@ Camo
Lucky you, huh? That worked out pretty perfectly. And you've probably gained some moral standing in your family's eyes for having the guts to stand up and do what was right.
For the talk of sex in a relationship - I'm of the opinion that it's a big deal, too. What was that trifecta, "love, friendship, and sex"?
You should be able to be friends with your significant other, obviously. As in, you share some strong common interests, you're able to do non-romantic stuff together, and so on. You should, of course, LOVE your significant other, as well. Someone you want to protect, support, watch succeed, spend the rest of your life with. And "sex" is probably a little too specific of a definition, but your significant other should be someone you want to be physical with, as well - or, at least, they should be someone who wants the same physical relationship that you do. Hmm, I suppose "sexually compatible" would work here; I'd use that term even for an asexual couple.
Sex isn't just a mental desire. It's something that most living creatures have a biological calling to do, if only because of how the ease of getting pleasure from sexual acts (unless your partner is really bad
) feeds back to your brain. Your brain will actually adapt to some degree based on the events you experience.
What if they're unable to have sex?
I'd imagine most individuals that are unable to go all the way for whatever reason can still perform sexual acts of some kind. Human beings are quite imaginative. Sure, there are those that cannot - someone who suffers near-total paralyzation, for example. How that relationship works out would differ on the people in question, but I'm certain that it's not the ideal situation for any of them.
Sexual compatibility in that scenario, though, may even end up being something to the extent of "honey, I know I can't even so much as try to pleasure you, so if you ever feel the need, find a friend you trust and respect enough. I don't mind." If both partners are fine (if not perfectly happy) with the idea of the relationship being sexually open, I would, again, say that's sexually compatible.
On the point of classifying women as "whores"... well, the exact term refers to women who sell their bodies, but I would only use it in a derogatory way for someone who cheats on her significant other. It's a big emotional betrayal. Unfortunately, I don't know of a similar term for
men in that scenario, but apparently I can make do with more general terms like "immoral asshole".
If a single woman sleeps with a bunch of different men, but is safe about it? Hell, more power to her. I don't think it's fair to judge a woman for doing the gender-flipped version of a stereotypically male fantasy. If she were a friend or something, I might be offended if she weren't sexually interested in me as well, but that's still not an excuse.
And if she's unsafe about it, I still wouldn't call her a whore, but she'd be an idiot.
i mean how can i not have a great bond with someone i have been with my entire live? (like my mother or father) or does it get worse and better over time?
In my personal life, I tend to be either a loner, or I gravitate towards geekier habits. Reading, video gaming, that sort of thing. This is, to some degree, a learned habit rather than a natural one; several years of my earlier life were spent moving to a new place every year (on average), or every three years (at most) until I was... um... eleven? Twelve? Basically, I didn't have a long-running circle of close friends or anything, y'know? So if I wanted something fun to do, I had to pick something single-player. Reading and video gaming were those things (don't think I had cable consistently as a kid). However, when I'm around people that I'm comfortable being around in my personal life, I tend to branch out if they do. I'll join them at other things and end up liking them for the fact that I was doing them with friends, if nothing else. Biking, random walks to the local 7-11, doing random crap in the gym at the local Boys and Girls Club (oh, man, the one I had at my home city was fucking AWESOME; I remember trying to go to one in Phoenix when visiting my dad one summer, and my sister and I were quite vocal about NEVER GOING BACK TO IT, but the one at home? loved it), going swimming, playing card games, filming/editing little movies or AMVs or whatever... there were lots of things that I never would have been doing if it weren't for my friends. And, since the move to a city I've still, five years later, never really quite settled into, I've stopped doing most of those things.
(Wow, this is a lot of rambling and starting to get off-track.)
Anyway. Because I tend not to do a lot of group activities or whatever, and my own interests are pretty narrow, I'm not particularly close to anyone in my family. My mother, father, sister. (I probably would be closer to my sister, as she's fairly geeky in her own right and also has an intelligence to rival mine... BUT her personality is abrasive. Massively. She's got a very spoiled mindset, and while she's gotten better as she's become an adult... Well, we have a better relationship when it's long distance and neither of us can piss the other off in person. I know I tend to set her off somehow as well, but no one is good at identifying their own flaws, so.)
I was somewhat close to an aunt of mine, but I'm related to her (now ex) husband by blood and not her, so when things turned sour after their divorce, my side of the family distanced themselves from her. For myself, the divorce happened after the plunge into depression, so I was avoiding visiting them and their children that basically idolize me even before the divorce.
So... being distant with members of your family is not that uncommon. If no one is around your age (and in my family, no one really was: I was the oldest cousin by four years, minimum, on BOTH sides, with one exception that I've only met in person about five times by the age of 23 now) and no one shares strong common interests. Bonus points if your family is, like mine, carrying an area poisoned with ridiculous drama. So you also don't SEE members of your extended family as often as you would otherwise. Further points if none of them live close to you... like mine.
