(So apparently "weekend" meant Monday to. Here is the beginning of act two!)
Act two: Moonlight. Part 1: Real Friends.
*SLAM*
A sound of a door being swung shut jolts me out of my sleep, and a quick gaze reminds me that I had locked my own door the night before. Damn neighbor, he was talking non-stop about the festival, and now he's going to be exploding with energy now that the day is here. Oh right... the festival. A part of me just want myself to be strapped to the bed and be stuck here for the day, but I know better then that. I NEED to apologize for the wrongs I had done the day before, and it's best to do it face-to-face. But I needed a game plan, so I decide to peruse over my mental plan to get my mind straight, all while getting ready for the day itself.
By the time I'm done drying myself off of water, I have a good idea of what to do. After putting on my normal set of school clothes, along with a new pair of white cotton gloves I got on Thursday, I head out straight into the fray of the festival. It's not packed, but pretty crowded nonetheless. I know my first target, and after a few scans and walks through the crowd, I find our stall, and the one I'm looking for. Lilly is working as best as she can with the rest of the group gathered there. I manage to get behind the counter, when the teacher spots me and walks straight for me.
"Hey, I told you that you didn't need to work given your condition."
"I know that..." I take a short breath before going on. "I just need to talk to someone here." Almost on que, I spot Lilly turning her head to our direction. Either I was talking louder then I think I was, or she can already figure out my voice from the others. The teacher nods and walks off, and a few seconds later Lilly takes his place.
"Kezukio..." I remain silent, preparing for whatever she might say. "I thought you would be one to apologize." A compliment on my kindness is rewarded with a smile from us both.
"I guess it really wasn't to hard to guess. But yea, I feel pretty bad about what I did yesterday. I tried my best to adapt quickly to the school, but I jumped the gun there and forgot what the school is really about, and what it means for her." The smile fades a bit on my part, but Lilly seems to be understanding my point. "But I wanted to apologize to you first, not only because you were my first friend, but also because you're Hanako's best friend, and I think I might need your help to apologize to her." Lilly's next facial expression shows her distaste for my idea.
"No no, Kezukio. I think it's best if you did this alone with her. I think if you approached her on your own accord without me, she would be more open to talking back to you rather then just going to me." Although her words speak some truth, something is getting on my nerves a bit.
"But this means she talked to you about what I... did." She sighs and nods.
"Yes. she did, and was quite upset with it."
"See, that's where I'm going with this. I already messed up things pretty badly with her just because I wanted to know her a bit better, and I just think going in alone will make her think I am just trying to be more persistent, like I didn't change. I want to change, Lilly, but it might not be something I can do alone. I tried pushing myself to be someone better, but... I went somewhere that I wasn't permitted to go yet in the process."
"Has Hanako always been shy?" The question seems pretty blank, but Lilly just nods. There few people in the classroom are leaving for the day, and both me and Lilly are just sitting and talking.
"When she found out I was blind, she took a better liking to me because I didn't judge her like the others. I didn't know how she was until she told me, but even then, I was polite about it." She too now stands and begins to pack up her belongings. With the afternoon classes over, I am currently hoping to get to know Hanako a bit better, unaware of how badly it would go.
"Like you can't judge me with my own condition. But that's not what I'm going for here." I take a moment to breathe before speaking again. "I just want to know Hanako a bit better, thats all." Lilly's face seems in thought, and at the same time we both rise from our desks.
"You need to be cautious, and patient. Hanako is not one to let her personal life free to someone she barely knows. A forward, direct approach isn't going to abide well with her." With my confidence of knowing who she is already going through the roof, I just pass this information off as repetitive. Oh, how I should have listened...
"Okay, I get it. I'll catch you later, Lilly." I begin to make my way to the door, a stride with every step I take.
"Bye, but do be careful..." Her final warning goes in one ear and out the other, myself already walking at a quick pace to the library...
"I should have taken your advice, so I thought that since you know her better then me by far, that you could help me rekindle with Hanako by reassuring her, or something..." Lilly looks away a, disappointed in my persistence to go with my original plan.
"You should just talk with her yourself, first. If thing's don't work, then I'll help, alright? I need to help run the booth here." The booth actually looks to be doing fine, but since it's still a bit early it can change. Now it's my turn to sigh.
"Alright. I will try on my own, Lilly. Best you get back to the booth then." The confrontation seems to have lost its original intention, and as she walks back to the booth after wishing me luck, I turn away from her a bit bitter. I know where to go next, and I just pray to myself that the rest go better then this. Some food should be good first, though. I am quite hungry.
-------
Out of the few times when I wasn't with Lilly or Hanako, and whenever she too was working on it, I would offer my help to Rin with the mural. I was foolish back then, now that I look on it. I was trying to do several things at one time to try and get along with almost everyone I met. Of course, it didn't work out and everything slipped yesterday. Today, though, was a day to change some things, even if they were minor, so still ready for anything that might come even with my already bitter attitude, I approach the girl sitting down near the mural, whose gaze sticks onto me once I come into her view.
"Hello." She seems bitter as well just from her voice, and her expression only adds to that.
"Hi. Do you mind if I sit here for a while? I need to eat this food." Her eyes narrow a bit, trying to read the face partly hidden by the sunglasses over my face, even though it's evident by the small bowl in my hands that I am trying to have some breakfast.
"A bit, but you would only come if you had something to talk about, right? That's what happened yesterday." Her dead-pan seriousness is something I still have yet to get used to completely, but in response to her statement I just sigh and nod, speaking as I take my seat next near her.
"Yes, yesterday... that's actually what I was hoping to talk about, because I'm really beginning to dislike what I did then. Unfortunately, the past is the past, and no matter how much I could try, I simply can't go back and change what I did. All I can do now is apologize and try to make up for it." Rin seems to be somewhat understanding, but I'm still walking on a tightrope here, as it has been with every conversation with her. It used to be for a mental workout and some fun, but now it's a little serious. Her response comes as I begin to eat.
"I didn't like what you said yesterday." She says blatantly. "And I still don't like them, the words that were spoken. If you're going to apologize, I dunno if I can forgive you."
"What makes you think that you might not be able to forgive me?" I turn my head to her, directly showing my attention to her. She thinks over this for a bit, then answers with a half-gaze.
"Whenever Emi apologizes to me for something she did or forgot, I can't tell if she's really serious about being sorry or if it's just a natural reaction for her. Like if sorry is just some word to use. " Now she looks at me intently, to give the statement forwardly. "I can't tell which one of the two you're doing, because you aren't acting like yourself, just like yesterday. Angry is the word, I think." I sigh a bit and swallow some of the food.
"I think yesterday has been the only day I
haven't been myself around you, which is why I wanted to apologize for that. Maybe after what happened, I shouldn't have ran to you thinking it would be fine once I was with you, as if you were some sort of a tool for me to use to get over something I had done."
Like a caged, sleeping beast, I keep my inner conflict at bay the best I can, but even with trying to calm down with Rin, my grasp on it is slipping. The air is dead silent as she works on the mural, and I eventually try to make some conversation to keep myself from loosing to my inner emotions.
"Do you like talking to people?" Weird, random questions always seem to get into the longer conversations. She shakes her head, still focused on the mural in progress.
"I don't understand people. And I'm bad with words. I never seem to be able to say what I want to say because what I say is never what I want to say because I'm bad with words." I try to not wrap it around my head and go for what pops into my mind.
"But you like collecting people." She nods. "For what reason, exactly?"
"Some people here are amazing, but not all of them." She frowns a bit, then finally looks back at me. "Sometimes people are really hurt about themselves, and it hurts others. I hope you're not like that, I wouldn't like that." I sigh and shrug.
"I guess for me, it's not that I don't like who I am in terms of my reasons for being here, but I don't like how I can act, sometimes." I already feel my inner, self-anger flowing into my veins, but I'm too focused on the topic to notice. "There are times when I act where I am not myself, or what people think of me as. What I don't like is how by not being myself, I can cause damage when I don't intend it. It's one part of me I wish didn't exist, but at the same time reminds me that I am a human too. It sucks." Her expression has changed to one of slight shock, but she's more or less analyzing me right now. Only now do I notice that my own expression has changed into one of anger itself, and my right hand ins clenched into a fist.
"I don't want to get hurt." She looks a little fearful of me, and averts her eyes to one side. "I've gotten hurt before, and I don't like it. You even look scary right now." Something small snaps, but its a snap nonetheless, and I am quick to respond.
"Look, I may need to explain myself better later, but I don't think staying with you is going to help me right now." I rise from the ground and get my bag, turning away and beginning to walk away. "Bye, Rin."
"Bye..." It's all she says, however faintly, before she turns to the mural, and I march back to my dorm.
My smile fades and I shake my head. "That's not a good way to think of people, in my opinion. We may be... unique in our own way, but we're all still people in the end, right?" She looks at me with a tilted gaze and a frown. Once again, my words have pressed some buttons on her, like the day before.
"I guess you're right, but I don't like that idea." She turns her gaze to the crowd, who are mostly going along their business. "Remember when I said people were confusing?" I nod, and she continues on. "That means everyone here is confusing. Everyone being confusing. I don't like that." She looks at me again. "It's like you, then." Now I need to defend myself
"It is true, though, but sometimes it might not be the person themselves." This gets Rin's full attention, and I think I know where I'm going with this. "I think it's a trait of people in general to sometimes not be able to express what they want to say or feel, when words fail us. That's where some confusion comes in; when we can't read someone. Of course, this comes from someone who likes to probe people's minds out of pure boredom and curiosity. And like yesterday, it has its consequences." I shrug a bit, and she seems to be thinking in thought.
"My brushes and paper understand me the best, I think. No, I know that. It's because they do what I want them to do, and it works out all fine."
"I could do the same for you if you asked." Er... that sounded bad. Curse me and my quick mind.
"I don't think our relationship is far enough that I can ask some specific things from you." Her eyes narrow a bit in my direction, and I quickly sigh and nod.
"Ah, trustworthiness as well. I keep forgetting to take my time, even though I'm usually patient. It's like I'm two different people sometimes, stuck in the same body. And yes, I know that's a condition, but I'm pretty sure I don't have that disorder, or things would only be more confusing." I smile a bit, to which she just shrugs, and my smile is short lived.
"Being two different people... it even sounds strange. But I guess I can be thankful that you're not like that. That would be worse then what you already are. That would be really bad." Like always, she is serious about this, and it gives me time to go over my own thoughts before I rise off of the ground, standing with my bowl now empty.
"Well, I'm glad I was able to dampen this, somewhat. You don't mind if I leave, do you?" She shakes her head.
"I'll be fine, I think."
"Alright, then I'll see you later." I state with a small wave.
"Bye." Her eyes go back after a while to the mural at hand, and I make my way back to the center of the event. Now feeling a little better, there's one last thing I need to do, which leads me inside the building itself.
-------
The further I make my way into the main building, to the second floor, the less commotion there is. Exactly what someone like Hanako would want on a day like this. Its too late in the day already to still be in a dorm, but to early to try and go somewhere else. The festival would be in its prime right now, and most would be outside. But I know enough of whom I'm looking for to know where to go, and it leads me to the library. I try to open the doors slowly and quietly, to not make a sound as I enter. I make my way inside, and head for that corner where she always is. Sure enough, she's already engrossed deeply into another book. I soon get close to her and try my best to relax my own body before beginning.
"Hey, Hanako..." My fear with Lilly becomes true, for even at the sound of my voice Hanako goes into a secluded state, curling herself up and pressing her book closer to her, sinking more into the bean bag. Her action alone changes my attitude. Damn it, I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but Lilly refused to help me. Now I'm stuck with a girl who doesn't want to talk to me, and I still feel the need to apologize to her about yesterday. Space, time and caution. That's what I remember, and I am already doing number one fine, still about eight meters away from her. Two and three and woven together a bit, and after some thinking I give it my best shot.
"I'm sorry... for yesterday... what I did was wrong, Hanako... I shouldn't have asked..."
"M-m-m-my w-w-what?!?" Her eyes are full of fear as we both reel back from my question.
"I thought that it would be something to talk about. Is asking about family too much?" She doesn't answer, still shaking uncontrollably from the original question I had asked her only seconds ago. "Hey, if you don't want to talk about it, we can talk about something else. I just-" I am stopped by her sudden movement of rising in an instant, and I slowly follow with her. "Hanako...?"
"I... I... I...." It's all she stammers out before she breaks, bolting into high gear and rushing out of the library in a full sprint. I'm left speechless, then slowly filled with self anger. This isn't good. I try to bottle up the anger and slowly walk out the library. Lilly is out of the question for assistance, since Hanako might go straight to her. Maybe RIn is at her mural...
"If you still don't want to talk, then that's okay. I just really needed to apologize for yesterday. I feel awful about it, I really do." My careful choice of words makes her ease up a bit, but I can tell in her head she's going over everything I had just said. All she does is nod softly, then go back to her book. I nod back and depart, but even if she acted like she accepted, I can still feel the uneasiness in the atmosphere.
Back to Rin, I guess.
) are totally not bad, but should be used, when you, the author have a use for them. And, take this with a salt shaker of salt. I have no experience in writing. If you really want things in a certain way, let it be. Just think about things. Aside from that... your story. You should feel good about it. I hope me writing this long-winded post helps you realize that. Cheers.
