Katawa Shoujo Forums

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.

If there's one complaint I have, it's that I don't know how many more times I can take Lilly deciding to move to Scotland

Well, I wanted to remove Rin's and Hanako's traditional support structures to drive them together more, hence Lilly's departure, and Emi being involved with Hisao. Lilly's gotta figure out this thing with her parents eventually.

Wow, I'm gone for a few... well... months ^^° and when I get back almost the first thing I find is a whole new route...
And Hanako X Rin at that - a pairing I don't think there are many stories about. And reading your story I don't know why, because you make it seem like a perfect match.
Here are a few comments/random thoughts I jotted down while reading:

“Orange,” Rin said baldly.

Has she been losing hair?

“Are you[] b-bags…all packed?”

Hanako waited for further explication,

I learned a new word today... Well yesterday... Didn't get through all of this in one sitting.

Hanako woke up on Friday morning
...
A thump at her door made her jump. Oh. Right. I should be modeling right now.

Friday is not one of her usual modelling days, is it?

Naomi and Natsume had even listened to her timorous suggestion

Two new words...

satoulillian@satouindustries.eu

Interesting... Her father got her a company email address... And I don't think I've ever actually seen anything with a .eu domain

Rin leaned in closer, her eyes locked on Hanako’s, and Hanako stopped breathing as Rin pressed her lips against hers.
...
Why did I do something so stupid?
...
What if she hates me for kissing her?

Not quite sure who kissed whom here...

She waited another half minute, then tried the door handle. It was unlocked

Not surprising since Emi just left

Overall I enjoyed this story immensely. Especially the scene with the hand-shaped scar! It was probably the best thing I could have come back to - though it helped that I'm on vacation this week

Mirage_GSM wrote: ↑Tue Nov 23, 2021 8:59 pm Wow, I'm gone for a few... well... months ^^° and when I get back almost the first thing I find is a whole new route...
And Hanako X Rin at that - a pairing I don't think there are many stories about. And reading your story I don't know why, because you make it seem like a perfect match.

Thanks! So glad you think they work together.

Here are a few comments/random thoughts I jotted down while reading:

“Orange,” Rin said baldly.

Has she been losing hair?

To state something baldly is to say it plain, simply, unadorned. In this instance, with no "Please" or other niceties. (Third new word? )

Hanako woke up on Friday morning
...
A thump at her door made her jump. Oh. Right. I should be modeling right now.

Friday is not one of her usual modelling days, is it?

It's the next day, as implied by her having just come from her (Saturday) therapy session.

Rin leaned in closer, her eyes locked on Hanako’s, and Hanako stopped breathing as Rin pressed her lips against hers.
...
Why did I do something so stupid?
...
What if she hates me for kissing her?

Not quite sure who kissed whom here...

Hanako's not really sure, either. And she's the POV character, so...

Overall I enjoyed this story immensely. Especially the scene with the hand-shaped scar! It was probably the best thing I could have come back to - though it helped that I'm on vacation this week

Again, thanks! It pleases me no end that you found it enjoyable.

I'm back, and as promised have read another one of your works. And I've gotta say: Definitely worth it. While I can only say I really liked Avenues of Communication, I can easily say I loved reading this story.

As Mirage said, it was a strange pairing that I did not expect to work, but you made it feel so natural and perfect that it's hard to not love. It's obvious that you grew as a writer between works and this piece makes it quite evident. There were no glaring pacing issues, decisions and changes that might normally feel awkward or "a bit of a stretch" felt natural and worked in to the story well, and even the more outlandish differences - specifically Hanako nude-modelling and being okay with a lot of people viewing the art pieces - didn't feel forced or out of place. The slow development of Hanako and Rin's relationship and progression throughout felt just right for both of these characters, who individually had rather slow-paced romances in their own routes as well. I also enjoyed the way Hanako and Lilly's relationship developed through the course of this story. Their conflict felt natural and resolution well-earned (even leading to an epilogue that I'd say is much harder to argue against it's presence than that of AoC's).

Then there's all the little characterizations/events sprinkled throughout. The recurring theme of birds and cages (funnily, it reminded me of Bioshock Infinite), oranges, cooking, tea parties, shopping, etc. Just as with AoC, the dynamics and characters in this story were fun, realistic feeling, and a joy to read. Not to mention inspirational and motivating to be able to capture that same magic in my own works... hopefully.

The emotional Highs and lows were satisfying as well. Hanako's birthday in particular sticks out to me as one of my favorite dynamic situations. Rin came to life in a way that's hard to capture with her character in this story and that scene is the most explicit proof of it. For me at least.

Just about the only "negatives" I can think of is that I wanted more. Though that's just me being greedy. Though it would've been interesting to see more of how this pairing altered Hisao/Emi's relationship, and how Rin and Hanako may have reacted to their journey, it's fair that they have little focus on them. It's not their story after all. Again, just me being greedy. So I'll toss out a few more of my greedy wants. Natsume and Naomi were fun and I would've enjoyed more of them as well. Every story involving Lilly also benefits from more Akira. The presence of more characters never seems to hurt my love of a story )at least thus far) in these fics. Ex. Rika could've been interesting to see cameo a bit more. As I said, some more Hisao scenes would've been interesting especially since Hanako's in class with him and they seem to have some sort of friendship forming from the start (even if only distant/sparse). More Emi/Rin interactions.

And that's about it. As I said, all of that last bit was pure greed. This story was complete, full, and fun. I really enjoyed reading this from beginning to end and it was a delight I did not know I needed in my KS fanfic repertoire. The fact that my biggest "criticism" of this piece is that there isn't more of it is a testament to the "fullness" of this piece. So once again, thanks for writing this fun and wonderful piece.

Well, those kinds of negatives I can live with. I've got a couple of other stories about Hanako & Rin in my WIP pile, hopefully will finish them Someday™.

Thank you for your kind & thoughtful words!

Having read home, AoC and now scarred muse, I largely agree with stealthy's comments; You've clearly improved as a writer between these pieces, and this is by far my favourite of your routes. I cannot give you enough praise; I really really enjoyed this.

The way you handled Hanako's birthday was really well done, and I liked how you made it obvious to the reader early on that Rin wasn't going to stop painting Hanako until Hanako was able to see herself as beautiful, while keeping this epiphany from Hanako while managing to make it feel natural that Hanako didn't see it, instead of it feeling forced. The hand print was also a very nice touch.

There are a couple negatives id like to highlight, but they are just me nit-picking.

1) I am, personally, not a fan of one liners being used to close out a chapter. I just dont feel like the final sentence of your initial nor final chapter needed to be said. I think it's better to just leave the thought of hanako being restless (part 1) or horny/playful (part 10) to the reader's imagination.

2) I don't think you needed to remind the reader what Rin smelled like quite as often as you did. I feel like I read some variation of mint, rosemary and a hint of turpentine just a few too many times. Again, sometimes less is more; just stating that the scent of her shampoo filled Hanako's nostrils or something would have been enough.

Otherwise a truly great piece of work and i hope to see more in time

Thanks for your comments! Sorry I’ve not responded sooner; a broken wrist has slowed my writing considerably…

I’m afraid I am a fan of one-liner chapter closers, so they’r here to stay

As to the scent thing, yeah, I noticed that too myself on rereading. Shoulda dialed that back a bit.

So very glad you enjoyed it!