Short Alternate Universe... I guess you can call it a scene?

[Silentcook]

Sorry for the bump. I know it's considered bad form, and I hope you'll let that pass.

Nothing to do with the story itself, but just for the record: there is no official policy on our forums either confining all the output of one author to one thread or enforcing "one piece of writing, one thread". So, there is no bad form involved.

Concerning the story - pretty good stuff indeed.

[Minister of Gloom]

Work has begun on yet another scene, this time focusing, naturally enough, on Rin and/or Emi. It's all still in the concept level, but that's better than nothing.
Also, my dubious writing style notwithstanding, as far as the characters themselves go, is there anyone in particular you liked in one of the two last stories? why? I figured some criticism there should help me write some better ones into the next story. (plus, if I ever feel like writing more than one scene for each character, it may be useful to know which ones are more worth focusing on...)

[Mirage_GSM]

Well, I didn't really like your version of Shizune - even less than the version in the original VN.
I just can't stand that kind of self-destructive behaviour...

[Minister of Gloom]

Well, I didn't really like your version of Shizune - even less than the version in the original VN.
I just can't stand that kind of self-destructive behaviour...

That was the intention, in a way. I wanted the readers to feel a bit like Hisao is feeling, a head-of-desk kind of frustration you get when you speak to someone who is being incredibly stupid and just wouldn't freaking listen. People can be like that, sometimes, especially very proud people. (or someone who acts proud but actually has a very low self esteem, and these are almost as common)
I didn't try to make her unlikeable, though. Maybe pathetic and annoying, but not unlikeable. So that's something I'll have to work on if I ever write about her again.
thanks!

[Leotrak]

I didn't try to make her unlikeable, though. Maybe pathetic and annoying, but not unlikeable. So that's something I'll have to work on if I ever write about her again.
thanks!

I don't think you could've prevented Mirage's dislike of alter-Shizune, based on what he said. For what it's worth, I don't think you have to tweak the character at all. It's a pretty solid one, even if slightly on a suicidal course ">_>