Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Beoran]

It's true that people can suck, but so do I, so do we. If I think for five minutes I can come up with at least 3 ways I've treated other people badly as well recently.

I agree with your post and all, but that one kinda put me off, it kinda depends on how you describe recently, but, even if I go as far back as a year, I'm not sure if I even talked to that many people... at least not more then a single line exchange out of courtesy. So it's kinda hard for me to put myself in that way of thinking.

Well, I didn't want to sound too harsh, so I apologize if I came off like that. I know it can be hard to talk to other people, as, for example, I'm not always in the mood to talk with my colleagues. But I know myself how annoying it can be to have to deal with someone who doesn't speak more than three words, so I can't say being taciturn is a virtue. And there it is then, it then, my shunning other people also is a way in which I suck. Of course this is less so than if actively bothered other people, but still, it's not really nice.

In stead, I want to be as friendly as is practically possible to everyone around me. Possibly I'll never reach that goal, but it's the direction I want to go towards. Admitting to my shortcomings, however without agonizing over them is the start. I know it can be off-putting to think about my own shortcomings when I'm feeling down, but I think it's still important to do this, to keep my own arrogance in check. Of course, I don't forget about my own good points too, so I can lighten up if that's needed. I just want to have a realistic view on myself.

[danyo]

It's true that people can suck, but so do I, so do we. If I think for five minutes I can come up with at least 3 ways I've treated other people badly as well recently.

I agree with your post and all, but that one kinda put me off, it kinda depends on how you describe recently, but, even if I go as far back as a year, I'm not sure if I even talked to that many people... at least not more then a single line exchange out of courtesy. So it's kinda hard for me to put myself in that way of thinking.

Well, I didn't want to sound too harsh, so I apologize if I came off like that. I know it can be hard to talk to other people, as, for example, I'm not always in the mood to talk with my colleagues. But I know myself how annoying it can be to have to deal with someone who doesn't speak more than three words, so I can't say being taciturn is a virtue. And there it is then, it then, my shunning other people also is a way in which I suck. Of course this is less so than if actively bothered other people, but still, it's not really nice.

In stead, I want to be as friendly as is practically possible to everyone around me. Possibly I'll never reach that goal, but it's the direction I want to go towards. Admitting to my shortcomings, however without agonizing over them is the start. I know it can be off-putting to think about my own shortcomings when I'm feeling down, but I think it's still important to do this, to keep my own arrogance in check. Of course, I don't forget about my own good points too, so I can lighten up if that's needed. I just want to have a realistic view on myself.

Oh don't worry, it wasn't harsh at all I just wanted to say why it's not that easy, at least for me. I'm kinda jealous of you that you can think that way, I definitly can't do that. So it's certainly a good thing that you share the positive things aswell, I wish I could do it aswell, though I'm sure at some point in the future I'll be able to do so.

[masuda]

I once had a relationship with a girl for like 1.5 years, but as it turned out she were only playing with my emotions to get my money, and i ended up in some serious debts, then she left. I dont think i'll have another gf, i lost my trust in them. And after all, all i need is my friends. I know i can trust them at least.

[Beoran]

Masuda,

You story is is a classic story but of course it's terrible if it happens to you. I hope you get out of debt, and maybe get some of the money back from her by one means or the other. I think it must be hard to love again after such a thing happens, and I want to say I hope your heart will heal from the pain.

Still, even if you find it hard to believe, there are people out there who will love you for yourself. And those will enjoy to be together with you even if you agree to have separate bank accounts and separate wallets. Be honest and bring it up soon when you meet a candidate for love. If that person truly likes you, they will understand and agree to keep separate accounts. A smart person will understand that relationships may fail, even with best intentions, and be willing to plan for that too.

Personally I consider separate bank accounts and separate money fundamental for a good relationship and marriage. For me it's a sign of mutual respect of each other and each other's work. It would feel weird to me if I bought a present for my wife, or a game for myself with (what could be) her money. In stead, I help her by giving her whatever she needs whenever she needs it. And she helps me whenever I need it. But we never take money from each other without asking. And that is also an important form of respect. I believe to keep trusting each other, it's neccesary to have this kind of mutual respect.

[yank4vicios]

Hi.I just posted a thread about my thoughts.Than registered to the forums.Here is my heart's story : I've had a girlfriend from my university.We was both in first year when we met.She was very beautiful.She was beautiful in her inside and outside.

I had my best memories with her.Shared my little secret that i don't keep hidden anymore.If you want to know my secret was, when i was really young and little, as my mom told me, she and my brother was studying.And there was a lamp.A table lamp.And the lamp was standing in a very high place so that i can't touch and burn my hand or something.Accidentally the lamp fell into top of my forefinger.Again as my mom told me and it looks like when i look to my forefinger now(the are still surgery scars and etc. in my forefinger) the sharp part of the lamp hit my forefinger very hard that it cut my forefinger a little below the toe.My mom and brother was able to get me to the hospital pretty quick that they put it back.And there is no problem.But cause of the scars and people's weird response to my finger when they see it, i kept it a secret to my closest friends, my family and my girlfriend.Anyways let's get back to the story : We was so happy that our relationship was good and no one was bothering us about what we must do.We had so much plans for future.Even we planned for marrying at our third anniversary.One year later when we both finished university in first 20 people.(she was 16th and i was 10th) i found a job right away but she couldn't.

After i came back from military.I directly went to see her.She wanted to meet in the cafeteria we first met which is in the university.But it was public too so it was no problem.My heart started to beat so fast because i was ready to ask for marriage.I bought a nice little ring, some chocolate that is her favorite and importantly i bring my pure love to her.I was iching to see her again.But this is real life.. Not like games.She was crying when she made a eye contact with me, my heart started to beat so fast, i couldn't talk, the only thing that i did was gulping and taking a deep breath.Because i understanded that there was something pretty wrong... I quickly stand up and hug her but she pulled herself back.And she said : "I cheated on you." Before i faint and fell to the ground the chocolate and the ring box in my hand fell before me and made a sound that i never forgot.It was the sound of my broke heart.And the last sound i heard before i wake up was her sound shouting : Yankı!. It's my name btw.After they checked me they said theres nothing wrong with different than a little blood pressure.But there was something else : They found up that i had a tumor on my pancreas.Not so big not so small.When they told me that, my brother came in to the room with a box in his hand.It was the box of the ring.When i saw it. I shouted: Get that out of here throw it in somewhere or sell it or keep it! Do whatever you want.And then i cryed for like 45 minutes.After they take the tumor out of my body with a successfully operation.She came to visit me.I allowed her.She sit to the bed right next to me.We stare each other for half an hour.Then she left without only saying : Farewell. And it was 1 months ago.Now after playing katawa shoujo... This game made me come back to life.I was like a dead body for past 3 weeks.Thanks for reading and don't forget: How broken is your heart doesn't matter.You must stick to your best friends and your family they will never betray you.And in someday you will have the oppurtunity to find the girl/boy that will never betray you.But you will have to keep your eyes open.Remember : What ever happens, show must go on.

[Beoran]

yank4vicios, first of all, I hope you will be completely cured and get well. Someone in my family also had cancer and I know it's a hard a hard time, a year or more of tiring treatments and hospital visits and checkups. But my family member was cured, and I hope first and foremost that you too will become completely healthy again. It strikes me, though, in a cruel irony, in a sort of twisted mix of bad and good luck at the same time, that the doctors were able to find your cancer due to ex's infidelity.

Which brings me to the next part of my reply. I can't think of a worse time to be told about infidelity than on the moment you want to propose. Again, over and over in this thread I am amazed, or rather apalled that so many things which only should happen in over-the-top soap operas do actually happen in the real world. So I feel for you, although I can't say I can even to begin to understand how you must have felt. At the least, she came out for it honestly, and clearly regretted it, and she understood you could not go on together anymore. It seems to me that "Farewell" is all you can say in such a situation.

I'm glad to hear though that you seem to have found back a positive outlook on life. I find that admirable and courageous, and it makes me feel a bit more positive too.

[masuda]

I got out of debt thanks to my best friend. About getting any money back from the girl, well.. everytime i brought that up she just made excuses, so unbelievable ones after a while that i think she was just lying to me to dodge it. Also now she's rlly put a distance between us literally as she left the country too. So chances are high i'll never see her again. But really i think it doesnt matter now that i'm out of debts, though ofc it'd be nice if she someday would give something back, except that its highly unlikely.
About finding true love, i dont know. I thought i had it, it was good and all, but i was kinda backstabbed. So in my brain love is kinda associated with bad things. There are some good memories of it too ofc, but i also cant forget how those were used against me. I was kind and helpful and it only resulted in me being used. Seems to me this world doesnt need ppl like me. I know it shouldn't be true, well at least i hope so. But with this behind me, i became slighltly paranoid. I also noticed im less emotional and way more rational now. That doesn't rlly help in new relationships either.
In Katawa Shoujo, i found the good part of love without the serious bad consequences in real life. Maybe that's why i like it very much. But sadly i experienced first hand that its still a fiction and reality doesn't work that way.

[yank4vicios]

yank4vicios, first of all, I hope you will be completely cured and get well. Someone in my family also had cancer and I know it's a hard a hard time, a year or more of tiring treatments and hospital visits and checkups. But my family member was cured, and I hope first and foremost that you too will become completely healthy again. It strikes me, though, in a cruel irony, in a sort of twisted mix of bad and good luck at the same time, that the doctors were able to find your cancer due to ex's infidelity.

Which brings me to the next part of my reply. I can't think of a worse time to be told about infidelity than on the moment you want to propose. Again, over and over in this thread I am amazed, or rather apalled that so many things which only should happen in over-the-top soap operas do actually happen in the real world. So I feel for you, although I can't say I can even to begin to understand how you must have felt. At the least, she came out for it honestly, and clearly regretted it, and she understood you could not go on together anymore. It seems to me that "Farewell" is all you can say in such a situation.

I'm glad to hear though that you seem to have found back a positive outlook on life. I find that admirable and courageous, and it makes me feel a bit more positive too.

First of all.. Thank you for reading the entire post . After her first and last visit in the hospital to me was so emotional.I wanted to talk about it with her.But i didn't my brain and heart was telling me to not to do.But there was a part of my heart deep inside filled with my memories with her telling me to talk about it.But after she told me that she cheated on me and all that happened.. I didn't listen to my heart.I don't know if i did wrong but... And i'm also thankfull to her that she didn't hide it from me and tryed to break up.She told it right away.But the thing is.I'm a very emotional person.So i think that made this event so hard on me.I'm sure that she was trying to apoligize and tell me that she regrets it but all that happened, my faint, the tumor and that "farewell" basically made this relationship unrebuildable.We both knew that and she kindly said farewell to me.I'm really thankful to her that she didn't lie to me.And it was a luck that doctors find my tumor due this event.I'm cured and healthy right know.Actually they said the tumor was just big enough to take out.So they say i will be ok.And i never smoke or do something certainly that will make me get cancer but doctors said some people are so much able to get cancer.So i think im one of those people.They said if i take my check-ups and etc. seriously i will be ok for my entire life.So im looking in the future very brightly.Again Thanks for your support.You really understand me in your own way

[Beoran]

ank4vicos,

First of all, I hate to ask this, but if possible, could you edit your messages and remove the italic/bold formatting. I'm sorry to say it but it's kind of annoying me. It feels like you're shouting all the time.

With that being said, the docors though it was OK without chemotherapy? Here, even if they can remove the cancer with an operation, they usually follow up with preventive chemoterapy to make sure any left over cancer cells get killed too. Not that I wish it upon you, I saw it's rather harrowing to have to take chemo. Anyway, if they think you're cured now, then that's a relief. Please keep having regular check-ups so you stay that way.

As for her visit in the hospital, I often think about the saying "You will only regret what you didn't do.". If you feel there is anything you want to say to her, if only to say your farewells to her, then I think you should do so by whatever means you think is best, but do it quickly so it's not an "Iwanako Letter".

Masuda, I'm glad to hear you are out of debt, and also that you have such good, reliable friends. I should work on making friends like that too, Id on't really anyone outside of family who would help me like that.

As for love , and Ks, it's true that KS is fiction, and in some stories, (not all of them) it's somewhat idealized. One thing to remember is that we only get to see the first few months of the relationship in which only the initial problems are solved, and Hisao and his lady are in the "madly in love" stage. That madly in love stage, which I remember also well for myself, from the days whne I first met my wife, is in my experience actually not that different from what you see in KS. I daresay that those days were amongst the happiest days and equally saddest days of my life, so confused were my emotions. Of course, in any relationship, once that stage pases, other problems an concflicts occur that need to be solved. Playing KS actually made me reflect on what I had been doing wrong for the last 6 years.

I understand you feel a bit paranoid since someone took advantage of you. Contrary to what you say, the world needs much more kind people like you, but unfortunately, with the way the world is, kind people also have to be careful. So it's OK to be a rational about relationships, a smart lady who really likes you will understand that iit's good to be rational about relationsips, and not be put off by that at all. Anwyay, what I want to say is, don't give up on love. It's certainly not perfect, and it takes a lot of work to keep it going, but it's an awesome road I don't regret taking.

[Sefera]

There's no love without lust. You have to be selfish in a relationship, but not too extremely. My girlfriend dumped me today. She took many of my firsts, and though I feel sad I know that I'm strong enough to carry on. I know that, but the feeling still sucks. It's hard to trust people sometimes. I need someone to chat with really, not used to being so alone. Do PM me and add me on MSN if any of you guys want to chat. Don't worry, nothing morose. Just casual chats.

[masuda]

Thx for the nice words. Right now it seems to be that its quite unlikely that i'll ever find a girl whom i find attractive (not just physically ofc), trustworthy and like that, and that she would accept me for who am i. It seems too idealistic. Even if there is someone like that, she must be on the other side of the world. Not to mention that i was always more introverted than not. Now add the extra cautios attidute that i developed too. Seems quite unlikely that it'll happen. Well at least now i dont say that it will never happen. Thats something i guess. You could say i got the (very) bad ending, a new start would be.. nice? Too bad things arent always that easy. I didnt give up on love, but it sure is not as overrated for me now. I dont expect much out of it, more like a friendship seems well enough for now.

[Daitengu]

There's no love without lust. You have to be selfish in a relationship, but not too extremely.

Hmm..I'm of opposite opinion on both thoughts. But I'm an idealist at heart as well. It's why I don't have many friends. I just don't settle for "good enough" to stave off loneliness.

There's lots of kinds of love. I love my closest friends as much as I love my family. I'm talking I would take a bullet for them if I had to. As to relationship love, I could debate it, but it'd really be silly to since I doubt anyone would like the suggestion that things could stay platonic and go beyond friends. It usually ends up as a debate as to what love really is philosophically and my Buddhist background tends to rub people the wrong way. Lets just say I feel that one can love a friend as much as a lover, and be just a broken up over losing them.

I shall grant that at it's most base form, one must have the desire to have a relationship at all. Then again one must have desires to live. One could also claim desire itself is selfish. I really wonder how selfish the desire to support and better the ones you love is. I have personally lost out from such desire, but I don't regret it. I may regret particular approaches on going about it, but I don't regret the desire to better those around me. I don't have requirements of reciprocation from those I deem worth the effort, if that's the kind of selfishness you mean. Though I think at this point I may be on the wrong track and going the wrong way lol.

Thx for the nice words. Right now it seems to be that its quite unlikely that i'll ever find a girl whom i find attractive (not just physically ofc), trustworthy and like that, and that she would accept me for who am i. It seems too idealistic. Even if there is someone like that, she must be on the other side of the world. Not to mention that i was always more introverted than not. Now add the extra cautios attidute that i developed too. Seems quite unlikely that it'll happen. Well at least now i dont say that it will never happen. Thats something i guess. You could say i got the (very) bad ending, a new start would be.. nice? Too bad things arent always that easy. I didnt give up on love, but it sure is not as overrated for me now. I dont expect much out of it, more like a friendship seems well enough for now.

Oh I know the feeling. Especially the idealistic part. Introverted odd but smart guy lookin for a brainy girl. Nothing gets me limper that a dumb meatbag, no matter how hot she is. Though for about a decade I did give up on love. Hell I gave up on everything <.< KS woke me up oddly though. I figured I'd try living with a goal in mind and see if there's someone just for me along the way. Mindset switch already feels better than all the depressing and/or suicidal thoughts.

[Sefera]

@Masuda - Masuda, I read your posts. I guess one thing I can say is that I have been there before. Try to be positive, and you'll grow stronger and stronger. If anything, the KS forum is here. =)

@Daitengu - Well, those are what I learnt from that relationship. I understand there are many other forms of love, but for now I'm referring to the bf/gf type. I think that the difference between a great friendship and romance is lust. Also, I feel that if you are not selfish in a relationship, you will end up compromising too much and feel suffocated. Speaking from personal experience. I guess it's different for other people.

[Daitengu]

@Masuda - Masuda, I read your posts. I guess one thing I can say is that I have been there before. Try to be positive, and you'll grow stronger and stronger. If anything, the KS forum is here. =)

@Daitengu - Well, those are what I learnt from that relationship. I understand there are many other forms of love, but for now I'm referring to the bf/gf type. I think that the difference between a great friendship and romance is lust. Also, I feel that if you are not selfish in a relationship, you will end up compromising too much and feel suffocated. Speaking from personal experience. I guess it's different for other people.

It's a problem of me being too altruistic. I was just describing it from one angle. Ideally I like relationships similar to two cards leaning on each other. Saves each other from eating dirt.

Friendships can be that way, but most of the time the good friends will help pick you up when you fall flat, even if they don't want that kind of support.

[yank4vicios]

ank4vicos,

First of all, I hate to ask this, but if possible, could you edit your messages and remove the italic/bold formatting. I'm sorry to say it but it's kind of annoying me. It feels like you're shouting all the time.

With that being said, the docors though it was OK without chemotherapy? Here, even if they can remove the cancer with an operation, they usually follow up with preventive chemoterapy to make sure any left over cancer cells get killed too. Not that I wish it upon you, I saw it's rather harrowing to have to take chemo. Anyway, if they think you're cured now, then that's a relief. Please keep having regular check-ups so you stay that way.

As for her visit in the hospital, I often think about the saying "You will only regret what you didn't do.". If you feel there is anything you want to say to her, if only to say your farewells to her, then I think you should do so by whatever means you think is best, but do it quickly so it's not an "Iwanako Letter".

I removed them . And yes they did told me about chemoterapy.They said it will be decided after a few check-ups.But they also said that it will be much lesser dose of it.So i don't worry that much.I lost my grandmother because of cancer.And i know what chemoterapy does to people.But i must be healthy and if it even means all chemoterapy that my grandmother went through.I'm up for it.

And yes.I thought about writing a letter or a email to her.But as i know she doesn't checks her email.So writing a letter sounds good.I was thinking about that.Now that you said i must and also my family and friends telling me to do so.. It think it's the best way.Thank you for all advices and chat.

Thx for the nice words. Right now it seems to be that its quite unlikely that i'll ever find a girl whom i find attractive (not just physically ofc), trustworthy and like that, and that she would accept me for who am i. It seems too idealistic. Even if there is someone like that, she must be on the other side of the world. Not to mention that i was always more introverted than not. Now add the extra cautios attidute that i developed too. Seems quite unlikely that it'll happen. Well at least now i dont say that it will never happen. Thats something i guess. You could say i got the (very) bad ending, a new start would be.. nice? Too bad things arent always that easy. I didnt give up on love, but it sure is not as overrated for me now. I dont expect much out of it, more like a friendship seems well enough for now.

I really understand you.After my operation for removing the tumor on my pancreas.. I had the same feeling.I had the feeling that no one would look at me if i will have so much chemoterapy.Well, I even thought all women are bad like girlfriend betrayed me.But what you must do in my opinion is : You must stand up and think about people that you really trust.That will never betray you.And stick to them.And your heart will get you to the true love.But you must catch it.Your eyes must be open for it.And even if you lose.You will always find the pure love in your family, friends.You must really take a new start for your life.And keep looking, you will find the oppurtunity of love.True love..but you must catch it