Compromised

[CrossRook]

I wrote this and it's been in the fanfiction pastebin a while, but I figured maybe some of you here would like to read it.
http://pastebin.com/bbLeSm75
Basic idea is a new character comes to Yamaku about 4 years after Hisao did, and has his own adventure.

[Guest]

I read this one awhile ago, and I enjoyed it. Although it felt short, for a full new route that is. There was a lot of stuff that could have been expanded on, such as Koji's brother and what happened with him. The side characters could have had a bit more plot to them as well, but the epilogue between Miyu and Haruna was a nice touch. All in all it was a very good story and it kept me enticed.

[Nekken]

I like it. It's a little rough around the edges, but it's good.

[misterprinny]

Really liked it as well. OC fanfics are always fun to read

[GG Crono]

I read this one awhile back. And I really enjoyed it. I'm glad you posted here.

[Mahorfeus]

Wow. I mean, wow.

Good wow, mind you.

[Bagheera]

I liked it. I thought it was interesting how you took many of the elements of the original game and shuffled them around: Jessica has elements of Lilly and Miki, for instance, while our viewpoint character feels a lot like a male Hanako. It's also there in the art club, the crazy ex, the supporting cast, etc. But instead of feeling formulaic it instead feels like you've tapped into the basic archetypes that made the game enjoyable and presented them in slightly different fashion, which made for a good read.

I also liked the fact that we got references to or cameos of pretty much the entire cast of the game, even though the story is set four years later. I think the only characters I didn't see in some fashion were Hisao and Emi, and I wouldn't be surprised if I just missed their shout outs. Nicely done there, as none of it felt forced in the least.

So yeah, it's a bit rough (things sort of fell apart there toward the end, which was a shame), but still very enjoyable. I'm glad you posted it.

[CrossRook]

I liked it. I thought it was interesting how you took many of the elements of the original game and shuffled them around: Jessica has elements of Lilly and Miki, for instance, while our viewpoint character feels a lot like a male Hanako. It's also there in the art club, the crazy ex, the supporting cast, etc. But instead of feeling formulaic it instead feels like you've tapped into the basic archetypes that made the game enjoyable and presented them in slightly different fashion, which made for a good read.

This is pretty much exactly what I was going for. I was trying to be faithful to the original source material but still make it a unique story.

I also liked the fact that we got references to or cameos of pretty much the entire cast of the game, even though the story is set four years later. I think the only characters I didn't see in some fashion were Hisao and Emi, and I wouldn't be surprised if I just missed their shout outs. Nicely done there, as none of it felt forced in the least.

I deliberately left out Hisao to make the story fit at the end of any route. I didn't include Emi because I didn't find a place for her to really fit in. Everyone else came in naturally but I couldn't really find a simple cameo. I suppose I should have had a track trophy or something appear.

Wow. I mean, wow.

Good wow, mind you.

I'm glad I inspired this kind of reaction?

There was a lot of stuff that could have been expanded on, such as Koji's brother and what happened with him.

Again I left this purposely up in the air. There are some things that no matter how much 'better' you get you will still find hard to discuss with people, especially loved ones.

[Zaknafein]

I really liked it. I kind of wish that each of the girls could have had a slightly bigger cameo (like Rin's), but I think that this is one of the better OC fan fics I've read. Kinda makes me want to work on one of my own.

[Ascended Flutist]

Read the whole thing.

Well, I loved it. I've been yearning for a good read of that sort, and you sure provided one.

Thanks a lot, sir. You're talented.

[Mahorfeus]

"Wow" doesn't really sum it up, so I suppose I should elaborate more, if anything.

In general, I don't like original characters in fan fiction. A lot of the time I find that it's hard to craft a story with well-developed OCs without either overshadowing the main characters or making the reader wonder whether the OC was a necessary creation at all. In this case however, the crisis was averted by simply making the OCs main characters. Furthermore, the main characters from the game appear few in number and only in supporting roles.

I found the leading characters rather likable (I got a bit of a hikikomori vibe from him, though not to the extreme), as well as the interaction between them and others. The online friend was a nice touch, and I had to chuckle a little because I'm a LoL fan myself. They were pretty distinct from preexisting characters, so that's a definite plus. The drama definitely picked up as the story went on, but the conflict was an interesting one, so there was nothing wrong with it.

[griffon8]

Well done. As Nekken mentioned, there are some rough spots, but it's high quality. I was glad to see you used 'bated' instead of making the common mistake of using 'baited'.

Am I weird for thinking the biggest mistake you made was having Jess tip at the Shanghai? I can't imagine how flustered that would make Yuuko.

[CrossRook]

Well done. As Nekken mentioned, there are some rough spots, but it's high quality. I was glad to see you used 'bated' instead of making the common mistake of using 'baited'.

Am I weird for thinking the biggest mistake you made was having Jess tip at the Shanghai? I can't imagine how flustered that would make Yuuko.

No, I realized that afterward. It's my own biggest screwup but I forgot to change it. I guess you could say that it's an example of her being a bit callous towards other people's feelings - she's not perfect.

[nemz]

I also liked the fact that we got references to or cameos of pretty much the entire cast of the game, even though the story is set four years later. I think the only characters I didn't see in some fashion were Hisao and Emi, and I wouldn't be surprised if I just missed their shout outs. Nicely done there, as none of it felt forced in the least.

Indeed, and that's I think we should take this as set in the future of Emi's good end. Also seems kind of fitting, given Jessica's personality and membership in the 'spy ring'.

Still, it should have been easy to put them together in the same scene where we see Emi's mom flirting with the nurse, just a passing mention like Lilly and Hanako were.

[Beoran]

Oh, I'm glad this thread came up again. I liked this story a lot! Your original charcters are very nice, and I'm glad Misha can be a sign language teacher. You even got most Japanese culture details right too. Keep on rocking!