Tuesday, Day 5 – Deus Ingens Mentula (25 days left.)
(Author's Note: Alternating POV, Alternate Universe, Crack-Fic, Horror-Comedy, Katawa Shoujo Yami, Sexual Content)
Today, Shizune and Misha call me up to conduct student council business. Fortunately, the two of them are only judges for No Nut November and aren’t actual competitors, otherwise I would never win. So far, my streak is going off without a hitch, though I fear that victory will prove to be more difficult as I get into further into the month.
“Hello there Hicchan! Shicchan has called you here because today, we’re doing a demon summoning!”
Again? We’ve been doing this for months now. Whenever we aren’t doing actual student council work or covering up strange events, we do this. So far, we’ve haven’t summoned any demons worth remembering yet we still continue in hopes of encountering one that possesses great power.
“Another one?” I reply. “Remind me again why we’re even doing these summoning rituals when according to you and Shizune, a major accident broke out when you botched one of the summoning rituals designed to manifest a high level demon.”
“Oh come on, Hicchan, it was an accident.” Misha replies deflatedly. “I didn’t mean for all those demons to escape from the hell dimension and kill a bunch of students here. (sigh) I’m just glad that we managed to contain it before the demons got outside the school and gave us any real trouble.
I’ve had this conversation enough times to decide that continuing it is futile. I end the conversation and we begin the summoning. Misha takes out some blue powder and a container filled with animal blood to create a pentagram while Shizune watches her to ensure that the ritual is done correctly. A blue void begins to open up and I kneel before it, stare deep inside it and focusing myself on its center until I fall into a trance. The void swirls slowly before gradually picking up speed and then rotating furiously like the worlds fastest pin-wheel.
Before I know it, the light in the student council room dims and then crackles with light in hues of blue and cyan. Though Shizune is only watching us, her appearance feels eerie and unsettling under this light as it contrasts heavily with her raven hair, gothic make-up and naturally pale white skin. Misha’s appearance of blood-red curls, gothic make-up and naturally pale skin also appears unsettling under the fell light, though far less so than Shizune. The three of us watch as the darkness swirls all around us and grows thick like early morning fog.
Soon enough, I begin to see a shape forming within the void. It resembles a shadowy fetus at first before growing in size until it resembles an adult humanoid. My mind fills in the blanks, causing the demon to manifest as an attractive young woman with blonde hair. We all know exactly who she looks like.
“Wahahaha! Seriously Hicchan!? A succubus? Couldn’t you summon something cooler, like I dunno, Belial, Behemoth or I dunno, FREAKING BEELZEBUB!”
Before I can interject, I can notice Shizune smiling and shaking her head, causing her raven hair to shake gently. She then gazes at me with an intensity that has me convinced that she’d skin me alive if such a thing were legal.
I have no choice but to cast the succubus back into the void and it saddens me to do so. I steel myself because I know that if I’m serious about winning No Nut November, I must stave off all temptation that presents itself to me. I repeat this same summoning ritual for what feels like a very long time...
Meanwhile on a bus...
“Wait up man! Are you seriously telling me you want to fuck that guy? Him? Come on, man, Hisao is boring! I’ve seen those kinds of sweater vests on 50 year old guys in gay bars.” said Akio.
“Hey, don’t talk about Hisao that way, he’s cool!” I reply. Besides, I’ve made dumber choices in the past such as getting into a relationship with a woman and having sex with her! All it did was make me realize that women are life-stealing succubi who overrun a global feminist conspiracy!”
“Ah, I get it. It’s the sweater vest, isn’t it, Kenji?” Akio says, and I can swear he’s biting his bottom lip as says this.
“Nah, I just wanna fuck Hisao in the bussy.”
“ Bussy, eh? Fucking anyone on a bus does sound fun, but have you ever tried joining the mile high club? Now that’s where the real fucking fun begins!”
I consider it and I conclude that Akio is right. Can I really call myself a man if I can’t fuck Hisao in the ass for 6 hours nonstop on a plane flight? Nah, just the idea of having sex so high up makes me nauseous and I’m sure I’ll find some other place to take his anal virginity. Right now, in this moment, I need to formulate a plot to stop Hisao from getting past the second week of No Nut November. If he manages to beat me yet again and still win No Nut November, he’ll be the one who gets that sweet, sweet Infinite Nut Pass, and I cannot stand the idea of him winning it instead of me!
God, I hate public transport. Why do buses have to be so damn slow anyway? Perhaps if the government weren’t so preoccupied with giving feminists the benefit of the doubt for everything, we’d have faster buses and less time to sit idly by gazing out of the windows. But hey, all the more time to think things over and formulate a plot to ensure my victory and obtain the Infinite Nut Pass!
I think to myself and realize that in all the times Hisao has lost No Nut November, there seems to be a common thread. The student council? Well, yes, he's one of their members and there are suspicious goings on that I’ve yet to figure out, but I know that that’s not the reason why.
Oh wait! I remember. It’s Lily! Hisao always seems to be lusting after Lily’s blonde ass and he seems to get real weird whenever Lily gets all preachy about the Holy Spirit or whatever. Probably because he wants to be the Holy Ghost that comes inside her or whatever else causes Hisao to get all hot and bothered this time of year.
“Akio, my man, I’ve got a plan. One that might get Hisao to lose No Nut November!”
“Does it involve an army of the nation’s finest lady-boys?” Akio teases.
“N-NO!” I yell, before awkwardly looking around and feeling relieved that the bus isn’t packed with swarms of people. Ugh, I don’t like large crowds. Too many people make it hard to do anything without too many questions and you never know if they’re ordinary people or government spies looking to place a tracker on you so they search through your internet history so they convince their feminist overlords to approve drafts for more censorship designed to demonize us men just for existing.
“So, what’s the plan?” Akio asks, snapping me out of my internal monologue. “Are you going to get him drunk with whiskey and feed him pretzels before you ask if you can suck his dick on the school roof or something?”
“Wha- Nah? Even better! We’re going to steal Lilly’s panties -preferably used- so that Hisao will be overcome by lust and beat his meat to her moist mommy regions.”
“Ha, ha, ha! Moist mommy regions. Heh, Kenji my man, you’ve seem like you've had too much to drink again!” Akio jests. “It’s a great plan though! Lilly will never see it coming, and Hanako would never tattle on us if we succeed. We’ll do it!”
I’m so glad that Akio agrees with my foolproof plan to steal Lilly’s panties, but the manly picnic plan is far too risky. Surely my friend knows how difficult it is to get alcohol on school grounds without getting in trouble. That’s why I’m not repeating that particular plan again. Its far too dicey, and honestly, it wouldn’t surprise me if the student council confiscate any alcohol they find and drink it for themselves when then aren’t engaging in demonic sex parties every other week! Come to think of it, that probably does explain Hisao’s strange behaviour sometimes...
Meanwhile in the student council room...
After an hour of this arduous ritual, it finally, finally ends. I feel a throbbing headache and am also quite woozy. Despite my current state, the three of us are pleased as punch as we survey the results of our latest attempt at summoning a demon.
[“The results don’t seem too bad. While we have yet to summon any major demons, we have thankfully avoided managing to create another catastrophe.”]
I sign back to Shizune:
[“So why exactly are we trying to summon a high level demon anyway?]
Shizune looks at me as if I’m stupid, then realizes that I’m not as versed in this arcane business as she and Misha are.
[“Unlike the average demon or even high level demons, major demons have far greater power, and that power is something that my family have desired for generations. With this power, we hope to overcome our familial rivals and eventually change the world.”]
I don’t like this mention of changing the world. There’s something in her eyes when she signs it that makes it feel all the more menacing.
“Cheer up Hicchan, imagine how cool it would be to ride on the back of a powerful Prince of Hell! I can’t wait to meet him, Hisao. The Lord of the Flies is far dreamier than his title implies.”
“Isn’t Beelzebub the devil?” I ask. “The one from the bible that Lily often invokes?”
Misha bursts into laughter, causing me to grimace at my mistake. In contrast, Shizune is indifferent because she knows that my level of arcane knowledge is far lower than her own.
“Wahahaha! Wrong guy, Hiichan! Honestly, Satan is a real jerk! He thinks he’s all that because he’s the “prince of darkness” and he lives in Hell. What a loser!”
Shizune glares at Misha and makes a sharp gesture that involves moving her finger across her throat. I forget that we worship Satan in this room.
[“Anyway. This meeting is over. Tomorrow, we will be meeting here again next Monday to pay tribute to the dark lord and all that he has to offer! Aside from that, the rest of this week and the next will be dedicated to ordinary student council work.”]
My head still feels funny. I leave the student council meeting room and decide that I could really use a walk to clear my head. I stumble around the main hallway, getting strange looks from a few other students still up at this hour and eventually manage to make it out of the building. As the door closes behind me, I can feel the cool night air night air hit me in the face. The darkness of the night feels overbearing and intimidating in my current state of mind. Nevertheless, I continue my walk and eventually stumble into a strange, seemingly unfamiliar area.
Before I know it, I realize that I’m not alone and am in fact surrounded by several familiar figures dressed in peach coloured robes and purple mushroom shaped helmets. I talk to one of them, a man with dirty blonde hair whose robes are tanned and possess lavender blue accents and white teardrop patterns.
“Ah, a new member. It’s always a pleasure to expand upon our sausage party.”
“You have sausages here?” I ask. I must be starving, probably because demon summoning rituals take up so much energy.
“Ha ha. Goodness no.” replies the blonde man. “We aren’t serving any refreshments at this hour, but we’re glad you came here nonetheless.”
My conversation with the strange man comes to a close, and I swear that he resembles the school nurse but is probably someone else that I might’ve seen before. I look around the place and notice several members chatting amongst themselves. About what, I’m not too sure so I look around and notice a member who isn’t doing much. He has dark hair and is wearing glasses. His robes are lavender blue with elaborate white kite diamond patterns and he’s also wearing an elongated fuchsia helmet with a white jewel embedded on top.
“Excuse me.” I ask the member. “Can you tell me where I am? I seem to have gotten lost.”
The member looks at me.
“Of course I can. You’re looking pretty flaccid, my man. Stand erect when you’re in the Temple of the Purple Majesty.”
“Temple of the Purple Majesty?” I reply.
Surely I can’t have accidentally stumbled into the lair of some strange, underground cult. Right?
“Yes, the Temple of the Purple Majesty. Our glorious leader, known as The Purple Majesty is the one who shall harden us up as we beat ourselves off against those who wish to defy his diamond hard ejaculations. By coming here in this temple, we shall all emerge from flaccidity and come together in a grand climax where we share in his glory and become hardened members.”
“Uh… what?” I can only reply, completely baffled by whatever the hell this is.
“Our great girthy leader is a master debater, one whose oral skill cannot be matched! You will shudder with pleasure as you feel diamond hard in his presence, and you will come from this meeting as a changed, but very real man. Do not take him for a milquetoast chode incapable of climax!”
This man is clearly nuts. I have never see him chat so passionately about nothing before. Or maybe I have, I don’t really know at this time. I leave the man to his own devices and take a look around. After a minute or so, I manage to find another member, who has just left from the crowd of people he was chatting with and approach them to learn about this place.
“Ah Nakai, I see you are the newest member of our group of seamen. In this hierarchy, the lowest members are called Dick Heads because they have yet to come into their own. I see much potential in you as a new Dick Head and I’m glad that you came for us. The Purple Majesty wishes for you to attend the Semen on the Mount and he’ll happy for you to come again if you so desire.”
The man has an awkward but genuine desire to help. Kinda like one of my teachers, though I can’t seem to recall who. Despite the awkwardness, I feel more comfortable in his presence than I did with the other members. I also cannot help but notice that his robes seem similar to the blond haired man that I was chatting with earlier.
“So as… uh… a new Dick Head, when do I meet up with this Purple Majesty?” I ask, daring to shoot my shot and hope for a concrete answer.
“Oh speak of the devil!” the member who might be my science teacher replies gladly. “EVERYONE, The Purple Majesty is coming! Stiffen yourselves and shudder in anticipation for his hard, throbbing and girthy presence. No soft wienies shall be tolerated! Only hard members need apply here!”
We all stand firm, waiting for this purple majesty to show themselves for the Semen of the Mount. I can hear chattering amongst the crowd and one member yells:
“Play the smooth jizz! Our master debater demands nothing less than solid excellence!”
Smooth jazz (or would that be jizz?) begins to play. I swear that I heard it in a restaurant once. Maybe in a dream I had once where Lily was wearing a red qipao dress? Regardless of the origin, the smooth jizz fills the room, causing the atmosphere to swell in terms of grandness as await in anticipation for the Purple Majesty to rise.
At long last, the Purple Majesty arrives. He is a middle aged man with grey hair dressed in extravagant robes resembling that of a peacock with a grand helmet resembling a rooster’s head adorned with a white diamond serving as its beak. This large man seems oddly familiar but I dismiss the notion because I want to see what all this pomp and circumstance is all about.
The leader does a role call for each of the members by rank, his voice booming each time he speaks.
“All members of the Church of the Purple Majesty, rise for the Semen of the Mount. In ascending order: Dick Heads!”
I stand firmly along with several members, all of whom are wearing plain peach robes and purple helmets, and none of whom I can recognize.
“Cock Teasers”
Several members wearing peach coloured robes, purple helmets and lavender blue accents stand firm alongside the Dick Heads.
“Jerk Offs”
I notice the blonde haired man and the ersatz science teacher stand to attention, standing up with at least 4 other members of the same rank in their tanned robes accented with lavender blue and also white teardrop patterns.
“Grand Prick!”
The dark haired man wears his fancy lavender blue robes with white kite diamond patterns, and his elongated fuchsia helmet. He is the last member of the group to stand erect, and he rises with full intent to please the Purple Majesty.
“With all of our members assembled here, we are to welcome our newest member, Hisao Nakai. He has come to us tonight for the glory of God. Our passion for our lord and saviour shall not be understated, for we worship Him day and night. As the bible says, a good woman must spread her legs for her man, and we men must spread our cheeks for the Lord so that He may come inside us! Only men are [permitted to swallow the penis of God, for His cock is but the strongest one of all! For a man to swallow any other penis but God's and for a woman to swallow any penis but her husband's is a sin, and one that is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit! No man or woman shall ever compete with the everlasting ecstasy His penis provides, for it shall soon flood the world with cum. Cum is a universal substance. It is the life-giver for which we men provide! It is a word of universal application and one that commands obedience! When I say come, you will come! You will go forth and multiply for that is what our lord in Heaven demands!”
The Purple Majesty's speech comes to a climax, and his powerful ejaculation is reciprocated with the thunderous applause from his cult members. The Purple Majesty rests his gaze upon me, which is quickly followed by the rest of the church members, making this situation uncomfortable very quickly.
“Hisao Nakai, in order for us to finalize your membership, you must accept our blessing. Descend to your knees so that we may beat ourselves off in your name.”
I decide to do as the Purple Majesty says because surely it can’t be any worse than Jigoro’s Trial of Fire… right? Once I’m on my knees, all the members unveil their penises at take turns masturbating and ejaculating all over me before clucking and doing a chicken dance. After the individual member finishes their chicken dance, they leave and allow another member to take their turn and repeat the ritualistic process all over again. Now that I think about it, this entire premise here does seem familiar. I think I saw it in a porno that Kenji showed me once because I asked him for an example of “ultimate domination over a woman” or something like that. After all the church members have finished ejaculating, the Purple Majesty whips out his magnum dong and gives me a cocksure look as he too masturbates loudly and furiously before he climaxes, flooding my vision and drowning my face in his cum before clucking loudly and doing the same silly chicken dance as all the other members before him.
All of the members look upon me proudly and cheer my name as the Purple Majesty himself helps me up. After all the members pitch in to clean the semen off my body, they all greet me farewell before telling me to come again. I stumble out of the neon coloured temple and try to find my way back to my dorm room.
Meanwhile at City Miyagi...
After a long, arduous bus trip, Akio and I make it back to town. Normally, I’d be interested in going to town but now is not the time. I’ve got more important things to do such as carry out our new plan. I hate having to walk all the way back to the academy after spending hours outside because its so tedious, but its somewhat bearable today because we have a solid plan now. All we have to do is walk into the girls dormitory and break into Lilly’s room. By the time I make it back on school grounds, my legs are burning and I’m exhausted Akio seems to be doing better, mainly because he actually leaves his room most of the time unlike me.
“Is that Hisao?" I say to Akio, looking quite concerned as I watch him stumble around directionlessly. "We should probably go help him or something.”
“Relax man, he’s probably just drunk again.” replies Akio, trying his best to keep me focused on our mission.
“Again? The only time I’ve ever seen him drunk was during the school festival. Granted the occasion was complete ass but at least he didn’t fall off the roof and die. That would’ve been really awkward.”
“Speak for yourself, Kenji. I for one found the festival quite fun. Mainly because of the food, but come on man, I though it was fun. Maybe I should get you in touch with Molly Kapur during next year’s festival, eh?
Getting in touch with Molly Kapur does sound nice, but now isn't the time for musing on such possibilities. At this point, Hisao has disappeared and is no longer our concern which is good we’ve got a panty raid to conduct. After a few more minutes, my comrade Akio and I manage to make it into the girls dormitory. Now if only we can remember which door belongs to our esteemed Russian mafia princess, we might actually be able to make some real progress. After a moment of thinking, I approach a door numbered 225 based on a vague memory I had of Lilly going in there once.
I signal to Akio that number 225 is the place. The place where our panty raid shall begin. We break the door down and quickly make haste. Akio shoves me by accident and rummages through the drawers until he finds it. The treasure. Lilly’s panties. Lacy, elegant panties in blacks, whites and blues. Akio takes a pair and sniffs them before he calls me over and hands them over to me. Akio then quickly tries to return the drawers to their previous state before we leave the room. Once we close the door, I stuff as many of Lilly's panties into my pockets as I can, then let my right hand go free to high-five Akio and laugh to ourselves over a job well done.
I turn around and flinch. Fuck. It’s that scar-faced chick with dark green hair that hangs around Lilly all the time. She’s burning a hole right into my vision. How could she have possibly known that we broke into Lilly’s dorm? Hanako seems really angry and scary, like she’s the adopted daughter of some Soviet Russian colonel with electric powers, furiously accusing us of stealing Lilly’s panties. My good man Akio proceeds to ham it up dramatically in order to bail me out of trouble. I watch him lick Hanako’s facial scars before licking her tears and speaking in an exaggerated French accent.
“Margarine. I can’t believe it’s not butter! Your tears TASTE LIKE MARGARINE!”
Hanako looks scared as fuck. I on the other hand crack up, paralysed with mirth while holding a bundle of Lilly’s panties.
“If you won’t give me ze buttery tears I desire, then you leave me no choice but to give you ze dick butter!”
Hanako’s eyes widen in fear at the implications of Akio's dick butter, and think that maybe Akio is going too far with this. I look around and notice that Lily seems to be coming back. Shit. Do I tell Akio about this or do I take the panties and hope that Akio can fend for himself? Shit. Shit. Shit. What am I supposed to do? My mirth is soon replaced with paralysing indecision. Akio unzips his pants and whips out his croissant before screaming “IT IS A GROWER, NOT A SHOWER” as he begins to jerk off in front of the fear stricken Hanako and soon descends into rhythmic screams of “VIVA LA FRANCE!”. Lilly approaches ever closer. Damn it! As he reaches the climax, he yells:
“NOW YOU WILL SEE THE TRUE MIGHT OF ZE FRENCHMAN! VIVA LA FRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANCE!” Akio screams as he ejaculates.
I notice that Lilly appears to be speeding up immensely in response to Hanako’s screams of fear and disgust. I decide to hightail it out of here and dare not look back at the consequences of our actions. Godspeed Akio, you magnificent bastard, your sacrifice for our grand plan will not be forgotten...
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Developers Commentary
So my main concern with the previous chapter is that it might've been considered too short. However, it didn't want Chapter 1 to to be overly long because introductory chapters that bog the reader down with too many details tend to be quite off-putting for those reading this fan-fic for the first time (or even re-reading it).
Anyway, as for this chapter, this is where the plot actually begins and where things become more interesting. Unlike the canon version of Katawa Shoujo, one of the major things about this student council is that they practice Satanism, which I had introduced in Trial of Fire and will be a recurring plot point in this fanfic.
On a different topic, Kenji Setou (and by extension Akio Hayashi) are characters who are more or less villain protagonists who serve as a foil to Hisao Nakai in their respective quests to win No Nut November. This also allows me to brush up on my skills on writing different character perspectives and also writing in first person because most of my other Katawa Shoujo are written in third person. All of that aside, the dates I picked for each chapter weren't done so at random, its because I want the story to feel properly paced so that the gaps between days aren't too big and therefore feel haphazardly placed.
EDIT (06/11/24): Minor changes such as spelling/grammar fixes (i.e misspelling Lilly's name originally and also misspelling Hicchan and Shicchan and Hiichan and Shiichan originally.) are now corrected.