Hanako's Broken Heart Club

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Gandara
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Gandara »

gragon wrote:...how can i not have a bond with someone i have been with my entire live?
I don't know your entire situation, but I can say that it's not terribly uncommon for children to not have a good bond with their parents. Most often a child will latch onto one or the other parent, being closer to their mother than their father for instance, but there are certainly many cases where a child just doesn't connect with their parents.

It can be due to a lot of factors. Upbringing, the mentality of the parents, how they treat their children, the child's own capacities, etc. A lot of times, the more independent a child is, the less of a connection they will have to their parents. They don't need to rely on their parents as much for support, so they naturally drift apart from them.

Neither my brother nor I are very close to our parents. We see them about twice a year, being separated by half the country. I was closer to my mother and my brother to my father as children, but now that we're both adults we don't really feel a strong connection anymore. My brother downright hates my mother, and I don't much care for my father, so perhaps it has a part to play in our relationships with them.

You could say that it's almost a natural thing. How many animal children, after growing up, stay with their parents? Typically they bugger the hell out of there as soon as possible and never see their parents again. Sure, limited mental capacity and all, but still - your parents created you, if they're worth half a damn they raised you properly and put a roof over your head, and in the end you will separate from the roost and make a life for yourself.
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Xanatos
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Xanatos »

ShinigamiKenji wrote:And I think I've come to a major source of my problems: I'm going to delete all my games (except KS). Seriously, I think I'm running from my problems with gaming. Let's see if I end up better or as "The Last Sane Man in the World"...
Escapism isn't your problem, it's a way to avoid your problems. Giving up something you enjoy isn't a good solution though. Just don't use it to run.
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Xanatos
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Xanatos »

Beoran wrote:Also one thing I dislike is calling ladies who like to have sex "whores".
Enjoying sex doesn't make a whore. Actively seeking it out with absolutely no standards, precautions, or care at all does. People like to fuck, good for them. People fuck any random likely-diseased wretch that crosses their path with no care for consequences or risks, they're disgusting.
<KeiichiO>: "I wonder what Misha's WAHAHA's sound like with a cock stuffed down her throat..."
<Ascension>: "I laughed, cried, vomited in my mouth a little, and even had time for marshmallows afterwards. Well played, Xanatos. Well played."
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Tomate
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Tomate »

Xanatos wrote:
Beoran wrote:Also one thing I dislike is calling ladies who like to have sex "whores".
Enjoying sex doesn't make a whore. Actively seeking it out with absolutely no standards, precautions, or care at all does. People like to fuck, good for them. People fuck any random likely-diseased wretch that crosses their path with no care for consequences or risks, they're disgusting.
Actually, getting paid for sex is what defines a whore.
And man, why hate those people who fuck any disease ridden wretch? They tend to die, and when they die our gene pool improves.
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Camoufrage
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Camoufrage »

Walrusfella wrote:
Camoufrage wrote:Also my dads wife already knew, and plans on leaving him once the baby is born. That was easy, I dont even have to get involved. Life is better, so Ive finally begun editing a YT video Ive been planning for months. Heres to hoping its any good
That's something a relief. Reading about you dealing with that situation properly has been good for me, in a way. You did what I couldn't.
Yeah, I guess I made the right choice keeping it quiet till I could figure out what's going on. Whatever you may have done wrong is something you may have done wrong is forgivable. I'm not perfect, there are plenty of things I could have done better
Nyzer
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Nyzer »

@ Camo

Lucky you, huh? That worked out pretty perfectly. And you've probably gained some moral standing in your family's eyes for having the guts to stand up and do what was right.


For the talk of sex in a relationship - I'm of the opinion that it's a big deal, too. What was that trifecta, "love, friendship, and sex"?

You should be able to be friends with your significant other, obviously. As in, you share some strong common interests, you're able to do non-romantic stuff together, and so on. You should, of course, LOVE your significant other, as well. Someone you want to protect, support, watch succeed, spend the rest of your life with. And "sex" is probably a little too specific of a definition, but your significant other should be someone you want to be physical with, as well - or, at least, they should be someone who wants the same physical relationship that you do. Hmm, I suppose "sexually compatible" would work here; I'd use that term even for an asexual couple. :P
Sex isn't just a mental desire. It's something that most living creatures have a biological calling to do, if only because of how the ease of getting pleasure from sexual acts (unless your partner is really bad :P) feeds back to your brain. Your brain will actually adapt to some degree based on the events you experience.
What if they're unable to have sex?
I'd imagine most individuals that are unable to go all the way for whatever reason can still perform sexual acts of some kind. Human beings are quite imaginative. Sure, there are those that cannot - someone who suffers near-total paralyzation, for example. How that relationship works out would differ on the people in question, but I'm certain that it's not the ideal situation for any of them.
Sexual compatibility in that scenario, though, may even end up being something to the extent of "honey, I know I can't even so much as try to pleasure you, so if you ever feel the need, find a friend you trust and respect enough. I don't mind." If both partners are fine (if not perfectly happy) with the idea of the relationship being sexually open, I would, again, say that's sexually compatible.


On the point of classifying women as "whores"... well, the exact term refers to women who sell their bodies, but I would only use it in a derogatory way for someone who cheats on her significant other. It's a big emotional betrayal. Unfortunately, I don't know of a similar term for men in that scenario, but apparently I can make do with more general terms like "immoral asshole".
If a single woman sleeps with a bunch of different men, but is safe about it? Hell, more power to her. I don't think it's fair to judge a woman for doing the gender-flipped version of a stereotypically male fantasy. If she were a friend or something, I might be offended if she weren't sexually interested in me as well, but that's still not an excuse.
And if she's unsafe about it, I still wouldn't call her a whore, but she'd be an idiot.
i mean how can i not have a great bond with someone i have been with my entire live? (like my mother or father) or does it get worse and better over time?
In my personal life, I tend to be either a loner, or I gravitate towards geekier habits. Reading, video gaming, that sort of thing. This is, to some degree, a learned habit rather than a natural one; several years of my earlier life were spent moving to a new place every year (on average), or every three years (at most) until I was... um... eleven? Twelve? Basically, I didn't have a long-running circle of close friends or anything, y'know? So if I wanted something fun to do, I had to pick something single-player. Reading and video gaming were those things (don't think I had cable consistently as a kid). However, when I'm around people that I'm comfortable being around in my personal life, I tend to branch out if they do. I'll join them at other things and end up liking them for the fact that I was doing them with friends, if nothing else. Biking, random walks to the local 7-11, doing random crap in the gym at the local Boys and Girls Club (oh, man, the one I had at my home city was fucking AWESOME; I remember trying to go to one in Phoenix when visiting my dad one summer, and my sister and I were quite vocal about NEVER GOING BACK TO IT, but the one at home? loved it), going swimming, playing card games, filming/editing little movies or AMVs or whatever... there were lots of things that I never would have been doing if it weren't for my friends. And, since the move to a city I've still, five years later, never really quite settled into, I've stopped doing most of those things.
(Wow, this is a lot of rambling and starting to get off-track.)
Anyway. Because I tend not to do a lot of group activities or whatever, and my own interests are pretty narrow, I'm not particularly close to anyone in my family. My mother, father, sister. (I probably would be closer to my sister, as she's fairly geeky in her own right and also has an intelligence to rival mine... BUT her personality is abrasive. Massively. She's got a very spoiled mindset, and while she's gotten better as she's become an adult... Well, we have a better relationship when it's long distance and neither of us can piss the other off in person. I know I tend to set her off somehow as well, but no one is good at identifying their own flaws, so.)
I was somewhat close to an aunt of mine, but I'm related to her (now ex) husband by blood and not her, so when things turned sour after their divorce, my side of the family distanced themselves from her. For myself, the divorce happened after the plunge into depression, so I was avoiding visiting them and their children that basically idolize me even before the divorce.

So... being distant with members of your family is not that uncommon. If no one is around your age (and in my family, no one really was: I was the oldest cousin by four years, minimum, on BOTH sides, with one exception that I've only met in person about five times by the age of 23 now) and no one shares strong common interests. Bonus points if your family is, like mine, carrying an area poisoned with ridiculous drama. So you also don't SEE members of your extended family as often as you would otherwise. Further points if none of them live close to you... like mine.
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Pseudogenesis
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Pseudogenesis »

Camoufrage wrote:Also my dads wife already knew, and plans on leaving him once the baby is born. That was easy, I dont even have to get involved. Life is better, so Ive finally begun editing a YT video Ive been planning for months. Heres to hoping its any good

I was actually quite relieved (Vicariously) to have heard this too. Good for you! It's nice to see somebody get out of a tough spot with their minds intact for once.
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Camoufrage
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Camoufrage »

Pseudogenesis wrote:
Camoufrage wrote:Also my dads wife already knew, and plans on leaving him once the baby is born. That was easy, I dont even have to get involved. Life is better, so Ive finally begun editing a YT video Ive been planning for months. Heres to hoping its any good

I was actually quite relieved (Vicariously) to have heard this too. Good for you! It's nice to see somebody get out of a tough spot with their minds intact for once.
I know right? Feels really good to have that out of the way for at least a little while.

@Nyzer
Good points, still don't think its required :lol:
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Unforgiven
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Unforgiven »

I'm not really sure why i'm doing this, but i'm gonna tell you a funny/random story.

It was a hot summer day in Finland, when this boy comes home from work. He is really exited about the weekend. He rushes to his room and is clumsy enough to drop a bottle of coke on his warhammers. He started swearing and yelling, but after a while he calmed down. And now he is writing story about it to the katawa shoujo forums for no reason. And floor of his room is still covered in tiny pieces of plastic....

I'm the boy from that story.

So yeah... I felt like sharing this information for no reason. I'm so clumsy >.<.
ShinigamiKenji
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by ShinigamiKenji »

Sometimes it's good to have those little stories to lighten the mood. Just don't turn this into a 10-page discussion about Coke bottles. :P
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Xanatos wrote:Shinigami...Kenji. Oh, you poor guy. You have my sympathies. :lol: But at least with you around, our supple Japanese women won't be raped by lesbians. :mrgreen: ...Actually, that'd be pretty hot

:lol:
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Walrusfella
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Walrusfella »

Unforgiven wrote:I'm not really sure why i'm doing this, but i'm gonna tell you a funny/random story.

It was a hot summer day in Finland, when this boy comes home from work. He is really exited about the weekend. He rushes to his room and is clumsy enough to drop a bottle of coke on his warhammers. He started swearing and yelling, but after a while he calmed down. And now he is writing story about it to the katawa shoujo forums for no reason. And floor of his room is still covered in tiny pieces of plastic....

I'm the boy from that story.

So yeah... I felt like sharing this information for no reason. I'm so clumsy >.<.
Lol I've been there, although it's usually cat related in my case. Take a deep breath and pick up all the little bits. What you need now is glue, paint, and patience.

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Erenussocrates
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Erenussocrates »

Gandara wrote: I don't know your entire situation, but I can say that it's not terribly uncommon for children to not have a good bond with their parents. Most often a child will latch onto one or the other parent, being closer to their mother than their father for instance, but there are certainly many cases where a child just doesn't connect with their parents.

It can be due to a lot of factors. Upbringing, the mentality of the parents, how they treat their children, the child's own capacities, etc. A lot of times, the more independent a child is, the less of a connection they will have to their parents. They don't need to rely on their parents as much for support, so they naturally drift apart from them.

Neither my brother nor I are very close to our parents. We see them about twice a year, being separated by half the country. I was closer to my mother and my brother to my father as children, but now that we're both adults we don't really feel a strong connection anymore. My brother downright hates my mother, and I don't much care for my father, so perhaps it has a part to play in our relationships with them.

You could say that it's almost a natural thing. How many animal children, after growing up, stay with their parents? Typically they bugger the hell out of there as soon as possible and never see their parents again. Sure, limited mental capacity and all, but still - your parents created you, if they're worth half a damn they raised you properly and put a roof over your head, and in the end you will separate from the roost and make a life for yourself.
You've described my situation perfectly, Mr. Gandara..
Nyzer
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Nyzer »

Good points, still don't think its required :lol:
I'd say sexual compatibility is required. But yeah, as I was writing that post, I realized that sexual compatibility and desire varies wildly between people. If you're in a polyamorous relationship, everyone involved should be comfortable with that. If you're in a monogamous relationship, everyone involved should be comfortable with that. If you don't want to go all the way, if you don't have any sexual desire at all, if you can't have sex of any kind... yadda yadda. And there are many workarounds to a lot of potential problems, too.

In a general sense, though, most people will want sexual fulfillment out of their relationships eventually, so I wouldn't advise betting that the other person won't require it. It's one of the most intimate and pleasurable acts out there, and there's a lot of pride in male culture for having it (and shame for not).

Frankly, I'd worry about a relationship that's not sexually active, unless it's still new. But that might be because I expect that it's more common for that to mean that there's a problem in the relationship than that both partners are comfortable where they are.
All you really need to know is that there's a gun that shoots shurikens and lightning. I wish I could make something like that up; it shoots shurikens and lightning.
Camoufrage
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Camoufrage »

ShinigamiKenji wrote:Sometimes it's good to have those little stories to lighten the mood. Just don't turn this into a 10-page discussion about Coke bottles. :P
Aye dose Coke battls, dey gawt some good textua
Beoran
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Beoran »

Nyzer wrote: I'd say sexual compatibility is required. But yeah, as I was writing that post, I realized that sexual compatibility and desire varies wildly between people.
Fully agreed there. Those two sentences are far more succint way of saying what I needed a whole rant for. Sexual compatibility. Whatever that may be for both the partners. And also, it's a process, not a state. Everything in life is.

Gragon, bonds don' t just happen by just living together. To love is a verb, which means it's something that requires action. If people live together but don't actively work on building their love, friendship (and in the case of lovers, sexual compatibility), then they will pass each other by like ships in the night. Or ships in the harbor. Or ships in the harbor in the night. :)

unforgiven, you just wait until you get kids... little miss just loves to throw everything on the floor. :)
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