The Night Before Tomorrow

[Aura]

This is, yet again, one of my writing sketches that I do for practice. As this theme has been explored many times before I thought I'd actually finish and post this bit to see what it looks like when I try to do it. Basically I was trying to find the middle ground between too cheesy and too plain (and maybe even too stupid), something that would work for me. It's up to the jury whether I fall to one side or another, or perhaps reach the place where I want to be. At best, it's rather run-of-the-mill anyway because of the somewhat lacklustre theme plus I strayed quite far from the original topic, but that's how it is this time around. I wanted to write it from the other character's pov but it ended up this way. Inspired by a certain song.





The Night Before Tomorrow


There are all kinds of good things to be said about sleeping in the same bed with the person you are in love with.

The warm, fuzzy feeling of skin against skin is not the least of them, nor is the quite natural and pleasant consequence of waking up from next to the person you are in love with. Sleeping, however, is not what I'm doing right now. Not even though the clock must already be ticking far beyond two in the morning and the deep darkness is forcefully beckoning my eyelids.

It's funny, really.

When she can't fall asleep (everyone, even her, has times like that), I never sleep either. We both lie awake with our eyes open, something I haven't thought as strange until it occurred to me just now. We just stare, so to speak, at the ceiling or each other in silence until the sleepiness finally takes over.

Vice versa, it is not a problem. Her eyes are peacefully closed and her breathing is even like it should be, but I just can't sleep.

The night shimmering on her lips and hair looks beautiful. It also conceals the worst of the faults on my naked skin, for which I'm glad of. Not that it matters to her, but I get a little bit of illogical comfort out of it anyway.

Besides, I'd rather keep on looking at her than dwell over myself. That way at least, I can for a while forget…

I don't think I have ever gathered enough courage to say it to her, but I've always thought the greatest shame in her lack of sight is that she could never see her own radiance.

It's a terrible way to think and she'd be angry with me for thinking like this, but still…

She is tall, beautiful, charming, intelligent. Indeed there are very few things she is not.

And I love all the things she is. The way she walks in the hallway, accustomed to the shape of the school so that it looks like she has lost her blindness, the way the locks of her golden hair fall, seemingly accidentally, to perfectly frame her face, the way she calls my name with that strange accent she never got rid of even though she said she doesn't like it.

"Hana..ko… you are beautiful. I love you."

Whenever she says something like that, not only it makes me blush without fail, but it also makes me so unbearably anxious I think my heart will give up on the spot.

But it doesn't, and so I have to bear the anxiety within me. What beauty can she see in me? Nothing, of course, is the simple answer as I am not beautiful nor can she see anything at all.

As that demoralizing double negative is the case, what right do I have to hear those words from her? I could never trust them, seeing as how I am constantly so afraid that I'm deluded, that this all is just a dream, a mirage of my heart.

She could bewitch anyone she'd want to and I have to admit, she has done so to me, either consciously or unintentionally. It doesn't matter. I'd do anything for her either way.

But still, she could have anyone. She doesn't though and preposterously claims that I am all she wants.

All she wants.

Ah, I can't stand this! I just can't get comfortable with it, no matter how hard I try to fake it. It hurts her, probably, but I just can't. Does she understand? I hope she can, even though I never talk to her about it and I never will.

There is no comparing her to anything. Words frequently fail me when I try to, so I've given up on that for the most part. She is just so…something, and we are possibly the worst possible match in all possible matches of the students in the school.

Why then, is she sleeping peacefully and bare naked right here, in my bed, next to me, her left hand affectionately, even possessively wrapped around my hip and bottom?

Even if this doubt will never fade from my heart, this night… at least I can spend one more night before tomorrow, hoping and believing that our love is not a dream

And tomorrow, I will wait for her to wake up so I can kiss her the first thing in the morning and be certain of it for one more day.

[Silentcook]

...If this is supposed to be 'run of the mill' and 'lackluster', I eagerly await the chance to read something you feel worthy of being called 'good'.

If I were forced to look for faults with a microscope, I suppose I'd grudgingly mention that the musing, despite being mostly stream-of-consciousness, is purely mental, without significant input from the other senses.

The microscope would really need to be electronic, though.

[Penguinmayhem]

;_;