
Though, I -am- glad to be mentioned as the latest fan

"Fine. Her brother is a bit...eccentric, but otherwise they're fine."
No, but as written above, Misha helped her practice. It's not as if Shizune has no vocal chords, she just never used them - until nowXuan wrote:Er, I absolutely loved this chapter but I want to confirm something: Could Shizune actually talk in KS?
I was just about to ask you to do that... thanks Kosher for the request!Extremist_Line wrote:However, at the request of kosher, I will be making a version of this for Hanako. Keep an eye out.
Its quite a tough choice as both of them are well written... But I have to give the point to Hangovers because it had more chapters, hence we readers saw Luke and Hanako's relationship develop over a longer period. This one was also great, but maybe a few one-shots or chapters showing the dynamic of their relationship i.e the ups and downs, Luke learning sign language etc would likely make it equal (or better) than Hangovers.Extremist_Line wrote:So, I want to know something else: Which one did you guys like better? This or Hangovers? Please state whatever your reason is for liking one or the other. I was planning on a poll for this, but it feels unnecessary.
Mmmaaaayyybbbbeeee.....Member22 wrote:Also, another minor suggestion... wouldn't Luke have already told his parents about Shizune over the course of his senior year?![]()
Actually, Hangovers and Past have the same number of chapters as long as you include the prologue and epilogue, and they take place over the same period of time: one week.But I have to give the point to Hangovers because it had more chapters, hence we readers saw Luke and Hanako's relationship develop over a longer period. This one was also great, but maybe a few one-shots or chapters showing the dynamic of their relationship i.e the ups and downs, Luke learning sign language etc would likely make it equal (or better) than Hangovers.
I don't see how telling me which one is better will hurt my feelings, assuming that's the question you're referring to.Anyway... Can't give you an answer to that question, EL. I don't want to hurt the story's feelings ">_>
Note how I said the -story's- feelingsExtremist_Line wrote:I don't see how telling me which one is better will hurt my feelings, assuming that's the question you're referring to.Anyway... Can't give you an answer to that question, EL. I don't want to hurt the story's feelings ">_>
The way I read it, it wasn't that his parents didn't expect Luke to bring home a disabled girlfriend. It was that they didn't expect Luke to bring home a girlfriend.neumanproductions wrote:You know, if my parents sent me off to a school for the disabled they probably wouldn't expect me to bring home a girlfriend either.
In this case that should have been a no-brainer considering the school they sent him to...I remember making the same objection in Hangovers.Extremist wrote:I sorta thought about that. I just assumed that Luke had told them he had a girlfriend, but didn't tell them she was disabled.Member22 wrote:Also, another minor suggestion... wouldn't Luke have already told his parents about Shizune over the course of his senior year?![]()
I've read about Shizune learning to speak in several Fics now. Though there are forms of muteness that are caused by a genetic defect, most deaf-mutes are unable to speak simply because it is difficult for them to learn to articulate themselves without hearing the results of their efforts and compairing them to others' speech.Xuan wrote:Er, I absolutely loved this chapter but I want to confirm something: Could Shizune actually talk in KS?
Sore wa himitsu desu.griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Joy, another plot hole to add to my collection.Mirage_GSM wrote:In this case that should have been a no-brainer considering the school they sent him to...I remember making the same objection in Hangovers.
To me it seems odd to go to a foreign school for over a year and not staying in touch with one's parents - even if they aren't on the best of terms. Also Luke seems to have returned to the US some time earlier. I know my mom would have grilled me for every last detail before we'd have gotten home from the airport![]()
Oh! Two plot holes in one post! That's a new record!What I find hard to believe is that a girl as determined and competitive as Shizune would not have tried to learn to speak much earlier. She isn't the type to just relax and continue to depend on Misha, if she had a chance to overcome part of her disability.
Eh, you've got a real point there. I guess it would have been a lot better to just have Shizzy leave that day and agree to be better friends with him. I just have a thing for the whole bed-sharing thing so I tend to try to insert it into as many places as possible.e.g. the respective scenes where Luke discloses his past: Hanako was already admiring Luke for saving her from Shizune at that point. Shizune all but thought he was a pervert by that time (exaggeration) and still this is the reason why she chooses to sleep over in his bed after she freaked out over a kiss the day before?
I really do need to see if I can get to work on another fic.Anyway, I liked both stories. Hope to read more of your stuff in the future.
Actually, that one is not on your conscience. Shizune hasn't learned to talk in official canon either. When I first read Act I, I thought that maybe there was a condition that rendered one both deaf and mute, but in a quick wikiwalk I learned that muteness is caused byExtremist_Line wrote:Oh! Two plot holes in one post! That's a new record!Mirage_GSM wrote:What I find hard to believe is that a girl as determined and competitive as Shizune would not have tried to learn to speak much earlier. She isn't the type to just relax and continue to depend on Misha, if she had a chance to overcome part of her disability.
I wanted to elaborate on that scene a bit more, but it was getting really late yesterday... uh, this morning. so:Eh, you've got a real point there. I guess it would have been a lot better to just have Shizzy leave that day and agree to be better friends with him...
The only justification I have is that Shizzy felt sorry for him and understood that he was simply desperate because he was shunned after the incident, and that she knew how he felt because she hadn't been in a relationship because of her harsh attitude. Sharing the bed could be considered a PG form of pity sex without the sex I suppose. And Shizzy seems like the kind of person who would do that.
Sore wa himitsu desu.griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
You sure about that? My...cousin's full name was published in newspapers when he killed both his parents and a neighbor that came to investigate. That's where I got the idea for the newspaper article.btw, the full names of the culprits usually aren't published in the media... maybe "Luke F." or something
I'll admit that I did rush, but I rush just about every story I write. I want to get past all the introductions and start writing the interesting stuff, you know? Plus I get kinda bored after I get a couple of chapters in. That's why there's like three half-finished stories in my archives.Maybe you rushed Shizune's story a bit because you wanted to keep the same timeframe you did with Hanko's?
Yeah, I guess that would have been better. Really, the whole reason that arc was added was to keep the story from being entirely just 'sunshine rainbows and flowers' happy, much like how I had the bittersweet ending to Hangovers (even if everything turned out fine in the end, much like here). I also really wanted to show this side of Lukeand myselfthat isn't really seen, which is that 'hopeless romantic' side, who desperately wants love but can't have it because of the incident. I guess that I wanted to make sure his angst was justified, so I went for it as harsh as I could. If I could go back and change this story, I would.At the end of the first date, Shizune gives him a hug, doesn't protest when he hugs back but then completely explodes when he tries to kiss her. That seems a bit over the top. In that situation, any rejection stronger than "Sorry, but no" (maybe followed by an aprupt departure) would be nothing less than bitchy - and probably enough to cause loads of angst in Luke. That way she could still consider him a potential boyfriend and he could still fantasize that she hates him - and the sleepover offer wouldn't be quite as jarring.
Yeah, I think you're right. That's why there's only a single one-shot for this, because I've already done just about every scenerio for a one-shot that I could do for this with Hanako. I guess it's also because Hangovers is the 'canon' story, since it coincides with kosher's Broken Dolls, so I don't see a reason to expand on this one.So the reason why Hangovers was the better story was probably because you wrote it first and used up your better ideas for it. It's difficult to write about the same stuff without becoming repetitive, but you managed to avoid that.