Anyway, the main reason for me is Emi's story. It reminds me heavily of my own life. Even only a few people i know in real life know about this, but because of KS i felt a whole lot of emotions again that i hadn't felt in years. After a few days of thinking too much, i decided to write it all down. I know there are more of these kinda stories going around, but i just felt i had to, so bare with me
As a teenager, i was a bit shy, still had a decent amount of friends, but awkward when anything with a girl became too intimate. When i was 17 i had my first big crush. The girl was amazing: cute, outgoing and she really understood me. Quiet like Emi even. But that's not the point. I was having the time of my life with her, and in the summer of 2007 our relationship got more serious. I felt it was around time to inform my parents about it etc. For me that was a big issue because i always felt awkward talking about these kind of things with my parents. But just then, it happened. Something that scarred me forever. My girlfriend died in a car crash.
Damn, i'm still having a hard time writing those words. I remember i couldn't talk about it with anyone, only a few friends knew that we were together, but then i went to university and almost nobody knew about it. I never informed my parents about her and my new classmates didn't know me of course. I only kept contact with a few people from my high school and only they know, even untill today. During the first months of university, i endured the worst time of my life, i think it's clear why and i'm not going to elaborate on that.
Luckily i met some amazing people at university. Slowely but certainly i was able to give the accident a place in my life, to a certain level at least. But never did i tell anyone about my girlfriend and what happened to her. Just like Emi i felt like i had to battle this fight by myself. In the years after i never let anyone close to me, afraid of losing someone again. Dealing with such a thing again would be the end of me. And then came another girl.
She was a great person and for the first time i felt something again. Not sure it was love, but i did feel alive again. But as i said, i didn't want anyone to get close to me. This girl would do everything for me, she said exactly that to me. And what did I? I dumped her, like a douchebag.
The next 2 years i developed a normal life. I have some good friends, got a degree, hobbies etc. but only one thing was missing: someone to love. In all those years after the accident i never felt love. Ever. Then, i started playing KS, randomly got Emi's act and my jaw dropped when i saw the similarities with my own life.
After completing the route. I just sat down and thought... for days. About my life and everything that happened. I realised that i'm 22 now and that it's time to finally really deal with my past. Last week, i contacted the girl that was in love with me and that i dumped. I know she got a really rough time after that, but she recently found someone. I just had to explain why i was such a douchebag back then. So i told her all about it, just like i did now. It was difficult for me, but i felt liberated afterwards. She said she understands, or at least that she will try to, and she told me that i should visit my girlfriends grave.
After thinking about it for days, i decided i should visit her. I never saw her grave after the day of the burial, which is more than 4 years ago now. When i stood at her grave, i felt so many things. Most of all depression, to be honest. Instead of putting the past behind me, it felt more like i was going to be devoured by it again. Emi had someone to share her feelings with, but i didn't. God, i felt terrible, i just miss her so much, even now, still.
But during this last week, my feelings started to shift. I started to feel free somehow. Finally i can look to the future again instead of the past. Yesterday, i went out with some friends and i had a nice conversation with some girl without starting to think about how i'll have to dump her when she starts to mean too much too me, someday.
Now, i still haven't been in love since the accident, but i gave the past a place, finally. I feel like i CAN love again. I'm not saying that this is all because of KS, but the novel certainly was one of the triggers to start taking matters in my own hands again.
So, i really do thank the 4leaves studio for this wonderfull game (and Emi too, she showed me there's a life after such an incident). I'm going to play the other arcs as well, but maybe after a small emotional break lol ^^
