Rin Epilogue: The Long Road (Updated 27/7/2024)

[MoashLannister]

Chapter 18: Restart

“Can you move faster, Hisao?” Rin asked from behind me as we walked up the stairs, which would usually cause me to turn my head towards her, but the large stack of boxes I’m carrying was currently making that option ill-advised.

“I’m moving as fast as I can,” I responded with a sigh as we reached the third floor, where I heard the distant sound of an elevator ding. “It would be better if I could use the elevator.”

“I still think you can move faster, like someone who usually walks even though he could run,” she pointed out, and I began to wonder if she’s actually trying to tease me. “But the guy who usually walks likes walking better than running, so maybe walking is better in his eyes. Like how I don’t like my bed full of teddy bears even though some people like it, so it’s better for me not to have them but better for them to have them.”

I ignored her save for a roll of my eyes, though a slight smile was on my face as we walked down the corridor to where the elevator was, where Hanako was already beginning to unload the many other boxes from it into the hall. It was something that we had been doing for quite a while now, each alternating in using the stairs or the elevator.

“That’s the last of them, right?” I asked, panting slightly.. Hanako looked as tired as I felt.

It had been a rather drawn out morning moving everything to our new apartment, first by unloading it from the truck and then moving it up to our floor and then to our apartment as well. We could have asked the movers to do it, but that would have cost extra and we were determined not to spend money frivolously now that we’re nearing our adulthood, especially since most of the items weren’t heavy enough to justify needing help.

Still, I was certainly glad that I was exempt from a morning run with Emi on account of our distance. If I did, there was a chance that I would be on the floor by now, exhausted and thoroughly drained of my stamina. Even now the floor somehow seemed strangely attractive, certainly more than the rational side of my mind would have liked.

“Y-Yes, that’s everything,” Hanako said, looking at the boxes around her. “M-Most of this load is my stuff, so sorry…”

“Considering that the rest of what we moved belonged to me or Rin, I’d say we should be sorrier,” I responded, letting out a tired groan. “Still, let’s just finish placing everything inside so that we can get a break before sorting what goes where.”

Hanako nodded in agreement, and she and I began to pick up the boxes and moved them into our new home, which was thankfully not that far from the elevator. Rin helped as best she could by pushing a lighter box with her foot down the hall to our door. At this point however, even that short a distance began to feel like an odyssey by the time we reached the small white doorway, careful to move as many things as we could before heading back and finishing off the rest of it.

“Alright, that’s all of it,” I declared triumphantly once we’re done and the door was closed. I practically throw myself onto the couch in our living room, Hanako and Rin plopping down beside me. All three of us slumped down and deflated, finally allowed to relax after the grueling work of moving our possessions. “That was about as bad as I thought it’d be.”

“B-But it’s over now…” Hanako responded optimistically, a smile on her face despite it being lined with fatigue, looking around our new living space. “I-It feels weird now that we're actually going to stay here.”

I concurred with that statement, looking around the place that was going to serve as our home for the foreseeable future. It was one of many candidates that we had scouted out the moment our college plans were secured, and while there were other equally promising places, this was the one we ultimately agreed upon.

It featured a living room that already had a couch, a table with chairs and a small TV, along with a glass door leading to the balcony outside. It had three medium-sized rooms, with two of them having bathrooms attached and with beds already provided, all topped off with a small kitchen room that was really just a short corridor with a small stove, fridge and drawers containing some utensils.

The place also had air conditioning for the summer and a heater for the winter, as well as being located near a train station that could easily transport us to our college in a reasonable time. All in all, it was nothing short of perfect for what we wanted in a home.

Really the only thing that gave us pause was the price, which while within our budget certainly wasn’t cheap, though it was hard to argue that it wasn’t worth it and then some given what it offered. Still, it definitely pushed the three of us into the idea of supplementing the money that we had with part time jobs, especially in Rin’s and my cases, given that it was technically our parents’ money that was being spent.

But college and work were a thing of the future, and right now the three of us were simply enjoying the present, having finally realized our plan to live together after a period of separation following our graduation

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The graduation ceremony was a relatively normal affair, all in all. Held in the school’s biggest available hall, a speech was given by the now former student council, though Shizune’s annoyed glare and Misha’s shrill voice sort of undercut the inspiring tone that it was supposed to have. The following ones from the faculty ranged from similarly underwhelming to legitimately heartfelt, especially from both Nurse and Mutou.

Then came the handing of diplomas, which my class was the first of our group to receive. It felt nice to say that I graduated high school with decent grades on my final, given the road bump I suffered in the form of a hospitalization, and as it was my turn Mutou stopped me briefly to say some parting words.

“You have a bright future ahead of you,” he said. “Aim high, Nakai.”

I gave a nod in response before moving on to let the next student have hers, eventually finding my way back to the seat that was in between Hanako and Miki, both with fairly different reactions once they had theirs as well. Hanako had a mix of relief and anxiety on her face, while Miki was as casual as she ever was.

When it came time for Emi and Rin’s class to receive their diplomas, I looked curiously at Rin as she went up on stage, a mildly worried look on her face as her head turned ceaselessly. When our eyes met and she saw me on stage, I simply gave her a wide smile, which caused Rin to close her eyes and calm her demeanor.

She accepted it with Emi’s help, who grabbed it in her stead as they both went down the stage and back to their seats, which were too far from me for us to converse. As such, it was simply a matter of waiting for the rest of the student body to take their turns on the stage, before a final speech and an even more final dismissal.

For what felt like it would be the last time in my life, I began to make my way out of Yamaku’s main building, the place where I had studied for three quarters of a year. My stay in the academy felt far longer than that however, as if I’ve spent the majority of my life here. Even now, most of the memories that come to mind were of this place, though a certain red-headed artist was responsible for that as well.

The five of us soon reunited again as we made our exit, though I couldn’t help but think that it would be only a short time before we’d be separated, and for much longer as well. Despite that, I shoved my apprehension about it aside and simply tried to enjoy the fact that they’re with me.

“So, have you packed all your stuff yet?” Miki asked nonchalantly, though she eyed Emi as she did so, clearly aiming the question at her specifically.

“Urgh, I still got some of it to handle. Is that what you want to hear?” Emi responded with an annoyed groan, looking more jumpy than usual, to the point where I suspected she would have run ahead if not for us. “What about you, Miura?”

“Oh, I think I’m about halfway,” Miki replied with a shrug, which just further angered Emi. “Don’t really feel like heading back to my parents’…well, one of their places.”

The subject of her parents’ divorce was indirectly brought up, causing some awkwardness among us even with the custody settlement coming and going, the result of which she did not feel the need to reveal just as did not wish to pry. It caused her to be in a fouler mood than usually initially, though eventually she reverted to her usual personality.

“I-I’m almost done,” Hanako said suddenly, trying to change the direction of the conversation. “I-I’ll be looking forward to staying with you, E-Emi.”

“That’s like the third time you’ve said that.” Emi pointed out in a teasing manner.

It was a decision that had been finalized days before graduation. With Hanako having no place to stay in between Yamaku and college, Emi offered Hanako a place to stay in her mother’s place during the interim, which Hanako accepted with only a bit of reluctance.

“Well, hopefully you two won’t be at each other’s throats in a week,” Miki playfully warned, causing Emi to glare at her and Hanako to look away in embarrassment. “Consider it good practice for when you’ll have to stay with Rin and Hisao.”


“Using Emi as practice for me and Hisao,” Rin mused, looking at us as if we were inspiration for an art piece. “That’s like hunting a stag in order to practice hunting a boar. Even though it’s completely different, you still get better at hunting boar by hunting stags. Like being better at cooking pasta even though you cook rice most of the time.”

“I’m sure you two will have a great time,” I assured Hanako before gesturing to myself and Rin. “Just like the three of us will when we find a place to stay. Our little group always has fun when we hang out, no matter the combination.”

“S-Still, I can’t wait to live with you and Rin too,” Hanako said with a beaming smile, which was a rarity even with her much more cheerful disposition. It showed just how much things had changed for the better over the course of her life in Yamaku. Not unlike my own journey. “But…”

We exited the door of the main building before she continued. “I-I’ll miss being here…in Yamaku.”

The five of us stopped to look at her, seeing the slight tears that welled up in her eyes as she looked up at the gargantuan place where we’d had our ceremony, the official declaration of our separation from this place.

It was a very bittersweet feeling, even if it was ultimately necessary to move forward. I had never thought that I would be so attached to the place that signified my heart condition, much less to such an extent. The people beside me seemed to hold similar opinions, and Miki simply broke away to bring up her phone.

“Hey, wouldja’ mind taking a photo of us?” she asked of a male student who just happened to be walking by. She practically shoved her phone onto him. Thankfully he seemed to take it in stride and nodded, holding the phone and pointing it at us. “Just because we’re leaving doesn’t mean we can’t take some of Yamaku with us, huh?”

Miki walked back towards us, her arms wrapping around Hanako and Emi’s shoulders, pulling them closer. Hanako flinched slightly, but ultimately nodded and inched towards her, while Emi did the same despite a brief look of incredulity.

I ultimately did the same, wrapping an arm around Rin and pulling her against me, which she responded by nuzzling her cheek against mine. The student holding the phone counted to three before taking several photos of us, handing the phone back to Miki soon after.

“I’ll send it to you guys later,” she promised, putting it back into her pocket once again. “We can take more photos all around Yamaku, enough to make a map if we feel like it.”

“That might be going too far,” Emi pointed out. “I won’t have any memory left in my phone…”

“Y-Yeah, I think a few is enough…” Hanako said in agreement. “W-We still have a bit of time, b-but maybe we can take one of t-the library…and the S-Shanghai…”

“I suppose if we’re doing this, a picture of the track would be nice,” Emi conceded.

“I want a photo of the roof, and the art club,” Rin joined in as well. “It’ll be like having a memory with me, even though I’ll have the memory in my head. It’s like having a nice meal in your stomach but still having the smell even once it goes out your bottom.”

“What about you, Hisao?” Miki asked once the rest of us processed that very…interesting analogy, turning towards me.

“I think you guys covered everything, but I suppose we should take one at the school gates. It’s where we started and will end our time here,” I answered, already feeling nostalgic as I looked towards the entrance to the academy, where we’ll be leaving for a long time if not for the last time. “As long as it’s with you guys, any photo would be one worth keeping.”

“Well, I’ve still got stuff to put in boxes, so let’s do that later alright?” Miki suggested, to which everyone agreed as we headed towards the dormitories.

“So…how’s the search for a college coming along?” I asked nonchalantly, mostly towards Emi as her plans had been the least known amongst our group.

“Well, I’ve gotten some responses to my applications, and they’re all pretty stoked to have me,” Emi replied with pride, bouncing up and down. “Turns out being a cute girl who can run rings around people makes you pretty popular.”

“Maybe they want you as a mascot,” Miki teased, but raised her hand defensively when Emi seemed ready to retort. “But I’m happy for you, Emi. Most of my applications came back positive, but I’m still wrapping my head around which one to go to. Kind of just sent a bunch out to whatever ones I thought were fun.”

“Really? No preference at all?” I questioned with a raised eyebrow, to which Miki showed a hint of a blush.

“Well, maybe a bit of a preference…” Miki answered. “Whatever one Emi’s going to.”

“What makes you think I’m telling you which college I’m going to?” Emi asked with a wry and slightly malicious smile.

“Oh, come on. It’ll be fun,” Miki pointed out defensively, scratching the back of her head. “Hanako, Rin and Hisao are going to stay together, so why not us? It’d be nice to have someone familiar around.”

“...Urgh, I’ll tell you later,” Emi conceded, though given that Miki already said that she’s going to the same college as Emi beforehand, it felt as if they were just arguing for the sake of it. “Anyways, how about you three? I probably don’t need to ask, but you guys found a college you want yet?”

“All our first picks accepted us,” I said, sounding a bit relieved. The day that news came made me feel as if I could float in the air, with Hanako looking similarly jubilant. Rin was predictably more muted in her reaction, though her smile told me all I needed to know about her thoughts on the matter. “Three different locations, but close enough to where we can live together and get to classes one time.”

“Congrats, you guys. I knew you’d be able to do it,” Emi said, her smile as wide as I’d ever seen. “Guess our futures are set, huh?”

“Like a clock moving forwards, even though you don’t know what gears are moving inside the clockwork,” Rin concluded with a nod, leaving Emi slightly confused. “I’m going to art college, and then I’ll become an artist. Even though I'm already an artist. It's like someone who knows how to cook becoming a chef even though anyone who can cook is like a chef.”

“Well, it’s more about showing the world you’re an artist now,” I added, to which she nodded again, though with less confidence. “And I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was only when I finished reminiscing that I realized that Rin was sound asleep beside me, her eyes completely shut and her body unmoving. Hanako was awake, though looked slightly uncomfortable as if she were unsure of what to do.

“A-Are you ok, Hisao?” she asked hesitantly.

I nodded. “Yeah, I guess moving took a lot more out of me than I expected,” I replied, looking out the window and feeling a slight rumbling in my stomach. “What time is it?”

“O-One thirty, I think,” Hanako answered. “If it’s a-alright, do you think we can go have some lunch before unpacking?”

“Sure, it’d be nice to scope out the nearby area for someplace nice to eat,” I thought, looking back at Rin’s sleeping form, as peaceful as she’s ever been. “I saw a chain of restaurants near here, and it’s also next to a supermarket for whenever we want to buy groceries. Why don’t we start there?”

“Y-Yeah, but…” Hanako looked at Rin as well, though in a far more nervous fashion. “S-Should we wake her up?”

I thought about it for some time, wondering whether or not it would be wise to wake her up. Under normal circumstances, I would have just done so, but she hadn’t been sleeping well recently.. From a mixture of anticipation, excitement and fear of both college and living in a new place, she didn’t fall asleep until late into the night the last few nights, spending the time painting or talking to me. Sometimes she’d simply stare out into the sky, and I’d wait patiently beside her until she was ready to do something else.

“Let her get some rest,” I concluded, hoping I’m wasn’t making a mistake as I got to my feet. “We can order some takeout for her. And just to be safe, let’s leave a note to make sure she knows where we’re going.”

“A-Alright,” Hanako said, getting up as well. The two of us rummaged through the boxes until we found a scrap of paper and a pen, writing a quick note of why we were absent should she wake before our return, ultimately leaving it on her lap in a way that she was most likely to notice.

Once that was done, we quickly exited our new home and headed down to the ground floor, emerging outside the building to a parking lot that we were likely never to use. Our apartment was a walled off area, the entrance and exits being a singular guard post that was thankfully not too far from where we were.

Passing by and crossing a few streets led up to the chain of restaurants that I had seen earlier, ranging from traditional Japanese fare to other Asian and western cuisine. After a bit of discussion we decided to try out a cafe that didn’t quite resemble the Shanghai, but was close enough to elicit some sense of nostalgia for our old hangout.

Opening the door and hearing several bells ring, we managed to find a seat near the middle of the dining area, which was rather cozy as the chairs were all plump and cushioned. To my right was a long counter of breads, cakes, and other snacks along with a barista serving coffee to people wanting something on the go. Apart from that, the look of the place was fairly Japanese, with wooden walls and floors and lanterns serving as lights. Several decorations hung on the wall from traditional paintings to calligraphy and even a Daruma doll.

After a bit of time spent reading the menu, the waiter came up to us and asked for our order. Hanako got a simple quiche and coffee, and I got curry rice and iced tea for myself. The waiter bowed and quickly moved to relay the order to the cooks, and the two of us continued looking around the cafe, feeling as if we were slightly out of touch with our new surroundings.

“T-This place is nice.” Hanako commented, though it sounded as if she were saying it to herself.

“Yeah, it’s certainly quaint,” I responded in an ambivalent tone, deciding to bring up the thought that was obviously on both our minds. “Not quite the Shanghai though, huh?”

Hanako was slightly taken aback, but ultimately nodded in agreement. Our food arrived faster than we had anticipated, and we decided to dig in. The curry rice was rather good, a nice balance of spicy and savory along with chunks of tender meat and potatoes. Judging from her expression, Hanako seemed to enjoy her quiche, which had chunks of mushroom and what I assumed was chicken.

“How long has it been since we went there?” I asked, trying to recall the last time we’ve set foot in that old haunt.

“I-I went there a few times while I w-was living with Emi,” Hanako said, almost sounding guilty as she did. “B-But t-that was more than a month ago, so…at least over a month for a-all five of us, I think.”

More than a month. That had been how long it had been since we last visited the Shanghai, and how long it had been since we left Yamaku as graduates, to forge a future for ourselves. How long it had been since all five of us hung out together.

Of course, we still contacted each other through messages and the like, especially Emi and her insistence that I do my daily exercises. Still, it definitely felt as if something was missing ever since leaving the academy and the subsequent preparations for college, a warm familiarity whose absence is underscored yet apparent.

“It’ll be a while until we can hang out together,” I noted as I took another bite of my curry. “All five of us.”

“Y-Yes…” Hanako responded morosely, and conversation began to die down once more.

The separation had happened the day after we moved out of the dorms and back to our parents, save for Hanako who lived with Emi instead. Following that was a period of preparing for college and scouting for a new living space, of which my parents were surprisingly cooperative. The meeting with them and Rin’s parents as they mutually deliberated on where to stay went surprisingly cordially, if stiff and slightly concerning at first.

Of course, it was also the first time where Hanako met both of our parents as well, which also added to the initial feeling of awkwardness.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“This seems pretty spacious,” Mom said as she walked about the mostly empty apartment space, looking out onto the balcony. “Although I’m not sure if three people can stay here comfortably. There’s only one bedroom and bathroom, not to mention the surrounding area are all business buildings. Not a single restaurant in sight, apart from a convenience store.”

“Agreed,” commented Mr. Tezuka, turning his head as opposed to moving here and there, his eyes keenly observing the area. “We’d want at least two bedrooms, for Hisao’s friend if nothing else.”

“Speaking of which, where is your friend?” Mom asked as she turned towards me and Rin. “Shouldn’t she be here by now?”

All I could do was shrug. The place we were currently in was the first of many prospective living spaces that we managed to find out about through all manner of methods, from newspapers and advertisements. Rin, Hanako and I agreed that we would make our decision after looking at them all today, along with Mom and Mr. Tezuka.

It had been the first time I had seen Rin since we went back to our parents, though we managed to keep in touch through messaging each other through our phones, sometimes well into the night or until someone or something forced us to stop. When I wasn’t busy handling the paperwork to formalize my college acceptance, I spent my days hanging out with my old friends.

Unsurprisingly, they were all planning for college as well, all going to different ones with the exception of Iwanako and Shin. The two were going to continue their relationship, and so decided to attend the same college in the city so they wouldn’t have to move, while Mai and Takumi would be moving to their own apartments to pursue their chosen career paths.

Unlike with Emi and Miki, there was a sense of finality as we hung out, as if this was undoubtedly the last time we’d be together as a group. Everyone was going their own separate ways, and while there was certainly a possibility of a reunion, it felt as if it just wouldn’t be as frequent nor as impactful as with the friends I gained in Yamaku.

It made having fun difficult at times, though ultimately we managed to enjoy each other's company, living in the present without worrying about the end. I still had their numbers in my phone, so it didn’t mean they were gone from my life forever. If nothing else, our parting would be on better terms than when I was hospitalized for the first time.

“S-Sorry I’m late!” Hanako’s voice caused all of us to turn towards the open doorway, where Hanako’s head was barely peeking out of it, eventually entering the apartment. “T-There was a bit of traffic…”

I glanced at Mom, who was staring at Hanako rather blatantly, and I quickly nudged her elbow to grab her attention. She turned to me and I gave her a bit of a scowl, to which she thankfully seemed to understand and simply looked back with a much more natural expression.

On the other hand, Mr. Tezuka’s face did not move at all. “Good morning, Miss…” he said in his usual quiet tone.

“I-I’m Hanako. Hanako Izekawa. I-it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Tezuka,” Hanako replied, bowing deeply before turning to Mom. “Y-You too, Mrs. Nakai.”

“The pleasure is mine, Hanako,” Mom said, coming up and shaking her head, which caused Hanako to almost jump. “Hisao has said a lot of good things about you, so I’m delighted to meet you at last.”

“T-Thank you…” Hanako looked as if she wanted to run out of the apartment, but ultimately stood firm as Mom continued to shake her hand before finally letting go.

“Oh I should be the one thanking you,” Mom insisted. “For looking after my son while he’s in college. I do worry about him so much, so it’s a relief to know that there’ll be someone to keep an eye on him.”

“You make it sound like I’m in need of surveillance or something,” I complained, trying to take some attention away from Hanako. “Or that I’m a kid needing a babysitter.”

“Well, considering that you were always sneaking out into the city while you thought we were asleep, perhaps you are,” Mom jabbed back, a playful reprimand that made me feel slightly mortified. “Did you really think you were being sneaky when you did so? We can hear the door open and close, you know.”

“I…never mind.” I responded, unable to come up with a defense as Mom laughed, followed by a faint giggle from Hanako and a barely noticeable smile from Mr. Tezuka.

“So you thought you were being sneaky, but you weren’t,” Rin pointed out, and while it wasn’t her intention, her blunt words added to my feelings of shame. “Like a rat sneaking out for food, but a cat sees it the entire time wanting to eat it. Except no one wants to eat your Hisao, except people who eat people but I’ve never met them even if they might exist.”

“Anyways, we were just about done scouting this place,” I said quickly, trying to change the subject and move ahead. “It’s nice, but not really what we’re looking for as a place to stay, I think. Would you want to look around and offer a second opinion?”

“O-Oh, that’s alright,” Hanako answered. “I-If you don’t think it’s suitable, then i-it probably isn't. I-I’d like someplace w-where all of us can agree on.”

“Then shall we move on?” Mr. Tezuka suggested in which we unanimously agreed. Mom and Mr. Tezuka took the lead as we left, while, Hanako, Rin, and I walked just a few steps behind them as we made our way to the next location on offer.

“Are you alright, Hanako?” I asked her on the way there. The street wasn’t particularly busy, though there were a number of people that passed us by.

“Y-Yes.” Hanako affirmed, though she looked as if something was on her mind that she wanted to say, even as she said nothing else.

“How was Emi?” Rin asked. “You saw her last, so you know how she is better than me or Hisao, like someone who was watching over a sparkler can tell how much longer it’ll be before it burns out even though it might burn out as they say it.”

“S-She’s alright, just getting ready for college,” Hanako answered, giving Rin a smile. “S-She was a really nice host…her mom, too. She always cooked breakfast for us, a-and I-I sometimes went grocery shopping with her.”

It was always nice to hear that Hanako was being more sociable, especially with how difficult it must be for someone like her. “Emi asked you to run with her, I bet?” I questioned dryly.

“J-Just a few times,” Hanako looked as if she were suppressing a giggle. “S-She said she texted you to make sure you d-did it as well.”

“Oh trust me, I’m aware,” I remarked with a roll of my eyes, my phone having received text after text from Emi reminding me to do my morning run, as if I would somehow completely stop doing so the moment I left her vicinity. Granted, I didn’t always run in the morning, but it was still consistent enough to feel confident that I was maintaining my body’s health.

Hanako looked as if she wanted to say something, but refrained from doing so. This time however, Rin seemed to notice.

“You look like words want to come out of your mouth,” Rin stated, causing Hanako to look at her with a flustered expression. “But words aren’t coming out, so you’re like a radio that wants to sing but can’t because pieces of it aren’t working, even though radios don't want things but sing anyways. So a radio has to sing unless it can’t.”

Hanako seemed to get what Rin was implying, and her face turned extremely shy, though a smile was still on her lips.

“I-I guess I just didn’t think something like this would happen…” Hanako stated as we stopped near a street, letting the cars pass by before crossing it. “E-Even now. B-But more than that, I didn’t think I-I’d be so excited about it as well…”

“Mm, I’m excited as well,” Rin said, nodding her head. “And worried, and bored, and other things. But the excitement is like the sun in a landscape painting. It’s not the biggest or the most noticeable thing, but you always seem to see it, unless it’s at night in which case it’s the moon that you always see even though some paintings don’t have either.”

I simply gave them a smile as we continued on our way, elated that all three of us were looking forward to living together despite our time apart.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once we finished our meal and ordered something for Rin the two of us headed for the grocery store nearby, not intent on buying much, but wanting to get a feel for what was available, and to get something to get us by for a few days. For the most part, I was merely accompanying Hanako as she selected ingredients for future meals, while I mostly bought snacks and pre-prepared foods.

Much to Hanako’s delight, the place had quite the variety of foodstuffs from fresh greens to meats that looked as if they were just sent here from the butcher. She took her time when selecting what to put into the basket we picked up at the entrance, and we ended up spending more time here than we’d intended. A part of me was worried about Rin, but I decided not to rush Hanako as she was clearly enjoying herself.

“I should probably learn how to cook, huh?” I remarked embarrassedly as I saw the basket that was slowly but surely filling up with rice, vegetables and even some beef. It really felt as if out of the three of us, Hanako was the only one who would be able to cook an actual meal if we ever decided to not eat out.

“I-I don’t mind cooking…” Hanako insisted as she grabbed some cucumber and tossed it into the basket. “I-I don’t know too many recipes myself, but maybe I’ll try to learn m-more. I-It’s always fun to m-make something new to taste.”

“Well, I’ll need to get started with the basics first,” I said as we finished buying everything we needed, taking both plastic bags which were rather heavy. “Well, until I learn to properly use the kitchen, I’ll take the responsibility of carrying the groceries at least.”

“T-Thank you,” Hanako replied in appreciation, the plastic bag containing Rin’s meal in her hand, which was the curry rice I had along with some soup. “W-We shouldn’t keep Rin waiting any longer.”

And so we made our way back to our apartment, though at a slower pace given the extra burden in our hands. By the time we had reached our apartment door it was already late afternoon, and when we entered Rin wasn’t on the couch.

I spotted her on the balcony, sitting down as she looked at what was beyond it, buildings and cars and people. After setting down the groceries I walked up towards her, seeing a wistful look on her face, but as she turned to face me she immediately got up and rested her head against my shoulder.

“I read your note,” she said, nuzzling my neck. “I know I shouldn’t really be worried about you, but I did anyway. It’s like knowing the sky won’t fall down but still thinking it might, even though the sky isn’t really something that can fall.”

“I’m sorry,” I responded, wrapping my arms around her in a hug. “You just seemed so tired, and I didn’t want to disturb you since you hadn’t been sleeping well lately.”

“Thank you, Hisao. For being here,” Rin replied, before I heard her stomach growl slightly. “I’m hungry.”

“We bought some lunch for you,” I assured her, laughing a little as I heard her stomach growl again. “Want to go back inside and eat?”

She didn’t answer immediately, looking back onto the view beyond the balcony before finally nodding. The two of us made our way back to where Rin had her meal on the floor, while I helped Hanako with putting all the groceries we bought into the appropriate places.

“I think we should start moving our stuff now,” I commented as I placed some snacks into a low cupboard. “If we delay any longer, we might not get fully unpacked until tomorrow.”

“Y-Yes, though I’m not sure we’ll be done before d-dinnertime,” Hanako responded. “W-We did have a pretty late lunch.”

“Not to mention that we’ll need to try getting used to our new rooms,” I added. “We can get started on some of it at least, then finish after dinner.”

With the two of us in agreement, we started the process of truly unpacking our stuff while Rin continued eating, opening the many cardboard boxes in the living room and unearthing the items tucked away. From useful items such as stationery and kettles to more sentimental items like photos, we started placing them where they were seemed most appropriate.

For most of Rin’s and my stuff, that place was the bedroom we now shared. A place that was certainly larger than my room in Yamaku, with faded green walls and queen sized bed. A large window gave us about as good a view as the balcony. When we came here the first time, Rin sat down on the bedroom floor to simply look out the window for the entirety of our visit. While that wasn’t the only, or even the main, aspect that sealed this place as our choice of accommodation, it certainly helped.

There was a long table to the right of the door, and it was there that I placed a few of the things I’d brought here, including a framed photo of me and my friends during Yamaku’s festival. Looking at it as I placed it near the end of the table, it already began to feel nostalgic even if it wasn’t that long ago.

By the time Rin was done with her curry rice, Hanako and I had already unloaded several boxes, slowly filling our rooms to truly make them ours.

“Can I move your art equipment to your new studio?” I asked Rin as she peered towards the balcony.

“Yes, please,” she answered, looking slightly forlorn. “Sorry I can’t help you, but I don’t have any hands and I can’t really move if I carry anything on my feet. It's like a bird trying to fly while using its wings to carry a branch for their nests.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I said, coming up to Rin and giving her a quick kiss on the forehead. “Go look out the balcony some more, if you want. I’ll join you later, alright?”

“Thank you, Hisao.” Rin gave me a kiss in return, and went back to the balcony. Once again I felt concerned for how she was adjusting to everything, but ultimately decided to trust that she was doing so in her own way, and went on to continue the work of making this apartment a home.

The third room, which had no bed and was really just empty space, was dedicated as both a storeroom and a place where Rin could do her art. Like our bedroom there was a rather large window on the right side of the room, perfect for letting in sunlight and for viewing some scenery. Unfortunately we weren’t allowed to repaint the walls, which were a rather dull gray that didn’t look all that appealing. Parts of the tiled floor were also a bit loose, but otherwise it was a serviceable area.

There wasn’t a table in the room either, though that was perfectly fine as Rin would be putting her brushes and paints on the floor anyways. Her paints were the first thing I placed in the room. I didn’t really have a desired layout in mind when I unpacked, merely placing things where I thought was best without much thought behind it.

Hanako occasionally went in and out of the room as well, placing things that she didn’t really want in her room together in a corner on this one. Each time I came back to the living room in order to grab more stuff like paint bottles, easels, canvases and the like, I peeked at Rin sitting on the balcony, looking calm and thoughtful.

The sun was close to setting by the time I was finished unloading most of Rin’s art equipment, the easels in the middle with the paints, brushes, canvases and other items surrounding it in a semi circular pattern. It was a task that ended up being much tiring than expected, and left me slightly out of breath as I exited what now looked like a proper art studio.

There were still boxes in the living room, the empty ones being stashed in the storeroom for future use. Seeing it made me grimace slightly at the fact that our work was unfinished, but at the same time I couldn’t muster enough energy to continue it. I went to the kitchen and poured two cups of water and carried them to the balcony.

Sitting beside Rin, I placed one cup on the floor while lifting the other to her lips, which she sipped from before shifting her body to rest on mine.

“How do you feel, Hisao?” Rin asked, looking straight into me with those green eyes of hers.

“Tired,” I replied dryly. “And sweaty, and messy.”

“I feel weird, and I don’t know why even though a part of me does,” Rin said. “It’s like the first time I moved into my dorm room in Yamaku.”

“Yeah, it definitely is similar, but happier for me in this case,” I hesitated a bit before saying the next part. “When I moved into Yamaku, I had just been hospitalized because of my heart attack, not to mention having just found out about my condition. So it wasn’t really a happy occasion when I had to stay there.”

“But if you didn’t, I wouldn’t have seen you,” Rin brought up. “I think I would have been sad, even though you wouldn’t be in my mind because we would never meet, so I wouldn’t have a reason to be. Like a plant being sad that it can’t grow any fruit, even though it doesn’t know what a fruit is because a plant can’t really think.”

“I feel the same way,” I assured Rin, placing the other cup down and wrapping my arms around her. “I don’t regret coming to Yamaku, because it’s where I met you. The woman that I’ve grown to love, and to treasure.”

“Mm, it’s good that you said ‘grown’,” Rin leaned onto me, her head on my chest. “I didn’t think you loved me when we met, and I even think you hated me a little. But now you do, even though I’m not sure why that is.”

“The beginning of our relationship was really frustrating, wasn’t it?” I admitted with a bit of laughter, a fact which highlights both how distant those times were, but also that it was a problem that we’ve long since overcome. “I think we weren’t exactly in the best of states back then. I was still trying to find out what I wanted to do with my life, and you were trying to find yourself.”

“I think I still am,” she said, slumping down. “But I think I know where to go, even if I don’t know which way to turn to get there just yet. Like knowing a place to eat but not knowing what road to get to it.”

“You’ll reach there eventually,” I replied with confidence, before asking a bit less confidently, “Are you scared of college?”

Rin nodded with a bit of reluctance. “Mom and Dad had a long talk about classes and everything, but honestly even though I tried to listen it felt like they were talking in a different language, like a Russian man thinking someone is speaking French even though they were speaking Russian.”

“Well, think of it like your first classes in Yamaku,” I advised. “It’ll be intimidating at first, but you’ll get used to it.”

“And then…” Rin looked up at me, as if expecting that I’ll finish that sentence for her.

“And then you’ll graduate, and…well…” I felt a little uneasy with continuing that line of thought, my memories quickly heading back to her first art gallery. “You’ll be a professional artist.”

“I’ll sell my art,” Rin said plainly. “I’ll be selling pieces of me for money…that sounds alright. People need money, and I’m a person. So I’ll sell myself.”

“Yeah…” I couldn’t help but feel that it was wrong to agree with her, yet I did. Rin sounded at peace with the fact that she would have to sell her art, which had been a touchy subject in the past. Having sold some at the festival did help her come to accept the necessity of it, but there was still the underlying problem that was the root of the problem.

Namely that she made art to express herself, to try and get people to understand who she was or how she was feeling, and most of the time someone else’s interpretation of it would fall short. And now she was committed to doing that for a living.

“People won’t understand,” she added, once again without forlornness or disappointment. “The world they see in the painting won’t be the same world that I used to paint it. I can try to paint something that people might understand, but not a lot of them would be from me even though I’ll be the one painting them.”

I didn’t utter a word, unable to really find an ideal situation to her dilemma. All I did was hold her closer, watching the sun continue to go down. Suddenly I heard some noise coming from her stomach, and the two of us looked at each other.

“I’m hungry,” she muttered in a monotone voice. “I was hungry before, then I wasn’t, but now I am again…”

“I can eat right now. Maybe it’s all the moving I’ve been doing,” I answered, the conversation we had dropped for the time being. “But I suppose it is about time we have some dinner. Let’s go back in and see what Hanako wants to do.”

Rin nodded in agreement, and the two of us slowly got up and reentered the living room, where we could smell the scent of something from the kitchen. The two of us silently walked there until we saw Hanako cooking at the stove, the fragrant scent of something savory filling the air.

She seemed immersed in the act of making the meal, an unguarded smile on her face as she hummed and tasted what was in the pot in front of her, which turned out to be some sort of beef stew. Hanako added some more seasoning before noticing the two of us, almost jumping back at the sight as a blush lit her face.

“H-How long were you two standing there?” Hanako asked, sounding slightly embarrassed.

“Not long,” Rin replied. “For us, anyway. It might be long for you, like how one person says an hour is too short but another one says an hour is too long, even though you can’t tell how long time is by using a ruler.”

“I-I see…” Hanako glanced back at her cooking before turning back to us. “I-I finished moving my things…a-and I thought we'd be too tired to go out anyways, so I’m making us dinner, if that’s alright.”

“I’m hungry.” Rin stated simply.

“Yeah, that’s actually really nice of you. Thanks, Hanako.” I added, sounding appreciative.

“I-It’s no trouble at all, I-I really felt like cooking, a-actually. Hanako’s smile returned, though it was far more subdued. “I-I’m still not done yet, so you two might w-want to take a shower first. There isn’t much left to move, and t-the day’s made everyone a little…well…”

“Sweaty?” I finished with an amused look on my face, which she nodded in response. “Alright, I suppose we should try getting used to our new bathrooms, huh?”

“Trying a new bathroom…” Rin’s mind seemed to linger on those words. “It’s like trying for a new ship, except when a ship breaks you can’t sail, but if a bathroom breaks you can’t pee unless you do it on the floor. But that’d be bad.”

Now it was my turn to blush, her last words being so crass that it took me off guard.

“Right…” I affirmed before walking towards our bedroom, unsure of just what to think of that last statement. Rin unsurprisingly didn’t seem to be affected by it and already looked like she was thinking of something else.

Yet another instance of her unpredictability.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thankfully, the bathroom turned out to be a rather easy adjustment for the both of us, particularly when it came after Yamaku’s communal showers. The shower had plenty of space for us to wash ourselves together, something that I suspected we’d be doing far more often now that we’ve got a level of privacy that we’d never really had before.

By the time we finished getting clean and had a change of clothes, Hanako had already set up our meal on the dining table, plates of rice in front of each chair and a pot containing the stew in the middle of it. A simple meal, but there was a homey quality to it that made it feel more satisfying to eat.

Conversation was a little sparse, both from the exhaustion of moving and the fact that there was simply nothing on my mind to talk about, though it was nevertheless a very comfortable atmosphere that surrounded us as we ate our dinner.

Once we were all done, I offered to clean things up while Hanako went to get a shower and retire for the night, clearly ready to end her day. Rin meanwhile wanted to go back onto the balcony, and I simply told her I would join her when I was finished with washing the dishes, which she agreed to.


Grabbing everything on the table, I dumped them all into the sink before washing them one by one with soapy water, making sure to scrub out any stains and that they didn’t leave off any sort of odor before leaving them to dry. I even double checked in case I missed anything, which I thankfully didn’t.

I wondered if I had ever been this meticulous when washing dishes before. I was fairly sure I hadn’t been. Either I was starting to grow up, or moving into a new place had made me more of a neat freak than I used to be.

The moment I was satisfied, I walked back out onto the balcony, the view now showing the cityscape in all its beauty. Rin was sitting where she’d previously been, and I had the sneaking suspicion that it would be her spot whenever she wanted to be here. Unlike before though, I saw a pencil and a sketch pad in front of her.

“Want to sketch something?” I asked as Rin looked up at me.

“Mhm, but I can’t even though I really can,” She replied. “Something’s missing, even though nothing really is. Like a jar of cookies that’s missing one cookie, so nobody would really notice unless someone wanted the cookie jar to have that many cookies before one was missing.”

I sat down beside her and looked up at the sky, the stars and the clouds arrayed in a chaotic yet harmonious sequence, though I couldn’t really identify any constellations due to the light of the city. “What do you think is missing?”

Rin didn’t answer and instead simply moved herself in front of me and leaned back, her head brushing against my chest. It was only after she nuzzled the top of her head against my neck a few times that she gave me an answer. “I think it was you, Hisao.”

“Well, I’m not missing anymore,” I noted with a smile, wrapping my arms around her in a warm hug. “So, think you can sketch now?”

“Yes.”

That was all she said before her feet began to move, grabbing the pencil and using it to draw in the sketch pad, starting with a single line. Then several more lines to form shapes, slowly but surely starting to form something resembling a background.

It wasn’t until she was a decent chunk of the way in that I saw that it was the balcony, with the two of us sitting in the corner. Rin was drawing it as if it was the view of a bird looking down at us, capturing the floor, the door leading back into the living room, and the sky all in a single image.

Our faces couldn’t be seen, as the sketch only showed the back of our heads, but my hands were clearly wrapped around her in a hug like the one I was doing right now. It was a piece that looked hopeful yet melancholic, comforting yet inspiring the desire for comfort as well.

“It’s us,” I mentioned offhandedly, tightening my hug. “It looks really beautiful.”

“Mm, and warm even though it’s night and it should be cold,” Rin mentioned. “I wanted to draw this because it feels…right, and it feels like something that I need to draw. It helps me think about tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that.”

“The future.”

“Yes, the future. My future, and yours as well,” Rin let out a yawn and slumped back onto me. “I’m tired, Hisao.”

“Do you want to sleep?” I asked, looking up at where the moon was, slowly reaching its peak as midnight loomed near. “We have things to do tomorrow.”

“Mm, I want to sleep here, even though I know I shouldn’t.” Rin seemed to ponder the possibility a little more. “Hisao, can you let me sleep here?”

“If you’d like,” I said in an amused tone, but added in a slightly more serious voice. “But only if I get to carry you to bed once you do. I wouldn’t want you to freeze out here.”

“But you’ve moved my stuff, and brought me lunch, and water to drink,” Rin replied, sounding conflicted and almost guilty. “Do you not get tired of doing things for me, Hisao? After doing it so many times, like a bear being sick of eating fish after having it every day for a year.”

“No.” The answer came quickly. “I mean, long ago I realized that I’ll be doing a lot of things for you, but I don’t mind. It comes with being in a relationship.”

“But I don’t do much for you, at least I think I don’t,” Rin said, the guilt in her voice increasing. “I kiss you and hug you, have sex with you, but that isn’t helping you except for the thing in your pants. You help all of me, and I don’t feel like I can help all of you.”

“You do help all of me,” I assured her, kissing the top of her head. “You make me happy, more than I can really say. When I was in Yamaku, you dragged me out of the hole I was in, whether I liked it or not. I’ve become a better person, and it’s all because of you Rin.”

“Really?” Rin asked, as if she wanted to be sure. “I don’t think I can drag people out of holes. Having no hands makes it difficult.”

“Really,” I said, and she seemed content with that answer, saying nothing else as she slowly drifted off to sleep. I couldn’t help but look down at her face, seeing how beautiful she was underneath the night sky, the wind gently blowing her hair.

Eventually though, I gently lifted her into my arms as I got up, careful not to do anything that might disturb her sleep as I got back into the living room. There was a dead quiet as I entered compared to the subdued but pleasant noises from outside, Hanako in her room either asleep or doing her own thing.

Entering our bedroom, I gently laid Rin down onto the bed, briefly exiting to take the cups from the balcony and wash them. After checking one final time that everything was properly locked, I headed back into the bedroom where she was thankfully still asleep, looking as if she were completely at peace.

“Goodnight, Rin,” I managed to say before falling asleep myself. With college and all of its stressful assignments and lessons looming, I wondered when we’d have a night as peaceful as this again.

[Asoko_Desu]

Really impressed that you're keeping up with this, after starting it in 2019. I'd like to say something more substantive - and will - but I've just started reading it.

I can say that I'm very impressed with your ability to continue in Hisao and Rin's established characters; it feels like a very natural progression of the original timeline.

Looking forward to reading through the rest of the chapters!


[Edit]

Delightful, touching, and emotionally wrenching in spots. Also, it made me wish I could read faster

Astonishingly consistent in (accurate) tone and (high) quality - taking your time has resulted in a beautiful work.

Now I’ve gotten more into it, everyone is well and distinctly characterized - Emi’s bubbly and a bit salty, but supportive. Miki’s salty in an entirely different way, and Hanako is a treat - it’s so nice to see her exercise the inner strength that she often keeps hidden. And it’s nice to see Rin and Hisao finally communicating well.

Equally pleasing is the deft introduction and resolution of plot points - you’re not overlooking the difficult hills they have to climb, and how they climb them feels fresh with not too many, nor too few, twists and turns to keep it interesting.

One constructive comment - for future writers I guess, as your work is set - Rin is expressing herself in similes a lot; it establishes her inherently idiosyncratic thought processes, but a little of that goes a long way.

Anyhow, thank you - I’ve very much enjoyed getting caught up!

--

[DreamerBauka]

Greetings Moash Lannister. I would like to talk about translating your fanfic. I want to take it for translation and publish it on a site with fanfiction with your permission and indicating you as the author of the original. Can you discuss this issue with you?

[Sharp-O]

I echo a lot of what other people have said; your Rin feels very authentic to the source material and while she's not my favourite character, I do appreciate the love you've shown to keeping her consistent here.

I also want to give you props for how your writing style improved over subsequent chapters. While I started noticing every error you made, by the last chapter, there was little-to-nothing I could see in terms of errors.

An intensely emotional story with very a strong themes. Well done, Lannister!

[rinzshouwa]

It was an amazing red, don't know if you ever will continue it but I want to thank you because I needed this closure to the good ending, I'm very happy about it.

Thank you so much!

[MoashLannister]

Chapter 19: Progression

“Remember, it’s important that your opening pages capture your readers’ attention,” The woman in front of the classroom said with a kindly tone. “You want to save your most exciting portions near the middle and end of the story, but the beginning is still extremely important in getting your audience to that point.”

I glanced around the room and saw several people nodding, some attentively and some dismissively. All of them were roughly the same age as me, though there were a few that were significantly older, perhaps even more than a decade. None of them were as old as our lecturer, who was clearly in her senior years with long silver hair and a heavily wrinkled face.

Ms Mariko was slow to speak and sometimes took a little prompting to get an answer, but I couldn’t help but enjoy that about her, despite hearing some complaints whispered between the others. It helped that she didn’t really treat me any differently, acting as if I’m just one of her many students.

I took note of what she was saying, adding to my detailed transcript of every important thing she’d said, partially thanks to her slow speed. As I was writing, I felt something touch my elbow, and fought the urge to recoil as I slowly turned to see the person sitting beside me.

“Hey,” the man said. He looked around my age, with scruffy brown hair. I didn’t know his name, and it seemed he didn’t know mine. “I know you write down what she says a lot, so wouldja’ mind letting me copy your notes of what she taught last week? I didn’t really attend that one.”

“Uh…um…” I feel myself panicking a little, sliding back onto my chair as the lecture went on, no one else really paying any attention to me. It was partially by choice since I sat at the back of the room, but it made me feel uneasy whenever someone did break that isolation.

It’s almost like I was back at Yamaku, completely alone and wanting it to be that way. When I was reminded of that time, I quickly gathered my courage and responded to him.

“I-I’ll let you look at my notes a-after class.” I managed to mutter, eyes focusing on our lecturer, Ms Mariko.

“Fine by me,” the man said gratefully, and dropped the subject immediately, causing me to breathe a sigh of relief.

“Now, regarding your assignment, I am pleased to inform you that you have all performed satisfactorily,” Ms Mariko with a subtle hint of pride in her voice, followed by the class clapping, myself included. “Some of you have written pieces that I would very much like to see completed as a novel. Perhaps I’ll even sponsor you as a publisher.”

She laughed a little to herself, before looking around the entire class, which had around twenty students in all.

“Makoto, Yu, and Hanako. Well done for being the top three for this assignment. I hope you keep it up.”

I was surprised at my name being called out like that, and as the class looked around to see the three names she mentioned, a lot of eyes were on me. I shied away a little even as they offered their congratulations, merely nodding in acknowledgement in order to not seem rude.

“Now, I believe there isn’t much else to cover today, and we’re close to the end of our period,” Ms Mariko said, with the class barely hiding their excitement at ending the school day. “Remember that your assignment is due in two weeks, and have a great day.”

Upon announcing the end of the class, several students already began to bolt out of the room, while others stayed back to chat with each other. I turned to face the student asking for my notes, and silently handed them over to him, which he quickly began to copy.

“Thanks a lot, man. You saved me a lot of hassle,” he said once he was done, getting up and offering me a hand. “The name’s Akira, by the way.”

I was immediately reminded of Lilly’s sister before slowly reaching my hand out to shake his. “H-Hanako. I-It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Akira said, before putting everything on his table into his bag. “Well, I’d like to stay and chat, but I’ve got a bus to catch. See you tomorrow!”

“Y-You too…” I replied, though I wasn’t sure he heard that before exiting the classroom. Looking at the class, it was slowly being emptied of students, with only a few and Ms Mariko left. There really wasn’t anything for me to do here, so I began to leave as well.

“Hanako, can you come here for a moment?”

I froze just as I was about to reach the door, turning around to see Ms Mariko at her table, drinking a hot beverage from her thermoflask. While the urge to leave made me hesitate for a moment, I ultimately walked towards her.

“Y-Yes, is something wrong?” I asked, to which she simply shook her head.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Ms Mariko replied with a patient and proud smile. “I just wanted to let you know that you’ve been very diligent in your course. A perfect attendance record, which is not something I can say of any other student at this point.”

“T-Thank you, Ms Mariko.” I bowed respectfully, which she seemed to be rather amused by.

“Oh, I should be thanking you,” she said with a dismissive wave. “For bumping up the average grade of my class so much. That being said, may I ask something?”

“Y-Yes…”

“How seriously do you take creative writing?” Her tone turned less playful, and her face grew more pensive, though no less kindly. “I ask because I’ve been teaching for a long time, and I can tell the difference between a person writing for the sake of a good grade, and a person writing because they wish to pour their heart and soul into their words. Not that there’s anything wrong with the former, of course.”

I took a moment to ponder the question, and she seemed content to wait. “I…I went for this course because I liked reading s-stories,” I answered earnestly. “A-And because I didn’t really find any interest in other subjects, so…I can’t say if I’m really treating this as…s-seriously…as you think I am.”

“I appreciate your honesty, Hanako,” Ms Mariko responded with a smile, before rummaging around in her jacket pocket and handing me a simple golden card. “For your consideration.”

I took the card and looked at it, seeing the intricate design of it, from black and red flourishes to the very formal looking text. “Writing…think…tank…”

“It’s just something a few colleagues of mine created. Trying to have old and new authors come together to push each other’s creativity,” she explained, stretching her back slightly as if to straighten it out. “I’m obligated to go, but I also have the right to bring any guests with me to participate.”

“And you want me…t-to…” The idea was almost impossible for me to grasp. An opportunity to sit and write with other authors, and professional ones at that. “W-Why me?”

“Because I see something in you that I’d very much like to nurture.” Her tone was serious, but as soon as she finished that sentence her face adopted a more playful look. “Or perhaps it’s because I’m a whimsical old woman, who can say? Regardless, it’ll not be for quite a bit, so you’ll have some time to consider.”

I fiddle with the card in my hand nervously, my fingertips shaking slightly before I simply nod and pocket it. “T-Thank you, I’ll definitely…t-think about it.”

“Good, now I’m sure you’ll have better things to do then be here,” she said with exaggerated dismissiveness, even waving her hands to shoo me off. “Have a great day, dear.”

“Y-You too!” I replied before exiting the classroom, heading toward the train station nearby.

The university building was fairly large, due to it being the only building on campus instead of multiple smaller ones. As such, getting outside was itself quite the journey, requiring the use of stairs and walking through many different hallways.

I passed by many other students as I did, and like I expected some of them were staring at my face, while others tried their best to pretend they weren’t looking. It took some effort, but I simply ignored them as I made my way to the university’s entrance, trying not to pay attention to any of the faces looking at me. Any of the eyes gazing at me.

It was a skill that I’d developed since the start of my second life, after the fire. When the kids at the orphanage and middle school began to tease and torment me, I had to block them out or else break down every day. Even when moving to Yamaku, I continued doing so, only letting a few people through after realizing that they truly wanted to be friends.

Now though, it was as natural as breathing to me. Not to say that it wasn’t uncomfortable, especially during the beginning of the term, when I had to show myself to the faculty and my classmates. But compared to even a few years ago, it was nowhere near as bad.

Outside, in the university courtyard, I couldn’t help but compare it to Yamaku every time I walked past it. A singular brick path that was wider yet felt oddly narrower due to the fact that it didn’t branch out into other roads. In between the gate and the building was a statue of a carp leaping up in the air, an allusion to the tale of it aspiring to be a dragon, which is what the staff wished of their students.

It was a beautiful metallic statue, and it shone so much that someone must be polishing it every day, but otherwise the walk out of the university wasn’t anything noteworthy. The walk to the train station was another journey through people seeing me for the first time, immediately forming an opinion based on my scars, from pity to mild revulsion.

Sometimes, I just wished they’d disappear.

Heading underground to where the trains were, I stopped for a moment to look at the time on my phone, seeing that I had plenty of time before I needed to be at my next destination. I considered buying something at the bakery near where I worked, full of delicious looking pastries and cakes. Not just for myself, but for Hisao and Rin as well.

Thinking of them, I smile a little bit before the train arrives, and I brace myself for the inevitably tight squeeze.

---

“I-I’m here…” I said as I walked up to the counter at the center library, where a woman with short blonde hair and wearing a plain blue dress had her back to me. Katia breathed a large sigh of relief when she turned around and saw that I was here, before turning back immediately.

“Glad to see you,” she commented casually and just a bit dismissively, ripping up a slip of paper and handing it to me. “These are the books I need you to check on, alright? You should know where they are.”

I take it and immediately go to the shelves where they were supposed to be, not speaking another word to Katia. On the way there I took time to marvel at the library, which, while it was only two stories and looked like any other building from the outside, was like a painting come to life on the inside.

The walls were a dark yellow with white stripes, the staircases elegantly curved and with sleek wooden railings. Shelves full of books new and old had evidence of age yet looked immaculate, the sections marked by metal plaques instead of cheap plastic signs. All throughout the two floors were seats, tables and little alcoves for reading, some which tempt me into simply snagging a book to read in blissful privacy…if it wasn’t for the fact that I was working here.

Heading for the first destination, I combed through book after book until I found the one that was listed and checked to see if it was damaged, along with ensuring the return date was stamped for today. Once that was done, I simply headed for the next one, in a path that was slowly getting more efficient compared to the literal circles I walked in on my first day.

It had been a few weeks now since I became employed as an assistant for this library, and yet each time I couldn’t help but find it an immense blessing that I was able to have such a wonderful job. The atmosphere was so lovely, and the work was manageable and didn’t require me to deal with people on a constant basis, although that was still required from time to time.

I was even allowed to read from their rather large collection during my time off, along with some employee benefits when it comes to borrowing or ordering books from them. All in all, it was certainly miles better than the library in the university, especially given the volume of people that swarmed it for their assignment work.

Once I was done checking all the books, I returned to the counter, where the woman was currently looking over a pile of books.

“Ah, you’re done?” she said, wasting no time and handing another pile over to me. “Put these all where they belong.”

I merely nodded and accepted the pile from her, intending to complete it as soon as possible as I knew that there would be more to do after that. If I had any slight complaint, it was that the woman at the counter was very mechanical in her demeanor, never really cruel but not seeming enthusiastic or empathetic.

Still, it seemed as if she was simply like that by nature, as her interactions with patrons were largely the same. Katia didn’t treat me any differently than anyone else.

That was all I could really ask for.

Time flew by as I went to and from the counter, either checking books or putting them back in their place. It was a busier day than usual, as there was rarely a period where I was left to my own devices or had to wait for instructions.

That busyness was emphasized by the amount of people in the library; a lot of the tables and alcoves were occupied with readers both young and old. Some stared at me for a few seconds, and in one case a child even pointed at me with a look of innocent curiosity, which I promptly ignored as I moved from shelf to shelf.

I didn’t have to interact with them, so I didn’t. That is until I felt someone tug on my dress.

Looking down, I saw a very young girl with a book in her hand. She was wearing a bright red cap and was wearing a simple yellow dress, and her expression was one of nervous terror.

“U-Uh…m-my big sis told me to return this…” she said, her voice extremely quiet.

“Oh, well let me have a look,” I responded, taking it while she looked as if she wanted to run away. Glancing at the cover, I noticed something familiar about it. “Oh, Circlet Love.”

“Y-Yes!” The girl exclaimed, a hint of enthusiasm in an otherwise fearful tone. “M-My mom borrowed it for me a week ago.”

I opened the cover to look for the library’s info that was stamped on it, and saw which shelf it belonged to, which wasn’t far.

“Alright, I’ll go and return it for you,” I promised, smiling while at the same time trying not to frighten her any further. “Thank you very much.”

“T-Thank you,” the girl said with a bow, seeming more comfortable around me. “U-Uh, do you know Circlet Love too?”

“Yes, I’ve read it before,” I responded, maintaining my smile while trying to remember the exact contents of the book. It was a romance novel some would deride as cheesy and cliché, yet was charming entirely because of those qualities, and for a girl like me it had been a nice escape from the horrors of reality. “It was about…Prince Yashida and Princess…Sorayuki, yes?”

“Yes! And they go through a lot together!” The girl, for a moment, completely forgot her previous nervousness and smiled earnestly. “I-I’m happy someone else knows about it!”

I merely nod as an appreciative gesture before taking the book back where it belonged, which took a few turns and more than a few steps. All the while I realized that she was following me, though she pretended that she wasn’t.

Was she following me because she was curious? Or because she wanted to make sure the book was returned?

Regardless, I eventually found the shelf and slotted the book right in the middle of it, before turning to see the girl staring at me before looking away once she realized I was looking at her. Turning back at the shelf, I see that the book beside Circlet Love had a similar looking spine, and the same author’s name.

“Cyclical Love…” I repeated the title aloud, which caused the girl to betray her intentions. With a bit of a giggle, I pulled it out and handed it to her. “Was this what you wanted to read next?”

The girl looked at the book reluctantly for a second before snatching it, nodding furiously.

“T-Thank you,” She whispered out, looking erratically around her before adding. “H-Have you read this before? I-Is this any good?”

I politely shook my head. “I haven’t, so I can’t give you my honest opinion. But if you liked the last so much, then you would probably enjoy this too.”

The girl nodded, bowing deeply before finally introducing herself. “I-I’m Shizuka Yoshimoto…”

“Hanako Izekawa,” I responded in a rather stiff tone, before remembering that I’ve got tasks to accomplish. “Now if you excuse me, I need to go now.”

Shizuka didn’t say anything, and merely sat down onto the floor, leaning her back against a shelf before opening the book. Immediately I could see that she was immersing herself in it, though she did glance up to see if I’d left.

I couldn’t help but think about her throughout the rest of my shift. Whenever I would pass by her little reading spot, she would still be glued to her book without a care for the world around her, which was something I could certainly relate to.

In fact, I related a lot to Shizuka’s mannerisms, from her rather shy and anxious demeanor to the way she stuttered. It made me look back upon myself when I was her age, a time which was marred by the tragedy that had shaped me.

I try to think back upon the person I was before the fire, only to remember the flames. While I was saved, it definitely felt as if three people died that day instead of two. Memories of my parents felt as if they were getting less clear by the day, and I can’t help but wonder if I should preserve those memories while they were there, perhaps in the form of a story.

Putting that part of my life firmly into the past like it was now long overdue, now that I’ve got friends and a path towards the future. Perhaps leaving a written workwould make it feel like it was.

“Oh, you’re done for the day?” Katia said with not a hint of surprise in her voice. She looked at one of the windows and saw the sky had long since gone dark. “Guess it is pretty late. Well anyways, good job I guess. Payday’s tomorrow. Gonna spend it on anything?”

“B-Bills, mostly,” I answered, having gotten used to her somewhat flippant way of speaking…somewhat. “Thank you, and I’ll see you in two days.”

“Don’t get lost.” she replied with a nod and a wave of her hand.

As I walked out of the library, I breathed a sigh of relief at the thought of going home, especially with my workload from university being as light as it was currently. Feeling good, I decided to stop by the bakery after all, to give both Hisao, Rin, and myself a treat.

---

“I-I’m home…”

That was the greeting I usually gave when I got back from either work or university, regardless of if anyone was present or not. It was both a greeting and a factual statement, a reminder that whatever else happened on that day, I was now in my familiar sanctuary.

Still, the sight I came back to wasn’t exactly something I thought I’d see. Rin and Hisao were in the kitchen, the former sitting on the floor while the latter was standing. They were a mess, to put it very mildly. Bits of ingredients were on their clothes, with a cutting board that was on the ground rather than on the counter, with what looked like pieces of chicken still on it.

“Welcome back,” Rin said tersely, as she always did regardless of the situation. There was a knife between her feet, thankfully a small and relatively safer one to use. “We’re making dinner. Or rather, Hisao’s making dinner. I’m just cutting the meat.”

“That’s still making dinner,” Hisao pointed out with a sigh, at which point I noticed the frying pan on the stove, full of oil and frying something. “...Sorry, about the mess. We’ll clean it up afterwards.”

I just giggled at the sight of my two friends and their attempts at cooking, even shaking my head a little in disbelief. “T-That’s alright, I brought some c-cakes for us,” I lifted the plastic bag high up to emphasize the point. “L-Let me put it down and I can help you.”

“Hisao doesn’t want you to help,” Rin pointed out as I went to place the cake onto our dining table. “I want to, but he doesn’t because he thinks you shouldn't cook.”

“I’m beginning to wonder if you like taking my statements out of context,” Hisao said with a sigh, pulling out a piece of chicken with a dark brown coating. “It’s not that I think you shouldn’t cook, but you’ve always been the one cooking whenever we don’t eat out, so I thought we’d return the favor. It’s nothing special, just some rice and karaage.”

“And an omelet,” Rin added. “I mixed the eggs together, and the salt, and the pepper, and the chili powder, and some more chili powder…”

“Yeah…it might be a bit spicier than what we’re used to,” Hisao warned with a nervous expression. “Hopefully it’ll still be…edible.”

I laughed at that ominous statement, reminding me of my own mishaps when cooking, none of which had happened during our stay here so far. That laughter was a simple but poignant reminder that I could let my walls down, and that no matter how easy it had gotten to put them up in the presence of others, I vastly prefer being able to be who I want to be.

“I-I’m sure it’s fine,” I reassured him before heading back to the kitchen, where Hisao was squatting down to take the last few bits of chicken to toss into the frying pan. “Thank you. I-I really appreciate it.”

“I hope so, or I’ll have splatters of hot oil on my arms for nothing,” Hisao commented with a bit of a frown, as the chicken began to brown. “Anyways, it’ll be ready in a few minutes.”

“L-Let me prepare the plates then,” I insisted. “I-It’s the least I could do.”

Hisao and Rin looked at each other before nodding, and I began to set up the table while they finished the last of their cooking preparations. Rin seemed as if she was finished for the most part, with Hisao merely putting the last of the karaage onto a pile before making the omelet.

“I-It smells nice,” I mention, the scent of the karaage in particular being rather prevalent amidst the smoky aroma of the kitchen. “I-I can’t wait to eat it.”

“It doesn’t smell like feet, which is good,” Rin noted, looking legitimately worried. “The last time I ate something that smelled like feet, my stomach hurt even though feet and stomachs don’t have anything to do with each other.”

“Why did you eat it?” Hisao asked as he scattered some onions, sprouts, and other vegetables onto the omelet before folding it in half.

“I don’t remember,” Rin responded after thinking it over. “Maybe I wanted to find out what feet taste like, even though I don’t want to be a cannibal. But if I want to know how humans taste without wanting to eat them, does that make me a cannibal?”

“Hopefully not,” Hisao commented as he placed the omelet onto a plate, shutting down the stove right afterwards. “Because dinner’s already made and I don’t feel like cooking again, much less a human being.”

“Me too, and I didn’t even cook.” Rin said with a nod, and I took both the plate of karaage and the omelet to the dining room table, with Hisao putting the pot of rice in the center of it.

Soon the three of us were sitting around it, the table lower than most others in order for Rin to use it more comfortably. All three of us gave thanks for the food before digging it, the rice being nice and filling, the karaage tender and juicy. The omelet was as spicy as they’d warned despite being similarly appetizing, which quickly got the three of us to pour glasses of iced tea to soothe our mouths from the heat.

“H-How was your day, Hisao?” I asked as I finished another piece of karaage, eying the plastic bag as I was pretty eager to try out the cakes.

“Urgh,” Hisao complained, which caused me to suppress a laugh. It seemed that he had only two responses to being asked about classes, which was either an excited spiel about what he had learnt, or a tired sigh that made it seemed like he wanted to quit altogether. “Lots of assignments to do…and the deadlines are pretty tight.”

“More or less tight than a belt that’s been pulled all the way?” Rin questioned with food still in her mouth, not showing much emotion at Hisao’s grumbling.

“About as tight.” Hisao answered as he took another piece of the omelet for himself, scowling slightly.

“I-I’m sure you’ll do well,” I assured him. “D-Didn’t you say y-you were the top t-ten in your class?”

“Yeah, and the ones below me are all jealous about it, and the ones above me are all smug about it,” he replied with yet another sigh before looking a little less glum, though whether that was for our sakes I wasn’t quite sure. “It’s like a totem pole, and I’m stuck in between the top and the bottom.”

“Mm, a lot of people are like that,” Rin noted without elaborating any further, merely nodding her head as if in realization of something. “What about you, Hanako? Are you also stuck like Hisao?”

“U-Um…” I’m immediately reminded of Ms Mariko and the opportunity she presented to me, feeling my face heat up a little, and not just because of the spice. “W-Well…my lecturer invited me to a writing…think tank…”

“They want you to think in a tank?” Rin asked, not sounding confused so much as legitimately intrigued at her version of the term. “And they want you to write while thinking in a tank?”

“That’s not what a think tank is,” Hisao corrected, taking a tissue and wiping some oil from Rin’s face, which she gave an appreciated nod in return. “It’s a meeting where people in their respective fields bounce ideas back and forth, usually about science or economics. Can’t say I’ve heard of a writing think tank though.”

“S-She’s connected with a lot of authors,” I explained further, hoping to get their opinions on the matter. “S-She said it might h-help me get a w-writing career started.”

“Mm, sounds like what I went through with Mr Nomiya,” Rin remarked, with a scowl that was a bit unlike her. “I felt really dark at the time, but the kind of dark where you can see with your eyes but not with your…hmm…trying to find the right word…inner thingy.”

“You soul?” Hisao suggested.

“That’s correct enough, even though it’s not completely correct,” Rin responded, and I couldn’t help but feel slightly discouraged by her words. “This feels different though.”

“H-How so?” I asked, to which she closed her eyes and stayed silent for a while before answering.

“Mm, I wasn’t afraid of doing it, but I also didn’t want it,” Rin responded, opening her eyes and giving me the kind of look that felt as if she were looking into me. “You want to, but you’re afraid. It’s like yin and yang, AM and PM, soy sauce and chili.”

“Not sure that last one is a great comparison,” Hisao added with an amused glance towards Rin before facing me. “But I get the gist of what you’re trying to say.”

I thought I could also grasp what Rin was attempting to tell me, at least partially. In my heart I knew that I wanted to go, to meet other authors and storytellers and hopefully share and refine my ideas. But at the same time it would be me going to a place full of veteran authors. I’d be surrounded by strangers who would be my senior many times over, where I could barely stand being around those that were my peers.

“I-I see…” Was all I could say, unable to really find a proper way to answer that dilemma. “W-Well, I have time t-to think about it, b-but I definitely feel like going.”

“If you do, I hope it goes well,” Hisao said with a reassuring smile, to which Rin nodded in agreement.

“T-Thank you.” I responded, feeling a little better despite the uncertainty I still had.

---

Dinner and dessert passed happily between the three of us, the cakes being a sweet end to it before we cleaned up. Once that was done we retreated to our rooms, either to do our work or simply to relax in solitude.

Despite being extremely close, Hisao and Rin seemed to have unofficially agreed to not talk to me much after a certain point in the day, which I was perfectly fine with. It was enough to know that they were around if I needed them.

It was getting close to bedtime when I exited my room to pour myself some water to drink. I spotted Hisao sitting on the balcony floor, a cup of something hot in his hand, gently steaming. Rin wasn’t beside him, and I couldn’t help but find that notable as the two are almost inseparable.

“Hisao?” I called out as I approached the balcony door. , He turned and faced me, a serene look on his face. Peaceful, if not exactly happy.

“Hey,” he said softly with a sigh, taking a sip of what looked to be hot chocolate. “Just taking a break from all the assignments. It can be hard to believe, but even I have a limit on how many scientific texts I can read though.”

I laugh a little before deciding to sit beside him. “Y-You’re right, I do find it hard to believe.”

Hisao smiled at me, and the two of us enjoyed a brief and comfortable silence before I asked him, “How’s Rin?”

“She’s…” Hisao looked up at the sky before continuing, which I couldn’t help but see as something he got from Rin. “Alright. Passed out after finishing a painting, so I carried her to bed.”

I nodded, feeling mildly worried at the fact that Rin had done something like that again. Like Hisao and me, she wasn’t free from the assignments placed upon her by her university, which was much stricter than the art club she had been in prior. There were some days where she would simply work in her studio, only emerging after Hisao went in and convinced her to eat dinner or take a break.

We all had to do similar things to keep up with our respective curriculums, yet I couldn’t help but be concerned about Rin, perhaps due to similar periods back when we were Yamaku. My experiences paled in comparison to Hisao, and while I certainly trusted him to help her, it wasn’t quite enough to make me think everything was fine.

“H-How is she?” I asked again in a more serious tone.Hisao picks up on my concern and looks right at me, his expression mirroring my worries.

“She’s…under pressure,” Hisao admitted with a frown, looking away from me as he sounded like a frustrated parent. “Obviously this is the first time she’s going through a proper art course, with assignments and briefs and all that. She can’t paint whatever she wants, so she’s practicing how to paint to meet the requirements of an assignment.”

“I-I see…” I mumbled, feeling as if I’d opened Pandora’s box.

“It hasn’t gotten too bad, yet,” he continued with a forcibly optimistic tone, then he let out a sigh and leaned back. “She just gets so focused on finishing the assignment, and feels so tired afterwards. And even when she has the chance and wants to paint for herself, she feels too burnt out to do it sometimes. Honestly, I decided to cook dinner with her today to keep her mind off things, at least for a little while.”

“I-Is there anything I can do?” I asked immediately, feeling as if I should help her, to take some of the burden off of Hisao.

“It’s fine,” he insisted, a firm look on his face. “She told me to keep her…tethered to the world, in her own words. I’m keeping an eye out for her, making sure she doesn’t push herself too hard, or become too despondent. It hasn’t been easy…but she’s managing, I think.”

Hisao took a deeper sip of his hot chocolate, finishing most of it in a single gulp before letting out an ‘ahhhh’. “I feel like I need another one,” he muttered in dissatisfaction. “Do you want one?”

“S-Sure…” I said, and he stood up and stretched before leaving me alone on the balcony, looking up at the night sky.

I couldn’t help but note how surprisingly popular this part of our home ended up being, having seen Rin and Hisao sit here dozens of times. Sometimes talking, sometimes in silence and even sometimes drifting off to sleep. I had to be the one to wake them up if that happened, though it definitely felt as if I was disturbing them.

Occasionally I would join them as well, sitting on another corner of the balcony and simply…being there. There was no particular reason why the balcony was so special, as the night sky could easily be seen through our windows, and the fresh air could be felt by opening them. It would certainly seem preferable to be sitting on a chair or a bed rather than on a cold floor, back leaning against a hard wall.

And yet the three of us met up here more than we did in our own rooms, or even the living room. For Rin and Hisao there was an intimate reason why they would do so, a part of their relationship that like many other aspects I couldn’t fully grasp yet found beautiful nonetheless. But my reasons merely boiled down to the desire to spend time with them, whether it’d be here or anywhere else.

For the first time since I was in the orphanage, I wasn’t living alone. And while the former ended extremely badly, I had faith that this wouldn’t. Meeting the two out here on this balcony merely reaffirmed that belief.

“Mm…”

As if on cue, I turn around to see Rin standing behind the balcony door, looking extremely exhausted. There were bags under her eyes that seemed much more magnified then it usually was, and her expression was oddly serene as she walked past it to sit down beside me without a word.

“H-Hi, Rin,” I said softly and cautiously, and she responded with nothing more than a grunt.

It was at that point that Hisao emerged again, taking one look at the two of us before letting out a sigh and setting the cups down onto the floor in front of us. “I’ll make another one.”

Rin stared down at the cup in front of her, looking as if she was going to pick it up with her feet, but ultimately didn’t. Instead she leaned back with eyes that looked as if she were only half-conscious. I took my cup and was about to take a sip, before seeing how wasted she seemed and decided to lift it to her lips instead.

She looked at it and then at me. “Hisao usually does that.”

Despite her comment, Rin took a sip out of the cup anyways, and I set it down once I knew she wasn’t intending to take another. I took the chance to drink some of my own, the liquid hot and sweet in equal measure as it warmed my throat and then my stomach.

“A-Are you alright?” I asked carefully.

“Yes. No. Yes but no, but also yes and no.” Rin replied in a very quick manner, a complete surprise given her slow and lethargic state, but it seemed to have exhausted her more.

“What’s the feeling where you’re going a long way and you’re tired, and you stop for a while but in that ‘while’ you don’t want to go back but you also don’t want to go on,” Rin mumbled, looking up at the sky with a blank stare, shaking her head slightly. “I feel like that.”

“I think that’s just called being tired,” Hisao answered as he got back with a third cup, sitting on the other side of Rin before finishing his sentence. “After doing a lot of work that you don’t want to do, but you have to do it anyways.”

“Yes. That. Thank you, Hisao,” Rin replied, sounding more grumpy than grateful.

“Well, you’ve finished your assignments now,” Hisao pointed out, trying to cheer her up while holding her cup to her lips, which she sipped from again.

“I did?” Rin asked, sounding genuinely surprised. “I didn’t think I finished, or would ever finish even though I knew I would.”

“That's why you asked me to keep track of it,” Hisao replied, affectionately brushing her messy red hair, which had some bits of paint on it. “So I can give you the good news when you are done.”

“But I’m only done now,” Rin complained as her head rested on Hisao’s side, sounding genuinely emotional about it as well, which was surprising as I expected such an outburst from Emi or even Hisao before her. “I want to be done forever.”

“It doesn’t work that way,” Hisao said in consolation, drinking his own hot chocolate.

“I want it to,” Rin replied, as if it were possible.

“I know…” Hisao said in a defeated tone that seemed to indicate that this line of thought should be discarded to prevent demoralizing anyone else further.

The two leaned into each other more as Rin closed her eyes, looking as if she was going to fall asleep then and there. Hisao simply sipped more of his hot chocolate, and soon there was nothing more than the sounds of the city as we stared at the world beyond the balcony again.

A part of me wanted to leave them, not because I felt bored or awkward, but simply because they had a closeness that I didn’t share with them. While I’m sure they wouldn’t see it that way, looking at them as they so intimately shared the moment made me feel as if I was intruding.

“Mm, it feels nice,” Rin commented as Hisao brushed his hand on her hair repeatedly in a motion that seemed to soothe her. “Being like this, with you and Hanako. I want it to be like this forever.”

I couldn’t help but blush as she mentioned wanting me around forever, though neither of them seem to notice.

“M-Me too…” I answered back.

“Well, it’ll be like this for at least until we graduate,” Hisao assured her, kissing her forehead. “But I think we need to go to bed. We’ve got classes in the morning.”

Rin let out a groan that surprised me in how…normal it was, like a typical student dreading the idea of attending school. Even so, she nodded soon afterwards as Hisao helped her finish the hot chocolate. I tried to take another sip before realizing that I was out as well.

“I-I’ll clean the cups,” I said firmly. “Y-You two can go to bed first.”

The two looked at me briefly before Rin said. “Thank you…for being here, not just for cleaning the cups, though I guess I’m thanking you for that too.”

“Yeah, thanks.” Hisao added as the three of us got up. Hisao pulled Rin up by grabbing her shoulder, and she lazily rested against his chest.

“I-It’s no worry, have a good rest.” I said as they left for their bedroom. I closed the balcony door and took the cups to the kitchen, rinsing them in the sink. As I heard the doors to their rooms shut, I let out a sigh I didn’t know what I was holding back.

I went back to my room and noticed that it was quite a while past when I usually went to sleep, so I quickly brushed my teeth before hopping into bed, wrapping the sheets tightly around myself as I attempted to get some rest.

Unfortunately, rest didn’t come easy as I found myself spinning around on my bed, constantly changing positions to see if it would help me fall asleep. I could feel my heartbeat in my chest, thumping constantly as if to prevent me from reaching the doors of slumber.

I thought back to what Rin said just before we parted, that she wanted what the three of us had to last forever.

“Me too…” I whispered, even though she wasn’t there to hear me. I wrapped my arms tightly around a pillow for comfort. “Me too…”

This life that I had with them was something out of a fantasy for someone like me, to come home every day knowing that I had two people who I could trust and find comfort in. How long has it been since I’ve had that? The orphanage? Or when I still had my parents?

A part of me couldn’t help but wait for the other shoe to drop someday, for it all to end with me being isolated again. The thought would have made me feel despondent, but now I felt desperate and even angry at myself for harboring those feelings.

“Together…forever…” I mumbled as exhaustion finally took hold, though it wasn’t enough for me to sleep quite yet.

[Jaletta]

I just want to say thank you so much for posting a genuine fic about Rin that's true to character, extends to post-Yamaku, and incorporates other characters. It's been great reading through the whole thing, and it's so fitting that it ends on Hanako's note.

Your writing has generally been fantastic, and your dialogue splendid - your Rin is very faithful to the game whilst also being developed enough to get her to the point where she is now. I don't want to say too much purely to keep myself in this bliss that the most recent chapter has placed me within, but you're an absolute superstar for this fic. It's been different, has a different Hisao and incorporates a lot of the more interesting story elements that aren't touched upon in other fics. Obviously, I wish it could be longer, with Emi/Miki expanded upon a bit more, but as someone who's gone through this stage of life, I actually deem it quite realistic that they take a backseat after Yamaku ends.

Again, thank you so much for this fic as a Rin lover - you smashed it, and if you feel the need to continue it, I'll be the first one here. God speed

[MoashLannister]

Chapter 20: You And Me

“Miss Tezuka…”

I heard that buzzing noise again, but I pretended not to so I could finish off this painting. It felt like it needed more orange…or maybe blue…or maybe both…or neither.

Painting was always hard for me even though some people said I made it look easy. Apparently it was easier for me than it was for them. But now that I’d been painting things that aren’t part of me, it felt like I’ve been doing it while my mind was slowly sinking into quicksand, trying to finish before it suffocated completely.

I told Hisao that and wondered if I should actually try and suffocate, since people work better when their life is threatened. Hisao said I absolutely can’t, so I didn’t try. It’d make him worried and sad, and I don’t want that.

I don’t want to paint this either, but I’d rather do this than upset him.

“Miss Tezuka…”

That buzzing sound again, like a fly even though I knew it was from a human. I could see him approaching me, his head poking out of the easel, but I just continued to fill out the scene of a sunset over a beach. I liked painting sunsets sometimes, over that dandelion field me and Hisao used to go to, or from our apartment balcony. But the assignment said I have to paint a beach, so I painted a beach.

“Miss Tezuka, would you please respond?”

He sounded annoyed, and I looked up to see Mr. Martin staring at me, his face like stone. Sometimes his face is like wool, other times like a campfire, but this time it’s a rock.

“Mm, I’m finishing the assignment,” I said, putting down the brush and yawning but not napping. Last time I took a nap in the gallery, Mr. Martin had the same face as the one he’s having now. “You need it done by tomorrow, so I need to complete it today.”

“I understand that,” Mr. Martin responded, his face softening to not quite wool. “But there is a matter I’d like to discuss with you.”

“Is it about my assignments?” I asked. “It always is, without fail. You’re very reliable that way, though it’s not the kind of reliability that I like.”

“...Duly noted.” He needed a pause before answering for some reason, letting out a sigh before looking at a folder in his hand. “Anyways, you do realize that it is nearing the end of the semester, yes?”

“It is?” I find myself surprised despite knowing today’s exact date, and therefore should know that it’s been almost four months since I started university. It feels like being shocked at being punched in the face, except the punch has been winding up for so long that you forget that it’s supposed to do that.

“It is.” Mr. Martin fliped a page on his folder, looking at a part of it that is making him show his teeth a little. “And we’ll be having an exhibition of our artwork during the last day.”

“We will?”

I think my questions are making him show his teeth more and more, even though I don’t think they’re making him hungry.

“We will,” he repeated firmly, and I nod before his face softens into wool. Even though I don’t think I like him all that much, I do like him a little. He never shows his stoney face for too long, plus he gave me some chocolate that one time. “And that means you’ll need to produce something to show.”

“Oh,” I say. I looked down at the ground before saying something I don’t like to say. “What do I have to paint?”

That question. My mouth has given voice to it so many times, like someone playing a CD over and over again, even though they don’t like listening to it. Even so, I knew I had to paint something that Mr. Martin wanted, so…

“You’ll get to choose what you wish to paint.”

“What?” I asked, looking right up at him, and he took a step back as his eyes widened.

“It’s completely up to you, as long as you produce something.” I heard his words, but it felt like a part of me couldn't listen to them. “You can paint as many pieces as you want as well, within reason of course. This is a chance to showcase what you’ve learnt over the semester.”

“...What?”

“Um…do you…not understand?”

“No, I understand,” I replied. “But…I also don’t as well.”

Mr. Martin sighed and sats down beside me, which he sometimes does when he wants me to really hear him. Most of the time I do, though sometimes I think about how the world outside could be raining chocolate or have flying pigs and I wouldn’t know because I have to be here.

“I know this semester has been…difficult for you. You are not the first free spirit that I’ve had in my classes, wishing to express whatever comes to your heart. But unfortunately I’m mandated to have some regularity in my course, if only to be fair to those that require such things to truly refine their artistic skills.”

I nodded a few times, turning to look at him. His eyes were blue like the sky, and his hair was dyed blue as well, as blue as the sea and just as wavy, but not nearly as pretty.

“And if it means anything to you, I think you’ve done quite well given your obvious disillusionment with my assignments. I can see the effort as well as the strain, and while I’m not sure if this is an adequate recompense for that, it is at least the chance to unleash that creative freedom that I’ve held back all this time.”

“Mm, this feels…weird. Like I’ve been given something sweet after a long time but my tongue doesn’t know what sweet is anymore.” I shook my head a little, and I returned to finish my painting while Mr. Martin watched me. He does that sometimes with his students, usually telling them what to do. With me he’s mostly quiet though.

“I likely know the answer to this, but do you enjoy this class, Ms Tezuka?”

“No,” I answered as I put a dash of orange around where the sun is, mixing it with the dark blue. I’d spent a lot of time painting the sky, thinking about how nice it would be to fly on a beach instead of walking on the sand, which I don’t like because it’s so bristly and jaggy and annoying. Going barefoot made it feel like my feet were on fire, but wearing shoes meant that sand got everywhere.

“Well, I appreciate your honesty,” Mr. Martin laughed, though I don’t think he found what I said funny. It’s weird when people laugh at something like that, or when they smile when they’re not happy. I sometimes do that, but that just makes me weird. “If I may ask then, why did you decide to take this course?”

“Mm…because I wanted to.”

“Really? It doesn’t seem like you do sometimes.”

“I don’t want to, but other people do,” I added, painting on the sand while imagining that my feet were on them, like being pricked with thousands of little knives. It reminded me of acupuncture sessions that my mom used to do, though I couldn't see why she did them. “I want what those other people want, even though sometimes it feels like I want to just say no. They want me to be good, so I’ll be good for them.”

“I see.” Mr. Martin seemed to both understand and not understand, but didn't say anything more which made me think he was fine with that, like how a traveler is just fine staying at a hotel on the way before heading back home.

“Done,” I said, putting down my brush and taking a deep breath, needing more air. Mr. Martin took the canvas and studied it, smiling in a way that reminded me of Nomiya.

“A good piece as always, Ms Tezuka,” he eventually said, nodding at the painting like it’s his boss. “You and I don’t see eye to eye when it comes to the nature of assignments, but I will never say that you produce works of poor quality.”

Seeing him look so happy at something that I didn’t feel anything towards, thinking about the exhibition and what I’m going to do, and telling Hisao about all of it. These thoughts spun inside my head like those metal top toys boys liked to play with, though as I got up I knew exactly what I wanted to tell Mr. Martin. It took a lot of energy and effort, but after knowing him for months I felt like I needed to say it despite how hard it is to do so before.

“...Can I go?”

---

“An exhibition, huh?” Hisao took another biscuit and ate it, all while I laid my head on his lap. I turned my head upwards and remembered that the sun was glaring at me like I owed it something, so I just twisted back to look at Hisao’s stomach. “How do you feel about it?”

“Better than homework,” I muttered, finding even the word ‘homework’ to be tiring, a spell from a dark wizard. “But a lot of things are better than homework. You. Hanako. A bento box. Curry.”

He suddenly put a biscuit in my mouth, and I ate it off his fingers. All I could see was his shirt and the tree he was leaning on, but I knew he was reading a book about science. I’d tried it once, and it made me feel like I was in a strange world, one with stuff like ‘nuclear-fission’ and ‘quantum particles’.

Hisao tried to tell me that our world was made up of quantum particles, but I didn’t believe him.

“Does it affect your final grade?”

“I think so,” I replied as he fed me another biscuit. “I don’t know how much though.”

“Considering all the work you’ve done, I think you’ve secured a passing grade at least,” he said, trying to calm me down. “If you feel uncomfortable, maybe you can skip it?”

“...No.”

He put his book down, which made me look up at him. His face was pretty, not like the marble statues that I’m forced to look at during class, but the kind that gets more and more warm each time I see it. I wondered if this was how Mom saw Dad, but that made me think of other stuff between them and I almost groaned.

“Have you gotten a passing grade, Hisao?” I asked, knowing what he wanted to say without saying it.

“Yeah,” he answered. “I mean, my grades won’t come out until the semester’s completely over, but it’d be pretty embarrassing for me if I didn’t at this point.”

“Then why are you still reading?”

Hisao seemed to understand what I was trying to tell him, and I smiled at that. He’s gotten really good at knowing how I think and speak, because he’s trying but also because I’m trying to.

“Because I want to improve, and I enjoy it,” he admitted. “...But I don’t think you generally enjoy exhibitions, do you?”

“Mm, maybe I can try to,” I said. “I need to work, right? It’s what Hanako and you are doing, and what you’ll both do after college. We need to make money.”

“Is that what you’re worried about?”

“No, but I’m like a fisherman right now, using a small reason as bait to lure a bigger reason. I want another biscuit,” Hisao fed me another one before I continued. “I’m taking this course because I want to be an artist, but I already am. So it’s not just that, but to become more than an artist.”

“Sounds like what Hanako’s going through,” Hisao pointed out, and I nodded. Hanako ended up accepting the offer her teacher gave her, and came back smiling afterwards. A very beautiful smile, as gentle as the sun. “She’s going to a novelist’s seminar with her lecturer over the weekend. I admit, it’s a bit weird to see her go out to a social event without us.”

“In a good way,” I added.

“Yeah…well, mostly.”

“Mostly,” I repeated, realizing that I agreed. “No dinner with her on Saturday feels wrong. But she’s happy so it feels less wrong.”

“Back to the topic at hand,” Hisao ruffled my hair, and I yawned. “You said you wanted to become more than an artist?”

“More than an artist? A different kind of artist? The same artist but…more? Hard to say…” I closed my eyes and tried to picture what I meant, as I usually try to do when I’m trying to explain things to Hisao, but the image I got was blurry. Someone rubbed their hands all over the canvas before the paint dried.

“Someone that isn’t you right now,” Hisao offered, and I lifted my head up from his lap to stare at him.

“Yes,” I said, and kissed him on the lips. Because I wanted to and because he managed to know me despite me not knowing me that well. “Thank you, Hisao. Someone who isn’t me right now, but who I feel like I need to be. Because you and Hanako are doing the same thing.”

“I’m sure you can do it,” Hisao responded with a smile that made me kiss him again, his lips a magnet to my iron. “You have a few weeks before the end of your semester, so that’s plenty of time.”

“...I think,” I got up and looked at the sky. It was an evening sky, like the beach painting I submitted as an assignment, but much better to look at. “I don’t know what I’m going to paint.”

“You’ll think of something.” Hisao promised, sounding more sure than me, which made me a little more sure.

“Mm, I’m thinking of something. I just can’t paint it right now.”

The two of us watched the sun go down, and then we got up and decided to go home. The park we’d found a few months ago was a nice place to relax, and I’d even slept there once or twice. Hisao wouldn’t let me do it overnight, though he suggested that we could go camping, but I said no.

On the way back, Hisao stopped by a shop and looked through a window, seeing a bunch of dresses, suits and jewelry. He looked at it like there was something important there, enough that he might want to break the glass to go get it even though it would have made him go to jail.

“Hisao?” I mumbled, needing to sleep. There was no assignment between now and the exhibition, which meant that I could sleep as long as I wanted, except for 25 hours in a day because I couldn’t break the laws of time like how I could break Mom’s rule of not eating cookies multiple days in a row.

“Oh, sorry,” he said, and we continued walking. “I got…distracted.”

“By what?” I asked, knowing it was something in the shop. But there weren’t any science books, or equipment or anything else, so it was like guessing a present from a relative you barely knew.

“Something you’ll find out…eventually…hopefully…”

“Now you sound like me,” I said, leaning my head on his shoulder. “And now I feel weird because I don’t know what you’re thinking. It’s usually the other way around.”

“I’ll tell you in the future, promise.” Hisao sounded serious, even though I didn’t think the subject was serious before, but now it seemed like it should be.

“Promise,” I repeated.

---

“I think I’m broken, Hanako,” I said, staring at the empty canvas.

“A-Ah…” Hanako didn’t know what to say, which made me grumble a bit as I picked up a brush with my feet, but even though I tried to dip it into a bottle of paint I couldn't. I didn’t know what color to use because I didn’t know the colors of what I’m painting because I didn’t know what I was painting.

“I don’t know what to paint. Do you ever feel like this?” I asked.

Hanako nodded.“I-It’s called writer’s block,” she answered. “S-Sometimes you just c-can’t bring yourself to write for some reason…”

“Mm, I used to paint stuff this semester because I was told to, but now I’m told I can paint whatever I want but now I paint nothing. It’s like I’m a robot that changed settings, except now I need to switch back to the old settings but don’t have the memory, except robots who paint don’t really exist.”

I put my brush down and lay down on the floor. Hanako looked concerned even though I’m not really in danger of starving or falling off a building.

“I need to do this,” I said. “But I can’t…and the exhibition is going to happen soon.”

“Y-You still have time, right?” I nodded in response, even though I don’t really have a lot of it, just a week or so. “M-Maybe you just need some inspiration.”

“Inspiration…” I closed my eyes and tried to picture what I wanted to paint, but the image I got was blurry, and I’m starting to really hate blurry images. “I feel like my head’s on fire and freezing at the same time.”

“Uh…well…it’s still early in the afternoon. Why don’t you take a break and then you can try again after lunch?” Hanako suggested.

“Can we get sushi?” I rolled up to my feet.

“O-Of course!” Hanako got up as well, and the two of us left the apartment to go eat. It felt a little lonely without Hisao, but he had an exam to go to so he had to be away, but at least Hanako was here. If both of them were gone, I’d feel so alone. So…alone…

When we reached outside, I looked all around me again and again. I was like those large telescopes looking at the universe, trying to find a specific star from hundreds of thousands of them, except instead of a star it’s something that can help me paint.

Was it in the sky? No.

Was it in the mother and child holding hands? No.

Was it in the cars that were rushing by in front of me? No, but it made me realize that Hanako was holding my shoulder tightly, helping me make sure that I wasn’t going where I shouldn’t..

“I’m not going to walk into a car,” I said in the same way I would say I’m going to get something to eat.

“A-Alright…” Hanako replied, and I felt…something. Something that was already gone, but I remembered it was there, for a second.

We reached a sushi place not too far from our home. Whenever I saw it I always thought of the place me, Mom and Dad would go for sushi, in an old building with an even older man. It made me think of sushi as old, despite the fact that old sushi would probably give me a stomachache.

The two of us sat down on chairs in front of a conveyor belt as sushi went by us, waiting to be picked up. We ordered some tea and Hanako grabbed sushi that she liked, as well as ones that I asked her to get.

“Mm, Hisao isn’t here…” I noted.

“Y-Yeah, I-I hope he’s doing well in the exam,” Hanako said, not getting what I meant.

“Mm, he’s not here to feed me,” I added, which made her face light up, and I could see a light bulb turning on in her head. I got that image from an old cartoon, but I wondered where the cartoon got it from.

“O-Oh…right…” Hanako looked down at the table, her voice getting quieter. “U-Um…I-I can help you eat the…sushi.”

“I can eat the sushi, I just can’t get it into my mouth unless I lower my head to the table. Only chopsticks here”

“I-I’ll lift them up to you.”

“Really?” I asked, and she nodded.

“R-Really…”

“Do you want to?” I asked, and this time her head remained still, looking at me. There was a bit of a smile on her face, but also a bit of that looked like she was in a haunted mansion, even though this sushi place isn’t haunted. At least it doesn’t feel that way, and I’d think I’d know.

“Y-Yes,” I looked down at the chopsticks in her hand, and noticed that they were shaking. “I-I would like to.”

“Ok.” I opened my mouth, and she took a piece of sushi and placed it in, which I chewed slowly. “Mm…tastes salty, and good.”

Hanako went between putting sushi in her mouth and in mine, the both of us eating without talking as I looked at her blushing face, and suddenly the feeling I got earlier returned. Closing my eyes I tried to focus on it, a rat inside my head by catching its tail.

And suddenly I could see it, the things I wanted to paint. I had the canvases in front of me already, full of color and life and all around me. But they weren’t real to anyone else but me, not until I actually pulled them out of my world.

When I tried to see it again Hanako had some sushi right in front of me, and I ate it. This time I chewed quickly, because I wanted to talk. “Thank you, Hanako.”

“Y-You’re welcome,” she replied with a smile, still blushing. “H-Helping you eat is the least I can do.”

“Not that…well…that too,” I corrected. “I think I can paint now, like someone turned on a switch in my head.”

“T-That’s good!” Hanako exclaimed. “O-Once we’re done eating, should we go back?”

“No, I want Hisao nearby when I start,” I answered, feeling sure that I needed him if I wanted to try. I needed him for a lot of things. “We can do other stuff. I don’t think the two of us ever do stuff, unless it’s with Hisao, or Emi, or Miki.”

“T-Then, if I might suggest something…there’s a bookstore that M-Ms Mariko told me about. It has a lot of really old and out-of-print books,” Hanako sounded really excited about it, and while it doesn’t make me excited, it makes me want to be. “S-So…if we could go there…that’d be nice.”

I nodded, which made her happy. I liked Hanako whenever she’s happy.

---

“Next, Hisao.”

Hisao nodded and switched the painted canvas for a blank one, and I heard him yawn loudly, which he had been doing for a while now. It was like an alarm clock, except trying to get you to sleep instead of waking you up.

“I’m glad we’re doing this after my test…” He mumbled, and I immediately began painting. My legs were feeling a bit pained, but I still wanted to finish this before the fire in my head went out.

There were already three other paintings on the floor in my art room from previous days, all of them showing a different memory. Hisao on a bed next to me; eating lunch with Hanako, Emi and Miki; and walking on the side of a street with Mom and Dad. They looked like how I imagined them in my head, and when Hisao looked at them he could tell what they were.

“Do we have more purple?” I asked when I dipped my brush into a bottle and realized that it was empty. Hisao looked around but couldn’t seem to find another bottle of purple paint. “I’ll mix red and blue then.”

“Sounds good…” Hisao said, and from the corner of my eye I saw him pick up the canvas of me and himself and stare at it . “This looks…pretty realistic by your standards.”

“Mm, is that good or bad?” I didn’t turn to him when I said that, feeling like if I looked away from the canvas it’d be blank when I saw it again.

“Just…not usually your style,” Hisao pointed out. “I figured after the assignments you’d want something more…abstract?”

“Maybe if I was normal me,” I answered, painting a bunch of squares around a person, filling the shapes with colors now. “But I’m not normal right now, even though normal me is not really normal for other people.”

“Is it a good ‘not normal’?” he asked, and I stopped to think whether it was. Hisao made me do that a lot.

“Mostly good, like how a cookie with less chocolate chips than normal is mostly good,” I answered, his question making me ask more in my head. “Annoying…”

“What’s annoying?”

“The exhibition,” I responded, suddenly realizing something about it as I put more red on the person’s head, wondering if people would think that she was on fire. “People will be there looking at my art, and looking at me. They’ll say things.”

“Ah, yeah…” Hisao wanted to help me but didn’t know how. Usually I didn’t either, but this time I did, even though the words were still in my head. Or stomach. Or lungs. Wherever words are.

“They’ll ask me about the paintings, and I’ll probably need to tell them,” I said like how I said I’ll need to pull a splinter out of my foot. “If I become a real artist, I’ll need to do it again and again and again, for every piece of art.”

“Not every,” He sounded a bit quieter before continuing. “...Just the ones you intend to sell.”

“So every piece of art I’ll show to other people.” I frowned at that, and the next stroke I made had a little more force than I wanted it to. “I’m not good at talking about my art, or me.”

“You did fine at your last one, back at Yamaku,” Hisao said, and I believed him.

“Mm, I’m not good because I don’t want to be,” I added as I filled the squares with colors, from cyan to brown to green. “Like how I don’t want to clean the floor.”

“Um, I do that.”

“Or make hot chocolate even though I want to drink it.”

“I do that too.”

“Or study science.”

“Uh…Rin?”

“I’m trying to tell you something, Hisao,” I said as I looked at him, my eyes half closed and frowning a little, though it wasn’t a sad or angry frown.

“Sorry, sorry.” Hisao looked like he still didn’t get it, until a light bulb lit up in his head too. “You want me to be your…interpreter? Translator?”

“I’m still going to speak Japanese,” I responded, but leaned my head towards him and bushed it against his chest, because he got it right in a different way. “But what I speak won’t be what I mean to them, so I’ll need you to tell them what I mean.”

He didn’t say anything, and looked afraid in the way that someone is afraid of failing a test rather than ghosts or guns or tomatoes. I went back to painting, the wall around the person being as black as I can manage.

Some time passed, but I didn’t know how long. Probably a long time, as Hisao left and entered a couple of times. All I knew was that I finished painting, the person with red hair looking at the squares, which were now frames with different paintings inside. Looking at it was like looking at worlds inside a world.

“Tell me what I mean by this painting.”

I turned to look at Hisao, my face tightening as I kept my head still like a statue. He still looked nervous, but not as much anymore. He studied the painting for a little bit, and I could see something in his eyes, like there was a bit of my eyes in them.

“It’s you…staring at a bunch of paintings.”

I rolled my eyes, which Hisao does whenever someone says something obvious, and I’d begun to copy him.

“Yes,” I said. “But I think other people can see that too.”

“Right…well, some of the paintings all look like the ones you’ve made during your college year, at least near the center. The ones near the edge are how you usually paint.”

“Mhm.” I felt that he was getting closer, and smiled a little. He saw that and smiled too, which made me smile more.

“This is…how you’re feeling about the exhibition. Or, how you see the exhibition. The paintings in the center are ones that you’re trying to make for the people who’ll see it.”

“Mm, I’ve been doing these kinds of paintings during my course,” I said grumpily. “I didn’t like doing them, and I don’t think I do now, but they’ve become a part of me. Like how a scar is a part of someone…”

“Is that how you see them? A scar?” He sounded worried, and I didn’t want him to.

“No, more like…puberty.” I answered.

“And the ones at the edge are the paintings that you did before that, a part of you that’s been pushed back.”

“Yes, Hisao,” I sighed, that ‘yes’ feeling heavier than a word should be. “I want to paint like that again, but I can’t right now. Maybe I can’t until the exhibition is over, or after I graduate. Or maybe ever.”

He wrapped his arms around me, and suddenly I lost the ability to sit up straight and I fell into him.

“Thank you for understanding, Hisao…” I mumbled, feeling so tired now. “This is how I’m feeling now, even though I know it’s not true. Like feeling Santa is real even though he’s not.”

“I hope that’s true…” he said, and he hugged me tighter.

“That’s why I want you to speak for me, to be my words…you can understand me…and them…” I yawned, and what I wanted to say got replaced by something else. “I want to sleep…”

“I think you’ve done enough painting for the night…or morning,” Hisao suggested. “Let’s have a shower and go to bed.”

“Mm, alright…” I nodded and Hisao helped pull me up, leading me to the bathroom where he quickly took off our clothes. We’ve done that a lot since coming here, most of the time to clean ourselves, but also to make ourselves dirty and then clean ourselves.

It’s a kind of dirty I feel fine with, along with the kind that had paint on my clothes and face. We haven’t done it in a long time I think, but I was too tired to ask about it. The moment the hot water of the shower hit my body, I felt like my spirit was trying to leave my body, only being bound by the fact that Hisao’s hands were rubbing soap on me.

“Mm, you’re gentler than when Emi does it…” I said, not because I wanted him to know that, but because I felt like if I didn’t speak I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from sleeping here. If I did, Hisao would have to carry me, and I didn’t want him to do that.

“Was she really rough?” he asked.

“Enough to make me annoyed,” I responded, and then nuzzled my head on his chest, making him laugh a little. “You’re both ticklish in the same place, though.”

“H-Hey…stop…” His voice was high, and despite telling me to stop I continued to use my head to make him laugh. Sometimes I wished I could wash his body, but the shower wasn’t big enough for me to use my legs comfortably. Maybe if I taped a bar of soap on my head…

“Ok,” I said before stopping, taking a step back. “My head feels woozy. I hear a lot of college students feel that after taking drugs.”

“Er…Rin…”

“I know they’re bad, Hisao. My Dad said he’ll kill me if I take any, so I won’t.”

“That’s good to hear…” He continued to wash me, and afterwards cleaned his own body before turning the shower off, drying the both of us with a towel before we put on some clothes. For me, it was a loose shirt and nothing else, while for Hisao he put pajama pants on.

We dropped onto the bed immediately, Hisao wrapping a blanket around us. I quickly closed my eyes, even though I wanted to see him more. To talk to him more. To feel him more.

But…I was too tired. And the way his hand was on my cheek made me feel like I would see him tomorrow, when I woke up. Sometimes a little part of me would be afraid that he wouldn’t be there, but I believe that he would.

Always.

---

“Hey, Rin. What does this look like?”

I looked over to see Hisao’s sketch pad, and twisted my head to try and figure out what he drew.

“Mm…it’s a square…and another square on top of both. Am I right, Hisao?”

“Yeah!” Hisao responded, sounding happy as a gust of wind blew into our faces, the trees making a rustling sound.

“Is that what you wanted to draw?” I asked.I watched Hanako eating a cookie as she read a book. She was the one that suggested we have a picnic here, since we had the time.

Time. I had a lot of it, but also not enough.

“It’s the first step, I still need to work on adding some detail…” Hisao’s smile faded as he looked like I did when I thought about the exhibition. “Unfortunately, being the boyfriend of a good artist does not make me one.”

“Mm, like how I’m not a good scientist, or how neither of us are good writers.” I pointed out, and Hanako lifted her book closer to her face, hiding behind it. “Hisao, what are you drawing?”

“It’s a secret.” He responded, but I didn’t want that answer so I frowned. “You’ll find out eventually.”

“Why can’t I find out now?”

“Because I’m not ready to tell you,” Hisao said as he continued to draw with his hands, something that I couldn’t do. Seeing other people use them always made me feel a little weird, even though I know that I’m the one who’s weird. Like the sun thinking campfires are hot. “But if you can guess correctly, I’ll tell you.”

I looked at what he was drawing, trying my best to imagine it. But it was foggy and I couldn’t think much about it.

“It’s a building.” I said, fairly certain of that.

“Yes, it is.” Hisao answered with a nod, drawing two tall circles in the middle of the sketch. “Anything else you can tell?”

“...No.” I groaned and just laid myself down on the grass, looking to the side and seeing some flowers blooming nearby. They made me think of dandelions even though they weren’t, and the field near Yamaku that I wanted to go back to with Hisao.

“I promise I’ll tell you,” Hisao sounded very serious, both talking to me and to someone else. “When I’m done…when I’m ready…”

“When you’re ready with the drawing? Or something else?” He looked down at me and smiled a little, and I smiled back. He wasn’t hiding anything bad, like a bomb hiding underneath a teddy bear.

Before he could say anything, I added, “It’s ok. I’ll wait…”

He leaned down and kissed my head before resuming drawing. “Thank you, Rin.”

[Frankyo]

I've caught up to the latest chapter and I've gotta give you my kudos, great fic that's accurate to the characters and has cute Hisao/Rin moments, that scratches the itch of a long and updated fic. I especially love your take on Hanako, though in her last pov chapter she wishes she could be like this together forever, but Rin and Hisao will likely move forward with their relationship, so I hope she gets her happy ending.