I'm back.
It's honestly tradition at this point. Bogged down by life, bogged down by my inability to keep things straight.
I got nothing. Sorry for the wait though, and apologies for the terse intro: it's 1:36am here and midnight is practically the only time I can actually work on this thing. I sorely, really do want to keep writing but Life is throwing everything in the kitchen sink to not let me. I'm hoping that with the conclusion of rewriting old drafts, I can actually write things on the move now, which would mean faster progress.
Fingers crossed.
Many thanks to Razoredge, Klauner, Moose and Aleucid for proofreading this one.
Scene 15: Wandering
“Come in!”
Wait, is that the Nurse?
Ritsu winces by my side as I grit my teeth, stopping myself from stepping backwards. Emi told me he was looking for me earlier, and I’m already not looking forward to this. I was hoping that there’s another medical officer stationed here, but alas. Regardless, Ritsu needs my help, his help. With my free arm I push the door handle down and inward.
And, of course, the first thing I see is his distinctive figure, standing next to a row of medical cabinets. “Oh, Hisao?” he greets me.” And …”
He immediately puts his folder down and approaches as Ritsu’s legs falter, forcing me to compensate. He quickly lifts Ritsu and gestures to me to hand her over. I oblige, carefully handing her limp body over as he easily lifts her up in his arms. “Hisao,” he orders me, “grab all the other pillows from the other beds, and put it on the one in front of me.”
I glance around and get to work, picking up all the pillows as he carries Ritsu over to the chosen bed. “Put the pillows under her knees, arms, shoulders,” he orders me again. I comply, placing them below Ritsu just as he places her on it, ensuring that she’s as safe as possible, if a little uncomfortable by the pose. I quickly step away as the Nurse leans down to listen for her breathing, and checks her pulse. He hastily returns to the cabinets and opens a few to inspect the folders, asking me along the way. “Nakai, what happened?”
“I … I dunno, I was just,” I stammer out. “We were just walking together from the cafeteria, and …” I grip myself on the railing of the medical bed to calm my nerves. Adrenaline is slowly draining itself, but the aftereffects are still there. The Nurse casts a worried glance at me. “Okay, I got her a water bottle, and after we talked, she tried to open it.”
The Nurse flips over some more pages, and reads one intently. He then hurries over to the rows of medical cabinets, taking out a syringe pack and a vial from the fridge below it. “Do continue, Nakai,” he says, putting on a pair of gloves as he taps on the needle.
I nod. “Alright. She tried to open it, which was difficult because of her big wrist braces. I wanted to help, but she waved me off. After that, she started squirming and dropped the bottle. Then she just … collapsed on the floor, and I rush her here.” I pause as the Nurse places equipment on a metal tray, carrying it to an unoccupied section of Ritsu's bed. He then quickly and professionally goes through the procedure that I have seen done on my own body so many times; he pulls up her sleeve, and hands me a strap to tighten above the elbow. I do so as he flicks the inner elbow lightly, tapping to locate the veins. He then gives her a piece of leather to bite on. “Sorry Ritsu,” he says offhandedly as he aims the needle at the located vein. I don’t know what he’s giving her, but seeing her comply so readily as she bites onto the leather and braces, I guess she knew this by heart. I drag a stool from the bed behind me closer and sit down.
I remember this procedure as clearly as I remember my times in the hospital; the nurses checking my arms for a new IV insertion point every few days. Something about fatigue and reducing infection chances, and that’s why the IV insertion needle can’t stay for more than a few days, or it’ll get really hard to close up. I can’t recall what the doctors said exactly.
Closing my eyes to remember, I grow keen to the smell of chlorine in this infirmary hall. This place feels too much like that cell I was chained to for four months.
Ritsu grimaces as the needle pierces her skin as she bites hard on the leather, whimpering in pain. I put my hand on her other arm, hoping it can reassure her that she’ll be fine. If it hurts that much just to open a bottle, getting injected probably hurts a lot more. I watch as the Nurse injects the syringe’s contents.
This is the least I can do. I wish I knew more, but oh well. Her eyes turn to me, glistening, before she quickly relaxes as the needle leaves her arm. The Nurse gently pulls the syringe out and pads the site with a cotton ball. “Hold that for a moment, Nakai,” he tells me. I nod and reach over to comply as he picks up the tray and walks off to the cabinets and sinks of the far wall. Presumably to throw away the needle. I see a biohazard bin.
Ritsu’s breathing has finally slowed down as she closes her eyes and relaxes. Keeping my hand on the cotton ball pressed against the injection site, I scoot over to that arm’s side so I don’t risk falling on top of her out of fatigue. The now quietened infirmary hall echoes with the Nurse’s footfalls on the ceramic tile floors as he comes back with a plaster and puts it on the cotton ball, patting it for good measure. “Alright,” he says, relieved, before returning to the sink to take off his gloves and wash his hands.
After what felt like a never ending rush of adrenaline, I let out a deep sigh. Returning to my stool, I sit down, now given the chance to take in the surroundings, wherever I ended up in this maze of a school-hospital. The infirmary hall is somewhat different from my personal definition of a school infirmary. Sure, there are the mandatory beds, six of them, each with their own blue drapes for privacy. Unlike my old school, though, each of the beds are sporting a variety of hospital-grade equipment sitting idly next to them, ready to be used if needed. I recognize one among the collection; an EKG machine, the same type that I was hooked up to by the doctors for a good portion of my four months in the hospital.
Yet another reminder of that place, and how I don’t want to be here. I try to ignore them and turn elsewhere.
The infirmary here is certainly larger than the one in my old school, and far cleaner and tidier. Whitewashed walls, ceramic tiles, fluorescent lights. I try to put together what I remember of the size of my classroom, and it fits squarely in half of this hall by itself. Through the windows, I can see the auxiliary building outside, as well as a portion of the gardens.
“Nakai.”
I shake my head, pulled out of my observation mania. Turning to the Nurse, who is sitting across Ritsu’s bed, I can see him wearing a frown. It’s a different frown from the first time I met him; that one was all smiles, and this one is more professional. “Nakai, right?” he asks again.
Not sure which is better, honestly. I nod. “Yeah, that’s me.”
He immediately shakes off the professionalism by chuckling to the side. What is it? “Sorry, sorry,” he says, reading my mind again. “Well, I must say, you’re full of surprise, for a new kid.”
I frown. “Sorry, I'm not sure what you’re getting at.”
“You said you were talking to her, right?”
Ah, right, I did. “It wasn’t anything big, I just asked if she could drum. She said no. We then talked a bit about our hometowns.”
His eyes widen a little, and he looks … happy? “Oh?”
I have a feeling this is because he’s familiar with Ritsu’s case, and if what Mao and Tsubaki told me is right, he probably has a hand in it. I steal another glance at Ritsu; she’s fast asleep. “Y-yeah, I already sorta knew that Ritsu has a problem talking to people. Apparently, she never talked with anyone here, except probably her psych.”
Instantaneously, his brightened demeanor vanishes, replaced with a stern stare. “Wait. How did you know that?”
That transition surprised me. I awkwardly point in the general direction of the town down the hill. “Uh, last night,” I tell him, sitting up straight. “Okay, so, I joined a band yesterday, and they thought about bringing me along for dinner downtown. We talked a bit, and I found out from them, Mao, about Ritsu’s situation.”
The Nurse looks behind him, at the double doors, before dragging a stool under him and sitting down. He folds his arms together as he pinches his forehead, looking intensely annoyed and disappointed. “Those Student Council folks, really …”
I shift in my seat. “I mean, I understand concerns about patient confidentiality and all that, but …”
He glances at me, and squints. He then sighs. “Be clear with me. You asked about Ritsu, or did they overshare?”
Shoot, he’s right on the money. I bite my lips, unsure whether to out them to him or not. The Nurse’s intense stare quickly pushes the balance to one end. “I … yeah, they wanted to tell me.”
Sorry, Mao and Tsubaki.
He raises an eyebrow. “And let me guess. It’s because you’re the only one that she responded to for smalltalk, and they want you to help open her up?”
I raise my hand, waving that idea off. “Actually, no, I mentioned asking if she can drum, right? That’s them asking me to ask her.” I pause. “You know, right? Mao’s band?”
The Nurse pauses and exhales tiredly. He seems to recognize the name. “Yeah. I know what’s going on. I get it, really, but … it’s not their business.”
I stay quiet after that point. As much as I appreciated being told about Ritsu and her background, he’s right. It’s not their business, nor mine. Even so, they were earnest in that they didn’t mean anything bad by it, as far as I can tell. Mao, maybe, but she’s driven by her desire to perform in the festival to the best of her abilities, for her fallen comrades’ sakes. All of it hinges on me, and my success.
To which, Ritsu said no.
Oh.
Oh right!
“Um, Nurse?”
“Yes?” He looks up at me.
“Can I leave? I gotta meet up with … the guys, and all--”
RING
Out of nowhere the bell rings, interrupting me. He looks up at the ringing bell, and shakes his head at me with a wry grin. “No, I suppose you can’t. Time for you to head back to class.”
Damn it. I bite my lips. I missed it. I am half tempted to ignore the bell and try to catch up to them, but as I stand up, my legs nearly buckle. The Nurse looks at me concerned, but I manage myself. I must have been tired from carrying Ritsu down two flights of stairs, and I don’t want to deal with him shouting down the hallway about my heart. I sigh, defeated. “Oh well,” I say, as I reach down to grab my bag, only to notice it’s not here. “Huh?”
“What is it?” the Nurse asks as he returns to his table.
“My bag.”
“I guess it’s upstairs?”
Oh yeah. I put it down to carry Ritsu. I chuckle to myself, a little embarrassed, and nod as I head to the door. Just as I open the door and turn to wave goodbye, the Nurse speaks up again. “Oh right, Nakai.”
My hand falls. “Hm? What is it?”
“Speaking of meet ups, meet me in the office after school, alright?”
Oh.
The door closes with a click.
Only now I just remembered. I stare at the door dumbfoundedly and take a deep breath.
Damnit. Goddamnit.
I shove away the reminder; there are more urgent matters to attend. Get my bag, and get to class. Hopefully, I can catch them along the way to apologize. I can do that; their class is on the way to mine. I can deal with the appointment later, but right now,
I need to find Shouhei; I’ll report Ritsu’s decisions to him and the others, and Mao can conjure up a plan from there.
Fast-walking as quickly as I can up the stairs, I reach the first floor’s landing already winded. I shake my head. No, now is not the time to get caught up with this stupid heart’s issues. I can’t help, however, but look back at the landing behind me, where I caught Ritsu staring at me.
Not right now. Busy.
I push open the stairwell door, and step into the hallway, finding it busy with students streaming from the double doors leading to the courtyard. Among the crowd, I can spot one sticking out like a sore thumb, a giant among the rest, standing still and scanning the crowd. He then spots me and waves at me.
He looks familiar, but his name slipped my mind.
I make my way over to him and notice that he has been watching over my bag. Looking closer at his bald head and squinty eyes, his name pops up in my head. “Ah, Taichi.”
“Hisao,” he says calmly with a small smile. He picks up my bag and offers it to me. I take it with a thankful bow and a relieved sigh. “Your bag. Recognized it’s yours from yesterday’s lunch. What happened?’
Okay, good, my bag is here. That's one. Taichi is here too, which means I don't have to run all the way upstairs to catch up to the rest. That's two. “Long story,” I answer, taking the bag as he offers it, and hoists it up my shoulder. ‘Thanks though. I’ll tell you as we go.”
We start making our way up to our classes, joining the foot traffic. “You know,” he says, “Tsubaki was a little miffed you didn’t show up, after telling us you would.”
I grimace. Knew it. “Ouch.”
“So, what is it?”
I look up at him. He’s serious, and it’s remarkably visible. I sigh again. “Okay, I’ll tell you. Basically …”
A little less harried now, and actually alone with him for once, I’m noticing that talking to him puts me in a very strange predicament. Rarely have I ever had to look up to talk to someone, let alone this extremely. Is this his disability? Gigantism? And as he speaks, asking me a few questions, his baritone voice clashes oddly with the average volume of people our age. As I recount the events of the last hour or two, briefing him on what Mao and Tsubaki told me to do last night as well as the results, we make our way upstairs.
He is surprisingly inquisitive about Ritsu. Not as invasive as those two girls, as he wishes to maintain a respectful intellectual distance, but he’s curious about her as one would be concerned about a troubled kid. It does remind me of my cousin, who’s often a worrywart about his younger sister. I tell him that Ritsu is not as what the nicknames and crowds make her look. He nods understandingly.
“Never heard of her collapsing like that before.”
“Oh?”
He nods. “And if I recall what Miki told Tsubaki correctly, I don’t think it has ever happened anywhere else either.”
Now that is a curious little detail. She was hiding it. I feel like I shouldn’t have told him that particular detail, but how would I proceed with the debrief without it? Either way, I backtrack. “Don’t tell anyone alright?”
Taichi chuckles and raises a hand to his chest, palm facing the side. That minor gesture reminds me of the monks at the temple back home, whenever they assure those that visit their temple. “My lips are sealed.” He pauses. “And after that, you were in the infirmary with the Nurse?”
I nod. “Yeah. Wanted to help him out with Ritsu.”
“And you left your bag up on the first floor.”
I recognize his mild chastisement. Leaving my stuff up here where anyone else can nab it is certainly irresponsible of me. I grin guiltily, shrugging. “Yeah~, sorry about that. Was in the moment.”
Taichi waves it off with a reassuring smile. “No, not your fault at all. I was just holding on to it while the rest went up to class.”
Taichi had told me earlier that Shouhei and the rest had left their usual hang-out spot early because I wasn’t there. Tsubaki wanted to look for me, he said. I cringe at the thought; again, another mark of disappointment that is me. While on the way there, being led by her of course, he found my bag and told them that he’ll send me upstairs and that they can go ahead. I thank him again.
We reach the hallway of our classes, and we split at the entrance.
And thus, another day of classes passed by without much of anything remarkable, except for Ritsu’s return to class somewhen midway of the line of classes, rubbing her elbows as she walked in. I wanted to wave and say hi to her, but the moment she sees me she looks away, her embarrassment visible for those close to us to see. I can’t help but smile because she remembers me, but then I remember why. My shoulder still bears the ghost of aches from carrying her down the stairs. I notice Misha perking up at Ritsu’s change in expression, and as Ritsu passes by us Misha gives me a cheeky side-eyes and grin. Thankfully, the teacher immediately takes her, and our attention back to the board once Ritsu is seated again. Yet I know that Misha’s gonna be after my back for this.
A little while later, the final bell for the final class rings, signaling the end of the day and the beginning of the club-activity-filled evening. Shizune immediately left for something, followed by her companion Misha. Ritsu made herself scarce quickly too, I notice. I sigh. Well, I have band practice, right? I’d like to not be in the crosshairs of Mao’s wrath, so I guess I should make my way up. As the last of the students push their chairs in, I stand up and head to the back of the class to get my guitar case, where it was stored for classes on the cabinets on the back wall. Just as I hoist the strap around my shoulder, pondering on how familiar this felt since I last did something similar for a similar goal back in my old school, I feel something soft press against my back, and another thing under my arm. I look down, only to be surprised by Misha’s face staring back at me, her excited big eyes trained right at mine. I immediately back off, clattering against the metal cabinets. “Aaaaah!”
“Hicchan~!” she salutes, grinning as she pulls herself off of me and stands upright, on tip-toes. I look up at her, still reeling.. Shizune is nowhere to be seen.
I take a deep breath to calm myself down, a hand instinctively reaching for my sternum. No, nothing’s wrong. Good. “Misha,” I hiss, taking another deep breath as I reach for a table to stabilize myself. “Don’t do that.”
“Oh~? Why not?”
“Because …” …no, not right now. I don’t wanna bother explaining this all over again so I quickly change the topic. I stand up straight, affirming myself that I am fine. “Anyway, I got band practice, so what is it?”
She pouts the instant I mention band practice, staring at me with some form of disappointment. “Awww~, I thought we really could recruit you into the Student Council~!”
I raise an eyebrow. “So that’s what your plans were?” I ask, reminded of yesterday morning.
“Yeah~,” she sighs, visibly disappointed and sad. I feel a little guilty for sounding cocky about it.
“I mean, I get it.” I sit on a nearby table. I want to make some time for her, for some reason. Maybe I’m finding it relaxing to listen to people? That’s what I’ve been doing instinctively ever since I came here. I don’t mind it. Plus, this guitar case is heavy. “Two people running management for the entire festival is quite a mess, I know.”
“Hey~!” Again she looks at me with daggers in the eyes, surprised that I know that. Misha points an accusative finger at me. “Where did you hear that, Hicchan~?”
“Shouhei, a friend of mine.” I guess I can call him that? It’s the closest word I can think of that won’t pull in more questions on the topic.
She looks at me, surprised. “You have a friend already?”
I shrug. “Sorta, yeah.” I pause. “Why?”
Misha keeps staring at me, finding the concept incredulous. She then looks to the side, as if she misread something on her mind. “Shicchan was right, huh~?” she mutters, chuckling to herself.
What. I raise an eyebrow, alert. “Okay, what’s that now?”
Her eyes widen as she takes a step back. “AH! T-that was nothing~! You heard nothing~!!!”
I squint at her. A part of me is curious as to what it is exactly that is holding these two back. Shizune was right about something regarding me, she said. I feel like I may be conflating this with something undeservedly made more serious than it should be, but I never liked it when someone talks about me behind my back. I mean, Mao already did that, but at least she came up clean about it. This playing around the shadows, I don’t appreciate.
Misha is starting to fidget more. Good. Let’s see if I can weasel an explanation out of her. “Yeah~, sure,” I add, as I fold my arms. My fingers alternate between flexing straight and folding into fists. She does not seem to appreciate the gesture, making an unconvincing and nervous smile to ward me off. Eventually, she cracks, stomping her foot forward. “Jeez~! Hicchan~, you meanie!”
I can’t help but laugh at that reaction. It's genuine laughter.
“Anyhow” she snaps back, mirroring me with the same sarcasm. “What’s up with Ricchan earlier?”
Ah. Oh fuck. Shoot, I forgot she noticed that. “Uhhh~ …”
Misha realizes that she caught me off-guard and presses her advantage. “Oh~?” she taunts me in an almost sultry manner, leaning forwards toward me. “What did you do, Hicchan~~~?”
I press my lips to not say a word. The less I speak of what happened, the better. I trust Taichi enough to not say a word about it - he seems like that kind of person - but Misha? Oh, no. If her volume and carefree attitude to anything is anything resembling a hint, then no sir, definitely not. She seems most unquestionably incapable of holding on to a secret, and the moment it leaks out my nascent image in this school will spiral out of my control. “Nothing. Nothing happened.”
She’s not giving up. But just as she’s about to lean forward even more, her body even closer to me than I am comfortable with, despite backing up, a knock on the door interrupts us both as we turn to see who it is. It’s Shouhei, again, and this time he looks stunned at the scene.
I glance at Misha, and then him. Her pose and mine does not imply anything close to prudence. “Uh, Shouhei?” I called out.
His eyes widens like a deer’s in a car’s headlights and he promptly hides behind the wall. “I saw nothing!”
“It’s not what you’re thinking!” I call out again.
“Shou-chan! Misha backs off from me and starts heading over to the door. “He’s right, we weren’t doing anything!”
He calls us out from the hallway, embarrassed to show his face at our misunderstood attempted tryst. “I-I mean, Tsubaki was right! You definitely are a Casanova!”
I literally facepalm myself. I get off the table and rush forward, patting Misha’s shoulder as I pass by her to tell her to let me handle this. “Hey, Shouhei,” I say as I enter the hallway, seeing him still wide-eyed and chuckling to himself. “Hey!”
He looks at me, and takes a deep breath to calm himself down.
“What was it?” I ask.
“I uh, I came here to pick you up for band practice,” he stammers, “but I didn’t expect to see that.”
“Whatever you’re thinking of, Shou-chan~,” Misha retorts, popping between us. “It just proves you’re a pervert.”
“I’m not!”
“Are you?” I ask.
He shakes his head vehemently. “No, I’m not,” he protests. “Why does everyone think of me that way? Just because I’m friends with lots of girls …”
I am reminded of him bickering with Tsubaki on that same topic last night. And now Misha’s trying to interject and unwittingly starting a reenactment. I sigh deeply; what sort of characters have I managed to get myself affiliated with? I cut in. “Okay, band practice, right?”
Shouhei looks surprised by me stepping between him and Misha, but he nods anyway. “Yeah.”
“Let’s go then.”
“Hicchan!” Misha protests, but I already took his hands as we head down the hallway, towards the clubhouse annex.
“Sorry Misha!” I call out, turning around to briefly walk backwards to face her. “I’ll tell you about Ritsu later!”
“Ritsu?” Shouhei asks, curious.
“Yeah, that’s what the whole thing was about.” Now that we rounded the corner and she’s no longer in earshot, I turn back to walk normally. “Sorry about that, and no, whatever it is that Tsubaki said about me being a Casanova, I am most definitely not one.”
Shouhei’s pace returns to normal as he walks alongside me when I let go of his hand. “Oh, yeah I heard about that from Taichi. He told us what happened earlier in the lunch period.”
Oh good, he explained it to them. “So you get why I didn’t show up?”
He nods, appearing to understand as he flashes a reassuring smile. We step aside to dodge a couple of students carrying a box down the hallway and out of the building’s side exits. “I mean,” he adds, “I’d do the same, to be honest.”
“Mhm.” Thankful, I let the silence fill the space between us, as we continue our way to the far stairwell. The cacophony of the clubhouse annex rises with each step as more and more students pass by us, busy with their festival preparation. Seeing one dark-skinned girl with two pigtails carrying a telescope, I am reminded of Tsubaki. “How did she take it when she heard about what happened?” I ask Shouhei.
“Oh Tsubaki?”
I nod.
“She just sorta shrugged, I guess?”
What. “What does that mean?”
Shouhei shrugs as well. “I don’t have a clue, man. Your guess is as good as mine.”
Okay. I’m not sure what that is about. I guess I should ask her myself later?
We reach the staircases, and start making our way upstairs. The din of the clubhouse annex’s activities starts to fade a little as we make our way upstairs, but to our surprise, it is replaced by something like loud crashing and clanging. “Um,” is all I can say as I turn back to face him. Shouhei looks surprised as well, an eyebrow raised in suspicion. We both know the fourth floor is usually silent, because there’s only our band up here, but we can’t help but wonder, what is going on up there?
Our rapid pace slows down as we both opt to sneak our way up, past the third floor’s landing, so as to catch the intruders unawares. Once we reach the highest landing, I push the door in, finding the hallway empty. I let Shouhei pass forward as I check the stairs again. The source of the noise is definitely not downstairs.
I turn around to find him nodding. “It’s in there,” he whispers.
What sort of antics have I gotten myself into. First, a band in need of new members. Then two girls want me to interrogate and recruit a shut-in. And now we got an intruder where we’re supposed to practice. I sigh, and nod. We both quietly make our way to the band room doors. Gathering myself together, I peeked into the glass on the door.
Only to find Mao marching straight towards us.
She pulls the door open, surprising us both, with a very loud, angry and panicked announcement.
“Someone stole our drum set!”
"They say, the best way to improve yourself is to believe in who you are. You are but a blip in the lives of many you pass by, so why worry? Be yourself - life is too short to worry about the minor altercations here and there.
"So, get out there. Break the chains that holds you back - and embrace the freedom ahead of you." - me
)