Learning to Run (Emi and Hisao Reconnect in their 30s) (COMPLETE)

[guthrum06]

Author's Note: Sexual Content

Part 1 (Emi)

I'm waiting for Hisao in his apartment. He had a cardiology appointment today and I'm a little worried about it. He had some heart trouble the other night when we had sex for the first time. I kind of wanted to go to the appointment with him, but I didn't want to push too hard, and I had some appointments of my own I would have had to cancel anyway. He should be home soon.

…

When Hisao comes through the door I can see he isn't happy. His face is a mixture of sadness and frustration. This does not help with my anxiety.

I get up and give him a hug and a kiss. "How was your appointment?"

He realizes he must have looked overly serious and relaxes his face, "Oh, it's nothing too bad. Do you want the good news first or the bad news?"

"Th-there's bad news? I think I have to hear that first. I can't take waiting."

"Okay, well over the Spring Holidays I'm going to have to get a new battery for my pacemaker."

I think back to some of my training, where we learned about the heart and how it can be treated. "That's…a surgery, right? A smaller one?"

"Yep, it isn't a huge deal. I have to do it every 7 or 8 years or so. I have had it once before. I mean, I wish I didn't have to do it, but all things considered it is certainly worth it. I'm mostly just disappointed. I thought we might get to go on a trip over the break. It puts me out of commission entirely for a few days, and then after that it is still kind of a challenge. Basically I can't move one of my arms for a week and stuff like that. You might have to take care of me a little."

I'm very relieved that that's all it is. I squeeze him and give him another kiss to comfort him. "Well, even if we don't get to go on a trip or something, we can have fun here, can't we? Or do you think I'm not any fun any more?" I say the last part with a silly pout on my face.

He laughs, "Yeah, a staycation might actually be nice anyway. But you know, I also probably won't be able to run or have sex for a week or two."

I dramatically break our hug when he says this.

"Oh, well that's different, then. Those are the only two things I like doing with you. So I'm going to have to break up with you. See ya!" I grab my jacket and take several steps towards the door, but he puts his arm out to grab me and pulls me back towards him, prompting a giggle out of me.

"Okay, okay. I get the point. You aren't going to be disappointed if our break is just us lazing around. Thank you for being understanding about this…even though you're doing it in kind of a silly way."

I stick my tongue out at him and give him another hug. "Well, you understood what I was doing and you love me. So I think that makes you silly too."

He smiles, "Yes, it probably does."

"Oh yeah, what was the good news?"

"The good news is that my heart is doing really well overall, the thing the other night probably won't be the norm." He smiles, "The doctor did recommend that I should probably let you take the initiative any time I feel a little off or I get tired."

I blush a little. Even as a medical professional myself, the fact I mostly work with high school students and do physical therapy means that I generally don't hear about my patients' sex lives.

"Well, I am perfectly happy to do that." I say with a wink. "It is doctor's orders, after all."

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Hisao is getting a new pacemaker battery today, so I'm in the hospital. It is a fairly run of the mill surgery that shouldn't last very long at all. Maybe 30 minutes at the most.

But he went back an hour ago and the electronic board with his status says he is still in surgery. I am doing my very best not to panic. I'm hoping the board is wrong.

But it gets harder every minute. I really hope everything's okay. I don't even want to think about the worst-case scenario. I'm now pacing in the waiting room and getting odd looks from others. I guess people don't often see a tiny woman with two prosthetic legs pace like a crazy person.

Finally, his doctor comes to the waiting room and opens the door to a more private room. "Ms. Ibarazaki? Mr. Nakai is out of surgery; he is doing well. Please step in here with me and we can discuss it more."

I'm glad he is doing well, but it sounds like it also didn't go exactly as planned. I take a deep breath and step in with the doctor.

"When we got in there, we unfortunately saw that it wasn't just that he needed a new battery. There was a problem with the pacemaker itself, so we had to remove it and put in a new one, including some brand-new leads. Everything is working well now, but his recovery will be a little more difficult because the surgery was more extensive than we planned. He will be in the hospital for a day or two now instead of getting to go home today, and it will take longer for him to get back up to full speed."

I exhale, only now realizing that I held my breath for the entire explanation. "Okay, thank you for taking such good care of him. When will I be able to see him?"

"He's in recovery now. The board out there will update with his room number once he has been moved. After that, you can go see him."

"Okay. Thank you doctor."

I go back and take a seat in the waiting room, watching the board intently for any change.

This really isn't that big of a deal, overall. I wish it went more smoothly. He isn't going to be happy about the additional recovery time. He hates being in the hospital and he was already so upset that our time off was going to be taken up by this. But he's okay and won't be any worse for wear in the long run.

His mom wanted me to call her when his surgery was over, I guess I should do that now.

Part 2 (Hisao)

I open my eyes in a somewhat dazed state and see a sterile white ceiling. In the hospital again. Great.

I try to sit up.

"Ow." My left shoulder and collarbone feel like they are on fire, and the feeling is radiating to the entire left side of my torso. I think I'll stay in this position.

I hear a very familiar voice say, "Hisao? Are you awake?'

As I become more aware of my surroundings, I see that Emi is standing next to me and holding my hand. She looks beautiful. And happy to see me awake.

"Yeah. Do I get out of here soon?"

Her smile falters.

"Um…not today, unfortunately. Everything is good, but they ended up having to change out your whole pacemaker. So now you will be here tonight at the least and maybe tomorrow too. I'm sorry."

I scoff in frustration. "Even more of our holiday is gone."

"Yeah, I knew you wouldn't be happy about that. But they did say I could stay in here with you. There's a comfy bench over there I can sleep on. So at least we can spend our first few days of vacation together."

"Are you sure? Don't you hate the hospital?"

She smiles. "A little bit. But not as much as you. I did some of my rotations in the hospital and I survived. But, I bet we will hate it less if we're together. I can also make sure they take good care of you if I stay."

She really does look amazing right now. I try to move to kiss her, but realize I am hooked up to things and in excruciating pain so I really shouldn't. She smiles, realizing my attempt, and kisses me softly.

"Are you feeling okay?"

"My shoulder and collarbone area really hurts. Reminds me of when I first got the pacemaker. Guess that makes sense."

I shift slightly in the bed, trying to find any position that might relieve some of the pain. I don't find one.

"Okay, I'm going to go see if it's time for your pain meds. Do you want some water before I go?"

"Yes please."

I sip from a straw that she presents at my mouth.

"Thank you."

Only now do I notice that Emi has gathered up various things I might want on my hospital tray. There's the book I'm reading which she must have brought from home, my phone, that cup of water with a straw, a deck of cards, and some bland looking snacks.

I smile at her, "Thanks for taking care of me."

She smiles back and brushes my hair with her hand, "Of course."

Emi leaves the room, determined to track down someone who might be able to help me with the pain. She returns before too long.

"They said you can have it in about 20 minutes, so I'll be setting a timer on my phone." After she does that, she says, "Oh, I called your mom with the update by the way. I am to send her any updates about her sweet Hichan's health."

I laugh at even hearing Emi use my mom's nickname for me. "Ow. Don't make me laugh."

She smiles. "Sorry. Truthfully, she was very nice, and glad when I told her I would stay with you. She sounded relieved."

"Are you sure you can stay here? Don't you need clothes and stuff?"

"Hisao, you don't need to worry about any of that stuff right now, okay? My mom is bringing me some things. If I really want a shower or something I can even pop over there if I have to."

I grab her hand with my good one. "Okay. Thanks for staying with me."

She smiles warmly at me and squeezes my hand "Just let me know if you need anything."

I playfully wink at her. "Anything, huh?" I'm mostly kidding given my pain, but she does look amazing and her taking such good care of me right now does seem to be having an effect on me. I might be feeling the aftereffects of the anesthesia, too.

Just as Emi smirks and is about to respond, we hear a knock on the door, which I've just noticed is wide open.

Meiko is standing there with a broad smile on her face and a bag of stuff she must have brought for Emi.

How does she always seem to show up at times like this? Hopefully she didn't hear that.

"Hello Hisao, I take it you are feeling quite well after your surgery?"

Yep, she definitely heard what I said.

She comes into the room, hands Emi the bag, and stands at the end of my bed.

"Hi Meiko. I am as well as can be expected I guess, and your daughter is taking good care of me so that helps."

Her eyes dart between us and she smiles coyly, "Yes, I can see that."

I look over at Emi, who is looking through the bag her mom sent her. I am surprised to see she is so steady despite her mother's thinly veiled teasing.

"Thank you for bringing this, mom."

Meiko walks over to her daughter and hugs her. "No problem, dear. Sho sends his regards to you both. Unfortunately, he is working today. He may stop by tomorrow."

She smiles mischievously. "Do let me know if either of you need anything, okay?" She says the last part with a small wink, clearly trying to replicate what she saw and heard a moment ago. I feel my face flush.

Apparently, this was too much for Emi to handle. Her face takes the usual shape it does when she's had enough of her mother, and her voice takes on a familiar tone.

"Mom, can you stop teasing him right now, please? I know you two like to play your little game, or whatever it is, but save it for once we're out of here. I know he told you he's doing well, but he was just being polite. He's in a lot of pain right now."

Meiko's mischievous smile quickly evaporates into a look of deep regret, and she looks at me. "I'm sorry, Hisao, I didn't know. I do really mean that you two can call if you need anything, though."

Emi responds curtly. "Okay, thanks mom."

Meiko makes her retreat, still looking ashamed as she stands near the exit. "I guess I'll be going then. Get well soon, Hisao. I apologize for earlier."

"It's okay. Thank you for your help, Meiko."

After her mother leaves, Emi sighs and quietly says, "I wish she could read the damn room."

Emi's phone alarm goes off. She looks towards the door with frustration, as if she thought a nurse was going to materialize at the exact moment her alarm went off.

She squeezes my hand. "I'll be right back, okay?"

She comes back a few minutes later with a smile and a frustrated-looking nurse following behind her. He administers my pain medication in my IV. Emi watches very closely.

I can already feel it kicking in, and I feel the tense painful muscles on the left side of my body relax which is a major relief. My head starts to feel a little funny.

The nurse leaves, and Emi comes back to my side. She puts her hand on my cheek and looks in my eyes.

"You already look like you're doing better. Are you?"

"Yeah, much better. Think'm a lil' ineirbaeted though."

She laughs, "Based on how you just said that, I think you're probably right." She kisses me on the forehead.

She smiles at me. "You look very sleepy now, Hisao. Don't try to stay awake on my account. Get some rest if you need to."

...

I open my eyes to the sight of the sterile hospital ceiling under dim lighting. My shoulder still hurts, but instead of feeling like it's on fire, it is more like someone punched me there several times yesterday.

The room is much darker now than it was when I fell asleep. The sun has gone down, and most of the lights are off. I look to my left and smile as I see my girlfriend sleeping on an uncomfortable-looking bench that she can fully lie down on. Being so short has its benefits, I guess. It is unusual seeing her asleep with her legs on. She probably decided she would need them if she had to act quickly.

She stirs, somehow sensing that I am awake despite the fact that I have been silent. "Mmn..you okay Hisao?"

"Yes, my pain is much better than earlier. You can go back to sleep, Emi, thank you."

She sits up and yawns, directly defying my suggestion. She walks over and takes my hand.

"That's good. You slept for several hours, which I think probably helped. You should probably drink some water." She holds the cup for me, and I dutifully drink several gulps of water.

"You should probably also eat a little something if you can. I know these crackers aren't exciting, but it's probably a good place to start." She starts unwrapping the crackers and thrusts one in my hand before I can respond.

I take them from her and start eating them. I guess I am kind of hungry, because these taste surprisingly good.

She brushes my hair with her hand and leaves it on my head as she studies my face. "You do look a lot better than earlier."

"Emi, you really can go back to sleep. I'm okay, I can read my book for a bit until I get tired again."

She waves her hand at me dismissively, "I just slept for most of the time you were, I'm okay." She hands me my book and sits back down on her bench and gets out her phone and starts texting.

"You sending a Hichan update?"

She laughs, "Yep! That's a good name for them. I'm just telling her you got some sleep, ate something, and you're feeling a little better."

"It sounds like you're giving her an update about a newborn baby."

Emi giggles, "Well, you are her little Hichan aren't you? I just want to make sure she's in the loop. I…also kind of want her to know I'm doing a good job. So, it's a little selfish too."

I smile at her. "Well, you are doing a really great job. I do really appreciate you being here. Is it weird that I think you taking care of me like this is…kinda nice?"

She laughs and gets up to kiss me. "No. I'm kind of enjoying taking care of you." She winks at me, "That's love I guess."

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The doctor came by this morning. Everything is looking good, and my pain is under control even without the strong stuff, so thankfully I'm going to get discharged from the hospital after only spending one night here. Now we're trying to figure out the logistics. Well, Emi is. I'm mostly just listening.

"Sho is off work today, so he's going to drive us back to town. He should be here pretty soon actually, that way when they discharge you, we can get going right away."

"That's nice of him. I didn't love the idea of riding the bus back with my shoulder like this." While my pain is manageable, I can't imagine bouncing around in a bus full of people would keep it that way.

"Yeah, I didn't think that sounded like fun. Do we want to stay at my place while you recover or yours? I know you like my bed more, and having a TV will probably help you a little with cabin fever the next few days."

"I hadn't thought about that, but yeah your place does sound better."

Emi smiles, "Okay, that's what we'll do then."

Just as we have made the determination, there is a knock at the door, and my old Yamaku nurse is standing there with his usual goofy smile.

He comes in and gives Emi his usual one-armed hug, and then turns to me.

"Hello you two. How are you feeling, Hisao? I heard you were quite uncomfortable yesterday."

"Hi Sho. Yeah, right after waking up yesterday was a little rough, but now I'm managing without the strong stuff. It hurts, but not too bad."

I half expect him to come examine me, like he would in the old days, but I think he probably trusts the doctors here and knows that might be crossing a line.

"That's good to hear. I just spoke with the nurse, and they are finalizing your discharge paperwork now, so we should be able to go soon. Where will I be taking you two?"

I look at Emi, inviting her to answer. I might not be in excruciating pain, but talking when I don't have to seems kind of tiring right now.

"We were just talking about that. I don't know if you have the time, but it would be great if you could take us to my place, where I will get him settled. Then, could you take me to Hisao's place to get some of his stuff, and then back to my place? I know that's a lot of driving you probably didn't plan on."

He smiles, "For you two? Of course. Plus, you live quite close to one another, don't you?"

"Yeah, it shouldn't be too bad."

Sho smiles and winks, "Either way, I'm off today and I'm here to help, so I can take you wherever you want." He pauses for a moment and his smile gets broader, "As long as it's in Japan, anyway."

This causes me to chuckle slightly, but it comes out as more of a pained grunt because it hurts to laugh. Both Emi and Sho look at me. Both have suddenly shifted from their happy-go-lucky faces to faces of deep concern. Somehow they are both still smiling and projecting seriousness at the same time. I don't know if I'm ever going to get used to how they can both do that.

Emi speaks up first, "Are you sure you're good to be discharged today? That didn't sound too good. We can stay here another night if we need to."

The Sho jumps in, "I'm sure you want to get the hell out of here, Hisao, but leaving before your pain is under control and then coming back is much worse."

I guess I should have known I would be lectured about my health by the both of them at some point in my life. I was kind of hoping it wouldn't be now, though.

"Yes, I'm fine. Laughing hurts. I can take my next pill soon, so I'm probably in the most pain I'll be in. I'm good to go, promise."

They both relax their faces significantly, but I can see that Emi isn't entirely convinced.

"Okay Hisao, but if it turns out you're forcing yourself to leave here before you should, I am not going to be happy."

"Well, you can keep being happy then, because I'm fine!"

There's another knock at the door. The nurse comes in with something for me to sign and a lot of instructions. Emi listens intently to everything he has to say and asks a few questions. I already know it all, but I'm sure Emi will make sure I follow everything very strictly. I can't get the surgery site wet for a few days. I basically can't use my left arm for a week. No strenuous activity for two weeks.

I start to tune things out when the nurse starts talking about the situation as if I haven't already had a pacemaker for a long time and haven't already adjusted to all the changes it has introduced to my life. This always makes me very angry because it is a huge waste of time, and it means they don't pay attention to my medical history even though they have a chart filled with it. Yes, I'm aware I can't have my phone on the same side of my body as the pacemaker. I'm aware that I need to pay attention to magnets. I'm aware I should always have a card in my wallet saying I have a pacemaker.

Finally, the nurse is done wasting our time. They have sent for someone to take me downstairs in a wheelchair, and Sho is going to get the car. Emi stays with me. As we're waiting for the wheelchair, Emi can see that I'm annoyed.

"Are you okay? I thought you would be happy to be getting out of here, but you look kind of mad."

I sigh, "It's nothing important. I just hate when they say things that make it clear that they haven't read my chart."

She nods, "Yeah, that whole last part was a waste. Well, the good news is we'll get you home soon."

...

Getting to Emi's apartment was uneventful. I was a little worried Sho might not be a great driver, based on his personality, but he was surprisingly good. Considerate even. He went over train tracks more slowly than necessary to minimize my discomfort.

Now Emi is helping me into her apartment.

"Where do you want to be right now? The couch or the bed?"

"I'm pretty tired. I think I will lie down in bed."

She nods and leads me to the bedroom. After getting me settled there and setting some water, my pain meds, and my book on the nightstand, she crawls into bed with me for a moment and puts her arms around me while being careful not to touch my left side.

"You look so cozy. I hope I can take a nap with you when I get back."

I smile at her, "That would be nice."

"Until then you'll just have to snuggle Mr. and Mrs. Capybara." She laughs and hands me the stuffed animals I got her.

"Okay, anything in particular you want me to get from your place, other than the obvious?"

"I don't think so. They filled all my prescriptions at the hospital, so you don't need to worry about those, and I already have toiletries here. So, just clothes mostly."

She reluctantly pulls herself out of the bed. "Okay, the sooner I get going, the sooner I can come back. Text me if you think of anything."

Part 3 (Emi)

"This is it Sho, thanks."

"Do you need help carrying anything?"

"I don't think so, I'll let you know."

I exit the car and go into Hisao's apartment and start gathering up some things he might want over the next few days. He needs clothes of course, but I think he'd also be happy if I brought some of his books he hasn't read yet. Oh, I could bring his chess set too. Maybe with him on pain medication I can finally beat him. We've started playing regularly since Christmas, and I'm something like 0-for-37. It does take him longer to beat me now, though, so I know I'm improving.

I stop for a moment in front of Saki's bookshelf. Would it be weird if I brought one of these pictures for him? I know he's having a harder time right now than he's letting on. It might help him to have her supporting him too. I guess the worst-case scenario is just that it weirds him out a little bit, and the upside is that it helps him. Seems worth it. I grab a picture of them both smiling wide while wearing some very formal clothes. They look quite young, and she is using crutches. I think it is probably the ceremony for the national contest that she won, which really kicked off her career.

Now with all this extra stuff, I probably do need Sho's help. I wave to him from the door and when he comes, I hand him the heavy chess set, and I take everything else to his car.

...

Once I'm back at my place, Hisao is sleeping soundly. It looks like he tried to read but fell asleep and dropped his book on the floor. It is adorable. I wish he wasn't feeling so lousy, though.

I put down most of the things I got him in the living room. I put the picture of him and Saki on the nightstand.

I'm pretty exhausted myself. I take off my legs and crawl into bed on his right side. I need to be very careful with his left side for a while, but his right side is still fair game. I nuzzle into him, he mumbles softly, and next thing I know my eyes are getting heavy.

…

I am awakened by the feeling of Hisao starting to shift in bed. I can't quite open my eyes, but I mumble, "Mmn... need something?"

His voice sounds a little strained. "Pain woke me up. I can take my next pill, right?"

I sit up and check the time. His pills are on the nightstand to his left.

That was not the best plan, Ibarazaki, he can't really reach that way right now.

"Yep. Let me come over and get them for you."

I put on my legs and hand him a pill and the water.

"Nothing like having another pill to take on top of all my other ones."

Yep, he's definitely feeling down about this whole thing. I can't really blame him.

I brush his hair back with my hand and kiss him. "Yeah, that's no fun. Do you want to do something to get your mind off it? We could try to see if there's anything worth watching on TV. I also grabbed a couple of books and your chess set from your place."

He smirks at me. "You want to play me at chess when I'm out of it on pain meds, don't you?"

Damn, I've been found out. But at least it seems to be distracting him.

I laugh, "Well, I still haven't beaten you. So, a girl's gotta take any advantage she can get, right? Truthfully, you'll probably still beat me."

He laughs. "Probably. But you do seem to be getting better. Okay, we can play chess."

He stands up gingerly and is then a little surprised by the picture on the nightstand. He looks at it for a long moment, then looks at me. "Thank you for bringing that."

I smile at him, "No problem. I thought it might help you a little."

"It does. Now, ready for chess?"

Unfortunately for me, even with his brain addled by pain medication, Hisao beats me fairly soundly.

I sigh in frustration. "I hope at some point I can at least be a challenge for you."

He laughs, "I think you'll get there eventually. You haven't really played that much chess, you're doing pretty well for someone with so little experience. Besides, is it really so bad if there is one thing I beat you at? You tend to win at everything else."

I smirk, "That's true, I guess. But mark my words, Nakai! I will beat you at chess eventually. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow…it may not be 10 years from now. But it's going to happen."

He laughs, "I think it probably will if you keep improving."

"Is your pain doing better now?"

He nods.

"Are you…feeling okay? You seem a little down, which is to be expected. I guess I'm just asking if you want to talk about it."

He frowns. "I am pretty down, I guess. It's just …sometimes I think I'm finally past my condition having a big impact on my life, you know? I mean, things have gone smoothly with my health ever since I got the pacemaker all those years ago. Then things like this happen. And I know it isn't even that bad, I'm going to be mostly back to normal in two weeks, but it is still a reminder. With my arrhythmia, even with a pacemaker, there's always a chance I'll have other problems too. I…still might have another heart attack someday and it makes me think about all of that. Basically, I was sort of in denial about my condition, and realizing that sucks."

I get up and hug him on his good side. "I understand, it makes sense that all of that is swirling around in your head at a time like this. I think I kind of know what you mean. I often feel like not having my legs hasn't changed my life that much, and then I end up overdoing it and getting a cut on my leg or something and I become much more limited."

He nods, "It is similar to that. But there's a big part that is different. I could potentially die tomorrow from my condition. It isn't very likely, but my heart is still unpredictable enough."

Suddenly a shadow passes over his face, and he looks outright frightened. I've never seen him look this way before. It scares me. I take his hand in mine.

"W-what's wrong?"

He can't even make eye contact with me when he responds.

"A-are you sure you're okay with being with me? I have a higher risk than normal of dying young. I just…you lost your dad, and…This has all made me think about that. We have never really talked about it until today, so…I just want to be sure."

I squeeze his hand to reassure him. "Yes, Hisao, I'm sure. I have thought about it before. I know what you mean, and why you're worried. This would have scared the crap out of the old me. But if there's one thing I learned from all of you who loved Saki - you, Chisato and Mitsuru, your parents - it's that love is worth it for as long as you can have it, and you should cherish it while you do. I love you so much, and I hope you live a really long life, but whatever time I have with you will be wonderful. It has been so far."

His face relaxes and he smiles in relief. "Okay. That's good, I'm sorry I got so serious. I blame the pain pills."

I rub his back with my hand. "Hey, you don't have anything to apologize for, okay? This was an important thing to talk about. It is also understandable you're thinking about this stuff. It's good to get those thoughts out in the open."

I pause for a moment.

"You know I...do have first aid training. Well of course you know that you took my seminar." I chuckle awkwardly, "I just mean if something bad happens when I'm around I'll do whatever I can to help you. I even have some extra incentive cause I love you and stuff."

"Somehow I hadn't really thought of that. Mostly because I think I've been in denial that something like that could happen. Good thing we're together all the time," he says with a chuckle.

I loop my arm around his good arm, "I know. I kinda like it that way."

He puts his right hand on my face and pulls me in for a long kiss. "Thanks so much Emi. You're a really good partner. You're doing a great job taking care of me. I hope I'm not being too much of a pain."

"It's easy to take care of you, Hisao, because I love you. You aren't a burden or anything like that. You're just…you're my person you know? I'll do anything to help you, and I know you'd do the same for me." I laugh, "Although maybe you could let me win at chess once or twice."

"I don't think you'd let me let you win."

I stick my tongue out at him, "You know me quite well. If and when I beat you, if I find out you lost on purpose I think I'd be pretty livid." I'm tempted to grab him by his collar in mock anger but realize that I might hurt him.

"Are you hungry at all? We should probably eat some dinner."

He shrugs, "I'm not very hungry, but I guess I should probably eat."

I smile, "Well I did make sure I had the stuff for your favorite meal before we went to the hospital. I'm pretty sure you'd eat that even if you had been eating for six days straight."

He smiles, "You know, I didn't think I had much of an appetite, but hearing about those shrimp does make a difference."

I set about making dinner and before long Hisao is happily eating his favorite meal. It is the most lively I have seen him today. This meal really does have some miraculous properties for him.

I get up and clean up after dinner, and by the time I am done I see a very tired Hisao trying to stay awake on the couch.

"Should we get ready for bed?" I ask.

He nods and I lead him into the bedroom and I hesitate for a moment.

"We need to figure out the best way for you to sleep. Having your pills on your left side earlier wasn't a great plan, so maybe you should take the other side? That way you can get your things on the night stand."

He thinks for a moment and then looks disappointed. "But that means we can't really cuddle since you will be on my left side."

I laugh, "I know. I'm a little sad about that too, but it is probably more important that you can reach things on your nightstand. We can survive without sleeping how we usually do for a few nights."

He nods and I help get him comfortable in bed. I make sure all his pills are on his nightstand and that he has some water. I move Saki's picture there too. I look down at my cozy tucked in boyfriend and bend over to kiss him. "Goodnight Hisao. I love you. If you need anything let me know, okay?"

"I will. Thank you, Emi. I love you too. I hope we can snuggle again soon."

I laugh, "Yep, before you know it."

I climb into bed now too. It is hard not to snuggle since that's always how we sleep. I hope I don't sleep snuggle him. That would be bad.

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I'm at the Yamaku track running alone. It feels so strange now. I ran alone for so long, but I've gotten so used to running with Hisao over the last year that it feels kind of lonely now. Even though I've been running without him for a week, it still doesn't feel right. He should be able to run again in about a week.

When I get back to the apartment, I see that Hisao is up and reading in the living room. He looks the best he has all week.

"How was your run?"

"Good, kinda lonely though." I kiss him. "How are you feeling?"

He smiles, "Lots better actually. Haven't felt the need to take pain meds so far today."

"Hey, that's really good. Except my chances of beating you at chess got a lot lower."

He chuckles, "That's true. Hey, come here." He beckons me to sit in his lap like I often do. But I haven't done it since his surgery.

"Are you…sure? I don't want to hurt you."

"Yes, just be careful with my left side."

I nod and climb into his lap as I often do, though a bit more carefully than usual. He puts his good arm around me, and I put my head on his good shoulder. I can't help but sigh happily. He's happy too.

"I've gotten too used to this to give it up for too long."

I laugh. "Me too. I love climbing on you and getting cozy. Good thing you like being climbed on."

He laughs, "Oh, I love it."

I lean back to look him in his eyes with a smirk on my face. "We aren't talking about the same kind of climbing, are we?"

He laughs, "I don't think so. I mean, I do like this kind of climbing too. But I'm looking forward to getting to do that again too." He moves his hand slowly down my back until it is very close to my butt. It feels really good. Too good, even. I almost want to give in.

I muster all the self-control I have and I playfully slap his hand away. "Stop that, mister. We are on a vow of celibacy until you get better." I blush, "But yes, I'm looking forward to being able to do that again too."

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I am in the tea room first today.

It has been two weeks since Hisao's surgery. He is pretty much back to normal, which is good because classes started back up today. We did pretty much spend our entire Spring vacation in my apartment, but it was actually really nice.

Even though he's doing much better, he hasn't stopped staying at my place, or even talked about going back home. We have gone and gotten him some things from his place a few times and he could have just stayed, but he didn't.

I have really enjoyed having so much extra time together with him. I really want to ask him to just move in with me. But even though we have come a long way in our relationship, I still really don't want to be the one to suggest such a big step. So, I'm going to wait for him to bring it up.

Eventually Hisao makes it into the room with food for both of us from the cafeteria. I give him a kiss and then scarf down my food as usual. We talk about our first day back and how great he is doing health wise and he's in pretty good spirits about it.

"In fact, my health is so good that I was thinking I would stay at my place tonight and get out of your way."

My heart sinks.

Okay, Ibarazaki. Let him know it's okay if he stays with you without begging him to.

"O-oh? You're not in my way at all. I…actually really like having you there."

"Yeah, I know, it's been really nice. But I think I should get back to my place."

He just…completely shut that down. My heart sinks even further. I am trying my best not to show it.

"Okay, well you are always welcome at my place."

He smiles, "I know. So, since I am doing better, I wanted to take you on a date this weekend."

He just brushed off my thinly-veiled invitation again. But I guess he also said we're going on a date. My heart recovers a little.

"That sounds nice. What were you thinking?"

"Dinner in the city and maybe something after, I don't have all the details figured out yet."

I nod and reach out for his hand which he gives me, "Whatever you want to do sounds good to me."

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It's time for our date, but I am not in the best spirits about our relationship. Since he stopped staying here on Monday, he hasn't come over at all. This week we've only seen each other at our lunches and runs and he seemed a little distant when I did see him. I really felt like things were progressing, but now it feels like we have taken a step back. I think maybe all the time we spent together freaked him out, which is a little disheartening.

I feel bad for feeling this way, because all throughout our relationship I have never felt disappointed about him needing to take things slow. But this time is different. I need to talk to him about this because I don't like hiding it from him. But, for now, I am just going to enjoy our night together.

It helps knowing we are going to the restaurant where we had our first outing as a couple, which means I will get to have the most delicious dessert I will have ever tasted.

However, the ride to the city was…awkward. He wasn't as talkative as usual, and he seemed distracted. He didn't start any conversations and if I started one it petered out quickly.

This is the most concerned I have ever been about our relationship.

After we make it to the restaurant, he is still very distracted. It's like he isn't even here. I'm going to have to say something about this tonight, but it can wait until after dinner.

Eventually we get our mille feuilles and mine tastes so incredible that I am briefly distracted from my problems.

As I am enjoying the dessert, for the first time tonight Hisao starts a conversation. He sounds nervous.

"S-so I wanted to wait until you were in a really good mood to do this…" He pauses for what feels like an eternity. I hope whatever he says doesn't ruin mille feuille for me forever.

"...w-would you um…d-do you want to…sh-ould we…um..doyouwanttomoveintogether?"

I blink twice, shocked by what I think I just heard. He said it so fast that I am not entirely sure.

All I can say is, "What?"

He looks confused by my response and repeats more slowly, "Do you want to live together?"

Now I'm sure of what I heard.

"A-are you serious?"

He looks crestfallen, "Um…yeah. But if you don't want to-"

I interrupt him, sounding a little more frustrated than I intended. "Why have you been…all weird this week? I was half thinking you were going to break up with me or at least ask that we slow things down, so...this is a surprise."

He gets an ashamed look on his face.

"Oh…I thought I was still acting normal."

"You weren't. We hardly saw each other this week and tonight you have barely said a word to me. I was going to talk to you about it later."

"I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I have been in my head a lot this week, and I guess that's why I've been weird."

"I'm going to need more of an explanation than that, Hisao."

"Oh. Um…well…after we spent all that time together after my surgery, I really wanted to just move in with you, but I really needed some time to think about it on my own, to make sure it was what I wanted. That I was ready."

I guess that makes sense.

"I also didn't want to ask you while you were taking care of me. That might make you feel pressured or something. In the end I decided that it was what I wanted. Going home and being without you was really hard. So yeah, that's why I have been…weird…I guess. Then today I was really nervous about asking, so…."

I sit there in silence for a few moments, while his face gets progressively more anxious waiting for my response. I feel this is only fair after the whirlwind of emotions he put me through this week.

Finally, I reach out for his hand, and he gives it to me.

"Hisao, we are at a fancy restaurant, so I have to be more restrained than normal. If we were in private, I would probably tackle-kiss you. But here, I will simply hold your hand and say, 'Yes, I really want to move in with you. I've really missed you since you went back home."

Hisao's anxious face transforms into a big smile. He gets up and walks around the table, pulls me up out of my chair, and plants a long, sweet kiss on my lips, which I return in kind. We both taste like mille feuille. I am sure we are getting some looks, but he doesn't seem to care so I don't either.

When we pull away, we are both smiling like idiots. He sits back down and so do I.

"I am very relieved, you had me thinking you were going to say no."

I laugh, "Well, you had me thinking you were going to break up with me, so we're even I guess."

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"Is that everything?"

Hisao just carried a last box full of books into my - or rather - our, apartment.

"Yep, after all I didn't have much to move."

That's an understatement. Hisao sold all of his furniture with one exception – Saki's book case. It now sits in the corner of our living room. Mostly he just has boxes of books and other items.

We are thinking about moving into a bigger place eventually, but I still have my lease for several months, so we'll be here for a little while.

Once he sets his box down, I hug him around his waist, and look up at him. "I'm really glad we live together now."

He smiles and kisses me, and then brushes my hair out of my face. "Me too. After spending those two weeks here, it didn't really feel like I was getting enough Emi in my life. It was really tough. I was having withdrawals and everything."

I laugh, "Oh yeah? What were those withdrawals like?"

"Oh you know, chills, headaches, thinking about you all the time…" He traces his finger from my cheek down my neck to my collarbone, sending a chill up my spine. "...Really wanting to touch you all the time."

"Yeah?" I take off my shirt and bra in a matter of seconds. "Well, we have to treat those withdrawals. You're going to have to touch me a whole lot."

He puts his arms around me and pulls me to him, pressing our bodies together. I start undoing his belt. He goes to pick me up, but he ends up breaking the kiss and grunting in pain. He looks kind of embarrassed.

I put my hand on his cheek "Don't try to do too much. We have plenty of time in the future for you to pick me up." I giggle. "Why don't you let me take the initiative today? We haven't done anything since your surgery anyway, so it would be a good way to ease into it."

He nods. I take his hand and lead him to the bedroom. We sit down on the bed and pick up where we left off. I take my legs and sweatpants off and straddle him while kissing him. I take off his shirt and start kissing his neck and right shoulder. As I feel him getting larger down below, I grind my body against his, resulting in pleasured moans from us both.

He can't take it for long, and eventually he asks me to remove his pants, so I do. For several minutes, we rub our most intimate places together with only two very thin layers of fabric between us.

This time, I'm the one who can't take it any longer. I have him lie down on the bed, then I remove our remaining clothing. I position myself above him and put a hand on his stomach to stabilize myself.

I gradually lower my hips and he slides inside of me, bit by bit. Every moment feels amazing, and once he's completely inside, at my deepest spot, I can't help but throw my head and shoulders back and moan in pleasure.

I really missed this. I guess I've had some withdrawals too.

I look down at him and see a pleasured look on his face as I begin to move up and down. He is very much enjoying getting a good look at my entire body while he is inside of me. He tries to use both of his arms to reach out for me, but realizes his left arm still isn't up to that. I grab his right hand and put it on my body. It moves as if it has a mind of its own, fondling my breasts, moving up and down my thighs, and grabbing my butt. His touch, even from one hand, is amazing.

As the pleasure gradually grows, I find it difficult to speak, but he seems to have retained the ability.

"Your body is incredible, Emi. I'm…really enjoying seeing it like this." This is the first time we've used this particular position. I'm glad he's enjoying the view. I always love the way he looks at my naked body.

I look down on him with pride, hopefully conveying my feelings. I am starting to get really close.

I accelerate my actions, while his right hand continues to explore my body. I grab his hand and push it against one of my breasts. He gets the hint, and leaves his hand there, softly fondling it while I bring myself closer to climax. He's starting to get close too.

"E-emi…you're going to make me…"

I now put both of my hands on his stomach to stabilize myself so that I can move my hips up and down even faster. I look directly into his eyes as pleasure overtakes both of us at almost the same instant. Both of our bodies start moving completely out of our control, and we make otherworldly sounds, as he finishes deep inside of me. I feel completely satisfied, and I can tell from his face he does too.

After remaining connected for a few moments, I reluctantly roll off of him and snuggle up to him.

"How are those withdrawal symptoms now? Are you going to be okay?"

He laughs, "Much better. But we might need to do it again later to be sure." He laughs. "That was amazing."

"I agree."

As usual after we are intimate, I am feeling quite emotional about things. I never knew I was this kind of a person before Hisao, and it still embarrasses me a little, but he seems to like it.

"I love you, Hisao. I'm so happy we live together now. It's just…it's gonna be really great. It will keep me from having Hisao withdrawals for sure."

He rolls over to face me, puts his hand on my cheek, and smiles at me, "I'm excited too. I'm looking forward to waking up next to you, making our lunches together…just all the mundane stuff. It won't be so mundane anymore, though."

I kiss him in response to his sweet statement. "Speaking of mundane…should we unpack your boxes? You're not one of those people who takes forever to unpack, are you?"

He laughs, "Okay, but let's stay like this a little longer." He puts his arm around me and holds me close, making it very difficult for me to argue.

[guthrum06]

Author's Note: Sexual Content

Part 1 (Hisao)

It is a weekend in the fall, and that means there is a track meet. I am currently sitting in the stands and watching the various races. I always enjoy going to them to see Emi in action as the club advisor and coach. I've been coming to them since before we were a couple. In retrospect, I think one of the many things that made me fall in love with her was seeing her at these track meets.

She is her usual fiery self. She gets especially frustrated with students who don't prepare adequately, or who she feels aren't trying their hardest.

But the students respect her and look up to her as a mentor. It makes sense, she knows everything there is to know about running. She also really cares about them. At times, it is difficult not to be moved by her efforts to mentor them.

This year, one of her first-year athletes is also in my homeroom. His name is Shouta Aoki. He is one of the tallest students at the school, standing at about 190 centimeters. He is thin and wiry, with short dark hair and dark eyes.

Like Emi, he has prosthetic legs below the knee. Unlike her, he was born with a defect that led to his amputations. He had never considered running before, but he happened to see me and Emi running one morning. Seeing her on her running blades made him want to try it. He asked me about her after class, and I took him to track club that day to introduce them. Emi took some time out of her schedule to teach him how to run using blades. He is still getting used to them, but Emi encouraged him to compete at his first track meet and see where he stands.

She is very interested in his athletic future. More than I have ever seen her before. His size and body type means he may have a future as a paralympic athlete. He has an Emi-like worth ethic too. He has come to love running just as much as she does. I also think their similar disability has helped create a bond between them.

Emi has even joked that she won't be the Fastest Thing on No Legs for much longer.

Due to his height, he is particularly well-suited to the 600- and 800-meter, and the 600 is about to begin.

Emi is giving him some last words of encouragement. They make a comical pair, as he is around half a meter taller than she is. But this doesn't prevent him from listening to her closely.

The gun fires and the race begins. He has to unwind his tall body, so he usually starts a little slow near the back of the pack. This has made the shorter sprints harder for him. However, once entirely unfurled, his long smooth strides allow him to quickly make up ground. In the end, he finishes in second. Losing to a third-year student with much more experience.

He also finishes in second in the 800-meter, with the same runner finishing in first.

After each race, he looks disappointed, but Emi is positively glowing. I find it hard not to smile just from looking at her.

Once the meet is over, I go down and congratulate both him and his happy coach.

"You did really well today, Aoki, especially for your first meet. I am sure you will continue to improve."

Emi nods with a broad smile, "Even I didn't do that well in my first competition on blades."

Aoki still looks a little disappointed but accepts our praise. "Thank you, teachers. I hope to do even better next time."

I head back to the stands and wait for Emi to finish up before we walk down the hill together to our apartment.

"He did really well. I'm impressed."

She laughs at me with a little bitterness, "Does that mean you're going to back off?"

Emi and I might be competing a little bit for Aoki. He is not only a great athlete, but also a great student that has a very strong interest in science. I would like to see him pursue that, while Emi wants him to become an elite runner.

"If by 'back off' you mean, 'stop encouraging him to pursue science,' then no, I am not. He can do both, you know. He wants to do both.

"I know." She grabs my hand and looks up at me with a mischievous smile "But it's fun to make it a competition, isn't it?"

I smile at her. "Not everything has to be a competition, you know."

She laughs, "I know. Hey, who do you think will pack the most boxes tonight?"

I roll my eyes at her. "Probably you. Be my guest."

"Aw, that's no fun. Packing is only fun if we make it a race."

"That's true. It is more fun than it would otherwise be. But do we really have to pack tonight?"

She starts to sound frustrated with me. "Hisao, we're moving in a week, so yes, we kinda do."

Me and Emi have been living together for several months. Recently a little house went up for sale in town and we decided to buy it together. It is a big step, one decidedly larger than living in a rented apartment together. But at this point we love our jobs and we love each other, and we don't see that changing. I had a little anxiety about it at first, but now I'm mostly excited. Though…not so much about the packing

I sigh. "You're right. We'll pack. I'm just feeling lazy."

She lightly slaps me on the butt and giggles, "What else is new?"

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We finished moving into our new place today. It is more than twice as big as the one room apartment we have shared for the last several months. It has two bedrooms, a large living room, a traditional Japanese bath, and a much larger kitchen. We will need to buy some furniture to fill the place out.

One of the things we are most excited about is that we now have a yard and patio. Tonight, we got some take out and we just finished enjoying it in a couple of chairs out on the new patio.

"Well, we did it. We are officially all moved in. I'm glad we hired movers, because even with their help I'm exhausted. And I'm Emi. I don't get exhausted very often."

I laugh, "That's true. It does take a lot." I grab her hand. "I'm really glad we're doing this together. I'm excited for our lives here."

She gets up and then straddles me while facing me and holds my face while she kisses me.

"Me too. I'm so happy you wanted to do this with me. I love you, Hisao."

I brush her hair out of her face and give her a kiss of my own.

"I love you too."

She puts her arms around me, and we snuggle that way for a while, then I get an idea.

"So…we both need a bath after our long day of work and now we have a traditional one. What do you say we try it out? Or are you too exhausted?"

Emi pulls away from me and smirks. "I'm not too exhausted for a bath. But you wanna do more than that, don't you?"

I move my hands down to her lower back, tantalizingly close to her butt.

"Mayyyybe. But if you really are too tired, I'm okay with just a bath."

She laughs, and puts her arms back around my neck, and starts grinding her body against mine with a mischievous glint in her eyes. "I'm not too tired."

"Good. Shall we?"

She quickly takes off her legs. "Let's go!"

I pick her up and carry her to the bathroom. She opens the doors along the way.

Once we reach the bathroom, I set her down on the counter and start running the water.

"I'm really glad we have one of these. It will be much easier for me to use than our old shower." She giggles and pulls me close to her and kisses me while she undoes my belt, "Plus it is very easy for us to use together."

We continue undressing one another and kissing while we wait for the tub to fill.

Eventually, I use the shower head to quickly rinse us both off. Then, I put Emi in the tub before getting in with her. It is just warm enough, and there is more than enough space for both of us.

Once I'm in, I attempt to pull her towards me, eager to get started, but Emi resists my advances.

"Hold on there, mister. We do actually need to get clean, you know. Why don't we wash each other first? Might be a fun way to build up anticipation. Think of it as foreplay." She says the last part with a wink.

I scoff playfully, "Okay, fine. You're right, and it might be kind of fun. Who goes first?"

"I'll clean you first." She puts soap and water on a washcloth and beckons me to sit in front of her. I move as she instructs, and she starts washing my neck, shoulders, and back.

I sigh happily. "This is pretty nice. It's relaxing."

She laughs, "I'm glad you like it. It is kinda nice doing it for you too." She continues washing my back for a few minutes. "Okay, I'm done with your back. Turn around and face me now."

I do as she says, and she giggles proudly when she sees that I am fully erect. She wraps her hand around me for a moment and teases me, "Glad to see you aren't too relaxed though."

I whimper softly when she lets go causing her to giggle again. "Don't worry Hisao, I'll take care of that later. But for now, I need to clean you."

She uses the washcloth to wash my chest and legs, before spending some significant time on my genitals. It takes significant self-control for me to just sit there and take all the teasing.

"You are being more of a tease than usual today."

"Heh, you know you like it. Okay, you're all clean now. My turn!"

"Okay. I will do your back first. Come sit in front of me."

She giggles when she does, "You're poking me, Hisao."

"What was it you just said? Oh yeah. You know you like it."

She laughs, "Yes, I sure do."

I start cleaning her back for her, resulting in some soft moans of approval.

"You know, I first started to think I was in love with you when you were touching my back at the beach. It is always kind of nice when you touch me there. Sort of nostalgic, I guess."

"I'm glad you like it. I first noticed I was attracted to you that day. Seeing you in that bikini was quite the experience. That beach trip was important for us, huh?"

She laughs, "Yep. Chisato's little plan worked quite well that day. While we are talking about that bikini and the early days of our attraction…I have a confession to make. Did you know that time in the hot tub I fell on you on purpose? I wasn't sure you were attracted to me, and I staged the whole thing in an attempt to get a clear answer."

I stop scrubbing her back for a moment.

"Seriously? Well, good job. I thought that was real this whole time. That was the second time I realized I was really attracted to you."

She giggles. "I know it is. I was there. I figured putting my scantily clad self in your lap would make it difficult for you to hide that you were attracted to me. I'm proud it worked out so well. Are you done with my back yet?"

"Yep, you can turn around now."

She does, and when she faces me she puts her arms around my neck and pulls herself up to kiss me and she rubs her most sensitive spot directly against mine. "You can finish cleaning me later. All this talk of those early days has made me want you right now. I don't wanna wait."

"Oh? Well too bad. We have to clean you first."

She reaches down and wraps her hand around me, and gets as close as possible to taking me inside of her, and seductively pouts. "Really? You don't want to get started right now? You don't want to be inside of me, right now?"

It takes every fiber of my being to resist her, and my voice cracks when I do.

"I do. But these are your rules. We have to clean you first."

She raises her eyebrows in surprise and frustration, sighs, and gets back in position for me to clean her.

"I guess turnabout is fair play and all that. Hurry up and clean me then."

I start cleaning her front, spending significant time on her breasts, leading to her clutching my arm and making a face that is part pleasure and part frustration. The same thing happens when I wash her down below. But hey, she did the same sort of things to me. It only seems fair.

Finally, I am done cleaning her.

"Okay, all do-"

Before I can finish my sentence, she leaps on top of me, plants a kiss on my face, and lowers herself on to me all in one surprisingly smooth motion. Water splashes everywhere. I reach around her and place both of my hands on her butt and press her body against mine as hard as I can. She is very well lubricated from our foreplay and the fact we're in the water, so I am fully inside of her very quickly. While she kisses me tenderly with her arms around my neck, she moves herself up and down, moaning softly.

Before long, I take control of the situation, and start lifting and lowering her entire body. Before long she is enjoying herself so much that she can no longer focus on kissing me. She is panting and moaning in pleasure. I know right where her most sensitive spot is, so I take special care to make sure I am rubbing against it. Each time I do, her body shudders more and her moans get progressively louder.

After several minutes of this, she wraps her arms around me, digging her fingernails into me while she climaxes. Her body's contractions also have the effect of squeezing me incredibly tightly, and this also sends me over the edge, as I empty myself deep inside of her. We stay connected for a while, both of us panting and basking in how good we made each other feel.

Eventually the water gets too cold, and we start to drain the tub while filling it with new warm water, because we aren't quite ready to get out yet.

Now spent, she sits next to me with my arm around her. She rests her head on my chest.

"I'm glad we bought a house together, Hisao. And not just cause we can have amazing sex in our new bathtub." She giggles.

"I'm glad too. But mostly because of the sex." This earns me a pinch on the thigh.

"Ow! That was a joke. Was violence really necessary?" I pull her closer to me and kiss her. "I'm also glad that we are building a future together here."

She smiles at me and puts a hand on my chest. "That's more like it. The sex part is a really nice bonus though."
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I just finished doing a presentation in science club about the best universities in Japan for studying science, and what students need to accomplish to get into them. This was mostly intended for second- and third-year students, but Aoki also came to the meeting today and he stayed behind to talk to me.

"Thank you for that presentation, I think it will be useful to have that information so far in advance. I can't say I am looking forward to examination hell in my third year. Kind of insane how many tests we have to take in such a short span of time. I'm already feeling a little anxious about it. How did you get through it?"

"Already looking so far ahead, huh? I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Well, my own experience wasn't the ideal one. I transferred to Yamaku mid-trimester after a stay in the hospital, and then had surgery during the year. So, I only took my exams here that year, and then I went to a cram school for a year before taking the national exam and entrance exams."

"Oh. Yeah, it would have been brutal dealing with all of that at once."

"Yeah, it worked out well for me in the end. I still had lots of exams that next year, but it was a little less intense. The key to all of it, unfortunately, is just staying on top of your schoolwork and studying a lot. There aren't any real tricks beyond that. Something tells me you're going to do well, though. Especially if you're already thinking about your third year."

"I hope so. Well, I should let you go. Tell your wife hello for me, sir."

What?

"…wife?"

Aoki realizes what he just said and looks apologetic.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Your girlfriend."

I blink a couple of times before pulling myself together.

"That's okay, I understand your mistake. We are a couple, and we live together. Pretty close, isn't it?"

"I apologize. I misspoke. Forget I said it. Thank you for your time today, sir, I really appreciate it."

"No problem, Aoki. Have a pleasant evening."

"You too, sir."

...

As I'm walking down the hill, I replay the conversation in my mind, and how it made me feel.

That rattled me far more than it should have. I should have known who he meant and just moved on, but I couldn't.

Emi and I are married in all but name. We talk about our future as if it's the rest of our lives. We live together in a house we own. We love each other deeply. So why did that bother me so much? And why have I not even considered thinking about her as potentially one day being my wife?

After mulling it over for a while, I come up with an answer.

In my mind, Saki is still my wife. Even all these years after I lost her. That's who I thought of first when Aoki mentioned my wife. Someone else having that title seems strange to me.

But the situation does have me thinking.

Obviously, things are heading that way between us. Emi probably does want to get married. I…think I want to marry her. No, I do want to. But I'm going to need time to adjust to the idea.

Part 2 (Emi)

I'm home before Hisao today because he has science club. I am looking forward to him getting home, but there is something eating at me.

We live together now in a house we bought together. I know he loves me. Everything points towards us being together forever. That's how we talk about the future. That should be enough for me.

But now that I have all of that, I don't know if it is. I want to marry him. I want to make it official that I'm his and he's mine. I want everything else that goes along with that.

Our whole relationship has been me being really patient with him. I should try to be here, too. He always "gets there" as he puts it. But I'm having a hard time being patient this time. It isn't like I want him to marry me right now. I just want to know if he ever wants to get married again. But I'm afraid to ask because even asking him about this is pressuring him. I don't want to scare him away.

But I do have someone else I can talk about this stuff with. Someone who has probably become my closest non-Hisao friend. Someone who also knows Hisao really well. I'm going to have to give her a call. Hisao won't be back from science club for a little while.

"Hey Chisato, how are you this evening?"

"I'm doing pretty well, getting ready for a big concert in a few weeks. How about you?"

"I'm good, really excited to be in the new house with Hisao…"

"I feel a 'but' coming..."

I sigh. "You aren't wrong. The but is that…I kind of want to know if he ever envisions getting married. I want to ask him myself, but I also don't want to pressure him. And asking about that would pressure him. So, I don't know what to do. Any advice?"

"You know, I was kind of wondering that myself. With you guys so serious, I kind of thought it was imminent."

"Yeah. I…hope it is. But I don't know. Does he want to get married again?"

"Well…I don't know for sure. But I can imagine him dragging his feet. He has come a long way, but I think you might need to be patient. Marriage is something he has only done with Saki. Something special. So, doing that again might be hard for him."

"Yeah." I sigh. "I just need to keep being patient. I don't know why I am having a harder time with this than the other things."

Chisato laughs, "Everyone has their limit. I wasn't sure you did, as patient as you've been with him. Good to know you're human."

I scoff, "How very helpful, Chisato. I was looking for some of your surprising wisdom, but it looks like you're all out of it."

"Oh, shut up. I just think you love him so much at this point that you kind of want to yell it at the top of a building. There isn't a better way of doing that than getting married."

"Yeah, that is basically how I feel. But I already knew that. You're dropping the ball here, Chisato."

She scoffs. "I also think that you have built a strong enough relationship with him that you don't need to worry as much about scaring him away anymore. I think just asking him about it might be the right thing to do. He isn't going to dump you and disappear if the question makes him uncomfortable."

"Huh, that's a good point. I used to have this mindset that I could mess everything up between us with one wrong move. I think I have gotten better about that for the most part but I guess it's still there. I should just ask him about this."

"Yep, I don't see anything wrong with that. You two are deeply in love, the worst that will happen is he gets a little annoyed. But that's not a big deal. Heck, Mitsuru is a little annoyed at me about half the time." She chuckles.

"See? I knew you had that wisdom in there somewhere. If you ever decide you're done with the piano, you should be a relationship counselor for sure."

She laughs, "Or matchmaking. I do seem pretty good. With you two at least "

"Yes, thank you again Chisato. But I feel kind of selfish, I don't help you with your problems very often."

"Heh, don't worry about it. I still owe you a ton for what you've done for Hisao."

"Well, if you ever need to talk to someone, I'm only a call away."

"I just might take you up on that. But for now, I've gotta run. Hope this helped!"

"It did, as usual. Talk to you later, Chisato."

...

After Hisao gets home from science club, we have a nice dinner together and play some chess. I lose of course, although I do make him curse a couple times. Particularly when I lure him into losing his Queen. I'm definitely getting better.

Now, we're lying in bed together, him spooning me from behind. This usually puts me to sleep quickly, but not tonight. I thought maybe I could sit on this a little longer, but I do have to ask him about this. I have to know now. If he says he never wants to get married again I think I would be able to make it work as long as I know he is in this for the long haul. I just want to know what to expect.

I turn around so I can look him in the eyes and give him my best smile. I put one hand on his chest and the other on his cheek.

"Hisao…how do you feel about…marriage?"

His face immediately turns to one of shock and he pulls away from me a little bit.

Shit, did Chisato steer me wrong? I'm going to kill her. Of course, maybe the problem is the way I asked the question.

"Um…I'm not proposing to you, right now, if you think that's what this is. I'm just asking, do you see yourself getting married again one day?"

His face relaxes once my meaning becomes clearer. He puts his arms back around me.

"I do. But I'm sorry, this is yet another thing where I will ask you to be patient with me." He pauses for a moment. "Saki's the only wife I've ever had. It makes it harder for me than I would like to take that step again. I know you'll tell me not to feel guilty about that. But I should just be ready to take that step with you. You've been nothing but an amazing partner, and I love you so much. But right now, I'm just not ready."

He pauses again and looks lost in thought for what feels like half a minute. I'm about to tell him he doesn't need to say anything else, and I understand, but then he continues.

"I promise, I do want to marry you one day. I don't think it will be soon, but it isn't years and years away either. I think that's the best I can do right now."

I kiss him softly. "Thank you for explaining everything. It makes sense that the idea of a new wife is still hard for you after Saki. I'm glad you see it happening eventually. That's good enough for me."

He smiles at me. "Thanks, as always for being so patient with me, Emi. I know it isn't always easy."

I shrug, "Actually, it really isn't that hard. Every other time you've told me to be patient you've delivered. That makes it easy. Plus, I love you and junk."

He laughs, "I love you and junk too, Emi."

I turn back around, and he resumes holding me as he usually does. He said he wants to marry me one day. That feels pretty good, even if it won't be soon.

I drift off to sleep with a smile on my face.

[guthrum06]

Part 1 (Emi)

I'm at the track a little late after track club. I'm watching Aoki and seeing if I need to give him any pointers. Now that he's been using running blades for over a year, he has become exactly the athlete I was hoping he would when I took him under my wing. His 600- and 800-meter times are already almost good enough to qualify for the Paralympics and he's only 17. Another year and I think he will qualify easily. He might even win a medal. Sometimes it is hard to contain my excitement when I watch him.

I'm currently watching him practice his sprints and he looks really good. He has gotten better at getting upright more quickly, and his improved balance on his blades has made him even faster.

However, I just saw him do something that has me very concerned.

"Hey, Aoki! Looking good! Why don't you take a break for a moment and come over here."

He comes and sits down next to me on the bleachers.

"You're looking better and better out there. But what happened at the end of that last sprint? It looked like you stumbled a little and I think I heard you grunt."

He looks away from me. "Oh..I-I just think I lost my balance for a moment. Don't worry about it."

I look at him sternly. "I might believe that if I didn't run on blades myself. And if I hadn't used almost that exact same excuse before."

He gets more defensive. "Really, it's nothing. I think I'm going to get going. That's enough for today, right?"

I grab his arm as he tries to get up. This would have very little real effect at stopping him, because he is so much bigger than me. But it surprises him, and it makes him stop.

"I'm really sorry about this. But you're going to need to take off your blades and show me your legs. Right now."

He looks at me at first with seething anger, and for a moment I think he is going to yank his arm away and run off or curse me out.

But then he sighs and looks like he is about to start crying.

Yep, that is probably enough to confirm my suspicions. I know what he is feeling all too well.

"Hey, it's okay. I've been in your situation before. Just show me, okay? And then we can figure out what we need to do."

Without saying a word, he takes off his blades, as a few tears run down his face. As I suspected, he has been overdoing it and not taking care of his legs. It is even worse than I imagined. He has a few cuts on each of his legs, and he has clearly been running on them for a while. One of them may even have the early stages of a staph infection.

I put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him, "I did this too when I was your age. Older, even. It's hard not wanting to practice all the time when you love running and want to get even better. I get it."

He can barely look at me when he says, "I have to stop running, don't I."

"For a little bit."

God, I don't want to tell him this next part. I wish he only had to stop running. I remember the first time I heard this, and it crushed me.

"We have to get these cuts to heal. We will need to get you some antibiotics from the head nurse to help with that. Um…you also won't be able to wear any prosthetics at all for the next couple of weeks. I'm really really sorry."

He looks absolutely devastated.

"I…won't even be able to walk?"

"No. Not until they heal. You'll…have to use a wheelchair. I'm sorry."

As soon as I say the word 'wheelchair', he loses what little composure he had left and starts crying openly. Unsurprisingly, he is absolutely devastated. I do my best to comfort him by putting a hand on his shoulder, even trying to put my arm around him. But he recoils from contact. He looks just as angry as he does sad.

"Like I said…this has happened to me. I know how hard it is. I wish there was some way around it. I know it doesn't help to hear it right now, but it's only temporary. When you look back on this it will just be a minor speed bump."

He doesn't say a word and won't even look at me.

"I'm going to go get you a wheelchair, okay? Then I'll take you to the head nurse. She should still be here, and we can figure it out from there, okay?"

He nods but doesn't say a word.

I half expect him to be gone when I come back, but he's still there looking absolutely crushed. I help him into the wheelchair and take him to the nurse. He still doesn't say a word to me. I consider asking him if he wants me to stay with him for the meeting with the nurse. If I did that I could help him get to his dorm. But his silence and the look on his face seems to indicate that he doesn't want me around him. I can't say I blame him. I just gave him horrible news.

"Okay Aoki, the nurse will be with you in a minute. I'll see you later, okay?"

This time he doesn't even nod.

...

I'm at home now, where I found a nice dinner and my nice boyfriend waiting for me. He can see from the moment I walk in the door that something is wrong.

He comes up and kisses me, and then gives me a big hug. It doesn't help as much as it usually does.

"Have a bad day?"

"Yeah. Can we eat first? I'm starving and I could probably use the time to think."

"Sure. Why don't you sit down, and I'll bring you your plate?"

I nod and do as he says. I normally love Hisao's cooking, but right now I can barely taste it. I can't get Aoki's face out of my head. Eventually, I finish eating and I abruptly start talking.

"Aoki is going to be in a wheelchair." My voice sounds even more dejected than I expected.

"What?" Hisao is understandably confused by this coming out of nowhere.

"He…did what I used to do, overdid it so much that he can't even wear his regular prosthetics for a little while."

"Oh, that's going to be hard for him. At least he has you to help, since you've been there before."

Suddenly, I start crying. I don't even know why at first, not exactly. I mean I have empathy for the kid, but there's something else going on to make me this upset. Hisao gets up and kneels next to me and puts his hand on my back. After crying for about a minute, I realize why I feel so bad. It isn't just empathy. I really messed up.

"I-it's m-my f-fault."

I start bawling so hard that Hisao knows there is no point in trying to talk to me. He just puts his arms around me and rocks me until it passes.

Eventually I am capable of speech again, but my voice is strained from all the crying.

"I…shouldn't have pushed him so hard. It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't. He…wouldn't have to be in a wheelchair."

Hisao squeezes me tighter in his hug. "I don't think you should blame yourself, Emi. It is unfortunate that it happened, but you warned him about this before didn't you?"

Hisao is trying to help, but for some reason he's pissing me off more than anything.

"...yeah."

"What more can you do? He's headstrong like you and he wanted to practice as much as possible. It isn't like you told him to overdo it."

"But I am his mentor and coach. I should have been doing a better job of checking up on him. Certainly before it got this bad. I shouldn't have only noticed now."

"But-"

"STOP IT! There isn't anything you can say to make this better. You aren't going to somehow convince me I didn't mess up here. You aren't going to snuggle this problem away either."

He lets go of me and stands up. He looks more than a little hurt. I'm too upset and angry to care right now.

"I screwed up. A student is suffering because of it. I know exactly how awful he feels, and the fact that my own mistakes led a student to this place is unforgivable. I need to do better. That's all there is to it. Nothing you can do or say is going to change that. SO. JUST. STOP. IT!"

Hisao recoils when I raise my voice and he briefly looks even more hurt than he did before. But then, his face shifts to one of concern, and he looks on in silence.

After the moment has passed, I feel really bad for what I said and how I said it. I look up at him apologetically and reach for his hand.

"I'm sorry…I shouldn't have blown up like that…I shouldn't take this out on you. Normally you help me a lot when you do those things, okay? I love that you want to help me so much. But sometimes you just can't."

"You're right. I can't. What are you going to do in the future to do better?"

I can't believe he's staying in the room with me after what I just said to him, much less still trying to help me. He knows he can't help in any direct way to solve the current problem. But he also knows getting me to think about this willmake me feel a little better. I may not be able to do anything to fix the mistake I already made, but I can make sure it doesn't happen again.

"The biggest mistake I made is not making him see the nurse every day. I…kind of didn't want to be that kind of coach. He seemed way more responsible than I was, so I thought he could handle it on his own after I told him to be careful. I hated having to go to the nurse every day and I didn't want him to have to deal with it," I sigh and put my hand on my forehead. "But that was really stupid of me. Seeing the nurse every day was the only reason I didn't end up in a wheelchair more than I did. So…that's the big place where I messed up."

Aoki's face flashes in my head again, I feel more tears coming but I push them down.

"He looked so devastated, Hisao. I don't think I will ever forget his face. And I think the fact that I know how horrible he feels from my own experience makes it so much worse." I sigh "But, at least I've identified where I messed up, and I won't do it again."

Hisao nods, "That's good. Can you think of any way we might be able to help him cope while he's in a wheelchair?"

I think for a moment and then sigh. "Not really. It is just going to suck. Nothing ever made it better for me."

He nods thoughtfully. "Well, I'll do my best. You didn't have any other strong interests back then, luckily he does. Maybe I can distract him with science stuff."

I'm feeling well enough now to bring up our silly competition over Aoki, so that's something.

I stand up from the table and hug Hisao and look up at him with a smirk. "Trying to use this to gain an advantage in our little competition for his future?"

He rolls his eyes. "The kid loves science and running. He can't run for a bit. Seems like a good idea to use one to distract from the other."

"Fine, fine. I'll be watching you, though."

He laughs, "Watching me for what?"

"I dunno. Any nefarious activities. Making sure you don't cheat. Plus, I like watching this cute butt of yours." I give it a squeeze to punctuate my sentence.

He laughs and puts his hands on my butt too. "Okay, I guess you can watch me then. But only if it's okay if I watch your butt all the time too."

"Don't you already?"

He smiles at me. "Is it that obvious? And anyway, why wouldn't I? It's fantastic"

I release his butt and put my arms around his neck to pull him down for a kiss.

"Thanks, Hisao."

"For what, watching your butt all the time?"

I giggle. "Well, yes. I do love how you look at me. But I'm mainly thanking you for talking through this with me after I was a complete bitch to you. I know I already said it, but it was so bad that I think I have to say it again. I'm really sorry for yelling at you like that. To say it was uncalled for is an understatement." I squeeze him tight. "You're my anchor. My pillar of support. You're always here for me and I should never treat you that way for trying to help."

His face gets serious for a moment. "It's fine, Emi…You were really upset and I was trying way too hard to fix it myself instead of just listening. I should have just let you talk about how you were feeling." Then he smiles and squeezes my butt, "Plus, since you have a butt like this, I can put up with a lot."

Part 2 (Hisao)
Aoki didn't come to class today. He has literally never missed class, so it comes as quite a shock, even given what Emi told me about yesterday.

He must really not be doing well. I can't say I blame him. It reminds me of when Saki got hurt and ended up in a wheelchair for a while. It also reminds me of when she had to start using a wheelchair every day. Both of those were very hard times for her. Emi has talked about how hard being in a wheelchair was for her too. So, given my experience, maybe I should have expected this and I'm just kind of an idiot.

I consider tracking down his dorm room but feel like that may be crossing a line. Instead, I'm going to see if his girlfriend will take him the work from today. At least then someone is checking on him.

The bell just rang, so I have to do this fast.

"Shimizu, would you mind staying behind for a moment?"

She nods and stands near her desk.

She is tall for a girl, almost as tall as me. She has red hair and brown eyes. She has hip dysplasia and uses a cane to walk. Sometimes, she reminds me just a little bit of Saki at the same age.

"Would you mind taking today's worksheet to Aoki and letting him know what we covered today?"

I hand her the worksheet, but she looks uneasy.

"Everything okay?"

"I…haven't heard from him since yesterday afternoon."

"Oh, is that unusual?"

"Yes, we usually text pretty much all day. And then he wasn't in class today…I don't know what's going on, but I'm worried."

I'm wondering whether I should tell her what happened, but I think it is best if I don't. It is his choice after all.

"Well maybe he isn't feeling well then. Why don't you go check on him?"

"Okay. That's a good idea. I just hope he isn't mad at me or something."

"I'm sure it's not that. Tell him I said hello if you do see him."

She nods and walks out of the classroom with a little hope in her eyes.

I'm really at a loss with what I should do here. If he decides to not even allow his girlfriend to help him, this could be really bad. I will likely need the help of the medical staff, including the counselor. Hopefully he comes to class tomorrow.

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I'm in the classroom a few minutes early today, partly because I'm anxious about the Aoki situation. Emi is also very worried about him, which has had the effect of amplifying my own concern. Luckily a minute or so before class begins, he and Shimizu both appear.

He looks miserable and they both look like they haven't slept much. Something tells me it took a lot of convincing for her to get him here.

He isn't his usual self in class. He isn't taking notes, he isn't asking questions, and he has no interest in answering them either. I suppose this is to be expected, but it is still kind of hard to see.

Before he and Shimizu depart for lunch, I intercept them.

"I'm glad you felt well enough to make it to class today, Aoki."

He barely acknowledges I said anything. His eyes tell me he wants me to get out of his way, so I do and he leaves. But Shimizu stays behind, and now that we're alone she looks very angry.

"Why didn't you tell me what had happened!? His coach is your fiancée or whatever, right!?"

Well, not technically, but this probably isn't the time to correct her.

"Yes, she is. I did know what happened, but I wasn't sure I should tell you. I wanted to respect his privacy. I thought it would be better for you to hear it from him."

She calms down some. "I guess that makes sense." She looks down at her feet and sighs.

"He really isn't doing well. I've never seen him like this in the six months we've been dating. When I went to his room yesterday, he wouldn't let me in at first. It took me 20 minutes to convince him to let me in, and then I spent the whole night trying to help him feel better about everything. Eventually, I convinced him to get out of his room and come to class."

Her eyes get wide when she realizes what she just said to me. I can't help but laugh, since I broke the same rule all the time when I went to school here, and for much less wholesome reasons than helping someone who was having a crisis. She looks up at me quizzically in response to my laugh.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to report you for violating curfew. You did a good job getting him to come. Do you think you can convince him to come to science club today, too? I think it will help."

"I'll try. But I can't make any promises. I'm not even sure he'll go to the rest of today's classes." She sighs. "I also have newspaper club, so I won't be able to escort him."

I nod, "Well, do your best. That's all I can ask. You should probably catch up with him."

She nods and walks towards the door. Before leaving she turns around.

"Thanks for trying to help him. I don't think I can do it all on my own."

I smile at her, "You are doing a good job and probably making a bigger difference than I can. But yes, I hope I can help a little bit."

Her face takes on some new resolve and her voice becomes confident, "I'll make sure he's at science club today."

...

During lunch, I update Emi on the situation. She isn't thrilled with the news.

"You're lucky he has a girlfriend, I'm not sure anyone else could have gotten him out of there if he's really taking it this hard. Do you really think your little plan will help him?"

"I don't know for sure, but I think so. I don't think I'm magically going to make him stop being depressed about this, but if I can even distract him from his situation for even a little bit, it'll be worth it. There's no track club today right? Do you want to come to science club instead? Maybe talking to you would help him."

She laughs, "And hang out with you nerds? I'll pass."

I chuckle, "I know that's not the real reason you don't want to come. After all, I happen to know you like nerds." Then I whisper, "I have even heard you're sleeping with one."

She halfheartedly laughs and then sighs. The fact that she didn't have her usual Emi laugh is more than a little concerning. She's really taking this hard.

"Based on last time I saw him, I think I need to give him some space for now. I just…I don't know what I would even say to him. He may even blame me to some extent, I don't know. He wouldn't be entirely wrong to. I do need to apologize to him at some point, but right now I don't think he wants to hear it."

She still feels very guilty about everything. She probably did make a mistake not monitoring him more closely. She got caught up in how great of an athlete he is. But we all make mistakes, and she's going to do better in the future.

I nod, "That makes sense. Well, I'll try my best this afternoon."

She laughs. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I hope you can use science to distract him from running for a while."

...

It's almost time for science club, and while I'm glad there are several students here today, Aoki isn't one of them. I sort of planned this next activity with him in mind, but it will be good for other students too.

Just as I'm about to kick things off for the day, Aoki rolls in. He sits in the back with his arms crossed and doesn't look like he wants to be here. Even so, Shimizu must be a miracle worker.

"Okay everyone, we're going to be doing something a little bit different these next few weeks. We've covered a lot of scientific principles both in class and during science club, and I thought it might be fun if we have a competition to see who has the best understanding of the things we've learned. Some of it is going to be trivia, but other parts will involve more hands-on activities where you show your understanding of something. Think of it as a science decathlon. We will have a different event for each of our meetings, and each of you will gain points based on how you do. In the end, whomever has the most points wins."

I can already see that Aoki perked up a little. He has at least uncrossed his arms. If I'm being honest, I had hoped for something a little more. I thought this would be a good idea because it allows him a competitive outlet other than running, and he's good enough at this stuff that it will make him feel good about himself. Emi thought it seemed like it was worth a shot, but she didn't have the highest of hopes.

Now's the moment of truth, I guess.

"Alright, so today, we're going to do some trivia. There are 8 of you here, so I will have you come up in pairs and I will ask 4 questions. Whenever raises their hand first gets to answer the question first. If the first answer is wrong, the second student has a chance to answer. Each correct answer will earn you one point."

I call Aoki and another student to the front first. When I do, I do see a little bit of fire in Aoki's eyes. It isn't just anger like I have seen; he looks excited about something. This might work.

In the end, Aoki gets three points and is tied for the lead. I even saw him smile a few times. Overall, this exercise seems to be a success, and everyone is having fun.

"Alright, well done everybody. When we meet again in two days, we are going to do something a little bit different. It's a secret, but I'll tell you this: it will involve making something."

Once science club is over for the day, I see that Aoki has stayed behind.

"I'm glad you made it today, Aoki. Something you wanted to talk about?"

He considers whether to ask his question, but he does in the end.

"Did you…do this for me?"

Damn, he's even smarter than I give him credit for. But I guess Shimizu probably told him how much I wanted him to come today.

"Sort of. It is something I have wanted to try for a while, and I figured you could use some competition to focus on right now."

"...thank you. Thanks for sending my girlfriend to check on me too. I think I would still be in my room otherwise. You and Ibarazaki are really caring teachers and I appreciate you both going the extra mile. So, thank you. Tell her for me."

"I will. We know this is a hard time for you, and we just want to help. I'm glad we can help a little."

Well, I think I would call this a success.

Part 3 (Emi)

Hisao is on his way to our house from science club. I'm making dinner. Or trying to. I am distracted. I hope Hisao's little game helped Aoki some.

…

When Hisao comes through the door he has a smile on his face, and that is a big relief.

I can't help but broach the subject right away. "I take it he came? And it helped him some?"

Hisao nods. "Yep. It distracted him for a bit at least, and he thanked us. Both of us. He figured out that he was at least part of the reason for the competition."

I feel relieved, but also confused.

"I get him thanking you, but why did he thank me?"

"He said we were caring, and he appreciated it."

"Oh, well that's nice. That does make me feel better about talking to him."

Hisao comes over and kisses me before hugging me to his chest.

"I think he'll be okay now. He still has some hard days ahead I am sure, but I think the worst is over. So don't worry too much, okay?"

"I'll try." I smiled at him. "Well good job Mr. Science, now he probably won't even come back to track."

He laughs, "Yes, this was my plan all along. Get him injured and seduce him away from running."

I giggle "What are you having them do next, anyway?"

"A paper airplane competition. They have to use their knowledge of the dynamics of flight to build airplanes that will go the longest distance. I think maybe you should come. Just to talk to him. I think it will help you both." He laughs, "You can make a paper airplane too, if you want."

"I will have to be at track club, but I can come by and try to talk to him before I go."

He nods and we sit down to dinner. We play some chess afterwards. I still haven't beaten the bastard, but I can tell I am at least starting to challenge him in some games.

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I'm with Hisao in his classroom before science club. I plan to talk to Aoki today. Seeing how he is doing with my own eyes will be nice. It's kind of funny, but being with Hisao in his classroom feels sort of strange. It isn't something we do very often. All the students know we are together at this point, but still. Seeing them looking at us with smiles on their face and whispering to each other is a little unnerving. But maybe I'm paranoid.

When he arrives in class he sees me, and I gesture that we should talk in the hallway.

I sit down on a bench, and he positions himself in front of me.

"I'm glad to hear and see that you're doing better with this. I know it's hard. I'm…really sorry that this all happened to you. You should never have ended up here. It's my fault."

He looks more than a little surprised.

"How is it your fault? You warned me against running too much. You told me to be careful with keeping things clean, especially when I had a cut. I didn't listen. I knew what I was doing wasn't what I should be doing, and I did it anyway. I did everything I could to hide it from you. That made it pretty hard for you to notice."

"Well, that's true but I should have been keeping an eye on you. It's my job. I only noticed once it had gotten bad. I should have made you check with the nurse regularly."

"Well, okay. But I don't blame you. I screwed up. That's why I'm in this situation."

"Well, let's just say we both made mistakes, but from now on we're both going to do better so you don't have to go through this again, okay?"

He nods, looking determined.

"Yes. Thank you for everything, teacher. Learning to run with you has been amazing. It has really changed my life for the better. That's why losing it has been so hard. But I'm looking forward to being able to get back out there."

I smile at him, "You should be very soon. In the meantime, good luck in this science competition. I have to admit it sounds kinda fun."

He smiles, "It is. Though not quite as much fun as running."

Take that, Hisao!

"Have a good time at track club. Tell them I will be back soon."

"Okay, I will. Talk to you later, Aoki."

I exhale as I walk to the track. He really is going to be okay. He's doing so much better. I don't know how much of it is Hisao's doing, but I know at least some of it is.

...

Later that night, as Hisao and I are snuggling on the couch and mindlessly watching something, I think back to everything that has happened with Aoki and how well Hisao handled the whole thing. It makes me realize there is something serious I want to talk to Hisao about. I'm a little worried about bringing it up because he may not be ready to talk about it, but by now I know I'm not going to scare him away with this sort of thing. I turn around so I can look at him.

"I'm glad Aoki's doing so much better. I hope it isn't weird for me to say this, but it made me really think about how good of a father you would be. You really worked hard to find a way to help him. And you're good with all of your students, really."

He smiles back at me and puts his arms around me. "I hadn't thought about it like that. Now that you mention it, I think it shows you'd make a good mom, too. You really care about him, and all of your students. It's something I have always liked about you. Even before we started dating, I loved watching you with your students."

That response probably means I don't need to worry too much about my question.

"Can we…talk about that? Being parents? I know we aren't officially engaged, but we own a house together and you promised we would get married one day. So, I think it makes sense for us to talk about that."

He nods. "Sure. I guess it has been a while since the last time we discussed it at all."

"It has been. Last time was like six weeks into our relationship. So, as we discussed back then, we want to adopt, right?"

He nods, "That is the only option for us after all."

"Right. Do you know how many kids you want?"

"At least one. Probably not more than two. You?"

"I think just one. After all, we are both only children and we turned out okay."

He laughs, "That's true. Since we'll be adopting, there will be some other things we have to consider that most people don't have to think about. Like whether we would only adopt an infant, or if an older child would be okay."

"I think maybe I would prefer a baby, since we would play a bigger role in raising that child from the beginning. But if there's an older kid and it feels right, I would be okay with that too."

Suddenly, an idea pops into my head. I had never even thought about this before, but now that I have, it feels right.

"How would you feel about adopting a kid with a disability?"

He raises his eyebrows. "…I hadn't really considered that."

"I hadn't either until just now. I just think…a child like that will have a hard time getting adopted. You and I are disabled. We know that life. We work with disabled kids for a living. I'm not sure there are better adoptive parents out there for a kid who is struggling with that..."

He smiles at me and puts his hand on my cheek before kissing me.

"You're making me think of Hanako."

I smirk at him, I know full well what he means, but I can't help making a joke. Especially because I suspect Hanako had a thing for him during our student days. "You're thinking about another woman while I'm snuggling with you?"

He laughs, "Well, sort of. She was someone who...never got adopted. If we can keep that from happening to another kid, I think that would be great. So...what I'm saying is, that's a really good idea. When it's time, we should try to do that."

I put my arms around his neck and pull him in for another kiss.

"Okay. I'm glad you like the idea. I'm excited to raise a kid with you someday."

He smiles and strokes my hair, "There's no one else I would want to do it with."

[guthrum06]

Part 1 (Emi)

I have some downtime because one of the students who had an appointment today didn't show up. Just as I'm trying to decide what to do with the extra time, my cell phone vibrates in my pocket. I take it out, see my mother is calling and I consider not answering. But I have already ignored her calls enough this week. I take a deep breath to prepare myself, and then answer the call.

"Hi mom."

"Hello dear, I hope everything is going well."

"Yep things are good. How-"

"So, is Hisao any closer to proposing?" she asks hopefully.

She has been asking this quite a lot lately. It's a major reason I haven't been answering her calls.

"Really, that's the first thing you want to talk about? Before even letting me ask you how things are for you?"

"Well, yes. You're almost 40, dear. I won't dare mention my own age, but I'd like to see a grandchild while I am still on this earth. Thank goodness you two will be adopting, otherwise I wouldn't like your chances."

I sigh in frustration.

"I don't know if he's any closer. I guess technically every moment that passes he is getting closer to asking, but I don't have any timeline. He told me about a year and a half ago that it wouldn't be years and years, and that's still pretty much all I know."

She scoffs.

"I like Hisao quite a lot, but this is getting ridiculous. He needs to stop dragging his feet."

I scoff right back. "That's not very fair, mom. He loves me, he is committed to me, he supports me in every way, and we live together in a house we own. He promised me we will get married one day in the not-too-distant future. That's enough for me. Why isn't it enough for you?"

"I don't know. I just want it to happen really badly, I guess. It isn't bothering you at all?"

"...I guess maybe a tiny bit. I really want to be able to call him my husband, or at least fiancé. 'Boyfriend' doesn't really cut it anymore. We use 'partner' sometimes, which is better, but still doesn't feel like enough for me. I also wouldn't hate it if we could start looking more seriously into adoption and getting the ball rolling there. But he has always been slow with stuff and it has always been worth it to wait. So, I'm waiting."

"I have no idea who you got this patience from. It certainly wasn't me or your father."

I laugh, "I'm not really sure either. I don't really think I am patient about anything other than Hisao."

"Yes, I suppose that's true. You certainly have no patience with me. What makes him so special?"

"Probably the fact that I love him, mom. And yes, before you say it, I love you too, but it's different. Anyway, wasn't Sho quite patient with you?"

"... don't change the subject dear."

"Okay well, why don't I give him a call and ask him myself?"

She sighs, defeated, and she quietly says "Yes, he was quite patient with me."

"And you were slow for the same reasons! So, maybe cut him a little slack. And stop pestering your daughter about it so much."

"Fine. I will try my best."

This will probably last a week at the most.

"Good."

"Oh, there was one other reason I called. Would you and Hisao be able to come over for dinner this Saturday?"

"We should be able to. I will check with him to make sure. But so help me God, if you pressure Hisao about this at all, we will never come over for dinner again. And you won't be invited to the wedding. And you will never know your grandchild."

"Goodness, Emi, calm down. That wasn't what I was planning. We'd just like to see you two."

Part 2 (Hisao)

"So, when will his heats be?"

"It shouldn't be too long. I don't know exactly. Luckily all the sprints are pretty short. We get to enjoy a bunch of running either way, so stop complaining."

"Who's complaining? I was just wondering when we would see him."

Emi is not in a great mood, mostly because she is incredibly anxious. We are in Tokyo, at the Paralympic qualifier for Japan, and Aoki will be trying to qualify for the 600- and 800-meter. She just left him after giving him some final pointers and encouragement, and now she's sitting next to me in the bleachers and fidgeting.

"He is pretty much a lock to make it for the 800 meters, right? Ow!"

My question is answered by a swift punch in the arm, which is more painful than Emi's usual playful violence.

"Don't jinx him, Hisao. Jeez, it's like you don't want him to make it."

Well, I do already know the answer to the question. So, it serves me right, I guess. His times in the 800 meter have been great the last few months. Good enough to make the podium at the last Paralympics. His 600 times haven't been quite as good, but he is still likely to qualify.

"Okay, clearly I'm not allowed to talk about running right now. Is there anything I can do to help? Or is it best if I just sit here quietly?"

Emi thinks about it for a moment, and then scoots closer to me and encourages me to put my arm around her.

"Just sit quietly. I don't need words. I'll just use your body for comfort." She giggles.

I nod. She might sort of be joking, but I think she would really like for me to be quiet right now. There's plenty going on for me to be entertained, and I'm happy to have my arm around her, so it's not all bad.

It is amazing watching all these athletes. I'm always kind of in awe of them. I guess it makes sense that I fell in love with one. Heck, a big part of my relationship with Saki involved athletics too. She never would have described herself as an athlete, though.

Eventually, it comes time for Aoki's first heat for the 600 meters. Emi stands up, so I do too. I give her my hand, which she clutches tightly.

Aoki looks confident and surprisingly at home even under all this pressure.

The gun fires, and as usual his start makes it look like he has no chance. But over the latter half of the race he makes up enough ground to finish in third, which is good enough for him to make it to the next stage.

Emi's grip on my hand became increasingly tight throughout the race and she was cheering like a maniac at the end. It is amazing that someone with such tiny hands can squeeze so hard. She lets go and I shake my hand to relieve it of the pain.

She looks up at me bashfully. "Oops. Sorry."

I laugh "It's okay. So now he has two more races for the 600?"

She nods. "Yep. He has to finish in the top 3 in the next heat. And then in the top 2 of the final one to make it."

After a few more 600-meter heats, it is time for Aoki's next one. We stand again and I decide to give Emi my hand again, against my better judgment. This heat is surprisingly similar to the first, with Aoki making a mad dash at the end to finish in third.

Once it is time for the final, Emi is freaking out a bit. She is pacing back and forth in the bleachers, and is high energy, even for her. While the bleachers aren't crowded, the other people around us are definitely staring.

"If he finishes well here, he is going to be in the FREAKING PARALYMPICS, Hisao!"

"Yep! I hope he makes it."

Luckily Aoki looks far more composed than she does. I give Emi my hand again as the race begins. Aoki has a better start this time, managing to stay in the middle of the pack. However, he can't make up as much ground in the second half of the race. He doesn't seem to have the same speed advantage he had in earlier heats. He simply can't catch two of the other runners, and he finishes in third.

Emi looks surprisingly calm given the outcome. She is definitely disappointed but it's less than I would have expected. She mostly looks concerned as she watches how Aoki reacts.

"That's too bad. He almost did it. I think I need to go talk to him and get him out of his own head."

He looked composed at the start of the race, but he isn't now. His shoulders are slumped, and he looks like he is cursing at himself. If he had on prosthetics that would let him kick something, he probably would.

I nod. "Take your time."

Emi returns after about 20 minutes.

"How is he doing?"

"He's okay. Disappointed for sure, but I told him to just forget about it now and focus on what's still in front of him and got him psyched up. I don't think it will affect him too much in the 800."

"That's good. I'm a little surprised you don't seem more disappointed."

"I'm definitely disappointed, but his 600 times weren't good enough for me to have incredibly high hopes. So, it doesn't hurt too bad."

She turns to me.

"If he doesn't qualify for the 800 though…"

She doesn't need to finish the sentence. I am sure it would crush them both. They have put so much into this.

Before long, Aoki is back out there to run his first 800-meter heat. I switch sides from earlier and give Emi my other hand.

She laughs, "Is your other hand okay?"

"It'll be alright. But I don't think it would be if I gave it to you again."

She sticks her tongue out at me and takes my hand, and the race begins. Luckily, this one isn't very dramatic. Aoki quickly takes the lead and then expands on it. The less dramatic race is good news for my hand.

Emi pumps her fist excitedly. "If he does that for the next two there's no way he doesn't make it."

The second heat goes the same way.

For the third and final heat, Emi is the most elevated I have seen her so far. She is rocking back and forth on her feet and wringing her hands together. She probably wishes she had her blades on so she could jump up and down. She is also very sweaty. Even her hands are sweaty.

Just before the gun fires, she clutches my hand.

Unlike the first two heats, Aoki doesn't start the race from the front. He was a little slow getting off the blocks. But he has plenty of time to take advantage of his long legs and he just manages to finish in second.

After nearly crushing every bone in my hand, Emi steps up on the bleachers and jumps up and down while yelling victoriously. I think there are words in there, but I can't quite make them out.

I'm excited too, but next to Emi you would never be able to tell. Eventually, her excitement transforms into tears of joy. She is still saying something, but it is still unintelligible. She hugs me and buries her head in my chest as she cries. I stroke her hair.

"He did really great. You did really great, Emi. This is amazing. Congratulations."

She looks up at me with a moist face and a broad smile.

"I sniffle guess we should go see him."

She dries her tears on my shirt and takes my hand, and we go to see Aoki.

When we find him, he is surrounded by many happy people. I know his girlfriend, Shimizu, who politely waves. I don't recognize the rest of his entourage immediately, but based on their height and features, I surmise it must be his family.

He sees me and Emi and waves with a big smile on his face. He leaves the gaggle of people to come out and talk to Emi.

"You did great Aoki, I am so proud of you."

"Thank you. I wouldn't have done it without all your help. I want you to come meet my parents."

He looks at me.

"Both of you. Come on."

He leads the way back into his group and positions us before his parents. His father is even taller than he is, and his mother is a few centimeters taller than me. They both have graying black hair and brown eyes.

"Mom, dad, I want you to meet my two teachers. This is Ibarazaki, the track club teacher, and this is Nakai, my homeroom and science teacher."

They both smile at us, and especially at Emi. His mother speaks first.

"Thank you for mentoring him and teaching him to run. We are very proud of him today. We never would have thought of this path for him…so thank you very much for helping him find this passion."

Emi blushes, "I was happy to do it. Your son is a great kid. I have enjoyed every minute of it."

His father speaks up now.

"He has been so much happier since he started running. It has been really great for us to see. So really, we can't thank you enough, Ibarazaki."

Now his eyes shift to me.

"You are quite the dedicated teacher to be at this. I knew the school was doing wonders for our son, and this must prove it really is great."

Maybe I should just let them think that I'm that great and so is Yamaku, but I should probably be honest.

"Oh…uh, well, part of the reason I am here is because of her." I point to Emi with my thumb. "We're…a couple."

His mother's face lights up.

"Oh, that's right. He told us about you two now that you mention it. Well, it is nice that both of you are looking out for our son. Thank you both."

I smile at her. "No problem. Like Emi said, he's a great kid. That makes it easy."

"Well, I think we will be going. Congratulations Aoki."

"It was nice meeting you both. We will see you at graduation I suppose?"

"Yes, we should both be there. It was nice meeting you too."

We leave the stadium. Emi is still wearing a huge smile from the day's events.

...

We are at Chisato and Mitsuru's, where we are staying for the night after Emi's victorious day at the qualifiers.

Mitsuru is especially excited about Aoki's achievement.

"So, he's going to be in the Paralympics, huh? That's amazing. Has anyone from Yamaku ever done that?"

Emi nods. "I looked into that myself. It has happened, but not since like a decade before we were all there. That's pretty much ancient history at this point. So, it is a pretty big deal."

Mitsuru smiles. "That's amazing. Congratulations."

Mitsuru turns to me. "Well, Hisao, should we go pick up the food?"

"Oh…you need me to come along?"

"Yeah man, we need some time alone, just us men." He winks at me.

"Um…okay. Yeah, I don't mind helping."

Part 3 (Emi)

Hisao and Mitsuru just went out the door and the way it happened was more than a little bit supicious. I feel like I was left alone with Chisato for a reason. It feels a little bit like when we were at the beach several years ago. Mitsuru took Hisao off somewhere so Chisato could grill me about our relationship.

I look over at Chisato who has a mischievous twinkle in her eyes, confirming my suspicions.

"You planned this didn't you? Going to interrogate me about something like that day at the beach?"

She smiles so broadly that she looks a little unhinged, and she comes to sit right next to me. She puts her hands on my shoulders and shakes me.

"I HAVE GINORMOUS NEWS!"

"Whoa, calm down. Is it so big that you need to yell and assault me?"

"YES, I THINK IT IS. HISAO IS GOING TO PROPOSE SOON."

I look at her closely, waiting for her to say this is a joke. But I quickly realize she is serious. Now I grab her by the shoulders and shake her right back.

"WHAT?"

"HE IS GOING TO SURPRISE YOU WITH A TRIP TO OKINAWA OVER SPRING VACATION. HE IS GOING TO PROPOSE THERE!"

"DID HE TELL YOU THIS?"

"YEP!" She looks a little ashamed and lowers her voice. "I promised not to tell you, but I was too overwhelmed with excitement to honor a silly promise like that."

"Wow…this is…I'm so HAPPY." I start tearing up. "I'm sniffle so excited. I've wanted this for a long time. I'm so happy he's ready. This is sniffle probably the best day of my life between this and Aoki."

She hugs me.

"Yeah, I thought you needed to know. You've been so patient for so long. He's such a silly slowpoke. Anyway, early congratulations to you. I'm so happy for both of you." She breaks the hug and smiles. "Just remember who made this whole thing happen."

I laugh and roll my eyes, "Yes, Chisato, you won't ever let us forget. Are you going to make us name a kid after you or something?"

"Hmm…you know that's not a bad idea…"

"Well whatever. We'll do whatever you want. I don't care. I'm just so excited. Thanks for telling me."

"No problem. Don't be too obvious about knowing though! Act surprised and everything."

"Yeah, yeah I will."

The front door starts to open.

"Shit. They're back. Act natural."

---

It's the first day of the Spring holidays. Chisato was right, Hisao told me a few days after our talk that we were going on a trip to Okinawa. We leave in a few days. I can't wait. Now that Chisato was right about that, I am certain we will return from that trip engaged and I'm incredibly happy about that. I knew it was coming at some point, but I had convinced myself he wouldn't be ready for a while longer.

We're on our usual morning run. I can't help but have a stupid smile on my face every time I look at him, though I do my best to make sure he doesn't see me. I kind of wish Chisato hadn't told me, so I would be surprised, but it's nice to know that this man I love so much is going to propose so soon. I'll be his wife soon, and that thought makes me want to explode with excitement. It has been very hard not to be too obvious about this.

As usual, Hisao is on the bleachers by the time I finish. Once I'm done, he gets up to get something out of his bag, and he drops his water bottle, which rolls behind me.

"Oh, can you get that for me?"

I turn around to pick up the water bottle he dropped, and when I turn back towards him, Hisao has a broad smile on his face that is more than just a little mischievous.

"Emi, I think you've been patient with me long enough. We don't need to wait until Okinawa for this."

He gets down on one knee. And pulls out a jewelry box. I gasp and leave my mouth hanging wide open.

Is this really happening now? Here? WHAT?!

"I know a track isn't the usual place where someone proposes. I know we are wearing our workout clothes and we're all sweaty and stuff. But we became friends here. You made me healthy here. We fell in love here. I realized I loved you while I was watching you run your sprints right over there. So, it seemed like a great place for you and me to take that next step. Emi, I love you so much. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to raise a child with you. I want you to be my wife. Will you marry me?"

He reveals a beautiful gold ring with a single large diamond.

I'm rendered speechless for a moment, with my mouth still hanging wide open. Luckily, Hisao doesn't look too nervous. It probably helps that he knows I'm going to say yes.

After several moments, I overcome my shock enough to respond. I close my mouth and smile down at him while I feel a few happy tears making their way down my face.

"I…yes, I want to marry you, Hisao. More than I have ever wanted anything."

He smiles up at me and slides the ring on my finger. I get impatient and pull him up so I can kiss him. We enjoy a tender kiss for several seconds until I pull away. Luckily it is the spring holidays, and no one is around. Although, even if there was someone, I think we would get a pass given the circumstances.

"I…had no idea this was going to happen today. I thought you were waiting for Okinawa. That's…um, what Chisato told me."

I probably shouldn't have told him that.

"Um…Don't be too mad at her for breaking that promise."

He laughs. "I wanted to find a way to surprise you, even though you knew it was going to happen. I knew as soon as we had a big trip planned, you would know I was going to propose. So I got Chisato and Mitsuru in on it. I asked her to tell you I was going to propose during our trip. Sorry for the deception, but I'm glad it worked so I could surprise you. And now we can go to Okinawa engaged. It can be sort of a pre-honeymoon I guess."

I should be mad at them for tricking me, but I'm too happy for that right now.

I nod, put my arms around him and put my head on his chest as I start to tear up. "I'm so happy you want me to be your wife. I know this is a big step, an extra big step for you. So, it means a lot."

He strokes my hair, "I'm happy you want to be my wife. I'm happy you stuck with me all this time, as slow as I was about…well…everything."

I look up at him and smile. "As I've told you before, you're easy to stick around for. You're just…an amazing man, Hisao. I love you so much. Now then, with that sappy part out of the way, let's go home. We need to get off this campus or I'm going to be tempted to do something very risky." My eyes wander towards the old track shed. It's been a long time since I fooled around in there, but right now it is a special occasion.

Am I actually considering this seriously?

He sees my eyes and laughs, "We aren't going to use the shed like you did when you were a student. That seems like a very bad idea for two employees of the school, don't you think? So, let's get home quick! How about a race?"

"You're on!" I grab my bag and bolt towards the campus entrance.

"Hey, that's not fair, you're getting a head start!"

I turn around and run backwards so I can stick my tongue out at him. "We both know you wouldn't have won anyway. But you better hurry!"

I turn back around and take off at full speed down the hill, with a huge smile on my face with my future husband trailing behind me. He may never be as fast as I am, but even though I always get places before he does, he's worth waiting for.

[guthrum06]

Part 1 (Hisao)

One of the first things we did after getting married was to get the adoption process started. We filled the application out online while we were on our honeymoon. It can take some serious time to move through the system, and we aren't getting any younger. We would have started even sooner, but you have to be married or they won't even consider your application.

The whole process is a huge pain, too. We have to show how much money we make, write about our education and our jobs, show we own a home, and on and on. I understand why they need these things when screening adoptive parents, but it doesn't make the process less tedious and frustrating.

We also found that the fact we haven't been married that long might end up pushing us further down the list, in favor of couples who have been together longer. That was a little disheartening. But that's my fault for taking so long to marry Emi.

All we can do now is wait.

---

It's only been six months since we sent our adoption application in. We were told we may not hear anything for up to 18 months, so it came as quite the surprise when we got called for an interview. A social worker is coming to talk to us today. We are nervous, to say the least. Emi seems even more nervous than me. She's pacing through the house and trying to touch up any little spot she thinks might be dirty.

"Do you think the bathroom is clean enough? Should we clean it again?"

I laugh, "If we clean it any more the tile is going to start coming up. Plus, she will be here in 30 minutes. I don't think there's anything we can do in that amount of time. But the house looks great, you look great, and we are going to do our best."

Emi is wearing a cute ankle-length blue dress that is very conservative for her. She bought it specifically for this occasion. She says it is 'maternal.' I don't know about all that, but she definitely looks good in it.

"I know, but there is so much riding on this. If she hates us, we may never get a child."

She isn't entirely wrong there.

"That's true. But why would she hate us?"

I pat on my lap for Emi to come crawl on me how she likes to. She obliges and we look into each other's eyes.

"This is definitely scary. I'm scared. But we're great, okay? We're going to get a kid just by being ourselves."

She sighs. "I hope you're right. But I need to be doing something right now or I am going to lose my mind waiting. I can't even relax in your lap right now." She climbs out of my lap.

Wow, she must really be anxious.

"I'm going to make sure we have fresh tea and coffee, and plenty of cold drink options too. And I will also prepare a variety of quick snacks so that she can have pretty much anything she wants."

"Okay I'll come help."

...

There's a knock at the door. We go to the door and open it together to welcome our guest. When we open the door, we find a short woman in her 50s, wearing a black skirt and blazer over a white button-down shirt. She has dark shoulder length hair and wears a pair of black-framed glasses. She looks rather unassuming, overall.

"The Nakais I presume? I am Ms. Yamaguchi. I am here to evaluate you for adoption."

Emi responds, "Yes, please come in and have a seat. Did you have a long drive here today? Is there anything I can do for you? Would you like something to eat or drink?"

Sometimes when Emi is nervous she becomes overly polite and peppers people with questions about how she can serve them. In this case, it might actually be beneficial.

Ms. Yamaguchi takes a seat in a chair in the living room that sits opposite the couch. I can't detect an ounce of emotion on her face.

"Yes, I will take some cold water If you have it."

Emi nods dutifully and goes to the kitchen to get her water.

I take a seat on the couch and Ms. Yamaguchi's eyes fix themselves on me.

"You two have a lovely home. I haven't been to this town before. It is quite quaint."

I nod. "Yes, we like it here. We both went to high school up the hill and liked the town back then. So, we were pretty excited about getting to live here."

Emi returns and gives the social worker some cold water. Ms. Yamaguchi thanks her and takes a sip. Then, she gets out a large folder and a pen. I guess things are getting very real now.

Emi comes and sits next to me on the couch. She reaches out for my hand and I give it to her.

"I apologize for immediately diving into this, but I'm on a tight schedule. Do you two mind if I ask you a few questions?"

I smile, "Of course not. That's what you're here for right?"

She nods. "So, you two have only been married less than a year, but you went to high school together? Have you been together all this time?"

Emi takes the lead on this one.

"No, we were just friends back then. We started dating after we both got jobs at our alma mater. We've been together for five years."

The social worker nods and writes something down.

"Mr. Nakai, I see here that this isn't your first marriage. Can you tell me why your first marriage ended?"

Is she…serious? It is clear from what we sent in that Saki passed away. It annoyed me a little that I had to write about that in our application. Did she not actually read our application or is this some sort of test?

I am only brought out of my head when Emi squeezes my hand and smiles at me. She knows exactly what I'm thinking. I'm just going to answer this as directly and unemotionally as I possibly can.

"My first wife passed away."

Ms. Yamaguchi nods as if I just told her something incredibly boring, scratches something down, and continues.

"Why are you two choosing to adopt?"

"I have a heart condition that has a genetic component, and we didn't want to pass it on to our child." She nods again.

Is this woman truly this emotionless? Or is this some sort of mask she wears so as not to indicate to people what she is thinking?

"Why do you two want to have a child?"

Emi takes the lead on this one.

"Well, like any couple I suppose, we love each other very much and we want to raise a child together. We want to help this child find their way in the world and make a positive impact on it."

She nods.

"Would both of you continue working if you had a child?"

This one is something we have talked about. Emi responds.

"I would stop working until the child was ready for school."

"And your income alone would be enough, Mr. Nakai?"

"Yes. We have also been saving money for this." Yet another mechanical nod.

Suddenly, she has a very tiny smile on her face. From what I've seen of her so far, it is equivalent to a 1000-watt smile. "You two had quite an unusual request on your application. One that we haven't really seen before. Is it correct that you two would be interested in adopting a child with a disability?"

We say "Yes" in perfect unison.

"Can you tell me a bit more about that? Why would you be interested in taking on such a challenge?"

I take the lead on this one.

"We're actually both disabled ourselves. As I mentioned earlier, I have a heart condition."

Emi gestures towards her prosthetic legs. "And I'm a below-the-knee amputee."

"Right. We also both work at Yamaku, a high school for disabled students – it's where we met. Emi was actually the one who came up with the idea, how did you put it?"

"Well, I just felt that there probably aren't two better people out there when it comes to raising a child with a disability thanks to our experience. So, we decided we were open to that."

Ms. Yamaguchi nods with a tiny smile on her face, but then she goes back to being emotionless.

"Mr. Nakai, may I ask how your health is?"

I figured this would come up, so luckily this one doesn't catch me off guard.

"It is quite good. I have a pacemaker and I take care of myself with nutrition and exercise. My doctor says my heart is in great condition, especially for someone with arrhythmia."

Another emotionless nod.

"So, there isn't any extra risk of you passing away and leaving behind your wife and your potential child?"

Okay, I wasn't prepared for that. Although I should have been.

Emi smiles at me and squeezes my hand.

"There is…some risk that could happen. My condition isn't always entirely predictable. So, the risk is…somewhat higher than a normal man my age."

Another emotionless nod followed by her scratching something down. I wish I could tell what this woman was thinking. A minute ago I thought we had won her over, but now I'm not so sure.

"In the event you did adopt a disabled child, would you be prepared for potential medical costs?"

Emi nods. "Yes. We have saved enough money over the last few years because we knew we wanted to do this."

She nods again.

"How much experience do you two have with children?"

This is one of the questions I was most worried about, but I think we have a good enough answer.

"Admittedly, our experience with children younger than high school age is somewhat limited. One of our friends recently had a baby and we've been getting some practice in that way."

Emi smiles and adds "We are also reading as much as we can about it and are doing everything we possibly can to be prepared."

She nods again. "Would you mind if I look around your lovely home?"

Emi smiles, "Not at all. I can give you the tour."

The social worker stands up with her pen and folder.

"Actually, I would prefer to look around on my own. I will let you know if I have any questions."

Emi looks a little put out by this, but I only think I can tell because I know her so well.

Before long, the social worker is looking at our second bedroom. We've already been in the process of getting it ready for a child, though because we don't know the potential child's age, we haven't gotten anything that might only be good for an infant yet.

"This would be the child's room?"

"Yes, we've been getting it ready. Once we know more, we'll be able to finish."

She nods and spends some significant time looking around the room, before moving on to the kitchen.

"You two will need to do some things to make the house safer for a child. Especially in the kitchen."

Emi nods, "Yes, we've thought about that. We plan on child-proofing things to make it safe."

Ms. Yamaguchi seems as satisfied with that answer as she is with any of them.

Eventually, after she's looked through the whole house and scratched things down on paper without saying much, she ends up back in the living room, near the front door.

"Well, I must be going. Thank you both for showing me your hospitality today. You should be hearing something from our office soon."

Both of us are a little put out by this abrupt exit, especially because we have no idea how we did. Emi makes a valiant effort to get her to stay a little longer.

"Oh…would you like anything to eat or drink before you go?"

"No thank you. Goodbye." She takes a few steps towards the door before stopping in her tracks. She stays that way for so long that I start to worry something is wrong.

But then she turns back to us and looks like a completely different person. She has a wide smile on her face and a twinkle in her eyes.

"I want to tell you that I will be highly recommending you two for adoption. This…isn't normally something I would tell you face to face. Normally I do everything I can not to show how I'm thinking about things during this process. But I wanted to let you know this now, because I can see how badly you two want a child."

I smile broadly and Emi looks absolutely elated and is bouncing up and down a little bit. For a moment I think she's going to tackle-hug the social worker, but luckily, she manages to contain herself.

"It doesn't guarantee anything, mind you. There are others that have to approve of you too. And it will probably take a while. But in my eyes, you will make excellent parents. I especially appreciate your willingness to adopt a disabled child. Most them never leave the system and end up being wards of the state until adulthood. It is not a great way to start out life."

Emi tentatively takes a step towards the social worker before taking a step back and asking, "Can I…hug you? Would that be okay?"

Ms. Yamaguchi laughs and stretches out her arms, "Yes, you may."

The two hug, and I can see tears starting to form in Emi's eyes.

I smile at them, "As you can see, we're very happy you think we'll make good parents."

Emi releases her from her hug and returns to my side.

"Yes, I can see that you two are more than ready. I will do my best. Unfortunately, I must be going. I hope you two receive a call soon."

Emi wipes a tear off her cheek. "Thanks for everything. Have a pleasant drive home."

After Ms. Yamaguchi leaves, Emi turns around and jumps as high as she can in her regular prosthetics. I catch her and pull her up for a kiss, while she puts her arms around my neck.

"We're going to have a FREAKING CHILD, Hisao!"

I smile at her, "It's probably going to take a while. Good thing you're so used to being patient."

Part 2 (Emi)

We're on the train on our way to Tokyo to meet with the orphanage. It's been about 9 months since our interview and a year since they approved us, and it has been an agonizingly long wait for things to move forward. We've been getting jittery every time a phone rings because we're both so excited. Finally, last week, we got the call we had been waiting for.

A little girl was born with a medical condition and her young single mother chose to give her up for adoption because she didn't have the means to care for her. She's one month old now, and we're going to hear about her condition today and meet her tomorrow. They wouldn't tell us much more on the phone.

Both of us are anxiously waiting for this long train ride to be over. We've tried to distract ourselves and one another, but it isn't working so well. Hisao can't read, and I can't doze, so I know we aren't our normal selves. So, I guess I'm just going to lean into this.

"Have you thought at all about names you would want to give a child?"

Hisao shakes his head. "Not too much, actually. I sort of thought since we're adopting, I probably shouldn't get too hung up on that. Especially if we adopted a kid who already has a name that they answer to."

"Yeah, that's why I haven't really brought it up. But now that we know about this little girl who is only a month old, we could think about some girl names." I smile, "What about Chisato? She told me we should name a kid after her."

We both giggle uncontrollably, attracting some stairs. I guess our amped up anxiety has made our laughs sound creepy.

"The funny thing is, it was probably a joke, but she would love it if we did that."

We continue to talk about some of the names we like for the rest of the train ride, and it did speed things up a bit.

...

We're sitting in a sterile-looking room waiting to meet with the orphange's chief physician. Normally this wouldn't be who we meet with first, but he's going to tell us about this little girl's condition. We're very anxious to find out what it might be. We've been waiting for a while, as one often does at a doctor's office, but eventually he arrives.

He knocks on the door and sticks his head in. "Are you the Nakais?"

We answer in the affirmative and he steps all the way through the door and takes a seat on a stool across from the bench we're sitting on.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Takagi. I'm here to tell you about one of the children who is currently in the orphanage."

Hisao answers, "Yes, we're looking forward to finding out more. All we know so far is her age and sex. But we understand she also has a condition?"

He nods somewhat solemnly.

"Yes, she has a genetic disorder called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. It affects her connective tissues. In her case, this mostly means her joints. It was evident at birth because her joints are hypermobile. Her shoulder and elbow got dislocated during the birthing process, which is quite rare. She also has scoliosis."

I know a fair bit about joint dislocation from my work, especially how painful it can be. That poor baby was introduced to life by what had to be excruciating pain. I look over at Hisao and see a look of deep concern on his face. To me, it sounds distinctly different from Saki's ataxia, but it is just similar enough that there's no way he isn't thinking of an important question. I don't think he can bring himself to ask it, so I will.

"Is it…a degenerative condition?" Hisao thanks me with his eyes.

"Thankfully, no. It isn't fatal and it won't really get worse. However, she is going to have challenges in her life because of her condition. She'll have chronic pain in her joints." He grimaces, "Unfortunately, based on how frequently she cries, she is probably already experiencing it. Her joints will also regularly become dislocated just doing daily things. Dislocations aren't especially dangerous but they are extremely painful. Getting them back in place can be difficult and potentially even more painful than the dislocation itself. She will also be at higher risk of a variety of issues, including developing arthritis when she is quite young as a result of all the extra stress on her joints."

Hisao looks more relaxed now, though I wouldn't say that all the concern has left his face. For me at least, this seems like a challenge I can handle.

"I…happen to be a physical therapist, so I actually know quite well how to put joints back in place, though I don't have much experience doing it with an infant."

The doctor raises his eyebrows and nods approvingly.

"Oh, that will likely serve you quite well if you do adopt her. I was going to say that physical therapy will be crucial when she's older, because it can help her have fewer dislocations. Her scoliosis is probably treatable. She'll have to wear a back brace and things, but that aspect of her condition will probably be treatable. As far as her joints go, though, I'm afraid it will be a lifelong struggle. There's no treatment that will solve her problem entirely."

Hisao responds, "I don't know if they told you, but we both have disabilities. While we don't have the same one as this little girl, we do know a little something about having a lifelong struggle with our own bodies."

Based on the doctor's face, they definitely did not tell him that.

"Well…then you two are particularly well-suited to the challenge." He chuckles and looks at Hisao. "I don't suppose you're also a doctor who specializes in Ehler-Danlos Syndrome?"

Hisao laughs, "Unfortunately not. Just a science teacher."

The doctor chuckles, "Well, even so. One parent is a physical therapist and you both know what it is like to be disabled. I'm not sure there are two better people out there to adopt a child like this one."

I giggle, "That's what I've been saying since we decided we might adopt a disabled child. It is nice to hear it confirmed by a doctor."

He smiles and nods. "Well, do you have any more questions for me?"

We look at each other and then Hisao answers the question.

"I don't think so. We have a meeting tomorrow with the adoption agency to meet her. We'll have to think about this. Thanks for all the information."

He nods and stands up, "Well, it was lovely meeting you both. Good luck."

...

Now we're over at Chisato and Mitsuru's place. We just finished eating take out and now we're talking everything out with them as we try to decide whether we want to adopt this little girl. I've already made it clear that I'm leaning towards saying 'yes' barring something really going wrong tomorrow. Hisao seems to be a little bit more uncertain and it's a little frustrating. Chisato and Mitsuru also both seem to think we should pull the trigger.

"So, why exactly are you on the fence about this, Hisao?" asks Mitsuru.

He sighs. "I don't know. I know we decided that we might want to adopt a child with a disability, but now that the choice is here, I'm struggling with it. I'm really worried about it. Do I want to have a daughter who has all these extra struggles in life? Do I want a daughter who is constantly in pain? I just know it's going to be hard."

"Well…you know Hisao, whether we adopt her or not, this little girl will still be going through all of this. Just…not with us to help her." My voice came out sounding a little more frustrated than I meant to.

He sighs and looks a little ashamed, "Yeah. I know. I guess I sound pretty awful, huh?"

Chisato puts a hand on his shoulder, "You're not awful. I get what you're saying. Maybe having a child who doesn't have those extra hurdles in life would be…easier. I would be lying if I said I'm not relieved that Daisuke hasn't inherited my diabetes or Mitsuru's hearing. We were ready to face the challenge if things went that way. But we hoped throughout everything that we wouldn't have to."

"Yeah…" Hisao runs his hand through his hair while he's lost in thought for a long moment.

"But if Daisuke did have any issues, you would have loved him and done everything you could for him, right?"

Mitsuru responds, "Well…yeah, of course."

Hisao thinks again for several moments with his brow furrowed.

"I know it isn't exactly the same, since we aren't having the baby ourselves, and we aren't saying we'll accept her whether or not she's born with a disability, since she has already been born with one. But...maybe it isn't that different? We are being presented with an opportunity to have a child, just like you guys were when Chisato got pregnant."

He looks at me and then grabs my hand. I smile at him because I think I can see where this is going. Thank goodness.

"So, maybe we should just accept what the outcome of this opportunity is, just like you two did. It's a little girl that we get to raise and love."

I squeeze his hand.

"That means you're thinking 'yes' too now, right?"

He nods. "I'm sure there will be hard days because of her condition. But I do think it's a challenge we can handle, and we get what we've wanted for so long: a child to raise together."

I pull Hisao down for a gentle kiss and Chisato breaks into mock applause.

"Well, good. At least you are on the same page about this now. So, you will meet her tomorrow, right?"

I nod, "Yep, we get to see her. I'm sure she's freaking adorable. If we do say yes, there will still be a little while before we get her. At least a month or so while custody is transferred and all that nonsense."

Chisato smiles warmly at us, "Well, it sounds like you two might have a daughter very soon."

I already had thought of this of course but hearing the word 'daughter' out loud does slightly freak me out. I'm going to be…a mother? I guess I really am a grown up. It took me until 41 to feel that way.

While I'm lost in thought about this development, Mitsuru asks, "Have you guys thought about names at all?"

Hisao nods. "We actually talked about it on the train ride here today, so we have a few we are considering."

"I have an idea for her name."

I scoff, "My God, Chisato, I was joking when I said we would name a kid after you."

She only smiles halfheartedly, and it gives me pause. She normally gets a silly smile on her face when I tease her. Things are about to get serious, which I didn't really expect in a conversation about names for a little girl.

"I know, that's…not what I had in mind. We were thinking if we had a girl, we would have named her Kayoko. But we didn't, and we aren't having any more kids. So, I just thought I would suggest it for you two to think about, since you might have a daughter."

Kayoko? The name is really pretty. But it also sounds very familiar to me, yet I can't place it. It clearly means something to these three, based on their serious faces. Where have I heard it before?

Just as I am about to ask, Hisao jogs my memory. "I guess you were in the same class as her during your first year at Yamaku, huh Emi? I never actually met her. She had already been gone for two years when I got there."

Oh. That Kayoko. She was in my class. She died during our first year. I can't believe I forgot about her. I probably blocked that out, given all my issues with losing people. Actually coping with one of my classmates dying would not have gone very well for 17-year-old Emi.

I nod, "I knew her a little."

Hisao explains further, "She was really close with Saki and Chisato. They were in band together. During that first year they wrote a song that Chisato and Saki performed at their last recital at Yamaku, the one that allowed Saki to get into school to study music at the eleventh hour. Kayoko was one of Saki's biggest inspirations when she shifted towards composition. That first song she wrote represented the three of them. The two violins are Saki and Kayoko, and the piano is Chisato."

Suddenly, that song means a lot more to me. Hisao always has such an emotional reaction to it and watching him when we listen to it always moves me a little, but this whole time I thought it was just because of Saki. I didn't know about this other layer. This whole thing also makes me really feel for Chisato. She lost her two best friends before she was 30.

Chisato puts her hand on my shoulder and smiles at me, "We aren't going to force you to use the name, it's just a suggestion. It won't hurt our feelings if you don't. I know the name doesn't mean anything to you."

I grab Hisao's hand.

"We will think about it for sure. It's in the running. I think it's a really pretty name. It also matters to me that the name means something to all of you. And now that I know the story behind it, it sort of means something to me too."

Hisao nods in agreement, Chisato and Mitsuru also seem satisfied with my answer.

Chisato smiles broadly and leans back in her chair with her arms behind her head. "Welllll, If you decide not to go with that one, there is always Chisato. You know, the name of the wonderful, beautiful woman, who is responsible for you two being together? What better way is there to thank her? I mean, if it weren't for her this little girl wouldn't even have the opportunity to have you two as parents. You'd probably both still be oblivious about your feelings for one another."

I'm thankful that we're shifting back to being less serious.

Hisao rolls his eyes and responds before I can.

"Sorry Chisato, that one's not even on the list."

---

Today, we're meeting a baby who might become our daughter. At this point, I don't know what it would take to get me to say 'no,' as my mind is pretty much made up. I have a feeling that seeing this adorable little bundle of joy will only stoke the fires of my maternal instinct. After last night, I think Hisao feels more or less the same, though he is still being a little more cautious than I am. It is probably good to be somewhat cautious about such a big decision.

We're going to the orphanage where she's currently staying and meeting with the orphanage director. I can barely contain my excitement once I'm there. I feel like a child on their birthday.

Eventually, we're led into her office. She sits down at her desk and we sit on two chairs across from her.

"Welcome Mr. and Mrs. Nakai, would you like anything to drink?"

No, lady, just show us our baby!

"Oh, I think I'm okay. What about you, Hisao?"

"I'll have some tea if it isn't too much to ask."

You'll…WHAT? I should have answered for you, you fool. You're wasting valuable time!

The director comes back with Hisao's tea and sits back down at her desk.

WHY ARE YOU SITTING, LADY! GO GET OUR BABY!

It's Okay. Breathe Ibarazaki. Breathe. Don't go crazy or they won't let you have a baby at all.

"...so what will the process be like today?"

"Well, first, I want to ask if you have any questions for me? I understand that you met with the doctor yesterday, who explained her condition to you, correct?"

YES, GET ON WITH IT!

Hisao nods, "Yes, we know all about it. Although now that we're here, one question does come to mind that I didn't think of yesterday. I suppose we must be extra careful holding her?"

Okay well..I GUESS that's a good question…I'll give him a pass on that one.

The director nods. "Yes, she is somewhat delicate. She has braces on her major joints to keep them from moving too much. You have to be a little careful with her, but as long as you hold her gently, she'll be very happy. Any other questions?"

"I don't think so."

The director smiles broadly at us. "Well, whenever you're ready, we can go and meet her. I'm sure you're eager to."

I'M READY! I want to snatch Hisao's tea away from him and smash it against the wall, maybe then he'll be ready too.

"Well, I think I'm ready Emi, are you?

"YES!" Oh…I said that one out loud, didn't I?

Hisao and the director both look at me and I feel my face flush. "Um…sorry…I got a little excited."

Hisao laughs and the director smiles. "Well, that's understandable. Follow me."

She takes us to a room in the orphanage where our little girl and three other babies are staying. She guides us to her crib, which contains the most beautiful little sight I've seen in my entire life.

She is sleeping soundly with a somewhat thoughtful look on her face. She is almost entirely bald, save for a few dark tufts of hair. As the director explained, she does have braces on her wrists, elbows, knees, and ankles. They are the tiniest little braces I've ever seen, and they are adorable. Her scoliosis is evident with the way she is laying, as there is a slight curve to her torso and her shoulders are uneven. They say symmetry is beauty, but this little asymmetrical baby proves that wrong the moment you look at her. I want nothing more than to snatch her up and hold her to my chest, but I'm able to contain myself.

I look over at Hisao, who is wearing the warmest smile I've ever seen on his face. I've seen him smile a lot at this point, but this one is different. I might even call it paternal, although maybe that's just me getting caught up in the moment. Either way, I can already tell he feels the same way I do. I don't see any concern in his face now.

He leans down and whispers to me.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?"

I nod excitedly and turn to the director.

"Should we wait until she wakes up? We don't really want to disturb such an adorable nap."

The director smiles at me. "She'll likely be awake very soon. You can wait if you like, but I think if you'd like to hold her you won't disturb her too much."

I feel a little nervous now that this moment is here. I hope I don't hurt her. Holding babies this young already stresses me out a little bit because of their neck, but with her there's far more to worry about. How was I so gung-ho about this a minute ago? I look up at Hisao, and he nods. Looks like he's picked up on my trepidation.

"Okay, I'll pick her up if that's okay?"

The director nods and Hisao very delicately slides his hands underneath her. He uses one hand to support her neck and his other hand and forearm to hold her body still. He picks her up and I move to the same side he is holding her on. I put my hand on her little chest and look at her while Hisao smiles down at both of us. I think we can be a family. I'll always remember this as a perfect moment.

After we snuggle her together for a while, I feel that I've gained the courage to hold her myself. Hisao picks up on this and very gently passes her over to me, and I make sure to support her neck and the rest of her body. For a moment, she looks just as happy in my arms as she did in Hisao's, but before long she starts crying. I do my best to calm her down by stroking her head and moving around, but it doesn't go well, her crying gets louder. I'm trying my best not to panic. Babies do cry, after all.

The director, who has been observing us all along, approaches us.

She frowns slightly, "It is unlikely she is hungry right now; she ate quite recently. She is probably in some pain, unfortunately."

I nod, "Is there anything that seems to help?"

"She always does a little better being held. It comforts her some. So, it's good you're already doing that. Unfortunately, there isn't a whole lot of medication she can take because of her age. That will become easier as she ages."

I try rocking her in my arms while Hisao gently strokes her head. After a few minutes, she settles down again and falls back asleep. I don't know whether it was because of us or if it passed on its own, but either way, seeing her so tranquil again is a beautiful sight.

I can already see that there are going to be some challenges with her that we wouldn't have with other babies, and that Hisao was probably right to bring those up. But I don't care. I love her. I want to raise her and care for her. I want her to be our daughter. I don't want to leave her here. I want to take her home with us now. The way Hisao is looking at us tells me that he feels the same. But we both also know that that isn't how this works.

We get to spend a little more time with her, but then our time is over. I put her back down in her crib, we manage to pull ourselves away from her, and we return to the director's office.

She sits down at her desk and smiles, "I can already see that you two are quite interested in her."

Hisao nods to me and takes my hand, indicating that he wants us to move forward, and I answer.

"Yes, we want to adopt her." I feel a tear or two running down my face as I say these words but manage to hang on to my composure. I don't want to lose it here.

The director smiles warmly at us.

"That's wonderful. Congratulations."

She pulls a folder out of a desk drawer.

"Well, as you probably know, there's some more paperwork involved, and things will have to move through the agonizingly slow courts and other bureaucrats before you get custody of her. But hopefully, before too long, you'll be able to take her home."

She slides the folder over to us. It is surprisingly thick.

"Here's what you'll need to fill out. I can leave you two to complete it. It's…unfortunately quite a lot. And you've already answered many of these questions in your paperwork to even get to this point. But that's how it is, unfortunately. I will return in around 90 minutes, and then I'll make sure your forms get to the right place."

She smiles at both of us, and puts a hand on my shoulder, "Again, congratulations. I'm very happy for you both."

Once she leaves the room, I let the tears flow a little more freely. Hisao hugs me as I cry tears of joy into his chest. I feel a few of his tears dripping on top of my head. Unfortunately, we don't have as much time for this as I would like, since we have a mountain of paperwork. Hisao is thinking the same thing, because he lets me go and we both dry our tears and sit down. He goes to reach the folder, but then something causes him to hesitate.

"I think I know the answer to this, but I just want to make sure. You're going to be okay if we have a daughter who can't run, right?"

I'm a little offended at first, but I suppose I can see where he's coming from.

"Yes, Hisao. Just because I love to run doesn't mean we have to have a daughter who runs. Shoot, even if we did adopt a little girl without a condition that would make running difficult, there's no guarantee that she would want to run."

"That's what I figured, I just wanted to make sure." He smirks. "That means I won't have too much competition when I try to make her a chess-playing scientist."

I laugh and roll my eyes, "Yeah, good luck with that."

He smiles as he opens the folder and grabs a pen, "Well, hopefully this is the last paperwork we have to fill out for her. We'll have to hold this over her head someday to make her feel guilty."

I laugh, "We're going to be those kinds of parents, huh?"

"Maybe. I guess we'll see, won't we?"

[guthrum06]

Author's Note: Sexual Content

Part 1 (Emi)

It's been almost two months since we filled out the paperwork for our daughter. We just received word that the adoption has been approved and she will be coming to live with us next week. We're very excited, but also very stressed.

Luckily, after meeting her we did a lot of things to get the house ready. We baby proofed most of the house, we painted the bedroom, we got a crib and various other pieces of furniture she will need. But there's still some stuff that needs to be done before she comes so we've kind of been scrambling around for the last several days to make sure everything is ready for her.

My mom and Sho have been a big help. I guess there was some upside to my mother being obsessed with having a grandchild for so long. Now that she has one, she's doing everything she can to help, and she's definitely going to spoil her. She's going to be over a lot during these first few weeks and I'm thankful for that, even if she will undoubtedly get on my nerves. Luckily Hisao largely seems to be immune to getting annoyed with her.

Hisao's parents will also come visit at some point in the next few weeks to meet her, as will Chisato and Mitsuru. Rin has even said that she wants to stop by, which was honestly a little surprising. I can't remember the last time that she came to visit me, but I guess even Rin is excited about this. In her own way.

"Alright, I finished putting the changing table together. Is there anything else we want to knock out today?"

"We need to go to the store and stock up on baby things, but maybe that can wait until tomorrow." Hisao looks tired and I know I am. "Let's at least take a little break."

I lie down on the couch, take off my legs, and beckon him to join me. By this point, he knows that means I want him to lie down and hold me from behind. It's something we did on this very same couch on our first date, and it has always been one of my favorite things to do with him. It always soothes me.

He smiles and obliges to my request. I can't help but giggle when he pulls me as close to him as possible.

"We've only got a few more nights as a childless couple. Don't we have to stop having sex once we have a kid?"

I laugh. "Is that in one of our books about being parents? I know I certainly don't want to stop. But I would imagine we will have less energy for it."

He kisses my neck which feels amazing, "I don't want to stop either."

"I can see that. In fact, it seems like you want to start right now."

He kisses my neck, a little lower this time, and moves one of his arms so that it is right under my breasts. The combination makes me sigh softly.

"What makes you say that?"

"Oh, I dunno, where you're kissing me, where your arm is, and the beginnings of a very familiar bulge in your pants."

He kisses me now on my shoulder. "Hmm. That does seem to be some pretty good evidence."

I turn around to face him and reach down to feel the evidence in his pants. He sighs happily when I do.

I giggle. "I think it's safe to say that I've found some hard evidence." I give him a little squeeze. "I really love that you still get so excited by me."

He looks genuinely confused by my statement and brushes my hair out of my face and puts his hand on my cheek.

"Of course I do. You're the most attractive woman on the planet."

I blush and it makes him smile. The best part is that I know he really means it.

"I love that I can still make you blush like that."

I smile at him and begin rubbing him through his pants more firmly causing him to moan softly.

"It looks like you're the one blushing now, mister. You're even making lewd faces."

I start to undo his belt just as he goes to take off my shirt and our arms bump into eachother. We giggle about it, and I let him go first. He takes off my shirt and quickly does away with my bra, too. He starts running his hands all over me. It makes me forget what I was doing for a moment.

Eventually I remember, and I finish undoing his belt and then unbutton and unzip his pants. I slide my hand beneath both his pants and boxers and make contact with him directly. I wrap my hand around him and start stroking just as he pulls me towards him. He plants his face on my chest and starts kissing and licking my nipples. His hands start to wander towards my lower body, and he starts to slide my shorts off. I adjust my position so this is easier for him.

I take this opportunity to also remove his pants and shirt, and now we are lying together in nothing but our underwear, fondling one another in our most sensitive places.

There's always something oddly nostalgic and comforting about doing this with him. Probably because we didn't actually have sex until we had been together for quite a long time, so for awhile this is as far as we would go. It brings me back to those early days when we do this.

But still, now that I know the joy of making love with him, I can't just stop here, and I know he can't either. I get on my knees and slide off my panties, and he slides off of his boxers.

I climb into his lap and slowly lower myself onto him, with both of us panting in anticipation for the moment when he is fully inside of me. Once he is, we both gasp happily. I put my arms around his neck and kiss him as I move up and down on top of him.

He wraps his arms tightly around me, pressing our bodies together. Then he surprises me by standing up while he is still inside of me. He holds my body and begins moving me up and down with his arms, completely controlling the situation. I lose myself in it for several minutes, loving how it feels for him to move my body however he wants.

This goes on for a while, but I am broken out of my sex-crazed stupor by the sound of him starting to breathe heavily. We're both loving this, but he needs to stop. He's doing too much work. I have a hard time gathering my faculties enough to speak, but I manage to put my hand on his chest and say:

"S-siit…down…"

He comes out of his own stupor looking a little ashamed. Then he nods and we return to the couch. I lift up his arm and look at his smart watch. Checking his heart rate while we make love is something we're very used to at this point. His heart rate is right around 180 and we need it to go down, so we just softly kiss for awhile. Once he's back below 100, I start moving myself up and down on top of him again. He grips me tightly around the waist with his hands and I can tell he wants to do more, but then he realizes he should just let me take over given what just happened. I accelerate the speed of my actions and I clutch his face to my chest as I near climax. He kisses my nipples and tightly grips my butt, and that pushes me over the edge. My legs and stomach twitch with pleasure before my insides start to convulse with him inside of me. I moan his name. As my insides clench around him, I feel him reach completion too. He clutches me even more tightly and I feel him pulse inside of me several times as a warm feeling envelops my insides.

I stay on top of him for several more minutes. We continue to enjoy the sensation of being connected as we hold each other and softly kiss.

Eventually, I reluctantly climb off of him, and I go right back to laying on the couch the way I was when this all started, only naked this time. He gets the hint and sidles up behind me.

I reach back to put a hand on his cheek. "That was amazing as always."

"Yeah, it was." He grimaces slightly. "Sorry I messed up like that. I should have stopped on my own. I wasn't thinking."

"That's okay. As long as one of us can make our brain work in those moments, that's all we need. That's the first time you've overdone it for quite some time, so we are doing a pretty good job. But now that you also have a daughter who will be relying on you, we should be extra careful."

"You're right. I need to be more careful in general. I mean, I'm doing well overall, but our little girl certainly gives me some extra motivation."

He kisses the back of my head softly and hugs me tightly.

"We're going to be parents very soon. It's gonna be a challenge, but I know we can do it together, and it's gonna be great."

I turn around so I can kiss him. "I'm really glad we're doing this. I can't wait until she is here with us."

He smiles at me and strokes my hair. "Well, luckily we don't have to wait too much longer."

---

"Is everything ready?"

Hisao nods. "Yep, we are definitely ready for a baby. We've got everything we need. I even made sure we had lots of formula in bottles ready to go so she can have something to eat right when she gets here."

Our daughter is coming to live with us today. The social worker who conducted our interview is on her way now and should be here within an hour. I'm starting to get nervous. I'm very excited of course, but now that this is imminent, I'm a little worried about handling her health. What if we can't do this?

"W-we have her medications too, right? A-and lots of joint braces?"

Hisao walks up behind me and hugs me from behind. It makes me feel a little better.

"Yes, we have everything, I have checked a lot because I'm nervous too. Sho was able to get that stuff very easily and she even already has a pediatrician at the children's hospital in Sendai. She sees her in a few days, and we can call her tonight if there's any emergency. If we were really concerned I'm sure Sho would be here in a flash too."

It's funny that he was really worried about all of this ahead of time, but now that the moment is here, he's ready for it. Now I'm the one freaking out. I guess it's good we didn't freak out at the same time.

"You're right. I-I just wanna make sure we do the best job caring for her."

Hisao kisses the top of my head.

"We're going to do the best we can. And I think that's pretty damn good. We're going to love her so much and do whatever we can to give her the best life possible."

He sounds incredibly confident, which is helping me feel the same. I put my hand on his.

"Yeah, you're right. We've got this."

Before long, Ms. Yamaguchi arrives at our door holding our little girl. Ms. Yamaguchi has a huge smile on her face. I get the feeling that she wouldn't normally be the person doing this, but she liked us so much from our interview that she wanted to be here for this moment. But, maybe she just happens to have another interview in the area.

Our daughter has grown a lot in the time since we last saw her and seems much more aware of the world around her. She is holding her neck up on her own and looking around. She has more little tufts of dark hair on her head. In addition to the braces on her joints, she is also now wearing one on her torso for her scoliosis.

Once we get them in the door, Ms. Yamaguchi immediately hands her over to me. Hisao comes to my side as we observe our daughter together, both of us wearing huge smiles. I have the overwhelming feeling of love I felt when I met her. She's so beautiful. I want to do anything I can for her to make her happy. I want to protect her. She isn't always going to have it easy in life, but we'll do whatever we can to help. She's our daughter.

"I'm very happy I decided to bring her. Just seeing the smiles on your faces makes the drive worth it."

Well, that confirms my suspicion.

I blush a little. "Yes, we're really happy. Beyond happy, even. Thank you so much for everything. We wouldn't be having this moment without you."

She waves her hand dismissively, "I think anyone who interviewed you two would have done the same. Unfortunately, I have to go quite soon. Is there anything you need any help with? Or any questions you have?"

Hisao responds, "I think we are in good shape, actually. We have been nervous and over prepared as a result."

She smiles, "Great! Well, congratulations. I know she's in good hands."

Ms. Yamaguchi leaves and for the first time, we are alone in our house with our daughter. I start to feel a little anxious, especially because she starts crying the moment the social worker leaves. Luckily Hisao is a little more level-headed than me right now.

"I bet she's hungry. I will bring her a bottle. Why don't you sit down with her?"

I do as Hisao suggests, and before long he brings a bottle. She happily drinks from it when it is presented to her, gulping it down so quickly that I check the bottle to make sure it isn't leaking. She promptly falls asleep in my arms once she finishes.

Hisao laughs and whispers, "I know she doesn't actually have any of your genetic material, but seeing that, you could have fooled me."

I stifle a laugh. "Yeah, I guess eating really fast and dozing off means she fits in quite well with her mother. Should we move her to her crib?"

Hisao nods and we walk together to her room. I gently put her down in her crib. Hisao stands next to me with his arm around me as we look down at our little bundle of joy.

I whisper to her, "Welcome to your new home, Kayoko. We love you so much."

---

Hisao is out running some errands and I'm home with Kayoko and my mother. I am trying to take a nap while my mom is with her, but I'm just tossing and turning despite being exhausted. As is usually the case when a couple has a new baby, we haven't been sleeping a whole lot.

Caring for an infant is hard. Especially an infant who has chronic pain. To say she cries a lot would be an understatement, and it is heartbreaking to know that much of the time she's crying because she hurts. She wakes up crying 4 or 5 times every night. Luckily, she can take some anti-inflammatories now and they help, but I wish there was something more we could do.

I have some experience with chronic pain myself. My phantom limb pain was bad until my mid-20s. But I was old enough when it started to at least understand what was happening. Kayoko isn't so lucky. Hers will probably also last for her entire life. Not being able to do anything about that is tough.

Right now, she isn't annoyed by any of her braces, and she doesn't really try to take them off. As she gets older she will become more aware of them and probably start trying to get out of them. But I really don't need to be worrying about that right now.

I need to stop thinking about all these things if I'm ever going to get some sleep.

Part 2 (Hisao)

I just pulled up to our house after going to the supermarket. I quietly enter the house and see Meiko sitting on the couch with Kayoko on her knees. She is smiling down at her. Kayoko is sleepily looking right back with a small smile of her own. It's only been a few days, but Meiko has already proven to be am excellent grandmother. She's been here a lot and it has been a big help.

After I put everything away, I join them on the couch and tickle Kayoko's chest with my finger.

"Are we having a nice time with Grandma Meiko?"

Meiko winces slightly, "I'm still not used to being called grandma."

"I'm surprised you weren't prepared. Haven't you wanted us to have a child since the minute Emi ran into me on my first day working at Yamaku?"

She laughs, "Yes, I have wanted a grandchild for quite some time, but somehow I overlooked the fact that that would make me a grandmother. I know that doesn't make sense, but that's how it is. It just makes me sound so…old."

I'm not really sure how to respond to that. So I'm just going to move past it.

"Is Emi lying down?"

"Yes. The poor dear looked quite worn out."

"Yeah. We knew we wouldn't be getting good sleep, but knowing somehow doesn't prepare you for it. I guess it's kind of like your grandma thing." I try and fail to stifle a yawn.

"Why don't you go lay down too?"

"Are you sure?"

She looks down at a sleeping Kayoko and smiles, "Yes. I am happy to spend time with her. Plus, at the end of the day I get to go home and get a good night's sleep, unlike you."

"Okay. Thanks a lot Meiko. You might not be used to the word, but you're already an amazing grandmother."

She smiles at me, "Thank you. Now go sleep with your wife." Her eyes get their usual mischievous twinkle when she says such things. "I mean that literally, of course."

I leave the living room and enter our bedroom as quietly as I can. Emi looks like she's asleep, but she opens her eyes the minute I open the door.

"Did I wake you up?"

"No. I'm having a hard time sleeping even though I'm exhausted. I'm all antsy. I can't quite turn my brain off. Lots of racing thoughts."

I get into the bed with her and hold her from behind. This usually does a great job of putting her to sleep, even after her recurring nightmare. I hope I can help her.

"Yeah, I kinda know what you mean. We have a lot of responsibility now for that little person out there. Hard not to think about what exactly that means, and what it will mean as she gets older. But I think we're doing a really great job."

"Yep. I'm glad my mom's helping so much. Very nice of her to let you take a nap too. Plus, you holding me like that is already making me feel a lot better."

Success!

"Well, why don't we try to have a little nap? Your mom basically ordered me to."

I think I'll leave out the fact that her exact words were 'go sleep with your wife.'

"That's a good idea. Sleep well, Hisao. Love you."

"Love you too, Emi."

---

Kayoko has been with us for about a week now. She's going to meet my parents today, who are coming to visit for a few days. So far, Emi's mom and Sho have done most of the helping so I'm glad to give them a break. It's pretty nice that our family is helping us so much with this transition. All of them have wanted a grandchild for a while. After all, their children didn't end up with a kid until they were in their early 40s. Now that she's here, they're pretty desperate to spend time with her.

Emi is next to me on the couch holding Kayoko, who has drifted off to sleep in her mother's arms. It's a beautiful sight that I can't help smiling at. I put my arm around her, and she leans into me while holding the baby.

"You two looked really cozy. I was jealous."

"Oh? We can't have that. Daddy has to get snuggles too." She says this more to Kayoko than to me, I can tell from the cute voice she used.

"How are you feeling? I know you slept less than I did last night. You can go take a nap, you know."

For the first few nights, we always got up together to take care of Kayoko, but we realized that was kind of inefficient and made us both more exhausted than necessary. We figured it would be better if we split the workload a little bit. So now, each time she wakes up at night, we alternate who takes care of her. Last night, one of the times Emi got up lasted over an hour. She wasn't interested in going back to sleep. She was probably in pain, but she couldn't take any medication yet. Eventually Emi was able to give her medication and a bottle and that combination put her back to sleep.

"I'm okay. I'm gonna stay up, your parents will be her soon, won't they?"

"Well, yeah. But they would understand if you were taking a nap when they got here."

She responds with a hint of annoyance in her voice. "I know they would Hisao, but I'd like to see them meet their granddaughter for the first time."

She has been a little bit crankier than normal today, but that's what sleep deprivation will do to you.

"Oh. Yeah, good point. Try and take a little nap later, okay? Especially because we'll have extra help." She gives me an unconvincing nod.

About 20 minutes later, my parents knock on the door. Now I'm on the couch with a sleeping Kayoko, so Emi gets the door.

Emi hugs them both and greets them with hugs. "Welcome grandma and grandpa, I hope the drive wasn't too long."

My mother replies somewhat impatiently, "We would have driven a lot longer to see our granddaughter. Where is she?"

Emi laughs, "She's with her daddy in the living room. She's sleeping right now. Come on, let's go meet her."

Emi and both of my parents come into the living room, all wearing beautiful smiles. They stand still for a moment while they observe me. My mother seems to be particularly moved by the sight of me holding a baby, as she seems to be fighting off tears. After a few moments, my mother and father come and sit on either side of me, and Emi stands behind the couch directly behind me.

My father whispers, "We had seen the pictures of her of course, but she's even more beautiful in person."

"Do you want to hold her?"

My father laughs, "I do, but your mother might kill me if I hold the baby before she does."

I turn to my mother and she simply nods, confirming that she has to go first, so I turn to her and put Kayoko in her arms.

She whispers, "I-is there anything I need to be careful about?"

Emi replies, "Not really. Just keep holding her like that and there's really nothing to worry about."

My mother nods, and freezes in place. Apparently she interpreted that as meaning she shouldn't move a muscle.

"Mom, you don't have to stay in that exact position. She is a little more fragile than most babies for sure, but she isn't made of glass."

My mother gives me an embarrassed nod and relaxes herself, sitting more comfortably on the couch and smiling down at Kayoko. She says, "Hi Kaychan, I'm your grandma."

Of COURSE she's going to call her Kaychan.

My dad asks, "How are you two doing? The first week we had Hisao at home was kind of a nightmare."

I laugh, "It has been challenging for sure. We have learned to operate on less sleep." I take one of Emi's hands, which is resting on the couch, "But we're doing pretty well, all things considered."

Emi nods, "It's easy to give up sleep when she's this cute."

My father chuckles, "Yes, Hisao wasn't nearly as cute as she is. So, it was a lot harder."

Emi giggles and I roll my eyes at my father. She thinks my parents are so funny when they do things that annoy me. I can't complain too much though, because her mom annoys the hell out of her, and I think she's hilarious. So, things even out in the end.

My father gets up and sits next to my mother. "Can I have a turn, dear?"

At first my mother gives my father an annoyed look. Clearly, she doesn't feel she has had enough time with her granddaughter. Eventually, she reluctantly hands Kayoko over to him.

Not long after she changes hands, Kayoko wakes up and starts crying. My dad tries his best to soothe her by rocking her back and forth, but she'll have none of that. My mom has a smug look on her face and doesn't look interested in helping. He looks to me and Emi for help.

"Oh, I'm sure she's hungry. I'll go get a bottle for her."

Emi comes back in short order with a bottle, "Do you want to feed her grandpa?"

He nods and takes the bottle, and Kayoko happily drinks from it. My father looks very relieved.

"I'm glad she was just hungry and not crying because I was holding her. It's been a while since I've fed a baby. Is it just me or is she a really fast drinker?"

"Yes, she can be quite voracious sometimes. Our theory is that she takes after Emi somehow."

Both of my parents laugh, and Emi blushes a little. She's still a little embarrassed that my parents saw the true way she eats once.

Before long, Kayoko finishes her bottle. Emi hands my dad a towel and he deftly burps her.

"You're…better at this than I thought you would be, dad."

"What's that supposed to mean? It may have been a while, but I've burped you many times. It isn't something you forget."

My dad goes back to holding her and she starts to get drowsy.

"Do you two want to take a rest? We're here to help, after all."

"Mom, you two also just had a rather long drive to get here. You don't have to start helping right away."

My mother waves dismissively, "Nonsense. We are both filled with energy now that we're here with Kaychan. You two go rest."

I'm not one to turn down such a nice offer, but Emi looks uneasy at the prospect of leaving them alone with Kayoko. I wonder if she'd feel better if I stayed? My parents don't know all the ins and outs of this operation yet. Things are complicated enough that they sort of need an orientation.

"Do you want to go lie down, Emi? I'll stay out here and show them around."

She thinks about this for a moment, and eventually her fatigue gets the better of her.

"Yeah, I'll go rest." She gives me a quick kiss and then looks at my parents. "I'm really excited you two are here. I promise I'll be back soon."

My parents smile at her, "Take all the time you need, dear."

Part 3 (Emi)

Kayoko is crying, and it's my turn to take care of her since Hisao did it last time. I quickly grab my legs and put them on. I've had prosthetic legs for more than 30 years at this point so putting them on is pretty much second nature to me. Over the last month I've gotten even more efficient at doing it while I'm drowsy in the middle of the night.

As I start to wake up more, I realize her crying sounds different than it usually does. It sounds more strained, so I rush to her room, "Kayoko, sweetie? Mommy's coming."

When I get to her crib and look at her, I immediately identify what's wrong. She's crying like this because she's in a lot of pain. Her left arm below the elbow is at an odd angle and she isn't moving it. Her elbow isn't shaped how it should be. Instead of being round, the bottom part of her elbow is jutting out. This is a tell-tale sign that it's dislocated. The good news is there isn't any bruising or swelling yet, so it probably just happened.

Shit.

We have made it this far without any dislocations. I knew this would happen, especially as she is getting more and more active. I made sure to refresh myself as much as I could on fixing dislocations, especially in children. I even did a little workshop with Sho and some of his colleagues, so I know I can fix it. But this really sucks. Mostly because I know I am going to hurt her when I put it back in place. Causing my daughter pain is not something I want to be doing. Of course, she's already in pain from the dislocation. That makes it a little easier.

I'm going to wake up Hisao. I don't love doing it since he has work tomorrow, but I think I'm going to need moral support. He's not really going to mind, either because he's such a good dad and husband.

I go back to the bed and pat on Hisao's shoulder gently. He must only have been half asleep because he responds fairly quickly. Makes sense, even when it is his turn to get up and take care of Kayoko I know I'm not fully asleep. He gets a concerned look on his face when he sees me and hears Kayoko.

"...Everything okay?"

"Yeah, nothing really serious. But, um…she dislocated her elbow. I can fix it, but I could use your help."

Hisao quickly sits up and looks serious, "Okay, let's do this."

We go back to Kayoko, where the situation is the same.

"What do you need me to do?"

"I um…I don't know. I'm mostly really dreading doing this. It is going to hurt her, so I kind of just wanted you here with me."

He puts his hand on my back.

"Yeah, I know this sucks. But look at it this way, she has to get immunizations and stuff too, those hurt but they help her, right?"

I get what he's trying to do, but he's missing the point.

"Yeah…I guess. I'm not the one jabbing her with those needles though. I don't like doing something to her that I know is going to hurt like hell, even if it is what has to be done."

He nods, looking sort of defeated. "Yeah, I'm sorry. That does suck. I wouldn't like doing it either."

Him commiserating with me makes me feel a lot better than him trying to tell me it isn't a big deal.

I sigh, "But I have to do it. I will do it. She's already in pain right now anyway. Okay, can you get her and put her on her tummy on the changing table? I'll hold on to her arm while you move her."

Hisao nods with a serious look on his face. He picks her up and does as I instructed. The minute we get her in place, she already isn't happy about how we have positioned her. Hisao does his best to soothe her by lightly stroking her back and it is surprisingly effective. The man is good at soothing people, I know first hand.

I sigh and try to psych myself up, "Okay, here goes." I remove her elbow brace. Then, with her arm dangling off the changing table, I hold the back of her elbow in one hand and the end of her wrist in the other. I have to be careful not to also dislocate her wrist when I'm doing this. I slowly and gently guide her elbow back into the socket. The moment it goes back in place, Kayako lets out a pained cry that makes me wince and for a brief moment I feel like my heart is going to literally break. But it is over quickly. Right after that she stops crying. I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Okay, I got it."

I gently pick her up and hold her. Right now, she doesn't look like anything out of the ordinary has happened to her. She's even smiling at me. That's a relief. Maybe she understands more than I give her credit for? Can a four-month old really understand that I was helping her? Probably not. But telling myself she does makes me feel a little better.

"Can you go get an ice pack? We're going to need to ice it to help with swelling. She can also have her medication now, so that's good. We'll need to take her to the doctor tomorrow and get X-rays, and they'll probably need to give her a sling or immobilizer. Hopefully not. The poor girl already has to wear so many other things."

Hisao nods and comes back with her medication and ice wrapped in a towel. He gives her the medication while I hold her. Then, he puts the ice on her elbow and she doesn't seem to mind too much.

Hisao puts his arm around me and kisses my forehead, "That was really amazing. You did great. She did too."

I smile, "We did, didn't we?"

"If you want, you can get back into bed and I'll keep icing it for a while."

Now that the moment has passed, I do feel incredibly tired. I find it difficult to refuse his offer.

"Okay." I hand him Kayoko, and he sits down with her in the rocking chair with the ice on her elbow. They both seem very calm. I head back to bed.

I get back into bed feeling much better about everything. I feel surer than ever that we can do this together. I was dreading the first time she had a dislocation that I had to fix, but it wasn't quite as bad as I expected. She's a tough little baby.

[guthrum06]

Author's Note: Sexual Content

"You're sure you two are up for this?"

"Yes, dear, we are quite capable. You do remember Sho is a nurse who works with children, right?"

I sigh, "You're right. I'm just nervous about leaving her for the first time."

My mother hugs me, "I know it's hard. But you get to have a nice night with your husband, you deserve it."

"You're right. Thanks a lot mom."

My mother is at our place to pick up Kayoko, who is currently snoozing in her car seat which is sitting on the floor. For the first time in the three months since we adopted her, she isn't going to be staying the night in the same place as us.

Tonight is Aoki's event in the Paralympics, and Hisao and I decided to turn it into a little date night. We're going to get some take out and stay up late to watch it. We weren't planning on having my mom take Kayoko for the night, but as soon as she heard about our plans, she swooped in. I appreciate it, but it is hard letting her go.

"It's no problem." She picks up the car seat, and speaks to the sleeping Kayoko, "We're going to have a nice night at grandma's, aren't we?"

I bend down and kiss Kayoko on the head, "Have fun with Grandma. I love you."

"Okay. Call us if there are any problems, okay?"

"We will. You and Hisao have a good night together, okay? There won't be any baby in the house tonight. Just relax and enjoy each other." She winks at me.

I guess it's kind of nice my mom wants to make sure my sex life is doing okay in the aftermath of adopting Kayoko, but she doesn't have to be so creepy about it, does she? I could have done without the wink and the suggestive tone of voice.

"Yes mom, we will. Thank you for all your help. Drive safe on the way home!"

"I will sweetie. See you tomorrow."

I close the door and try to relax. Kayoko isn't here which should be relaxing, but I've gotten so used to her. I miss her already. But my mom and Sho will do a good job, and I do really think Hisao and I could really use a night together. My mom isn't wrong that our sex life has suffered some since our daughter came along, as we sort of predicted it would. We have a lot less time and a lot less energy to spend on one another now. It isn't like we're never intimate. I think as far as new parents go, our sex lives are actually pretty active. We fool around at least once a week, but we've only had actual sex three times in the last three months. And they were quickies, which is nice and all, but not how we normally like to do things. Kayoko being out of the house until tomorrow does give us an opportunity. I'm going to need to get some rest first though.

Let's see, it is a little after 3. Hisao probably won't be home until 6. I have time for a nap, then I can clean up a bit and take a bath. While I'm a little anxious about Kayoko not being here, I think knowing she isn't will probably also allow me to sleep a little more deeply than I have been lately.

I get in bed and my eyes start to feel heavy almost immediately.

…

"Hey sleepyhead."

"Mmn...?"

I wake up to Hisao's voice and the feeling of him holding me from behind. It is one of the best feelings in the world.

Oh. Hisao's home. Shit.

I roll over to face him and give him a bashful smile. "Hey, I meant to take a little nap…guess it wasn't so little, huh?"

He kisses me. "You probably needed it. When's the last time you napped for so long? I mean, how many times have you slept three hours straight in the last three months at all?"

"A handful of times probably." I yawn. "But…I wanted to take a bath and pick up a little before you got home."

"Well, I took the liberty of picking up before I got into bed with you, so you don't need to worry about that."

"Okay that's good. Now I'm trying to decide if I have the energy to bathe."

He laughs and brushes my messy hair out of my face and looks me in my eyes. "Well, as I've told you before, you look amazing even when disheveled, so if you were taking one on my account, you don't really need to."

Looking in his eyes I can see he really believes what he says, which after all this time still makes me blush.

"Hmmm. What time is it?"

"About 6:30."

"And when is Aoki's event?"

"Not until 10."

"Oh, good, then we have plenty of time."

I notice a subtle shift in his face that tells me he knows exactly what I mean, but he still playfully asks, "Time for what?"

I giggle and put my arms around him and whisper in his ear. "I really need you inside of me, Hisao."

He responds by wrapping his arms around me and holding me tightly against his body while we kiss passionately.

I was only sleeping in underwear and a shirt, and now I notice he is only wearing a shirt and his boxers, so we can immediately feel every bit of our bodies against each other. Before long he gets on top of me and takes off his shirt, before removing mine.

He kisses me and begins grinding himself against me causing me to moan softly. He is already entirely erect. Now, this part of him is confirming what his eyes and words told me earlier. Even when I've just gotten out of bed and I haven't bathed he wants me this desperately. He really does make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. And I love it.

As he continues to grind himself against me, I notice that he is no longer contained by his boxers. I let out a sound that is part giggle and part moan, causing him to pause.

"What was that about?"

I reach down and wrap my hand around him and start stroking softly. "This just popped out of your boxers. It reminded me of the first time you stayed the night with me. Remember?"

He smiles and gasps softly at my touch, "Of…course I do."

I put a hand on his cheek and look up at him while I continue to stroke him.

"I know I usually only get emotional after, but I was just thinking how happy I am that that night led to this wonderful life we have together. I'm your wife. We have a daughter. It's just…it's perfect. I love you, Hisao."

He smiles down at me while continuing to enjoy the pleasure I'm giving him. "I love you too, Emi. So much."

He kisses me and then reaches down to rub me through my panties, causing me to moan. Then, he reaches under them and rubs me softly for a few minutes before sliding one of his fingers inside of me and moving it around causing my loudest moan of the night. After doing this for a bit, he gets a grin on his face that is both lewd and mischievous.

"This is what you meant when you said you needed me inside of you, right?"

"Ahhn…this does…feel really…good. But you…know what I mean, you know I want this." I squeeze him for emphasis.

He laughs softly before removing his fingers and sliding off my panties and his boxers. "Okay, then that's what I will give you."

His words have me writhing in anticipation. He gets in a seated position and pulls me up off my back before lifting me slightly so that I am sitting in his lap. I wrap my legs around him and adjust my position so that I can slowly lower myself onto him as we both moan and sigh in anticipation.

Once he's all the way in, we tightly wrap our arms around each other and kiss passionately while I move my hips up and down and he thrusts his hips up. This is our favorite position. Making love while we can embrace each other completely and kiss at the same time is one of our favorite things, and it has been a long time since we did it last. Too long.

We continue like this for some time, never releasing one another from our arms or breaking our kiss. That is, until I start to get close enough that I can no longer keep my mouth on his because the pleasure is too great. When he notices this, he starts kissing my neck and collarbone and grabs hold of my hips. He moves me up and down much faster than I would ever be able to under my own power. I can also tell from the sounds he's making that he is close too. It's enough to push me over the edge. I squeeze him as tight as I can before letting out a series of rapid-fire moans that coincide with tremors that are traveling from my groin throughout the rest of my body. In the midst of my orgasm, he pulls me down hard, making himself go as deep inside me as possible before finishing inside of me while moaning my name. I moan his back in response, as his orgasm seems to spur mine on.

Then, we stay in position holding each other and kissing softly. It feels so nice to be this close to him. We then lie back down, and he holds me from behind.

After silently basking in the aftermath of our lovemaking for a while, Hisao says, "So, should grandma take Kayoko one night a week?"

I giggle. "We'll see how tonight goes at their house. But yes, tonight at our house is off to a very good start. I missed this. You know, having both the energy and time to really take it slow and cherish every minute of it."

He squeezes me in response, "Me too. I like cherishing this body of yours as much as I can."

I playfully elbow him, "I know I'm smokin' hot and amazing in bed, but that was not the kind of response I was looking for."

He laughs, "You know I'm not just in this for your body. I love taking it slow too. It feels much more intimate. And…it just feels better honestly. More like 'making love' than just ''having sex' I guess. That position really does feel like we've become one. More than any other."

"That's better." I laugh. "Hey, what time is it now?"

"A little after 8. We should probably order some food and make sure we can get the Paralympics stream going. I think there are supposed to be more track and field events we could watch to warm ourselves up."

"Okay, you take care of those things. I do think I'm going to take that bath now." I turn around and kiss him. "For some reason I'm all sweaty now."

He laughs, "Okay. I guess I will take a quick shower later." He grabs me and puts his hands on my lower back. "Or I could just come take a bath with you right now. Who needs food, right?"

I giggle, "That could be nice, but we would be cutting things very close, and I would never forgive you if I ended up missing Aoki at the Paralympics, no matter how incredible the sex is. I'm also starving after what we just did."

He playfully scoffs, "Fine, fine. Be practical and responsible. I see how it is." He kisses me and releases me from his grip with a smile. "Have a nice bath, okay? Take your time. I'll go take care of the rest."

…

When I get out of the bath, I see Hisao has ordered my favorite thing from our usual place and the Paralympics track and field events are on the TV.

"You got it working?"

"Yep. They are doing the 200-meter now. How was your bath?"

"Good. I feel very relaxed. Most relaxed I've felt in a while, really."

"Great. I got an update from Meiko and everything is going well there too. She had a good afternoon and they got Kayoko to bed with no problems."

I breathe a sigh of relief. While I did already feel relaxed, that was really the last thing that was weighing on my mind. Now that I know everything is going well, I feel even more relaxed. Of course, that's only going to last until a little before Aoki runs, but I'll take it.

Hisao gets up and hugs me, "I'm relieved too. It will be great if everything goes well with her staying the night there. Shall we eat and watch some sprints?"

I nod and we sit down on the couch with our food and watch TV. After I scarf down my food, I start to get a little envious watching athletes sprinting on blades at such a big, important event. I was always the fastest at Yamaku, but that's mostly just because I worked my ass off. I was always way too small to compete at this high of a level. But at least I have a former student who is there. I can live vicariously through him.

Hisao finishes eating and then scoots over to me and puts his arm around me. I lean into his chest.

"How are you feeling about Aoki's chances?"

"Pretty good. I know I'm going to get a little crazy when he's actually running, but I kind of feel like he already did something this amazing, so I'm not too anxious. And I won't be too disappointed if he doesn't get a medal. He does have a reasonable shot at it, though. His times have gotten even better since he graduated."

Hisao nods, "Yeah, it's amazing he's even there. Have you heard from him lately?"

Aoki hasn't really stayed in touch since he graduated. It hurt my feelings at first. I spent three years with the kid mentoring him and teaching him how to run. I thought we had really bonded. But he almost never initiates contact and doesn't usually respond if I do. Then I remembered how awful I was at keeping in contact with people at his age. It helped some. It still bothers me a little though.

"Not really. He sent me that nice text when we adopted Kayoko, but nothing since then. We've interacted with each other's posts on social media, but that hardly counts."

"Yeah, that does seem to happen when they graduate, doesn't it? I'm sure he still really appreciates everything you did for him and thinks about you a lot. It's kind of like how I didn't speak a word to Sho after I graduated even though I really appreciated everything he did. It took meeting him again 16 years later for me to actually tell him that."

I nod, "Yeah, at least he did tell me how much he appreciated me when he was still here, unlike you with Sho."

He scoffs at me. "Yeah, yeah. I should have told him, but I was a little distracted the last few months of the semester, okay? I was having surgery and then getting married right after graduation, not to mention moving to Tokyo and trying to get into a cram school. It was a crazy time."

I pat him on the shoulder, "I know, I'm just teasing you. I can't imagine the stress you were under during that time. But you're right. When we're that young we don't really stop and think about that sort of thing."

"This is the 600-meter final right? It's almost time."

I start to get butterflies in my stomach and feel the need to move.

I take a deep breath. "Okay. I can't sit anymore." I stand up and start walking back and forth in front of the TV.

Hisao laughs, "I figured as much. Let me know if you want to try and break my hand later."

I laugh and look at him bashfully, "I'm honestly less anxious about this than I was the qualifiers. I don't think I will squeeze as hard."

Aoki finishes in first in his first two heats, and it wasn't particularly dramatic. He has really improved his mechanics for getting upright, so he started out ahead and never was in danger of losing his position.

"Let's hope he keeps this up in the final. Maybe my hand will escape the night unscathed."

I playfully glare at Hisao. "You know if he doesn't medal now, it's your fault right?"

"Yes, I'm sure concern for my hand from thousands of miles away will have a big impact here."

I stick my tongue out at him.

"I um…will be needing your hand for this one."

Hisao gives me his hand. The runners are lining up. The gun is fired and I squeeze Hisao's hand. Aoki unfortunately looks a little more like his old self here, and doesn't reach full speed as quickly, so he is in the middle of the pack. I squeeze Hisao's hand tighter. It's the last 200 meters and he is still in sixth. I squeeze Hisao's hand tighter. Aoki unleashes everything he has left and has a burst of speed. He passes one runner. I squeeze Hisao's hand tighter. He passes another. I squeeze Hisao's hand tighter. He passes another. He's going to medal now if he can just hold on. He's gaining on the runner in front of him. Just as they reach the finish line, he manages to inch past him. I let go of Hisao's hand and barely notice that he is wincing and shaking it.

I stand there with a huge smile on my face, amazed to see the name "Aoki" on the TV in the second-place position with a tiny silver medal next to it.

Hisao is apparently surprised at how reserved I am and is looking back and forth from me to the TV with a confused look on his face.

"Emi? He's going to get the silver medal, right? Am I missing something?"

"No, you're right. He did it. He actually did it."

"THAT'S AMAZING!"

I turn to him and smile, "It really is. I'm so happy for him."

Hisao's face returns to one of confusion. "I'm…um, a little surprised that you aren't more emotional. It feels like I'm the more excited one right now."

Before I can respond, I'm distracted by the TV. After it is clear which three runners will be on the podium, the Japanese broadcast quickly interviews Aoki on the track.

"Congratulations on winning the silver medal today, how does it feel?"

He looks absolutely elated. He was never someone who smiled a lot, so I'm not sure I've ever seen him smile quite like he is right now.

"It feels…really amazing. I really want to thank my family, and my girlfriend for supporting me. But most of all I want to thank Ms. Ibarazaki, who taught me to run. I wouldn't be here…today without her."

His voice gets a little bit choked up at the end, and the moment it does I go from being completely stoic to bursting into tears. I didn't think he forgot me, but I didn't think he was going to say that.

I bury my face in Hisao's chest and cry happy tears while he holds me, "Yeah, okay. He's way better than I was at his age. It only took him like two years to thank you, so he beat me by 15. Plus, he did it on TV."

I laugh, "Yes, I sniffle guess he wasn't quite as selfish as young Hisao."

"He got your name wrong though, so he can't care that much, right?"

I pinch Hisao's arm prompting an "Ow!" out of him.

"This really is amazing, Emi. You did great with him."

I smile up at him, "Thanks. It makes me kind of miss it."

"Miss what? Track club?"

"Yeah."

He nods, "I'm sure it's hard giving that up for a while. You love it."

I smile, "I do. But I love Kayoko more, so it's okay."

Hisao furrows his brow for a moment. "You know, we can probably find a way to get you back to track club next trimester or something, now that we have gotten used to being parents."

"How?"

"Well, if we plan the schedules out for science club and track club so that the days we are there aren't the same, it would work. That way, on track club days I could come home from teaching and be here with Kayoko and then you could go."

"Are you sure? Won't you be tired after working all day?"

He scoffs, "Not any more tired than you are after being with Kayoko all day."

He's right. Here I was thinking very rigidly that I had to choose between Kayoko and my Yamaku duties for a while. Working my day-job isn't doable, but continuing to be the track club teacher is. Especially now that we've gotten used to things.

I give Hisao a squeeze and smile up at him. "That's a really good idea. I would like that a lot."

Hisao pats my head, "Good, let's plan on that then."

I look up at him, and he meets my eyes. "Hey, you know what I just realized?"

"What's that?"

"Without Kayoko here, we can actually run together in the morning." I giggle. "That might actually be better than the whole sex thing."

Since the day we adopted Kayoko, we have only run together a few times, and only then when my mother has been here to stay with her. When it's just the two of us, we have to run separately so someone can be at the house with her.

He laughs, "You're probably only partially kidding when you say that. But I agree, that will be really nice. I do miss watching you run."

I put my arms around his neck and pull him down for a kiss. "I bet you do."

[guthrum06]

Part 1 (Hisao)

It's Saki's anniversary. It has been 18 years since I lost her. We're in the car now, driving to the cemetery. I'm following Mitsuru and Chisato, and I have Emi and Kayoko in my car. Kayoko is cheerfully playing with a stuffed capybara in her car seat and humming a little tune. She always seems to be humming.

This is the first time she'll be coming with us to the grave. Up until now, we didn't really think she'd understand, so she usually stays with Meiko. But it became clear lately that she gets it. Over the last year she's been really interested in Saki. She sees her pictures and other things in our house. She asks about her, and we answer her questions. She talks about her sometimes like they are friends. She even knows her music. She knows she passed away and is starting to understand what that means. So, we figured it was time to take her with us.

"Mommy? Where are we going?"

"We're going to see Saki. You remember who that is, right?"

She nods confidently. "She's pretty and I like her music."

Emi smiles first at Kayoko and then at me, and she takes my free hand and gives it a squeeze. "Yes, both of those things are quite true."

I feel a few tears run down my face, and Kayoko notices.

"Daddy, are you sad?"

I am worried about Kayoko seeing me the way that I am at Saki's grave, since I usually become a sobbing mess once it's just me and Emi there. The plan is for her to go back with Mitsuru and Chisato so she doesn't have to see it, but apparently today I can't even hold back the waterworks before I get to the cemetery. That doesn't bode well. Hopefully I'll be able to keep from really crying about her until later.

"Yes, sweetie. I miss Saki. It makes me sad she isn't here. I'm glad you like her so much."

She nods, and has a very compassionate look on her face, especially for a five-year-old. I can tell she wants to help me somehow.

"Mommy, do you miss Saki?"

She must be wondering why she isn't crying too.

"I do. I didn't know her as well as your daddy, though. So, I don't get as sad." She squeezes my hand.

"And…she was married to daddy?"

This is the part she has the hardest time grasping. She seems to understand death, at least enough to know that Saki was once here and now she isn't, and that's sad for us. But the idea that I had a wife before her mother is utterly baffling to her, even though she has seen pictures. I think it's hard for her to imagine a world where mommy and daddy aren't together, since that's all she has ever known. Plus, the daddy in those pictures is much younger than the daddy she knows now. Emi knows I'm not in the best headspace to talk about this right now, so she does the talking.

"That's right."

Kayoko's cute little face scrunches up in confusion. Most of the time she can't even really think of a question to help clear things up for her, but today she has one.

"Where were you, mommy?"

"I wasn't there. I knew your daddy and Saki before they got married, but then I didn't see them for a long long time."

Kayoko nods, "...and then you married daddy after that long long time?"

Emi smiles proudly at her. It does sound like she understands it more than she usually does. She's at least starting to form a rough timeline in her head.

"Yep. That's right."

I park the car at the cemetery. Chisato, Mitsuru, and Daisuke are already out of the car waiting. So we get out too.

Emi helps Kayoko out of the car and then hands her her little cane. She dislocated her knee about two weeks ago and she has to use the cane to keep pressure off of it while it heals. She dutifully takes the cane and uses it exactly the way she's been taught to.

We always knew her condition was going to present challenges and make life hard for her, but she's an incredibly strong child. Dislocations do inevitably happen and she certainly feels pain, but her pain tolerance seems to be pretty damn high. After Emi got her knee back in place, we took her to the emergency room because knee dislocations can be especially problematic, and the doctor there was baffled by the fact that Kayoko was mostly just acting like a normal little girl despite what had happened. He said he'd never seen someone who had dislocated a knee that wasn't writhing in pain. When she was born, she must have been in excruciating pain from the dislocations she suffered during the birthing process. I wonder sometimes whether that somehow prepared her for it. After all, from the moment she was born, she was in pain.

Already at her age she's had to deal with using a cane, wearing a sling, wearing splints on her fingers, and of course wearing braces on her joints. She also has to do physical therapy all the time. She doesn't complain about any of it. She doesn't get upset about any of it. She just does it, like it's the most natural thing in the world. I suppose to some extent it is natural for her. This is how her life has always been. But I'm still impressed by her toughness and determination. It reminds me a lot of both women I love.

When we get her out of the car, Chisato asks, "Kayoko, do you want to bring some flowers to Saki?" Daisuke is already holding a bouquet.

"Yeah!" Kayoko's face lights up when she sees the flowers. She walks as fast as she can to Chisato and when she takes the small bouquet in her hand, she smells it and smiles down at it.

We take the usual walk to the grave. The two kids drop the flowers off as instructed. Then we all sit in front of the grave together. The two kids are a little antsy and whispering things to one another since they aren't used to this kind of quiet time. They probably don't even fully understand what we're doing. But they are behaving remarkably well over all for being 5 and 7. I can't help but think how wonderful it is that, in a way, Kayoko, Chisato, and Saki are all in the same place right now.

We're all tearing up, but not so much that Daisuke or Kayoko are concerned about the situation. Eventually, Chisato and Mitsuru get up to go.

"Kayoko, do you want to come back with us?"

Kayoko hesitates for a second and looks at her mother, "It's okay sweetie, we'll see you really soon. Go back with Auntie Chisato. You can play with Daisuke."

She nods and Emi helps her up. Before she leaves, she hugs me from behind.

"I'm sorry you're sad, daddy."

It takes everything I have to keep from starting to sob right this moment, but my concern for how scared she would be is enough for me to keep it in.

"Thank you, sweetie. Your hug is helping."

Then she smiles at me and goes off with Daisuke, seemingly without a care in the world.

Once they're gone, I let myself cry all the tears that I've been holding in since the drive. This is the most I've cried in quite some time. I think the effort of holding it in for Kayoko has caused a dam to break. Emi holds me and rocks me while a few tears run down her face.

I still miss Saki so much. I wish she was still here. I wish she could meet Kayoko. It isn't fair that she can't.

After what has to be at least ten minutes, I've cried myself out. As usual, I feel much better after I do. Emi realizes that I've recovered, and we stand up and start walking towards the car arm-in-arm. Emi looks concerned, probably because she hasn't seen me cry like that in quite some time. Probably not since before we started dating.

"...was having Kayoko with us too much?"

I shake my head, "No, I'm glad she came. It's really sweet that she's trying so hard to understand all of this. And that she wants to help me. It's important to me that she knows as much about Saki as she can, you know? I think I was just extra emotional because I wish Saki could meet her. She'd like her. She'd like her name. She'd like that she listens to her music..." I feel myself starting to get choked up again.

Emi squeezes my arm tightly and smiles softly at me, "It would be nice if they could meet, that's for sure. She'd probably think it's funny that Kayoko's more interested in music than she is in any of the science stuff you keep trying to push on her."

I'm thankful Emi's humor pulls me out of starting to cry again.

"Yeah, she'd definitely like that. I know Chisato does." We laugh together.

"Overall, Kayoko did really well, huh? Girl has a lot of empathy for a five-year-old and she really seems to be understanding things. I think we'll take her to my dad's grave next time too."

I smile down at Emi, "That's a good idea. Maybe you'll get a nice hug."

Emi softly laughs, "I better. She needs to treat her mother and father equally, after all."

Part 2 (Emi)

…I have to see if he's okay. Why won't they help him or say anything about him? When I realize I can't get out of the ambulance under my own power, I do the only thing I can, I scream for my father while tears stream down my face.

"Dad!"

As the ambulance starts to drive away, I start to hear a distant voice, but it is garbled. It slowly becomes more clear, and I start to make it out over my labored crying…

…

"Emi!?"

I open my eyes and feel my husband tightly holding me from behind. It's the middle of the night. Tears are running down my face.

I had the nightmare again. I've been having it less the older I've gotten, but this close to the anniversary it is unavoidable.

I put my hand on one of Hisao's, "I'm awake, thank you for helping."

He kisses the back of my head, "It stinks that you had that damn nightmare. It's probably been almost a year since you had it last. You were louder than you usually are. Was it worse than normal?"

Just as I'm about to respond, I notice there is someone else in the room with us. Kayoko is standing in the doorway. She looks completely horrified. I must have been loud enough this time to wake her up. Talk about a scary thing for a 9-year-old to hear in the middle of the night.

Hisao has noticed her too, and because he knows I'm upset, he takes charge of the situation. He gets out of bed and approaches her, "Hey sweetie, are you okay? Do you need anything?"

Her eyes shift to me, "W-what h-happened? Why was mom s-screaming? I was scared."

She knows about my father, and she knows I struggle with the grief I feel about him. But I've never told her about the nightmare. I couldn't bring myself to. I don't exactly want to tell my young daughter that recurring traumatic nightmares are even a thing. I guess I'm going to have to.

"I'm okay now, Kayoko. Can you come here? I'll explain."

Hisao looks at me with worried eyes. He's asking me if I'm sure I want to do this. I nod to him, and he nods back. It's amazing that we can have such a detailed conversation without a single word, but we've gotten pretty good at it. It's useful for when Kayoko is around.

I think she's old enough to know about this. She's very mature for her age and I don't really feel like lying to her. Especially because this might happen again at some point in the next week.

She hesitates but approaches the bed. I pull myself up and make her room for her to hop up and sit next to me. We both have our backs against the headboard. I put my arm around her.

"You know how I was in that car crash when I was little?"

She nod slowly, "The one where you lost grandpa?"

I so wish he was around to hear her call him grandpa.

"…yeah. Well, it's almost the anniversary of that crash. That's why we're going to his grave next week."

Now that I'm on the verge of telling her, I want to back out. I take a deep breath and summon as much courage as I can.

"I have bad nightmares when the anniversary gets close. Sometimes I get really loud in my sleep. That's what you heard. I'm really sorry, that must have been scary."

She gets a very worried look on her face and puts her arms around my waist and hugs me tight from the side for a while without saying anything, then she says "It was really scary. I thought you were hurt. But you didn't mean to scare me, so it's okay."

That's basically the 9-year-old version of what her father said to me the first time he was around for the nightmare, and I tried to apologize for waking him up. I smile and look at Hisao who is smiling proudly at her.

Hisao puts his hand on his back, "That's right, sweetie. Mom can't help it. Thank you for being so sweet to her about it." He checks the time. "Well, we should probably all try to get back to bed. There's school in the morning."

Kayoko doesn't really respond for a few seconds. She just keeps snuggling with me. Hisao looks at me asking for some back up, but I have a hard time wanting to send her back to bed right now. After about a minute she asks, "Will you have more nightmares?"

"Probably not. I'm okay, sweetie. If I do, your father is always a big help. You really should get back to sleep, we need you well-rested for school tomorrow, okay?"

She waits another 30 seconds before reluctantly releasing me and getting off the bed.

"Okay. I hope you sleep better, mom."

I smile. "Thank you, sweetie. You snuggling me was a big help."

"Do you want me to come help you get tucked in?"

Usually if she gets up in the middle of the night in pain, one of the only things that consistently puts her back to sleep is Hisao softly rubbing her back with his hand. I still don't know what it is about that man's touch, but it does seem to have some medicinal qualities for the both of us. I know for me it works far better than any sleeping pill. I'll be taking some of that medicine when he gets back in here.

Kayoko nods and the two head back to her room.

I start to tear up a bit now that she's gone. I wish she hadn't woken up to that. I probably should have told her about the nightmare sooner, but I wasn't sure she was ready. Although, just hearing about it still probably wouldn't have prepared her to hear her mother screaming at the top of her lungs in the middle of the night.

After about 20 minutes, Hisao comes back.

"Is she okay?"

He nods, "A little freaked out. And she wants to know more. But I told her she had to talk to you about it. Luckily, she fell asleep quickly."

I sigh, "I don't know how much more I really want to tell her."

He smiles, "Well, as understanding as that little girl is, I think if you told her that, she'd be okay with it, for a while at least."

"Yeah, you're probably right. Now come snuggle me and put me back to sleep please."

He gets close to me, puts his arms around me, and kisses the back of my head. "Gladly."

I start to get a little drowsy, but then a stray thought wakes me back up.

"Do you think she knows too much about this stuff for her age? Death…and loss, and grief I mean."

"Maybe. She certainly knows more than most kids her age just from seeing you and me deal with it. But…maybe that's a good thing?"

"How could that ever be a good thing, Hisao? A little girl shouldn't have to think about this stuff."

"Well, maybe. I guess I can see your point. But I guess I'm saying there might be a silver lining. Like with everyone, grief is going to unfortunately be part of her life one day. For me and you, we didn't know anything about it until someone was taken from us. It hit us out of nowhere and it broke us…for years. We couldn't put the pieces back together until we found each other. Maybe that won't be true for her. She's seen grief firsthand. Maybe she'll be able to handle it better because she has some experience to draw on. Heck, maybe it's why she is already so mature and understanding about this sort of thing."

"I have a hard time believing that it is good for her in the short-term. I wish she could just be a normal little girl who doesn't have to confront this kind of thing. But I guess you've convinced me that it might be good for her in the long run. That gives me some solace. It isn't like we can do anything about it now, anyway."

He squeezes me, "Yeah, that ship has sailed. But I really do think she's doing great. It isn't like she spends all her time thinking about this stuff."

"That's true. I guess I'm just worrying too much. Telling her about the nightmare was hard."

"...yeah, I know." He kisses the back of my head. "I really hate that you have to deal with that nightmare. Maybe more than I hate anything. I'm still impressed by how strong you are, you know. Tonight, you relived the worst moment of your life in graphic detail, then had to explain it to your daughter…that's tough. You're upset about it, sure, but you're just going to get up tomorrow and take care of your daughter, help kids at Yamaku, and put up with your annoying husband." He chuckles. "It's amazing. You're amazing."

Sometimes I do need to get some perspective. When he points out everything I do despite this nightmare, I have to admit it does sound impressive. It's easy to forget that. I turn around and put my arms around his neck and give him a long kiss.

"That was amazing too." He grabs my butt, "And so is this."

I giggle, "Okay, I get it. Everything about me is amazing. Including my body. I've always loved how into me you are and how that hasn't ever changed, even now that we're in our early 50s." I pinch his cheek, "But you need to behave right now." I yawn. "We don't have the time or energy for that kind of thing, however much we want to do it. So, save it for another time, okay?"

He reluctantly takes his hands back, "Yeah, I know. I was just trying to cheer you up."

"Oh, really? So, if I had responded by grabbing a certain something of yours you would've said, 'Not right now, Emi. We've got to get some sleep.'"

"Well, uh…"

"Yeah, I didn't think so." I stick my tongue out at him and roll over. "Now come snuggle me and don't be lewd about it." I giggle.

I'm teasing him about it, but him getting all handsy did do a good job of distracting me. Plus, it never fails to make me feel good about myself. Especially after he told me how amazing I am.

[guthrum06]

(Emi POV)

It's been one year since we lost you. I'm visiting your grave, as I do every week. Today, Kayoko is with me since it's the anniversary. We're in front of your grave, leaning against one another and weeping.

It really isn't fair that you were taken from us. You were active and healthy, and your doctors were very pleased with how things looked. But you always said that you could have another heart attack. That your heart was unpredictable. You died at 57 from a heart attack in your sleep. Couldn't you have been wrong about something just this once?

You asked me once whether or not I was sure I could be with someone who had a higher-than-normal chance of dying young. I told you that it was worth it to have you and love you as long as I could, no matter how long or short that ended up being. Now that I have lost you, I still think I made the right choice. All the time we had together was magical. It was perfect. Before you, I never believed a relationship could be anything like that. I thought it was the stuff of fairy tales and romantic comedies. I'm very happy we had a love like that, and it even keeps me happy now, especially because we have our daughter, who is a product of that love.

To be honest, I'm not doing nearly as bad as I thought I would. You're the first person I lost since my dad, so I was really worried I was going to completely break down, and not be able to work or care for Kayoko without you here with me. I was like that for about a week, but I came out of it. I still love my job and I cherish all the time I spend with Kayoko. We spend a lot of time with Chisato and Mitsuru, since they live here now. And overall, I would describe myself as happy. Not something I ever imagined I would be able to say if I lost you. I think all that time working through our grief together really made me better at dealing with this.

But that doesn't mean I don't still mourn you every single day. I wake up every morning missing you. Some mornings when I first wake up, I still expect to feel you holding me from behind. It was how I woke up every day for so long. You are a part of me. Part of my very soul. Things just…don't feel right, without you here beside me.

I can relate to you now more than I could before. Now, I really know how you felt when you lost Saki. I always thought I understood because I lost my dad. But I never could. Not fully. Not until I lost you. Losing a spouse is different.

I think I feel like you did when we first ran into each other again all those years ago and you were still having such a hard time. I find myself thinking many of the thoughts you shared with me when we were still just friends.

I can't ever imagine loving someone again.

I can't ever imagine having someone else in my bed.

I can't ever imagine having a new spouse.

It's amazing to me that eventually you overcame all those things and found space for me in your heart. Now, it means even more to me that you did. It makes me love you even more.

Even though you didn't have time to get a promise out of me like Saki did with you, I think you probably would want me to find love again 'after an appropriate mourning period.' But I can't even imagine ever feeling like that period is ever over. But then, I guess you couldn't either.

I don't normally believe in this kind of thing, but sometimes I like to imagine that you're with Saki now. That you've reunited after missing her and longing for her for the last 30 years. It gives me some comfort to think that way. Of course, if that is how it works, what happens when I die? Are we going to be a throuple? I guess that wouldn't be too bad. I just hope Saki doesn't still look like she did when she was 28. I don't think I can compete with that.

I'd be lying if I said that it doesn't pain me some that Kayoko lost her father during her childhood, just like I lost mine. But she's handling it better than I ever did. I think part of it is that she was always oddly prepared for grief, because she was so used to seeing ours. Most kids her age probably don't spend much time thinking about the fact that one day they'll experience grief. But she had to. That doesn't mean it isn't hard for her. She misses you just as much as I do.

I got her a necklace just like the one your parents got me during our first Christmas together. She wears it every day. I also had your name engraved on the back of my pendant.

Kayoko's as tough as ever, enduring everything her condition throws at her. Somehow, she's still a bubbly, happy girl despite having chronic pain and regularly needing to wear various orthotic devices and use all kinds of mobility aids if she's recently had an injury. We were worried about how hard it might be raising her. It really turned out much easier than we ever could have imagined, didn't it? She's so tough, and so wonderful.

I wish you could have had just one more year with us. If you did, you would have seen at least some of her first year at Yamaku. You were so excited for her to go there. You were excited to teach her.

She's really become a woman over the last year, and a beautiful one at that. Now, she's probably only a little shorter than you were. In other words, she towers over me. She has long, dark beautiful hair, fair skin, and piercing brown eyes. She is pretty popular with the Yamaku boys. I know you were kind of dreading the day she started dating. Unfortunately, I think we're almost there. She's already had a boy confess to her. But she turned him down. She doesn't seem interested in dating yet. Not sure how long that will last, but for now I'm thankful I don't have to deal with that.

She is having a hard time deciding what clubs to join because she likes and excels at so many things. I tell her it's a good problem to have. You did get her interested in science, so she's considering science club. But I think music is where her heart really is. She's always loved Saki's music, but she loves it even more now. She listens to it all the time. I guess she understands the intricacies of the music now or whatever. I still don't. As you know, her Aunt Chisato has been trying to get her into music since day one and she definitely succeeded. Once she came back to Yamaku as the music teacher a few years ago, it was pretty much a done deal. She hasn't officially made her decision yet, but I think she's going to be in the band. Saki would probably be happy about that. I think you would be too. She's probably going to perform at the festival next year, and you would have loved to see that. It just makes sense for her to be in band. After all, she wouldn't be the first girl named Kayoko to be in the Yamaku band.

"Mom?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Will you tell me how you and dad met?"

I smile at her. "Which time?"

She laughs softly, "Didn't you run into him and knock him over both times."

I laugh. "I sure did. Why do you want to hear it if you already know?"

She shrugs, "I like hearing about it. I like all the stories of you two falling in love. You can tell a few of those too, if you want."

I recount to her both times I met you. The first time when we were still in high school at Yamaku. The second time when we both worked there. I tell her about that day at the beach, our first date, how you proposed to me. She always thinks it's funny that it took us so long to realize we were in love with each other. Of course, it probably doesn't help that Chisato still brings it up every time we see her. Which is almost every day.

She smiles once I've completed the stories. "You two were so lovey-dovey, even in your 50s. It made me kind of sick when I had to see you two…all over each other all the time. Like, whose parents kiss and snuggle like that in front of them?" She makes an over-the-top 'grossed out' face.

I roll my eyes at her. "How very traumatic for you."

She laughs, "But now I like looking back on it. You two were so in love. I hope I find a love like that someday." She reaches out and squeezes my hand, "I'm sorry you lost that, mom…. I really miss him, too." We both start crying a little more intensely now.

I put my arm around her. "Your father was a wonderful man. He loved us so much and we loved him just as much. So, it's only natural that he would leave such a hole in our hearts. But you know what? I'm happy we had him for all the time we did. We have lots of wonderful memories with him that we'll always be able to cherish."

She looks up at me and sniffles. "What's your favorite memory of him?"

I blink a few times. She really put me on the spot. There are so many to choose from. "That's…a hard question. Give me a second…"

It was probably the first time we made love because of everything it meant. But I'm not going to tell her that. Maybe in 20 years or 30 years. There is a close second though.

"I think it was when we first met you at the orphanage. We both loved you the moment we saw you. The smile he had on his face when he first saw you was one of the most beautiful things I ever saw. And it's how he always smiled at you, so I got to see it a lot. He picked you up and I got on the other side of you and we just stood there sort of snuggling you. It was one of the most perfect moments in my life."

Kayoko sniffles, "That's really nice. I…wish I could remember…that day."

I rub her back with my hand. "That would be nice, but I'm sure you have lots of nice things you do remember. You put me on the spot. Now it's your turn. What's your favorite memory of your father?"

Her answer comes almost immediately.

"I was probably 7, I guess? I hurt my ankle the day before the Yamaku festival, and I was kind of down about it because I didn't think I would be able to do all the stuff I wanted to. But dad made sure we got a kid's wheelchair in time and pushed me around all night, helped me play the games I wanted to. We even caught a goldfish. Then he carried me up to the roof and held me for the fireworks. I forgot all about being hurt. I had j-just as m-much fun as I had the year b-before. M-maybe m-more..."

She cradles her head in her hands and starts bawling. I wrap my arms around her and rock her while tears fall down my own face. "Yes, I remember that night. He was such a good dad. He loved you so much, Kayoko. With memories like that, you'll always be able to feel how much he loved you. Even if he isn't with us anymore."

Once Kayoko is wiping away her tears, I resolve to get us out of the cemetery. I think you would feel like we spent enough time crying about you today.

"Why don't we go home? I'll make you and your dad's favorite meal, and then we can watch a movie or something."

She nods, and we get up and walk out of the cemetery together, arm in arm.

"Can we play chess instead of a movie?"

I sigh, "Yes, if that's what you want to do. Do you enjoy beating up on your old mother?"

"Hey, you beat me sometimes. I thought it would be nice to play today because dad loved it so much."

I chuckle, "Yes, that's true. You know, I only ever beat your father a handful of times over the course of what had to be 500 games. At least I beat you more often than that."

She smiles at me with a little competitive fire in her eyes, "Only a little more often. But yeah, that's why I had him teach me instead of you." She sticks her tongue out at me. I have no idea where she would have picked up such a rude gesture.

I poke her in the side playfully, "Now I'm not going to show you any mercy, little girl. You've asked for it."

She laughs, "Oh, I'm so scared, mom."

I'll be back next week, Hisao. I love you.

FIN

---

Author's Note: This story does mark the end of Learning to Run, but Kayoko's story continues in Yamaku: The Next Generation.

[Sharp-O]

I guess my title as the sentient typewriter is now yours, Guth, because you got this done in record time!

Not only is it wild that you did it so fast, not only is it wild that you wrote a sequel to someone else's story but IT IS WILD that it's good quality and emotionally resonant! Damn! Great work, Guth!

[hdkv]

I guess my title as the sentient typewriter is now yours, Guth, because you got this done in record time!

I have some spoilers for you: this story was done before forums opened registration, I finished reading it when it was like three chapters on forums

But I highly agree with the rest of your comment. This is very, very good story, and I'm glad I read it.

[guthrum06]

I guess my title as the sentient typewriter is now yours, Guth, because you got this done in record time!

Not only is it wild that you did it so fast, not only is it wild that you wrote a sequel to someone else's story but IT IS WILD that it's good quality and emotionally resonant! Damn! Great work, Guth!

I'm glad you enjoyed it! That's high praise coming from you, as you're a great writer. It makes my week that you thought it was good.

While "sentient typewriter" WOULD be an amazing title, as hdkv pointed out I didn't write this quite as quickly as it would seem. I wrote it in about two months back in June and July, but couldn't post here at the time so it was only on Fanfiction.net.

[Sharp-O]

While "sentient typewriter" WOULD be an amazing title, as hdkv pointed out I didn't write this quite as quickly as it would seem. I wrote it in about two months back in June and July, but couldn't post here at the time so it was only on Fanfiction.net.

That's still quite a clip for something of this quality. Good job!

[guthrum06]

While "sentient typewriter" WOULD be an amazing title, as hdkv pointed out I didn't write this quite as quickly as it would seem. I wrote it in about two months back in June and July, but couldn't post here at the time so it was only on Fanfiction.net.

That's still quite a clip for something of this quality. Good job!

Thanks!
I have definitely become addicted to writing since this story sprang to life in my head. It makes it easier to write a ton when you're an addict. My next story is ultimately going to be about five times longer than this!

[Mirage_GSM]

So... It stretches credulity a bit that Emi would still be affected this much after so much time, but setting that aside, Emis problem and Hisao's experiences with Saki do synergize nicely. Good job on realizing that and making it into a story!
I'm not sure if it was intentional, but 16 years after the events of the original game (and thus the fanfic this is based on) would be almost where we are today... It feels a bit unreal that it has been so long already...

This story feels a bit like a backwards Emi route: In the VN she fell in love with him first and opened up to him afterwards - here it was the other way around, and it was a lot less drama because of it.

You also seem to have put a lot of thought into when to change perspectives, since it's always the perfect place for it!

I'm a bit on the fence about whether it would have been better to include some outside perspective - a student or fellow teacher - but as it is the story, despite its length, is pretty streamlined, so it was probably the right choice not to do that.

All in all It's a story that's both well-written and... positive? (At least until the final chapter; that one was evil...) I can't really say "wholesome" because the sheer amount of H-scenes makes that adjective unfitting. The story would probably have been even better with a few less of those.

A few specific comments:

She infused some much-needed levity and humor into what would otherwise have been a very dry two hours.

Two hours is not nearly enough for a regular first aid course, much less for one that could prepare Yamaku faculty to deal with everything they might have to deal with...

Oh. Oh no. I think Chisato was right.

Best line! I laughed out loud.

Doesn't she need to be rubbing elbows with important people and stuff?"

Since nobody comments on this in-story I have to ask: Was this intentional?

There are also some fashion things that I can't do.

There are also some fashion things she COULD do that people with legs can't, but it makes sense that Emi wouldn't care about those...

I'm feeling well enough now to bring up our silly competition over Aoki, so that's something.

It's Hisao bringing that up, but the chapter is Emi PoV.

It's been about 9 months since our interview and a year since they approved us

Shouldn't the interview be before the approval?

Of COURSE she's going to call her Kaychan.

Minor nitpick: The "yo" of Kayoko is one syllable in Japanese, so if she shortens the name it would be either to "Kacchan" or to "Kayo-chan" - more likely the latter.

And finally SPaG:

She gestures towards where me I and Hisao are sitting.

Better yet: "Hisao and I"

We sit in the corner where me and Rin Rin and I used to eat lunch

and for the first time I have someone whom I can tell everything to. Whom I want to tell everything to.

...or you can just leave out the first one and use "someone" for the second.

Me and Emi Emi and I have been living together for several months.

I'll make your and your dad's favorite meal