Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Daitengu]

you mean lucent dreaming? i always wake up once i realize that it is all just a dream.

yep. That use to happen to me too. It decreases over time when you start playing around in them. After a while, getting dismembered doesn't even bother you and you don't wake up. It's just an "oh, guess I'll put that back on". Only things that wakes me up anymore is when I 'feel' like I'm falling while flying, and surprises lol.

[1Gr1mm]

I never knew a good way of starting a story, so I guess it will be best if I just start with the ‘heartbreaking’ part. There is no other way to do it anyways. I never had much of luck in life, or better yet, happiness. Since I was born, I had problems with my parents (and family in general). The style of life they were/are leading is just something that I never came to see as something good. Or at least see it as a normal behavior. On the other hand, to them I wasn’t exactly what a normal child should be. Or they never knew how to show it. I’ve come to terms of being a black sheep in the family. I was neglected and as I grew, things just happened to become even worse. I started shaping my own opinion and view of the world. I was, and still am, an optimist. In most cases, that is. Alcohol, drugs – my parents never saw it as something bad. If they did, they never showed it. I felt I was all alone.

Twelve years ago unfolded an event that changed my live forever. Not a good one at that. I was five and it was the birth of my brother and my sister, twins. Sure, I was a kid, I didn’t fully understand what it meant back then, but something was wrong. Mere days after they were born, they passed away. When something happens in those proportions, whole family is left shaken. And so it was.

I felt I was left alone, before I even had the chance to take care of someone.

As I said, since then twelve years passed and live went on. I grew and although bad things happened since then as well, it molded me into a person I am today. And as years passed, all I wanted to do was to make someone happy and to be something to someone. I had few friends, although I never felt really connected with them. I just couldn’t find that connection. Unlike most from my generation at the time, I didn’t succumb to the pressure of my peers. I refused to change who I am because of others. It took me some time to realize that it is not worth it, of course, but in the end, I refused it.

Year and a half ago though, I met a person that came into my life like a warm breeze. She soon became my best friend and later, my girlfriend. She was the first person that I opened up to and told her everything about my life. Back then, I was scared like I never was. I was afraid to tell her, not wanting her to leave me because of my past. I never did any stupid things; I never abused drugs, or alcohol. I never even tried to hurt myself. I, as I said, remained optimistic through everything. But my parents were a different story. They were a textbook example of what should not be done in life. And that’s why I was afraid.

She never left, she offered me her embrace and I was happy. That’s what happiness meant to me. Since then, my life took a spin to the better. I became more confident of my own abilities, and I became more open. I weren’t afraid to be more ‘me’. To express myself more through song-writing, acting and being myself. Sure, some bad things still happened, not everything went my way, but I was happier than ever. I am happier than I ever was.

Still, I am not a grown-up yet, and I am living with my parent. Yes, my parents divorced few years ago, because of my own words. I hated the constant fighting and yelling, I told them it would be better for everyone if they just went on with their lives, on their own. And for the first time, they listened to me. That’s just a minor detail though, not what I wanted to write for a conclusion.

I don’t have a set future; I don’t have the grounds for my future success. I don’t even know if I will have a good future. But that’s how my life is and I don’t plan on giving up on it yet, I have much more fight in me. Every day I say to myself that I will work three times more than everyone else if I have to. The most important thing today is, sadly, money, and without it, I can’t have a stable life. I don’t have to be a grown-up to understand such matters. I don’t find myself in a stable financial state nowadays, due to the mistakes of my parents while they were trying to be young once again.

Yet, I am still optimistic and I hope that one day, I will be able to live my life exactly how I see fit, not answering for mistakes of my parents, or my family. Being myself; loving and taking care of the people I love.

I’m still a little afraid though. Afraid that people, mostly my girlfriend, will leave me because of the state of my family. I’m sometimes sad that I put so much pressure on her, and I just hope she will be there to see the day when I will be standing in the world as my own person. As a person that is able to make her proud. Maybe, I hope, that day will come.

And when it does, that I’ll be standing on my own two feet, smiling and being able to make people happy.

I apologize for an extreme wall of text. I seriously didn’t mean to write it this long, but once I started, it just poured out like this. Maybe someone will find it an interesting read, maybe someone won’t. Either way, I thank you for reading.

1G.

[Beoran]

Thank you for your story, Onedream. All parents have some flaws, but for some it's more obvious from the start, I guess. I can only say clumsily that you are not your familiy, and you can lead a different like than they did. I'd also try to plan out how to get a stable, independent life.

[Shilver]

^Exactly. Don't pinhole yourself with your families bad decisions. You are a single person.

(also, don't be sorry for double posting. It's k, we've all done it at some point on a forum haha)

[Hadokant]

Sorry i'm been gone for so long. Asthma attack =.=
Dang onedream i envy you, you have almost the same story as me but with a happier ending

[MoogleDee]

Tossing up the link to the light-novel I wrote about past relationships. I picked up where I left off last night, and realized that if i didn't stop myself and reach some sort of point, I could have kept writing for days. I'm still not going to post the whole 1773 words here though, I don't like posting that much on forums. Besides, I've started to fall behind on this thread and I need to start reading the new posts.

1Gr1mm, you're an incredibly strong person. You've had a lot taken from you, but in spite of that you still move forward with your head held high. I really admire that and wish the best for you.

[NinjaHotline]

Hi, I just finished reading the other posts in this thread and I'd like to share too.

My story is about a girl. We both went to pre-school through the church our parents attended and were in the same class. We held hands once during a field trip to a children's science museum. After the field trip, she kissed me on the cheek: my very first kiss. We saw each other at a toy store once a few years later, but didn't speak to each other. I didn't encounter her again until high school. I had a few other relationships, ranging from a couple years to a couple days, before I met her again but none have had quite as profound an effect on my life as my relationship with her.

Junior year, we had history class together and I sat right behind her. A light went off in my head after hearing her name during roll call. I mentioned the preschool I attended in conversation one class period and the next day she brought in our class photo from pre-school. Sure enough, I realized it was her.

We talked a lot, and got hushed several times by the teacher because we were too loud. She asked me to be her date to junior year prom a month or so later. On prom night, I asked her to be my girlfriend.

We were together for three and a half years. We went to senior prom together, graduated together, helped each other find jobs and started college together. We spent virtually all of our free time together. I shared everything I was with her, gave her everything I had to give. Our relationship was fraught with conflict in the latter year and a half or so, but overall, I was happy. And I thought she was too. She wasn't. Last year, she cheated on me with a married man she works with. I struggled with this, but I tried to move the relationship forward.

One night, a few months after the incident, we were up late talking and she said she wanted us to get married. To just pack up, drive off that night, and start a new life together. I thought that everything I ever wanted was finally happening. We decided we needed a little longer than a day to prepare, so we decided that we'd elope this summer. Not even 24 hours after she asked me to elope, she left me for someone else.
That was in October.

I made the mistake of keeping in touch with her, and the small talk was killing me. Here she is, the girl I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with, and we were reduced to remarking about the weather. I decided I needed closure, and I had her meet me for coffee two weeks ago. I had decided that I was going to tell her that we couldn't be friends and not even talk because I wasn't emotionally able to withstand that. I intended for it to be that last time we'd ever speak. I discovered during our chat that she was leaving her current boyfriend, and planned on being single. Hopes and dreams of reuniting with her rushed through me, but I stood by my decision (the feeling was mutual: she didn't see hope for a friendship either), and we said our goodbyes.

A few days ago I received a message from the wife of the man she cheated on me with. This lady was misinformed somehow that I was my ex's current boyfriend. Here are a few quotes from the rather long message:

she and my husband cheated on my marriage (marriage of 3 years, relationship of 6 years)-while she was in a 4 year relationship with another guy.

(this 'another guy' being me)

I just thought you'd like to know that neither of them hold relationships in high regard-her and my husband (soon to be ex-husband, divorce has been filed) continue to this day to be good friends ... So in the end I just wanted to make you aware that she's a cheater, helped cheat and break up my family (we have a 3 1/2 year old daughter whose life is changed forever) ... Just thought you'd like to know who your girlfriend really is.

I don't know what motives the wife had for sending this, and I don't care. The message serves as a reminder of why I can't ever return to my ex. I'm finding it so hard though to keep from hoping we get back together. I know it wouldn't work even if we did, but I find myself hoping anyways... Hell, for all I know, she's still pursuing a relationship with this still married man.

I've never been this depressed before, and I'll probably be starting therapy this week or next: I refuse to let this tragedy to continue to define how I live my life.

Thanks for starting this thread; Even if nobody reads this post, it was still a good thing for me to write it.

[gRaViJa]

Also I apologize for posting for two times in a row, but I just wanted to note that I wasn't able to log into my account, so the post above ^ is mine, just done from the position of an anon.

Thanks for sharing your story. I did the same a while back and it really helped that i vented that. Good luck on your future and with your girlfriend, take good care of her.

[Valtameri]

Hi, I just finished reading the other posts in this thread and I'd like to share too.

(Didn't wanna quote the whole post) That sucks man, big time. You should forget thoughts of getting back together, doesn't do you any good in this situation. It's obvious she doesn't feel the same, and with that "let's get married -> dump you moments later", confirms it pretty much. At least that's the way i would see it, might be wrong.

I have hard enough time to trust people sometimes, this kind of post reminds me why.

Anyway, hopefully therapy helps you out there, take care.

[Shadow250000]

I'm gonna post here but I'm kinda still writing my post. (been slowly writing it for a couple days) Is there a limit to post length? Cause so far what I've written is pretty long lol

[micechasekittens]

I'm gonna post here but I'm kinda still writing my post. (been slowly writing it for a couple days) Is there a limit to post length? Cause so far what I've written is pretty long lol

Mine was a long tome so I'm sure yours can fit. I guess if it doesn't than just have a part one and two post.

[Beoran]

Ninjahotline,

Well, that sounds like a heartbreak indeed. From what you say your ex-girlfriend dsounds quite unstable, or at least conflicted and dissatisfied. It takes some maturity to try to fix things when your relationship isn't going well. Quite a few people will use a new relationship as an escape hatch from an old one that isn't working for them anymore, because can be hard to break up cleanly. As for the wife in your story, perhaps you could send her a sympathetic reply? She's been though the same as you and perhaps more. Seems to me she could use two or three kind words at least.

Shadow250000,

You can type your story up in a text editor and then see if it is allowed if you paste and submit it here. Feel free to go ahead.

[MoogleDee]

NinjaHotLine, That's gut wrenching. I'm not really sure what to say, but it's good that you're looking for help even in the form of a therapist. I really hope that they'll be able to help you.

I'm gonna post here but I'm kinda still writing my post. (been slowly writing it for a couple days) Is there a limit to post length? Cause so far what I've written is pretty long lol

Mine's offsite, either link it or post it here when you're all done :3

edit: Also, if it's too long, people might not read it. I think that's what turned so many people off mine. Either way, just remember to do it for yourself. Let everything out on the keyboard because you want to do it, and not because of the thread.

[danyo]

I'm still reading every post here, it's just I've been doing a lot of thinking myself lately, and feel like I shouldn't say anything, because it's hard enough for me to get my thoughts together already. Just wanted to make sure people knew that even if you don't get a response, it's read for sure.

[Beoran]

MoogleDee,

I just read your story too, it seems you've had quite a stormy love life to say the least. You may not believe this but I even envy it a bit. Compared to you my life was so uneventful, almost boring. I feel like I wasted a lot of time in my youth. Anyway, I hope it all turns out for the best for you.