I’ll stop by the fiction section”

Yuuko bowed and instructed that the Library would be closing soon,
“If you don’t mind, could you inform Hanako and Lily that the library will be closing soon?”

Hanako? Here?
And Lily….seems like Hanako’s friend.

“Alright, I’ll remind them for you”

I rushed to the fiction section.
As Yuuko informed, there were two people reading in the reading room near the Fiction shelf.
One was Hanako, and the other was…..
Okay….
I didn’t expect this but, it seems like this long blonde haired girl named Lily.
And…..she’s really pretty and she’s not Japanese either.
Also, I saw the book Lily was reading. There were a series of unique codes.
Ah, it seems like this is Braille. But I feel like Lily knows I’m here and Hanako also sees me.

“Um, is the Library going to close? I know you’re looking at us” Lily asked.

I, who felt bad because I felt rude just looking at them, responded,

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you guys, but Yuuko left a message that the Library will be closed”
“Oh? It seems like we’re having fun reading books, Hanako. Do you want to go home soon?”

Hanako, still a bit shocked,

“Okay, L-L-L-Lily. I w-want to go home too. I h-h-h-have some work to do too.”
Lily started to get up and she used her cane.

Ah, she is blind…..

“And who is this guy who reminded us, Hanako? He’s so kind to come to us”
Lily’s smile was so beautiful, I felt awkward.

Hanako started to introduce us,
“M-m-m-meeting, he’s Hisao Nakai. H-m-m-he’s my classmate who just transferred yesterday. T-t-the one I told you about.”

Then Lily started to give me her hand,

“My name is Lily. Lily Satou. Nice to meet you. I hope we can be friends”

I was still awkward and shy,
“Ehhh, you’re welcome Lily. Hopefully we can get to know each other”

“L-L-L-Lily”
“Okay, we’ll excuse ourselves, Hisao. See you tomorrow”

And they both immediately left me.
Oh yeah….
I’m going to take 1 book first before going home.
“In Search of Lost Time by Marcel Proust”
This seems interesting.
After I took the book, Yuuko was still waiting worriedly.
And I immediately started the book borrowing process.

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As I walked towards the dorm, I started to think,
Do I still have to try to ignore all the conditions of the students here to be able to make friends?
I know I'm still adjusting, but I still have to try to be able to understand.
It's not easy, but I want to try.
I don't want to feel sorry for them just because of their condition. I do want to be friends.
Hopefully tomorrow can be a good day again.
Hopefully.

[piroska]

Hoo boy.

I am suppose to

supposed*

Someone put a love letter on my shoes locker

in*
and put a period at the end of that sentence

I am telling to myself that whoever try to confess to me is kind of waste of time, because i, am for one, not really pursue any relationship on this point. But, i am curious, who is the one that put the letter with such writing, because i am honestly don't recognize the handwriting.

telling myself*
tries*
kind of a* waste of time
all your “i”s need to be capitalized
pursuing* any relationship at* this point
no comma needed after “curious”
what is “who is the one that put the letter with such writing” even trying to say? I can’t make its meaning out
no “am” needed in “because i am honestly”

As you can see, I count twelve different spelling, grammar, and punctuation mistakes in the first three lines of your post. I don’t think I need to go further to tell you that you should, at the very least, run your stuff through a spellchecker before posting.

[LiteracyIsNoLimited]

Hoo boy.

I am suppose to

supposed*

Someone put a love letter on my shoes locker

in*
and put a period at the end of that sentence

I am telling to myself that whoever try to confess to me is kind of waste of time, because i, am for one, not really pursue any relationship on this point. But, i am curious, who is the one that put the letter with such writing, because i am honestly don't recognize the handwriting.

telling myself*
tries*
kind of a* waste of time
all your “i”s need to be capitalized
pursuing* any relationship at* this point
no comma needed after “curious”
what is “who is the one that put the letter with such writing” even trying to say? I can’t make its meaning out
no “am” needed in “because i am honestly”

As you can see, I count twelve different spelling, grammar, and punctuation mistakes in the first three lines of your post. I don’t think I need to go further to tell you that you should, at the very least, run your stuff through a spellchecker before posting.

Thank you for your input. I still make a mistakes about grammar haha, it's been a while i don't improve my writing. Allright, I will try do better next time. Bless you, friend.

[LiteracyIsNoLimited]

Hi, still working on current chapters. I think this week, i can post three chapters. And also, i am too invested on Yu-gi-oh ranked tournaments lately, so the editing and grammar correction will take longer.

[LiteracyIsNoLimited]

Hello !! Currently work on few drafts with upcoming chapter, so i share the one i have done (and took long because i recheck every parts with text checker app, which is kind of new stuff i tried lately. Please enjoy the new one !!

P.S : Gonna edit older posts when i have time.

...
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...
...

It's morning again.
I still feel very sleepy. Maybe because of the effect of the medicine too. And also I saw a notification on my cellphone.
"Hisao, this is Emi. Today I promised to make you lunch. Later during the break I'll pick you up in front of your class okay"
She still remembers her promise. I immediately replied to her message.
"Okay. But don't bump into me again in the hallway okay. Once is enough"
And immediately there was a response from Emi,
"Jackass. I will see you later, Hisao!"
Okay, I want to take a shower first before going to class this morning.

The hot water in this shower is very refreshing. I feel fresh again. And also I continued by washing my hair and brushing my teeth.
After enjoying the shower moment, I started to the changing room in the shower room, but I saw something I didn't expect.
Kenji again... naked.
Kenji immediately grumbled loudly,
"Who's there!! Are those feminists??"
Oh no, that again....
"Kenji, it's me, Hisao. The one who lives across your room"
Kenji immediately approached my face like a bloodhound.The problem was, we were both naked and this was very uncomfortable.
"Oh, hello, dude! Long time no see. How are you!"
"It feels like we just met yesterday. Not that long ago, Kenji..."
"Ohhhh, are you busy saving yourself from those feminists? Salute to comrade."
Without thinking, I should follow his thoughts.
"Right, I'm on a mission. I'm going to spy on those feminists."
What a stupid thing I said, but I didn't want to be glared by Kenji for too long.
"Good, good. Then can I borrow 1000 yen?"
I answered 'No' without hesitation.
"Ngaaaaahhhhh. So stingy"
"You better hurry up and take a shower Kenji, morning class is about to start"
"Whatever, whatever. I still want to make a bunker first"
Giving up, I immediately said goodbye and went straight to the changing room.
But, I think Kenji is a unique person, just......too unique.
Ah, yes, don't forget to take my bag and equipment from my room, too.

...
...
...

I'm already in class this morning.
One thing that suddenly crossed my mind was:
What are my old friends doing now?
It also just occurred to me that I haven't contacted them at all. I'm afraid I'm bothering them.
I remember before I left my old school, Ryuzaki, reminded me,
"If you have time, let us know. We're still friends, Hisao, even though we're far away."
But I didn't even dare to touch my laptop at all.
Have...they moved on without me? I don't expect them to still remember me at all.
Moreover... I still can't find a way to get along with the students at this school. Even if I do know them, it's only Emi, Shizune and Misha.
Yesterday I met Hanako and Lily. But unfortunately, because they seemed to be in a hurry, we didn't have time to chat.
Do I seem like I'll have a hard time adapting? Moreover, I'm still confused about interacting with people with disabilities.
Maybe I can start by getting familiar with Emi. We'll have lunch together later. Well, I'll try my best.
And while I was still focused on my thoughts, I saw Hanako enter the classroom.
Maybe I can try to greet her again, like yesterday.

"Good morning, Hanako"
Hanako was immediately surprised to hear my greeting.
"Hello H-h-h-hisao. Good M-m-morning".
Okay, I feel awkward with her response.
"We didn't get to talk again yesterday. Hopefully we can later, okay?"
Hanako, looked at me and started to smile.
"O-o-o-ok."
Damn, I felt blushed seeing her smile. Even though you could see her burns on the other side of her face, she was still cute.
Honestly, I don't really think about her physical appearance.
Ah… me and weird thoughts.
And by the way... I'm curious about her friend, Lily.
"Hanako, Lily.... is she your friend? She seems really nice to you."
Hanako, nodding,
"Yes, s-s-s-she's really g-g-nice to me."
Thank goodness she has a good friend here. I was a bit worried. But I guess I overdid it.
"I see, give her my regards. I also want to talk to her too. It would be better if we could all talk to each other."
Hanako, surprised, but immediately responded.
"S-s-s-sure. I-I-I'll tell L-l-l-Lily."
At least, I've started to make progress in interacting.

"GOOD MORNING!!!!"
Ah, the voice I was expecting this morning.
Misha and Shizune.
"Misha, good morning. And you seem really excited"
Misha nodded and Shizune smiled.
"OF COURSE. TODAY WE START THE PREPARATION FOR THE YAMAKU CULTURE FESTIVAL. WAHAHAHAHA"
Misha....you're cute but your voice is like a torture device....
"Ah, that's good then.."
And Shizune and Misha immediately approached me,
"Don't you want to try helping? We know you've only been here for 3 days but if you want to help, we'd be very happy"
Help huh? But I still don't know what I can help with yet.
"Can I think about it first? I'm still not used to this environment"
Ah, me and my excuses...
“…”
"Shicchan said it's okay if you think about it first. We only have time until Saturday. The event is Sunday."
Misha immediately whispered, "As soon as possible, okay?"
I nodded.
Misha seemed satisfied with my response and asked me something.
"Want to have lunch together later?"
I remembered Emi, so..
"I promised to have lunch with Emi later during the break. I apologize."
Misha was quite surprised, but she understood.
"It's okay Hisao, and when you're with her, please remind her NOT TO RUN IN THE CORRIDOR ANYMORE."
Ah....that. Got it.
"Okay, okay. I'll tell you later".
And we saw Mr. Mutou and the other students had entered the classroom. It was a sign that the morning class was about to start.

In between our individual assignments (there was no group assignment today because we were reviewing one chapter in our own opinion and conclusion), Mr. Mutou started calling me
"Hisao Nakai. Can I have some of your time?"
"Yes, sir"
We both went out of the classroom and chatted in front of the classroom door.
"For the past three days, have you had any problems? Such as problems in following the lessons, or are there still things that need to be adjusted?
"No sir. I'm actually more used to the learning system here, although there are still some explanations from other subject teachers that I don't understand. But I should be able to understand better because I already have the material."
"Ah, I see," Mr. Mutou asked while scratching his cheek.
"What about your classmates?"
Ah, that's a pretty difficult question.
"To be honest, I still have difficulty interacting with some students. Even though I already know some like Emi, Shizune, Misha, Kenji and Hanako. But I feel like I still can't....open up because I'm still confused."
"Confused about how?" asked Mr. Mutou.
"Confused about how I can make friends without seeing their condition"
Mr. Mutou tried to accept my information and started to pat my shoulder.
"Maybe that's the hardest thing about how you can adapt to school conditions like this. Maybe at first you will find it difficult, but give yourself a chance and time, like we give all the students here space and time to learn."
Mr. Mutou smiled.
"I'm sure you can. Don't expect everything to come to you. You have to try it yourself according to your capabilities."
He squeezed my shoulder and started to invite me into the classroom again,
"Everything has its own time and opportunity, Hisao Nakai. Trust me"
"Yes, sir"
But I'm still not sure if I can do it. I still don't dare to contact my old friends, let alone try to befriend the students at this school. I hope I can do this. But, how?

...
...
...

The bell signaled lunch break. When I was tidying up my desk, I saw Emi in front of the class.
"Hisaooo, come on!!"
Smiling, I started to approach Emi,
"I'm coming, I'm coming"
Emi immediately gave me a lunch box after I approached her.
"Come on, let's eat on the roof. I also have a friend who wants to have lunch together too"
I was surprised, students were allowed to access the roof?
"The roof? Is that allowed?
Emi, looked at me confused, but she immediately realized,
"Oh yeah, you've only been here for 3 days. The roof is allowed to be accessed but usually only for certain hours."
Then we climbed the stairs to the roof access. I am still not used to seeing Emi's prosthetics. But I tried to understand her condition. But somehow, I feel more tired than before. Probably the effect of medications. Emi, looking worried, then she looks at me, worried.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Emi. I just have a lot on my mind"
I smiled at Emi again.
"Thanks for asking. By the way, who's your friend who's going to eat with us?
"I'll introduce him later. Don't worry"
When we opened the roof access door, it's quite hot but cool here. I saw a lot of fences on the roof. It looks like this place is perfect for relaxing.
"Welcome to Yamaku's roof access, Hisao. Make yourself at home"
And when we were looking for a lunch spot, Emi started yelling for someone, looks like she calling someone.
"RIIIIIIINNNN. Let's eat...."
And suddenly someone appeared behind Emi, and pressed it’s head against Emi's shoulder.
"EEEKKKKK" Emi and the mysterious person were shocked.
"Rin! Don't surprise me like that!!"
Oh, this is Rin. This girl.....wearing a boy's student uniform and..... each of her arms are tied?
I feel like there is something wrong with her hand, but I don't dare to assume anything.
Rin, saw me and asked Emi,
"Emi, did you bring a lost puppy to eat with us? I thought it was just the two of us"
A lost puppy....
Emi, immediately laughed,
"Yes, we will eat lunch together. Let me introduce you, this is the new transfer student from class 3-4. Hisao Nakai. Hisao, this is Rin, Rin Tezuka.
I nodded, but Rin glared at me.
"I don't see anything strange about your physical appearance, you look fine"
Rin circled me like she was looking at a criminal.
"Then...."
I was curious about what she would say
"There's something wrong with your pants"
.......... What
"Well, I think there's something wrong with your pants"
Emi burst out laughing.
"Gosh Rin, you're making a dramatic situation into a comedy"
Emi pointed at my chest.
"Hisao has a problem with his heart. He's the student I told you about who I accidentally bumped into while running"
What kind of introduction was that. And I remembered something.
"Speaking of bumping into people, Misha and Shizune want you to stop running around the hallway"
Emi immediately stuck out her tongue at me.
"Yes, but no promise, hehe"
I immediately smiled a little and I heard a growling sound.
"Ah, sorry, I'm hungry. Emi, I want my lunch" Rin asked
Oh yeah, about lunch, we have to eat quickly because the break time is only 20 minutes away.
While we were having lunch together, I saw something that I rarely see.
Rin, eating with her feet.
Rin who seemed to understand me was quite amazed,
"Is this your first time seeing someone eat with their feet?"
I shook my head,
"I'm... amazed that you can use chopsticks on your feet."
Rin, smiled at me,
"Hisao, if there's anything you want to ask, just ask. I won't be offended. Just don't ask me about...."
"About what?" I am curious
"About how I choose to do a somersault, should it be north or south?"
...............Okay
"Or how the world will end. I have many views but I'll be confused about the answer"
......Oh no
"Okay, okay. I just wanted to ask how long it's been since I've been able to eat with chopsticks using my feet"
Rin, thinking hard,
"Maybe since I understood how to eat properly. Or, maybe since I understood that my feet are hands"
......Let's just say I get it. I'm honestly still awkward, but I don't think it's that bad.
At least, Rin isn't as bad as Kenji.
It's been a long time since I had lunch like this.
But I also felt bad rejecting Misha and Shizune's lunch invitation earlier. Maybe I'll have lunch with them tomorrow.
Suddenly Emi handed me a drink,
"Here, don't forget your juice. How about my homemade food? Is it delicious?"
"Very delicious, Emi. I'm sorry for bothering you."
Emi patted my back hard,
"Hey, I wanted to apologize after I bumped into you yesterday. You're still not mad at me, right?"
Emi, looked at me with puppy eyes.
Emi, I'm not mad but please don't look at me like that, I'm weak for that.
"By the way, do you want to try track jog tomorrow morning? Sho keeps asking me about your progress"
Ah yes, I promised to do morning exercise. I don't think that's a bad idea. I need a healthy life too.
“Yes, I want to. When and where ?”
"At 6 o'clock at the track field. It's close to the boys' dormitory."
"Okay, I will look forward for that. Thank you for lunch, Emi."
Emi winked at me,
"You're welcome, Hisao!!" and Emi turned to Rin
"Rin, finish your meal! If you don't finish your meal, you won't be able to paint anymore"
Rin shrugged,
"Does painting have to be associated with lunch? Maybe lunch also the most important part, though. It's so... delicious and tasty, and it doesn’t really ask anything of you. It just is. And then there’s the filling... which is always trying to be more than the bread. Lunch ... lunch never really changes. It's just there, holding everything together. Maybe it’s the lunch that holds us all together, you know? Like, we’re all just different fillings in a world that’s full of lunch.”
I roll my eyes and we hear the lunch break bells are ringed.
“I think we should go. Let me help you take these papers and take them to the trash bin”
I help Emi to collect all the food grade papers and make them into one roll of paper.
“Thank you, Hisao. Don’t get ever bored with us, okay ?”
“I think not, Emi. And Rin, too. Thank you”
Rin just keeps gazing at the sun. Ignoring me.
Yeah, this girl is special, indeed.

...
...
...

So, I attend the next class, and it’s History subject. I really had no idea about how to memorize every important dates and historical events. But I think the teacher, Mr. Sugiyama, he able to convey his lesson with kind of small important notes and always ask us if we are able to keep up with his lesson. He always answered every question that all students ask, and he doesn’t feel tired at all. I think this teacher is a kind of veteran teacher.
“So, Miss Ikezawa, do you know who is the one who leads the Japan’s assault on Pearl Harbor during World War II ?”
Hanako, seemingly panicked, but she tried to give her best answer,
“I-i-i-i-i- think Y-y-y-y-Yamamoto Isor-r-roku”
Mr. Sugiyama clap his hand and give her a thumbs up.
“Very nice, Miss Ikezawa ! And then, we should know that…”
Wow, Hanako actually good at history. Perhaps I should ask her some help, then. Meanwhile, I decide to write up important dates, years, and related event and important figures, just as Mr. Sugiyama said.
Then, someone pokes my arm.
It’s Misha.
“Hicchan, do you have plans after school? I think we need your help”
Her voice is so low that I almost laughing.
“I want to visit the library again to borrow some books. Why?”
“Shicchan wants you to help us to organize documents from each class representatives about upcoming culture event.I am really sorry to ask you again, but all hands on Student Council are full”
I feel a jerk if I keep to use excuses, but well, it’s not hurt to help them.
“Just organize documents, right?”
“Just that, after that you can go free to the Library”
“I think I can”
“SWEEET HICCHAN, THANK YOU !!”
And everyone looks at Misha, including Mr. Sugiyama.
“Miss Mikado, I am fully aware that I already ask you to control your voice tone. Now, be kind to us to read us the pages 70-74 about events during World War II and do it not too loud. Understand?”
Misha, blushing and “O-o-okay, sensei….”
And I saw Hanako face’s giggling.
Gee, so cute.

...
...
...

After we done with History and Math, class is over. Finally I can stretch my arms and ask Misha and Shizune to lead the way. I promised to help them organize the documents.
And I see Hanako was so restless, it seemed like she was waiting for Lily.
Later, she saw Lily and approach her and they are already gone.
Out of curiosity, I ask Misha about Lily,
“Misha, do you know about Lily ? The girl with Hanako?”
“Of course Hicchan !! You want to know her better? Bwahahahaha”
“No. I am just curious, since she is blind, which class is she from?”
“Actually, the class is across from our class. It’s 3-5, class dedicated to the blind and impaired vision students.”
Ah…. means Kenji is there too.
But, Shizune pouting when I mention Lily. So I ask Misha,
“Umm, what happened between Shizune and Lily ? She seemingly upset”
“….”
“Let’s say Shicchan and Lily…. are not get along. That’s all.”
And I decide to not pursue further.

...
...
...

So, here we are in Student Council room.
It’s standard meeting room with lots of table and chair. I see some students already compile the file boxes, and others discuss about upcoming culture event. I think they are talking about budgeting stuffs. It’s around 5 students, I think. Misha is right, their hands are already full on deck.
Misha instruct me to sit on the table full of documents. Lot’s of documents.
“So what I need to do with this ?”
“You need to compile these documents by year first and organize each year on monthly group. Can you do that ?”
“All right, just this ?”
Misha reassure me, “Of course, Hicchan, I will not lie to you haha”
That’s not so reassuring, but well, I promised them, right.
“Shicchan and I will buy everyone drink and snacks, so we are gonna leave you here”
“Okay, go ahead”
Misha and Shizune leave me and now I do what I have tasked.
Compiling, compiling.
They are document of Yamaku events of pasts. And considering we are already at our third year, I think Shizune and Misha want to leave the next generation of student council more proper stacks of organized documents.
And also, other students who busy by themselves acknowledge my presence and nod to me. I do the same to them.
2014, 2015, 2016…..until this year, 2017.

I can't believe it's already 5 o'clock.
I was too busy arranging these documents according to Shizune and Misha's needs.
But, in the end, everything was done properly.
“Thank you for today, everyone” have unconsciously said that to everyone in the room.
“Thank you too, Hisao” reply every student.
Huh, they know my name already? Perhaps because Misha and Shizune already told them?
“GOOD WORK EVERYONE, WAHAHAHAHAHHA”
Aaaaaand here comes Misha (and Shizune).
“Here, we brought you all cokes and snacks. Please enjoy them.”
Then Misha and Shizune approach me,
“How’s today. Hicchan? Do you enjoy today ?”
“I can’t say this is not really bad to do, you know. I am really appreciating this”
I take the drink from Misha and drink it immediately. I feel thirsty after long hours from compiling documents.
“…”
“If you are enjoying today, would you become a member of student council? We are appreciated if you do so, Hicchan”
Student council, huh? That’s a good offer but still. I don’t think I want to right now.
“I think I must reject the offer. I still need to get used with Yamaku. But, thank you so much for offering.”
Then I grab my bag and saying goodbye to Shizune and Misha,
“And I gotta go to the Library. See you tomorrow”
“All right, Hisao. Take care, wahahahahhaa”
Geeeez, Misha, voice volume please.
Then I also say goodbye to the rest students who still enjoy their drinks and snacks.
All right, now go to the Library before they pull me with more work..

...
...
...

Here I am, at Library and want to greet the Librarian first.
“Yuuko, are you there?”
THUD
Ah, familiar thud sound.
“Yuuko, are you ok? You are seemingly getting jumpy.”
Yuuko, the librarian, stand up and she feels panicked.
“Ah… Hisao. I-i-i-I am sorry!! I was too busy to look for my contact lens. I am eager to attempt it, but one of them is likely to slide under the table.”
“If you say so, Yuuko. I want to head Fiction books again. Will you wait for me?”
“Okay. I will wait!”
Then Yuuko return to her search of the missing contact lens.
When I get to the fiction section, I see familiar student. The one I am curious about from our last encounter at Library.
“Well, hello Lily. I did not expect to meet you here”
Lily, hear my voice, smile and greet me,
“Hisao, isn’t ? My my, I did not expect you to go to the library on this hour again. I want to apologize for the last time we met. I did not properly talk with you.” Lily said that with the feeling of guilty.
I reassure Lily, it’s okay.
“It’s okay Lily. I understand. So let me introduce myself again. My name is Hisao, Hisao Nakai from 3-4. Nice to meet you,” I extend my hand although I suddenly reminded that she is blind.
But Lily somehow able to sense my hand and handshake me.
“Likewise, Hisao. My name is Lily Satou. I am from 3-5. Nice to meet you”
Then I keep talking while I look for a book at nearby fiction shelves.
“So, you are alone here? Last time I see you, you are with Hanako. Where is she?”
“Ah, Hanako. She said that she needs to work on her assignments so she can’t stay for long here.”
Ah, I see. So, they meet up to go to the Library and then she needs to do the assignments. Which reminds me, I need to do the same.
But, I want to talk with Lily while I can. While we can meet.
“Ah, okay. So, I am little bit curious, if you don’t mind. How you deal everyday with….your….um..”
I think I pick the wrong question, but Lily smiles and give me reassuring look,
“It’s okay Hisao. Don’t be shy though. I may blind but I still get used to with this school’s environment. With or without Hanako, I can do things on my own. Have no worry because you are not offending me, Hisao”
I feel better but still guilty.
“That said, Hanako said you are transferred recently and she doesn’t know what brings you here because you are clearly don’t have any physical disability. May I ask, what’s your condition?
Since Lily answered my question, I think, be honest is the way to repay her kindness.
“I am here due my acute heart disease. Arrhythmia. I was admitted to hospital one week before I am transferred here. I got a sudden heart attack and they need to operate my heart to ensure my survival. And here I am.”
Lily looks concerned about my information
“Then…..so far, how do you feel, Hisao? Are you alright?”
“I think I am more tired than usual, due my condition and medications. It’s really a new thing to me, Lilly”
Then I sit beside Lilly. I think she can feel that.
“And I really no idea what I am going to do here, because I had to let go my old friends and old school.”
Then I rub my eyes.
“So, I think, I am still adjusting to the life of Yamaku, I guess.”
Lilly put her hand on my shoulder and rubbed it.
“It’s okay Hisao. You don’t have to feel down about that. I am sure you can find a way to get used with your life. I know my condition is different from you, but you can see, everyone here tried their best to do their best while limited by their disabilities.”
I feel cheered up, somehow.
“Thank you Lilly. That’s making me feel better.”
Lilly smiling, and pat my shoulder.
“Anytime, Hisao. This would make us acquainted right?”
“Yes. I hope we can talk more, but library is about to close, I think.”
“Then, you are already picking the book, yet?”
“Gimme a sec.”
I pick another title that I want to read
The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
“Okay, let’s go Lilly. I am afraid Yuuko is going more frantic if we don’t return.”
“Agree. Would you help me, Hisao ?
I help Lilly stand and she retracts her walking cane.
“Since Hanako is not with me, would you take me to the girls dorm?”
“Absolutely.”

Then we get to Yuuko, take care of our borrowing books (Yuuko reminds me to not to forget the other book I borrowed last time) and we make our way to the girls dorm.
Lilly walked beside me and started to sighing.
"What's wrong Lilly? Something's making you tired?"
"Yes, Yamaku's cultural event is coming up on Sunday. My duty as a class representative makes me tired easily. Especially having to deal with Shizune and Misha about my class preparations."
Ah, Shizune and Misha. Maybe it's understandable since they're the school committee.
But they should be able to understand Lilly's class condition.
"I hope everything will go smoothly, Lilly"
I put my hand on her shoulder to reassure her that everything will go smoothly.
Lilly held my hand and started to smile again.
"Thank you Hisao. I didn't expect to get support from you."
And we've arrived at the girls' dorm.
"See you tomorrow, Hisao. Don't forget to take care of your health."
"Thank you Lilly, give my regards to Hanako."
“I will Hisao.”
Then I saw her walk to the dorm, and I am alone, proceed to my dorm.

...
...
...

When I am arrived at my room, I immediately grab hamster snacks and give them to Mr. Pinkman.
“Who is the best hamster? Youu”
Then I start to pull my assignments from my bag and start to work on it.

I think I did a very good progress, but somehow. I still feel lonely. I think whenever I tried to open myself. I still feel not enough.
And I I need to sleep early because I have a promise with Emi about morning exercise. After I am done with my stuffs, I get my medication and turn off the light. I need the sleep. But somehow, I feel restless. It’s so sad. I had to deal with medications everyday, and it doesn't make me feel better at all.
Hope tomorrow’s morning jog can help me out to cope with my current stress.

[LiteracyIsNoLimited]

Okay, okay.
I'm awake.
It's 5:30 AM now.
I promised to go morning jogging with Emi today.
I still didn't sleep well. There are so many things on my mind. It makes me feel uncomfortable on my sleep. Especially my medicines. They are not really helping. They just add more anxiety, I think.
I hope that by having morning exercise today, I can distract myself.
Now I get to change into my training shirt and pants and my running shoes (Yamaku actually give me one pair, I think because Sho-sensei’s suggestion, but probably from Mr. Kazuki, my sponsor).
“All right, let’s do this.”

...
...
...
...

So, here I am, at running tracks of Yamaku. This place is truly for Parasports, and not only running, I see there’s different sport area, such as basketball, indoor football, and many more. I think, Yamaku take parasports for students seriously.
And, I see Emi. She wears pink running clothings and her running prosthetics.
“Good morning, Hisao ! Glad you are here. Wanna warm up first?”
“Sure, let me warming up before run. It’s been a while, you know?”
So I and Emi did warm up for 10 minutes, and when we are ready to run, Emi whisper me something,
“To be honest, I don’t like warming up. I just want to run immediately. Tee-hee”
I only can smile and laugh a bit,
“I see. Well, it’s not hurt to get warmed up first. Ready to run?”
“Let’s !!”
So, I and Emi start to keep the same pace during jog. Actually, I am trying.
But she is getting faster than me, and I think I can’t blame her.
She is track athlete, after all.
So, I did run on my own capacity. I don’t want to push myself.
I am trying to not do anything stupid, after all.
“C’mon. Hisao !! You did well, try fasten a bit if you can!” Emi yell at me while she increases her speed.
If I can, huh?
All right, time to move faster, a bit.
Hey, I did well. I Think.
But I need to reduce the speed because my stamina is not as much as Emi’s. Then, in the third lap, I stopped myself and try to catch a breath.
Emi, approach me and pat my shoulder.
“Good work, Hisao ! I knew you can do it.”
I give Emi thumbs up.
“Yeah. It’s been a while, you know. Need to improve my stamina again.”
Emi, give me her brightest smile ever
“The most important is, you actually want to try, right? So, shall we do this again tomorrow?”
That’s a good idea. This morning jog is kind of makes me distracted from my overthinking.
“Yeah, that would be a nice idea. Now, I gotta back to my room and take a shower before morning class. Thank you so much, Emi.”
Emi wink and handshake me.
“My pleasure Hisao, don’t forget to check up to Sho !!”
I will do that later, I guess.
Now, back to my room, while I need to endure my tired legs.

...
...
...
...

It’s 7.00 AM
Still have time to get breakfast from the cafeteria before 7.30 AM.
So I grab myself a bento and hot tea. And while I look for a space to eat my breakfast, I saw Lily.
I approach Lily and greet her,
“Good morning Lily, mind if I sit here?”
Lily looks surprised, but she welcomes my company anyway, and I take a seat in front of her.
“Oh, Hisao ? I did not expect you to come here at this morning. Please do. I am appreciating that I am not take my breakfast alone”
Alone? She is not with Hanako?
“Now you mention it, where is Hanako? I take it you are always with her.”
Lily, after hearing me, let a sigh and start to explain,
“Hanako…...she is not attending school today. I knock on her door and she said she doesn’t want to go today. So, here I am, alone.”
So, curiosity got me better and try to ask more,
“Ah, I see…..what happened actually ? I don’t mean to pry but……I still don’t talk too much with Hanako”
Lily tries to find an easy explanation, and after giving some thoughts, she is ready to explain.
“Hisao, do you notice her burn scar?”
“Umm, yes. I tried not to take much attention on that. Why?”
“That’s the reason why she is close herself to everyone. She is the survivor of the fire incident when she is young. And also, her parents are no longer around because they are passed away from the accident. When I talk to her for the first time, she is kind of hesitate but I know that after the incident, she got bullied because her scars during her elementary and middle school. And then, she transferred to here and she feels Yamaku give her opportunity to let her be on her own space and time, to deal with her anxiety and stress, also scar of the past.”
Ah, I see…. That’s why she is kind of uncomfortable when I talk to her… And also, why teachers don’t mind to allow her leave our class early.
“And I want to appreciate that you want to talk with her, Hisao. She tells me that you always greet and make conversation with her. She feels it’s the first time for her to know someone actually makes an effort to do that to her. And also, she thinks you don’t mind her scars”
Actually, sometimes I feel I see her scars too often, but I tried to be respectful to her.
But hear that…makes me overjoyed. Never knew Hanako feels that way.
“Ah…I……see. I…uh…. It’s my pleasure, you know, Lily. I want to befriend her, that’s all”
But I keep quiet about the part that I really take an interest on her, somehow.
Lily, smiling and nod to my reply, but I sense something serious coming from her mouth.
“And also, Hisao. I know you are still struggling on befriend with some friend here, but remember, you need to do this at your own pace, because you want to befriend all of honesty, not because take pity.”
That’s so deep, actually. Did not expect to get this kind of conversation.
“You are a kind man, Hisao. I am not sugarcoating that. I Hope we can spend time more to make us more acquitted each of another. And I am sure, Hanako will, give her some time. She is not as fragile as you think.”
Lily took my hand and give me reassuring look.
“I know you can be a good friend to everyone, especially to me and Hanako. Don’t forget that. And the reason why I able to talk Hanako’s condition because she wants to give a shot to trust you. And me too, after hearing her story about you. I want to trust you too.”
I feel like I've been enlightened, but there's still something bothering me in my heart.
“Thank you, Lily. I will do my best.”
Then I dig on my breakfast because I still have 15 minutes more before first class.
It’s good to know someone appreciates me to befriend, but I still doubt myself.
Doubt that I still don’t know everyone well.
I think I overthinking too much. I tried to not overthink. I tried.

...
...
...
...

The first and second study session is done. To be honest, I am too tired to focus on the materials (Even Misha scold me loudly for dozing off during the study). And I do look Hanako’s chair and table. She is really not attending school today. I think I want to see her in her room. Just worried. And also, I need to deliver her home works from previous study session.
Just want to check her. That’s all. But I think it can wait. Now is the lunch time. Shizune and Misha approach me and ask me to join their lunch. I promised myself to join them today, so I don’t feel bad because I decline their offer back to lunch together.
Am I doing this just to please myself so I can have a good life like my previous school days?
During lunch, I even just stare at my food and Misha calls me out. She and Shizune seemed worried about me. I am okay. That’s the safe answer to their questions.
The truth, I am not okay. Even when I want to drink my evening medication, I feel something uncomfortable.
How long I will depend on these medications? How long.
Nobody at Yamaku can give me a real answer about that. My condition means I need to fight for my survival every day. I need to exercise, don’t get too tired and other things that makes me alive.
For how long?
After lunch, like previous study lessons, I can’t focus at all. But I managed to work on assignments for today and teachers are satisfied with my results, somehow. I think I need to talk with Sho-sensei about this.
But can I be honest about myself?
So when the bell rang, and I ask the teacher for Hanako’s assignments. She is a kind of old teacher, but I think she knows Hanako’s circumstances and kind of surprised that I take initiative to give her assignment papers.
“You are really a good friend to her, Nakai. Keep it up okay?”
The teacher bows to me and leave the class.
To be honest, I am not sure if I am really good friend.
I mean, to this day, I even can’t give any updates to my old classmates, despite I already make a promise to them.
Before I go to the girl’s dormitory, I need to do a checkup to Sho-sensei. When I about to take the stairs, someone hold my uniform by shoulder.
“Hisao, dude. It’s been a while”
Man, Kenji again. He is the last thing I expect to be encountered on this day.
And again, he put his face on my face again.
“So, how’s the preparation against feminist? I take it you are always hanging out with weird girls.”
Ah, so he is always spying on me. Funny, he has time to spying rather attend school.
Speaking of which, he is REALLY attend school. I don’t want to take my time taken away because of this weird convo, so I decide to play by his game,
“Yeah, say I tried to infiltrate them and I hope I can find out about their agenda.”
“Good man. Can you lend me 20.000 Yen?”
………..THAT’S LOT OF MONEY.
“No. Absolutely not. I gotta go now, duty awaits.”
“Fine, fine, whatever. See you, dude”
And I immediately get to the nurse office, while look back again, to make sure Kenji did not follow me.

...
...
...
...

“So, you tell me that recently, you have trouble with sleep?”
“Yeah, to put it mildly, I think my medications have a role in that.”
I am at Nurse office now, and currently talk with Sho-sensei. She is really concerned about what I have said.
“Aside from that, do you already exercise as I instruct you?”
“No, I just started today with Emi. Jog at the running track”
So start to smiling. I think I am getting used with his smile, lately.
“Glad to hear. Then, would you take off your shirt and let me check your heartbeat.”
I did as he asks and he put his Stethoscope on my chest. Right on the surgery scar.
I tried not to look, but the scar feels me uneasy. It’s more like “mark” that I am different than others.
After takeoff his stethoscope, Sho-sensei sighing.
“What I can say is, you need to take morning exercise more seriously, Hisao. And also, about your medications, I will talk with the doctor from your old hospital to get a better medication with a composition that is not as heavy as it is now. But I did notice something from you.”
Sho-sensei takes his moment to sit straight and look at me. I think I don’t like this kind of stare.
“I feel like you have signs of excessive anxiety. From how you're also sleep deprived and your eyes are also showing unfocused. Also, have you been feeling like you're bottling up emotions or feeling anxious about something lately?”
…. He is sharp. But I don’t want to talk about it now.
“I don’t think so, sir. I feel fine, as usual”
But Sho-sensei did not trust me easily.
“Look, Hisao. I don’t mean to push you but, if you feel the need to talk about it, I can set a session with our therapist. Just take your time, that’s all what I can say. And also, don’t even think that everything can be solved by your own. Remember your condition too.”
I nodded and put on my shirt and uniform.
“Thank you, sensei, I will keep that in mind. Good day”
Then after I bowed him, I immediately get out.
Sho-sensei, who still suspect me, take out his phone and call a number.
“Mutou, this student of yours is stubborn…..”

...
...
...
...

After I made it out from Nurse’s office, I immediately set my destination to girl’s dormitory. My plan is to visit Hanako, give her few papers of missed assignments and get to my room to rest.
But I still feel haunted by anxiety about my current change of life. Still afraid that I can’t do much. And afraid that this heart condition can take me out whenever it wants.
I need to focus. I don’t want to make others worried.
After I ask where the Hanako’s room is, I take the stairs to get there.

Room Number 204 : Hanako Ikezawa (3-4)

There’s my destination. So, I did knock the door.
And I see Hanako, on her nightgown, looking at me through the crack of the door. I think her eyes were swollen because she had been crying all day. I tried not to keep staring her.
“Hello, Hanako. Today, you are not attending class, so I want to give you your home assignments.”
I gave these papers to her, and she accept. But I can see her hands are trembling.
“T-t-t-thank you, H-h-h-hisao.”
I want to ask, but I can’t. I don’t want to feel her stressed out.
“Then….see you tomorrow.”
“Wait”
I am surprised Hanako touch my arm.
“Yes, Hanako?”
“W-w-w-w-would you a-a-accompany me for a w-while?”
I close my eyes and I decide.
“Sure, Hanako. May I come in?”
Then I enter her room. I take off my shoes and look at her room.
Hanako's room is startlingly bare and monotone. There are no decorations on the plain white walls, a plain dark blue blanket, and only a few books, papers, and purely utilitarian items on the shelves. Even her bedsheets are monochrome. The entire room feels as subdued as Hanako's character.
I find this awkward... it's my first time entering a girl's room.
“P-P-P-P-Please sit.” Hanako indicate me to sit across her near the table on the floor.
“Sure”. I immediately sit down.
So, we sit across from each other and it looks really awkward. It’s the first time we talk one-on-one.
“Soo…...how are you lately?” I try to make a conversation to make this less awkward.
“N-n-n-n-not truly g-great, b-b-but I am d-d-doing well”. She reassures me that.
Hoo boy, this is more awkward.
“So, I was meet Lily this morning and she told me you are skipped class today. Then, I ask teachers to give me your assignments so you don’t fell left behind. I hope you don’t mind about that.”
“I-i-i-i- d-d-d-d-don’t mind. T-t-t-t-thank you.”
“No problem. So, what do you need from me? Something happened?”
Hanako looks like she tried to find the right words to speak. I don’t blame her to take her time. More I see, somehow, I feel I am drawn to her. I actually look at her scar from her nightgown, but more of that, I see her as someone cute. I don’t mind her scar actually.
Man, me and my weird thoughts again. Then Hanako breaks the silence
“S-s-s-so, Lily told me about your c-c-c-condition. I am s-s-sorry….. I don’t ask about this w-w-when we are in the c-c-c-class.”
Ah, that’s why.
“It’s okay Hanako. You don’t need to apologize. Actually, I want to thank you all because I am able to open myself about my condition. As you know, I had heart condition that always makes me more tired. You can say…….i had to deal with this every day. So, please don’t be sorry.”
I give her my best smile, although it’s fake. To be honest, I don’t know how to deal with my new kind of life.
“Fire….”
Wait, what.
“What fire, Hanako?”
She gestures her hand to tell me to not interrupt her
"I... I was in an accident."
"Accident?”
" When I was y-younger."
Oh no. Realization crashes into me that she is talk about her past.
“When I... when I was..."
I tried to stop her, know that I am afraid this only makes her uncomfortable. I know this from Lily on this morning but I did not expect I am hear this from Hanako herself.
"It's all right Hanako, you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to..."
But she shakes her head and want to push on.
"N-no. I want... I have to tell you. When I was young... I was in a fire. M-my house b-burned down, and I nearly... I nearly didn't make it."
And then Hanako held herself, not want to cry but she musters her courage to speak again.
"A-after that... I was alone..."
Hanako's eyes glisten in the dim light of her room and I reach out to grasp her hand.
"It's okay, Hanako. You don't have to keep going."
"B-but... I have to..."
"Why? What brought this on?"
" I didn't think it was f-fair."
"Fair?"
"T-that I knew about you b-but you didn't know about me..."
I squeeze Hanako's hand a little.
"Don't be silly. Hanako. Like I said, don’t feel sorry because you only know my condition but I don’t know yours. But I am glad we can talk like this. Thank you, Hanako.”
I think something to cheer her up. Got one.
“Truth to be told, I got heart attack when someone confessed at me back then.”
Hanako surprised to hear that, I think she got curious.
“Then what h-h-h-happened…to her?”
“After she call emergency medics and I got treated for two days, I think my condition is hard for her to take, especially my life condition means everyday can be weird for me, so I reject her confession. I do that because I want to let her not to worry about this. This is my burden after all.”
Yes…. this is my burden. This is mine, mine only.
But it’s Hanako’s turn to squeeze my hand.
“Hisao…...i-i-I am here”.
I look at her now. She is being genuine that she is here for me. I hope I can do the same.
“Thank you, Hanako. I appreciate this.”
And I do look at my clock on the phone. It’s night.
“I think I gotta go. I don’t want to make any suspicion here. I mean I don’t want to make other girls think something wrong when I am in your room, only two of us.”
“Y-y-yes. You are right.”
Then I take my shoes and get ready to return to my room.
“Very well, Good night, Hanako. I will see you tomorrow.”
“Good night too, Hisao. See you too on tomorrow.”
Then, I leave her room.

...
...
...
...

Today’s talk with Lily and Hanako is really something.
I still give thoughts about what Lily ask me.
I want to be honest about what I feel. But the problem is, how I want to be honest more?
So far, I only opened up about my heart disease. But not how I felt about everything I lost before transferred to this school.
I even don’t dare myself to update my old school contacts. I already give in to the thoughts that they are already move on. They forget about me.
At least, that’s probably the most logical thoughts I know. It’s easier to walk away rather wait for someone, too. So many scary thoughts on my head.
I decide to grab some dinner and drink my meds afterward. Feed my hamster, and then sleep.
And then what? Another day of uncertainty.

[LiteracyIsNoLimited]

Caution : This work includes sensitive content that addresses suicide and mental health struggles. Reader discretion is advised.

---

Another alarm sounds. Another morning. Another anxiety.
I need to get up for another routine with Emi. Second time morning jog with her.
I am still sleepy and lazy, but need to do this.
So I did meet Emi around 6.45 AM, but I think I am here early again. So I do warm up on my own initiative and after doing 5 minute warmup, I decide to do jog on my own.
Then I see Emi, running. Joining me while I jog.
“Morning, Hisao !! Sorry I am late !!”
While we are jogging, I simply give her thumbs up.
“It’s okay!! Glad you come!! I will try to keep up with you!”
Then Emi running faster, while I take my own pace. I think I want to do 2-3 laps again like yesterday.
But again, the sense of anxious strikes me again. Makes me don’t want to push my limit.
I hate this kind of feeling, so I decide to give a go to run. I don’t want to get controlled by that kind of feeling.

It’s been three laps, but I don’t feel I am satisfied with this.
Then Emi, join me, and she looks concerned,
“Are you ok, Hisao ? You look……upset.”
“its okay, Emi. I just….tired. Yeah, tired”
But Emi looked at me sharply as if she didn't believe what I said. Then, Emi sighed and pinch my arm.
“Hisao, if you don’t feel the mood to morning jog, don’t push yourself too hard. I know you want to do this for your sake of health but if you don’t feel it, I suggest you take a break.”
And Emi give me a sad look,
“It’s not good to see someone did not do anything with honesty. Rather do that like it’s kind of command.”
I feel uncomfortable, but she has a point.
“Hisao, listen to me. It’s okay if you want to set your own time to do exercise, but please do this because you are needing this for your health, for your own good, not to please others. Otherwise, I can’t run with you on such mood,”
Then Emi start to run again, but she tried to cheer me up,
“And, Hisao? you are the first who want to do morning jog with me. I hope you can solve your problem before you decide to do the exercise again. I will wait for you, no worries.”
“Thank you, Emi.”
Emi winked at me and gone ahead.
I think Emi is disappointed with me. But she is kind of giving me another chance to fix what happened to me. To be honest, I don’t know anymore.
Not want to waste my time, I immediately wave at Emi and get to the dormitory again for morning shower.

Here I am, at the class.
Stare at the window, I wonder what will happen today. I hope something not that bad.
I am getting restless lately. Talks with Lily, Hanako and Emi reminds me about honesty. About to be honest with myself too. But the problem is, can I muster the strength to open myself more like Hanako ?
Then I saw pinkish hair girl and the girl with glasses. Misha and Shizune.
“GOOOD MORNING, HICCCHHHAAANN”
I simply wave because I don’t have any mood to talk to anyone for now. Maybe it’s kind of the effect of anxiety. Then I saw another person come into my class. It’s Lilly.
"Excuse me."
She calls in the quiet classroom with a probing, delicate voice. I realize the silence might unnerve her because of her blindness, so I decide to help her out, despite my mood.
"Good morning, Lilly."
"Hisao? Good morning. I didn't hear you come in."
"Well, I was already here, just staring at the window until someone interrupts my staring time with her loud voice."
I think Lilly gets it. She is chuckling.
"Oh i see. Have you seen Hanako today, by any chance?"
"Not yet. I thought you just come here with her?”
“Yeah, we supposed to meet up at Hall entrance but she still not there. So I suspect she might be here”
“Maybe she just go to the toilet. Want to wait here?”
“I hope I can, but…you see It's a very busy morning today. The Culture festival is coming up soon, and today is the deadline for event registration, budget reports, and any other official paperwork. It could be that everyone is trying to complete the necessary forms at the last minute. So, I think I can’t stay for long”
And then, I hear Misha and Shizune footsteps to our location.
"Hi ~ Hi ~!"
"Hi, Hicchan~! Hi."
“…”
And then Misha look and Lily.
"Look, it's the class representative~! Hello~!"
"Lilly smiles, probably amused by Misha's - or Shizune's - use of the word “look.”"
"Good morning."
"..."
"Of course, you're not the representative of this class, right, right~?"
"I'm not."
Lilly seems a little more guarded in her answers to Shizune than she was with me the other day. I reminded that they really don't get along at all from Misha. Then I realize that Lilly might actually not know Shizune is present and she's trying to detect whether or not she is, to know who she is talking to. For all she knows, she's talking to Misha, but knowing that she and Shizune are practically inseparable, she might expect Shizune being the one that actually “talks.”
"Something, I can help you with, Misha and Shizune ?."
"..."
"Nah, we are here for Lilly, while she come this class willingly.”
I don’t see the word of willingly to describe why Lilly come here, but I wish I don’t have to involve in this, so I might sit this out.
"..."
"Class rep~! It's a good thing you're here~! We have to talk."
"..."
"The festival is coming up in two days, right? Every other class has already handed in their projected budget reports for their events! Even the first-years! Except you~! Wahaha~!"
"There is still time to hand it in, isn't there?"
"..."
"Today! The deadline is today! You're certainly taking your time, aren't you? If I had it my way, I'd have had all of the necessary paperwork days ago, but someone~! had to say “the deadline, please extend it~!”"
"Yes, that was me. Planning something on this scale is not a small task, and a week is too small a time frame to expect a whole class to work out such a complex issue completely."
"..."
"Do you want to know what's harder than distributing the funds for one class' event? Handling the same matter for every class in the school and then some~! The one who does that is me!"
Misha puts her hands on her hips and stands up straight. Wow, she is really getting into the role. Lilly doesn't look like she's very amused, though. I decide to reason with them, especially I don’t like people arguing in front of me. My mood is getting weirder now.
“Misha, Shizune, Please. Aren't you being a little too hard on her? There's still a whole day left."
"Please, Hisao. It's all right."
"If this is about the budget, then I'm disappointed you think I have forgotten about it. I understand how important it is."
"..."
"Then~! Can I have it, please?"

Dammit, why just don’t ask later!

"Seriously? she might not have it on her at this exact second. Cut her some slack, you two."
"It's not here right now. I asked two students to take care of it for me. They will give it to you as soon as they are done."
"..."
"It was your responsibility~! A budget report isn't something you should just be delegating away; as class rep, it's your job to be on top of things! This kind of disregard for proper procedure is really just terrible~!"
"They will have completed it and being capable of doing so, but the students have been sick recently, so they could not come to school and give it back to me. If you want, I will apologize on their behalf for getting sick."
"Okay~!"

Man, I hope this is over, but turns out I am wrong at all.

"..."
"Lilly, don't they live here at the school? That's a five-minute walk, you know~. What could they possibly have that prevents them from taking five minutes out of their busy lives... to drop off something that will affect the enjoyment of their entire class?"

For the love of God….

"..."
"And what's with that attitude~? I said that it's not something you should be delegating away; are you the class representative, or aren't you? Tell me the names of those two students, they should have your job if you can't even handle something this simple yourself."
"One form isn't the full extent of what I am supposed to take care of."
I sense Lilly's tone is growing slightly impatient, but I think Shizune gonna do worse now (and helped my Misha). Speaking of impatient…..i think I am getting impatient too because they argue too much. And I can feel I am anxious and little bit pissed off because they just keep at it.
"..."
"Of course, you do so much, class rep~! It must be so difficult being you~!"
Lilly tightens her lips at Misha's words, clearly understanding the intent behind them even though Misha delivers them without even a hint of the sarcasm which they were meant to have. Shizune and Lilly don't like each other, that much is clear, but this seems a little much. It seems like Lilly has had enough and is ready to push back.
"I was actually just discussing the budget report before you came by. You must be very talented to have finished all your student council duties so quickly that you can track me down to make sure I don't forget my own.”
And, oh boy, Misha is about to explode as Shizune’s talking machine.
"Are you accusing me of slacking off? It seems like you're confusing me with yourself~!"

Please…

"I don't think so. That would be a very difficult thing for me to do; comparing myself to you."

Stop it…

"You're right, the difference between us is like heaven and hell."

You two…

"And it's not hard to guess which one you might represent."
"Excuses, excuses. Miss Class Rep has had plenty of time to deal with her report. And we repeatedly offered you a position to help with the student council work, but you refused to commit yourself to making the festival a success."

And somehow, my anger is exploding now.
“SHUUUUT UPPPPPPP !!!!!”

Lilly, Shizune and Misha (and also other students too) looks at me with surprised and disbelief face.
That’s it. I will speak now. I can’t take it anymore.
“Shut up! Shut it, you two ! You two arguing like children ! WHY YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER ! I had enough and I don’t believe you two are not trying enough to find common ground !!!!”
“…”
“Hicchan, Shicchan says….”
“NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME, NOW”. And somehow, I take my hand to my chest. I can feel my heart beating weird. But I had to do this.
I stare to Misha and Shizune, which clearly they are still taken setback after my erupted anger.
“Lilly clearly says that she and her friends will complete the stuffs you need. You are CLEARLY tried to find a weakness in that! I even can feel that! If you two keep doing this, nobody respect School Council!! Give them time, if I have to beg!!”
And then, I turn to Lilly.
“And you, Lilly. I know you want to defend your friends, but that’s not how you do that. Give Shizune your pride so that she can use it against you.. I know you two don’t get along, but you can do better. At times, it's necessary to push your friend to meet the requirement.”
“….”
Misha seemingly want to reason with me, but I am not done. YET.
“But, Hicchan…..”
“NOT OTHER WORDS, I AM NOT FINISHED.”
“Lilly, can you do me a favor? You can do better than this. Just let others understand that the student council will wait patiently and make sure nothing amiss with the reports.”
Lilly, still try to understand what happened to me, only nodding. I think she still surprised that I am vent up my anger.
Then I shifting again to Misha and Shizune. Staring at them again.
“And you two !! Could you grant Lilly's class a later opportunity to report? I know you can do better, too. But refrain from antagonizing someone again.. It’s not a very healthy habit. Must I have to say please to convince you all ?”
Misha and Shizune truly shocked, and give some thoughts….
“….”
“S-ssure Hicchan. If you ask that..”
My heartbeat is becoming odd and I want to leave this place.
“Then, solve this peacefully. I am out!”
Then I rushed out from the class. To the roof.
And I am screaming aloud.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
I feel bad for Lilly, Shizune and Misha now.
I don’t mean to yell but look at them! Bickering endlessly like politicians.
I think this is the results of my anxiety. I lash out to them because I feel not uncomfortable with their endless bickering.
So, I sitting on the floor and rethink again about my life. Until I heard someone’s voice from behind.
“Nice scream anyway. Did you want to let out your heart?
When I turn around, it’s actually Rin.
“Oh, hi Rin. Sorry I did scream. I hope I am not bothering you.”
But Rin simply smiling and laugh a bit,
“It’s okay though. Sometime you have to scream to your heart’s content. But because you have heart problems, that’s not the case, I think.”
Sometimes I forget Rin is this unique.
“Well, whatever. Anyway, what are you doing here ? Morning class will begin in 10 minutes.” I just check on my phone.
Rin, shrugged and just sleep on the floor.
“I want to see the sky so I can finish with the mural later.”
“Mural ?”
“For the Culture festival.”
“Ah I see.”
“Can you leave me alone? I need alone time to grasp the idea of universality. Maybe when I am done grasping the idea, the mural will be done.”
“Umm, okay, sure. See you…later then?”
She is not answering me.
Then I simply leave the roof area while she still staring at sky.
Wait, I suppose to escape to the roof, right? But, well, let her be then. And I can feel I am okay now. I think due the stress and anxiety, I can’t control my anger and emotions.
What if they hate me because I am too blunt ?
What if they stay away from me because i unleash my anger to them, because they are keeping bickering?
Yeah, first thing I am going to do is apologize to Shizune and Misha, then Lilly.
I don’t mean to make them afraid of me.
It’s just……..the stress of lack of sleep and anxiety killing me lately.

Then, I enter my class again.
I saw Shizune, Misha, Lilly, and Hanako. Looks like they still debate about reports. Then someone pat at my arm, a classmate with eye patch.
“Hisao, I think you did a right thing.”
I am confused.
“Huh, why ?”
He explains to me, since I am stormed out the classroom, Misha, Shizune, and Lilly tried to talk in civil way. No more shouting. No more guilt trip.
“I see….i don’t mean to….”
Then he stopped me and give me reassuring face.
“It’s okay, Hisao. No one stand up to Shizune and Misha in ages and you are definitely the first. Anyway, my name is Vito. Nice to meet you.”
“Err, yeah. Nice to meet you too.”
We do handshake and I am about to go to my table. Then, they see me.
“Hi, Hicchan. Where you have been ?”
“Just….grab some fresh air. Eh look.”
I did look at Misha, Shizune, Lilly, and Hanako.
“Misha, Shizune, Lilly. I am really sorry that I am upset and venting up my anger to you all. I don’t mean to do that. I am sorry, once again.”
Then, Lilly is the first one who speaks,
“It’s okay, Hisao. I understand that you are not mean to hurt us all. In fact, you did make some point from our argument. I think we are given a time dispensation to submit our budget and registration documents. I want to thank you for reminding me that I should not give in into argument like before.”
Then Lilly bow to me and,
“And Hanako. Please watch Hisao for me, okay ? I think he is not in his best form, lately.”
“I w-w-will, Lilly.”
Then she left our class to her class. Then I ask Hanako,
“Umm, is she upset with me?”
Hanako shake her head,
“No,i-it’s not. She is truly grateful because you made s-some sense to her.”
Then Misha and Shizune face me.
“…”
“Hicchan, we are apologizing if we make you upset with our argument. It’s true that we need things to under wrap, but I think we are too harsh to Lilly’s classmate. So, we are willing to extend the deadline.”
I am relieved to hear the news but still felt mentally exhausted.
“Thank you…. for understanding me. I, too, will do better next time.”
And then Mr. Mutou comes and we back to our chairs. And the morning lesson begins.

So aside I am exhausted from my morning jog and little incident on this morning, I feel greatly anxious about what’s gonna happen later. I can’t focus on what Mr. Mutou’s lesson, until he calls me out.
“Nakai, may I speak with you for a moment?”
“Ah…..sure, sir.”
Then I followed Mr. Mutou to the door. And here we go again, speak outside the class.
“So, I heard from Sho that you are restless lately. And he said that I have to keep an eye on you because, I think he is right. You need a kind of break. I take it that you have a hard time to follow my lesson this morning. I am offering you to take a break from attending class. How about it?”
“Ah, I see….. I am all right, sir. Really. I know I am looks like restless due my medications, but…..”
To be honest, I don’t know what to say anymore. I am tired to say the same thing over and over. Tell them I am okay, just tired.
But Mutou look at me seriously.
“Nakai, I want to remind you that your health is the important here, so I want to make sure that you are okay. And, I also notice that you have anxiety. I heard that you yelled at Ms. Shizune, Ms. Mikado, and Ms. Lilly because you are uncomfortable with their arguments, correct?”
Ah, someone must be told him about the morning mess I made, but Mutou gives me reassuring face,
“Please don’t be afraid. I am not here to punish you or something. I want you to be careful when you are expressing your concern or opinion. Please understand this because I think due your anxiety, you vent up in wrong direction. Do you want to talk about it?”
“I don’t think, sir. Really, I am okay. I….am just tired.”
Then Mr. Mutou sighing.
“Very well, but let me know if you need something. I can arrange a session with a therapist for you. And again, next time be careful about vent up your emotions.”
I nodded,
“Of course, sir. I don’t want to do something stupid again. It’s not like I want to do anything stupid, really.”
Mr. Mutou patted my shoulder and smiling.
“And also, I want to thank you because you are helping out Ikezawa with give her home assignments. She told me about that and she is grateful. Shall we back to the class?”
“Yes, sir. Lead the way.”

To be honest, after our conversation, my anxiety is just growing up.
Think about how Misha, Shizune, even Lilly feels uncomfortable with me is truly torturing me.
I want to cry, but I can’t.
I really want to get out immediately.

The lunch bell is ringing. Everyone is leaving for cafeteria.
I don’t have any mood to go to there. But I see Hanako approach me.
“Hisao, L-l-l-lunch ?”
I want to reject, but since Lilly asks her to accompany me, I dare not.
“Sure. But I don’t want to go to cafeteria.”
“We can go to t-t-t-tea room. Lilly will j-j-join us.”
Now it’s getting awkward. But I already agree. So, I will go.
“Sure, Hanako. Lead the way.”
So, we are on the way to the tea room and I just realized I don’t have any lunch with me.
“Hanako. I am sorry, I think I don’t bring any lunch, I….”
But Hanako stopped me right there,
“I a-already made you one, Hisao. Don’t w-w-worry.”
I am truly surprised with her initiative. So, we back to make our own way to tea room.
“Here’s the t-tea room.”
So, we enter the tea room and I think this is more like a break room for teachers, but more like for students. I can see the chess set, books, even card games here. And I saw Lilly already there, prepare tea….for us?
“Ah Hanako, Hisao. Welcome. Please take a seat.”
We take a seat near Lilly, but I feel awkward. I am more anxious than before.
I think Lilly can sense my anxious and she wants to break the silence.
“Hisao, are you okay? I can sense that you are tense up. Please calm down. I won’t bite you.”
Lilly says that cheerfully, meanwhile I still feel awkward.
Then Hanako give me my lunch and I start to open the lunch box.
I am amazed with the content of the bento.
“I hope y-you like it, H-h-Hisao.” Hanako said shyly.
I feel melancholic, somehow. Then Lilly starts to speak.
“Hisao, about this morning…..I want to apologize if my argument with Shizune and Misha makes you uncomfortable. It’s been a while someone scold me like that, not since Akira scold me about make fun of her silly mistake.”
“Akira?”
“Lilly’s elder sister, H-hisao.” Hanako explain.
Ah, I see.
“Of course, I don't mind what happened this morning but I felt something different about you. Are you okay lately? you feel…. restless and anxious.”
And Lilly is sharp.
“I feel like you're keeping everything bottled up and with what happened this morning, I feel like your emotions are a little unstable. Are you okay?”
I don’t know what to answer, so I use the usual answer.
“Don’t worry, I….am okay. Again, I am apologizing deeply for my action in this morning. I hope we can still be friends, despite what happened.”
Then Lilly gives me a smile. She looks pretty when she is smile.
“Apologize accepted, Hisao. And, I want to let you know, this is not affected our friendship. And I am glad I able to talk to you about this. But, Hisao, have you considered talking to with therapist about this ?”
“Actually, Mr. Mutou speaks the same. But I still think about it.”
Then Lilly put her worried face.
“Just don’t do anything harsh, Hisao. Promise us.”
I see Lilly and Hanako.
“Of course, I will.”
“Then let us eat our lunch. I already make some tea for us.”
Then we dig on our lunch and tea.
But I still feel guilty about what happened.
Lilly and Shizune and Misha may forgive me, but deep down, I still don’t know.
And again, my head filled again with weird thoughts.

After having lunch with Hanako and Lilly and back to the class, I stare at the the outside from the window. I wonder for how long I will live, how long I can deal with new life of myself. Sure, it’s just five days, but I think I don’t know what to do anymore.
I don’t want to overthink, but these thoughts always got me better. Especially about life expectancy.
What if I just throw myself from the roof? Maybe my pain just went after that.
I don’t know. Really.
At this point, I want to stop my suffering.

After the school is over, I simply return to my room. I avoided many contacts, especially some people I know. I rushed myself. I held my tears. And I feel lonely.
In my room, I am crying. I wish I can get over with this.
Especially with uncertainness about my life expectancy.
Then, I decide to do this as soon as possible.
I take a pen and paper, and I write up my thoughts.
And then I go to the roof. And, I will throw myself.
I just want this suffering over.

Around this hour, should be fine.
I carefully not make any contact like before. I able to slip busy commotions of students nicely. Then make my way to the roof.

When Hisao make his way to the stairs, someone saw him. A girl.
“Hisao ?”
And then, she following him, afraid for what will happened to him.

So, here I am. On the roof of Yamaku building. This is a new thing for me. About drop myself from this roof to the below.
I am shaking. I am afraid.
But what is more scary? Uncertain life expectancy or instant death so I don’t have to suffer?
I held the suicide note and medication tightly on my hands. Left hand holds the note and right hand holds my med.
Then I saw an opportunity to climb the fences, and then jump. Jump. Jump like there’s another opportunity. Before someone spotted and prevent you.
I am sweating. Do I really want to do this? I try not to cry. My thoughts are messing up. When I walk to the fences, I want to climb.
But something holds me back. What If I succeed to let myself fall? Is the problem solved?
All I think is the grieving faces of everyone I know……. The temptation is strong. It’s so strong.
But I want to assure myself. This is not the way. I take the deep breath and I don’t want to climb the fences. I let my tears flow from my eyes. And then I immediately to get out from the roof.
When I pass the door, my chest is hurting.
SO PAINFUL !
“Aaargh !!”
I fell while holding my aching chest. My letter and medicine fell. I could feel the pain from my heartbeat.
Is this a punishment because I wanted to try to commit suicide? The pain was getting worse.
"Help me...."
Maybe this is a punishment....
And I heard the sound of footsteps.
Was it just my imagination? And I couldn't stand to see something approaching me.
Forgive me.
Forgive me....

"Hisao !!"

That voice .... Hanako?
When I tried to look, Hanako, looked panicked, while crying, holding both of my shoulders ....
"H-h-hisao! H-h-h-hold on !!"
She looked panicked, looking for something. I tried to tell her about my medicine.
"A small orange bottle .... that's my medicine ..."
Hanako immediately found it and took out some pills and tried to give them to me.
After that, she still looked panic, but she immediately held my chest with her right hand, and her left hand embraced me.
"H-H-H-Hisao .... S-s-s-s-stay with me .... p-p-please ...."

I tried to control my breathing.
My heart, calm down..... And I felt stable again.
And I was still in a state of being hugged by Hanako.
"Hanako....I....I'm fine..."

Hanako, still crying, looked at me,
"I-i-i-i-it's not fine! You look really hurt!"
As I adjusted my sitting position, Hanako continued to help me.
"Thank you Hanako.....I...I.."
But Hanako, interrupted me
"I-I-I-I'll take you t-t-t-to the n-t-nurse's office. Y-y-you can't r-r-r-r-refuse"
I gave up, I didn't want Hanako to worry about me, especially since she had to overcome her panic to help me...
"Okay.....let me catch my breath first...."
And when Hanako was about to help me, she saw my notes and immediately took them and put them in her pocket quickly.
I tried to stand up but was still a bit weak.
"Can you help me?"
And immediately Hanako helped me and we are now heading to the nurse's office.

Now we're in the nurse's room, and when Sho asked what happened, Hanako told him the truth. How she spotted me on the stairs and the episode attack of mine.
Including the note that Hanako found after helping me out.
Sho read my note and he shook his head, looking disappointed. Hanako looked even more worried when Sho showed her my letter.
"Hisao, are you going to commit suicide? This note can make the people around you very stressed"
I didn't mean it that way.....
"Moreover, your words are so messy. You are not really good at writing letters."
Okay, I didn't expect to get a response like that.
Sho folded the letter again and came to me, who was on the bed in his room.
"Hisao, do you realize what you did? Do you still have the heart to the people who struggled to give you hope in life? Luckily Hanako found you. God knows what happened if she did not follow you."
And Sho shakes his head.
“And you did this RIGHT four days after you get transferred here!!”
But Hanako tried to reason with Sho-sensei.
"Nurse...p-p-p-please don't be too harsh on Hisao...."
And Hanako immediately held my hand tightly.
"H-h-h-h-hisao s-s-s-stupid. Why are you like that?"
Hanako cried loudly again.
Sho, sighed, and took a chair for Hanako and him.
"Hisao, can you tell me what make you do this?"
I told them everything about my anxiety for my life expectations and I felt like my life was a mess because I still couldn't adapt. And also, how my optimistic feelings turned into something destructive.
I clenched my fists. I cried again.
"Why am I like this.... why do I have to have a condition like this....."
And Hanako hugged me again, while rubbing my back.
And Sho-sensei, understanding my condition.
"Hisao, listen to me. Maybe you shouldn't keep this feeling to yourself. You feel alone, even though we are all here for you. You can rely on me, Mutou, Hanako, and everyone. Don't keep it all to yourself."
And, Sho-sensei, took a few moments.
"I have something that might calm you down. Want to hear it?"
I nodded while Hanako got me some warm water.
"Do you know why Mr. Kazuki wanted to sponsor you? Even though you two have no relationship. Just Yamaku's sponsor and an ordinary student."
"I... don't know. I've been trying to find out about it."
"Then, remember this well. Mr. Kazuki's son also has the same condition as you. But the difference is, Mr. Kazuki is too busy with his work and passion that he doesn't pay attention to his son's condition. Even when he found out about his son's condition when he had an attack while he was in school, it was too late."
Hanako and I were surprised. We didn't expect a story like this.
"This incident made Mr. Kazuki stressed and almost committed suicide. But because he remembered the memories with his son, he didn't want to end his life. He wanted to give the best for people who have the same condition as his son. You know the name of Mr. Kazuki's foundation, right? It was inspired by his son. That's why every year, if Yamaku asks for a sponsor if there is anyone willing to help with your condition, he will be happy to help."
"When we heard your story from the Yamaku foundation, Mr. Kazuki was the first person who wanted to help you. He even wanted to help you with the cost of medicine and daily life".
I felt guilty after hearing this story. But Sho-sensei tried to calm me down.
"Hisao, I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty. I want you to know that you are not alone, even a stranger like Mr. Kazuki wants to help you. Even Hanako, who I know has quite high anxiety, wants to help you. Please remember this well"
And when Sho-sensei get up, approach for a nearby trash bin.
"And for these notes, I think this is a secret between the three of us. I won't tell anyone."
And Sho-sensei tore up the letter into pieces and threw it into the trash bin.
"I will make you a recommendation for a meeting with a therapist this Saturday before the Culture festival. Make sure you have free time, okay?"
I nodded in agreement.
"Hanako will also be having therapy on the Saturday so I suggest you guys go together."
Hanako nodded at me and I unconsciously continued to hold her hand. Unconsciously, we held each other's hands tightly.
Sho, who saw that, smiled widely and winked at us.
"Wow, at least you got something meaningful, huh, Hisao?"
Hanako and I immediately let go of our hands and blushed.
"It's okay Hisao, you still have a long way to go. You can do it. I believe in you."
And Sho-sensei took something from his desk.
"Here, because you guys are being sweet kids, I'll give you a lollipop, hehe"
I, who was feeling better, took a lollipop and Hanako also took one.
"Thank you, Sho-sensei. I... am indebted to you"
Sho immediately corrected,
"I didn't do anything, Hanako is the one you should be thanking."
"Thank you, Hanako......I owe you a lot"
Hanako, looking shy,
"N-n-n-n-no problem. What's important is that y-y-y-you still want to live."
"Alright, I suggest you guys get some rest tonight. I will prepare your new medicine, Hisao. And remember, if anything happens, you can come here.”
Hanako and I thanked Sho and we went back to our respective dorms. Together.
While walking, Hanako started asking.
"Hisao, a-a-a-are you g-g-g-getting better?"
"I'm better than before. I'm sorry I showed you something you shouldn't have seen"
Hanako shook her head and held my arm.
"Hisao.....i-i-i-i want to be there f-f-f-for you. Like I said t-t-to you before."
I was so grateful.
"Thank you Hanako. We're close to your dorm. Get some rest. Say hi to Lily"
Hanako nodded.
"Y-y-y-you too, Hisao. G-g-good night."
I pat her head and continue to my own dorm on my own.

Then I arrive at my room, sit on my bed. I am thinking.
Is this because I somehow distance myself from everyone?
Hanako may fragile but she able to overcome her panic to help me.
Sho is right, I am not alone. And of course, the first thing is reconnecting with everyone.
So, I start up my laptop and check my messenger group chat app on my laptop.
The group is still there. But I think there’s no conversation yet.
I am not alone. I don’t want to feel like everyone leave me. At least, give me a try to reconnect.
So I type this:

Off Topic

Hisao : Hello everyone, it’s Hisao. I am sorry that I don’t give any updates to you all. I know everyone’s already move on but, know this. I am doing well on Yamaku. I hope any of you can see this and be well too. I hope everyone’s on good spirits, stay hydrated and stay fine. And send my regards to Iwanako. And also, I am apologizing too because I am not a good friend enough, but I hope you guys give me a chance to do better. Good night everyone.

That’s it.
And when I am about to close the app, something funny happened:

You have group notifications (10+)

I decide to check again on the group:

Off Topic

Hisao : Hello everyone, it’s Hisao. I am sorry that I don’t give any updates to you all. I know everyone’s already move on but, know this. I am doing well on Yamaku. I hope any of you can see this and be well too. I hope everyone’s on good spirits, stay hydrated and stay fine. And send my regards to Iwanako. And also, I am apologize too because I am not a good friend enough, but I hope you guys give me a chance to do better. Good night everyone.
Shion : HOLY MOLY
Shion : HISAOOOO
Ryuzaki : Hisaoooo !!! Welcome backkk !!
Toshi : MY DUDEEEEEE
Toshi : SEE, HE STILL ALIVEEEE
Toshi : WE MISS YOU BUDDY
Shion : Brooo, WHY TAKE SO LONG TO TALK
Shion : ARE YOU FORGET US ALREADY ??
Shion : I AM MAD FFS
Ryuzaki : Calm, lil girl. Hisao just find a time for us
Ryuzaki : Cut him some slack
Ryuzaki : I am glad you finally chat in this group chat, Hisao. Please don’t be sorry. We know you are busy.
Mamoru : My brother !! Good to see you back online again. Shall I put a voice note for you?
Shion : Please don’t. Your voice is tormenting.
Shion : I ain’t kidding.
Ryuzaki : Please tell us about your stuffs lately, Hisao
Ryuzaki : We thought something happened to you, man.
Ryuzaki : But we are glad you are doing well.
Ryuzaki : Glad we keep this group intact, too !
Ryuzaki : Please take your time, brother.
Somehow my tears is about to get out from my eyes and I am happy to tell on group :
Hisao : Well, many things happened on Yamaku, but the one think I got learn is, reconnect.
Hisao : I know you guys have your own life, but I want to speak with y’all. While I can.
Hisao : And I miss your annoying voice, Mamoru.
Hisao : Reminds me of my classmate, a girl who have same tendency with you.
Shion : Well, if you combine them, Hisao, You got a broken Speaker set.
Mamoru : EXCUSE MEEEEE, LADYY.
Mamoru : Whoa really ? Gotta introduce to me, Hisao.
Shion : Please don’t encourage them to meet, Hisao. I doubt any windows will survive.
Hisao : HAHA, LIKELY !!
Toshi : So, how’s life there, Hisao ? Better ?
Hisao : Thankfully, it’s better. I learn so much new things here.
Toshi : Glad to hear.
Ryuzaki : And speaking of Iwanako.
Ryuzaki : She already got a boyfriend.
Ryuzaki : His name is Katsumoto. He plays on soccer club. He is the captain by the way.
Hisao : Really ?
Hisao : He is very popular, right ?
Ryuzaki : Indeed.
Ryuzaki : They have been on date for month, so he manage to make other girls sad.
Hisao : Glad to hear.
Hisao : I hope she is happy with him. Please send my regards to Iwanako and Katsumoto.
Ryuzaki : I will. She is always asking us about you. Glad you decide to contact us through this group chat.
Ryuzaki : I will relay your regards to her.
Shion : Hmph, just don’t keep us waiting in dark, Hisao ! Everyone missed you.
Toshi : Good man.
Mamoru : You should learn from Hisao, Toshi.
Hisao : What happened ?
Mamoru : Toshi’s crush is dating our classmate. Toshi immediately went full denial.
Hisao : WHAT. HOW. WHEN.
Shion : Slow down, bro.
Shion : Worse, Toshi took more cakes and he went full diarrhea.
Hisao : Damn…..feel bad for you buddy.
Toshi : My bro :””
Toshi : Unlike the evil girl there.
Shion : HISSSSS.
Ryuzaki : Anyway, glad you are doing well. Sadly, I need to get offline because tomorrow I need to help my old man to fix few bikes on our garage.
Shion : Yeah, I want to talk more too but we gotta sleep.
Toshi : Me too. We gotta continue this tomorrow.
Mamoru : Keep us updated, Hisao. I will let your old hometeacher know about you on Monday.
Shion : Glad the old gang is back again !!
Hisao : Thank you everyone. See you guys later.

I am happy that I am wrong, everyone is glad to know I am there again. Especially Iwanako. I am glad she found her love. I am truly happy.
After that, I turn off my laptop. Perhaps, this is a new opportunity for me. I will attend a therapy session tomorrow. Then, I do better from now on. Fresh start.
And….I miss Hanako already. I owe her my life. I promise I will do better. For real. I am not waste this second chance of life.

[LiteracyIsNoLimited]

I am awake. With tears on my eyes.
I remember what happened yesterday. I tried to take my own life with fall from the Yamaku’s roof. And then I got heart attack, Hanako helps me out, take me to the nurse, and then I reconnect with old friends through group chat application.
I feel tired, but somehow, I feel better. Perhaps because I finally can vent out my thoughts to Sho-sensei and Hanako. And also, talk again with old gang. And then I saw the clock on my phone.
“05.30 AM”
I immediately put on my track jacket, pants and shoes and get to do morning exercise again. I think I want to do this for my own initiative. I decide to give it try again. The morning jog.
When I am arrived at running track, of course it’s too early for everyone, including me. But yesterday, Emi tell that I should do this with honesty.
I want to be honest to myself. I want to get healthy, for myself, and for my friends and family, especially Hanako. So, I warm up myself and get ready to do morning jog.
Let’s do three laps, then. Bring it on. But this time, I put my earphone and play a song in my phone.
Low Roar – Bones
Another song recommendation from Shion. She gave me the song before she gone offline from last night. Thank you, old friend.
This time, I won’t lose myself to anxiety!!

So, I am supposed to do three laps, but instead I do five laps. I feel tired, but satisfied. Maybe because I am do this for real. For my health. And of course, be honest with myself.
“Good job, Hisao. I must say, I am impressed.”
That voice, Emi.
“Oh, hi. I did not see you there. I am sorry I don’t give you any message about morning jog.”
“Nah, it’s okay. I was supposed to not run early because today is Saturday, and you don’t have to wake up early because no lessons at Saturday. But, I watch you and I feel want to run too, but I think you enjoyed yourself back then. So proud of you.”
Emi give me her smile and pat my back.
“So, what’s the plan today?”
“I think I want to visit a session with therapist today. Sho-sensei already make one session appointment, so I want to be there after I take shower.”
Emi looks confused.
“Therapist? are you okay Hisao?”
“I am okay. No worries. Besides, I feel better this time. And…. thank you for ask me to be honest with myself more, Emi.”
Emi grinning and smile again.
“It’s my pleasure, Hisao!! Don’t push yourself too much, okay ??”
“I will!! See you later !!”
And I make my way back to dorm, but after I saw Emi start to run.
She is truly something.
Now, back to the today’s business.

After I take shower and get changed (and thankfully, I did not encounter Kenji). I make my way to the nurse office. I saw few students and school officials prepare booths for tomorrow’s culture event. I feel bad that I don’t help that much but I think I want to attend tomorrow. Maybe I can tried some foods and play some games there.
And here I am, in front of Nurse’s office. I knocked the door.
“Ah, is that you, Hisao?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“Come in!”
So, I enter the nurse room, and he is smiling.
“Good morning, Hisao. You look in good mood today. Something happened?”
“Well, it’s nothing. Just managed to run for five laps instead of three. And then, Emi praise me and I feel like I did good thing today after messy last night.”
Sho-sensei smiling.
“That’s good! Now, you just wait ok? Currently your therapist is on session with Hanako.”
“Hanako. She is already here?”
“Yeah, she asks me about you, but I tell her that you might get late because you are sleepy head.”
Sho-sensei playfully grin to me. I simply let small laugh.
Then I wait. And for the meantime, I will use this opportunity to talk with Sho-sensei.

Hours passed, I still talking with Sho-sensei. We are talking about Mr. Mutou.
“So, back then, Mr. Mutou is always wearing his long brown coat?”
“True, and also he is popular among the girls because his cool demeanor.”
“Until now?”
“Until now. I heard that he still got secret love letter from students.”
“No way.”
“It’s true. And do you know, Mutou is already married?”
“HUHH ??”
“I knew it. Your disbelief response haha.”
“That’s actually new for me.”
“It’s quite a shock to every Yamaku’s teachers, you know. We don’t know anything about him really. I heard he is married to a foreigner lady who is actually Yamaku’s one of the sponsors.”
“Like Mr. Kenzaki and Mrs. Alice?”
“Exactly. But he is quite low-profile person, so he keeps his private life hidden well, except the part that he has a wife because someone accidentally saw his phone screen is him and a foreign woman in wedding clothing.”
“And he still got love letter from students until now?”
“That’s remains to be known.”
Then I saw Hanako enter the room. She is surprised look at us, but after that she is smiling at me.
“Hello H-h-hisao. It’s your t-t-turn.”
I am blushing.
“Hello Hanako. Sure thing.”
“Hisao, i-i-I will wait f-f-for you. I want to take you s-somewhere.”
Huh?
Sho-sensei, smile playfully look at us.
“Just listen to her, Hisao. You owe her, after all. Now be a good kid and follow me.”
Sho-sensei took me to the consultation hall and Hanako wave at me and I give her reassuring smile.
So here we are, in front of door number 1.
“After you.”
Then I saw a room of two sofa. One for single person, and other one for three persons. And also, I see the teapot and cups and I see an old lady, standing near the window. I think she observe laughing students who play at outside the building.
“May I introduce you to my dear mother, who will have a session with you today, Hisao. Her name is Mrs. Yumi and you will talk about yourself to her, today.”
The old lady let a small laughs and pinch Sho-sensei’s cheek.
“If I were your mother, dear Nurse, probably I should scold you about how to act proper in front of students.”
“Ow, ow, ow. I am kidding, Mrs. Yumi !!”
And then, the old lady smile to me,
“I am really sorry to have you see this ridiculous act of Sho, my dear Hisao. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Yumi Himekawa, I am your therapist for today’s session. And of course, Sho is not my son. My son would be calmer than him.”
Sho, smiling to me. Excuses himself to get out from the room.
“Very well then, Hisao. Then I leave him to you, Yumi-san.”
Then he leaves the room and Mrs. Yumi offers me a cup of hot tea. Smells so good.
“May I offer you a cup of earl grey tea? To make you feel calmer.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Yumi.”
I accept the cup of tea and it taste so good.
“So, I want to begin our session because I think Hanako told me that she wants to bring you somewhere else on this beautiful Saturday, and I hope I can make this session is good for you.”
I never had a therapy session before but I think this mark the first time for me. I want to see how things turn.
“It’s my pleasure to able to attend this session, Mrs. Yumi.”
She smiles again.
“Ok, so now, I already heard things from Sho-sensei about your anxiety, struggles and your recent…..stunt.
I feel embarrassed and I clench my hands, but Mrs. Yumi keep smiling to me.
“I don’t mean to remind you about that. I want to ask you; how do you feel back then before you decide such thing? Take your time.”
I still embarrassed but I don’t want to keep it on me again. I want to talk about this.
“To be honest, that time I’ve just been so overwhelmed. It feels like everything is crashing down on me, and I don’t know how to handle it anymore. Especially about how to get used with new life at Yamaku.”
Mrs. Yumi write on her notes and indicate me to keep talk.
“Please, continue.”
“And then, when I know I am transferred to here with a sponsor who want to helps me out, I feel the pressure to do well, the expectations, and how I tried to be optimism about this but I feel I just failed at it. I tried to enjoy the new life while I lose some from my old school, but I still feel not enough. Especially with my new condition.”
I put my hands to my chest, where I can feel the surgery scar.
“Then…then, Mr. Mutou tried to encourage me to do what I can do best. He is very supportive, even ask me if I can keep up with my studies after get transferred. And, I simply still doubt myself, if I can cope up with my new life at Yamaku. It’s kind of…..sad, you know ?”
Mrs. Yumi stop writing and then asks me,
“That sounds incredibly tough. I hear that you’re feeling very alone in this, and like there’s no way out of these overwhelming thoughts. When you think about not being here, what do you feel in your body? Especially I heard that you feel stressed a lot because your medications.”
“I just feel numb. Like nothing matters anymore. And I’m exhausted, mentally and physically. I keep wondering if people would be better off without me, if they’d be less stressed. I mean, everyone has their own problems, and if I opened myself up, they are more stressed think about me. Like Hanako, Emi, Lilly, Rin, and others. I feel like I simply want to push people away.”
Then I sighing and tried to find better words to explain what’s my struggle.
“I don’t know... it’s just hard to see that. I feel like I’ve been struggling for so long and I’m just tired. It feels like no matter what I do, it doesn’t get better.”
Then Mrs. Yumi speaks again,
“It sounds like you’ve been carrying this burden alone. It’s understandable that you'd feel worn out by it. But sometimes, when we’re in the depths of anxiety, we can’t always see a way out. That’s why it’s so important to reach out and ask for help, like you’re doing now. We can work together to help lighten that load. Do you think we can take a step-by-step approach to start managing these overwhelming feelings?”
“I hope I can do this, really. But I am still scared.”
Especially when I remember again Hanako’s face full of tears when she tried to help me. Am I being cruel to let her sad again? Am I too cruel to push everyone else from me?
This time, I won’t give in into that bad thoughts again. Never again.
“I hear you. It’s normal to feel scared when you’re facing such deep pain. And it’s okay if it feels hard. The fact that you’re here, even feeling this way, is a huge step. We can start by breaking things down into small, manageable pieces. How about we begin with focusing on what’s in front of you right now—what’s one thing you can do today to take care of yourself, even if it’s something small?”
“Like go with Hanako? I think I can do that. Recently I got myself into morning jog again in my own initiative.”
“I think that’s a wonderful idea. Getting some fresh air with someone can sometimes help clear your mind, even if just a little. It’s not about fixing everything all at once, but giving yourself moments to breathe and feel something different, even briefly. Would you be willing to try that and then let me know how it felt afterward?”
“I’ll try. I will. I decide not to push anyone else anymore. I had enough.”
Then Mrs. Yumi offers me another a cup of hot tea,
“It means you’re giving them the chance to understand and support you. We’ll continue to explore what feels right for you. And remember, I’m here to help you every step of the way, like I did to Hanako. She shares the same struggles like you, but she talks a lot about you, Hisao. I think you two can support each other on this.”
Hear that makes me feel better.
“Thanks…..i really glad I can do this. I will do what I can. I will let you know again if I want this session again.”
“You are always welcomed here, Hisao. Remember, you are not alone.”
Then I bowed to Mrs. Yumi and leave the room.
That’s really something. I feel I let out everything on my chest. It’s kind of refreshing. I think I want to do this again, should I feel down again.
And yes, about Hanako…. should not keep her waiting.
“Oh, hey Hisao. Your session is done?”
I hear Sho-sensei call me out.
“Yeah, I want to see Hanako, now. I don’t want to keep her waiting.”
“Before that, here, I got new medications for you.”
Sho-sensei approach me and give new two bottles of new meds.
“I already consulted with your previous doctor and we think we can give you med with lighter effect, so let me know if there’s any changes. And as usual, three times a day.”
“To survive.”
Sho-sensei is surprised when I said that.
“I want to survive.”
Then Sho-sensei smiling to me and squeeze my shoulder.
“That’s a man. Now, go fetch your girlfriend.”
He grinning and he rub my hair.

To be honest, I actually like Hanako. Like, I feel a connection between us. But consider she is kind of shy and timid, I take my time to know her. No need to rush things.
And now, I think I want to know her better more than ever.
Then I saw Hanako on waiting room. Wait for me.
“Sorry I take so long.”
“It’s okay H-h-hisao. They are still w-w-wait for us.”
I take it we are meet with some people, but that’s okay. I want to spend time more with my friends, from now on.
So I and Hanako take a walk to the gates and I ask her,
“So, where we are going?”
“Ah, I f-f-forget. We are going to the Shanghai C-c-cafee.”
“Ohh, looks interesting. We simply walk from here?”
“Y-y-yes. Only take 20 m-m-minutes.”
“Then let’s go, Hanako.”
I give her my smile and she is smiling too.

So we are walking side by side. I think this is good. Maybe I can try to talk with her about herself.
“Say, Hanako. Can I ask you something?”
“S-s-sure, Hisao. What is it ?”
“I wonder what’s your hobby?”
“W-w-why?”
“To get know you better.”
I can feel she is blushing.
“I-i-I think, my hobby is mostly r-r-read and….”
“And ?”
“Chess. I always play chess by myself. And also…..please don’t l-laugh.”
“I promise, I won’t.”
“K-k-karaoke.”
“I did not expect that from you, really. Reminds me that from my old school, we are always spend time to do karaoke after school time.”
Hanako seemingly interested.
“R-r-really ? Do you like s-s-singing ?”
“Put it bluntly, I am not really a good singer.”
Both of us laughing.
“But I remember Shion, she is always singing well. Her most favorite songs are western ones.”
“S-s-shion ?”
I noticed she somehow take interest to Shion’s name but I decide to tell her more about my old friends.
“She is my old classmate from my old school. I want to tell you that I have old gang back then. There are Ryuzaki, Shion, Toshi and Mamoru. They are my good friends.”
“Did you talk t-t-to them again ?”
“Actually, yes. On our group chat app. After…..yesterday’s stuff…..i decide to reach out them and they are seemingly happy, know that I did update them about me. Do you have old friends, Hanako?”
“I…umm…..i don’t have. I spent my d-d-days get b-b-bullied.”
I did not see that coming. How people bully her because her condition.
“And…I live at o-o-orphanage c-c-currently.”
“I See…..then you are close with Lilly, then ?”
Hanako smile when I mention her. I think Lilly is take care of her greatly.
“Y-yes. Lilly is k-kind to me.”
“Glad to hear that.”
“And y-y-you, too.”
And I got blushed so hard now.
“Eh….i-i-it was nothing, really. But thank you. And, is that the place you mention, Hanako?”
Hanako see where my finger points and she nod.
“Y-y-yes. That’s S-shanghai.”
“Then let’s go.”

I and Hanako finally arrive at Shanghai Café.
The design of this café is Japanese traditional style. I just find out now.
“I take it this place is popular among Yamaku students?”
Hanako nod at me, and she looks she find someone she wants to see.
“L-L-Lilly!! A-a-Akira !!”
I saw two girls sat side by side. Lily, with her casual dress and I take it the other one is Akira, her elder sister. Akira is like a businesswoman; she wears a set of suit and her hair is kind of tomboyish.
Lilly immediately smiling and Akira waves her hands to us. Then we approach them.
“Oh, Hanako? You are arrive just now?”
“Y-y-yes. With H-H-Hisao.”
“Oh my, you two go together? Please sit, Hisao, Hanako.”
I still feel awkward to Lilly, and I think she tells the incident to Akira too, but I still have to face it though.
“Hisao, let me introduce you to my sister, Akira Satou. She is currently work on our father’s company of Japan branch.”
“Yo, wassup.”
I simply nod.
“Nice to meet you, Akira-san.”
“Eh just call me Akira. Nice to meet you too.”
Then Akira give us menu.
“C’mon Hisao, Hanako!! Order something. I am starving to wait for both of you.”
She smiling playfully to us, while Lilly sighing.
“Sis, I told you to order ahead….”
“Cmooon, and eat alone? that’s not cool Lilly.”
I think they are getting along (of course they are siblings).
“All right, I think I want to grab a coffee latte and chocolate cake. How about you, Hanako?
“I think I w-w-would like a coffee latte and strawberry cake.”
Then the waitress come to us, looks familiar.
Wait, is she….
“Yuuko ?”
Yuuko, frantically see me but she immediately bow and greet us,
“Hello. Is it the time for order something? I..uhh….”
Then Lilly calm her down.
“It’s okay, Yuuko. It’s Hisao first time here, so don’t be afraid. We forget to tell him why you are work here.”
Then I reassure Yuuko.
“It’s okay, Yuuko. I am actually surprised that you work here. You work after school?”
Yuuko frantically shake her heads and answer me immediately.
“N…NO, I work here every Saturday and Sunday. I did this because my salary is not enough alone.”
It’s awkward situation, but Yuuko immediately change the subject.
“Okay, let me take your order and please wait !!”
Then she immediately takes our order lists to the kitchen. I still feel surprised, but I feel someone stare at me.
Akira actually stare at me, curiously. What I did wrong?
“Say, Hisao. How long you are at Yamaku ?”
“Six days, since this week’s Monday.”
“Ah, I see. Lilly told me that you have heart issue, no?”
“Yes, that’s why I transferred here. And I really grateful for the Yamaku’s assistance.”
“I see, I see.”
Then Akira and Lilly talk again, in English. Their English are really good.
I saw Hanako was quite restless, only able to see Akira and Lilly chatting in English. She also wanted to join the conversation but was confused about what to talk about.
I think I want to talk with Hanako, so she is not lonely at all.
“Hanako, want to see my hamster picture? If I forgot to tell, I have one in my dorm room.”
Suddenly Hanako got interested and she wanted to know about my hamster.
“WHAT ? Y-y-y-you have o-o-one?”
“Yeah, here let me show you.”
I opened my phone gallery and I show her Mr. Pinkman’s pictures.
She seemingly smitten by his cuteness and want to ask more.
“D-d-do you bring h-h-him to dormitory?”
“Yes, I ask permission about pet and as long I can be responsible, I can bring him along.”
“W-whoa. Can i-i-I s-s-see him, someday?”
“Sure, why not Hanako? I am sure he would love to see you.”
And Akira curious too,
“So, who’s your hamster name?”
“Mr. Pinkman.”
Then Akira laughing, I think she get the reference….
“PINKMAN AS IN FROM THE BREAKING BAD ??”
“YES !!”
“GEEZ, I LOVE THE SHOW. NEVER KNEW YOU LOVE THAT TOO, HISAO !!”
“The show is really great, especially with Saul Goodman’s appearance.”
“Agree !! I watch that with my boyfriend, and we are big fans of that show.”
Then Hanako joined,
“C-c-c-can I watch it too, H-H-Hisao ?”
“Sure, when we have time, we can watch that on my Laptop.”
“T-t-thank you.”
Hanako smile again and it’s makes me blushed but feel proud. I am glad I can make Hanako comfortable like this. And I saw Lilly give me her smile, looks like she approves how I include Hanako on our conversation.
Why I don’t do this before? I feel guilty but now I want to do better.
And while we wait for our food and drink, I can see Hanako is fascinated with Akira’s explanation about Breaking Bad, while Lilly listen to them quietly.
And then, I put my earphone and play a music.
Yellow Magic Orchestra – Expecting Rivers
Never knew Synthpop would be this good.

Dreams fly by
In the starless sky
Dreams fly by
時々闇夜に漂う僕
手さぐりで流れる僕ら
ザブザブ流れる川岸
シクシク水は泪色
ユラユラ君は迷ってる
クルクル僕はまわってる

I am too focused to listen the song until Hanako poke me with her finger.
“Can i-i- Listen too ?”
“Of course, Hanako. Here.”
I give her my left earphone and we listen together. Looks like she like the song.
Well, I am glad she like this one song. I don’t have any preference about music, but Shion always recommend me her playlist. After all, she is working at her parent’s recording shop. She knew her stuffs.
We listen the song until it ended.
“This song is s-s-so good.”
“I know right. Want me to play one more song?”
“S-s-sure.”
So, I did play another song that recommended by Shion.
Beach House – Space Song.
Whoa the intro is really something. Hanako seemingly interested.

It was late at night
You held on tight
From an empty seat
A flash of light
It will take a while
Both I and Hanako captivated by the lyrics and tune.
To make you smile
Somewhere in these eyes
I'm on your side

I feel tear slipped on my corner of eye. And Hanako too. I think she is already capturing the song immediately and give in to the tune and lyrics already. She feels moved. Like she found a treasure and she want to keep it. I think she is happy. I can see from her smile while she cry a bit.
A smile that I want to protect…

What makes this fragile world go 'round?
Were you ever lost?
Was she ever found?
Somewhere in these eyes

Honestly, the lyrics are so good. Man, I really not expecting this.
When the song is over, Hanako put her head on my shoulder. She feels mellowed.
“What a beautiful s-song, Hisao. Thank You.”
I feel shy but I put my hand to her head.
“It’s nothing. Hanako.”
I can smell her hair and it smells lavender. I hope I can keep do this with you.
That make me feel awkward, because I just realized Akira watch us entirely.
“Lilly, I think we got a new couple here.”
Immediately, Hanako and I sat up straight as nothing happened.
Lilly lets out small laugh.
“I think you two get along already. I am truly grateful.”
We are in silent awkwardly, but I think I already make a good progress.
And here come our orders.

Akira decide to talk to me about the incident of Lilly and Shizune argument, while we dig in our food and drinks.
“So, I am surprised that you are able to scold Lilly and Shizune. As I concerned, Shizune is really hard to stood up against, especially with Misha.”
“Yeah, and I am still feeling guilty about that, you know.”
“Nah, the important thing is that you and Lilly already talk about this and she is okay with your apology. But I think there’s something you should know.”
Lilly nod in agreement.
“What is it?”
“Our parents actually related with Shizune’s Parents so that make us cousins. And if you want to know more, our parents are not getting along each other’s. You know, ego and pride stuffs.”
Ahh, that make sense. That’s why Lilly and Shizune arguing like Tiger and Dragon.
“That’s why Shizune, despite her disabilities, want to shine out Lilly. Especially her ambitions as school council, but still, Poor Shizune, her father never acknowledged any achievements she made at school.”
Damn, what a shame. A parent suppose to support their child, right?

“But I am glad that you are actually broke their argument like a judge though, hahaha.”
I am groaning and Lilly & Hanako chuckling.
“Probably, that would be a legendary story to be remembered by every generation of Yamaku.”
Maaan, this is so embarrassing but I am glad, we are cool now. Then, I remembered.
“Anyway, Lilly. Did your class representatives already give the student council what they want?”
“Yes, they did. In fact, they want to thank you because you are willing to speak for them, Hisao.”
I am sure this is gonna be a very weird popularity.
“Ah, it’s really nothing. I am glad we are meet up like this.”
Then we spend time at Shanghai until afternoon.

Akira drove us to Yamaku in her car, and give us a wave because she needs to back to her office due important meeting later.
“She is very busy, huh.”
“Indeed. I am afraid that she is ended up sleeping in her suit when she back from office.”
“That busy, huh.”
Lilly chuckling listen my response. Hanako giggling, too.
“Allright, let me take you ladies to the dorm.”
Then we are walk together to the girl’s dorm. And while we are chatting, I am distracted by something.
It’s a kind of mural. With variation of colors and drawings. It’s unique.
“Must be Rin’s. I remember she look inspiration for her mural. Tomorrow she need to show it during culture festival.”
Hanako, too. Is impressed with the mural.
“This is s-s-so cool.”
“I take it you two talk about Rin’s mural?”
“Yes, Lilly. You are right.”
Lilly sighed.
“I am worried about Rin. I heard her teacher, Nomiya, always reminds her about how to make a meaningful mural and I feel he limit Rin’s creative process.”
That’s new…..but speaking of Rin, I saw her staring at her mural.
“Rin, are you all right?”
Lilly and Hanako surprised that Rin is standing near mural all of time.
“Oh, Hi. I did not see you three there.”
Rin greet us with her very straight face.
“Hello, Rin. Hope you are doing okay.”
“H-h-hello, Rin.”
Then Rin spin around and singing,
Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup ~~~~
Then Rin stopped. Think about something.
“Wait, how you can see words flowing like rain into a paper cup?”
Then I responded,
“Just imagine like a drop of water, I guess.”
Rin immediately let a small laugh to me.
“Maybe you are right. Anyway, rare to see you with these girls.”
“We are just from Shanghai café.”
“Oh, that café. Emi keep make promise to me but she never took me there.”
“Maybe because she is busy with running?”
“Likely.”
And then Rin approach Lilly and put her head on Lilly’s chest. It’s awkward.
“Lilly, mind to hug me? Kinda need one.”
“Sure thing.”
Then Lilly hug Rin. I swear Rin is like a puppy, except I think her hair is wagging. And I think Lilly hug Rin like a motherly one.
After a moment, Rin let herself out from Lilly’s hug and back to the bunch of color container and paint stuffs.
“Going to finishing and then I am gonna sleep again to seek the universe’s secret. See you later, everyone.”
Then she back to her routine and continue where she left at. And three of us decide to back to the way to Girl’s dormitory.
After we made it to the entrance of girl’s dormitory, we still worried about Rin.
“I hope someone watch over Rin, and make sure she did not do anything weird.”
“I h-h-hope so..”
“After all, Rin is unique. That’s how Yamaku works, Hisao.”
Yeah, every student in Yamaku is unique on their own, including me.
“Anyway, see you two tomorrow. I hope we can enjoy the festival together. Good night.”
Hanako look hesitate when I am about to leave, and Lilly give her a reassuring touch on her shoulder.
“It’s okay, Hanako. Just say it.”
“O-o-okay.”
“Something wrong, Hanako?”
Hanako shake her head.
“I-i-I want to t-t-thank you f-for your company. I hope I can see the h-h-hamster of yours and watch the s-s-serial together.”
“It’s my pleasure, Hanako. Give me a call if you want it. See you later.”
“S-see you later.”
“See you later. Hisao.”

I am on the bed on my dorm room. I don’t think I feel tired at all. I really happy with today. I can open up myself and then spend time with Hanako, Lilly and Akira. That said, I want to log on again. So, I turn on my laptop and get into group chat app.

Off Topic

Hisao : Sup’ everyone. Sorry took long. I had spend time with friends today.
Ryuzaki : Hey ! it’s okay. I am just done with fix the last customer’s bike today.
Ryuzaki : How’s today ?
Hisao : Not bad, I actually….ummm. How to say this.
Shion : Hmm, about girl, Hisao ?
Shion : I am your man for that.
Ryuzaki : You mean, give a weird and useless advice ?
Shion : WHY YOU ARE SO MEAN 
Ryuzaki : I state the fact, Shion. Haha.
Hisao : You see, I think…..i start to take a liking for someone here.
Ryuzaki : Are you sure you are not drunk ?
Hisao : I am not, dude.
Shion : Or maybe he got hit on the head.
Hisao : I gonna ignore that.
Toshi : Hisao start to fall in love ? The world is gone mad, homie.
Toshi : Can’t believe that our silly Hisao is able to love a girl.
Hisao : Weeeelllllllll
Ryuzaki : If that’s case, then it’s good for you, Hisao.
Ryuzaki : I am sure you can find the way to capture her heart.
Shion : Do you play her some music ?
Hisao : I did ! Turns out she love the playlist you recommend to me.
Shion : WHOAAAAA.
Shion : LEMME GIVE YOU MORE LIST.
Mamoru : What a beautiful scene for a simple student like Hisao to fall in love with someone…..
Mamoru : Definitely gonna make haiku for you.
Hisao : Since when you can make one haha.
Ryuzaki : You make haiku like a cheap love poem, bruh.
Toshi : And also, not to mention you once read your haiku to your crush…
Mamoru : QUIET. DON’T REMIND ME THAT.
Hisao : What ?
Toshi : You see, Hicchan, Mamoru make a Haiku to his crush and she ended up got scared because the haiku is way too creepy.
Ryuzaki : Definitely creepy.
Shion : Even I want to burn the haiku.
Mamoru : You guys are so cruel :”
Mamoru : Anyway, whatever It is, I wish you luck Hisao.
Hisao : Thank you so much.
Ryuzaki : Anyway, Winter break is coming. Are you gonna back to hometown during the holiday?
Hisao : Yeah, I think I gonna going back home before the winter break start.
Ryuzaki : When you are home, visit my garage. Will show you the new garage.
Shion : Visit my record shop too, Hisaooo.
Toshi : Or my bakery.
Mamoru : Or do karaoke together !!
Ryuzaki : That’s good idea too.
Ryuzaki : Just let us know when you are home, okay ?
Ryuzaki : Gotta go. Pop want to get his bike.
Shion : Me too, I want to continue my progression on Tears of Kingdom.
Toshi : Back to prepare some breads.
Mamoru : Gonna watch film. See you guys.
Ryuzaki : See you.
Hisao : See you.
Shion : Bye byeee
Toshi : Byeee.

Then, I feed my hamster. Read the books I borrowed from Library, and then drink my new med. Then, back to my bed. I think I want to have fun tomorrow at Yamaku Culture Festival. Time to sleep then. And then, I reminded again about Hanako.
I think…. i am truly fall for her.

[Feurox]

Hey! Welcome to the forums! It's always great to see new faces, even so many years on from the game's release and the 'heyday' of the forum.

A long time ago, Oddball commented on a fic that was being ignored by forum readers because, in his words, 'everyone deserves some feedback.' I agree with him, and I agree with the principle that everyone should have some feedback, so I thought I would come and give this a go just so you felt that you at least had a little direction.

I want to preface everything I'm about to say by telling you I have tremendous respect that you're writing in a second language. I can only speak English, and I cannot imagine being able to speak and even write in two languages. It is a fantastic thing.

But unfortunately, your work is pretty much unreadable for several reasons.

As Piroska mentioned early on, your writing is catastrophically riddled with grammar, spelling, tense and punctuation issues. At many times, your work reads as though you have put this through a translating software not once, but thrice. It is completely illegible at places, and the times in which some semblance of story seems to poke through, are so disjointed and grammatically bizarre that it is simply impossible to take seriously. Even your username, 'LiteracyIsNoLimited' has a grammatical error within it, which in the context of the name, is quite ironic and humorous. I sadly do not think you have done this intentionally.

But the problem isn't limited to the near unreadable state of your writing. It's present from the very premise of this idea. You title this 'Katawa Shoujo - Remake', and frankly, given the quality on offer, its insulting. Take, for example, this moment early on in your story:

“Hisao, do you notice her burn scar?”
“Umm, yes. I tried not to take much attention on that. Why?”
“That’s the reason why she is close herself to everyone. She is the survivor of the fire incident when she is young. And also, her parents are no longer around because they are passed away from the accident. When I talk to her for the first time, she is kind of hesitate but I know that after the incident, she got bullied because her scars during her elementary and middle school. And then, she transferred to here and she feels Yamaku give her opportunity to let her be on her own space and time, to deal with her anxiety and stress, also scar of the past.”
Ah, I see…. That’s why she is kind of uncomfortable when I talk to her… And also, why teachers don’t mind to allow her leave our class early.
“And I want to appreciate that you want to talk with her, Hisao. She tells me that you always greet and make conversation with her. She feels it’s the first time for her to know someone actually makes an effort to do that to her. And also, she thinks you don’t mind her scars”
Actually, sometimes I feel I see her scars too often, but I tried to be respectful to her.
But hear that…makes me overjoyed. Never knew Hanako feels that way.

You say at the start you wish to 'remake' the story because you are allowed to play with the personality of Hisao in an interesting way. That itself is a perhaps interesting premise, and I would be naïve to think otherwise, but what actually is interesting about this? You've changed Hisao into some peculiar beard stroking armchair psychologist, with Lilly telling everything to him immediately, and thereby also implying that Hanako has overcome what is the whole point of her route in opening up to Hisao by claiming she somehow supernaturally knows Hisao does not mind her scars. The mind boggles at this, because what is the point? How can there be any development or growth from here? The whole story of Hanako and Hisao in the VN is Hanako overcoming that exact anxiety, and Hisao accidentally making things worse in a pursuit of getting close to her. This circumvents all of that growth... You do this a lot, with almost all of your characters, and it legitimately puzzles me. If you just wanted to produce a semi-coherent stream of consciousness mess, why title this a 'Remake?'...

And then the story goes absolutely mental. You introduce characters without characterisation, you start using text chains, Hisao becomes almost psychotically obsessed with Hanako, she saves his life... And to top it off, you DO characterise Hisao differently, you make him an aggressive creep:

“Hicchan, Shicchan says….”
“NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME, NOW”. And somehow, I take my hand to my chest. I can feel my heart beating weird. But I had to do this.
I stare to Misha and Shizune, which clearly they are still taken setback after my erupted anger.

“But, Hicchan…..”
“NOT OTHER WORDS, I AM NOT FINISHED.”

My heartbeat is becoming odd and I want to leave this place.
“Then, solve this peacefully. I am out!”
Then I rushed out from the class. To the roof.
And I am screaming aloud.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
I feel bad for Lilly, Shizune and Misha now.
I don’t mean to yell but look at them! Bickering endlessly like politicians.
I think this is the results of my anxiety. I lash out to them because I feel not uncomfortable with their endless bickering.
So, I sitting on the floor and rethink again about my life. Until I heard someone’s voice from behind.

I want to try to be constructive, as I know I can sound a bit harsh and I by no means think you aren't trying. It is clear that you are, and I commend you for that. But you have done several things that require stern, quick, warning so you don't fall into a pattern of mistakes. First, you desperately, seriously need to get some kind of proofreading method and support. As I said at the beginning, it is commendable that you are writing in English, but the quality of this as a work is not good enough. It reads as though you are google translating, it does not sound organic, and it is so extremely difficult to follow as a result. I recommend you find someone to proofread this that IS a native English speaker, or, if that is a problem, perhaps write this in your native language and post it somewhere that hosts KS fanfiction in that language. Perhaps AO3? I'm not sure if there is a rule about posts being in English on the forums or not, but the accepted practise here is that posts are in English, and honestly this barely qualifies... Which leads me to this:

Dreams fly by
In the starless sky
Dreams fly by
時々闇夜に漂う僕
手さぐりで流れる僕ら
ザブザブ流れる川岸
シクシク水は泪色
ユラユラ君は迷ってる
クルクル僕はまわってる

Pretty much regardless of who is writing it, using foreign languages in a story is a really dangerous game. I know for a fact that most people will not be able to understand it, and nearly nobody will look it up. So all this does, especially without proper explanation, is alienate an already alienated readership.

And here is the point that made me decide to comment on your story at all:

P.S : Gonna edit older posts when i have time.

Believe me, tomorrow never comes when it comes to editing. Do not make this mistake. You have already written a significant amount, and it is not good. You need to edit it BEFORE you post it. As it stands, you are posting an awful amount of stuff that is nearly illegible, so you are alienating anyone who would read it. Those readers will not return to see you have edited it, so EDIT first. I cannot stress how lethal a writing flaw this is, and I really truly urge you to stop for a bit, and get a proofreading arrangement sorted before you do ANYTHING else. You clearly need to talk with an editor, (NOT AN EDITING SOFTWARE) and come up with a plan, both for your writing style and language, and for your story itself.

As it stands, this is impossible to read, which I think explains your void of commenters. You clearly want to tell a story, but if it isn't legible to anyone, why post it at all?

Good luck, and I hope you take that to heart and it helps.
Feurox.

[LiteracyIsNoLimited]

Hey! Welcome to the forums! It's always great to see new faces, even so many years on from the game's release and the 'heyday' of the forum.

A long time ago, Oddball commented on a fic that was being ignored by forum readers because, in his words, 'everyone deserves some feedback.' I agree with him, and I agree with the principle that everyone should have some feedback, so I thought I would come and give this a go just so you felt that you at least had a little direction.

I want to preface everything I'm about to say by telling you I have tremendous respect that you're writing in a second language. I can only speak English, and I cannot imagine being able to speak and even write in two languages. It is a fantastic thing.

But unfortunately, your work is pretty much unreadable for several reasons.

As Piroska mentioned early on, your writing is catastrophically riddled with grammar, spelling, tense and punctuation issues. At many times, your work reads as though you have put this through a translating software not once, but thrice. It is completely illegible at places, and the times in which some semblance of story seems to poke through, are so disjointed and grammatically bizarre that it is simply impossible to take seriously. Even your username, 'LiteracyIsNoLimited' has a grammatical error within it, which in the context of the name, is quite ironic and humorous. I sadly do not think you have done this intentionally.

But the problem isn't limited to the near unreadable state of your writing. It's present from the very premise of this idea. You title this 'Katawa Shoujo - Remake', and frankly, given the quality on offer, its insulting. Take, for example, this moment early on in your story:

“Hisao, do you notice her burn scar?”
“Umm, yes. I tried not to take much attention on that. Why?”
“That’s the reason why she is close herself to everyone. She is the survivor of the fire incident when she is young. And also, her parents are no longer around because they are passed away from the accident. When I talk to her for the first time, she is kind of hesitate but I know that after the incident, she got bullied because her scars during her elementary and middle school. And then, she transferred to here and she feels Yamaku give her opportunity to let her be on her own space and time, to deal with her anxiety and stress, also scar of the past.”
Ah, I see…. That’s why she is kind of uncomfortable when I talk to her… And also, why teachers don’t mind to allow her leave our class early.
“And I want to appreciate that you want to talk with her, Hisao. She tells me that you always greet and make conversation with her. She feels it’s the first time for her to know someone actually makes an effort to do that to her. And also, she thinks you don’t mind her scars”
Actually, sometimes I feel I see her scars too often, but I tried to be respectful to her.
But hear that…makes me overjoyed. Never knew Hanako feels that way.

You say at the start you wish to 'remake' the story because you are allowed to play with the personality of Hisao in an interesting way. That itself is a perhaps interesting premise, and I would be naïve to think otherwise, but what actually is interesting about this? You've changed Hisao into some peculiar beard stroking armchair psychologist, with Lilly telling everything to him immediately, and thereby also implying that Hanako has overcome what is the whole point of her route in opening up to Hisao by claiming she somehow supernaturally knows Hisao does not mind her scars. The mind boggles at this, because what is the point? How can there be any development or growth from here? The whole story of Hanako and Hisao in the VN is Hanako overcoming that exact anxiety, and Hisao accidentally making things worse in a pursuit of getting close to her. This circumvents all of that growth... You do this a lot, with almost all of your characters, and it legitimately puzzles me. If you just wanted to produce a semi-coherent stream of consciousness mess, why title this a 'Remake?'...

And then the story goes absolutely mental. You introduce characters without characterisation, you start using text chains, Hisao becomes almost psychotically obsessed with Hanako, she saves his life... And to top it off, you DO characterise Hisao differently, you make him an aggressive creep:

“Hicchan, Shicchan says….”
“NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME, NOW”. And somehow, I take my hand to my chest. I can feel my heart beating weird. But I had to do this.
I stare to Misha and Shizune, which clearly they are still taken setback after my erupted anger.

“But, Hicchan…..”
“NOT OTHER WORDS, I AM NOT FINISHED.”

My heartbeat is becoming odd and I want to leave this place.
“Then, solve this peacefully. I am out!”
Then I rushed out from the class. To the roof.
And I am screaming aloud.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
I feel bad for Lilly, Shizune and Misha now.
I don’t mean to yell but look at them! Bickering endlessly like politicians.
I think this is the results of my anxiety. I lash out to them because I feel not uncomfortable with their endless bickering.
So, I sitting on the floor and rethink again about my life. Until I heard someone’s voice from behind.

I want to try to be constructive, as I know I can sound a bit harsh and I by no means think you aren't trying. It is clear that you are, and I commend you for that. But you have done several things that require stern, quick, warning so you don't fall into a pattern of mistakes. First, you desperately, seriously need to get some kind of proofreading method and support. As I said at the beginning, it is commendable that you are writing in English, but the quality of this as a work is not good enough. It reads as though you are google translating, it does not sound organic, and it is so extremely difficult to follow as a result. I recommend you find someone to proofread this that IS a native English speaker, or, if that is a problem, perhaps write this in your native language and post it somewhere that hosts KS fanfiction in that language. Perhaps AO3? I'm not sure if there is a rule about posts being in English on the forums or not, but the accepted practise here is that posts are in English, and honestly this barely qualifies... Which leads me to this:

Dreams fly by
In the starless sky
Dreams fly by
時々闇夜に漂う僕
手さぐりで流れる僕ら
ザブザブ流れる川岸
シクシク水は泪色
ユラユラ君は迷ってる
クルクル僕はまわってる

Pretty much regardless of who is writing it, using foreign languages in a story is a really dangerous game. I know for a fact that most people will not be able to understand it, and nearly nobody will look it up. So all this does, especially without proper explanation, is alienate an already alienated readership.

And here is the point that made me decide to comment on your story at all:

P.S : Gonna edit older posts when i have time.

Believe me, tomorrow never comes when it comes to editing. Do not make this mistake. You have already written a significant amount, and it is not good. You need to edit it BEFORE you post it. As it stands, you are posting an awful amount of stuff that is nearly illegible, so you are alienating anyone who would read it. Those readers will not return to see you have edited it, so EDIT first. I cannot stress how lethal a writing flaw this is, and I really truly urge you to stop for a bit, and get a proofreading arrangement sorted before you do ANYTHING else. You clearly need to talk with an editor, (NOT AN EDITING SOFTWARE) and come up with a plan, both for your writing style and language, and for your story itself.

As it stands, this is impossible to read, which I think explains your void of commenters. You clearly want to tell a story, but if it isn't legible to anyone, why post it at all?

Good luck, and I hope you take that to heart and it helps.
Feurox.

Thank you for the input !! The truth is, i still trying to writing because it's been a while for me. I am apologize if my writing style is kind of weird but i really appreciate your input. I think i will rewrite the current chapter progress and in doing so, will postpone to post anything on this thread (revise and rewrite will take longer time because i have other priorities right now).