Hideaki-kun Crash!

[themocaw]

Blame Otakumon for this one.

-----

An outside observer might wonder as to the low rate of tardiness among the female students of Fujoshi High School in the past two years. Was it because of the closeness of the school to the nearby suburbs? The high quality of its staff and faculty? Something in the water?

No. It was all thanks to the Student Council President's punctuality.

They gathered in their classrooms and behind bushes, a mob of papparazi in dark blue blazers and pleated skirts, holding digital cameras and cell phones in trembling hands. They whispered to each other in excited tones, excitement peaking as young men in blazers passed through the school gates, and subsiding as they found out that they were not the ones they were looking for.

Finally, success! A wave of swooning delight passed over the scattered crowd as the one who they were seeking to see finally entered the school's hallowed grounds! Witness his elegant features, once considered girlish in childhood, now hardened and matured into a kind of near-elfin handsomeness! Look at his short green-black hair, cropped short from the chin-length of his junior high school years, now touseled into a kind of careless aureole about his face! Behold his wire-rimmed glasses, perched upon his nose, glasses that girls from all over the school have fantasized about removing to gaze into his dark, mysterious eyes at length! Consider his slender body, toned from years of playing basketball, and say a eulogy for the countless pairs of panties ruined by imagining (a little too intensely), what it might look like under that dark blue uniform!

And consider all this in the context of his best friend, the Student Council Vice President, he of the great height and the broad shoulders, the star of the Kendo Team, he who towers half a head over that of the President. Contemplate the contrast between the two, and see how they play off each other: strength and delicacy, height and elegance, brash athleticism meeting cool intellect. Imagine, if you will, the countless lurid fantasies penned in countless spiral-bound notebooks as to the possible illicit goings-on in dark alleys and classrooms after hours.

If all this lust and fantasy could be channeled into powering a turbine, it is very possible that the current energy crisis would be over.

"They're out in force today, Hide-kun," Yoshi said. The tall young man had his hands behind his head, his bookbag held carelessly in one hand.

"Ignore them," Hideaki said. "They'll get tired of it eventually."

"You've been saying that for three years. I don't think it's happening," Yoshi pointed out. He suddenly grabbed Hideaki in a friendly headlock, causing at least three onlookers to nearly go into cardiac arrest out of pure delight. "Damn it! I wish I had half your appeal to girls! I'd be up to my knees in bitches!"

"It's irritating," Hideaki sighed. "I can't even get a girlfriend, or the fan club gets angry at her and makes her life hell. If I have a short conversation with a girl in the hallway, the next thing I know, the rumor all around school is that she's a homewrecking bitch who's trying to trick me into getting her pregnant so that I'll have to marry her. I've had three pairs of socks stolen already this year. Used socks. Stinky socks. Why do they even want those?"

"You're such a naive innocent. No wonder the girls like you." Yoshi grinned wickedly. "Hey, you want to really get them talking?" he asked.

"Wha--"

The kiss, when it came, was sudden and abrupt. Hideaki's eyes widened in shock as his best friend pulled him in close and engaged him in a surprise lip-lock. It tasted dry and a bit salty.

A sudden shriek of delighted alarm echoed through the entire school. At least three digital cameras were shattered under the tightening grip of lustfully startled high school girls. Somewhere out there, a man sitting at a computer spit his drink out all over the screen. Elsewhere, a deaf-mute college senior, lounging in bed with her boyfriend, felt a chill run down her spine and realized that, somewhere out there, something terrible (wonderful? terribly wonderful?) had just happened.

Hideaki pulled away from his best friend, eyes wide in shock. "What was that for?" he shouted.

"Just giving the girls something to take pictures of!" Yoshi said, grinning.

"That was terrible!" Hideaki shouted. "You're supposed to do it like this!"

The young man jumped up towards his best friend, threw his arms around his neck, and kissed him violently, caressing his back and shoulders. Six more digital cameras exploded spontaneously due to the sheer intensity of the speed at which their users were trying to take pictures. The entire faculty of the school felt an intense wave of lust wash over them. Somewhere out there, a man sitting at a computer pounded his fist against the desk, laughing hysterically.

[What's wrong, Shizune?] Hisao asked, alarmed at his girlfriend's sudden reaction.

[There's been a great disturbance in the Force,] Shizune said. [As if ten thousand fangirls screamed in delight and passed out in silence.]

Elsewhere, another young man at the computer stares at Microsoft Notepad, copy-pastes some text into a forum post, and goes out to get a beer and forget he ever wrote this.

[scott1and]

Trap yaoi, my sworn enemy, we meet again!!!

[alien.marksman]

Normally Yaoi makes my skin crawl.
But this piece of fluff actually had me lol'ing.

You prove your talents once again, themocaw.

[bradpara]

And the weird thing is, as part of my headcanon, I have Shzune as a closet fujoshi.

This, had me loling to, you're great.

[Otakumon]

Blame Otakumon for this one.

This is my first time being a muse, feels wierd. By the way, I don't pound on my desk when I laugh.

[Megumeru]

Somewhere out there, a man sitting at a computer spit his drink out all over the screen

Faq. Oh look at the mess....

Oh time to be an hero...where did I put that pistol?

[GG Crono]

You, my good man, have a bizarre sense of humor. Never change.

I, as they say in the vernacular, lol'd.

[CNB]

Behold his wire-rimmed glasses, perched upon his nose, glasses that girls from all over the school have fantasized about removing to gaze into his dark, mysterious eyes at length!

This is the exact point at which I lost it.

I love little gag stories like this. Well played.

[GaseousMask]

[There's been a great disturbance in the Force,] Shizune said. [As if ten thousand fangirls screamed in delight and passed out in silence.]

I can't breath

[encrypted12345]

Trap yaoi, my sworn enemy, we meet again!!!

Exactly! I know I shouldn't react but... NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

[Demonhornz]

Not into yaoi, ever, but...damn. Made me laugh.