Re: Can You Remember Me? An Amnesiac Story
Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2014 8:59 pm
by bubeez
Chapter 5- Blowing in the Wind
Being lost in life isn’t so bad. When you finally find something, you can look back on those times and realize you were never lost in the first place, just on the way to
better times. I can believe that. But for now, I’ll just have to keep looking.
Maybe I’ll find it in a telescope. I’ll stare at the cosmos, then I’ll stare harder. I’ll find the eyes of God, and stare right into them. I’ll ask the questions I could never hope to answer myself.
The important questions first. Why does it all matter? Is there such a thing as fate or free will? Is humanity just an accident, or are we as divine as we think we are?
Then, the questions I really want to ask. Why me? Why do I have to pick up the pieces of memory as fast as I drop them? What gave you the right to do that?
“Where are you, God?” I say spitefully as I move my telescope.
“I didn’t know you were religious.” Suzu says, leaning on the rooftop fence. I keep my eye on the lens.
“I’m not. I don’t deny that it’s possible, though.”
“I like believing in fate. Wherever the wind blows…” Suzu says. Her sentence is comically interrupted by a slight breeze, pushing her away from the fence. Suzu catches
Miki’s good arm, who has stood quietly next to her, pulling her back to her feet.
“Screw the wind,” Miki says, defiantly facing the breeze and not moving an inch. “All you have to do is push back.”
The breeze passes both of them, and is heading towards me. The harsh hand of nature. I take a defensive stance, bracing myself.
The harsh wind still stumbles me backward, and I hold down my skirt to keep it from billowing. After the wind passes me, knocking my telescope out of place in the process, I take a look at the two girls on the rooftop with me.
“Well, what if you fight,” I ask rhetorically, fixing my ruffled clothes, “…and nothing changes anyway?”
The three of us decide to go back inside. Tonight’s weather is against stargazing, it seems. Heading down the stairs, I put the telescope back in its usual place. It’s the pride of the Astronomy Club. We could use more members, though. If we had more members, we would get more funding for things.
I wave goodbye to Suzu and Miki as they head to their own rooms… after I ensured them that I actually remember where my room is. I change into a tank top and shorts and fall into bed, my holographic stars swimming above me. Like every night, I lose myself in their glow…
“Seiki. You forgot to pray today.” I hear the rough voice of my father past the cloudiness of my dream-like state. I’ve had this dream many times.
“I know. I just forgot, Dad.” I reply, unable to look into his eyes. I’m sweeping the steps that lead to our shrine. I was just a kid back then.
“How can you forget? It’s the only way you’ll get healthier!” he says mercilessly. He raises his hand, but it’s just a threat. It goes against his principles to hit me, even if he wanted to. I see my mother coming out of the shrine to stop him, even if she knows my Dad would never do something like that. She reaches us and speaks to him.
“That’s enough. Don’t scare her like that!” My mother was forceful at times, too. She bends down to look at me, eyes filled with love and sympathy. She sighs in relief, but her tone is matter-of-fact. “But he’s right, you know. If you don’t pray, the seizures won’t stop. Remember that tea I gave you to drink? It will only help if you believe in it, Seiki. Do you understand?”
My younger self is averting her gaze by looking down at her sandals. She’s afraid. She doesn’t know the answer. All she knows is that the seizures don’t stop. She says nothing, just keeps sweeping the floor between them. Tears begin to fall where she sweeps. Her parents take that as her answer.
“She doesn’t believe. It’s hopeless.” My mother turns her back to me, ashamed. My father just continues to stare, arms folded.
I wake up with those same tears in my eyes. I wipe them away to get dressed. Every time I have this dream, it helps to take a walk around Yamaku. I’m in better times.
I leave my room. It’s 5 AM. An awkward time to be walking around on the weekend. I need to clear my head, though. It’s practically a ritual at this point. Dream, walk, forget.
Even in the minimum light, Yamaku is a pretty place. It’s the first thing that pops into my head when I think of “home.” Yamaku means more to me than that shrine ever did. I’ll forget about that shrine soon enough.
I notice my classroom window as I pass by the main building. I’ve had plenty of good times in that room; mostly with Suzu and Miki. I can imagine the three of us talking and laughing while waiting for Mutou to get to class; the scene is there, but the words are always missing. I’m fine with that; just the feeling that I had fun is enough for me. I couldn’t ask for anything more from Suzu and Miki.
Those vague memories help me cover up the old ones, and I start to feel better as I wander around my lovely school. I reach the big, metal gates at the front of the school. I can see the town further down the hill- I’ve gone there a few times before, but never alone. Today, though, I’m feeling confident.
I don’t see anyone on the road, but it doesn’t matter. There’s only one road to town, anyway. What could go wrong?
After panicking and running through a few streets, I give up. I’m lost. Very lost. Didn’t I just pass by this store a few minutes ago? Or was that a different store? Maybe I should call Miki. She’d probably wake up if I called her, but I can’t say the same for Suzu. Now the only problem is… I left my phone in my room.
Maybe I’m not meant to live a normal life. After all, I’m not normal at all; should I really try? I think back to the conversation on the rooftop last night. ‘Go where the wind blows’… I know Suzu said that. ‘Push back’… that was Miki. But what did I say?
I try to jog my mind, but nothing comes up. I keep wandering aimlessly, hoping to magically find Yamaku again. I turn yet another street corner, but am suddenly cut off by a man on a bike. I stumble backwards to avoid getting hit by the man, who has already gone around me and is going up the street I came from. Not even an apology?
I land on the ground in front of an unfamiliar shop, almost pushed right into the doorway. Despite the lack of an “open” sign, the door to the shop is propped open. It smells like a café. Above the door is a simple, wooden sign.
“The Shanghai?” I say out loud to no one in particular. I’ve never heard of this place before… but it looks like the only place that’s open right now. I’ll take my chances.
Heading inside the shop, I’m hit with an array of smells- cakes, coffee, sweets and breakfast. I’m already in love with this place. It’s empty, but I can see someone slumped over a podium. In the kitchen, I can tell someone is cooking despite the lack of customers.
I walk over to the podium and the woman. She’s obviously tired, so I decide not to bother he-
“I’M NOT SLEEPING,” the woman screams at me. I take a step back in fear. “Oh, a customer! W-Welcome to the Shanghai!”
Wow, she switched modes fast. I’m greeted by her nervous smile, which was agape and screaming a few moments ago. She takes a look at me for the first time.
“Oh! Seiki!” the woman greets me. Wait, how does she know who I am?
“I’m sorry, have we met?” I ask, puzzled.
“I’m Yuuko. I work at the library at Yamaku.” She doesn’t look offended. “We met when you borrowed a bunch of astronomy books… Hey, that reminds me! You still haven’t returned them! Umm… please do that!” Now she looks offended.
I do remember going to the library before. Where could those books be now? I’ll have to look later…
“Sorry! I’ll find them as soon as I can!” I say with a laugh.
“Well… alright. So, um… Welcome to the Shanghai!” she repeats her routine, followed by a small bow. “Please come with me.”
I didn’t really plan on staying, but... oh, well. I’ll just go with it. Yuuko takes me towards the back of the café, and I notice there’s only one other customer… She’s in a girl’s uniform for Yamaku! Maybe I can ask her to help me get back to Yamaku. I’m not a fan of talking to strangers, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
“Oh, Yuuko. Can I sit with that girl over there?”
Yuuko shuffles uncomfortably. “I don’t know if that would be a good idea, Seiki. She’s not really...”
The girl has a book in her hand, and she seems completely occupied by it. Looking at the title, I notice that it’s a book I’ve read before.
“I think it’ll be okay, Yuuko. I need to ask her something anyway.”
“Well, alright… do you want to order something now?”
“Uhmm…. Just coffee, please.” Yuuko bows and leaves for the kitchen. Now all that’s left is the hard part… socializing. I move towards the girl, her face buried in a book. I start to feel more and more nervous as I approach her. I tap on the table lightly to get her attention. She fidgets as she loses concentration on her book and meets my eyes… well, here we go.
“Hi. Can I sit here with you?” She moves her book over her face, as if hiding from me. Only her eyes are visible, just between her bangs and the top of the book. Her long, purple hair hides a lot of details from me. Her eyes move around, trying to confirm that I’m actually addressing her. Cute, in a special way.
“Umm… Y-yeah…” She pushes her face into her book, her hands shaking. Could she really have been more nervous than I was? She can’t really hide the fact. I take my seat across from her and play with my thumbs. I take a look at her book- it’s an installment of Star Wars… I love Star Wars!
“Are you a fan of Star Wars?” I ask. She jumps in her seat from hearing me talk.
“Um….! No!” she says as she shuffles through random pages of her book, an embarrassed look on her face. Eventually, she sets the book down on her lap and stares into the empty cup in front of her. She seems ready to run away. Just then, I notice her face is heavily scarred with burns. I couldn’t see them until now... still, she seems like a nice girl. I won’t treat her any differently.
“I like Star Wars too.” I say, shooting her a smile as I tilt my head. She looks stunned, but stays in her seat. Another second of silence and she probably would have made a run for it.
“R-really…?” she looks at me, hands locked together and eyes full of hope.
“Yeah. I’m a big fan of sci-fi. And space in general.” It feels strange guiding a conversation, but I don’t hate the feeling.
“Um… I… I don’t r-really like telling… anyone…” she shuffles in her seat uncomfortably. “It’s k-…kind of... nerdy, you know?” I can just see her smile start to form. She’s not looking at me, but at least she’s talking to me.
“Is it? I like the setting. It makes up a whole universe of interesting things.”
“Y-yeah… I like that too.” She finally returns my gaze, pushing her hair away from her face. Her smile is to die for.
“My name is Seiki. Nice to meet you.”
“I’m… H-Hanako. I… I think… w-we’re…in the same class.”
“Oh, we are? I’m sorry, I have…” I stop midway. A quick vision of my dream last night flashes through my head. I’m suddenly frozen, unable to talk. Hanako has noticed my silence.
“Umm… you d-don’t need to tell me….” For being so nervous, she picks up on people’s feelings surprisingly well. I’m not bothered about my condition, really… just that memory is stopping me from saying anything.
“Thanks… It’s just been a rough morning.”
“I-I understand.” This time, she smiles at me and I return it.
We end up talking for a solid hour about our favorite books. It turn out a lot of our interests overlap. She’s read a lot more than I have, but we share a few genres.
Surprisingly, she and I turn pretty friendly just talking about literature.
“So, Hanako, why were you here so early?” I ask. I still haven’t asked her to help me get back to Yamaku, but that can wait. I’m enjoying her company, and from what I can tell, she is too.
“W-well… I c-come here to read… it’s quiet. And they have my favorite tea.” She points down to her cup.
“I like coffee more.” I put it simply.
“Umm… I... l-like tea.” Hanako puts up a fight.
“Coffee.” I stand by my choice of drink.
“T-tea.”
A third voice interrupts both of us.
“My, my. Are we all getting along? Personally, my vote is for tea.” A tall, blonde girl stands over both of us, her hands resting atop her cane. I’ve met her before, I know that much. That’s about all I know. Surprisingly, she faces me. Did she hear me talking and realized where I was sitting?
“Miss Seiki. My name is Lilly Satou, if you cannot recall. A pleasure as always.” She smiles warmly, jogging my memory. “Hello, Hanako.”
Hanako returns the introduction, pulling out her book. She seems perfectly okay with letting me and Lilly talk for ourselves. That smile… it’s the closest thing I have to remembering her. I can recognize her… she called me her friend once. I think I was lost once and she helped me?
I smile back as an act of politeness, even if I don’t need to. “Hello, Lilly. I remember you…sort of.”
“Well, that’s acceptable. You may not have remembered me at all.” Lilly says in her usual positive manner. I can see Hanako peer over her book at me- this must be a confusing conversation for her.
“Care to join us?”
“My apologies, but not today. I am waiting to meet with someone else.”
“Oooh. A boyfriend, maybe?” I say teasingly. I can see Hanako flustering around at the mention of the opposite sex. Lilly’s hands are shuffling uncomfortably over her cane.
“I- I am afraid not.”
“Ha. What’s there to be embarrassed about, Lilly? Is he cute?” I ask with a sneer. Lilly plays with her cane for a little while, in deep thought. Suddenly, her anxiousness completely fades and she returns to her calmness.
“Well, the Shanghai would certainly be a fitting place for a date. Maybe that’s why you and Hanako…?” Lilly gives me a devilish smile.
“NO!” Hanako and I say at the same time. Hanako is obviously more flustered, sinking back into her seat after her outburst.
“The tables seem to have turned.” Lilly says to me, satisfied with her cleverness. “My apologies, Hanako. The moment was simply too perfect.”
“I-it’s okay, Lilly…” Hanako says. She hides under her book, and I can just detect a small smile.
These two are fun in their own way. I never would have expected Lilly to crack a joke like that, especially at Hanako’s expense. She must have had a reason to do that... Oh, before I forget. I need to find out how to get to Yamaku again.
“Uhh, by the way. I’m kind of completely lost… How do I get back to Yamaku?” I say to the both of them.
“Well, I’m afraid I cannot miss my meeting. Although, she is fairly late... Hanako, could you escort Miss Seiki back to school?” Lilly asks Hanako.
“Um-…. I… I have to do s-something today… sorry.” Hanako whispers. The three of us stand around awkwardly trying to find ways to solve the problem.
While we’re brainstorming, something crashes into the doorway of the Shanghai, much like my entrance an hour ago. A boy is lying on the floor… he’s wearing the school uniform, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen him before. After a few moments, he picks himself up and looks around the store. He’s too far away to reveal any details. We’re out of his sight, but we can see him- I wonder if Hanako watched the same thing happen to me an hour ago? She must have.
As the boy makes his way into the store, he looks around curiously, hands in his pockets. He must not have meant to come in here. He walks up to the podium, where Yuuko is slumping over, unconscious again.
“O-oh! Lilly…It’s H-Hisao!” Hanako says quietly to me and Lilly.
What the hell is a ‘Hisao’?
“Oh, how splendid. Hisao is here?” Lilly replies.
I’m confused.
“Uhh… guys? What’s a Hisao?” I ask with a clueless expression.
“H-He’s… in our class, too…” Hanako says.
“Indeed. We met him just earlier this week, Hanako and I.” Lilly adds in.
Hanako looks over her shoulder towards the boy in the uniform, who is headed this way. He is waving in our direction, but it must be only for Hanako. After all, it’s obviously not for Lilly, and he doesn’t know me. He reaches our table, and I can finally see him properly. Have I met him before?
“Hey Lilly. Hi, Hanako.” He exchanges pleasantries with them, looking everywhere except at me. Finally, his eyes land on me. “Hello. I don’t think we’ve met before.”
“My name is Seiki.” I say, trying to stay as calm as possible. I’ve never talked to guys my age, really… “Uhh.. p-…pleased to meet you.” I say, extending my arm out to shake his hand…
Why the hell did I do that?! That’s so lame! I finally talk to a guy for the first time and I go and ruin it and end up looking totally stupid and-
“Hisao. Hisao Nakai.” He says with a smile as he shakes my hand. A very nice smile. Oh god… our hands are touching. His hand is warm… I like it.
Yuuko is now approaching our table, probably to take orders from our newly-seated friend.
“W-Welcome to the Shanghai! What would you like?” Yuuko says, obviously talking to Hisao. Hanako and I have our cups in front of us, and Lilly has already been here a while without ordering anything.
“Just coffee, please.”
Ooh. I like him.
“Okay, okay. But you can’t deny that coffee has benefits from having caffeine. Right, Seiki?” Hisao points out, holding up his cup of coffee for emphasis. Almost two hours later, we’re all still sitting here, just talking.
“Exactly! Coffee is basically delicious energy.” I say, pointing down at my own cup. I’m too afraid to look at Hisao for agreement.
“Tea is quite invigorating, actually. I find myself quite alert after a cup.” Lilly says from across the table. She and Hanako are sitting together, and Hisao and I are next to each other… somehow, this feels like a set-up.
“Y-yeah… I, umm… think tea is still… better.” Hanako says with no real defense. That’s fine, though. Lilly is doing most of the heavy-lifting for their team anyway. Team Tea is quite formidable.
Team Coffee won’t back down. It’s my turn to fight. For honor. For glory. For coffee.
“Coffee has more freedom though! I control how much sugar and cream I want to use. You can have tea, but you’ll always be stuck with how it’s made.” I say, trying to sound resolved.
“Nice one, Seiki.” Hisao says to me, smiling brightly. I could get lost in that smile of his. I still blush if I face him, though. “So, what says Team Tea?”
Lilly and Hanako whisper to each other, but both look uneasy. I suddenly feel more confident now that it looks like I stumped them. I’m grinning, even though my victory isn’t assured.
Neither of them break the silence. Lilly looks like she wants to say something. Just as she is about to say something, a fifth voice cuts in. How many unexpected visitors is this table going to get?
“Ahh, you kids. Sorry, but alcohol wins every time.” The stranger pats Lilly on the head as she speaks. She’s in a sleek black suit. I would have mistaken her for a guy if I didn’t hear her voice. “Sorry I’m late.”
Lilly looks delighted to see this woman, almost like she couldn’t wait to leave the conversation. I wonder if our conversation trapped her in a corner…
“Hello, Akira. It is quite alright. My friends and I had plenty to discuss in the meantime.” Lilly says while motioning towards me and Hisao. “These are my new friends from Yamaku, Seiki and Hisao.”
“Pleased to meet you.” Akira replies, her sharp red eyes meeting ours. She also nods to Hanako. It seems they’ve met before.
“I’m afraid Akira and I must bid you all farewell. This was quite fun. Until next time, everyone.” Lilly says, standing up from her seat. Before she leaves, she turns back to the table.
“Hisao, would you escort Miss Seiki back to school? She’s just dying to get to know you.” Lilly says, a small giggle escaping soon after.
WHAT? Him? Me? Alone?
“B-but…” I say nervously, motioning for Lilly to reconsider. Meanwhile, Hisao gets up from his chair and stretches.
“Sure, I can take you home.” Hisao says casually. “That is, if you would like me to.”
“Umm… yeah. Okay. That’s okay.” I say, standing up to join him. Lilly is already walking away, but I can see her just look over her shoulder and smile at me. Or at least
I’m imagining her doing that. I can’t tell whether I should thank her, or if this is revenge for my compelling coffee argument. Lilly can obviously tell I get nervous around guys...
Lilly has already walked away with Akira, and Hisao and I are ready to leave. Hanako still hasn’t told us what errands she has to run, but she stays seated. We say goodbye to her, and I see her pulling out the Star Wars book again, which she had expertly hidden under the table when Lilly and Hisao showed up. I hope she and I get to talk about sci-fi again.
As we get on the street, Hisao and I are walking alone. It’s awkwardly quiet between us... How do guys and girls ever get along? I can’t just crack jokes… Aren’t I supposed to act cute or something?
“So… umm… how do you like Yamaku?” I ask him as he takes us around a street corner.
“Well, I’ve only been here a week. I met a lot of people on my first day, but I really don’t talk that much.”
What? He’s only been here a week? That’s an awkward time to transfer to a new school…
“Oh, err… what class are you in?” I ask.
“Oh. Uh. 3-3, with Mutou. We’re in the same class, you know.” He says, laughing as he finishes his sentence. “Am I really that invisible?”
Oh crap. That was insensitive. He and I are walking uphill now, on the only road to Yamaku. I almost stop to apologize to him, but I just put my head down and blush. Of course you’re not invisible. It’s me. It’s all me.
“Umm… Sorry about that… I have a…” I begin to trail away from my sentence, reliving my dream this morning. It feels so far off compared to my experience at the Shanghai, but…
“Have a what?” Hisao asks, looking concerned. He stops on the road to look at me. His eyes are searching my eyes, looking for an answer. All I can do is stare back and hope he understands. After stopping for a few seconds, he begins to look less serious. “It’s okay. I’m not really sure how to talk about these things, but… you don’t need to tell me.”
“…Thanks, Hisao.”
We walk uphill some more. I’m feeling a little winded, but I can keep going. It’s a nice day out. Just warming up in the morning. A few cars pass by us as we walk, interrupting the silence for just a few moments. The trees are being shaken slightly by the wind, but stay firmly rooted in place. Hisao is walking right beside me, looking tired…
A particularly strong wind hits us as we’re walking upwards. Hisao… He sees the wind coming, acknowledges it. He doesn’t quite give in, but he doesn’t try to fight back, either. He just stands there. It seems like he’s given up rather than choosing to fight back. Maybe he doesn’t have a reason? Do I have one?
I put my arms up to balance myself, but still end up stumbling backwards. I give a little scream as I slowly fall to my doom… so this is the end of me, huh? Rolling down a hill…
A warm feeling on my hand wakes me up from my daydream. It’s Hisao. He catches me just before I fall, a worried look on his face. Just a second ago, he seemed content with letting the wind do anything. But he jumped into action to save me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so concerned for me before… It’s touching.
The wind settles down, and Hisao starts to pull me back on my feet. He doesn’t have a smile on his face, though... In fact, he’s completely flushed. What’s wrong?
He pulls me upward, but it causes him to fall on the ground, taking me with him. I end up falling on top of him, his arms out to his side.
“Oh god! Hisao… are you okay?” I ask. He doesn’t look like he’s in the best condition right now… I’m scared.
“Y-yeah… I’m fine… Just… stay still for a second.” He says, breathing hard. I do as he says… It’s embarrassing, but I stay lying on top of him as he catches his breath. “Sorry, I uh… have a thing.”
Ha. He mocked me. Cute. “Yeah? It’s okay. You don’t need to tell me.” My heart is beating like crazy. I can hear his, too…. It’s beating really crazy! Is he going to die or something? I decide not to ask that.
After a few minutes, Hisao and I break away. My face is redder than it’s ever been… But I’m glad he’s alive, at least. What was that just now?
We continue walking up the hill with no more interruptions. We try to talk about school some more.
“Anyway, Shizune and Misha are really nice, but I don’t think the Student Council is for me…” Hisao says. I have no idea who he’s talking about, but I still get nightmares about my one visit to the Student Council room... I hope he doesn’t have to join them.
“Well, have you looked at any other clubs? Umm…”
I was about to bring up the Astronomy Club, but there’s only two members. I don’t think we’ve even advertised our club… How could he have heard about it?
“I saw there was an Art Club, but it’s not really my cup of tea…”
Eww. Tea. I get that it’s a saying, but it feels wrong for Team Coffee to even say the word ‘tea.’
“Well, what are you interested in, then?” I ask him.
“I’m not sure. I’ve always been good at science, so…”
“Oh! Umm… There are lots of clubs for science.” I lied. I only know one science club, and that’s the Astronomy club.
“Really? Do they have a physics club?” He asks, a sparkle of interest in his eyes.
“Uhh… Sure! Yeah. I’m, uhh, in it… actually…” I mutter, trying to cover up my lie. The Astronomy Club could use the help.
“Could you sign me up? I know it’s kinda late to join clubs, but…”
“Yeah! Sure! I’ll sign you up.”
What could go wrong? I just want him in the club…. Him… Uhh. Him.
“What was your last name again?” I say, an embarrassed look on my face. I don’t tell him I can’t remember his first name either. First things first, he needs to join
Astronomy Club.
“I guess I am forgettable, huh?”
“No! Come on… don’t tease me like that!” I say, embarrassed. He just smiles at me, adding a small laugh. For a guy who embarrasses me so often, he’s too charming to be mad at…
“Hisao. Hisao Nakai.” He says, just as we reach the large iron gates of Yamaku.
I take my hand out to shake his. He meets mine firmly, and his warm hand is touching mine once again. I feel the air going around us, not daring to interfere. Today, I fought the wind.
“Welcome to the Physics Club!”
