It's been a month and a half but we're back. I really enjoyed writing this chapter and fleshing out a bit of Fujisawa's character. Sadly, the academic year starts next week so I'm not sure when I'll be able to work on the next chapter, since it's already proving difficult to map out for reasons that should become quite obvious by the end of this chapter, but I'll try my best. And with that, enjoy 
<<Chapter 7
CHAPTER 8
“Coming! Give me a second!”
The door is as plain as the neighborhood, which is also as plain as the apartments in the building are small. It’s hard to imagine the size from the outside, but given how close the doors are, Rin wonders if someone with arms could stand with them wide open in any of them. That flight of stairs she just used also worries her, since there doesn’t seem to be any alternative method of reaching the upper floors. The sound of the plain door opening stops her thoughts.
“Tezuka? Is everything okay? Isn’t Ibarazaki with you?” It’s an unexpected sight to catch Fujisawa without their cane, but given how cramped the interior seems to be it’s not like they’re lacking for places to lean on.
“Something happened. I want to talk.”
“Erm… sure, wanna come in? It’s not exactly tidy but something tells me you won’t really care.”
Rin steps inside, trying carefully not to come into contact with Fujisawa, which proves quite difficult. The inside of the apartment is plain and simple: a single space with a futon on one side, a desktop and chair beside it and a table with a microwave and a portable ceramic stove on top. The walls are covered in polaroid pictures that depict Fujisawa with countless other faces, as well as paintings with a childlike approach to coloring and composition. Rin can’t help stare at it all, trying to find a motif or direction, to no avail. In all the photos, at least, the subjects are smiling wide.
“Would love to offer you some place to sit, but I only have that chair and… well, the futon. Which is out because I was asleep, in case you were wondering.”
“I can sit on the floor. I often sit on the floor while I’m painting, I have comfortable buttocks. You can call me Rin. We need to be friends now,” she establishes, while leaving her bag on the floor and sitting with her back to the wall.
“Sure, you can call me Sayo as well. So, what happened? Did you have a fight with Ibarazaki? Should I make some tea?”
“We kissed,” by reminding herself of that fact she feels butterflies inside her stomach. She just hopes they don’t eat the rice crackers Emi brought her.
“Oh…,” they sit on the chair, their face an indecipherable expression. “Okay, I’m not going to say I did not see this coming, but you telling me is kinda shocking. So, how are you two feeling?”
“I don’t know how she’s feeling. I don’t know how I’m feeling. I wanted to do it so I told her but then she accepted and we kissed and she said it was nicer than she expected and I wanted to keep going but she stopped and now when I think about it the butterflies bat their wings so hard that I want to start laughing but I don’t want to laugh-”
“Woah there, Tez-erm, Rin. It’s okay. Feelings are confusing, I get it. Stop and breathe for me.”
Rin nods and starts breathing consciously. The butterflies are not gone, but they’re calmer.
“Am I in love?”
“That’s not for me to say, but up for you to decide.”
“Love happens to you. You don’t decide,” Rin doesn’t know what love feels like, but she knows it’s like a spell. It is inflicted upon you by powers outside human cognition, and you have to either suffer or enjoy its consequences.
“Attraction does. Not love, or at the very least I don’t think so. And it’s perfectly reasonable to confuse the two,” they stand up from the chair and take some tea leaves off a container on the microwave table. “Ibarazaki is a very attractive person, in both personality and appearance, and you have history together, no wonder you’re confused. Love is a choice you make, and it’s not an exclusively individual one. I’m glad you came to me, but you have to talk to her if you… want to love her.”
“And how do I know if I want to?”
“How do you know what you want to paint when you do?”
“I don’t. Only sometimes. I start painting and then the canvas asks what it wants to have on it.”
“Well, there you go, start painting,” they finish pouring the tea and put a straw in one of the glasses. “I don’t trust myself with carrying the tea over there, do you mind if I leave it on the floor down here?”
Rin nods and stands up. “So I need to go back to my workshop?”
“Sorry, I meant that you should start talking and stop trying to figure out what you want in an abstract sense. Don’t feel constrained by what love is supposed to mean and start feeling what it means for you specifically,” they sip on the green beverage, slowly and carefully. “Your relationship is already well outside the norm, don’t try to follow what is expected of you because I can assure you there’s nothing there.”
“I will talk to Emi. And I will start asking what I want to have on me,” Rin concludes, already sitting and sipping on her tea.
“Probably Ibarazaki, but who’s to say,” Sayo laughs, unprompted. “Anyway, hope this conversation helped somewhat, Rin. I can get pretty intense about these things.”
“You helped. Who are the people in the pictures? Are the paintings yours?”
“Those would be family and loved ones, basically. And the paintings are either from my little cousins’ or my friends' siblings’. I have a soft spot for childrens drawings, I’m sure you understand.”
“They don’t need the canvas to tell them. They know what to paint,” Rin pauses, wondering about the obvious absence. “Where’s the camera?”
“Back home. It’s been a while since I’ve taken any pictures.”
“You should bring it here. We’re friends now, so we can have a picture. I don’t know if I’ll smile that wide. Emi will.”
“Maybe someday, who knows,” they answer, with a somewhat lower tone of voice.
Rin stares at the whole wall, moving her eyes from picture to picture. She’s finally able to catch another pattern. “That person, with the long, black hair. She’s in a lot of places.”
“That’s my partner, Mayuri. We’ve been together for almost five years now. I don’t get intense with these things for nothing, we used to travel everywhere because of her job, and she’s the love of my life. You have a keen eye, Rin.”
“Where is she? Outside the pictures,” she clarifies.
“Spain, at least for a little while. In other circumstances I would’ve been there with her but, well, traveling in my condition is kind of impossible, at least right now. She’ll be visiting in a couple months.”
“Can you love her if she’s so far away?” Rin thinks about the comments Emi made a while back, of the possibility of them not seeing each other for years.
“Hey, I’m not going to say it’s always easy, but I do. We talk everyday, and we miss each other a lot, painfully sometimes. But, again, the norm is nothing more than a tool: if it helps you, good for you; if not, just don’t use it.”
“Can I talk to Emi about this?”
“Sure, it’s not a secret or anything, I’m just not used to talking about my personal life, but if it helps, go for it!” Sayo pauses for a little while, as if waiting for something to happen. “And… maybe we can hang out when she comes to visit, if you want. She knows about you two.”
“Okay,” Rin sits down and starts sipping on her tea again. It’s quite plain tasting, but it nonetheless contributes to finally stopping the butterflies from batting their wings. “Is the neuromyelitis recent, then?”
“I… don’t really want to talk about that, Rin. I know there’s no ill will from you, but it’s a difficult topic for me. Sorry.”
“It’s okay. My arms were deformed at birth, and they had to do surgery to remove them. So it was a long time ago,” since they’re not comfortable talking about it, it would probably be easier if she shared her situation.
“I… see. I guessed as much from the way you talked about it. You don’t have to explain anything, though, really.”
“I want you and Emi to be comfortable. My arms aren’t uncomfortable, but people are sometimes.”
“That’s nice of you, Rin. I’m working on it and I’m sure Ibarazaki is, too, to some extent. You said it best, it’s quite different when you haven’t lived your whole life like this.”
“Okay,” Rin wonders if what she said was appropriate. “I don’t want to be the uncomfortable people. Sorry.”
“You’re fine, don’t worry too much. Ibarazaki is right, you may seem aloof and distant, but you’re actually surprisingly nice and considerate, in your own way. I’m glad I’m getting to know you better… even if it’s to help with relationship troubles. Not like I don’t enjoy gossip,” the glass of tea over their mouth doesn’t manage to hide their smile.
Rin finishes the last of her tea and stands up again. “I’m going back to my room. Emi’s there. She’s having prosthetic troubles.”
“Crap, is there anything I can do to help?”
Rin wasn’t aware that Sayo had that kind of knowledge. “Do you have the tools to fix an ankle suspension?” she asks, since the room seems a bit barren for that kind of equipment.
“I wasn’t even aware ankles had suspension so I’m going to guess that no, I don’t.”
“Okay. Bye,” Rin says, approaching the door.
“Oh, see you, then! Please close the door if you can!” Sayo's voice is already little more than a muffled sound.
The Sun is already down by the time she reaches the dorms. Sayo’s helped give words to her thoughts, but she can’t stop thinking about all that’s happened so far. What if she decides she wants to love Emi but Emi doesn’t decide to love her back? What if she does, but it’s hard like it happened to Sayo and Mayuri? Sayo told her to talk, but she’s not good with words. Emi understands her, but not always. What if the talking doesn’t go well? What if what Sayo told her doesn’t reach Emi? What if she says something she doesn’t mean to? What if Emi gets mad? What if they stop seeing each other but Emi doesn’t think about her? What if their relationship changes? What if Emi changes? What if-
“Rin?” Emi’s standing right in front of her, the door to their room open. “How long have you been there? I was just going to the bathroom, but you seem frozen in place. Is everything okay?”
The thoughts vanish, like shadows hit point blank by a blinding light. “We have to talk,” states Rin.
