Relationship Poll

[Axelownz]

I posted earlier saying how i tried, but it always ends badly, but all this talk of church does remind me of something. Youth Groups. If your young enough i think these can be a good thing, i was in a really awesome youth group back when i was in high school and made friends with some of the girls there, never dated them or anything since...well i had depression issues at that time and such....but it seemed like a good place if thats what your interested in. There were alot of adults in the leadership at mine too, all age ranges, so even if you were older its still viable.

Right now for me though, there is a girl i have seen around work that i think is cute. She doesnt work too far from where i can actually see her when we are working, but i can't talk to her during that time, due to the fast paced nature of our job. No idea where their work group meets before either, and i only see her while working....not sure how i would approach her though, just walking up to her while at her work station(wherever that is), her not knowing who i am seems too weird and awkward to me.

[pedrosorio]

I think there is a misconception that people who play VNs are lonely "permavirgins"

Not a misconception after all

[Nekken]

Since then I've learned that women will never love you for your qualities, or for something you worked hard for, or intelligence (which only seems to work against you when chasing women). They want a guy with a pretty face, nice clothes to show off in public, and a thick wallet to cover her expenses.

They are the scum of the earth, and they pretend like men are pigs. christ.

I mad? Yes, sherlock.

The only thing an attitude like that accomplishes is to push the decent women away. Seriously: they can sense it, and it creeps them out, and honestly, I can't even say it's fair to blame them like that. This applies the other way as well: the men-are-pigs folks manage to push decent men away from them with their own attitude.

I realize you've been hurt, and I'm sorry to hear that. But you've gotten yourself trapped in a cycle that feeds on itself: not an uncommon reaction, but an extremely destructive one. If you want to get out of it, the first step is letting go.

[Shilver]

I'll just pop in and say don't be afraid. Women are people just like us guys. Rejection sucks, I know it first hand. But what really shows your character is to keep on. Not every cute girl you see is the girl that you will marry. The best advice I've gotten from my friend is just be casual, this isn't no wedding proposal. Relax and talk to her like she's a real person, not some untouchable museum object. Sit back and enjoy the moment. If you connect, then keep on talking, get her number, Skype, Facebook. Believe it or not, not every girl only wants a pretty guy. It's like the stereotype that every nerd has huge amounts of pimples and lives in a basement. Yeah, sometimes it's true, but most of the time it's not.

I can't say I'm the expert at relationship advice, because my main relationship blew up in my face. But it's still good advice I think haha.

-

Me personally? Well, not many girls fit my description. I find a lot of girls cute, but personality is a big thing for me. Sadly not many girls are as laid back as I am, and their idea of video games is playing Call of Duty trying to impress you. Sorry Jessica, every girl that hears I play video games also magically plays CoD, it's nothing new. How bout some Skyrim? Katawa Shoujo? Age of Empires? Don't lie to me to try to impress me. Basically I won't be in another relationship until I find the one that fits my description. (hope this doesn't sound bitter, but I'm sick of finding girls that are so fake trying to impress guys.)

[Al]

The only thing an attitude like that accomplishes is to push the decent women away. Seriously: they can sense it, and it creeps them out, and honestly, I can't even say it's fair to blame them like that. This applies the other way as well: the men-are-pigs folks manage to push decent men away from them with their own attitude.

I realize you've been hurt, and I'm sorry to hear that. But you've gotten yourself trapped in a cycle that feeds on itself: not an uncommon reaction, but an extremely destructive one. If you want to get out of it, the first step is letting go.

By any chance have you looked up the term "Double standard"? There is a reason why treating a women the same as how you would treat a man is wrong on a fundamental level because men and women are completely different from how they think and act.

Plus if you put your complete trust in your spouse/gf too quickly and get cheated on you get sucked into a MASSIVE dry spell; you don't want that, ever.

[rydiafan]

i had three relationships in my life ... that flamed out ( now one time cheated on , the other 2 we just grew apart as lovers ... one is still a good friend ) ... now im at a point where i don't wanna relationship right now

[Nekken]

The only thing an attitude like that accomplishes is to push the decent women away. Seriously: they can sense it, and it creeps them out, and honestly, I can't even say it's fair to blame them like that. This applies the other way as well: the men-are-pigs folks manage to push decent men away from them with their own attitude.

I realize you've been hurt, and I'm sorry to hear that. But you've gotten yourself trapped in a cycle that feeds on itself: not an uncommon reaction, but an extremely destructive one. If you want to get out of it, the first step is letting go.

By any chance have you looked up the term "Double standard"?

Oh, believe me, I have. I daresay I loathe double standards more than most. And it was not my intent to apply one: my own post states that the same principle applies the other way. Of the women who wonder where the decent men are, for far too many of them the answer is "just outside the bubble you keep pushing them out of."

But the fact remains that the attitude you espouse creeps women out, and it should creep them out. Whether or not you would hurt them, the people who do hurt them almost universally hold a mindset not unlike your own, and so it throws a red flag. You can't hide it, and even if you do manage to hide it for a time it only makes the situation even creepier. There's a way out of that, but it means letting go, and fairly or otherwise, that puts the onus on you, because nobody can think for you.

Plus if you put your complete trust in your spouse/gf too quickly and get cheated on you get sucked into a MASSIVE dry spell; you don't want that, ever.

I wish I didn't understand your point as well as I do. But it doesn't matter. It never makes rational sense to trust another person completely. You have to do it anyway if you want a relationship to work, and that final leap is always going to be based on nothing but pure pathos. There's no way around that. Some care is obviously needed -you don't want to do such a thing with reckless abandon- but when you hold to rigidity like yours, that can't happen, and this isn't the sort of thing you can hide.

Yes, that leap is scary. Being brave doesn't mean you aren't scared; it means you are scared but you do it anyway.

[Grayjack]

I have never been in a relationship, nor am I searching for one. I'm happy being alone.

[Eureka]

I've been with another guy since October. Can't figure out why I enjoyed a game about girls as much as I did...

[DeleV]

I suppose it's the same reason why everybody else enjoys it. They're good stories with wonderful characters that seem to get under you skin. After all, it really doesn't work as porn. I wonder how many people were disappointed for not getting that.

[griffon8]

My tenth anniversary is in a couple months. First relationship that lasted more than two months.

We both had a healthy adolescent sex drive, but she was ashamed of it for some reason.

That's most often caused by religious guilt.

[Hitman3256]

My tenth anniversary is in a couple months. First relationship that lasted more than two months.

We both had a healthy adolescent sex drive, but she was ashamed of it for some reason.

That's most often caused by religious guilt.

Actually no, she was as religious as me (which is, hardly at all). She liked messing around and wanted to more often than not, and I found nothing wrong with it; she just restrained herself for...no reason.

[amentoraz]

I'm currently in a relationship, almost 5 years long, and KS is making me think a lot of things about it as I learn about myself. In fact I just had a conversation with her, because I've learned I've somewhat fallen out of love. It was a bit difficult, and when I confessed she was too shocked to even cry or anything, but all in all its been a good thing to talk about this before it turns into something that definetly kills our relationship. This way things might be worked out, and I'm not giving up without a fight. I love her a lot, its just she's become weaker and her force of will is not as big, and my impotence to change this rut has slowly turned into somewhat falling out of love.

I'd have to ask Shizune on how to inspire and challenge her!

[BlackWaltzTheThird]

I'm 18 and never been in a relationship. For most of my life girls never had any appeal to me. Then when they did (about 3-4 years ago) I didn't feel comfortable participating with my friends in discussions on the matter. Looking back I think it was because I was afraid that what I thought was different to what they thought and they would laugh at me or think I was weird. Moving on, in lieu of finding girls appealing I never seemed to be able to "like" them. It was always "Sheridan is a nice girl" or "Alyshia has curves in all the right places" or "Kayla has a fantastic ass"; not once did I think "I want to be with this girl". Those mysterious things called 'feelings' didn't seem to exist.

A few months ago, it hit me. I realised I had subconciously been doing things so I could spend more time with a girl, Eleanor, in my year. She's smart, pretty, nice, generally likes the same things as I... and single. "Well shit," I thought, "I think I actually like her. I want to be with her." I told her this. I even went on a date with her. But she had something to tell me as well. She was not interested in me, nor any other guy. "What? Is she a lesbian?" Nope, not even that. She had no interest in relationships or love or sex or anything of the sort at all; never did and "never will" apparently. The only reason she went on the date was because it was an opportunity to tell me without making a scene.

That really sucked. I spent a lot of time talking to Katya, a mutual friend, about what had happened. Kat had been shipping us for a while, and was surprised to learn the reasons she gave. Kat, being much more experienced than I in the ways of love, helped me through it. In time I felt the same way about her. So I confessed. And she told me she was as sorry as she could possibly be, because in her eyes I was a near-perfect friend to her, and "probably even a pretty fucking amazing boyfriend", but she couldn't see me as anything more than a friend. I wasn't what she found sexually attractive.

That also sucked. But having learned from last time, I manned up and got over it. And so I finished highschool, and Alexandra, an old friend of my group came back. By that, I mean that for the last year or so she had been involved with a boy in the year below us, so she spent most of her time with the Year 11s. So we spent a lot of time catching up, helping each other through our respective failures in the love department. I began to think that she would also be nice to be with. But this time I didn't say anything. We went camping together with two other friends, and as you do when school finishes, we were drinking. I got really drunk. Really really really drunk. And when I woke up the next morning, hung over like a mother fucker, she hated me.

I don't remember doing so, but according to our other companions, while I was wasted I said some incredibly innappropriate things to her (which I won't go into here), and made a right royal ass of myself. A mysoginistic, horny, arrogant, offensive ass. As far removed from 'me' as I could possibly be. And the way I treated her made her uncomfortable with my presence. I spent the rest of the trip sitting on the river bank feeling like shit, physically and emotionally. On the drive home, my mate Blake sympathised with me, but said I had been looking in the wrong place. "What? Where am I meant to look then?" He told me to get with Alison, his ex.

Alison and I have been pretty much best friends for the last three years, slightly more than the time they were together. I'd wanted to be more than that for a long time, but had put it at the back of my mind because she had a boyfriend - that is, Blake. But I know I can't be more than friends with her. I know all the details about their break up. In fact, I'd be willing to wager I know more than Blake does, sadly. And it's from all I know about it that I know Alison and I would never work, no matter how much I want it. I'm too much like Blake. I would inevitably make his mistakes and ruin everything. I can't bear to lose Alison as a friend, and if that means I can't have her as anything more, then so be it. I would rather do so than try something and run the pretty high risk that I'd screw it up and lose her forever.

Not entirely sure where I was going with my story, but here now I've said it. Maybe somehow saying it has changed something in me, I dunno. But it's all the past. I have to look to the future. And if I can help it, the mystery girl with red hair in my class at uni will have something to do with it. We'll see. (For the record, I've changed all the names in the story in case somebody on here knows us or even is one of us.)

[Shilver]

I know how you feel, atleast a bit, I'm pretty good friends with a chick. But I know we could never ever date, it'd be too weird for both of us. For many reason I really don't care to type, because it's very personal to her.

Good story man.