I'm really sorry to hear about your friend. It's horrible when somone dies too young like that. Like Gandara said, mortality's a piss-off. Grief is important, and I'm glad you're moving through it. It's good to see you post again.Total Destruction wrote:That fuckin' wrecked me for a bit. I had literally kicked it with him the day before I bounced up north.
I lost a friend in high school under similar circumstances. I had seen him at school on a Thursday, and on Saturday morning his little brother called me and asked if I would be a pallbearer. I didn't have that premonition that anything was wrong. They weren't able to figure out for sure whether it was intentional, but I think it was. I tormented myself for a long time with "what if" this and "what if" that.
I know I shouldn't, but I get angry at his shade sometimes. "You numpty. If you'd just held out a year or two life would have got better. We'd be having so much fun now. You'd have met a nice girl or several; you always were more charismatic. You'd be off doing something you love. But you just had do go and balls it up."
Of course that's not fair at all. Neither of us had any perspective at that time; our worlds were so tiny and bleak and what he was going through must have been hell. Still, I can't help feeling that way sometimes.
I'm not sure exactly why I brought that up. Again, it's good to see you post, even with such sad news.
For God's sake, don't. Not ever. See the above.Auratus wrote:I also think that I might be even more vulnerable for another (or other) heartbreak. I think I should be more stronger and maybe leave a message to future's me, to not lost hope, yourself or even life to love. (I fear my future's self to commit suicide on such thing. I think my life still has way too much to die by or for someone. But I always tell myself that no insane man think he is insane. For example, Kenji)
Like you said, nobody is worth that. Maybe you should write that message to your future self. I've never thought of that.
Congratulations on starting Couch to 5k! It does get fun eventually, though it may be hard at the start. I can't recommend it enough, it's done wonders. Feel free to update us on your progress over here!