Content Warning: sexual assault, violence, emotional abuse
The taste of his tongue on mine is like a foreign umami. The mingled sounds of his grunts and my moans are an alien language to me. The scent of our sweat and sex is pungent in the worst way. The touch of his body pressed into mine is invasive. The sight of his sweating, saddened face breaks my heart.
My thoughts are the only things that are still my own and I’m not even sure of that right now… I think I’m losing my mind. Or maybe I lost it a year ago along with any semblance of my autonomy.
All with just a snap of her fingers.
Hisao finishes inside me and the wave of euphoria I feel is not my own. It’s hers. I can feel her claws in the back of my mind as much as I feel him inside my lower half. The warmth entering me only leaves me feeling cold.
He retreats and looks as bad as I feel. This is was a violation of us both and I pray that he can see that I was manipulated as much as he was. In this moment we are the same and I can only hope that he knows that this is not something I would choose; for either of us.
“…Hicchan?” Her voice calls out to him through me. His name is Hisao, damn it… The silly vocal affectation sounds even more ridiculous in this scenario. I can’t believe she’d try to pull that right now. But of course she would - it’s not her voice after all.
He doesn’t answer; the soft ticking of the clock and his own ragged breathing the only sounds in the room. C’mon, Hisao. I know you’re smarter than this. You have to see there’s something wrong…
“… Never mind, Hicchan.” She says once again and he tries to hold my hand. Some semblance of affection, maybe a tiny bit of understanding at how wrong this all is. If he has figured it out, he doesn’t say anything as her hand wraps around his wrist to stop the affection. A small act of jealous aggression. The tiniest chink in her armour.
As I’m directed back to my room, I try to formulate my thoughts into a plan of action. In the few hours a day I’m allowed to act on my own free will while she sleeps, I researched everything I could on who or what Shizune Hakamachi could actually be. She’s not human, I can tell that much, not in any traditional or moral sense. Since we don’t live in a comic book or a movie; the best summation I could gather would be some manner of Yokai.
Some mix of Kitsune and Satori, maybe? Her actions don’t correlate to any particular Yokai but have aspects of many. If she can do to others what she does to me, I haven’t seen it happen. I can’t really say it gives me much comfort that her power is solely limited to me. Like she was placed on this Earth purely to control me.
I slide open the door and find her waiting, spread eagle on my bed, looking very satisfied with herself. This was what she wanted, after all. I can’t fathom why she’d want her boyfriend to fuck her best friend but given the perverse pleasure she takes in controlling me, I can’t imagine it’s for anything more than her own amusement. One of her little games.
She begins signing and my mouth interprets for her.
“Welcome back, Misha. Did you and Hicchan have fun? It certainly felt like it.”
I cannot answer back, not until she gives me leave to do so with a few more deft movements of her hands.
[You may speak freely.]
“I very much doubt it, Shizune.” I gasp as it feels like I can breathe and speak for myself for the first time today. I rub my neck ruefully as I glower at the impish, naked girl on my bed. She signs and her words erupt from my throat once more.
“Now, now, Misha. You know you have to call me Shicchan~!”
“My name is Shiina, you bi-” I’m silenced with a wag of her fingers as she slides off of my bed and saunters towards me, her hips slinking seductively toward me. A year ago, I’d have loved this view but now I can’t feel anything but contempt for her.
To think that my best friend, someone I loved, could not only twist that affection into this… control - this sadistic puppetry - sickens me to my core. I don’t know what I ever saw in you on that day.
She presses her naked form against me and my body doesn’t respond to any command I give it. Fight, tear, smash, bite; nothing. Her hand slips under my skirt and her fingers into me. I hate that a small part of me feels elated at her touch. I can only glare at her as she pulls her fingers back and licks the combination of fluids.
I’d shiver in disgust if my body was under my own control. But it’s not. Stripped of my will, my voice, and my dignity.
Ever since I confessed to her, she’s been in control of me and my entire life. My persona, my appearance, everything. A doll for her to dress-up and play with however the hell she wants. Just with a snap of her fingers and a spell weaved in sign.
Now, when you speak, they won't even see my lips move.
She practically purrs as she nuzzles against my skin and inhales deeply. The same hand she used on me finds its home in her own folds as she signs with her free hand, forcing me to speak.
“You two were so cute. All that guilt, and shame, and lust… It was intoxicating. It’s amazing how easy it was to get him to fuck you, Misha~! He must have really wanted to.”
Shizune laughs silently as she goes to kiss me. With every ounce of willpower within me, I’m able to move my face just enough for her miss my mouth. The smallest act of rebellion but enough to make her think twice. Cast just enough doubt that she steps back and becomes distracted.
You stripped everything from me except my mind and that was the worst mistake you could have made. I communicate all of that with a simple look; a look that she’s tried to steal for herself, a small smirk and a glint in the eyes that speaks my truth to her power…
I was always smarter and stronger than you, Shizune.
She lashes out and smacks my face with the flat of her palm, sending me to the floor. The sting in my cheek means I can feel for myself. My reaching for it means I have control. Her scowl means I got under her skin. I did all that on my own. I’m back in control.
She goes to swing with her backhand and that’s the opening I needed as my legs sweep hers out from under her. She slams to the carpeted floor on her side as I scramble to grab her arms. There’s a flurry of limbs as we wrestle for dominance but I manage to grab one of her hands in mine while my knee pins the other flat against the ground.
Her face twists back towards me and almost silently screams as I wrench the wrist in my hand more and more. I could never have imagined I was capable of committing - let alone enjoying - such wanton violence but as the ligaments stretch and snap and the bone beneath crunches under the continued pressure, I can’t help but feel a sense of pleasure. A final turn and the bone pierces her skin, spraying blood over my uniform sleeves. One down, one to go…
The pain and adrenaline undoubtedly surging through her gives Shizune enough strength to buck me off of her back, but the popping pressure under my knee as I’m sent tumbling off makes think I may have succeeded in disabling her other hand by accident. She recoils into the corner of the room, whimpering rasps of pain and rage as she tries to sign with a shattered wrist and dislocated fingers.
I watch her with wide, frightened eyes as she tries again and again to bring me to heel - and fails. I can’t help the laugh that comes from my throat, much to her annoyance. My natural laugh, not the boisterous bass-y villain laugh she forced upon me. I rise to my knees, grinning like a maniac as Shizune realises I’m not only free but I’m not going to let her leave this room alive.
I rise from my knees and she cowers, looking between me and the door behind me.
“Go on, try to escape, I dare you.” I say with my own voice. “I want you to feel every bit as trapped and as helpless as I have for the past year, Shizune.”
She takes her chance and tries to scurry past me only to receive my leather boot to her ribs. More crunching, more crashing, more pain inflicted as I don’t stop kicking her into my closet. The heel digs into her soft flesh and gouges chunks out of her torso. I reach into the pile of bloody clothing and bruised flesh to grip a handful of navy blue hair.
I yank and drag her into the centre of the room and mount her stomach, pinning the girl beneath me. The grin on my face widens when I see the tears roll down her face. I swing one meaty fist down into her face, followed by another, and another. Each punctuated with a truth that I haven’t been able to scream at her for the past year.
“You took everything from me!” Slam.
“You turned me into a buffoon! A comedy sidekick!” Slam.
“I was your friend! We were partners!” I continue to wail and scream before a pair of arms grapple me from behind and throw me away from Shizune.
“What the fuck did you do to her, Misha!?” Hisao growls as he stares down at me and then rushes to the quivering mass of flesh and blood that is Shizune.
“Get away from her, Hisao! She’s dangerous!” I call out as he cradles her head to his chest. His brushes the bloody bangs away from her face and tears the mashed glasses away from her broken nose.
“You’re the only dangerous one here, Misha!”
“My name is Shiina!” I shriek back at him. “I’ve always been Shiina! Misha is something she made up! Something she made me!”
He looks at me with a mix of disbelief and anger and, honestly, if I hadn’t lived it; I wouldn’t believe me either.
“She’s been controlling me ever since I confessed to her, Hisao. I don’t even know sign language! She signs and her voice comes out of me; that’s her power!”
“Power? What the hell are you talking about? Hold on, Shizune, I’m gonna get you out of here.” Hisao turns his focus back to Shizune as I rush to the door and slam it closed, locking it.
“No. She doesn’t get away, not after what she did to me. Did to us!” I spit venomously. Hisao lays Shizune down gently and rises to his feet, fists balled in anger.
“You’re the only one who’s done anything, Misha! Look at her! That’s your friend! How could you do that to her after what we just did?!” He doesn’t get it. He still thinks what we did was consensual.
“Don’t you get it, Hisao?! That was her too! She forced me to do that! Manipulated you through me!” I try to explain but his face twists into disgust.
“I thought you had problems, Misha, but this is crazy. You’re crazy. Now get the hell out of my way or…” He raises his arms a little, his fists ready but even when faced with this situation, he can’t quite bring himself to strike me. “I’m getting Shizune to the nurse.”
“No, Hisao… You won’t.” I mutter quietly as he kneels down to cradle Shizune once more. My hands flex and I begin to move them in the same exact way I’d seen hundreds of times before. I don’t know sign language but I can recognise a repeated pattern when shown enough times. A familiar flourish of fingers. A spell weaved in sign. Damn you, Shizune. Don’t make me do this to him.
“What the hell are you saying, Misha?” He looks back at my hands and then my face as he protectively wraps his arm around Shizune’s face. My digits finish their dance and I feel fresh tears run down my face. I can’t let her leave and I definitely can’t let her live.
“I’m so sorry, Hisao.” I choke back the tears and complete the incantation. “But when your hands move, they’ll never know mine guided them.”
Snap.
