Where The Blame Falls. (OC. Upd. 07-10-15)

[LorSquirrel]

I don't remember any of the character in the vn refer to Mutuo as mister, or sensei. So apparently Shizune, Misha, Hanako, and Rin (She never calls the paiting teacher by mister or sensei) are all the worst delinquents ever.

[Steinherz]

Well, I'm not sure about Squirreltopia, but where I come from, if we had called our teacher "Smith" (or the German equivalent name) that would have caused an immediate reprimand.
I didn't go to school in the US, but I ssume the reaction there would have been similar.
In Japan, the going custom is to append a honorific to the name of even classmates. Adressing a teacher without honorific is unthinkableexcept for the worst delinquents. Your character doesn't seem to be a delinquent from what I've read so far, so it strikes me as odd.

In the US it depends on the teacher. If they're a stickler for the rules then yeah, they'll make a comment if you don't put Mr. or Mrs/Ms/Miss in front of their surname. However I've had a few teachers who literally didn't care. Hell, I referred to my Freshman year (high-school) English teacher as "Bill" a few times.

[Mirage_GSM]

None of them ever adresses him like that. Hisao calls him "sir"; not sure about the others without checking the script. Probably either simply "you" or "sir" as well.
They sometimes refer to him as "Mutou" when he is not present, and even that would be unthinkable in Japan. It was something I remarked on in the beta, but I think the reasoning was, that KS was (mainly) written for western audiences so it wasn't changed.

In the US it depends on the teacher. If they're a stickler for the rules then yeah, they'll make a comment if you don't put Mr. or Mrs/Ms/Miss in front of their surname. However I've had a few teachers who literally didn't care. Hell, I referred to my Freshman year (high-school) English teacher as "Bill" a few times.

Well, in my final two years of High School - when we were all of age - several teachers offered their first name to us(*). But we never would have called them by their last names without (the equivalent of) a "Mr."

*In the German language it is a bit more complicated. We have two different pronouns for the English "You."
Usually we adress people we are on a first-name basis with as "Du" and other people as "Sie."
So, as I mentioned above in our final years of High school many of our teachers offered to use the "Du" and their first name.
Our Chemistry teacher didn't offer the "Du" but he started calling us "Sie" (while still using our first names, which felt a bit weird...)

[Steinherz]

None of them ever adresses him like that. Hisao calls him "sir"; not sure about the others without checking the script. Probably either simply "you" or "sir" as well.
They sometimes refer to him as "Mutou" when he is not present, and even that would be unthinkable in Japan. It was something I remarked on in the beta, but I think the reasoning was, that KS was (mainly) written for western audiences so it wasn't changed.

In the US it depends on the teacher. If they're a stickler for the rules then yeah, they'll make a comment if you don't put Mr. or Mrs/Ms/Miss in front of their surname. However I've had a few teachers who literally didn't care. Hell, I referred to my Freshman year (high-school) English teacher as "Bill" a few times.

Well, in my final two years of High School - when we were all of age - several teachers offered their first name to us(*). But we never would have called them by their last names without (the equivalent of) a "Mr."

*In the German language it is a bit more complicated. We have two different pronouns for the English "You."
Usually we adress people we are on a first-name basis with as "Du" and other people as "Sie."
So, as I mentioned above in our final years of High school many of our teachers offered to use the "Du" and their first name.
Our Chemistry teacher didn't offer the "Du" but he started calling us "Sie" (while still using our first names, which felt a bit weird...)

Hooray for the Germanic languages being (mostly) similar/close enough to allow speakers of them to somewhat understand each other?

[Joonwoo]

Pretty interesting, I'm looking forward to more updates.

[Mirage_GSM]

Hooray for the Germanic languages being (mostly) similar/close enough to allow speakers of them to somewhat understand each other?

I'm not sure if you intended for that to be sarcastic, but just in case you were serious:
The most widely spoken Germanic languages are English, German and Dutch.
I don't think any English native speaker would understand enough German to get around without having learned the language or vice versa.
I can understand a bit of Dutch without having learned it if the speaker talks slowly. I can imagine the English understanding a bit of Dutch as well (the language is somewhere in the middle between English and German.)
I'm totally lost when listening to Norwegian, Swedish or Danish. I've never heard anyone talk Afrikaans or Icelandic, but I don't think I'd understand them if I did.
In general I think the Romance languages (French, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese etc.) are much closer to each other then the Germanich ones.
If you're interested we can continue this discussion in a PM; I don't want to derail this topic any further.

[LorSquirrel]

By the way. I'm looking for a proofreader for this fic. So if you're good at checking for grammar, spelling, and sentence errors. And you would like to help me then please send me a PM.

[Oscar Wildecat]

Well, I'm not sure about Squirreltopia, but where I come from, if we had called our teacher "Smith" (or the German equivalent name) that would have caused an immediate reprimand.
I didn't go to school in the US, but I ssume the reaction there would have been similar.
In Japan, the going custom is to append a honorific to the name of even classmates. Adressing a teacher without honorific is unthinkableexcept for the worst delinquents. Your character doesn't seem to be a delinquent from what I've read so far, so it strikes me as odd.
If you don't have a very good reason for this and a very good reason for the teacher to let it slide in the story, I recommend you give her another "quirk."

I was left with same impression as that of Ran Kotobuki's reference to her teacher as "Naka-teach" in the anime Super Gals! for some reason. To be more specific, the teacher is probably annoyed by the lack of decorum; but, is willing to give it a pass. Maybe he knows something general about her past? (I'm thinking here about Hanako and how she was allowed to leave class as required to deal with her panic attacks/anxiety disorder. That would be something that would probably not go down to well in a normal high school setting, either.)

[Mirage_GSM]

Never ever use the behaviour of anime characters - especially from Anime like Gals! - as a blueprint for typical Japanese behaviour! You will alienate every Japanese you come in contact with.

[Oscar Wildecat]

Never ever use the behaviour of anime characters - especially from Anime like Gals! - as a blueprint for typical Japanese behaviour! You will alienate every Japanese you come in contact with.

I would never use a fictional character's behavior as a blue print for anybody's typical behavior in the real world. I apologize for any offense I may have caused.

That said, something strikes me as atypical about the situation presented in the OC's story.

I wonder if I should try calling Kyo and Yuki this year…

Wow that’s one of the dumbest ideas I’ve had in awhile, they’d hang up the second they heard my voice. Just like they have the every time I’ve tried calling them for the past ten years...

I have a feeling this has something to do with it (the atypical situation, that is). It raises questions. What caused the breakdown in relations? What effect has it had on Kairi's psyche? Are the teachers aware of the situation? Is she in counseling? (Does the school have a counselor on staff, or is one brought in for special occasions?) What about the mom? Other relatives?

[Mirage_GSM]

Well, I guess we can be almost 100% sure that the mom is dead - probably died in that accident.
Which makes me even more curious what could have caused the dad and brother to have turned away from the girl...

[Minion of Chaos]

Well, I guess we can be almost 100% sure that the mom is dead - probably died in that accident.
Which makes me even more curious what could have caused the dad and brother to have turned away from the girl...

I thought the same thing. I'd think the turning away could be because seeing Kairi's blindness everyday would remind the others (Yuki and Kyo) of the accident. So they pushed her away

[LorSquirrel]

Before I begin I would like to thank Oscar Wildecat for proof reading this. He caught several dozen errors that I would have otherwise missed.


Quick side note, I’ve decided to start queuing you guys in on music that I think guys well with what’s happening in the scene (It’s mostly KS music). I’ll type something like this [Start playing: Cold Iron.] when it’s time.



Chapter 1-2

[Start playing: Afternoon.]


Okay, why the hell does this part of the school not have braille signs?


I mean, come on. Last time I checked blind students made up a considerable size of the student body, and there are still areas with no braille signs? What the-


“Oof!” I bump painfully into a wall.


Damn it!


Why the hell does Ikuno have to have her clubroom in the one part of the school that I never spend time near, and that doesn’t have any braille signs? Because it is the only room available? Or is it because she likes messing with me?


Either way, I’m hitting her with my cane when I find her. I think I’ll attempt a headshot this time.


After a while of walking through the halls and bumping into walls, I hear a ringing come from my backpack.


Five bucks says this is Molly calling to ask what’s taking me so long.


I put my backpack on the ground, unzip the main pocket, and start fishing around for my cell phone. It doesn’t take long to find.


“Yes Molly?” I reply grumpily into the phone after I flip open my phone.


“Do I sound like a seventeen year old girl to you young lady?” A gruff, aggravated voice comes from the phone. I’ve heard the voice plenty of times before, but it still takes me a minute to place it.


“Uncle Haichi?” I reply in a bewildered tone. As he usually doesn’t call until the weekend because he works from 6:00 AM to 10:00 PM, I wonder what he’s calling for.


“Do you know any other men with a voice as beautiful as mine?” he replies in a dramatic voice.


Beautiful? You sound like you've spent the entirety of your life smoking cigarettes in the basement of a satanic church!


“Nope. I’ve never met anyone who’s voice is as... unique as yours uncle Haichi. Also, Molly turned eighteen today,” I reply, reaching down to zip my backpack back up. Whenever uncle Haichi calls, he usually takes about an hour of my time, and I’m pretty sure Molly would come looking for me if I took too long.


“Whatever. Hey, is that Terramoto girl still shorter than her?” he replies in a mischievous tone.


I sigh. He always makes fun of Kyoko for being the shortest out of our group of friends. Mostly as ammunition against her when she starts making jokes about him looking like Santa Claus.


“I wish you guys would stop with the verbal warfare already,” I reply in an exasperated tone.


“Yeah, well. You just keep on dreaming. By the way, I thought up a new nickname for her,” he replies with a giggle.


The last thing I needed to hear was his incredibly creepy giggling. It sounds like some kind of demonic gremlin laugh.


“Good for you,” I reply flatly.


“Want to hear it?” he asks excitedly.


“No,” I reply flatly.


“Party pooper,” he replies in a sad tone.


“Did you just call to tell me your newest nicknames for my friends?” I ask, pulling one of the straps on my backpack over my shoulder.


“Well actually I called to ask for Kuri and Shin’s phone numbers,” he replies in a casual tone.


“This is the fifth time this month you’ve asked me to give you their numbers. Did you lose them again?”


“Maybe...”


“How is it that I’m blind, and I’m still better at keeping track of stuff than you?”


“Oh. Shush, and give their numbers.”


“Fine, but make sure you put them into your phone as soon as you hang up.”


“What are you my mother?”


“No. But I do have a metal cane that I can beat you with if you call me for their numbers again.” I reply sweetly.


“Sheesh. You are exactly like your father.” he says with chuckle.


[Stop music.]


I stop walking, and tighten my grip on my phone.


What did he just say?


I just stand there for a while not saying anything, and I think Haichi realized why; because, he just let out a small nervous chuckle.


“Uh... sorry Kairi, I shouldn’t of-”


“I’ll just send you an email with their phone numbers later Haichi,” I say, cutting him off.


“Wait Kairi, I-” I slam my phone closed before he can finish.


“Idiot,” I mumble to myself.


Ten damn years, and he still doesn’t know when to shut up about Kyo! “You are exactly like your father.” Was that supposed to be a damn compliment? How the hell could he compare me to that jacka-


“Is something wrong Kairi?” A familiar voice snaps me out of my thoughts. It takes me a minute to figure out whose voice it is, but I eventually realize it is Ikuno’s voice.


I’ve always found her voice a little weird. Not that it sounds bad, but it’s always been a little deeper than the rest of the people in our group of friends. It isn’t as deep as a guy’s voice, but it does make her sound older than she actually is.


Wait. How long has she been standing there?


“Oh. Hello Ikuno,” I say, my tone a little angry.


There’s a small silence. “Uh... are you trying to crush your phone or something?” she says in a worried tone.


“What?” I reply.


“It looks like you’re squeezing it really tight,” she replies.


It’s only now that I realize that my hand really hurts. I loosen my grip on the phone, and the pain begins to subside.


“Uh... You didn’t answer my other question Kairi,” she says hesitantly.


Right... Okay what can I use as an excuse, while at the same time changing the subject of the conversation?


“Yeah, I’m fine. Haichi just called me to ask for my parents' phone numbers, even though I’ve given them to him like ten times this week,” I reply, trying to keep an amused tone.


“Heh. That sounds like something your uncle would do. Does he ever not forget things?” she replies, her voice changing from hesitant to a rather cheerful tone.


[Start playing: Fripperies.]


Explanation successfully avoided.


“Yeah, I swear he loses everything I give him. Birthday presents, gift cards, pictures, books, money. It’s like he’s cursed, or something,” I reply, putting my backpack back on the ground. I unzip the main pocket and then put my phone back in it.


“No kidding. He still hasn’t given me back that movie I let him borrow, and it’s been like a year now!” she says as I zip my backpack shut.


“I don’t think you’re going to get it back if it’s been a year...” I reply as I get back up and move one of the backpack straps over my shoulder.


“Yeah I know. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to bug him about it next time I see him,” she replies. “Actually, what are you doing in this part of the building? There aren’t any braille signs or anything to help you know where you are. Right?”


“Yeah, I was looking for you, Miki, and that Akito guy. And I thought you guys would be in the club room,” I explain.


“Oh. Actually Akito, and Miki left about ten minutes ago,” she replies.


“Where’d they go?” I ask.


“They were going to the city with Hama,” she replies.


“What for?” I ask.


“I don’t know. I was just sitting in the clubroom putting together this model handgun. When I heard your voice coming from the hallway, I decided to see what you were doing.”


“What was that about a model gun?” I ask.


“Oh. I wanted the club to look like real detectives. So I got all of us tan trench coats and fedoras, and Akito got all of us model gun kits along with these cool looking holsters!” she replies excitedly.


She always said she wants to become a real detective, so she can follow in her dad’s footsteps. I think she said that he’s like a lieutenant or something in the nearby city.


“How did you get them into the school?” I ask. I’m pretty sure that the school staff would have a problem with students carrying around anything that looks like a gun with all the students who have heart conditions here.


“Mister Honda cleared it with the medical staff. As long as we don’t carry them around with us during classes, and only carry them after classes are over, and also don’t shoot anyone, we can have them on the school grounds,” she explains, as I hear a faint tapping coming from down the hall. “Anyway, why were you looking for me?”


“Oh. Well, Molly wants to go to the dinner for her birthday dinner, and she wanted to invite everyone, so she went to go get Kyoko, Suzu, and Hayato while I was supposed to get you, Miki, and Akito. But I guess I’ve kind of failed at that,” I reply.


“Why did she want Akito to come? She’s barely even spoken to the guy according to him,” she asks.


“I think she just wanted him to come along so she could tease him and Miki,” I reply.


“What does she want to tease them about?” she asks.


“She thinks that they’re dating because they keep going places with each other,” I reply.


“Really? I never actually thought about that as a possibility...” she replies before going completely silent, and soon after I hear her begin loudly tapping her foot.


Ah. She’s probably in the good old Ikuno thinking stance. Which, according to Miki, is just Ikuno leaning backwards while looking at the ceiling and tapping her foot in the ground.


She continues tapping for a couple minutes before she lets out a small high pitched giggle, “I can think of how that would work, but I doubt Kyoko would be happy with it,” she says, letting out another giggle.


“Why wouldn't she?” I ask, tilting my head quizzically.


“I don’t know. She just always seems to get that twitch in her eye whenever a girl compliments Akito, or when he compliments a girl,” she replies.


“Huh. I wonder how long she’s known him...” I reply.


“I don’t know, but she always seemed to talk about him even before he came here,” she replies with a small chuckle.


“Well we can ask her when we see her. Come on, before Molly decides to come hunt us down,” I reply cheerily.


“Sure. Just let me lock the club room,” she says before I hear her dash off down the hallway.


I wait there for a little bit before I feel someone bump into my side.


“Tch. Why don’t you move out of the middle of the hall so you aren't in peoples’ way, idiot?”Someone says in a grumpy male voice. I assume it's the person who bumped into me.


Oh, right. I am just standing in the middle of the hallway.


“Sorry,” I reply stepping over to the wall on my left, “I’m just waiting for my frie-”


“Like I care,” he says before I hear him walk away.


Well he was a rude.


I hear someone running towards me “Who was that guy?” Ikuno asks.


“I don’t know. I've never heard his voice before,” I reply turning my head to face where her voice is coming from.


“Weird... I swear I've seen him somewhere before...”


“Where?”


“I don’t know... I just know I’ve seen him somewhere... judging from the eye patch and the uniform; I’d have to guess he’s a student. I've probably just seen him around the cafeteria or something,” she replies.


“Eye patch?” I ask.


“Yeah, he was wearing a black eye patch over his right eye. If you gave him that hat I’m making Akio wear for the rest of the week then he would look like a pirate,” she replies with a chuckle.


“What hat?” I ask.


“Oh. I didn’t tell you yet?” she asks.


“I don’t think so,” I reply.


“Oh. Well I’ll tell you on the way,”


-----------

Don't forget to leave me your thoughts on this part.

[Mirage_GSM]

Only two little nitpicks:

Why the hell does Ikuno have to have her clubroom in the one part of the school that I never spend time near, and [that] doesn’t have any braille signs?

Try adding a "that" there. Makes the sentence less prone to misunterstandings. I was wondering why Ikuno should carry braille signs around for a moment.

I don’t think that wish will be coming true for a while.

Why the gerund?

The uncle seems like an interesting character... You seem to introduce a lot of characters here. I'm not sure if you want to keep some of them as recurring or if those are supposed to be one-off mentions. MIght be a bit hard to keep them straight, if they are all recurring.

[LorSquirrel]

Only two little nitpicks:

Fixed... I think.

The uncle seems like an interesting character...

Good. I was afraid he would come across just a little creepy.

You seem to introduce a lot of characters here. I'm not sure if you want to keep some of them as recurring or if those are supposed to be one-off mentions. MIght be a bit hard to keep them straight, if they are all recurring.

Some of them will be characters who just sorta hang around in the background, but quite a few of the characters who have only been mentioned, and Kairi's group of friends, are going to actually be part of the storyline. That's why I'm taking longer than I really want to on these chapter. I want to make sure that none of the characters are acting too out of character (Unless of course it ends up being a plot point).