Alright, let’s do this one last time
Hello my name is Vincent and recently I have played and completed Katawa Shoujo. I heard a lot about this game and after playing snoot and wani I had high expectations for the "original 4chan shitpost taken too far"...the game.
Safe to say that with a few exceptions coughmishahanacough and some personal problems I may have, my expectations were blown out of the water and I wanted to write something after I was done...problem.
Anything I could think of has already been done a thousand times over with varying levels of quality some of which I’m reading as I'm writing (stealing who's stealing? I prefer inspired...and maybe vindication).
Eventually I narrowed on to two Ideas I hope to at least get started...
The first is this one. A one-shot fanfic that was inspired by the art piece "Happy Memories". Essentially, I want this story to end up where the art piece is while of course taking many creative liberties since the art implies, Hisao took a bunch of pictures of all the girls, Yuuko along with the nurse, and himself and that has a bunch of implications that most definitely shaped this story.
the second one is a retelling of the game but...well does anyone know about Katawa Shoujo Kakutou? you don't? There's a reason for that. Also ever heard of The World Ends With You? Play it, the games are good and yes, they are a big influence on both stories and the themes I want to convey...and Lies of P too...ok I’ll stop. (I posted a little snippet some time ago so check it if you want; it’s called Seasons of the Heart)
to put simply this fanfic will be short, BITTERsweet, and hopefully effective. I said in the previous iteration of this post that I wanted to pour my love for this game into writing.
I’m going to rephrase that. I want to pour my feelings for the game into writing a lot of which is very personal and hopefully by finishing this story of a possible future I can put those feelings to rest.
Act One: Katawa Kizuna; A Familiar Beginning
Scene - I think this was the same way it happened...(...Show me how)
I find myself in a park near the school, the cool winters air brushing against my skin while all of the snowflakes fall around me as they pile up beneath my feet. I see the forest the park is connected to, the canopy of trees looking so serene despite their lack of green leaves. I feel as though the trees themselves are waiting for something just as I am, waiting for the seasons to change so they can go back to how things were, when there was rain instead of snow, when there was hot instead of cold, when there were people willing to enter the forest and go through all of its winding paths to see something you can only find in nature. A beautiful picture when the light hits just right and the water sounds so nice.
But...“going back to how things were” that’s not actually right is it? Seasons don't repeat themselves exactly. The trees may regain their leaves, and the forest might brim with life again, but it won’t be the same as before. Nature doesn’t rewind; it moves forward, and so do we, whether we like it or not. The snowflakes once settled will melt away, and what’s left is something new...something changed. The old life passes on to make way for a new life.
I shake my head, I’m just overthinking things.
The reason I’m here is simple, I got a letter in my locker that told me to wait in this specific place so they can confess their feelings. Honestly, I’m surprised people still do this, but I guess if they’re the nervous type this might have been the best option for them.
“I really hope this isn’t a prank” I say to myself, thankfully there’s no one around since most people went home already as school got canceled early. (something about a “crazy person”)
I started to ponder whether or not this was even worth my time, but before I could deliberate further, I heard snow being crunched under careful footsteps...
They sounded weird...slow...and there was a... third footstep?
I finally turned around to see...
“Mei?” I said surprised
“h-h-h-hey H-H-H-Hisao" she said as she walked up towards me tightly clutching her crutch as she did so.
So, the person that wrote the letter was Mei Izumi, a classmate of mine at the Yamaku Foundation high school.
I’m quite surprised it was her of all people that wanted to confess to me. Sure, we’ve known each other for about 2 years, yet never once did she ever express any kind of interest in me.
“y-y-y-you actually came...I’m s-s-so glad a-a-and sorry I-I-I’m late” she said clearly trying to lessen her stuttering something only made harder by the cold and possibly high levels of nervousness.
“it’s fine, pretty sure I came a little earlier than I should have but can you blame me? This has never happened to me before” I said in a joking manner trying to lighten her mood since the expression on her face is very serious yet rather sullen.
Yeah, no shit Hisao if this was a prank like you thought earlier, she would’ve said a bunch of rehearsed cliche lines to distract you so someone else could pull the rug under you. Throughout all the years you’ve known Mei, a malicious prankster she is not.
Evidence? She is shaking right in front of you clearly working up the courage to say what she needs too and... oh no.
She starts to look down or maybe it’s shutting down? Either way it’s because she can’t handle this kind of situation. Man, this hurts to see she’s really trying hard, but what can I do? Oh, I don’t know dumbass, maybe you should move this somewhere else? That’s an idea.
“Hey Mei, before we say or do anything else let’s go someplace warm and then-” before I could finish my sentence, she immediately jerks her head back up.
“n-n-NO!!!!!”
Whoa! I’m taken aback. I’m pretty sure she has never raised her voice at all over...anything, but then she stares at me with what seemed like a renewed resolve, and I stare back at her. She’s quite pretty, all things considered, with her Hazel eyes, orange/red flowing hair, the yellow scarf wrapped snuggly around her neck, and the purple overcoat that hides the green Yamaku uniform.
Then there’s me with various shades of blue on my coat and scarf...I need to go shopping sometime. Eventually she speaks up...
“It has to be done here b-b-because no one else is around, a-a-and you're the only one th-th-that needs to hear my feelings.” she says, her breath visible in the cold air as she reorients herself within her mind.
I stay silent waiting for just that...
“Hisao Nakai...w-w-w-WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME!?”
...
“ok”
“sigh I u-u-understand th-thank you for...” Mei's eyes widened, her lips parting slightly as she just stops herself.
“I’ll be honest Mei I don’t know how I feel about you despite everything we’ve been through, so I thought instead of rejecting you outright let’s just see if this can work out...if you want too of course.” I say using my hand to scratch the back of my head
I immediately feel dumb at that last point, of course she wants to Hisao she literally just confessed to you, but there’s always a chance she might chicken out and things will only get worse from there, so maybe I’m giving her one last chance to reconsider her feelings or to try something else.
Though her mind already looks made up.
“Alright m-m-maybe it’s too early to start calling us a couple, b-b-but I’m glad you’ve accepted my feelings” she says walking towards me looking a little out of it like a big weight is off her chest...don’t...even...dare...
“Yeah, actually let’s go on a date right now. Since school ended early, we’ve got time” I say walking towards her while also trying to force out my impure thoughts, not really paying attention to my surroundings while she also walks to me.
“gasp th-th-that would be wonder-AGH!!!”
I don’t know how (probably hit a rock hidden in the snow), but Mei tripped and started to fall and immediately I snapped back to reality and went to catch her which resulted in her head hitting me square in the chest...hard...
BUMP BUMP
I can hear my heart beating rapidly
“ergh!! Dammit!” I could barely say that
My chest feels like it’s on fire.
“h-h-h-h-h-h-Hisao!?”
I can hear it ringing in my ears.
Breath in...
Focus...
Breath out...
Repeat your mantra...
You took your medications, you are calm, you are fine, you’ve done this before, and you can do it again.
Woosh
Nothing, the beating has stopped...good, now for the blubbering mess
“ImsosorryIdidntmeantocausethaticantbelieveimsostupidyoumighthavediedanditwouldhavebeenmyfaultandiwouldntknowwhattodoandijustconfessedtouyoupleasedontleavemeIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouI-”
“MEI!” I yelled maybe a bit too loudly
She too snapped out of whatever she was going through and looked up at me with tears in her eyes not realizing that I’m holding her and were on the ground on our knees.
“I’m fine, see?” I gesture to myself while saying this, probably looking a bit arrogant. “you gave me a shock, but it was never going to kill me unless I MYSELF made things worse and at most I might have just passed out.” Smooth Hisao as if that’s better than just dying outright, what else can I do?
“Come on get up” as I say this, we stand up while Mei picks up her crutch “see all better like nothing happened” she grimaced a that since well...something just happened even if there were no adverse effects.
“uh um...d-d-d-d-d-do you still w-w-want to go on the d-d-d-date" she said still looking very shaken
“yes” I said
She seemed hesitant, but I just smiled, and she smiled back.
We make our way to the bus stop outside the park, and I see she has a wheelchair parked there. She immediately sits down looking very relieved which makes sense, probably psyched herself up a lot so she could finally confess to me, and it almost went wrong (in her mind).
I on the other hand think to myself why she even has a wheelchair since in all our time together I’ve never seen her with one as she walks around the school all the time despite the limp. (and that one time she was carried to the beach...)
She sees me staring and explains “I d-d-don’t like to use this m-m-much especially a-a-around our group but f-f-for this year it’s just e-e-easier for me to-”.
A put up my hand up to stop her
“Your reasons are yours alone, and while I want to get to know you more let’s save our...’problems’ for later” while I say this, I get behind her and start pushing the wheelchair.
“u-u-u-u-u-uh you don’t have to!” she says blushing a bit and waving her hands erratically trying to lightly push me away
“I know but I want to” I say with probably the smuggest grin I’ve had in a while
Hopefully she doesn’t take this as pity or something, she needs to recharge, and I want to take her somewhere, so this works out.
Time passes
Scene – A Starlight Speed Date (Some things abt me)
It’s nighttime now, and though we’re cutting it close, we’re not quite past curfew.
We find ourselves at a literal and figurative crossroads. The road in front of us splits, leading home in opposite directions. But as the streets diverge, so do my thoughts. I’ve come to like Mei more than I expected, but I still haven’t decided how I truly feel about her. And while I hesitate, Mei doesn’t press me for any kind of decision. Odd, considering how intense today has been.
“Can you make it home by yourself?” I ask, my hand still holding hers.
She nods, blushing faintly shifting a bit in her wheelchair. “Y-Yeah, m-my parents are p-p-picking me up halfway. S-s-sorry to cut things short.”
Her hand tightens around mine, and I feel it too—a reluctance to let go.
“If this was a short date," I smile, trying to lighten the moment, "what’s a long one?" My voice drops to a mumble as I glance away. "You sure they’ll meet you halfway?”
She nods again, her blush deepening.
Flashback
Our date wasn’t really anything special, first I took her out to lunch since we were both hungry after today’s events, so we just got some ramen, not the most romantic of lunches, but she ate quite a bit, way more than me.
Afterwards she wanted to show me more about herself, specifically where she and her friends would go for fun and to my surprise it was the mall of all places.
I pegged her (kek) as an introvert and for the most part that’s true, but there we were in the middle of a busy outlet going through the shops, eating more food cause apparently, she skipped breakfast (3 guesses as to why) with her favorite food surprisingly being Tempura of all things, and then we went to a shoe shop where I found out her shoe size a small 6.
Later we went to a specialty shop full of tokusatsu merchandise and is here where I found out she is a MASSIVE super sentai fan, she even likes the American adaptation power rangers saying “It’s so inspiring and amazing telling a new story with existing material” according to here you have to be very creative to do that and of course she told me her favorite color/rangers were usually the red and yellow ones...although blue is a budding favorite (she said while looking at me).
At some point we played some arcade games in where I found out she’s disarmingly good at shooters (despite never playing them before) and absolutely demolished me at those master of drums games leaving me in the dust (she REALLY likes the music from that thing).
It may have seemed mocking when I wanted to play some dance dance revolution to restore my...completely shattered ego, yet when I suggested it, she was absolutely giddy at seeing me “bust a move”. I won’t lie I’ve played at this machine countless times practically mastered every song and have found ways to look as “cool” as possible in front any onlookers or my friends (usually Ryo or Eiko), but when I started to pick a song there was this...apprehension I haven’t felt in a long, long time. I don’t know how to describe it, I just felt like...if I had messed up my “performance” as it were in front of her the lyrics to the song, I had just picked would come true in my own life.
That sounded dumb as hell when I thought that, but it didn’t help that I knew the translation of the lyrics thus adding to my unfounded paranoia. Then I saw her face...man she was just beautiful, her lips creating a beaming infectious smile, a smile that said, “I’m having the time of my life with the boy I like...the boy I love”. I froze once again at that thought remembering the outburst she gave when I had my little flutter and some of the words, she said...
Then I pressed start.
(Now playing- CAUTION; DON’T BOTHER ME)
...
PERFECT! The machine sounded off, I wanted to lie down in exhaustion even though the song I picked wasn’t all that stressful, if anything it was more of a practice song. After I finished “recovering” I finally turned around and found myself in the middle of a crowd all of them clapping over my accomplishment, guess it’s been a while since I’ve done that, and it felt good to be acknowledged. Eventually Mei came up to me from her wheelchair and kissed me in the lips an action I did not push back against in fact I embraced her which led the crowd to go from applauding to cheering.
Afterwards we went to the movies, I don’t remember what we watched other than it being an anime shonen drama and this weird “X” over people’s faces which I think represents something.
The rest of the date was spent talking about her mostly, usually some random things like telling me about her love for sketching mostly characters from games, anime, and of course the toku stuff and how she's been thinking about becoming an illustrator one day. When she mentioned that I began to remember all the times her and Ryo would hang out with each other even though their “art” are two different mediums... hm, maybe it’s a friendly give and take where one inspires the other with something.
She told me about a some Nicknames she uses like Aki and Minami though she didn’t reallyh like them for...some reason.
When it came to pets she has a rather strange one...or ones to precise...as in she’s really into insects...a variety of them too... stuff like butterflies, beetles, and stick bugs. Supposedly they’re low maintenance pets and are interesting to watch and raise.
We also talked about how she never liked crowds and how she felt safe when she was around the right people. She told me that hanging out with me at the mall, despite the noise and busyness, felt different yet better. More comfortable.
Overall, it was pretty much your standard first casual date, and it was quite fun all things considered.
Unfortunately, I can’t say our date was an entirely positive experience. People stared at us the whole time—well, stared at Mei, to be exact. No one said anything, but the looks got under my skin. Sometimes they were stares of pity probably out of genuine concern, but I’m sure no one really likes that look no matter the context. Other times they were stares of annoyance like all of a sudden, they had to watch their step around her since she could fall at any moment when she got up or if they spoke to her, they’d have to deal with her stuttering.
Very few were stares of disgust, usually from those who seemed very dismissive of someone like Mei probably think I’m wasting my time going on this date with her instead of with someone more “healthy” or “normal” not knowing anything about me of course.
Tch! Hypocrites all of them... I didn't know if Mei felt any discomfort or even noticed such things, probably too busy having fun with me...
Eventually we had to leave because her parents called to make sure she was okay and since our homes were quite far, we had to go now.
Back to the present
Now, here we are. Still holding hands, standing in the cold night air underneath the moon and stars, neither of us wanting to leave.
“Y-you’ll see me tomorrow, r-r-right?” she asks softly, her voice trembling more from nervousness than the cold.
“Always,” I say, giving her hand one last squeeze...
Yet just like that...separated as we “walked” our own ways.
While walking across the straight road, my mind spins. The date was fun, but there was a sense of urgency in Mei's actions, like she was afraid this might be her only chance. I don’t know if I’m imagining it or if she really feels that desperate. Maybe it’s nothing...Maybe it’s everything...
I look up to the sky above and see all the lights fill up what’s usually the empty sky. Now, the stars spill out like diamonds across the velvet night, filling the vast expanse with light and possibility.
Heh, when did I get so poetic? Probably because-
Woosh
“Brrr” A chill runs through my spine thanks to the wind...
Eventually I make it home hoping the warmth will calm me down and maybe give me some answers. Because I really need them...
Scene – Can’t sleep love
I enter the house hoping-
“HISAO!!!” yelled my mother from the living room, welp so much for her being asleep.
I make my way there seeing her on the couch along with grandfather. “Well well well, what have we here? It seems like my little boy has decided to play hooky today almost past curfew too” my mother said, her fury barely contained.
“Now, now, Hina,” my grandfather interjects, his voice calm. “Let’s hear him out before we jump to conclusions.” He’s always been good at keeping situations like this from exploding—mainly when it was my parents going at it. Not working right now though.
“Oh, I’m all ears then” mother says, leaning forward, eyes locked on me. “So, what were you up to all day, young man?” she questioned, confident that my excuse would only add on to whatever punishment she’s already cooking up.
I remain neutral in my expression and mannerisms. On the one hand it is my fault for being out so late without telling them (not that I could—my phone died hours ago). On the other hand, I get the feeling that what I’m about to say might get me off the hook.
Staring at my mother and grandfather, I take quick note of their appearance, my mother as usual is wearing a white tank top and her favorite hot pink women's short, her hair is the same as mine and grandfathers (when he was younger) though she cuts it shorter than ours with it being messier, and her piercing eyes are the kind that can cut you down to size by just her sheer glare alone. The only people that can withstand it being me, grandfather, and father. (apparently that’s one of the reasons of how they got together...don’t ask)
Grandfather by contrast is more...modest in his appearance if a little bland. He wears a brown overcoat and under it he’s wearing the same brand of the blue sweater vest he’s had since high school topped off (or bottom) with grey pants. I’ve heard this look is considered cool by a lot of people, but I’m...unconvinced. Since he’s old his hair has gone grey with barely any brown to be had and he has to wear glasses to see even half well. Despite this he’s very muscular for someone so old since he keeps up his workout routine. (doesn’t run anymore though)
“I’m waiting” mother says taking me out of my thoughts. Might as well just go for it.
“I went on a date with a girl” I said plainly for that was the honest truth.
Mother and Grandfather just stare at me...
...
“Can I go to my room no-”
“WHAT!?” Both of them yell out...sigh Seem's the night is just getting started.
Time passes
Scene – Leaves from the vine
For what feels like hours, I sit at the dinner table, cornered by my mother and grandfather as they ask question after question about my date with Mei. The worst part is, I don't even have much to tell them. Sure, I've known Mei for a while—since my first year at Yamaku, actually—but even after today, I can’t say I know her much better than before. Most of our time together was in a group. We never had moments alone like this.
I hung out with Ryo, Chihiro, and Eiko—”the loud”, reckless ones a lot. Mei, on the other hand, sticks with Naomi and some other quieter girls (save for one). The kind who doesn’t jump into trouble because someone dared them. Honestly, it's a miracle I’ve survived some of the stunts we've pulled.
Akemi? She’s the glue that holds the whole group together, reigning us in when needed.
Pam? Well, he’s just… Pam. I have no idea how he fits into any of this or even the other two.
But now, none of that matters. All I can say for sure is that I like Mei. She likes me, too. But there’s this nagging doubt—why does she like me? And how much do I really like her?
Just as I start to get lost in my thoughts, my mother lets out a “dramatic sigh”. “Waaaaahhh, I can’t believe my darling boy is being taken away from me by some foreign—” She barely finishes the sentence before taking another swig of her beer. I wince, and grandfather grimaces. She’s not even coherent at this point as she plops her head on the table.
Grandfather breaks the awkward silence, shifting the conversation. “So, where did you say she’s from again?” He takes a sip of tea, clearly trying to steer us away from mom’s ramblings.
I shift in my seat. “She’s from Japan, Grandfather. It’s just her hair—it’s rare here. I think Mom’s mixing her up with Naomi.”
He nods slowly, deep in thought. He’s got that far-off look on his face again—the same one I have. Is this really what I look like? I should probably work on that.
“Ahem. Anyway, when are Father and Grandmother coming back? They’re still on their scouting trip?” I ask, trying to break the silence.
Grandfather chuckles, his eyes twinkling. “Oh, they just found a nice little lakeside spot. But I won’t spoil the surprise.” He grins, acting like it’s the biggest secret in the world, though I know it’s for another one of his reunions.
“Enough about that. Let’s talk about you, Hisao.”
“M-Me?” I stammer.
“Yes. You seemed... uncertain earlier, talking about your date. You were hoping I’d have the answers to your concerns, weren't you? Until your mother derailed the conversation, that is.” As if on cue, Mom stirs, but thankfully doesn’t wake up this time.
I sigh, nodding. I tell him how I felt like Mei might be rushing things a bit, and how I’m still unsure of my feelings despite how close we’re getting.
Grandfather leans forward, his eyes narrowing thoughtfully. “You want to know the real problem?”
I nod, expecting some kind of revelation.
“The problem isn’t Mei,” he says slowly. “It’s you.”
His words catch me off guard. I blink, not sure how to respond.
"You see, you're caught between what you think you should feel and what you actually feel. You're so worried about getting it right, you're not letting yourself simply experience the relationship. You're holding back because you're afraid of making a mistake."
I blink, unsure of what to say. "But... what if I'm wrong about her?" I manage to ask.
He chuckles softly. "You won't know unless you let yourself fall a little. Relationships aren’t about certainty; they're about taking risks, being vulnerable, and allowing yourself to feel—even if you don’t have all the answers. That’s what builds closeness. Now, the question is are you willing to let go of control a bit and see where it leads?"
His words hit me harder than I expected, and I realize he's right. "But I do like her grandfather, maybe more than I think"
Grandfather smiles knowingly, his eyes crinkling at the edges. "Ah, there's the truth peeking out," he says softly. "You like her, and that's where it all begins. Maybe you're scared of how much, or maybe you're not ready to admit it to yourself just yet."
I shift uncomfortably in my seat, feeling the weight of his words. "But what if... what if it's not enough? What if I can't figure out how I really feel?"
He leans back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest. "You’re overthinking it, lad. Feelings aren't a problem to solve. You don’t need to ‘figure out’ love. It’s something that grows naturally, over time, through shared moments and trust. Don’t rush it. You’ll know when it’s right, and if it’s not, well... you’ll know that too."
I nod, trying to absorb what he's saying. "So, I just... let things happen?"
Grandfather chuckles. "Exactly. Stop trying to control every outcome. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is let yourself be surprised." He gets up after saying that he puts his cup in the sink and starts throwing away mom’s bottles. “I won’t lie to you though; things may take an unexpected turn through no fault of your own or anyone’s and eventually you will be faced with a choice.” He walks up to me looking very serious like he’s done this before and motions me to get up.
“When you are in this situation do not be overwhelmed, first you breathe, then you think, and then you use this...” he touches my chest, my heart, my scar...and then I put my hand over it, feeling it’s rhythm.
His words sink in, and for the first time in a while, I feel a small sense of relief. Maybe he's right. Granted that last thing he just did was probably the cheesiest thing I have ever seen or heard but I got the message. First, I calmly and rationally think about the situation I’m in ,after that I take in the feelings of not only myself but also of others and in this case the person I want to be with, with all of that put together the answers will appear before me and I chose the “right one”.
I hope it’s the right one...
YAWN
Crap I’m sleepy...
“Get some rest kiddo we’ll have more to talk about” said Grandfather already starting to carry my mother to her room, he’s really strong for an old guy and his condition is worse than mine.
Welp time for bed.
Time passes
Scene – Welcome to my life...What’s new?
Waking up a little earlier than I usually do, I find myself staring at the shower wall as hot water hits my skin, my thoughts still swirling in my head as I try to make sense of what I should do today. My slow deliberation is interrupted by the opening of the bathroom door.
“Hisao honey don’t open the curtains I just need something from here” said my mother who usually gets ready around the same time I do...which also means....she’s...
“MOM!!! WHY DO YOU DO THINGS LIKE THIS IT’S SO WRONG!?!?!?!!?” I spoke aloud making sure my view stuck to the wall I was previously looking at.
“Ugh honestly Hisao if there is one thing I regret, it was giving you unsupervised internet access at a young age, I told your father and grandfather it was a bad idea, but does anyone listen to me? No and now you're thinking all these impure thoughts, honestly, it’s a miracle someone confessed to you.” when she finished saying that I heard a popping noise...gum popping noise...is this woman for real!!?!?!
No, don’t get distracted I have to defend what little honor/shame I have “I’M NOT A DEGENERATE MOM!!!” ok sure I might’ve gone to a few sites I shouldn’t have, and puberty most definitely didn’t help with that, but It's not like it there was any problems in my development...probably, but I was just a kid, what did she expect?
“Oh? Then if your girlfriend ‘just so happens’ to find your ‘completely unattended computer’ she DEFINATLY won’t get the idea to go through your search history, right?” Mom said in her overly mocking tone pressing every button I have, and it takes every ounce of willpower to not open the curtains, splash her with water (ruining her hair), taking her packs of gum and throwing it out the window. I’d be punished but it be so worth it.
Instead, I keep my cool until she finally leaves, and I can get out as well.
After I get dressed in my school uniform (drinking my medicine as I do), I make my way towards the kitchen for some breakfast finding my mother with a big grin on her face and a WHOLE LOT of pancakes on the table. Grandfather is also there simply sitting down drinking his tea (really likes that stuff). My mother is thankfully wearing her grey business suit, a look that apparently people like as well...again I don’t see it.
“C’mon Hicchan~ can’t go to your lady friend on an empty stomach” she says warmly (yet still teasing) waiting for me to sit down so she can serve me the pancakes something she only makes when she’s very happy.
I decided to test the waters “oh? does this mean I have your blessing?” I say nonchalantly digging in to my pancakes practically finishing my first plate and going for seconds before she can answer.
“Ha! Don't get cocky kid you still need to decide exactly how you feel and that can change at any time” mother said in a somewhat stern but still lighthearted way eating her food as well all the while grandfather is just enjoying the conversation on the sidelines.
We talk about various things for bit eating as we do. I try to get her back for the bathroom incident by pointing out her ‘disgusting’ minty breath a simple plan and one she tries brushing off much to grandfathers' chagrin who is the only person that can make mother wince with his own glare. Occasionally when grandfather puts his paper down to look at the tv at the living room (that we can see from the kitchen) I try to read what page he is on despite it being upside down, in the paper I recognized a few names and words specifically about an old, retired track star and a famous if very eccentric artist, I smile knowing why he was on that same page for so long. Mother then tells me that father and grandmother will be coming back today so no matter happens at school I get right back here to greet them...
Suddenly her tone completely shifted when she said, “whoever you decide to be with I’d want to see them, naturally to get a good look at them and any possible ‘challenges’ they face cause despite my drunken stupor there was one thing I made sure to remember above all else and I think you know what I mean.”.
I gently touched my chest a little taken aback at what’s she’s saying and then I recalled when Mei hit her head on it. Grandfather puts down his paper and looked at me. It seems he had his own talk with mother.
“I know it was an accident sweetie but even then, what would have happened if you had passed out in the middle of the snow?” She says her face is a mixture of sadness and seriousness. As for a response to her question, my silence and downcast head is enough.
“I’m sorry I’ve brought down the mood even though it’s my job as a mother to worry about things like this especially since this is your last year of high school” my head jerks back up at those final words ‘last year’ I think it’s just now hitting me that this really is the last year of my life where I can just be a kid, maybe this is the last time I see most of my friends I’ve known for years, and above all, I need to figure out what I want to do with my life.
Mother sensing this sudden revelation adds “whatever you are going to do going forward I’ll support you HOWEVER, if it’s something that could put your life in jeopardy I’m going to have to put my foot down and were going to have to come with a compromise if there is one to be had, ok?” she says while grandfather starts putting away the plates of food
“Of course” I say rather absent mindedly not because I don’t agree with her it’s more so I’m still taking in everything
Honestly, I should have expected this...
When my mother found out I had arrythmia, I was about 4 (such an unlucky number) which was a shock to her and father, but it didn't really affect them all that much. While she may not have arrythmia herself (we don’t know for sure) she understood the gravity of the condition better than most even if mine is a “mild case”, then again there was that one time when it almost became severe due to my own stupidity and negligence...another story entirely...
Mother lived in the original Yamaku academy when she was around 14 and thus experienced the many ways the students there tried to live a good stable life despite their own challenges and disabilities, many succeeded...just as many didn’t...later on she joined the Hakamichi foundation after graduation which is also how she met father who...uh...where do I even begin with him?
Back to mother, she wanted to help people and while that journey has yet to end, I’d like to say she’s been doing an amazing job so far...
...
We clean up after ourselves when “the talk” was done, the silence is heavy with tension as we finally prepare for the day ahead as I pick up my school bag. Just as I’m about to leave through the door, “Hisao wait! One more thing” mother yells quickly getting to me.
She seems rather reserved now, probably thinking she went a little too far in her talk even though I felt like she just stated the bare facts that I needed to face even if they are a little harsh.
“This is the last thing I will say” she grips my shoulders with her hands “no matter what happens...you will always be my dearly beloved son” When she said that I hugged her, tightly. She froze at first but then reciprocated throwing in a kiss on the forehead too.
I wonder if she’s afraid.
Afraid that the moment her son leaves her sight for probably years at a time he will be ok without her. I feel that answer is obvious but then I remember a story father once told me about a friend of hers who despite trying so hard to live a better life after an accident that took away his ability to walk on his legs...he...did something unforgivable and mom blames herself the most.
I can’t promise nothing will happen to me, that’s not how life works, but I can promise to try and live for as long as I can with my head held high no matter what.
Finally, I leave and hear one last thing from grandfather saying something to mother who seemed on the verge of tears “he’ll be alright Hina if I could make it, he’ll be just fine”
Time passes
also welcome to the forums lol.
