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Elroy...Still no end?

Esa94: It's over.
Elroy: Nothing's over while I'm breathing.
Esa94:I was kinda hoping you'd say that.

Someday, amigos.

Elroy wrote:Esa94: It's over.
Elroy: Nothing's over while I'm breathing.
Esa94:I was kinda hoping you'd say that.

Someday, amigos.

DAMNIT ELROY!

Hey we should just wait for a while Elroy is doing what hes doing to continue doing what he wants to do.

Elroy wrote:Esa94: It's over.
Elroy: Nothing's over while I'm breathing.
Esa94:I was kinda hoping you'd say that.

Someday, amigos.

Damn you, don't include me in your Avatar quotes before I've actually seen the film

Mikage-sama wrote:Hey we should just wait for a while Elroy is doing what hes doing to continue doing what he wants to do.

Verry true.....Wait what?

I think my posting this is a sign of the apocalypse, so please enjoy this before the blast wave hits.

Chapter 7

A heavy sigh. I blink my bloodshot eyes again and again, till I have some semblence of perception. My vision sweeps across the empty "library." Everything looks out of focus. Tightly gripping The Cure, I try to keep the mental prisoners where they should be. I chuckle to myself, still dumbfounded by my situation.

A dream so real...I believed I was in heaven. That heaven turned into hell. I woke up to find I was in purgatory. Always have been...I never left.

...

The Cure looks up at me from my hand, taunting me. I take another sigh. My mind starts to run through this past week. The week after I woke up. I guess it's my way of "psyching" myself up. I'll have to put things in perspective...if I want to convince myself to make a decision. I thought I'd already made the decision...time and time again...but...

I'm still so confused. I feel...I don't know.

Hindsight is always 20-20, but looking back, it's still a bit fuzzy.

I just need a push. I need to know this is the right decision, without any doubt. And hopefully, before that nurse comes back.

I close my eyes and rest my head against a shelf. I go through my mental diary. My brain working nonstop for days, a lack of sleep, and a lack of food, have made it almost indecipherable. Words are smudged and muddled, while some sections are torn out altogether.

Come on, Hisao, you've had nothing but time to think...remember...something...anything...

I remember...


....


The first day.



After the doctor explained...my circumstances, he laid down the ground rules. Because of how I ended up here, I was banned from going outside. He also made me promise not to go beyond a slow walking pace. The doc also mentioned that I'd be given a break from schooling for about a week. That was the last thing on my mind. Before he left, he asked if I had any questions. I remained silent.

The truth is, I had too many questions. They were all trying to run out of my head at the same time, tripping over each other on the way to the finish line. He pointed to the button hanging near the bed and told me that I'd have to ring it if I felt any pain or discomfort in my heart, or if I wanted to move from the room. Precautionary stuff, really. After I showed my understanding, he left.

I stayed in bed. Gripping the sheets as tightly as I could, my eyes would flicker across the room. From wall to wall, corner to corner, I made sure I hadn't missed the tiniest movement. I expected creatures to crawl out of what little shadows the room had.

A few hours later, maybe a few minutes later, a nurse came in to check up on me. I answered her questions tensely, prepared for anything. I was sure that if I looked away, I'd look back to see she didn't have a face, or that she was covered in blood, or any other demonic property I could think of.

She explained that my meds were setup in the bathroom, and gave instructions on when and how to use them. She explained curtly, looking back at the door every once in a while. Guess she was busy.

When the nurse finally left me alone, I made sure she turned the TV off. I didn't want any distractions.

I didn't eat. Not counting the meds. Didn't sleep. In the dark room, my eyes were working as hard as they could. The strain I was putting them through started to make them heavy, but the bustling in my head wouldn't allow me to close them for anything longer than a second.

I rarely had to use the bathroom, but when I did, I scrambled to and fro as quickly as possible. No weapons in sight, no way of defending myself from anything, I was scared shitless. Though surprisingly, my heart was stable the whole time. Everytime I was finished with the bathroom, I'd jump into the bed as quickly as possible. It was disgusting, I was like a child afraid of the monster under the bed, or the boogyman hiding in the closet.

This routine lasted until the sun fell, then rose again. I think I got another visit from the nurse before the day was up.



The second day.



Another nurse came in sometime in the morning. I can't remember if it was the same nurse or not.

She asked if I was okay, how my heart was feeling, and if I had felt any side-effects of medication. She got me up to take a small walk around. I felt fine, but she still treated me like I was made out of glass. She repeated the same questions about my health and overall condition again and again.

After giving enough answers to shut her up, she left. Good riddance, I wanted to be left alone.

Later, I was brought food. It took about an hour to get myself to eat. Took a few seconds to throw it all up.

I spent the rest of the day laying there. My mind hadn't slowed down a bit.

"Where am I, really? Am I really back at the hospital? Did I ever leave? Were the monsters real? Did the girls....ever exist?"

These thoughts continued for the entire night. It's funny, how infinite a day may seem when you don't sleep. I was tired, but I still thought that keeping my eyes closed for more than a second would be my undoing.



The third day.



I think it was then that it started to sink in. The truth of my sitaution. All these hours...days, really, and nothing had happened. There wasn't anything trying to kill me...no traps...no monsters...There never were...

I couldn't really remember the days before the last heart attack. I can a little better now, I think. The last days here that I do remember seem like they're from so far back. Then again, with days like these, I'm not surprised. Everything's probably just run together from the stillness of it all.

It's unbelievable, what the mind can conjure up in your sleep, and how real it may seem. To the point where your mind goes along for the ride. Hahaha. I actually believed in monsters. I believed I was some sort of badass, parading around with a knife, fighting demons, and rescuing beautiful, interesting, women. Like something you'd see out of a movie or a video game. But I guess that's what it really was, escapism. The most interactive brand of escapism, courtesy of a heart attack, and the medical attention that comes with it.

It was then that my surroundings sunk in as well. I'd forgotten how....grey this place was. Everything is sterile...synthethic...and overall, just the kind of place you can never really call home. The blankets and pillowcase were of the most uncomfortable fabric imaginable. Scratchy, coarse, and it'd stick to me like a second skin. I've gotten used to kicking the blankets into a ball at the edge of the bed. It wasn't like I really needed them anyone. It's never cold, nor hot. Always a dull medium. The air itself is thin, reeking of plastic and metal.

I can't remember much else that day.

A nurse had me walk around some more. I guess it went alright, I remember he congratulated me.

I think I might've eaten. Though I doubt it. I didn't want to lose any time in my head. It's the only place I've been able to call "home." I took the time, the infinite amount of it, to replay scenes of the past, over and over...but I was finally starting to realize...all of them were...false. They were just...a dream.

The shock had completely worn off, it couldn't protect me anymore. The gloomy, lonely, truth coiled around me, strangling any neutral feelings I had.

I cried. I remember the blur in my vision as the tears welled up. I would swat the tears off of my face with a growing embarrassment, and an evolving shame. Was this...who I was now? Someone so alone....that a dream could do this to me?

The night went on like that. There was a dry period, a few hours. Sporadic, shakey, sniffles but no tears. At least, for that while. The crying started again sometime near morning.


The fourth day



That day was an overlap of the night before. When I couldn't cry anymore, I'd guzzle down water like a drunk off the wagon. Once I had my fill, I'd cry it all out. A stupid cycle. The nurses could hear me, I assume, because I'd hear them walk by the door, hesitantly talking amongst each other. One peeked his head in to get a look at me. I swatted the air, shouting at him to go away.

At about 5 or 6, I was done with the cycle. My stomach was cramped from crying, and my tear ducts felt like they'd been pouring out acid. My aching mind went to a familiar place.

In all my thinking, through those days, my mind went to them... a lot. Even though I knew they were never real, I still tried to keep hope up. I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe I thought I'd wake up, and they'd be there, or that they'd burst through the door to surprise me. I thought about the moments we had, the good ones, the bad ones. None of them were ever boring. But the memories...they hurt. Every thought was a reminder of what I'd lost...no...what I'd never had.

I know now, that thinking about them is grasping at smoke. There is nothing to be gained from thinking of them, except sorrow, disappointment.

Fed up with thinking of a world I could never be apart of, I made a decision. A vow. One I'm still trying to keep intact.
That day, I cast off my thoughts of them. Cutting at my feelings for them as best I could, hoping I could kill them. I could only imprison them. I could only barricade myself behind cold logic, behind the truth.

The hours after that decision were...difficult, to say the least. With the growing exhaustion, keeping my thoughts in control was hard enough as it was. Trying not to think of...that...was nearly impossible. I looked towards the future to keep my mind on something different.

Bad move.

The crying started again when I realized that I don't really have a future. The coming days will all be the same day. I'll still be here. Alone. Locked in my mind.

The crying stopped a while later. Can't wager how long. Sat in bed, the rest of the day. Of course.


The fifth day.


A call from my parents. I don't remember what they said. I'm sure they apologized for taking so long to call. I'm sure they told me they missed me. I didn't care. It may sound cold, but I felt nothing while I talked to them. It's been so long...or at least it's felt like it...that I can't remember their faces. I think I even asked who they were when they called. Maybe I'd been thinking of too much lately, to remember things like that. Could be that I hadn't slept.

I tried, sometimes. My mind would go blank as my thoughts finally stopped. In this state, My mind would be like a canvas, where the memories would be splashed on, coming in with no order or semblance of a pattern. A shotgun blast of voices and images. Either of...them, or the monsters, as pathetic as that may be. When that would happen, I'd bounce back up, trying to put a leash on my wandering mind.

I think I ate that day. Threw it up later. The food is...ugh...how I've survived here for this long, with food like this, is beyond me.

That day was packed with a double-whammy of excitement. The doctor came in. I can't remember which one. If it was my own doctor, or if it was the head cardiologist. Eh, doesn't matter either way.

He seemed excited, happy. I brought my unfocused attention to him.

"Well, Hisao, we've got some good news for you."

I didn't say anything.

"We've got a better position for you in the future, we've come up with a way for you to finally get out of this hospital."

Tinges of excitement and hope started to build.

"While we cannot put a specific date on it, in the future, we feel you will be doing well enough to be homeschooled. We have contacted a teacher/certified nurse that is willing to see you, as soon as we give her the okay. She's a very nice woman. I know it's not much, but it's something to shoot for. We feel it's important for o-"

Those feelings miscarried.

I suppressed the desire to shout, clenching my jaw as tightly as I could. I sat there with a smile that was cheap enough for me to afford faking. It was uncomfortable, but I was able to hold it till he finally stopped talking. Even after he stopped, he stayed put, I guess trying to gauge my reaction. He stayed too long. My mask started to crack, the furious look I was suppressing starting to seep through the holes.

I think he got the general picture. He opened his mouth to speak, but realized there was nothing to say. With an uncomfortable look, he walked out of the room.

The sides of the bed gripped tightly, I sat there fuming, grinding my teeth slowly. A headache began to grow. Still hasn't gone away. Without sleep for so long, I'm running on empty. I don't know how I've managed to keep myself from passing out this entire time. Meh, doesn't matter. I know that trying to sleep now would be impossible. The doctors haven't asked me about how I've been sleeping, so I haven't said anything to bring it to their attention. Or maybe they did, and I lied.

I can't remember. Hahaha, that phrase has been echoing through my mind for quite a while. It's funny, all I have is time to think about my situation, and I can't remember parts of it. Eh, it doesn't matter anyway. I'm sure most of it'd all run together anyway. I wish I could just forget everything. Thinking for over a hundred hours...it starts to make one resent consciousness. I'd love peace of mind. The things I'd do for it.



The sixth day




One of the nurses gave me some food and disappeared into the bathroom. What was he doing there again?

...wait..yeah, I remember now. He explained that he'd set up some new meds for me in the bathroom.

After he left, got I started on the mouth-watering pile of slop they called "food" around here.

Didn't stay down long. I remember the pain...throwing up now, with an already aching stomach, felt like giving birth. Or, what I assume it feels like. I closed my eyes and hugged the toilet as if it were my dearest friend, gagging and cursing into the filling bowl. After I was finished, I noticed something in the water, under the thick layer of bile I'd poured into it. I put my finger on the flushing mechanism, but curiosity got the best of me, I had to see what it was. I looked around for something to move the puke around with, or scoop the object out with. No such luck.

At this point, I didn't really care about socially acceptable situations, so I turned my head to the door and stuck my hand in the sludge. I started to gag again, as I realized what I was doing, but I wasn't about to go through the torture of puking again. I started taking in deep breaths, slicing my hand throw the liquid and bits of solid chunks. After a few seconds of grabbing recycled food, I turned my head to the bowl and got a better look at the situation. I was able to scoop up my prize for being a persistent, disgusting, bastard.

A syringe.

It wasn't what I expected, though I didn't know what to expect in the first place. I flushed the toilet, scrubbed the fuck out of my hand, cleaned the syringe, and went to bed. I put the syringe on the table next to me. I figured I'd wait for a nurse to come in again, and tell him he must've dropped it or something. Maybe it was for some of my medication. He did explain that a nurse would have to help me with some of it. Eh, didn't matter.

I took my focus off of that, and put it back to my situation.

"Maybe...maybe homeschooling won't be that bad."

I was fooling myself, and I knew it. It'd be no different from this. It might even be worse, having someone leering over my shoulder at all times.

A teacher, and a nurse, wrapped in one...outside of fetish porn, that sounds fucking terrible. And the friends I had, before this,...after what...It'll be...I don't know HOW long since I saw any of them. Who knows if they still live there. Because I won't see them at school...what does it matter anyway?

I would've cried more, if I could've. I felt like I was, even though I wasn't. I guess It wasn't because of the changes, the readjustment, the realization that I was in the same place...it was the realization that I'd ALWAYS be in the same place...this...situation is gonna follow me. From here, to my home. To wherever I'll live after that. Whatever job I have. Whatever I end up doing, whoever with, and wherever, this will be here with me. This stupid fucking heart...the funny thing is, it hasn't even had any difficulty here. If I wasn't so tired, I bet I could run without any trouble. I mean, I shouldn't even be here...

Few hours passed. No nurse came in. I looked at the syringe again. I figured I should've just tossed it in the trash. I mean, even though I cleaned it, the fact is, it was in a toilet full of vomit. They'd end up throwing it out anyway.

I picked it up off of the table and gave it a look. It was a pretty damn big syringe, bigger than most of the ones I'm used to seeing. I fumbled around with it, sliding it across my hand, twirling it in my fingers. An awkard spin caused it to fall from my right hand. I caught it against my left arm, the tip missing my arm by a millimeter.

"Heh, almost killed myself there. Dumbass."

I started to laugh, for the first time since I'd been here, and put the syringe back on the table.

The thought snuck in from the back of my mind, creeping towards the center.

"What if...what if I did?"

I can't remember where...but I'd heard a phrase before, for death caused by a needle full of air. Air....embolate? No....Embolism! Air embolism, I think it was that. Could've been in some medical show, or some murder-mystery bullshit. Basically, it's where you force air into someone's blood stream. I think. All I know is, you pump someone with an air bubble, and they die. Horribly, if I'm remembering correctly.

But it would...be an end...I wouldn't have to put up with this anymore.

As far as what would happen, it'd just be my parents. I don't have any friends. They'd be the only ones to deal with it. And..it'd be an end for them too. I know the endless depression and frustration they'd get from my condition. They'd hide it, but I found it each time, in their looks at me, and at each other. I know they weren't frustrated with me, per se, but they were with what I brought. They also wouldn't have to be hurting for money anymore, without all these hospital bills...

I shook my head, bolted up, and tossed the syringe in the garbage. I wasn't about to take the "pussy" way out....though the thought of it remained. It was actually kind of a relief. It meant suppressing certain memories was going to be easier, with another competitor for my attention.

And my attention it had. I thought of it for the rest of the night. I...I don't know exactly when it started...but I began debating with myself. It lasted the rest of the night, till morning. A civil war within my head. A faction that wanted to survive, one that thought death was the answer.



The seventh day, yesterday



Nothing changed, the debate raged on.

I sat there for hours, staring at the trash. A few hours later, I pulled the syringe out. I knew what it could be. A...cure. For this disease. I'll never grow out of this condition, but this...this will relieve me of it. I sat on the tiled floor, and laid The Cure ahead of me. Even then, I wasn't all that sure I'd go through with it. I just...wanted to see it, I guess. I felt like it had been calling out to me. There's something about it...a glow, perhaps. Not a physical one. Just a...feeling that I've been getting around it. Like it's meant for me.

How the hell did it get in there, anyway? Doesn't matter. What matters...is what I do with it.

I didn't do anything. I just kept watching it, attentively. As if it were going to sprout a mouth and start speaking to me.

My vision lurched to my left arm, marking it. Footsteps approached the door infront of me. In my exhausted state, it took a while for things to click together. When they did, I knew what I had to do. I couldn't let them take this from me. Not until I, myself, had made the decision.

I grabbed The Cure, snapped into bed, and shoved it under my pillow.

The nurse pestered me with the usual stuff, and gave me more medication to take later. I asked him if I could go to the library. I don't know why, it just...sprung to mind. He said I could go tomorrow, at noon. I looked at the clock. It was already 7. I blinked my eyes a few times to make sure. It started to dawn on me, I felt a frosted hand cluch my spine. I'd been staring at The Cure for hours...I guess that was when I started to realize...I'm loosing my fucking mind. Maybe I lost it a while ago. I can't have been that sane for...that...to change that much of my life.

I started thinking about the library. I had no intention of reading books there, I guess I picked it as my...spot. In my room, a nurse can pop in at any time. The stupid bastards sometimes barge into my room, confusing it for someone else's. The library, from what I remembered, was almost always empty. Hell, it's not even a library, really. In here, I doubt anyone will find me.

Another sleepless night. Since it's been so strong a routine, the concept of sleep has started becoming increasingly bizarre. The past few days being so achingly long, it's hard to imagine cutting time by sleeping. Then again, it's not like I've been doing much with my time, as of late. I watched the clock, with a growing tension, brought on by the slow, steady, movements of time.



Earlier today



The time I had was spent anxiously waiting, drinking water to calm my nerves, washing my face to keep myself alert.

The clocked moved slowly...microscopic movements towards my goal. But finally, the moment of truth had arrived. At 12, I put the syringe in my pocket, which stuck out a bit, and stood up. I waited for the nurse to knock on the door. Bastard was 10 minutes late. When he got there, he asked me what it was that I had wanted. He'd forgotten that, but he remembered he had an appointment here. I told him I wanted to go to the library. He simply nodded and walked out the door, waving his hand to get me to follow.

He lead me to the storage room and told me he'd be back to check up on me in an hour or two. I wondered if he's taken me here before. His face doesn't seem familiar.

I took a quick sweep of the room. Nobody's been here since I got in. After that, I sat on the floor, and slumped against a shelf. With a sigh, I pulled back on the plunger, letting the syringe take in all the air that it could. And that's....all I remember.

Finished recounting my time here, I give another look to The Cure.

That's...that's it now. I've gotta do this. It feels right.

...

This...this is crazy...I...maybe I haven't thought this all the way through. I mean...to throw everything way...

Agh, no. I have to. I can't get cold feet. Because I now understand, what being in this place truly is.

This place. Every hospital. They're built around "survival." Survival. That's the word.

People are born here. People die here. People survive here. People do not live here.

Should I stay here...I'll be stuck alone. I won't be in this hospital. I'll be inside my head. I won't be what I could've been. There's no way to be a normal person. Lead a normal life.

I have no interest in the books around me, or in the TV in my room. The people in this hospital are forgettable, and beings I have no interest being around.

This is still fucking insane though....

I slide my fingers through my hair.

No. Staying here, accepting this...condition, THAT would be insane.

...maybe I'm just off the deep end...

Agh, enough of this. I push my sleeve back, exposing my paled skin. I flex my arm, looking for a vein.

Damn, I hadn't really thought about this part. I have no fucking clue how to do this. If only I'd become a heroin addict before I got my heart attack.

I've heard...I can't remember where...that doing this...it would be like a heart attack, taken to the most extreme extent. Would it be poetic to die this way? Maybe I'm doing it like this for that reason. Maybe it's for convenience. My heart feels too strong right now to induce a heart attack any other way, even if I tried. Whatever, this is the way it's gonna be. I've gone through the regular heart attacks. I'm sure I'll pass out, or the shock will take me out before too much time passes. Then, it's just a matter of everything...slipping away, I guess. Fuck...I never thought it'd-

Footsteps, yards ahead, outside of the library.

I lean to my right and look at the door. Seconds pass, watching the frame. Nobody. I've still got time.

I lean back, continuing to sit against the shelf, looking at the one opposite me. My vision is too blurry to make out the titles of the books infront of me. Books I'll never read, so it's not like it matters.

I shake my head and look back at my arm. I start tapping at the veins, mimicing the actions of drug users in movies. I sure hope this works...should I fail, I won't get another shot.

I'm sorry...mom...dad...don't take this the wrong way. It wasn't your fault.

I grit my teeth. The prisoners of my mind are trying to make their escape...but I still don't want to think about them. Not even now.

Time to do this.

Time to die.

Slowly, I press the needle against my arm, watching it sink into my skin. It...hurts...more than I thought it would.

The pain make my eyes jut all the way open. My vision is...clear now. The pain gave me another boost, of energy, or awareness, or something. I see the needle in my hand, in my arm. I once again run my fingers through my hair and look ahead, at the shelf infront of me, then back to my arm. I put my thumb against the plunger, ready to push d-

Wait a second...I saw something. When I looked at the shelf...there was something there...something familiar. Something on the books? I slide my eyes across the shelf, reading the titles. What did I see? What did it say?

My vision cuts across, scanning the various pieces of literature on display. Random titles, books I've never heard of, books I have heard of that have no meaning to me....wait...

I stare at a certain book for several seconds. Is it the title? The color? It's a shabby looking book, it looks like it's been tossed around a bit. The title...it's hard to read, actually. The spine is worn, the words are jagged and cut, and a little discolored.

The Life of Pi.

I scratch my head, moreso figuratively than literally.

Why is this familiar? Did I read it here before? Yeah...that must've been it. From back when I came here to read. I don't know why, but I grab the book, feeling the tattered material in my free hand. With only one hand to hold it, I awkwardly lose my grip of it, and it falls to the floor.

Now it's spread open. I see the back of the book, the spine, and the cover. A familiar sight...but....why?

Wait...

She...

I saw....

She was holding it....Ha....na....ko...

Ohh....shit...I feel it happen. The prison in my mind. The bars snap like twigs, and the inmates burst through the openings. They charge on through, ushering in wave after wave of memories...

I see them...I hear them...I almost feel like I did...when I dreamt...

It happened...I couldn't help it now...

Doesn't matter. It'll all be over soon.

I look down at my arm, after I feel the droplets of blood on my arm. Wait, not blood...I'm

I put my free hand to my face, feeling the wet line on my cheek.

I tap my thumb against the plunger. Too late to escape, memories overtake me, I see their faces. I remember the way each of them would smile. It makes me cry harder. Loud sniffles and suppressed groans soak the room.

"I'm sorry, girls."

I don't know why I say it.

"I loved you all. But it's time for me to go."

I clench The Cure tightly, my thumb still perched on the plunger. I close my eyes and rest my head against the shelf.

"Goodbye, my friends."

I open my eyes and take a deep breath, staring down on the thumb.

.......

...

I....

....I can't do it.

This...is....

They....what would they say? If they were real...what would they say?! Would they have done this? Would they have even considered doing this?

I tear the needle out of my arm, my fingers let go of it as I do. It flies through the air, landing yards away.

I close my eyes, the black backdrop becoming filled with mental pictures of them. Their smiles, their frowns.

I...I have to face it. I've accepted the truth. They were never real. But they...were the most real parts of my life. Wanting them back will give me nothing...

...But that doesn't mean I can't get anything from them. They taught me a lot. Just being around them...I saw the ways they were different from me, and from "normal" people. I also saw how they lived with their various conditions....they...lived.

Hanako was troubled, something anybody could see. What few did see was the way she'd envelope herself into her books. I used to think she just did that as a way of killing time. An activity she didn't have to share with anyone else. I remember she told me that she used to read ever since she was little. She didn't say, but I figure she used to read with her dad a lot. Hanako really loved reading...it made her happy. She also made a friend that was able to see her for the person she really is.

I...I guess I could start reading again. And whenever I get out of here...there's gotta be someone there I can talk to. I doubt anyone could compare to Lilly, but...having a friend might be nice. I just don't know when the hell I'll get one...maybe there's someone around here. I realize it's not social central, but....anyway...

Lilly was able to help those around her, sometimes with just her presence. Her grace would shine on all she met. I don't think I can ever be as nice as she was...my brain just doesn't work that way, but I can strive for her patience. Sweet as Hanako is, she does take a while to warm up to the most basic things. Lilly was never bothered by that. Or, if she was, she never showed it. She always kept a sincere smile. What a beautiful one, at that...

I'm getting distracted...

...and I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing in the first place.

I sigh.

What am I thinking? How fucked up is this? Have I always been this...pathetic? To the point where I have to look at dreams for examples of how I should act? Or whatever the hell it is I'm doing...

I run my fingers through my hair harshly, grunt, then sigh.

...Fuck it. I can't remember the months I've spent here. At least, not individual days. Just remembering the past week has been a struggle. The days are all the identical, they all run together into the same grey pool. I know it's not the medicine's fault. It's mine. I've wasted the days. I've killed time. I've been here sulking and whining like a spoiled brat. Yeah, life's not all fun and games. No, beautiful girls aren't falling into my lap. But there's gotta be some way of going on. Bright colors and themes fill my mind, courtesy of one exceptionally cute fr-...girl.

Misha...hahaha. That hair, aye, that should've been the first sign that I was dreaming. She was always on that line, that thin barrier between "adorable" and "annoying." She was never boring though, and she herself looked like she was never bored. She was always up to something. Almost to an ADD extent, but hey, it worked for her. I doubt there's a club I can join around here, but there must be something to keep myself busy with. It's not like the Student Council was all there was to her, anyway. She seemed to have a good time all the time, even just palling around with me and Shizune. Any day, any time, any place, she'd find something to laugh about. Wahaha.

Ahh, that reminds me, not that I needed reminding. Shizune...Hahaha. She taught me a lot of things, though most of them are things I'm not the type to use. One good thing she did teach me though, is to never compromise. She worked hard to make the Student Council what it was. I'm still not entirely sure what it was, but she worked for it as hard as she could. It's early to think about it, but maybe I can get focused on working towards something. A job, maybe. I'm not really sure what I wanna do, but...maybe just have something TO do will be good for me. If I remember correctly, I'm gonna be getting homework again soon. Hip-hop-hooray. Ah, well, maybe it'll help. It'd be something to do. Some way of getting out of my head.

...two more people fill my mind.

Wait...two?

Ah, well, I'm not really sure there's much good I can learn from ol' Kenji. I mean.......it'd be kind of a stretch. Ah...I guess you could say he....was a very cautious person? Jeez, it sounds like I'm giving a eulogy. Uhhh, yeah, I think I'll just skip him.

Hmmm, well, you could say he cared for his fellow man? Yeah, that's...uhh...as good as it's gonna get, I think.

Onto Rin. Hmmm. I don't think anybody can ever really "capture" the....way she was. Cryptic, kinda weird, and a rule breaker. I was never a stickler for the rules, though I do think I take care of maintaining social norms better than she did. Then again, I did fist a used toilet a few days ago. Maybe I could stop...caring about the rules, at least, a little less than I do now. I could also learn to express myself better. Yeah. Maybe not in painting, or that sort of visual art, it never really suited me. Perhaps writing?

I take another glance at Life of Pi. I'm not sure I have the skill for writing. What would I write? It'd probably be something stupid, or something really fucked up, knowing my thought process. Eh, I guess there's an audience for everything, somewhere. I could write about Kenji. With that last part I dreamt of, him doing the spell, or whatever that was, I could make a book about him being a wizard or something. That might do well.

My last friend. Huh, I only had a few. I guess I always gravitated to these people. Dreaming about that place for days straight, you'd think I'd have met more people. Then again, nobody else seemed terribly interesting, or they just weren't around. Kinda weird to think about it like this, but Akira was kinda cute, in a strange way. I'd have liked to have gotten to know her better. Agh, I'm getting distracted. I have to remember that I can't get caught here. That nurse probably won't understand if I tried to explain what happened. I don't want everyone thinking I've gone insane. Even if I have. Right now, the insanity is managable. I mean, I didn't actually kill myself, that's gotta count for something, right?

Ah, shit, I forgot to take my pills. I can't let them see that I didn't take today's set, when they refill them later. Eh, the day's only just started, I'll take 'em later. I adjust my seating position against the shelf, getting more comfortable. So...one more...

Emi. The legless runner. She was cute...then again, they all were. Her cheerfullness...I don't think that's quite something I can attain, but she did teach me to have hope. I guess...but I'm not sure what I'm hoping for. I don't even know when I'll leave this place. With her, she could wait for her prosthetics....I...I mean, it's not like I'm gonna get a replacement heart.

I sigh.

No. I can't think like that. I'll just have to make my heart stronger. It actually has seemed pretty strong, these past few days. But I can't get lazy. I've gotta remember to keep myself capable. I won't have to worry about keeping my diet healthy. I'm sure that's the main concern regarding the food here. Although it all tastes like shit.

Agh. I'm getting distracted again...the point is, I need to...get a life. They did. They all lead very different lives, but...they HAD lives. I've been surviving as a disabled person. They lived as people with disabilities. It's true, there are some things I'll never be able to do, because of what I have, but...if I keep going down this path...I won't be able to do anything.

I lift myself off the ground, still shaky from the previous crying. I swat the collected droplets of blood and tears off of my arm. I stretch out my limbs and take a deep breath. Fuck, I'm tired. This whole self-realization shit takes a lot out of you. And not sleeping for a week. I shake my head and crack my neck, then grab The C- the syringe. With another shake of the head, I toss it into the nearby garbage can. I don't think they can trace it back to me. And if they do, I'll say it was an accident, or something. Whatever. I don't want to think about that.

Now to go back to my room.

...no...

I'll stay alive, and I'll stay in this place...but...I need a break. I used to find places where I could think. A place I could gather my thoughts, and arrange them into something. Now, I need the opposite. I need an empty mind, for once. Somewhere calm, but...human. The library is better than my room, but it's not good enough. How about...I break a rule or two...

I walk out the door, but not before looking at the clock. I think I've got some time before anyone comes looking for me. Then again, that dumbass probably already forgot about me. I walk through the barely occupied hallways, past patients, nurses, and doctors that pay me no mind.

I make it to the double-doored entrance. The glare from the light outside blocks my vision of the world out there, which only increases my desire to see it. I dramatically, maybe too dramatically, force both of the doors open. They snap towards me...and I see it...something beautiful. Something mundane.

The sun above is brighter than I've ever seen it. The radiant orange ball looks...familiar, though I forgot how it really looked like, "up close." I take the small, concrete, flight of steps down to the actual ground. I spin my sight around, getting a 360 degree view of my surroundings.

I see...trees of green in the field ahead. Bright red roses, and their less flashy counterparts, form a border around the hospital. Inside, it looks as welcome as a graveyard. Out here...may as well be night and day. The air...it's...different. I can smell the flowers, the recently cut grass, and I can feel the fullness the air has with each breath. There's a light breeze, warmed by the sun. Birds in the nearby trees are singing energetic, intricate songs.

I feel...pretty fucking good. I don't know why...but I feel different now. I feel like myself.

I saunter over to the nearest tree, and sit at its base. The spot I sit in has a gap of branches, so I can see the sky with no difficulty. The sun hangs behind me, so my I don't have to worry about my eyes being bothered by it. I rest my head against the bark, hoping I don't get covered in ants. My mind...is clear now. Peace of mind...a reward that makes the past war worth it.

Feeling more relaxed, I scoot forward and lay down. The patches of grass make a surprisingly comfortable bed.

I keep my eyes closed and sigh, then take in another dose of fresh air. The future...it might not be all bad. I'll find a way. But right now, that doesn't even matter. Right now...everything's okay.

I open my eyes again. Between the branches in my periphery, the sky looks...different. The actual color of it, seems a deeper shade of blue. My eyes must've adjusted, I think I'm getting close to sleep. That doesn't sound like a bad idea. I close my eyes again.

The birds above provide a nice lullaby. Their songs are slower, and a bit quieter.

....

I open my eyes again, with a yawn. White encircles the blue sky above. Light clouds. I hope it doesn't rain.

I brush my hair back and stretch out again. I cover my hands with my face, sliding them down. I spread my arms out and close my eyes.

....

I twitch slightly, my eyes opening abruptly.

The branches...I can't see them in my periphery. Ah, probably blowing in the wind or something.

I try moving my head again, to look at where the tree's temporarily moved to...but...I can't...maybe I'm still too tired to move. My body needs this right now. Rest, finally.

I continue gazing at the sky. I've never seen it this beautiful before. There's...something to it, a heart, a feeling behind it.

The birds have stopped singing. The only thing I hear now is the wind blowing. The small tufts of grass near me shake gently. Wait...there's something else...I hear something...

Whispers. Hushed voices, stifled cries. They're intermittent, but seem to be coming from right next to me, or at least close to me...what the hell?

...I...I can't move. My body's...not responding. My eyes won't even close...what the hell? Did I do something wrong with the needle? No, it can't be. Is it my medication? Wait, I didn't take it today. Unless this is a side effect of tap water...what the fuck?

Two or three drops of water hits my chin. Is it raining?

The clouds...they do look...different now. Small streaks of red join in with the white color. It's not sunset...it can't be after 2, what the fuck is going on?!

Even weirder...it looks so...close. Like it's right above me.

Wait...there's something in the middle.

A small black orb sits in the center of the sky, inside the blue donuthole. I feel like it's been there the whole time...I just haven't paid attention to it.

What...the...fuck...is...going...on?! Did I fall asleep? I swear, after the last fucking dream, can't it be something normal this time?!

You know, Maria Ozawa, Sora Aoi...something like that?!

The red streaks splitting the sky start to get brighter. It looks as if the sky is bleeding, or the apocalypse is starting...I don't think this something to joke about...

The sobs in the air start to get louder, and heavier.

What the fuck is going on?!

A piercing cold feeling runs through me, like icicles stabbing into my body. My chest...is frozen...my lungs...I'm not breathing....

...oh....shit.....

The sky above disappears for a flash of a second, then reappears. Am I blacking out? Oh...fuck...please....this can't be the end...

The sky moves away....what the hell...

it...moves...away....

And I see...

I'm...

What I'm looking at...it's...

it can't be....

Shi...zu...ne...

She's sitting near me, her face is above mine. Sobbing, she has her hands in her hair, clumps of it clutched tightly between her fingers. I...

GNNNH

A strained grunt, and my chest unlocks...I can breathe!

I gasp loudly, taking in as much air as possible, as if I've been holding my breath for a lifetime.

I pant over and over again, my breath uneven and broken. I feel light headed.

Shizune jolts, takes her fingers out of her hair, and bends down to look at me. Her eyes are wide as saucers. Trembling, her hands reach down and touch my face...I feel the warmth of her skin, and the smearing of her tears on my chin. Shizune...my god...I'm so glad to see you. I...what...the fuck happened?

Was that...was THAT the dream?

Other figures, shades, crawl over to me. They surround me, like sharks at a feeding frenzy. My vision clears until they're all visible...Emi, Misha, Rin, Lilly, Hanako...they're...real...

I'm....really here...The Room...I'm....

I'M HOME!!!

With a long, wheezing, breath, my breathing returns to normal.

"I missed you."

I say it all of them, surprised I can get the words out. My arms and legs are still stiff.

"Hisao!"

"Are you okay?!"

They shout these words, and every other variation of them. Shizune just stares, too shocked to blink, or take her hands off of me. I slowly raise my hand, which her eyes follow, to her's. I put mine over one of them, steadily stroking her palm with my thumb.

She didn't hear me, but I think she felt what I said.

"Hisao...are you okay?"

Emi, as if she's going to disarm a bomb, puts her quivering hand on my chest, feeling for my heart.

"I'm...I'm okay."

Wait...what if this is a dream? Another one? It could be...possible. I...I have to be sure...I...it'll break my heart if this is...

"Emi. All of you..is this real? Am I...am I really here right now?"

They show looks of concern, in their own ways. I raise up on my elbows, to get a better look at them. Feeling the rising tension in me, I shakily repeat myself.

"A-am I here? D-id...all of that really happen? The-the monsters, the knife, The Room, everything?"

Lilly nods her head. I think she gets what I'm really asking.

"You're here Hisao, it's okay."

The others speak take after her.

Hanako

"Hisao...you're here, it's okay now."

Misha

"Hi-Hicchan...yo- please be okay..."

Shizune's eyes do the talking for her, asking me things, and answering my question.

Emi

"Hisao, it's okay, you're okay."

Rin

"You're nowhere but here, Hisao."

I relax onto my back, staring at the orb attached to the ceiling.

I...I can't believe it...

Rin walks on her knees towards me, then falls on her chest, at my side. Her hair brushes against my arm and tickles me.

"Don't do that again."

I chuckle to myself.

"I won't." I put my arm around her and touch her back. She raises her head to look at me, those captivating green eyes staring into mine

"I missed you, Hisao."

"I missed you too, Rin."

She smiles.

I remember that the others are still there, and try to include them.

"I missed...all of you."

Misha shrieks into a cry, scaring the fuck out of me.

"Misha! Are you okay?!"

She bobs her head up and down rapidly, her hair whipping around like the tentacles of the Kraken. She pounces on me, wrapping her arms around my neck

I muffle a grunt into her shoulder.

Misha releases me quickly.

"Ah! Are you okay? Should I-is it ok-"

"Misha, I'm fine. You can hug me to your heart's content, or mine. I'll let you know."

I smile, which she returns, though it quickly crumbles.

She latches onto me again for a few seconds, then lets go.

Before anything else can happen, I decide to ask her something.

"What....what happened? Was I..?"

What the hell DID happen? Did they really stay here for hours...maybe even days, while I dreamt?

Surprisngly, Hanako answers.

"You...there was that guy, th-that looked like you, an-and you f-f-fell, and"

She starts to cry too much to continue. Ah well, the girl made an effort.

Lilly opens her mouth, to pick up where Hanako left off, but Misha beats her to the punch.

"Hicchan! You...for a while there...you...I thought you were..."

"How long was I...?"

"About a minute, I don't really know."

Just a minute...maybe less...what the hell? I think it was when I was in under the tree- or at least dreaming I was, that I started to wake up. So...I dreamt for 8 days...in...seconds, or maybe no time at all. I was frozen in time...what the...

Well...if I'm here, then that means this is the same reality where I used to kill demons with a knife...so...Fuck it, may as well roll with it.

I...I think this is...real though. I mean, really real. What happened...when I was here last?

The last thing I remembered was like she said, that guy, the one that looked like me, looked at me. Maybe...this whole dream business...maybe it was him. I don't really get how it works, but...it makes sense. Even if it doesn't. Here, today, it makes all the sense in the world.

Retreating from my head, I wonder if I should...I don't know...tell them. Nah, I don't want to worry them. That, and I'd feel to embarrassed to mention that whole...sort of attempted suicide thing. Right now...I don't know, I guess I should just rest. Relax. It's funny, I feel alright. I don't feel as tired as I was in the dream, and I don't have that massive headache I had before the dream, nor the heart problems.

Misha edges closer to me.

"Hicchan, you should get some rest, on your bed. Are you absolutely sure you're feeling alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, trust me, I'm absolutely fine. I'm okay, Mish- Micchan."

Misha sniffles a bit, then regains her composure.

"Okay, Hicchan! Just don't scare me like that again."

"Yeah, you better not!" Emi adds.

I start pushing myself off of the ground, till I'm at my feet. They stare in awe, like I've begun levitating or something, when all I've done is stand up.

Hanako starts moving towards me, then halts abruptly.

"H-Hisao, i-is it okay if I-"

I reach forward and hug her. She jumps, then relaxes into my arms. I half expect her to cry, but she doesn't. Actually, I think she's holding her breath. Maybe she's trying NOT to cry.

"I'm okay, Hanako. Because of you. Because of all of you, I'm okay."

I think that's all I need to let them know. The truth, the part that concerns them.

Hanako lets go of me, then accidentally steps on Rin.

"Ouch."

"S-sorry!"

Rin flips over onto her back, does a sit up, and tries raising herself off of the floor. Emi goes to help her, but Hanako shakily insists that she do it, I guess as a way of apology. I think Hanako's gotten closer to Rin. Actually, I think everyone's gotten closer to each other.They all seem to be getting along.

Hanako gets behind Rin and wraps her arms around her, then helps her get to her feet.

"Thanks, but watch what you're grabbing there."

Hanako glows red.

"I'm sorry-I'm-I'm sorry!"

"Kidding."

Rin gives a toothy smile to Hanako, who lets out a forced chuckle, still a bright scarlett color.

I sit down on the edge of my bed, watching the girl's antics. I....God, I missed them...they're...they're really here...

I...I can't help it. I feel it...

Starting to cry, I look at my feet, hoping nobody notices. I let out a sniffle that's too loud to go undetected, I see their shadows shift.

Figuring that it's a lost cause to keep it a secret, another sniffle is released.

Their shadows swarm towards me, and before I can register what's happening, arms and midsections wrap around me in a crowded hug.

I raise my face to see 6 others, concerned, but hopeful. I shift my vision to all of them, looking on each cute face. They all...care for me. They're here for me.

Though...I learned that I can live without them...

I lean forward, offering my embrace to the group.

...I never want to.

They hold me, gently. Lending their warmth to me.

And I'll never have to.

I'd like to make some sort of speech. A confession of their importance to me. I have no clue what words to use...but I have to say something.

"Thank you, girls. Not just for today. For everything."

The glow from them is their response, and all I need.

We stand there like that for a while. Eventually, they pull away, showing relief and satisfaction, in their own ways.

It gets quiet for a while. Misha's words make me jump a bit.

"Get some sleep, Hicchan."

I rest against the wall, sitting at the far end of my bed.

"I'm not really tired, thanks though. What about you, Shizune? You look exhausted."

"I'll be okay, Hicchan. You're the one that needs rest."

"Come on, you know you're tired."

"Where will you be?"

"Right here, unless you mind it."

I tuck my legs in, giving enough room for another person.

Shizune starts to sign something, stops, and stares at me for a minute. From her expression, there's some serious thinking going on.

She walks away from me, and bends down. I can't see what she's doing. I start to lean forward.

She raises herself up and returns to me, with a....kinda weird look on her face. She's blushing a little, and she looks...vulnerable. She extends her hand towards mine, handing me something.

My knife.

I take it. She nods once, then slips under the covers. She puts her glasses beside my alarm clock.

"Thank you" she signs. One of the few signs I've learned. I'd like to say "no problem" but I don't want to sign the wrong thing, so I just nod.

Shizune closes her tired eyes.

Man, I really missed her. The first person I met here. Well, there was Misha too, but I kinda count them as the same package. She really is beauti-

Her eyes open again. She looks at me.

I face away. At the wall, then at the rest of the girls. Though I don't actually look at them.

I don't want her thinking I'm going to be staring at her this whole time.

Shizune squirms a little.

I look back a few seconds later, she's asleep.

Whew.

Maybe I should get some sleep too.

I mean, I'm not tired, but...I don't know. What am I gonna be doing here anyway? Maybe if I go to sleep...when I wake up, this'll have all blown over.

Then again, I don't want anymore dreams.

Hmmm...I can't really remember much of the dream anymore. My decision, and my awakening still remain, but that's about it. Ah, I guess it's for the best.

I sigh and relax onto my back.

"Any of-"

I start to whisper, then I realize the futility of it.

"Any of you guys tired? I'm gonna be up for a while, and there's enough room for someone else."

They politely decline.

I put the knife in my pocket and sit on the edge of the bed.

The girls are spread out throughout the room, sitting on the floor, looking at me.

I slip off the bed and join them.

I start thinking of things to ask them. I wonder if I should ask what they would've done if I HAD died. Morbid curiosity, but not exactly something that needs asking.

Maybe I should ask what they're going to do after we get out of here. ...eh, I don't know. May bring them down. They look okay now. If I don't mention our situation, it's not like they're going to forget it, but...in here, it's a completely different world.

For the moment, it's all we need. I shouldn't bring the outside in here. After what happened earlier, they need a break. I'm sure they're all going through enough. They all saw me die, then come back, so...I'll let them have their time. I'm getting more and more anxious about leaving though...

Anyway.

Hanako and Lilly whisper to each other in a corner. Wait, maybe not to each other. They're facing forward, away from each other. Even though she can't reciprocate, Hanako often looks at Lilly when she's talking to her, though she normally doesn't with other people. Their eyes are closed...hands clasped. What are they doing?

I edge closer to them.

"What're you guys up to?"

Lilly keeps whispering. Hanako opens her eyes and looks at me.

"We-we're praying."

Hanako closes her eyes and goes back to whispering.

"Oh."

It's all I say. I knew Lilly was religious. She'd mentioned it before. Well, I asked her. I could tell she was a little disappointed, when I told her I wasn't, though she tried to hide it. She's been nothing but understanding about it though, which works for me. Didn't really know if Hanako was, but apparently, she takes after Lilly when it comes to that. Or maybe she always was. I figure she could've been holding out hope to see her dad again....though not the way she did today, that's for goddamn sure.

Since they have that view...I wonder what they think about today. Do they think it's the apocalypse? That this is hell? Nah, I'm sure they can't think that. They're two of the sweetest people I've ever met. I know I've had my moments, but I'm pretty sure I'm not that big a dick to warrant this either. Anyway, having those views must put some other kind of spin on this.

"D-do you wanna join us?"

"Uhhhh...."

I'm sure they hear the exorbitant amount of enthusiasm in my voice. I just...I don't know. I start to think if I should or not.

Eh, fuck it, I may as well. I'm not gonna get struck down for trying.

"Sure w-" I stop myself from saying "why not." I figure it'd be kinda disrespectful. I try to smoothly transition into something believable.

"W-what do I do?"

Lilly finishes whispering something else and speaks, her eyes still closed.

"There isn't a wrong way to do it. Speak from the heart. Say what you want God to hear."

Hmmm...what DO I want to say? I consider asking them what they said, but that's probably breaking some rule somewhere. Apart from "don't kill people, and generally try not to be an asshole," I don't know much about the teachings. Still unsure of what to do, I keep asking questions.

"So..do I say it, or just think it, or..."

"Whichever you're more comfortable with. Is this your first time?"

In the back of my mind, I chuckle at her phrasing.

"Y-yeah. Sorry."

I don't know why, but I feel compelled to apologize. She knows I've been agnostic, but I don't know...I'm not sure if it makes it any better that this IS my first time doing this.

Lilly gives a settling smile. "You don't have to apologize. Whether you say it in your words, or in your head, God will hear you."

"Oookay."

I scoot over beside Hanako, clasp my hands, and close my eyes.

...

Alright, uh...God? This thing on? Testing, testing. One, two, one, two, wakka wakka wakka.

A silent chuckle.

Okay now, time to get serious. I don't want anyone to hit the "Hisao Nakai heart attack" switch.

Alrighty, what do I wanna say?

I sit there for a few seconds, thinking.

....This is stupid. I mean, I don't even...praying now, doesn't that sorta seem like a lost cause? If He were doing his job, I doubt a group of sweet, kind, girls would end up in this situation. I consider saying this to Lilly, but I don't wanna piss on their parade. And I can foresee the counter-argument. We've made it pretty much unscathed so far, and we're in a room that's been blessed. But...that's not even...

Eh...fuck it, I may as well just get this over with.

I consider praying that I stay alive until this is all over.

Next to me, I think I hear Hanako whisper my name, in a crowd of other barely audible words. Is she...praying for me?

I...I think I know what to say now.

Hey uh...God. I know you're probably not listening now, I mean, I'm not sure I would either. I've never really believed in you. But uh...if you do hear this, please...please pay attention. I don't really care what happens to me, I think praying for myself would be kinda selfish, anyway. But please, protect the girls. Keep them safe, and make sure they get out of this okay.

That's...all I've gotta say.

I conclude my prayer with a whispered "amen."

I won't exactly say I'm converted, but...if this whole thing works out, maybe I'll do this every once in a while. Couldn't hurt.

I open my eyes, looking at Lilly and Hanako. They've finished. I figure I should say something.

"That uh...that was nice."

They smile.

I continue to sit by them, peering over at the other group of people.

Misha's giving a hearty yawn into her palm. Emi and Rin are talking about something

I bow my head to Hanako and Lilly, and say "excuse me" then go to the other group.

"So what're you guys up to?"

Misha snaps her view to me.

"Emi was talking about medication!"

"Meditation." Emi corrects her.

"Meditation!"

"I see. Ever done it before?"

I notice Rin and Emi have assumed the position.

"Nope! They're teaching me how. Emi told me you did it and really liked it, so I got curious."

"Mind if I join?" If I can't sleep, I'll do the next best thing.

"Not at all!"

I cross my legs on the floor.

Misha looks at my example and quickly follows suit.

"Okay, so what do I do now?"

Emi and I both open our mouths at the same time, wanting to instruct Misha. I close mine to let Emi finish, but she waves her hand at me, signaling to continue.

I do so.

"Close your eyes, and relax. Count from 1 to 10, then backwards, and repeat that."

"Until?"

"Until you stop meditating."

"Okay, how long are you supposed to do this?"

"As long as you want. Emi and I went for...how long was it? 10, 15, minutes?"

Emi nods her head.

"Okay guys, I'm gonna try it."

She makes it sound like there's something deep or complicated to it.

Misha puts her hands at her chest, closing her fists and eyes tight, a look of stoic determination on her face.

Rin butts in.

"You're supposed to relax, it's not like you're giving birth."

"Hey!"

I grab Misha's hands and clasp them together on her lap.

"Keep trying. But don't try too hard."

"Thanks!"

Misha goes back to closing her eyes.

She looks peaceful enough.

Rin's already in a statuesque level of relaxation.

I get up and put my knife on the desk beside us, then return to the same position. Emi waits for me to get ready, so we start at around the same time.

I feel myself start to relax, the aura of The Room making the process a lot easier.

About a minute in, I start to feel amazing. For the next few minutes, this feeling continues, until I hear strange breathy sounds coming from about a foot away.

I open my eyes in the direction I hear it coming from. It's...coming from Misha.

She's slumped over a bit, her hair hanging down her face.

"Mi...Misha?"

"waaah....waaah...waaah"

....She's snoring. It's a little muffled from her chin resting against her neck.

"Uhhh...Emi, I think Misha fell asleep."

"Huh?"

Emi rubs her eyes.

"Misha's asleep. She's snoring."

"Nah, I think she's just getting really into it."

"Emi, she's drooling."

"Oh."

Misha's posture gets worse as she starts to slump over more, somehow without falling on her face.

"That can't be good for your back." Emi raises an eyebrow.

I put my hand on her shoulder.

"Misha?"

No response.

I dig through my closet for the comforter I've negletced to use and place it behind her.

"Miiiiiisha?" I shake her shoulder a bit. Nothing.

I cradle her head and lay her onto her back. She rolls over onto her side instantly, mumbling something.

Two sleepers now.

The other girls don't look too tired, and Rin got some sleep earlier.

The three of us continue meditating for a while longer, then break away all almost simultaneously.

Ugh...I can't relax anymore though. Anxiety's crawling up my body.

"Girls..." I say loud enough so everyone hears me, but not loud enough to wake Misha. Though I'd probably need a megaphone to do that.

"We're gonna have to do something..."

They immediately look concerned.

I keep going before they can stop me. Hell, I keep going even before I think about what I'm saying.

"We can't live here. Yeah, we can last the night. We can last the next day. But what about food? What about water? A few ounces of water, and whatever chocolate bars we may find isn't gonna last us."

Emi chirps in.

"But we don't know what's gonna happen! This could all go away. We just have to wait it out."

"Emi, I know you're being hopeful, and that's something I really admire about you, but you know as well as I do this isn't the way to do it. We can't just sit around and hope for things to get better without doing anything ourselves."

"Then what will we do?" Rin questions.

"I don't know. Look for a way out of here. With the way this place changes, who knows what else has happened. There could be some way out, a door, a hole, something."

Lilly, concerned, adds.

"I think we should at least stay for a few hours before we try anything. At least long enough for you to rest."

"I'll be fine."

I say it a little more aggressively than I'd like to.

"Lilly, really, I'm okay." I speak a little softer, putting on my best reassuring smile.

Emi, Rin, Lilly, and Hanako all look kinda down, I think they know it's because I'm right.

I sigh...I've really put a damper on the mood.

Emi wakes up Misha and starts relaying the new information. I guess she doesn't want her to be left out. I know Misha wants to say something, but she doesn't. She wakes up Shizune. They sign in a corner of the room, flickering their view to me at times.

I sit on the edge of my bed and put my hand over my face, holding it as I start to think of what course of action to take next.

Do I go now?

Do I just rush out, before they can comprehend what's happened?

Maybe I should try to convince them that I should get it over with...at least a quick search, maybe for water, or something.

"Girls? I'm going now. Right now."

My hand stays over my face, so I can't see their visual responses.

I feel someone wrap their arms around me.

Silk hair cascades down my arms. Hanako.

I open my eyes to confirm what I already knew.

"If you go...I'll go with you."

I put my arms around her "I'm sorry, but you can't."

Emi hops in before more can be said.

"I'll be going with you too."

"No, you won't. I'll be going alone."

Lilly

"I'll try not to slow you down."

"Lilly...." I growl.

Misha and Shizune

"We're coming with you, Hicchan!"

"Rrrrrgh!"

Rin

"I don't think I even have to say anything."

A sly smile from her.

Sigh.

Hanako lets go of me. They stare at me, waiting for my response. They look...pleased with themselves. I bet they think they're being cute, ganging up on me this way....well...they are being cute, but that's irrelevant.

I pull my hair and grunt in frustration. They're not gonna give up. They're either bluffing, and they're counting on me declining because I don't wanna put them in danger, or they're seriously not gonna let me go alone. Shit.

Well...my point still stands, I know I can't stay here. If they're gonna follow me...

I start to mumble my dissatisfaction to myself, which actually makes some of them giggle.

"I....fine. Fine, fine, fine. But I lead."

I get off of the bed and grab my knife. I didn't think we'd be going right away, in fact, I didn't want to. I would've actually waited a while. I realize if I tell them to wait a bit, they might come to their senses and tie me to the bed or something.

...on second thought, that sounds pretty g-

Dammit, Hisao, this isn't the time for that!

"Okay, girls. Let's uh...lets go."

I feel like I'm going to lead a parade or something.

I move through the crowd of them, open the door, and step out.

I'm greeted with the oppressive, cold, feeling of this place.

...it feels...I won't say it feels less creepy and crazy, just...different.

I turn to the group and raise my hand to motion them forward.

thump

What?

thump....thump....thump....thump...

What the hell is that?

thump...Thump....Thump...Thump...

That's not my heart...

I hold my hand out flat, telling them to stay where they are. I look down the hall, in the direction the noises are coming from...

Thump....Thump...

It's getting louder...something's coming closer.

THUMP....THUMP....THUMP...THUMP.....

I get into a more alert pose, readying the knife.

"Hisao, what is that?!"

"I don't know..."

"Come inside!"

"I..."

I wanna wait a few more seconds...I want to see what's coming. Yeah, it could be something bad, but...

Anticipation starts to grow.

THUMP....THUMP....THUMP....THUMP....

Soon, whatever's making those footsteps will be around the corner.

A part of a shadow is visible at the end of the hall.

....here it comes....

Next: Final Chapter

Elroy's note: Shit, gamefaqs says I missed the katana in chapter 5.

Hindsight is always 20-20, but looking back, it's still a bit fuzzy.

Did anyone else have Megadeth voice & music playing in their head when they read that line? hehe

An UPDATE! OMG!

I've totally forgotten that people could hallucinate and lose sense of time when they're on the verge of death. So it wasn't so dramatic after all.

FUCK YEAH! Wait....more waiting....
FUCK NOOOOOOOO!

Xan wrote:

Hindsight is always 20-20, but looking back, it's still a bit fuzzy.

Did anyone else have Megadeth voice & music playing in their head when they read that line? hehe

I can assure you Elroy has been listening to a lot of Megadeth while writing this

Well, I'm going to be as blunt and forward as I can: That was the biggest mind-fuck I have ever read. Don't worry, I mean it in a good way. I swear, just reading all this is making me want to go pick up a Silent Hill game and play it (never got into the series, not real big on horror). It started out so innocent, "oh man, Kenji's on another one of his little episodes, I guess." but as soon as it hit the fan, any pre-conceptions of mine just flew out the window. Beautiful, just beautiful. I'd go as far to say that this is the best horror fic I've read, of course, I don't really have much to compare it to. This ain't the cheap kind of Fanfic horror that just kills off the characters one by one either. Playing to each of the girl's weaknesses and taking away what they rely on? Genius. And the whole thing in Chapter 7 was great too. Somehow, I doubt any of this is real to begin with, but it felt like a downer ending to have the whole thing be a dream, before the game events had even occurred, thanks for picking it back up.

Nice to see everyone managed to keep themselves the same way they were. I wouldn't have expected Rin to keep her typical personality with all the crazy shit happening, but somehow she does, and it's perfect.

You know, make no mistake about it, the situation is terrifying, and I wouldn't want to be in it either, but it's really one of the best situations you could be in. You have a definite "safe room", you have supply of 'food' and water, a reliable weapon, and you've got several cute girls that love and trust you along with you. I'd say it's still a lot better than the nightmares I end of having half the time, and I wouldn't mind being in it. Hell of a lot better than what could happen. I'd actually rather be in that situation than waiting for your fate in a hospital bed. Unless I was alone, then I'd be screwed.

Also "Alright, uh...God? This thing on? Testing, testing. One, two, one, two, wakka wakka wakka." Lulz.

Can't wait to see the conclusion. Here's hoping it doesn't disappoint.

Elroy wrote: Alright, uh...God? This thing on? Testing, testing. One, two, one, two, wakka wakka wakka.

I completely killed the mood when I thought of Hisao getting hit with a spirit pie while in prayer mode.

Haha ^^ Just finished reading after two days (sorry things came up that didn't let me finish) and let me say: DAM ELROY YOU WEREN'T SHITTING ME!! XD Great indeed!