Uncertainty (A Post Emi-Good Ending Story) [Act 1 Scene 5 - Chapter 1 Oct. 26th, 2024]

[ShizuneFan2019]

Hey there! Earlier I've promised to take a look at your story. But I was too busy completing the remainder of my work (finally done, by the way). Finally have a chance to sit down and enjoy the read.

As mentioned before, you put a great deal of effort into it. I like your story in general, and I'm looking forward to reading the rest of it. And, now that I'm heavily leaning towards writing a third part to my work (possibly centered around Emi), I can really learn from your writing and make some references to your work if applicable.

A couple of points about your dialogues:
1. I appreciate that you're using dialogues (quotes) without specifying who is talking (the trend which Sisterhood and I followed, which is great). Unlike Sisterhood and I, however, you often follow the dialogues with other text, which by itself is fine but the follow-up text is not always referring to the same subject. I find this a bit misleading, as I naturally assume that the quote and following text are from the same person.

E.g. "Already?" She nods. <= Took me a minute to figure out the "Already" is from Hisao, not his Mom.

2. (Following up the first point) About the quote "Hisao! Honey, wake up, Hisao's up!"
I assume this comes from Hisao's Mom, and the deliberate use of the proper name instead of the nickname is explained later as that she's being serious rather than casual. But for some time I thought the quote came from Dad due to not using the nickname (and also because what follows the quote was about Dad). I was about to comment to you about overlooking Mom's use of nickname; only when you explained the inconsistency several paragraphs later did I finally realize your point. (In Scene 2 Mom also didn't use the nickname one time; I'm still unsure whether it was an oversight or not.)

Since this quote came quite early in your story, I'd say first impression is very important. I would prefer addressing the inconsistency immediately after by, for example, adding something like "Why is she not using my nickname?", instead of explaining it several paragraphs after.

Updated: After reading through everything so far, here are a few comments.
1. The quality of your writing is, at least to me, on par with Sisterhood, which is excellent. I can certainly learn from you.

2. As for the plot, so far it's okay, but a couple of confusions:
a) I'm still a bit confused about the details of the car crash. Specifically, who was the culprit? From what you have described, the other car seems to have crashed in from the side (since Meiko wasn't hurt as much, and Emi saw the car coming). Then it means, assuming that Meiko was driving correctly, that the other car must be the culprit. But then why would the Satou family (Akira) discuss with Hisao in such a "kind of threatening" way, even to assign a lawyer to the court? I mean the car cams will reveal everything. There is little room for argument. But if Meiko was at fault, she must have already been facing lawsuit by now. So, either way it's confusing. Please enlighten me on this point. Or will it be explained later in the story?

b) Is it just me? But I can't get Akira's "In what ways isn't she active?". From the context (evil smile, cheeks warm up, hardly appropriate, etc.) it seems like she's talking about s**. But then 1) Akira's jump from Hisao's "Emi is very active in almost every way" to talking about s** is so far to the point that I'm almost sure Akira must have an extremely strong s** drive, even stronger than Shizune. 2) So, is Emi active in s**? If yes, then the above jump is even more awkward. If no, it is so out of character from her! Again, please enlighten me on this point.

3. As a Sisterhood fan, I love how you referred, intentionally or not, to Sisterhood in your writing. Hiroyuki, panic attack, etc. Absolutely love them.

4. I really enjoy how Hisao's character changes when he is attached to different girls. Compare Sisterhood-Hisao's reserved, caring, faithful (in long D) nature, Uncertainty-Hisao's playful, loose, stubborn, hiding things from Nurse character, and Precious Friendships-Hisao's hardworking, self-restraining, competitive personality. So interesting. And I think you've been interpreting him pretty well.

5. I've heard that doctors' handwriting are bad because the content is confidential and they don't want others to see what they're writing (including prescriptions).

Keep it up! Hope to see more work from your side!

[StealthyWolf]

Hey there! Earlier I've promised to take a look at your story. But I was too busy completing the remainder of my work (finally done, by the way). Finally have a chance to sit down and enjoy the read.

Congratulations on finishing! I still have yours on my read-list, though I've slowed down the amount I've been reading thanks to working and such. I will get to it one of these days though.

As mentioned before... (snip) ...I can really learn from your writing and make some references to your work if applicable.

I certainly wouldn't mind references and such if you can find a way to make them work Thanks for that kind words. I can't take all the credit for the work put into this story. My editor, Stiles, has put a great deal of effort into helping me improve my writing,

A couple of points about your dialogues:
1... (snip) ...Unlike Sisterhood and I, however, you often follow the dialogues with other text, which by itself is fine but the follow-up text is not always referring to the same subject. I find this a bit misleading, as I naturally assume that the quote and following text are from the same person.

E.g. "Already?" She nods. <= Took me a minute to figure out the "Already" is from Hisao, not his Mom.

I'm always working to improve my clarity in situations like this and will keep an eye out for instances like that one in the future.

2. (Following up the first point) About the quote... (snip) ...later did I finally realize your point. (In Scene 2 Mom also didn't use the nickname one time; I'm still unsure whether it was an oversight or not.)

This is a deliberate thing. Again, I'm sure I could've added further clarity to who was speaking here a little earlier.

Since this quote came quite early in your story, I'd say first impression is very important. I would prefer addressing the inconsistency immediately after by, for example, adding something like "Why is she not using my nickname?", instead of explaining it several paragraphs after.

This is something I've been trying to work on as well. I'm writing from he perspective of Hisao so sometimes I'll write things that would make sense for him, but not quite so much for the reader. There's a balance to be struck for things making sense coming from a 1st person character, and having what's on page make sense for the reader as well.

Updated: After reading through everything so far, here are a few comments.
1. The quality of your writing is, at least to me, on par with Sisterhood, which is excellent. I can certainly learn from you.

That's quite the compliment! Thanks!

2. As for the plot, so far it's okay, but a couple of confusions:
a) I'm still a bit confused about the details of the car crash. Specifically, who was the culprit? From what you have described, the other car seems to have crashed in from the side (since Meiko wasn't hurt as much, and Emi saw the car coming). Then it means, assuming that Meiko was driving correctly, that the other car must be the culprit. But then why would the Satou family (Akira) discuss with Hisao in such a "kind of threatening" way, even to assign a lawyer to the court? I mean the car cams will reveal everything. There is little room for argument. But if Meiko was at fault, she must have already been facing lawsuit by now. So, either way it's confusing. Please enlighten me on this point. Or will it be explained later in the story?

So basically the breakdown of what happened is the Meiko was legally and safely coming out of a blind turn, and the Satou employee crashes into the side of her car. The explicit details of the crash are unclear, but Akira is basically saying that they (the company) believe that this is truly an accident, not the fault of the company, driver, or any safety measure they have in place. Quite simply an unfortunate scenario. However the company wants to ensure that they are legally "safe and sound" and protected from any potential costly lawsuit, so they discouraged the head of company (Akira/Lilly's father) from direct confrontation/acknowledgement of the events until they had a bullet-proof defense in case the victims (Meiko, Emi, Hisao). Akira and her father disagreed with this course of action and sought to immediately help everyone involved in the crash recover seeing as it truly was an accident, one that they just so happened to be closely related to.

b) Is it just me? But I can't get Akira's "In what ways isn't she active?". From the context (evil smile, cheeks warm up, hardly appropriate, etc.) it seems like she's talking about s**. But then 1) Akira's jump from Hisao's "Emi is very active in almost every way" to talking about s** is so far to the point that I'm almost sure Akira must have an extremely strong s** drive, even stronger than Shizune. 2) So, is Emi active in s**? If yes, then the above jump is even more awkward. If no, it is so out of character from her! Again, please enlighten me on this point.

This is certainly my own characterization of Akira coming in to play. She's trying to pull back on the serious vibe that the conversation and visit have had while having some fun, and she loves to tease. She knows that theses are hormonal teenagers she's working with abnd even after this brief meeting thinks Hisao would be easy to make squirm. As a bonus, she knows such explicit discussions always throw Lilly off (especially with who's essentially a stranger), so that's even more fun for her to have.

3. As a Sisterhood fan, I love how you referred, intentionally or not, to Sisterhood in your writing. Hiroyuki, panic attack, etc. Absolutely love them.

Yeah, I've definitely taken inspiration from a lot of sources (sisterhood definitely being one of them), though I do have my own spins on the situations.

4. I really enjoy how Hisao's character changes... (snip) ...And I think you've been interpreting him pretty well.

I've probably mentioned it on the forums before, but if not I've always seen the Hisao from every main game route as the same Hisao that just grew in different ways as a result of his surroundings. After his heart attack Hisao is basically put in a situation where he is in flux. He's rediscovering himself. I'd imagine this car crash would do that again to him, but to a smaller degree. Perhaps even amplify aspects of him that were shining through in Emi's route...

5. I've heard that doctors' handwriting are bad because the content is confidential and they don't want others to see what they're writing (including prescriptions).

Huh, I haven't heard that one but it's an interesting thought.

Keep it up! Hope to see more work from your side!

Thanks, and I hope my future Scenes provide plenty to chew on! Speaking of...

[StealthyWolf]

Sorry for the long break, there's a lot to work on in these scenes and I don't want to rush it. As is usual there will be 2 back to back posts. Probably should just expect that for the time being. As always, huge thanks to Stiles for the immense amount of time you've put into this project alongside me. Thanks to you as well for reading and I'll leave the rest of the comments for afterwards!

---

Scene 3: Miscommunications

My parents mustn’t have been in my room since I left months ago: the air inside is musty and stale, and everything is exactly where I left it. The only difference is that now everything is covered in a fine layer of dust.

With nothing better to do - I’d driven all my friends away by then - I had obsessively cleaned most of the room while waiting for the move to Yamaku after being discharged from the hospital. The only things I left messy were my desk and top drawer.

Even at ‘the end of the world’ I still hadn’t dared touch my desk. Apart from the small space reserved for homework, its surface is hidden by a mess of old projects, abandoned hobbies, and - if I’m being brutally honest with myself - other miscellaneous junk. That’s without even mentioning the unreturned pile of manga and anime discs nearby that were the result of Shin’s latest and last attempt to get me into the stuff. A doomed venture, it turns out.

As for the drawer, it’s half-open with the sleeve of an unfolded uniform shirt - the old one, from BY (before Yamaku) - hanging out. Before leaving for Yamaku, I had been holding it, willing that version of me to come back, which of course didn’t work. We were already late for leaving and I hadn’t had any time to refold it when my parents called me down. I just tossed the shirt in and slammed the drawer shut without looking. It’s only fitting that the last thing I did here was out of an act of frustration.

Sighing, I drop my bag and flop into the chair. I then run my hands through my hair as I recall the bombshell Dad dropped on me.

Shin and Mai know I’m here, today, which means Takumi knows for sure… and maybe even Iwanako knows. Dad mentioned he told them - Shin and Mai - I’d probably be tired from traveling today; he thinks they probably won’t bother me today as a result. I give it a 50/50 chance personally.

Scratch that. 70/30 - in favor of them coming.

If it weren’t for everything that happened at the hospital I’d guarantee they’d be here within the hour, but I don’t know where we stand anymore. I haven’t talked to any of them in months and towards the end, our conversations boiled down to ‘Hey Hisao, not dead today either? Cool. Well, we hope we’re still your friends and we’re here to show you that. Still not talking? Makes sense. See you later!’ Until eventually ‘see you later’ turned into ‘goodbye’. Sorry about that, guys. Guess I’m sorry about a lot of things right now.

I had hoped to approach the situation on my terms but I guess I'll have to take things as they come. I need to stop guessing about things.

In the meantime I need to make this room mine again. First, I remove the army of medication bottles from my bag and set them out on the clear space on my desk. Same order as in my room at Yamaku; best not to fix something that isn’t broken.

Then it strikes me that I followed the statement ‘make this room mine again’ by immediately unpacking my meds. I mean, it is a major part of my daily life now. Still, I can’t help but resent that that’s where I automatically went. I’ll try to put a positive spin on it: it’s a good habit to have and should help me remember to keep up on them.

Speaking of my desk, I should probably take the time to clear it off. It’s complete chaos. Technically I never dropped any of these projects officially, as I always meant to come back to them. I mean, sure it’s been over a year since I tried drawing anything, two and a half since I tried creative writing, six since I messed with those music sheets and last touched a guitar, eight or nine since I opened that dusty marine biology book, five since… Okay, enough of this. Unpacking now, mess of a desk later.

Second, I clear my top drawer of the old clothes I didn’t wear often and fill it with my current wardrobe. For the time being I stuff the old clothing into the lower drawers. I should probably do something about all those old outfits, but that’s a problem for future me. Still, I take the time to fold my old uniform properly and put it away, trying not to think too much about the divergence from that life to the one I have now.

Third, I…

Turning around reveals I’ve done all the hard work already so I sit down on the bed. Pretty sure all that’s left are a few books I grabbed from the school library before leaving - they won't be due until well after summer break ends - and a few textbooks. I’m not worried about letting Mutou and the science club down but if I don't stay on top of my other subjects, it'll hurt my chances at college. English will be an especially sore spot, ugh…

Three books won’t last me very long so I’ll definitely have to make a trip to the local library at some point. I've been going there ever since I was a kid, both with and without my friends from BY. If I pace myself just right I can consider it to be that day’s walk, so maybe I’ll try and do that tomorrow.

A bitter thought crosses my mind. Is this really all that my life amounts to right now? Clothes, a couple books, and an ever-changing collection of pills? Outside of running and reading do I even have any hobbies anymore? A social life? Ambitions? I can’t even remember what I wanted to do before-

My phone buzzes: a message from Mom. I take a deep breath, push away the previous thoughts, and open my phone gratefully.

Mom: ‘Forgot to mention before we left but there
is food in the refrigerator Hicchan! Sorry
we couldn’t stay in tonight!’

Me:‘thanks mom. ill grab some later.’
Me:‘and i told you its fine, im used to you and
dad working. ill be fine on my own.’

Mom: ‘We will make it up to you this weekend!
Love you!’

Me:‘ill clear my calendar. love you too mom.’

After responding, I scroll through the short list of contacts until familiar names I haven’t texted in months pop up.

Despite everything that’s happened, Mai and Shin know I’m here - and I know they know I’m here. I should reach out to them first. I open my inbox and look through some of the conversations I had with Mai. The last text she sent me was from the day I landed in the hospital.

Mai: ‘tell me how it goes. i want to know EVERYTHING!’

Followed by my response,

Me: ‘probably a sick prank. cool if I swing by
moris later? i could use a mais ramen
special right about now.’
Me: ‘you really need a better naming scheme’

She never messaged back.

Thinking back on it, she probably knew exactly who left me the letter. She and Iwanako were already starting to get closer before my attack, which I found a little strange since she and Iwanako couldn’t be more different.

Okay, that’s an exaggeration. But still, Iwanako is more along the lines of the typical “popular girl” type while Mai is definitely on the more rebellious side with the attitude and grades to match. She’d be damn near top of the class if she put the effort into school that she does everything else in her life, but she’s fine with coasting by in the middle of the pack. I wonder if she’s still running her parents’ ramen shop.

Time to get it over with.

Me: ‘Hey Mai. It's Hisao. I'm back in town for a
couple weeks, Dad mentioned he talked
to you and Shin yesterday.’

After spending some time double and triple checking for any bad grammar, typos, and missing punctuation, I stop procrastinating and press send. A moment later I start typing, ‘just thought id let you kno-’ then I erase the message and close my phone. Only to immediately pick it back up.

‘if you want to talk then-’

Erased.

‘id like to talk if you wa-’

Erased.

‘we should talk after-’

Erased.

Damn it all, why is this so hard? Above everyone else in my life, Mai’s always been the easiest person to talk to. Shin and I may technically have known each other a year longer and by all means he was… is? one of my closest friends, but Mai and I were always best friends. I’ve never had to think when I talked to her and yet here I am, at a loss for words.

Gah! I run my hands through my hair again, leaving it a mess - or uhh, more of a mess - shake my head, and when I stop the world keeps spinning. Closing my eyes seems to help the moment pass. I keep forgetting about the concussion. Maybe that’s why they call it a minor concussion. Or wait… Uhh… Never mind. Head hurts too much to think right now. Now that the world’s not spinning, I close the phone and set it to the side.

The first message is sent. That’s something.

Is it enough though? I guess- I mean after everything that went down in the hospital I- well… I don’t know. How do I start? I treated every last one of them like shit and then transferred to a new school without saying goodbye. That last part may not have been in my control, but not calling them was.

One thing’s for sure: thinking about it is getting me nowhere.

Then it occurs to me that I haven't called Emi yet, which would be the perfect distraction. I told her I'd call when I got home too so I punch her number in. I should probably set up a speed-dial for her at this point, but before this week we never called too often. It takes three rings before she answers, which is unusual since she usually picks up almost instantly.

“You’re late, Hisao. The ride should’ve ended almost an hour and a half ago by now!” It's a relief to hear her voice, though the tone is a little harsh.. It’s only been half a day since I talked to her - since I saw her, but it feels like it’s been so much longer and I can’t help but smile.

“Yeah, sorry about that. We left Yamaku a little late and then I got sidetracked after getting here.”

“So how’d it go?”

“It was fine. Mom and Dad had to leave for work pretty soon after we got here though. So I’ve just been unpacking.”

“Unpacking kept you that distracted? That’s pretty mean, Hisao!” If she was waiting that long for my call, why’d it take so long for her to pick up?

“Well, my dad also dropped a bomb on me.”

“Oh? Deets!” Is she forcing herself to sound cheerful?

It gives me the sinking feeling that she’s doing it again: latching onto my problems as a way of keeping control of the conversation. I could be mistaken because it’s a phone call, but I start to worry regardless.

Historically it's meant that something was wrong with her, but not talking about things just makes them worse. I start to pry, she gets more defensive, and then we both get angry and upset. In other words: she’s putting on that damned mask again.

A vicious cycle…

“Hello?” Emi interrupts my thoughts. “You were telling me something exciting!”

I banish the thought from my mind. “Right, sorry. Dad told a couple of my old friends I’d be back in town starting today.”

“That's… bad?”

“Last time I saw them I was in a hospital bed and barely even talked to them. Three months later I transferred to Yamaku without a word and haven’t seen or reached out to them since .”

“Yeah, sounds like you were a jerk to them.” Understatement of the year.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“Well it’s true! And you were pretty depressing to be around when you first came here too.”

“I know, I know…” I won’t say it out loud lest she let it go to her head, but I feel like I could do with some of Emi's famous bluntness on the topic. “I just don’t know how to bring it up with them. There’s just so much that happened and it feels like we’re too far apart now.”

“Have you reached out yet?”

“Mhm. I sent Mai a text right before calling you.”

“Mai? You mentioned that name earlier.”

I lean forward, rubbing the back of my head. I guess I’ve never really told Emi about them. Sunday barely counts because I talked about them for all of a minute, and it was mostly about the situation and less about them in specific. Maybe that’s why she’s being so dodgy: I haven’t really been that open about my past, but I basically forced her to tell me about hers. “She’s one of them- my friends, I mean. I’ve known her and Shin since primary school, Takuya since the start of junior high.”

I can almost see her pout from the mock anger in her voice. “So I wasn’t even the first girl you thought of when you got home? That hurts, you meanie!”

“You haven’t left my thoughts since I got off campus!”

“Hmph! Fine. I forgive you… maybe.”

“Thanks.”

“Well, has she messaged back yet?”

I pull the phone away from my ear and check. “Nope. Maybe it’s just as hard for her as it is for me. Or maybe they don’t want anything to do with me anymore.”

“Hey! No time for that. If she doesn’t get back to you it’s her loss!” Do I sense a defensive edge there? Does she think Mai is a romantic rival?

“We were never like that, Emi, don’t worry-”

“I’m not.”

I’m not sure she’s convinced quite yet, which is fair: the first person from my past I really tell her about is a girl I’ve known for years - a childhood friend, at that - so what else is she supposed to assume? It’s a common trope, the childhood friend to lover thing, but I’m absolutely sure that’d never happen here. Now I just gotta convince Emi.

“Good, because she and Shin were basically dating even before I left. The two bickered like a married couple every time they were in the same room.” Weak excuse. My B.Y. friends and I joked about it all the time, but I didn’t think that’s really where their relationship is heading.

“You sure they don’t just annoy each other, like Lilly and Shizune?”

“If you saw it you’d know just how different it is. Shizune and Lilly treat their disagreements like a competition. Shin and Mai… well… it’s hard to explain. The tension is entirely different though.” Not a lie either. It is - was - so hard to tell with those two sometimes.

“So it’s more like the kid who pulls his crush’s hair?” Emi says it so casually I almost agree before I realize how little sense that makes.

“What?”

“You know, like how boys sometimes pull a girl's hair when they are young because they have a crush on her.”

“I’ve never heard of that.”

“Really? It seems like a really common thing.”

“Did it happen to you?”

“Yep. I punched him.” Why does it not surprise me that Emi was a confrontational kid?

“Ouch.”

“Yep. He stopped pulling my hair after that.”

“He missed out.”

“Don’t get any ideas, Hisao! That’s something we don’t need to test.”

That’s not at all what I meant! How did her mind get there? I haven’t even thought about our experiments and, well, sex in general since before the crash.

I laugh and let it slide. “So how you holding up?”

“You’ve only been gone for less than a day. I’m doing great!”

“Now who’s the jerk?”

Emi laughs and I smile. It's a beautiful sound and I realize that I only ever grew to really appreciate it after I came to learn what her fake laugh sounded like. I say fake, but it’s more so just not her genuine laugh.

She still has a good time and does enjoy whatever happens to make her laugh, but it was always at a safe distance. Maybe whatever I sensed earlier was just a fluke after all. Still… “Really though Hisao, I’m fine. I actually was able to lift my left leg a little today without any pain. Nurse said this is a great sign.”

She wasn’t hiding anything with that comment or trying to deflect it onto another topic from what I could tell, and that was her genuine laugh just now, so why do I still feel uneasy? “That’s amazing! Knowing you, you’ll be on two legs again quicker than they ever expected.”

“That’s what he was saying. I hope you two are right.”

“We are. Absolutely. You’d be telling us the same thing if it was me in the chair instead.” It could have been talking about her leg that’s caused this uncomfortable atmosphere, but it just doesn’t feel like that’s the case. She gave in too quickly to talking about it, and that impossible-to-place edge in her voice hasn’t gone away.

“Oh! Lilly called me earlier!”

Oof. I guess we're done talking about her recovery. Still, it's probably for the best: I called to have a happy conversation, not a heavy one and I know Emi hates talking about her injuries. “Oh really? She’s not actually gonna try running is she?”

“HAHA! Sadly… nope, but she invited me to her room for tea this weekend.”

“Yeah, that sounds more like her.” I lean back in the chair and absent-mindedly kick myself into a slow spin.

“I hope there’s cake.”

“So you’re going?”

“Why not? It’ll get me out of the house and it sounds like it might be fun. And I told her I’d be willing to hang out after all. Besides, I might get to see what Rin’s been up to while I’m there.” I feel a twinge of guilt when I realize I haven’t even thought of Rin since the crash.

“She’s still at school?”

“Probably, unless she went home.”

“Aren’t you like- her best friend?”

“Rin is a free spirit!” In other words, she has no clue what Rin’s been up to these past few weeks. Not that I’m doing any better: I was at Yamaku for several days and I didn't check up on her, though I consider myself her friend.

Thinking back on it, I remember her having an oddly determined look on her face after Emi and I said goodbye before leaving for our hike. Wonder what that was about.

“Fair point. You’ll have to tell me how that goes.” My head starts to hurt, so I stop spinning in the chair and realize that I’m a lot dizzier than I should be. I close my eyes and rub my forehead to ease the annoying pang. “I never thought you and Lilly would be compatible.”

“We’re not going on a date, Hisao.”

“I meant as friends.”

“Why not? I’m super friendly!”

“You are a ball of pure energy and Lilly is calm, composed, proper, elegant, and tends to take things slowly.”

“That sounds like an insult. Are you being mean again?”

“No, I’m just saying you two are like polar opposites.” That’s not completely true; Hanako probably fits that description better, or maybe Yuuko. Still, I’ve never seen them interact with one another voluntarily and yet here they are, planning a tea party or something.

In fact, before this week the majority of the times I’ve seen the two interact was when Lilly was scolding her for running in the halls again - something I could see Shizune and Lilly actually teaming up for.

The image puts a smile on my face as I say, “You’ll also have to be patient with Lilly, which I know will be a challenge for you.”

“I can be super patient too!”

“From what I've heard, Lilly likes to mother people and she worries about everyone, so bear with her on that front.”

“I’m missing my legs, not my eyes, Hisao. I’ve known Lilly a lot longer than you.”

“So why aren’t you and her already best friends?”

“We’ve just never… you know… stoppedtotalktoeachother.”

“And that would be because…”

“Oh shut it. Jerk. I can be friends with whoever I want.”

“I never said you couldn’t?”

“Exactly!”

“Okay?”

“Yep.”

The absurdity of the exchange boils to the surface, and we both start laughing.

Clink.

“Huh?” I turn towards the window. Outside, it’s dark and it suddenly strikes me that we’ve been on the phone for quite some time.

“What is it?”

“Something just…” Another clink. This time I see what looks like a little pebble bounce off my window. “Ahh. I see now.” I stand up and something about the sitting position I was in just then was not kind to my chest. I groan in pain as I stretch it back out.

“I don’t.” What was that about being super patient?

“I think I have visitors.”

“Oh?”

I walk over to the window and look outside. My room is on the second floor and looking out, I can see two figures standing in the middle of the narrow laneway. The light is fading quickly but I recognize them immediately..

One of the figures is Mai. At first glance, she looks like she hasn't changed a bit. You'd be forgiven for guessing her favorite color was black; her whole outfit is dark, from her trademark, one-size-too-big jacket to her knee high boots.

Unusually, she's wearing a skirt and leggings - a concession to the evening's chilly weather? Her hair, spilling down her shoulders and her chest, also looks longer now.

Shin on the other hand looks almost exactly the same. Light brown zip-up jacket that he wears everywhere, no matter the weather (and thus it is usually left unzipped when it’s hot out), black pants, shoes several shades darker than his jacket, and, if he hasn’t changed, a sleeveless shirt of some variety underneath the jacket. His hair is shorter than I remember and his fresh cut almost reminds me of an explosion, which is fitting considering who he is with.

Mai must know I see her - we've been sizing each other up for several seconds - but she throws one more handful of rocks anyways.

Clink. If the window weren’t there, they would have hit me right in the face, and it wouldn’t have been the first time.

“Mai and Shin are outside tossing rocks at my window,” I say to Emi while giving Mai and Shin a tentative wave.

“That seems… archaic.”

I shrug. “It’s how they’ve always got my attention.”

“Looks like you’re gonna be going then.”

I gesture down at them to hang on a moment, then return to my desk. “Seems like it. Wish me luck?”

“Don’t rely on luck. You’ve got this, Hisao!”

“Thanks. Talk to you later then?”

“Yep. Love ya!”

“Love you too.” I hang the phone up and sigh. Calling Emi seems to have been the right decision. I feel a little better and it certainly helped me avoid spiraling, but time’s up.

I look at my pills. Depending on how this goes, I might not be coming back here for some time tonight, so I begin opening bottles one by one and downing the array of medicines.

A half a cup of water later I grab a small organizer with a spare day’s worth of pills - after Nurse’s lecture I made sure to refresh its contents - and pocket it alongside my phone, then slip out of my room.

When I first arrived, all I wanted to do was rush upstairs and lie down. Now that I've had a chance to relax, I realize I’m actually seeing my childhood home again after the longest I’ve ever been away and it's... weird.

I thought nothing had changed, and at first glance that might’ve been true; most of the furniture, which paintings and photographs are on the walls, and even the squeaky floorboard near the stairs are all still the same.

That floorboard was useful for telling me when my parents got back, but I always had to be careful around it when they were sleeping. I avoid it for old time’s sake.

But then there’s everything that has changed: none of the miscellaneous items on counter-tops are the same, the rugs have been rearranged, I recognize all of the paintings and pictures - some of which I’m pretty sure came with the house when my parents bought it - but I know for certain a few of them have been freshly hung since I was last here. More than anything, the atmosphere just feels… off.

What… am I doing? Shin and Mai are waiting for me outside.

When I get downstairs, I change into my shoes, then exit the empty house.

The door clicks shut behind me, and I hear their faint footsteps in the alley to my right. They stop out of sight somewhere, presumably waiting for me to approach first. I take a measured breath, then start walking towards them.

I round the corner and my stomach twists into a knot. Then my head goes light and my vision blurs momentarily. I clench my hand, which had apparently started shaking, into a fist and close my eyes for just a moment to calm my nerves.

It seems to work, because when I open my eyes, the two of them come into focus. “Mai, Shin. Nice to see you.” Is that all you could come up with? Really?

Give me a break, I only had a few hours to prepare for this.

Don’t lie to yourself; you’ve had months.

“Hey, Hisao.” Mai's response is no more clever than mine and she looks as awkward as I feel: she's rubbing one arm and shifting slowly from foot to foot.

Shin, on the other hand, is standing as still as a statue with his arms crossed. He's glaring off in the distance, and continues to do so as the seconds drag on. If looks could kill…

His behavior - no, both of them are acting out of character and it fills me with dread.

The suffocating silence reminds me of the hospital. Before I can think better of it, I take a deep bow. "ImsorryforeverythingIdidtoyouguys!"

Seconds tick by, then I hear Mai move. I brace for impact, but none comes. “Up, Nakai,” she commands.

I try to straighten up but my head swims again and my ribs flare up in sudden agony, preventing me from drawing breath. “I can’t-”

“Seriously, -”

“I can’t - hurts-” I can barely get the words out. At this point the dizziness makes it easier to go down than to go up so I rest my hands on my knees.

Both of them rush over and support my weight, which is a relief until Shin starts babbling right in my ear. “A-Are you ok man? Do we n-need to call an ambulance or give you a shot of something or-”

I raise a hand to shut him up, then take a few deep breaths to steady myself. Already, the pain is fading to something more manageable. “Nope. I’m just… an idiot. Sorry.” Finally, I’m able to straighten myself up with their support.

When it no longer looks like I’m on the verge of collapsing, they back off. Their faces are so openly fearful - wide, staring eyes and pale skin - that I can't help but laugh. To them, I must look like I'm dying. To me, this is ‘Wednesday.’

“The hell is wrong with you?” Mai demands, anger quickly overcoming her concern. Somehow, that's even funnier than before and I have to turn away as I struggle to get myself under control. “I’m sorry - ow! - I just - haha - your faces!”

“Seriously man, are you o-ok? Should we call someone?” True to form, Shin sounds extremely worried and I wonder if he's already got his phone out.

“No, n-no. I’ll be - fine.” Already, my breathing is starting to return to normal. The pain in my ribs subsides, though my head continues to swim as I turn back to face Shin and Mai. “It’s just been... a rough couple of weeks.”

“Clearly not rough enough.” This time, Mai’s biting tone is anything but funny to me. Think, vaguely threatening, especially with the combative stance that goes with it. They’re both back in character now, which is a relief to me.

Thankfully, Shin steps in. “What happened?”

“I was in a car crash a couple weeks back. It was nothing severe, until I had another attack and, well, CPR tends to break ribs - if done correctly.” It surprises me how casually I was able to bring it up this time. Maybe the adrenaline hasn’t worn off just yet.

“Oh…”

As I was talking, Mai’s anger visibly faded, leaving a mixture of shock and guilt. Shin looks much the same. It’s sobering, and I remember why I was doubled over in pain a few minutes ago. “I’m fine guys. Seriously. And I mean it, I’m sorry for last time. I-”

“No, Hisao. It wasn't your fault. We abandoned you in the hospital when you needed us most. We lied and told ourselves you needed time to yourself to process but all our excuses can’t change the fact that we abandoned you.” I've never, in all our years of friendship, heard Mai like this, and it makes me mad.

“That’s not fair, Mai.”

“What?” Her tone is dangerous and her eyes gleam in the dim light.

“I said that’s not fair. What happened back then is not your fault at all. I’m the one who pushed all of you away with my shitty attitude. You can't take the blame for that!”

“Bullshit.”

“Bullshit? How could that be bullshit when it’s the truth?” I spit the words at her, matching her venom easily and our voices slowly begin to rise with each passing word.

“Cause it’s bullshit that’s why. What happened is not your fault.”

“I don’t see how it could’ve been anyone else’s.”

“You’d just had a fucking heart attack! You were stuck in a fucking bed in that shitty little room all by yourself. You couldn't leave; we had to come to you and we fucking stopped. WE stopped visiting you, WE stopped calling or texting, WE fucking abandoned you.” She punctuates her words by jabbing a thumb into her chest repeatedly. I can’t tell in the dim light, but I think she might be on the verge of tears, which only makes me angrier.

“And why did you guys do that? Whose fault was it that I didn’t talk to you? Did I ever even once try to hold a damn conversation with you guys in that hellhole? No. Not when Shin offered me anime and manga. Not when you offered to play games. Not when Takum- Takuya brought me homework from school or when Iwanako shared the latest gossip with me. That was me! All I did was sit around and mope when you guys were trying your best!”

“For the love of- Hisao! You- almost- died! All we had to do was be there for you and we couldn’t even do that!”

My chest aches from the effort of raising my voice and I scratch at it. I can’t tell if it’s my ribs or my heart but I’m too worked up to stop now. “It is not your fault I had a heart attack. It’s not anyone's! But it IS my fault I pushed you guys away! For weeks on end I was nothing but an ass. You guys visited every day, and not a single time did I say thanks to you. Not a single time-”

“You didn’t need to! Why should you! WE WERE YOUR FRIENDS! All we had to do was be there for you and we couldn’t even do that for you. We abandoned you just as your fight was starting.”

“Dammit Mai- listen to me! Who in their right mind would spend the entire start of their last year in school hanging around in a hospital with some ass who can’t even be bothered to speak to them. No one: that’s who.”

“That doesn’t matter! None of it matters besides the simple fact that we should’ve been there, Hisao! WE-”

“ENOUGH ALREADY! SHUT. UP! Both of you!” Shin just shouted. Both Mai and I turn to stare at him, struck dumb. He and Mai bicker all the time but he never shouts.

As Shin glares at each of us in turn, Mai and I catch our breath. Now that I’m not yelling, the rush of adrenaline from the argument is quickly replaced by a dull throb in my chest.

“Shit, guys! You’re gonna wake the whole damn neighborhood, if you haven't already. This is pointless, anyways.” Shin turns dramatically towards Mai. “Look, he’s made it quite clear he doesn't blame us.”

She looks like she’s about to interrupt, but he stops her with a raised finger. “Ah ah ah. No - I’m not done talking. Hisao said his piece, and he’s had months to think about what he wanted to say. Respect that.”

Mai, who moments ago looked like she was going to keep arguing, visibly deflates. It’s clear this isn’t the first time they’ve talked about this.

“And you, Hisao!” I flinch from the force in Shin’s voice - I’ve never seen him like this. “You know damn well that fighting Mai won’t get you anywhere. I don’t know what the hell’s going on with you, and I’m pissed as hell about what’s happened, but it’s not like you to get into a damn screaming competition, especially not with someone who still thinks of you as a friend.” His reprimand strikes with the weight of truth and cuts me deeply.

I open my mouth to apologize but the aching in my ribs and the look Shin gives me makes me reconsider.

“And don’t even think about apologizing again either. Mai’s not completely wrong. Yes, you were an ass to us - a huge one - but we did still have a role in what happened. We may have thought the ball was in your court but we sure as hell didn’t put the effort in to make sure you knew that.”

“So you agree then!” Mai jumps back in but Shin cuts her off again.

“No. I don’t, Mai.” He sounds absolutely drained. “This is why I didn’t want to bring it up so soon and why I wanted us to go somewhere to talk first. It’s clear he doesn’t blame us, but he’s still a damn fool.” He says my nickname with more of a bitter sting than usual, but it does provide an opportunity.

“And you’re still a jerk.” I cross my arms and glare at him. If he wants to go somewhere to talk then we’ll need an opening in the conversation to get there.

Shin reacts as though slapped. “What? What for?”

“For holding back on us all these years. I didn’t know you had it in you to yell like that!” His cheeks start to flush.

Mai joins in. “Yeah man. Like, damn, where’s that guy been all these years?”

He blushes deeper and rubs his hair. “Well... you two were pissing me off,” he says in a small voice. Mai and I glance at each other, then burst out laughing, the tension broken as I'd meant for it to be.

With an effort, Mai catches her breath and I do the same. My ribs are aching, but Mai’s not done with Shin yet. “And what did you say earlier? About Hisao needing a shot of something? He has arrhythmia, not diabetes!”

“I don’t know how it works- I was freaking out!” Shin’s face deepens in color even more and he slumps over, causing both of us to laugh harder.

I have no choice but to endure another nauseating wave of pain from laughing, but I gladly work through it. Shin, meanwhile, goes from an embarrassed, head-hanging, shame-filled quiet to a relaxed smirk.

“Yeah, that’s pretty embarrassing,” he admits, which only causes Mai to laugh even harder. He finally cracks and jokes, “A shot of… heart juice? Wait- no. I take that back!”

“Heart juice?! Pff- What even- sh-sh-” Mai doubles over in an even louder howl.

“That’s not what I-”

“Nope! Too late!”

“Dammit. I…” He giggles to himself. “Heart juice.” He mumbles something I don’t catch between waves of pain and chuckling, then starts laughing with us as well.

Mai is the last to calm down, finally stopping after a few deep breaths. “Damn, I missed you, Nakai.”

I wipe away the tears that managed to escape my eyes and say, “Oh would you stop it with the Nakai crap? Missed you too, Mai.”

She steps over to me and pulls me into a hug, a little too tight. “Ow- watch the ribs.”

“Oh shit- sorry!”

“No, don’t stop.” I hold Mai tight and a moment later, she puts her arms back around me. “I missed you.”

Before the hospital incident Mai and I were as close as siblings - I mean, she was one of only two people I could’ve almost called my sister after all - and, until now, I hadn’t realized how much I missed her.

I let myself sink deeper into the embrace and the remaining pain in my body is soothed by a growing warmth. “I mean it. I really missed you guys.” No matter how much I tried to forget all of this.

After moving schools I tried hard not to think about everything here; I put a wall up between my old life here and my new one at Yamaku. That was a mistake.

I don’t know if we can ever get back to the bond we used to have but I want to try and give it a chance. They deserve it. I think I deserve it too.

Mai nods into my shoulder. “‘Course ya did. Who would take your sorry ass in if not for us?”

“Gee, thanks.”

She chuckles as she backs off, resting her hands on my shoulders to give me a once-over. “Jeez Hisao, did you start taking soccer seriously or something? After your time in the hospital I thought you’d be a certified bean pole or something… but damn!” She lightly pats my shoulder and takes a step back.

“Nah. Can’t really play soccer anymore, but I did pick up running. Been doing daily runs for over a month now all up until… well-” I gesture at my chest.

Shin looks me up and down for a moment. “It shows man.”

“Don’t get any ideas, Shin.” I turn to him and offer a hand. “Good to see you too, you jerk.”

“You too, you damn fool.” He says it kindly this time as he takes my hand. We give a short shake that’d make Kenji tear up. Worst part is I could actually see that happening. “You aren’t my type anyway; I like my partners taller than me.”

“Yeah, yeah- I’m telling you, you cheated growing that much in one year.” We release our hands and turn back to Mai.

Shin crosses his arms. “We should go somewhere to talk… catch up maybe. How’s the usual sound?”

Catch up.

There’s a moment of awkward silence after he says that. His defenses are back up, and there’s a far away look in both his and Mai’s eyes. I knew one conversation wouldn’t fix all of the hurt we went through, but I get the feeling there’s more to the story; something else happened while I was gone. If so, there will be plenty for us to catch up on.

But we’re healing. One step at a time.

“Isn’t the arcade closed by now?” Mai asks, glancing at her phone. “It’s after ten.”

“Damn, you’re right. Then the park it is.”

I nod. “Sounds good to me. I think I’ve started enough rumors here for my parents' hair to fall out already.” We all share a short laugh, then start walking. Just like old times, I tell myself. Just like old times.

---

[StealthyWolf]

---

The walk to the park is mostly quiet. I think the three of us needed time to recover from our reunion, so we stick to safe and less exhausting topics such as the odd change in scenery that had happened the last few months: some stores had opened and others had closed, the crooked bench still hasn't been fixed, and the old house on the corner still looks as creepy as ever, despite a new coat of paint. Why didn't they replace the broken window while they were at it?

When we reach the park, our pace finally catches up with me. “Hey guys, can we slow down? Sorry, still in recovery ‘n all that.”

Shin overreacts and stops altogether, forcing Mai and I to stop too. “Right- yeah, sorry about that. You good?”

I nod. “Just need to walk a little slower.”

“Speaking of which, what happened? You said it was a car crash?”

“Yeah, I was out with my-… friend and their mom to go on a hike, then a car came out of nowhere and smashed into us.”

“Damn, that sounds intense.”

“I was knocked out for most of it.” I gesture vaguely at my heart as I say that and the two of them look away immediately. I’m trying to show you guys that it’s no big deal anymore. “When I woke up I was in the hospital with some scrapes, bruises, and six broken ribs.”

“That’s terrible…” Mai rubs her left arm with her other hand while Shin stares at his shoes.

I shrug and start walking again at a comfortable pace. “These things happen. I’m fine so it’s okay.” The others start to follow a moment later, trailing along in my wake, stunned.

“So uhh… do you know how it happened?” Mai’s voice is still a little off-putting when she’s being quiet, but I appreciate the attempt to keep the conversation going.

I chuckle a little. “Funny story actually. Turns out the guy who crashed into us was some big shot from a company owned by someone I go to school with - or, more accurately, her family. In the end my schoolmate came to visit us and-”

Mai catches up to me and grabs my arm, forcing me to stop again. She’s got a funny look on her face.“What’s her name?” That’s much more like her.

“Err, I don’t see why that matters.” I’m not sure I want to be giving out the names of my schoolmates. Is it unethical to reveal who’s got a disability like that?

“Just answer the question,” Mai demands, neatly solving my ethical dilemma. I guess might makes right.

“Lilly… Lilly Satou.”

“Satou! Is she one of the Satous?”

“Uh, I think so? I know she’s rich-”

“Dude, it was all over the news last week! Satou Industries are in deep shit! They hospitalized three people! I mean damn, to think you’d be in the same school as their kid!” A look of horror and shock wipes across her face, “-Wait, so that was you?”

“I guess so. Didn’t know they were such a big name.” Unsurprisingly, the articles sensationalized the incident a little. Although, not by much, I guess: I did technically die. But the other two are completely fine.

“How though? The story was everywhere, and it’s the Satous!” Historically, Mai’s version of ‘everywhere’ is often an exaggeration of reality, but I’ll take her word for it that the story at least did make the rounds somewhere. Plus she says ‘Satous’ as if they’re some global super-power. Wait, they’re not… right?

“I haven’t been keeping up with the news too much. Which reminds me, my homeroom teacher said I should start watching out for things in the science world, so maybe I should try and keep up a bit more.”

Mai and Shin give me a look that immediately makes me question my line of thinking, or at least the decision to verbalize it. “Dear gods, it’s gotten worse. He’s a full on nerd now,” Shin says mournfully.

“What? Hey now, these things can be interesting! Just this year they were able to use Jupiter’s gravity to slingshot a probe towards Pluto! All based on some precise math and mountains upon mountains of work - not to mention the decades or even centuries of research, study, and advancements that even made such a feat possible. On top of that, they were able to collect some really cool data from-”

“Blah blah blah-there he goes again,” Mai interrupts before she and Shin start laughing. Huh… it’s been a while since I started rambling like that. It felt… natural, and it’s been a while since I’ve done something natural, but I refuse to let them win this one. It is pretty damn cool after all.

“Laugh it up while you can. They’re launching probes to precise - moving - targets billions of kilometers away using literal rocket science while you can barely aim a gun at an arcade screen.”

Shin gasps in mock horror. “You’re right! How dare I, a mere plebeian, not bask in the glory and awe of sophisticated minds at work. Truly, you’ve humbled me.” He gives an exaggerated European bow, barely stifling his laugh.

Mai follows suit, doffing an imaginary hat and an equally (terribly) exaggerated accent. “Yes. Please forgive our terrible transgressions and grant us mercy, for we are mere commoners in both mind and body. We could never appreciate such achievements in the greatest field of study.”

I scoff. “Well, you said it, not me.” I wave the two of them off as they snicker under their breath. When I start walking away, they crack and start howling again. Eventually they calm down and catch up to me.

We finally reach “our” spot in the park: a table set atop a steep hill. There’s no direct path to it, but for whatever reason the… erm… local council? Damn, I can’t even remember what the name of whatever local organization that governs these trails is. Anyways, they erected a single lamppost at its peak.

Despite there being a gazebo somewhere behind it, the groundskeepers must not like going out of their way to climb the hill so it can go months between cleanings. In that time, it accumulates sketches and drawings from the locals.

Mai and Shin are frequent contributors, but this time the whole table is covered in what looks like elaborate calligraphy from a distance. Up close, it turns out to be a visually appealing pattern someone drew without apparently lifting the pen from its surface.

“Whose work is this?” I ask as we settle down.

Mai and Shin shrug. “Nobody we know.” Shin speaks for both of them. “It just turned up one day.”

“Huh. I like it.”

I trace my fingers across the surface for a moment, then Mai clears her throat. “So you were with a friend? He and his mom okay?”

“Yeah, she’s fine. She’s, uh… she’s fine. Her mom’s doing fine too, just got some whiplash. She’s getting a new car out of it, which she thinks is a good deal.”

Mai gets a twisted grin. “She? That’s two girls you’ve mentioned being friends with already… You didn’t become some kind of womanizer in the past few months did you?”

“Nah, Yamaku just has a like, seventy percent female student body so let’s just say the choice of male companionship there is… limited. It’s not like I’m avoiding the guys there or anything, it’s just that none of us have gotten close yet and my hallmate is… an interesting character to say the least. Not someone I’d really say I’m close friends with, or want to be.”

Shin leans on the table. “So you are fit as hell now, got your own room on some fancy campus, are surrounded by girls, and meet some hotshot family’s daughter? Maybe I need to get in a cripple school-”

I cringe at his words. Mai immediately picks up on my reaction and delivers a swift blow to the back of his head. He glares at her, then realizes why she’s staring daggers at him. “Damn, sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“It’s…. okay. Just probably don’t call it that- or really use that word. Pretty rude… I think.” It strikes me that I’ve only heard about the struggles others at Yamaku have had with regards to words like that being used. I’ve never actually experienced it myself until now.

“Yeah- I uhm… Sorry.”

I give him what I hope is a reassuring smile and for his sake, I change the topic. “You know, it’s funny though. You’ll probably hate me for this, but I think the only people I’ve really even talked to there are all girls.”

As I was talking Mai was checking her phone. Now she puts it away and says, “Oh really? Well, fill us in. What’s it been like over there?”

So I start telling them about my time at Yamaku, starting with that first hectic week: how Shizune and Misha were the first ones to really talk to me, then how I met Hanako - Shin probably won’t ever let me live that one down - running into Lilly, then Rin, and finally Emi.

“So that’s what, five- no six girls you are friends with?” Mai asks.

“Friends is a stretch. I’d say my friend group is pretty limited there to two, maybe three of them. Shizune is probably still mad at me and Misha is pretty much always at her side so we can probably write them off, but we still talk in class plenty so who knows. I’ve barely ever talked to Hanako, and before this whole crash thing Lilly and I only really spoke a handful of times since that first week, but it seems like she’s willing to hang out some more so I might be able to call her a friend soon enough. I also met someone new just last week but I should start trying to get to know more people from my class so maybe that’ll go somewhere too.”

“Another girl?” Shin raises an eyebrow.

“I mean, yes, but-”

Mai gives an unimpressed stare. “Seven then, but you only hang out with the last two? Emi and… Rin?”

“Hang out with might be a bit of an exaggeration - Rin goes wherever she feels like. Sometimes it’s convenient to be around Emi and me, other times she just vanishes into her own world. The only reason I see her as much as I do is because Emi helps her out a lot. As for Emi, she’s a track star and I needed training to strengthen my heart, so the nurse at school set us up.”

This is it. I’m going to have to tell them about Emi and me. I’ve been avoiding it because Shin’s going to make a whole big deal of it but… “She’s actually the friend I was with when the crash happened.”

“So where were you going? On a hot date?” Shin’s childish grin takes over completely as he talks, but it feels a little forced.

“Actually, yes. Emi and I are dating.”

Shin practically does a spit take without anything to drink and Mai’s face reminds me more of a surprised cat than anything else. For a second, I wish I’d had a camera, then Mai starts in with the first of what I know will be many, many questions. “What?! Oh, I’ve got to hear the details. Spill 'em, man.”

“I mean- what do you want to know?”

“What’s she like, how’d you start dating, how many times was she dropped as a baby to fall for you, what’s her favorite color. You know: details!”

“First of all, rude. Second of all, we were already spending a lot of time together due to the daily runs and checkups with Nurse. Then, after taking blame for me having an episode on our second run, she invited me to start having lunch with her and Rin. After that she kept inviting me to lunch and I kept going. Eventually it turned into something more.”

“That’s the other thing!” Shin butts in. “You mean to tell us you aren’t close with that many of these girls, but you are on a first name basis with all of them? Something doesn’t add up.”

“Jealous?” I tease. It works and he glares at me, causing me to laugh for a moment. “You’re just a prude. Out there people are more lax about that thing than in the city.” Hmmm. That might not be the best way to put it. Yamaku is a rather strange place through and through, after all.

“If you say so.”

“I do. Now where was I…” I give them the truncated version of the past few months, leaving out the more… intimate details. I also avoid mentioning Emi’s father and the related subjects in that regard, but by the end they catch on to the fact that there’s details missing in my story. Thankfully, they don’t pry.

Throughout the story Mai keeps asking for little details that I can only slightly or vaguely recall - ‘girl things’ she called them - and Shin just nods along most of the time. It occurs to me that I never explicitly say Emi doesn’t have legs; I just mention an infection taking her off the track for a little while. It's a hard thing to drop into a conversation - “oh, and she is missing her legs below the knee” - so I leave it out. I don't think it matters much, either. “...and then we went to leave for a picnic and hike and you know the rest of that story.”

“Alright, we’ve gotten the history lesson. Now tell us about her.” Mai crosses her arms impatiently.

About her, huh? “To start, her favorite color is blue, though you’d probably guess it’s pink from looking at her. She loves eating desserts, especially strawberry flavored ones, but only on special occasions.” Mai seems dissatisfied with my answer so I sit up and scratch my head. “I don’t know what you want me to say, I guess.”

Mai pouts. “Okay, simple terms it is: Why do you like her?”

I lean back and look at the vast night sky; I hadn't realized how much I enjoyed staring at the stars, and now that they're drowned out by the city lights I miss them. I also realize that I miss the cicadas, as annoying as they are; the constant buzz of the city feels far louder to me somehow.

Eventually, I find the words I’m looking for. “She makes me feel like I can face anything and come out on top. She makes me want to be a better person.” I sit back up to look at Mai and Shin. “She makes me want to feel alive again.”

In the silence that follows, I fidget a little, trying to work out if Mai and Shin are satisfied with my answer - or if I'm satisfied with it. “It was thanks to her that I got out of the depression the hospital left me in. I might’ve just hidden away in my room forever had she not been there to help pull me out of that rut. I don’t know - maybe I would’ve found something with someone else, or maybe I’d have ended up in a much worse place. Either way, she was there and she helped me rethink a lot of things. Like how I am not defined by my condition. It’s just a part of me now, and I shouldn’t let that slow me down.” I hope you two can do the same.

“She sounds lovely, Hisao.” The voice, coming from behind me, stills my heart as it did once before. I turn around slowly, like a character in a horror movie who is moments away from being brutally murdered. I never even heard her approach us.

“Iwanako…” There she is - just like in February. Right in front of me in the middle of a park.

“Hello, Hisao.” She’s breathing hard and hiding it badly. I used to do the same after the first few runs until Emi berated me for trying to hide it. ‘You’re stressing yourself out for no reason. Just breathe, dummy.’

The night freezes in place, and the city goes quiet. Even the field around us fades into the darkness of the night as I sit there, silent. Mai shatters the spell. “I texted her we were here.” She shrugs. “Better to just rip the bandage off now.”

Shin turns to her, his brow furrowed and eyes widened slightly, “Why would you-”

“Shin, please, let’s give them space. We can talk on our own.”

He looks like he’s about to protest, then huffs. “Fine, let’s go.” He shoots out of his seat, and storms off. Mai stands up and follows without a word. Iwanako and I watch intently as the two get further away. The further they walk the more animated their argument gets, but they manage to keep their voices down. Knowing they are fighting about something related to me doesn’t feel great. Eventually they disappear down a side-street.

“They never change, do they?” I'd twisted myself like a pretzel to watch them leave so I straighten out and face Iwanako.

She’s staring at the table but cracks a smile nonetheless. Something about her apparent demureness takes me straight back to Winter, BY. Course, Iwanako is being shy for a completely different reason now than she was then.

“No, I guess they don’t.” It’s been long enough now that she’s caught her breath, or can at least hide it easily enough. I wait a moment to see if she’ll elaborate; the moment turns into several.

I clear my throat. “They start dating yet?”

Seriously? Talk about dating with your sort-of, almost ex? After she just found out about your new girlfriend, no less. Could I even be more of a prick?

“Not yet, but it always feels like they will.” Is she thinking of us as she says that? “I do worry we’ve all got the wrong idea about those two. The way they argue sometimes…” Iwanako shakes her head.

“It’ll pass. They always work it out.” I have a vested interest in them getting over this argument as well, so they better. “Then after another couple months you’ll start thinking that maybe this time they’ll actually start dating cause it just feels that much more likely, but before you know it they’re at each-others throats again. Sometimes you’ll feel like the fighting is them getting closer to hooking up, but even that passes. Then repeat. They’re like two lines that bounce off each other but always come back together.” That doesn’t sound right. “Like magnets that keep swapping polarity… or something like that.” Yeah… something like that.

And here I am, struggling to talk to someone who I used to make laugh with ease. I'd give anything to be in the library with Hanako right now - at least then we could ignore each other comfortably without any interpersonal history to make things heavy

Not that Iwanako isn't doing a great job ignoring me right now: she's either staring at the table, or else she's looking at the place where Mai and Shin disappeared from view, with one arm wrapped behind her back rubbing the other. Just like that winter night before her confession. Her hair is a little shorter now, while her skirt’s a little longer, and she’s also started to wear leggings of some sort it seems, but otherwise we could have been sent back to the long-distant past…

She shakes her head slightly. “It’s kind of cute though, huh?”

“What?”

“Those two.” Something about the way she says it compels me to agree. It's like she needs me to dispel some worry for her.

“I guess so.”

Iwanako nods forcefully, and moves a balled up hand towards her mouth. She hesitates, before moving it up to sweep a stray hair out of her face.

It occurs to me that she’s been standing this whole time while I’ve been sitting. “Uh, please sit down, Iwanako.” Should I be using her given name? She used mine… so I think it’s fine. Just feels strange. And it feels strange that it feels strange after being at Yamaku for so long.

“You sure?”

“It’d be rude otherwise.” Not to mention awkward. Eventually Iwanako nods and cautiously takes a seat across from me. I turn back towards the table to face her. The tension almost reminds me of the last few visits I had with her, but at least this time I can talk to her. That changes things right? “You got a haircut…” Smooth.

“Yeah…”

“Looks good on you.”

“Thanks.”

Another long pause. Gods, this is so awkward. Thanks Mai, you ripped one bandage off; what about the hundred others?

We’re not getting anywhere by sitting here in silence and I don’t think we’re walking away from this without talking about something, so I take the plunge.

“Iwana-”

“Hisao I-”

Iwanako must have been thinking the same thing. We both stop for a second, then I try again.

“You go -”

“Go ahe-”

In another moment of weird synchronicity, we both look up at each other and make eye contact for the first time tonight. I’m relieved Iwanako’s smiling because I am too.

Our smiles quickly turn into a shared laugh, one that I am able to keep from becoming painful.

It isn’t much, but it lifts a small weight from me. We calm down and, still smiling, I tell Iwanako she can go first if she’d like.

“You sure?”

I nod. It should buy me enough time to gather my thoughts further.

She straightens her back, then closes her eyes and steadies herself. “I wanted to say sorry for everything that happened. I sent you a letter, but I don’t know if you ever got it…”

She… was waiting for a response. Of course she was waiting. I turn away from her. “Yeah, I got it.”

Iwanako looks down, and for the second time tonight I feel like I’m a monster kicking puppies around. “Oh.”

“Sorry for not responding. Truth be told, when I first got it… it pissed me off. I didn’t even finish reading it.” Now Iwanako looks like I just told her that it’s her fault her family’s been brutally murdered and that she deserved it.

I’ve hurt her deeply, but I need- I have to be honest, even if it’s hard for both of us. I shrug, as if to dispel all the pain we all went through. “Then a lot happened and I came to realize how selfish it was of me to act that way.”

Iwanako is still avoiding my eyes, but she sits up just a little. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just…”

“No need to apologize. As I said, I wasn’t in a great head-space, though for different reasons than when I last saw you.” I take a moment to collect myself before continuing. “I thought you were just apologizing for abandoning me and that’s all the letter was, but eventually I realized it was more than that, and what you said holds true. I think I had given up on happiness- and myself. And the way I treated all of you wasn’t fair either. So, sorry for that. And I also wanted to say thanks.”

Iwanako narrows her eyes at me. “Thanks? For what?”

“Well, you helped me realize a lot about myself and someone else important to me. It really helped in a time I think we both needed it.”

“Your g-girlfriend?” From the pained look on her face, she already knows the answer.

“Yeah. We were in a rough spot, but it wasn’t just her or just me. It was something we had to work on together, and your letter helped me do that. So I wanted to thank you for that.” I let the moment hang for a little. “And I really am sorry for how I treated all of you.”

“No- it’s okay, Hisao. You were in a really bad place. It’s too much to expect you to be able to think about us after what happened to you. After I-”

“Don’t tell me you blame yourself for my heart attack.”

“I’d like to say no.” Iwanako seems to draw inwards, hugging herself tightly and resting a balled up fist on her chin.

I lean across the table. “You shouldn’t. It was gonna happen one way or another. The fact it happened in front of you may have ultimately been a blessing in disguise.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know as well as I do that it could’ve happened at any time. I heard the doctors and nurses give you the same lecture more than once when they thought I was asleep or out of earshot.” I sit back and shrug. “It’s the truth though: it could've happened when I was in the middle of a soccer match, or while watching a scary movie, or in the middle of class, or even worse, while in my room, alone. Without you there, I might not be here.” And had that ambulance not just so happened to have been nearby to the crash, or had Mrs. Ibarazaki been rendered unable to help me, or any other number of things, I may have died there too.

“I’m sure someone would’ve helped you…”

“Yeah, but after how long? Minutes? Hours? You were there and you noticed right away that something was wrong. Then you got me the help I needed immediately.” Iwanako sits up a little more, and manages to look at me again, but when she doesn’t say anything I continue. “It really wasn’t fair of me to give you all the silent treatment.”

“It wasn’t fair for us to stop visiting.”

I sigh. Why are they so hellbent on trying to tell me it wasn’t my fault after I finally accepted that it is? “Yeah, I think we’re just gonna have to agree to disagree on that front. My throat still hurts from arguing that with Mai.”

“Oh no, you didn’t…”

“Yep. I did. Right in front of my house too, so I’m sure I’ll hear about that soon enough from someone.” Probably Ms Ueda, who never seemed to sleep and always reported to my parents when I got in late, no matter how often they told her they weren't concerned.

“Mai owes me 500 yen then,” she says with a growing smirk.

“You made a bet?” Iwanako nods, looking all too pleased. “Seriously? On what, whether I’d get into a shouting match in front of my house?”

Iwanako giggles, and as she covers her mouth I notice her nails are much shorter now. They’re rough and uneven. “Not exactly. Basically, the bet was that I thought you’d probably yell at one of us if you came back.”

Normally that’d almost sound like an insult, but I was so dismissive of all of them back then that any sort of direct confrontation was probably hard - if not impossible to imagine. “So Mai didn’t think I would?”

The smile drops instantly from her face and she hesitates before answering. “Mai thought... that you were done. She thought you were… giving up on us… and on life.”

Iwanako must see the shock on my face because she hurries to explain. “Mai was really upset by what happened in the hospital when she said that, Hisao. She couldn't understand why you didn’t want her help through this. I don’t think - no, I know she didn't believe that you were really giving up.”

I nod slowly. I’m sorry, Mai. I’ll have to make it up to her somehow. Then I remember the other side of the bet. “And you? You didn’t agree with her?”

She shakes her head empathetically. “I thought you’d get through whatever you were going through one way or another. You just needed time. Even Mai recognized that eventually. A week later, she and I were talking about when you'd get back, not if.” It’s comforting to know that, despite everything, she was still rooting for me in the end. Mai didn’t exactly wear her heart on her sleeve, but once you get to know her she may as well have. I trust Iwanako’s reached that point.

“Why’d you think I’d yell though?”

Iwanako smiles, but it’s not a happy one. “Because I knew you still cared enough about us to get angry. That, or if you were still wallowing when you came back, you’d wind up really lashing out,” an impish look creeps into her eyes - the one that used to set my heart racing - “because Mai and Shin weren’t going to leave you alone, and you know how annoying those two can be when they want to be. Either way I would have won.”

Then the Iwanako from last year fully surfaces and she winks. “Although, if push came to shove I would’ve bet against the whole wallowing and lashing out thing too.”

She hasn’t acted like that in so long I almost forgot what it looked like, but before I have a chance to respond she seems to wilt. “Besides, you had plenty of reasons to be angry with us.”

I don’t know what to make of all of that for now, so I thank her for believing in me instead.

“Mai believed in you too. She was just upset.”

“But you never stopped believing.”

Iwanako blushes and shies away. “Well, I did have a crush on you for a reason.”

“Ah, yeah. About that-”

“Nope. It’s in the past. You have a girlfriend now; it wouldn’t be right for you to talk to your ex about it.”

“But we never really even dated.”

“Sure we did. We even shared a bed!”

Now it’s my turn to look away and blush. “Please don’t remind me of that. I can still see my parents’ smug faces when I close my eyes, not to mention all the nurses and their incessant giggling.”

Iwanako breaks into a laugh. “It was sooooo bad! I could barely even walk into the hospital without one of them giving me a weird look. I was beginning to think my cheeks would always be red.”

I start laughing with her as much as my ribs permit me to. “And the lectures from the doctors- I thought they’d never end!”

“I know right! They just kept going on and on every time they saw us together…”

Artist: WaffleCaramel or here

After mocking their lectures about decency, safety, the importance of situational awareness, and on and on, we share a good laugh then settle down and enjoy the calmness of the night together for the first time in what feels like forever.

Of course, it can’t stay like that forever. After everything I did to them back then… “Really though, Iwanako, I am sorry for how I treated you guys. It was bad enough I barely talked to you all, but you didn’t deserve to be the target of my anger as well.”

She shakes her head. “It’s okay, Hisao. I don’t blame you.”

“How could you not though? You spent over six weeks visiting me almost every day, and I spoke to you even less than before- and when I did it was mostly frustrated grunts or short and punchy sentences.”

“And I don’t blame you for it.”

“Why though? I don’t deserve-”

“It’s not about you, Hisao. Sure, I wanted to be there for you and I hoped that you would return my feelings from the confession and you were really, really mean to me and everything-” I notice tears forming, but they don’t fall yet. I don’t dare move as I wait for Iwanako to continue “- but I also wanted to be there for my own selfish reasons more than anything and I-... I stopped visiting because I didn’t think it was fair for me to keep using you like that and I know I should’ve stopped going there when it was clear that you didn’t return my feelings but I couldn’t stop- I. Couldn’t. Stop.”

The tears start falling. “I never know when I should stop. I was forcing you to stare at the one person you didn’t want to see most and I knew that but I still couldn’t help but keep showing up. I’m a selfish bitch.”

Surprised by everything that just happened, I absentmindedly scratch at my chest, then wait for Iwanako to catch her breath and start calming down before responding. “And you still don’t know when you’re completely and utterly wrong.”

“What?”

Time to see if my gamble will pay off…

“You say I didn’t want to see you, and maybe I wanted that to be true, but when you walked out that last day a part of me knew it was for the last time, and… it hurt.” I recall the pain I felt that day, and the way I cried myself to sleep that night alone in the hospital room. The tears from that long night are back but I blink them away and keep going. .

“It hurt like hell because you were kind enough to buy me fruit whenever they let me eat solids, and talk to me about whatever boring class you just sat through, and patient enough to bear hours of a one way conversation with the boy too rude to respond to your heartfelt confession, and sweet enough to just be there for me.”

And all I did was wallow in self-pity. I tug at the collar of my shirt and continue. “It hurt because I knew you were probably the only person who could’ve helped me through whatever I was going through. Your presence was one of the last bright spots in my day, and I pushed you away. I hurt you and you didn’t deserve that.”

She shakes her head. “I wasn’t kind though. I used you as a distraction from... all of my own problems and I did just enough to convince myself I was a good person when really all I did was the bare minimum. I can’t call myself your friend. I’m lucky Mai even bothers to talk to me still.” Iwanako looks like she’s trying to hide herself from me and the world.

“That’s just it though. You aren’t selfish. A selfish person would’ve participated in a class project for the hospitalized kid and never thought about him again despite droning on and on in their stupid letter that they were ‘oh so sad’ to see something like that happen to me. You know how many of those letters I got? Dozens.” I stop to catch my breath and rest my hands on the table, then continue.

“I can’t even remember a single one of those peoples’ names now, but I still see you at the doorway. I still hear you reaching out to me trying to help me out of the hole I was convinced would be my own grave; I was determined to make it as much. You even gave me - a person who didn’t deserve the time of day and who was out of your life - one last helping hand with your letter.” And my first reaction was to crumple it up and throw it away. I’m such an asshole.

Iwanako says nothing for some time so I decide to continue. “Let me ask you something: Would someone selfish spend that long visiting someone who was nothing but an ass to them?”

Nothing.

“Would someone doing just enough to ‘not be a bad person’ really go out of their way to get nice expensive fruit for someone who never once thanked them?”

Still nothing.

“Aren’t you deserving of your own happiness?”

She balls her other hand up, pulling at her sleeve and looking further downwards, but still says nothing.

“Aren’t you mad at me?”

Finally, Iwanako nearly jumps from her seat and clutches her hands to her chest. “I am mad at you, Hisao! Of course I am! Is that what you want to hear? I’m super mad! I’m- I’m pissed! I spent years rejecting confession after confession and weeks on end figuring out who- if anyone- I could give a gift to on Valentine's Day and never chose anyone because not a single person ever felt so- so worthwhile until…” - she looks away, suddenly embarrassed - “until I met you.”

A few tears fall onto the table and I study the treeline until Iwanako cuffs at her eyes and is ready to continue. “I liked you so much that I couldn’t even wait a measly three months to finally tell you, so I pulled you out into the freezing cold in the middle of winter to confess my feelings and look what happened. I nearly got you killed. Heck, I did kill you! Your heart stopped! But you lived. Or at least, part of you lived, because according to the others when you woke up you were aggressive and snappy and short-tempered. You were back, but the guy who was so nice to everyone around him, even the ones who didn’t deserve it, was gone. I killed him.” She hangs her head again and her shoulders sag. “Or so I thought, but then I visited you for the first time.” She collapses back into her seat and lowers her voice again.

“Do you remember what your first words to me were after your attack? No? The very first thing you said after I walked in was ‘are you okay?’”

Iwanako turns her face towards me, beyond caring now if I see the tears that are flowing freely. “That nearly broke me. I could see that kind look that’s caused you so much pain plastered all over your face. Then I had to watch as that kind and caring guy slowly slipped away every waking hour. He wanted to come back, but something was stopping him. I was mad at you for burying him like that. Now you’re sitting here acting like that very same guy I lost on that winter night and I can’t help but feel like I was the reason that he- that you never came back sooner. Then I hear you found yourself someone new and I have the gall to get mad again? How could I do that? I’m mad at you for something I did. That’s… unforgivable.” I really am a jerk. Iwanako buries her face into her hands.

I never even looked back. I pushed forward thinking that this chapter of my life was closed and everyone was just going to go off and live their lives without me. They easily could have - I almost did.

But they cared… no, they still care for me. And I hurt them. All while practically forcing Emi to do the very thing I was running away from. I need to stop running.

I lean onto the table, and try to give as much of a genuine smile as I can, though Iwanako can’t see it while covering her face. “I forgive you.”

“What?”

“I said I forgive you. I don’t think it needs saying, and I still think it’s me that should be saying sorry but that’s getting us nowhere. You say you killed that kind guy, but I doubt that’s the truth. We are all responsible for our own actions, and I was a jerk. So, I forgive you for falling for a jerk.”

“Hisao that’s… That’s not fair.” She shrinks into the seat.

“Didn’t I just say I was a jerk? It’s only fitting.” I sit up and cross my arms.

“That doesn’t change the fact that I still left you alone in that hospital bed.” Iwanako plucks at her shirt as she says it.

I shrug. “I deserved it.”

“And it doesn’t change the fact that I’m still mad at you for moving on.” Now she’s kneading her blouse, causing wrinkles.

I lower my arms back onto the table and lean forwards a little. “I’ll accept that anger too.”

Iwanako launches from her chair and chops an arm to the side, much like how Shizune does to cut people off. “Damn it Hisao! Can’t you share some of the blame?”

“I’m a selfish jerk, so no.” I feel a smirk tug at my cheek.

Her arm falls and for a while, it seems like she’s trying to say something but can’t find the words. So she drops back down and sighs deeply. A period of silence passes before she says, “Then I reject your forgiveness.”

“What?” My expression flattens and I sit up.

“I said I reject your forgiveness. I will not accept empty words. We’ve had enough of those in the hospital. So until you stop being a selfish jerk and share the blame, I won’t forgive you.” Iwanako is still rubbing the neckline of her shirt, but the conviction in her voice doesn’t waver.

“Fine. I’ll admit you stopped visiting me and it hurt me and made me a little mad if it means you’ll stop blaming yourself for me being a jerk.”

A small bit of the tension manages to leave her face. “Okay. Then I accept your forgiveness.”

“And I’m still sorry.”

“I’ll only accept your apology if it means you’ll stop trying to fix everything on your own. If you want to show me that you’ve really changed from back then you’ll have to prove it by not trying to face whatever is going on with you right now alone. Deal?” Iwanako offers her free hand across the table.

I smile, then take it in my own. “Deal.”

Whatever I’m facing right now, huh?

Our hands part and we sit in silence. Iwanako stops pulling at her shirt and rests both her arms in her lap, then looks off into the distance. I do the same, relaxing and listening to the breeze as it passes through the leaves on the trees around us and vanishes into the hum of the city, a hum that will occasionally pick up as a louder engine revs or car passes by on a closer street.

There’s something otherworldly about being out in the middle of the night. It has a weird draw to it that, without other obligations, I might have taken advantage of more.

“Soooo~ Hisao…”

“Yes?”

“About this girl I keep hearing about.”

“Ah- yeah, I guess you weren’t here for that. And you did ask for updates in that letter so I do owe you the full story.” I chuckle to myself, “I must have a type, because the first time I met Emi…”

I tell her the lengthy tale as well. She asks some similar questions to Mai, and gives equal disappointment to my lack of answers, but mostly just listens intently. I even decide to tell her a little bit about some of the struggles we faced. Not all the specifics, but just enough so she can see how her letter helped. Eventually I get to the part of the story where we make up, and while I leave out the part with Emi’s dad’s grave, the impact is there.

Iwanako yawns and it strikes me how tired I am as well. We decide it's best if we call it a night there. We’ll have plenty more time to talk in the next week before they all return to school. I never realized until now that Yamaku starts and ends summer much later than other schools.

She decides to walk me back to make sure I get home safe, which feels wrong in so many ways, but given my condition I let her. It’s not like I can do anything to stop her, anyways. When we get to my house I see my parents’ cars are still not back, not that I expected them to be this early in the night.

We say goodbye and Iwanako turns to leave. Then I get a crazy idea and call her back before she gets too much farther.

“Yeah?”

“Why don’t you all come up to Yamaku and I can introduce you to Emi?” I ask.

“What? You sure you want to introduce your ex to your girlfriend?”

“No, but I do want her to meet my friends,” I correct. “All of them.”

“Sure it’ll be okay?”

“I’ll have to ask her, but I’m certain I can swing it.”

“Okay… I guess I’d like that then!” Iwanako smiles.

“Great, I’ll get the others in on it too!”

She leaves for the night, and I return to my room. My phone says it’s only a little after midnight, which means there’s a fair chance Emi is still awake, so I text her.

Me: ‘Hey, you up?’

Emi: ‘yep. cant sleep. howd it go?’

Me: ‘alot happened. call me?’

Emi: ‘uhh sure. cant talk much though. moms asleep’

Emi calls and we talk for a bit in hushed whispers. She's relieved to hear things went as well as they did with my friends but before long, we're both yawning.

“Talk to you tomorrow?” I ask.

“Of course! Good night! I love you!”

“Love you too!”

It's almost one by the time I crawl into bed and sleep comes quickly when I do.

My eyes creak open to a still dark room. I let my head fall to the side. The clock reads some time after five. I really shouldn’t be up, and my brain is yelling at me for even thinking this much, but even after multiple attempts I can’t get my eyes to stay closed again.

I don't think I need to use the bathroom but I decide to try. I'm already up, and the walk might do me some good. Emphasis on might: I'll probably walk back and forth across the house to no end, then lie awake in bed for another hour before finally getting back to sleep. Then, with nowhere to go in the morning, I'll sleep in again. That would line up nicely with how the rest of the week's been going. Lying here is getting nowhere either way so I sit up, stretch, and leave my room.

When I reach the bathroom door - still rubbing my eyes - hushed voices come from the kitchen. I was certain Mom and Dad would be home and in bed by now, but that’s definitely them talking. Damn, I had even taken the extra steps to be quiet around their room.

I take the opportunity to detour to the other bathroom downstairs. Just as I’m about to start walking down I hear mention of Emi’s name and stop on the spot. My gut reaction is to eavesdrop, which makes me feel bad, but only for a moment.

Only for a moment.

Damn, was I always like this? Sneaking around and listening in to conversations I know I shouldn’t like some sort of… Whatever. What are they talking about anyways?

“...it's just-” Mom’s voice, somber.

“I know. We already talked about the possibility when we signed him up for that school in the first place.” Dad, monotone. Are they talking about Yamaku? Why’d I hear Emi’s name? What possibility?

Mom sighs deeply. “She’s a fine girl, and from what Hisao’s said it’s clear she’s got drive and ambition and everything else we’ve ever wanted for him, but I can’t help it.”

A pause. I think I hear someone scratching their hair, then Dad says, “It’s not like it’s something that bad though, like being blind or deaf, or I don’t know, terminal?” My blood runs cold and my fingers dig into my palms.

Are they really worrying about this? I have classmates who live those realities and my parents are talking about it like it's an inconvenience for us, like it’ll ruin me if I even dare associate with them. If they were this worried about me meeting people like that - like me - at Yamaku why did they even send me there in the first place? I mean shit, they’ve-

My internal rant is cut off when they continue. “I know Yuju. I know, but think about the looks he’ll get. The rumors. When they see he’s with someone…”

Stop.

“I think he’ll be fine. He’ll still be going to interviews and work alone; they won’t be attached at the hip.”

I never understood the urge to punch a wall until this moment. It looks really, really punchable right now and maybe the pain would calm me down.

I hear a shakiness in Mom’s voice and a chill runs down my spine. “I just… want him to have a normal, happy life. He could’ve had that with-”

“Didn’t that possibility die when she sent him to the hospital?” I grit my teeth and it takes all my willpower to keep my fists at my side.

Stop already.

A moment later Mom continues, “That’s not fair to her. We’ve already talked about this.”

He sighs. “Fine. But it doesn’t change that the chance at normal life ended for him that day. You see the laundry list of pills he has to take? Twice a day even! That’s… not normal.”

Please, just fucking stop!

“But it’s not like he’s missing limbs!” She pauses for some time and I take the chance to try and calm myself. It doesn’t work. In a quieter voice, “No one will know, not until he tells them or until they see his scars. He’d get by just fine if it weren’t for…”

They’re really not gonna stop, are they?

Fine. I’ve had enough of this. They don’t get to leave me to fend for myself for years just to turn around and not only choose what school I graduate from, but who I get to keep in my life.

What business is it of theirs anyways. I’m the one that has to live with this. Me. Not them. They can’t just…

Before I know it I’m staring right at Mom from the base of the stairs and she’s staring at me. Her eyes widen and Dad turns and freezes too.

Yeah, I heard you.

I do my best to keep my face neutral but I have no idea if I’m succeeding or not. We stare at each other for a few moments then both my parents try to say something.

“Hicchan! I-”

“We were just-”

“Bathroom. Sorry.” I blow past them and charge to the bathroom.

Once inside I promptly lock the door behind me, then press my ear against it. Their voices are indistinguishable and quiet, but they aren’t chasing me, thankfully. Hopefully they get the message and go to bed.

Moving to the sink, I splash some cold water on my face hoping the shock will help me calm down. I lean on the sink, gripping it so tightly that my knuckles turn as white as the porcelain. Dimly, it occurs to me that something’s wrong because I can't feel my fingers at all, neither pain nor pressure nor cold…

My head spins as my ears pick up a new sound: my heartbeat. I freeze. It’s not terribly loud right now. The pinching sensation is barely perceptible, but it seems to grow as soon as I notice it. I need to control this right now, so I close my eyes and start my breathing exercises.

The feeling passes after about thirty seconds but I keep going for a while longer, just to be sure. Nurse’s words come to mind, ‘That breathing exercise I taught you was meant, primarily, to help you control your emotions.’ Well, go ahead and gloat. It worked. I sigh and lower my hand from my chest.

Nothing like a life threatening scare to take the anger out of you. I stand up from the toilet - I don’t know when I sat down - and look in the mirror. My face is a little more pale than usual, but it's quickly returning to normal. Listening to my heartbeat tells me it’s returning to normal - or at least my normal. My fingers are sore, and still wet, alongside parts of my shirt from clutching at it earlier. My hands are still shaking, but that’s probably just the nerves at this point.

After I know I’m safe, the exhaustion takes over and my eyelids turn to lead. Guess it’s time to get back to bed.

And now that I’ve ‘calmed down’ I finally get a moment to reflect on what all just happened. What I did. Would it have been better to just sneak off back to bed? Or maybe feign ignorance and play it off like I was sleepy and needed to go to the bathroom?

Well, whatever… What’s done is done.

To keep the story I haphazardly gave my parents alive, I flush, redundantly wash my hands, dry my face, then leave. The kitchen is empty when I pass by. I step on the loud floorboard as I go to my room.

I’m done with tonight.

---

Table of Contents | Previous Scene: Scene 2: A Trickle Turns in a Stream. A Stream into a River. A River into… | Next Scene: Scene 4: One Step Forward

After the longest break yet (and being honest, there will probably be longer ones as a result of life, but hopefully not every time) I am back with another rather lengthy chapter in Uncertainty. Though not quite as long as Scene 2, this one, I feel, is even more dense with all the events that take place. And you know how I previously said Scene 2 would probably be the longest for some time? Well, let me warn you Scene 4 is looking to be about the same length... whenever that comes around.

But back on topic. Get ready for number/length/whatnot rambles and if you don't care about that skip to next paragraph. Would you believe me if I said the first draft of this Scene took 6 days to write and ₄ months to edit? Cause it did. And at the end of that first draft it was about 30% shorter than what it is now. On top of that, an entire section of what was originally written for this Scene, and was about 20% of it, was moved to Scene 4. This is the main reason these take so long to get out. A LOT of editing (And Scene 4 has already had more edits than any scene besides Scene 1...).

Speaking of editing, I'd once again like to give a major thanks to Stiles for the immense amount of work he's put into this Scene and the story as a whole. I'd also like to give a shout-out to SilentFrost (AKA Rob) and Talmar for giving feedback on a section of this Scene that I was struggling with. I hope the both of you like the final product! And I hope everyone here enjoyed reading! See you in the next one!

[Peorth]

Interesting. Following

[Feurox]

Not another massive comment from me, don't worry!

Really enjoying how this is progressing, and it definitely feels like it has a greater narrative focus now, maybe because things have been established and you're clearly more confident in your style. (Or more confident with your Stiles...) Either way, I found that the dialogue with Lilly and Akira really felt much more human than before, and your characterisation of the Nurse continues to impress and amuse.

Mai is an interesting character!

I must admit that I'm not hugely fond of the text messaging format you deploy a lot - nor do I like the trend with a lot of writers to use THUMP to indicate a heart flutter... I feel there are more nuanced and subtle ways to go around that. That said, it's not really a deal breaker and its certainly personal preference here. Even a touch hypocritical of me, since I LOVE the journal entry part. Really cleverly done. Kudos.

Anyway, reading with vested interest. Good stuff my dude! Keep me in the loop!

[Sharp-O]

Helluva fic, Stealth! You're really putting in the hard yards and it's really paying off!

[ShizuneFan2019]

Hey there! I've read your comment and your new chapter earlier, but real life events has slowed everything down. Your way of handling Hisao's reunion is interesting. I'll wait until you elaborate further his relationship with his old school friends in your next chapter before making more comments. And I also want to reference your work when I write about his friends later. So keep it up!

[Mirage_GSM]

It's been a while since this has been posted, and Feurox already made most of the more important points, but since you clearly put a lot of effort in this I want to give at least a bit of feedback.

At first I felt that the accident just two days after the end of the main story was laying on the drama a bit thick, but with the inclusion of Lilly and her problems you put a decent amount of a new spin on it.

With Emi keeping a kinda obvious secret from Hisao for an unnecessarily long time you certainly captured the feel of Emi's route, but then that was my main gripe with the main route, so that might not have been a good thing...

Your Hisao is also a mound of contradictions: On the one hand he seems perfectly reasonable and careful about his circumstances, and then he turns around and does things that are ridiculously stupid - both with his running and with the PTSD thing.
...though reading his mother's tales of his earlier "exploits" the stupidity seems to be the norm...

I sigh. “Emi is better at this than you are.

This is quite ironic: She was able to fool him completely for weeks on end when she was his girlfriend, but he sees through her in five minutes now Nice justification, though.

The first diary page:

I know why you did it from a story perspective, but it doesn't really make sense for Hisao to start the diary with the day before and NOT include the whole talk with Emi...

figuring out who- if anyone- I could give a gift to on White Day

Should be Valentine's. On White Day it's the boys who are supposed to give gifts.

Looking back Hisao's arguments with Mai and Iwanako felt pretty similar...

All in all I think the writing is great. The above is really just nitpicks considering the total volume of what you've written so far.

And lastly a few bits of SPaG (mostly my pet peeves...):

yet she still took the time to prepare meals for Dad and I me in the morning.

He gives my parents and I me a quick bow

Not many things are able to phase faze her though.

As I said, not much phases fazes her.

She was also a little dressed up, still casual, but it made me feel a little odd wearing my usual every-day outfit after - yet-again - seeing her in something different. She was wearing light brown shorts and a pale green top with spaghetti straps over what looks like a plain white tee with puffy sleeves.

This sentence is past tense in an otherwise present tense story.

It took Ikuno and I me a little longer to get here

Her She and Iwanako were already starting to get closer ... since she and Iwanako couldn’t be more different

You got it right later in the same sentence...

Sometimes it’s convenient to be around Emi and I me

I’m going to have to tell them about Emi and I me

[StealthyWolf]

Interesting. Following

Glad to have you on board! Hope you'll enjoy what's coming.

Not another massive comment from me, don't worry!

Long comments only slightly worry me. I love getting feedback, helps me further develop my thoughts and the story.

...you're clearly more confident in your style. (Or more confident with your Stiles...)

Heh...

Either way, I found that the dialogue with Lilly and Akira really felt much more human than before, and your characterisation of the Nurse continues to impress and amuse.

Glad to see you like Lilly and Akira more in that scene. And Nurse is definitely a fun character to work with and develop. No better route to do it in than Emi's.

Mai is an interesting character!

For it being an Emi/Hisao story, I spent a lot more time than I originally planned on trying to flesh out the stories surrounding them. Glad to see it coming through in characters like Mai, who I'm particularly fond of.

I must admit... (snip) ...since I LOVE the journal entry part. Really cleverly done. Kudos.

Always trying to add my own spins to the format of writing. I thinks there's a lot of flexibility with the medium, though it's a careful balance of sticking with what works and understanding why it works and having fun. The new forums might allow me to alter how text messaging looks in this fic, but I'll need to experiment with it and see how it looks on mobile as well. Not making that mistake twice. Glad you liked the first iteration of the journal. I do plan on coming back to it, though I make no promises as to when or how.

Anyway, reading with vested interest. Good stuff my dude! Keep me in the loop!

Glad to have you on board as well! And will do.

Helluva fic, Stealth! You're really putting in the hard yards and it's really paying off!

I've mentioned in the past that I 'liked" flutter before (has since evolved into loving the story) but failed to comment before you're return, but I wanted to add that I always loved your writing style and the way you handle your stories. To you have you come back and enjoy my work, which definitely drew some inspiration from yours and your writing, has been an honor and I'm happy to see the work's been paying off.

Hey there!... (snip) ...So keep it up!

Glad to see you coming back! And hey, if you see parts of this story that inspire you I'd say go for it. It's an amazing compliment. Hope the coming developments in the story are just as interesting and captivating, and live up to the expectations!

It's been a while since this has been posted, and Feurox already made most of the more important points, but since you clearly put a lot of effort in this I want to give at least a bit of feedback.

Honestly it's been a long-held small bit of anxiety seeing your presence around the forums before now and anticipating your response to my writing. Welcome back and glad to see you here! Thanks for the consideration.

At first I felt that the accident just two days after the end of the main story was laying on the drama a bit thick, but with the inclusion of Lilly and her problems you put a decent amount of a new spin on it.

It was definitely a worry of mine that the events both already presented and what may come in the future would paint the story as being too dramatic, especially with this type of beginning, but I'm happy to see it doesn't feel completely unjustified thus far. I'll definitely keep working at it to make sure it doesn't become a drag throughout the remainder.

With Emi keeping a kinda obvious secret from Hisao... (snip)

I think it adds an interesting layer to the relationship and the characters, but is also a good example of why I think Hisao is kinda at his dumbest and thickest in Emi's route. Which I thought could lead to some interesting character expansions like...

Your Hisao is also a mound of contradictions... (snip) ...the stupidity seems to be the norm...

this. Though I admit the presentation might feel a little weak this early on. I just wanted to say that I am not planning on leaving Hisao undeveloped and his actions will have consequences in Uncertainty.

This is quite ironic: She was able to fool him completely for weeks on end when she was his girlfriend, but he sees through her in five minutes now Nice justification, though.

Thanks!

I know why you did it from a story perspective, but it doesn't really make sense for Hisao to start the diary with the day before and NOT include the whole talk with Emi...

If I could go back and re-do this diary entry one of the things I'd make more clear is that Hisao does recount the events of his talk with Emi in the diary itself. It's just not presented "on screen" because I thought it'd be too repetitive, especially since I didn't think it'd add enough new content to justify it's own existence on page.

figuring out who- if anyone- I could give a gift to on White Day

Should be Valentine's. On White Day it's the boys who are supposed to give gifts.

fixed. Thought I double checked how this worked, but must've crossed a few wires somewhere.

Looking back Hisao's arguments with Mai and Iwanako felt pretty similar...

I imagine they've at least spent some time venting their frustration to eahc other over the months since Hisao's heart attack. I find that people who are close to each other tend to adopt a similar point of view and opinion on certain subjects and form similar reactions. That said, I ultimately do think that his talk with Iwanako was by and large an expansion of what Mai started with him. Though the play-by-play of the arguments could've been a bit more distinct from each-other.

All in all I think the writing is great. The above is really just nitpicks considering the total volume of what you've written so far.

Thanks and glad to see you don't think it's atrocious Hope that the future installments only improve your opinion on the story!

And lastly a few bits of SPaG (mostly my pet peeves...):

all fixed.

Just wanted to add at the end of this a thank you to everyone reading whether you comment or not! The next Scene is coming, just not today. I don't want to rush my editor and hope you'll continue to be patient with us! I've been trying to work on the weaker portions of the coming story in the mean time and the continued feedback and thoughts are much appreciated in helping me better solidify how this all comes together. Thanks for reading and I hope to see you all back again here sometime soon!

[Mirage_GSM]

Honestly it's been a long-held small bit of anxiety seeing your presence around the forums before now and anticipating your response to my writing. Welcome back and glad to see you here! Thanks for the consideration.

I'm slowly working my way through the stuff I missed. Yours took me a while to get through, and the next one is even longer...

[StealthyWolf]

Part 1 (this post) Part 2 Part 3

---

Scene 4: One Step Forward

There used to be a time where I felt that morning was the worst part of the day. Then came running. With or without Emi, it really changed my opinion on the start of the day. Unfortunately, now that neither of us can run, I’m back to hating them again.

Heavy, stiff chest, foggy brain, no energy, limbs that feel like lead, and nothing to do but think. What’s there to think about this time? Last night. Specifically, my parents… which I really don’t want to linger on right now so I should get moving; it's after eleven.

Man, I must have been tired. I shouldn't be surprised though; yesterday was a long and emotional day. The only bright part was talking to Emi at the end of it all. Hopefully today is less eventful. Please let it be less eventful.

First though, morning routine.

As I lever myself to an upright position, the room seems to lurch and a wave of nausea knocks me back down again.

I lay still until the feeling passes, then I try again with more success this time. Whether or not I have the energy doesn’t seem to matter because when I start opening the pill bottles my body goes into auto-pilot. Pills. Teeth. Shower. Then I change into my old gym uniform. I don't like it as much as I do the Yamaku uniform but that one is dirty thanks to the events that led to my visit with Nurse yesterday. I'll wash it later but for now, I'm stuck with the BY uniform.

I head down to the kitchen and find a note on the counter.

That tracks. Haven’t seen or heard either of them since I woke up. Probably better this way; I don’t know how I’d react to seeing them this morning.

Damn, already back to thinking about that scene again.

How much do they think I heard? I thought they were okay with it - me and Emi. I mean, Mom even told us we looked cute together! Was that a lie? Was it all just an act to try and make me feel better like they did after my heart attack? I’m sick of everyone acting like everything’s okay when it’s clearly not. I really need to stop thinking about this. I can already feel the seeds of a headache starting to germinate.

It didn’t work back at Yamaku a few days ago, but hopefully this time a walk will help clear my thoughts. I pat my pocket to confirm I’ve got my phone, then leave the house.

There’s a few occasions on the walk that I almost get lost, or I think I do for a second. Then I’d slow down and actually pay attention to my surroundings and pretty much instantly recognize where I was. Still, the disorientation is… disorienting.

It feels like I’m visiting my childhood home after some uncaring soul has lived in it for years. To me, it’s dingy and unkempt and sad, and all the things that made it home had been replaced by another’s belongings - but it’s still the same old home underneath it all. Or maybe it’s just nostalgia and a poor memory speaking.

In the end I walked for thirty minutes at a slower pace, which I thought was acceptable given the uneven terrain and, y’know, the broken ribs. Despite my previous worries, the only people that recognized me were the occasional shopkeeper, and the ones I did run into weren't interested in talking - at least, not this early in the morning.

Wait. Why am I even worried about that anymore? I’ve already talked to almost all of my old friends from BY.

Gods, I miss coffee.

When I finally get back to my house, there’s a familiar figure standing in front of the door. For a moment I silently watch in amusement as he’s clearly hyping himself up to knock. Then a wave of sadness strikes; it really shouldn’t be this hard for him to talk to me.

From behind him I call out, “Hey Taku… ya.” Never did settle on what to call him. Damn.

He jumps and whirls around to face me. “Hisao?!” Takuya turns so quickly his hair splays out into a disc… it’s longer than I remember. Then he turns back and forth, looking at the house and me a couple of times. “Don’t people usually come from inside their houses?”

“Usually. I was out for a walk.”

He looks me up and down. “A walk in running shoes?”

“Habit.” Plus it’d be a real shame if Emi spent all that time convincing me to get them for nothing.

“Thought for sure that you’d still be in bed.”

Takuya says it quietly enough that I’m sure he’s just talking to himself, but I respond anyways. “Been waking up pretty early the past few months for morning runs, otherwise you’d probably be right.”

“Shin mentioned that. I didn’t believe him, but you’ve even got running shoes…” He shrugs, then puts his hands in his pockets and leans against the wall.

I’m unable to meet his gaze. “So you’ve talked to them?”

“Yeah. No need to rehash that whole conversation.”

“Okay.”

“Yep.”

I give Takuya a moment to explain his presence, but the moment turns into several. He’s not here for an apology - at least not if that interaction was anything to go off of. He’s certainly not here to just hang out considering his blunt demeanor. Then what could he… Oh. He’s got that signature blank stare of his, which means he’s lost his train of thought.

“Soooo, what brings you to this side of town?” I say to get him back on the tracks.

“What? To talk to you, of course.” Takuya crosses his arms.

I suppress the urge to scream. “Great! What’s next?”

“Not like this, Hisao. Can we go somewhere more private?”

The obvious answer is my house, but I’d prefer somewhere else - for now. “Sure, just let me change and I’ll be right back out.”

“Okay.”

After changing - a feat I managed to do rather quickly today if I do say so myself - I poke my head out the door. Takuya is still leaning against the wall with his hands back in his pockets. “Hey, Mom made lunch for me today and it seems pretty large. It okay if I bring that?” I ask.

“Uh, sure?”

“Cool, give me a minute.”

I close the door and sigh. He’s never been very out-spoken with anyone, though that’s not always the case. If Shin’s stories are to be believed, Takuya has a much more energetic side once he feels comfortable around you.

Today, however, the awkwardness feels especially potent. I don’t blame him for being so tense, but I wanted a calm, quiet day today. Takumi did not factor into my plans and I find myself hoping the rest of the trip doesn’t go like this.

I shake my head a little then, box in hand, walk out the door. “Ready?”

“Yeah.” Takuya starts walking purposefully, but makes no attempt to start a conversation.

Okay… so we’re walking in silence then? Every second more deafening than the last, and somehow it feels like time is slowing down just to make the walk that much more painful. I’d almost prefer the shouting match with Mai at this rate.

It only takes a couple blocks until I crack. “Any destination in mind?”

“Just the usual.”

“The park, or the arcade?”

“Arcade, obviously.”

“Cool, cool. None of the others gonna be there today?”

“Not this early.”

Another large gap of suffocating silence, each footfall piercing the air between us. A rolling thunder of steps never managing to sync up. I speed up to match Takuya’s pace. “So anything new with you?”

“Not… really.”

“Oh? What’s that mean?”

He sighs, then stops. “Listen, Hisao. I get this is a little weird and all, but I can’t just treat this like some Sunday stroll between buddies.” He scratches at his wrist, eyes on the toes of his shoes. “Not yet anyways, so can we just not?”

“So do you want me to apologize or not? Cause the truth is I am sorry, and I was a jerk.”

“Correct.” Takuya starts walking again and I follow. A few seconds pass. Then what has to be a minute. And just as I’m about to give up on him elaborating, he shakes his head. “That’s not what I’m here to talk about though.”

“So… what do you want to talk about?”

“Let’s get to the arcade, then we can talk.”

“Okay.” It’s probably not about the incident at the hospital - or at least that’s what Takuya says - and he is upset with me, but that’s still not it either. What does he want to talk about then? I’m glad I paced myself on my morning walk because this one would rapidly surpass unbearable if we had to go any slower on my account.

The silence doesn’t get any easier to deal with the longer we walk. It isn't fair to keep using her as the gold standard of awkwardness, but as we walk I can't help but think of every interaction I've had so far with Hanako.

She always reminded me of a more extreme version of Takuya, because he actually talks to strangers when you force him to and I don’t think she could get mad the way that Takuya can. Then again, the quiet ones can surprise you. Maybe she'd really go off on whatever poor sap got under her skin. I don't know her well enough so it's hard to say.

Speaking of Hanako, now that Emi and Lilly are planning on having a tea party it’s possible that - should Lilly and Hanako work out whatever’s going on between them - the three of them could actually end up hanging out. Hell, Rin might even end up joining them all. That’d be a sight to see.

I’d call it an odd group, but the scene at Yamaku is so different from my old school that a group of ‘odd ones out’ or even ‘outcasts’ seems like an impossibility. I mean, there are semblances of your usual cliques, but even they have caveats. For example there’s that one blonde who reminds me of a more casual, less foreign version of Lilly who you’d peg as the head of the popular girls. Instead she uses a cane to walk and keeps to a small circle of people - people that would’ve stood out at my old school: the albino girl, the girl in the wheelchair, the-

Shit, I’m doing it again: labeling everyone by what makes them… stand out. Then again, don’t I stand out more, seeing as it’s not obvious why I’m there? That’d be poetic in its own way. Me ending up as one of the outcasts even at Yamaku.

My wandering thoughts buy us enough time to reach the arcade. A rush of cool air escapes as we push through the door. Damn, this place brings back memories. Almost nothing has changed since I was last here and apart from some kids and their parents, it’s pretty empty right now - probably because it’s so early in the morning. Ok, it's almost noon but that's basically the morning!

Takuya makes for the corner table the group used to - and probably still does - occupy. With no other real option, I follow him.

We sit down. We face each-other. He rests his elbows on the table. I toy with a pamphlet the arcade put out. He leans back and crosses his arms. I try, and fail, to get comfortable. Then he closes his eyes and rests his chin in his hands, leaving me to wait. And wait. And wait, until I finally break… again. “We gonna talk or…?”

“Getting my thoughts in order.”

“Too short of a walk for all that?”

“Had a couple interruptions.”

Between my time at the hospital and Yamaku I must’ve lost some of my patience, because I’m already sick of this waiting game even though it’s pretty normal for Takuya.

I take a deep breath and try to settle in to wait.

I force myself to read the pamphlet, which details events at the arcade... from last month. They still don't replace these often, it seems.

An employee I recognize passes by and I nod at him. From the look on his face, he doesn't recognize me at first, but it’s been a while.

And that's the extent of my patience. Takuya and I never really hung out much for two reasons: 1. he was closer to Shin than to me, and 2. the long, awkward silences that used to hang over us when it was just him and me.

It was bad back then but today feels positively oppressive. It feels like he is analyzing our every interaction in the past, weighing the good and bad on a scale, with judgment to come striking down when it settles. In the meantime, we sit here in silence while it feels like the arcade is a pressure cooker that’s just warming up, and wait, and wait, and-

“I have three things I want to talk to you about, Hisao.”

Finally! “Let’s hear it then.”

“One: I want to hear more about what happened between you, Mai, and Shin. Shin gave me the Shin version when he called last night, but he was pretty pissed. I’d like the whole story.”

So I give it to him, or as much as I feel comfortable repeating. It’s still pretty raw and I don’t really want to so I stick to broad strokes that I think cover the majority of what went down.

Takuya slides further and further down in his seat as I recount last night’s events. He sits up a bit when I get to the part when Iwanako arrived. “...and we ended up having a good, honest talk. It felt like a new start, I think, but I’m not sure yet.”

Wow, that felt good. Better than I thought it would. I’ve finally talked to all of them after all that worrying. Takuya, on the other hand, looks like he’s still processing everything.

“That’s why he was so pissed off when he called me last night?” He asks after a long silence.

“I was kind of upset too… It’s not like I was ready for Iwanako to show up out of the blue!”

“I wasn’t either,” Takuya mutters, but before I can ask what he means by that he slaps his cheeks, shakes his head, and sits up. “Okay, that makes a lot more sense. Thanks for telling me the whole story. Two: I agree with Shin.” I hope he realizes how little that narrows it down.

“On what, specifically?”

“You being an ass.” I shy away. I know I’m apologizing to everyone for it, but when he says it so bluntly to my face it’s hard not to feel ashamed. “That being said, I also hate how big of an issue it is.”

So it is an issue. “It’s that bad, huh?”

“Probably worse than you think.”

“Oh. Did… something happen?”

“Hmmm. I’ll let Mai talk to you about that. In the meantime just know I do want us to move forward, and I’d like for you to be there too.”

It feels like I’m fumbling through the dark here. What happened? “I guess…” Still, hearing that last bit is relieving in its own way. “…I’ll have to talk to Mai then. And thanks. I think I’d like to be friends with you guys again too.”

“Again? Did you decide to break up with us or something?”

“I mean- I thought-”

Takuya shakes his head slowly, looking like a teacher about to correct a favored but erring student. “First mistake, Hisao: you thought.”

“Damn. Well in that case, thanks… Takumi.” He smiles when I use the more familiar name.

We sit in companionable silence, and for once I’m able to read Takumi’s mind: We’re both wondering why so much had to happen for us to get to this point.

“I’m getting pretty thirsty. Drinks?” I say after a minute.

“Drinks.” Takumi nods agreeably. “But only if you’re buying.”

I consider protesting, but it’s probably the least I can do. “Don’t get anything too expensive then.” Takumi stands up and leads the way to the vending machine.

It feels really good to be able to freely talk to him like this. When I got back, it felt like I’d forgotten how to talk to my B.Y. friends, but I think we’re all getting over that initial awkwardness, if only because of Takumi’s bluntness.

On our way back from the vending machines, I spot a very familiar game. Smiling, I nudge Takumi and point with my drink. “You down to play?”

Takumi smirks, then nearly laughs. “Dude, do you even need to ask?”

We cross over to a Tekken cabinet and toss a few coins in. Takumi quickly locks in Lee and sips his drink patiently while I decide between Xiaoyu and Asuka.

“Damn, this takes me back. I haven’t played in forever.” I can’t help but smile as the memories come flooding back.

“There’s no arcade out there?”

“I wouldn’t know. Haven’t really thought to look for one since I moved, but I’d imagine there has to be one in the city if nothing else.” I wonder if Emi or Rin are even slightly interested in video games. If not, maybe some of the classmates I’m theoretically- no, that I’m going to start talking to are. That’d be nice. If there aren’t, then I’ll just have to convince Emi to give it a shot.

I settle on Xaioyu and take a long pull from my milk tea while the game starts loading the next sequence. I swear this machine is still the slowest I’ve ever seen. Damn, I was thirsty.

“Hisao Nakai…” Takumi says, sounding suddenly very serious. I turn to look at him, suddenly apprehensive. I thought we were done with serious conversations! The blaring intro cinematic startles us both but I don’t look away until Takumi turns back to the screen. “Fix that-” What’s he talking about? “- I don’t want to start winning just because you’ve gotten rusty.”

Is that seriously all he wanted to say? It takes me a moment to work out what he’s talking about - but not nearly as long as it took him to come up with that comeback. Mine comes to me far faster. “You need to stop projecting. You might get rusty after a couple of days but I’m made of tougher stuff than that.” The screen lights up with bold red lettering:

ROUND 1. READY? FIGHT!

Takumi wastes no time going straight in for an attack.

Ruthless as ever, Takumi takes advantage of my lack of practice and starts picking away at my health bar. “Damn, you aren’t holding back at all.”

“What? Did you want me to go easy on you?”

“Nah. With the way you play you’ll need every advantage you can get.” Muscle memory begins to kick in and I start blocking some hits. A few more seconds go by and I land a solid hit of my own - my first.

Next to me, Takumi leans forward and the flurry of attacks on screen intensifies. “Good. I wouldn’t have even if you asked.”

“It would just cheapen my victory if you did.” My defensive game is strong now and none of his blows deliver full damage. I even manage to hit him back several times, though it’s a far cry from the combos I used to land.

K.O. LEE WINS

Unfortunately it’s not quite enough. The lead he got at the start proves too much to recover from, and round one goes to Takumi. “You sure you aren’t rusty? Winning that easily feels bad; like fighting a toddler.”

“Do you do that often? Is that why you know what it’s like?”

“What? No. Stop being salty and accept your loss.” Despite the implied insult, Takumi smiles a little. Nothing like good ‘ol fashioned trash talk to help us bond.

“Just you wait. Fight’s not over until the screen says victory.”

ROUND TWO. READY? FIGHT!

I’m back in the rhythm now and I shut Takumi’s opening charge down quickly with some well-timed blocks before landing a combo of my own. The banter is forgotten as Takumi hones in and tries hard to shrink the lead I gained. Nothing he does works and we trade blows, our health bars shrinking at the same rate until his empties fully.

K.O. XIAOYU WINS

“I still got it!” I triumphantly fist pump.

Takumi shakes his head. “Don’t get too full of yourself. I’ve been practicing these past few months, you’ll see.” He stretches his fingers out and rolls his neck.

“Practice more. You’re not there yet.” We position ourselves for the last fight, then I realize Takumi mentioned wanting to talk about three things earlier and only got to two.

Later.

…

Shit, now that it’s on my mind I can’t stop thinking about it and I’d rather get whatever this last thing is over with now than wait in anticipation. I was even starting to enjoy myself too. “So, what was that last thing you wanted to talk about?”

FINAL ROUND. READY? FIGHT!

“Right. Uhm…” Takumi moves to attack me, same as always, but this time his attacks are sloppy and easy to avoid. His defense is even worse and I get a strong lead after the starting clash. “Well, I was just wondering how everything went between you and ‘Nako last night.”

“Didn’t I mention it earlier? In spite of everything I think-”

“No, Hisao. I mean-” He sighs. He puts his defenses up, managing to stop any more direct blows, but in doing so he also isn’t able to get any hits on me. “Screw it. It’s been bothering me this whole time and it’s something I need to ask.”

There’s a desperate edge in his voice, one strong enough to get me to turn away from the screen. Takumi’s hands are barely even touching the controls. This feels pretty serious. I stop playing as well. Then I catch him stealing nervous glances at me while trying to keep looking straight ahead. It’s hard to tell, but I might even see his cheeks start to redden.

Takumi takes a deep breath, then, “SoIknowyouand‘NakomadeupandeverythinglastnightandIjustneededtoknowifthatmeantyoutwogotbacktogetherornot.”

I’m lucky I managed to pick up everything in that, but it still leaves me stunned. His face turns an even deeper shade of red than before and his eyes are glued shut.

The game’s background fight music drones on as I try to fully decipher and then make sense of what he just said. He’d said it so fast it takes me a minute to do step one, but all it takes for step two is a glance at his burning, blushing face.

Things all seem to snap together with startling clarity and a maniacal grin creeps onto my face that would make Emi proud. I mischievously narrow my eyes at him. “You like her, don’t you?”

Takumi jolts a little, turning to me with wide eyes. “What! No- I-I mean yes- but you and her were- a-and now- I mean-”

Wow! I didn’t expect him to get this flustered over that. I chuckle. “Relax man, I’m teasing you. Iwanako and I may have made up, but a chance at a relationship died in that hospital.”

The hospital? Not the night of my attack? I catch myself and push off of the cabinet. “Besides, I’ve got a girlfriend now.”

Somehow his eyes grow even wider, and he blinks in complete disbelief. Should I be offended by that? I feel like I should be offended by that. “W-What! Do the others know?”

Wait, didn’t he… “Yeah, they do… I thought you already talked to Shin. He didn’t mention it?” And since I was in such a rush to get through the story earlier I never mentioned that Emi and I getting closer explicitly meant we were dating now.

The shock wears off and the energy drains from Takumi’s entire body. He slumps forward, sighs, and says, “No. He didn’t. He was so focussed on that damn fight with Mai that… Damnit Shin.”

I’ve never seen Takumi have such strong animosity towards Shin. “Are you and Shin fighting or something too?”

He lifts his head and shakes it a little. “Not exactly. But things have been… different since your heart attack. I don’t think we ever really addressed how we felt about everything that went down. And we haven’t talked too much since. Like, we talk all the time, but not like we would’ve before.”

“Does he even know you like Iwanako?”

“Yeah, he does, but I don’t think he realizes… I’m not sure. We’ve only talked about it once or twice, and that conversation would typically lead into talking about you, which is something we’ve been avoiding.” Takumi shrugs. Then I notice his hands are moving… on the controls.

I turn back to see an onslaught of attacks melting my character’s health one after another, and the lead I had earlier vanishes. “You sneaky little…” I scramble to try to regain my footing and put up some sort of defense, but it’s no use.

K.O. LEE WINS

“Damn.” I hang my head in defeat.

Takumi backs off from the game with a bitter-sweet smirk. “A win’s a win, huh?”

“Fair enough.” I stretch, then turn to him. “How long? I mean your crush on her.”

“Err, three months-ish.”

“And you’ve never made a move?”

“It felt wrong, man. I didn’t know where you two stood.”

That makes sense, I think. Until last night, I don’t think either Iwanako or I had a clear picture of where we stood, so someone on the outside would likely be even more confused.

“She never mentioned how things went between us?” Why am I still bitter? It’s my fault things went sour in the end; it’s my responsibility to explain it.

“It… didn’t seem definitive - to me at least. Besides, we still had other things to worry about.” Takumi’s face drops as his thoughts seem to go somewhere else entirely.

I sigh; it’s clear this is connected to what he mentioned earlier. “I’m assuming it wasn’t exams.”

“Nope.”

“And I get the feeling it wasn’t pleasant.”

“You could say that.”

“And you’re gonna let me fly blind into it?” I can’t help but let my impatience slip through as I speak. Something big happened and it’s probably at least somewhat related to me. If I’m here and we’re still friends then I need to be in the damn loop.

He rubs his forehead for a few seconds, then gestures for me to follow him. Seems like we’re done with Tekken for now. “You really should talk to Mai, but fine. Basically the class split into three factions after you left. One party blames you for what happened, one blames the group as a whole, and a third party blames Iwanako.” We weave our way down a couple of aisles to whatever destination Takumi has in mind.

“I can guess where you, Shin, and Mai all land.” Mai believes that they are responsible for what happened back then while Takumi seems to be in agreement with Shin that I’m mostly at fault. Or, at least, that’s what I’ve gathered.

“Yep.”

“So this… faction split… how bad was it?”

“Our group still hangs out if that’s something you’re worried about. The less we talked about it the better it got, but sometimes it’s hard to do that at school. I mean, sure, we were outcasts before all of this, but now…” Takumi trails off into a shrug that seems to take a lot out of him; he almost looks like he used to before Shin practically dragged him into our friend group.

He slouches along for a few seconds and I have to prompt him to continue. I don’t want to - I can see from his face the news can’t be good - but I need to know. “So the third party…”

“Pretty much the rest of the class. I won’t go into detail, but just in case you run into anyone… Well, Kai is the only one from any of those other groups who’s still around.”

After a half dozen different faces run through my mind, I connect the name to a face: Kai Fushiharu - or, as I used to call her, ‘Shrimp.’

Iwanako always had a crowd around her before I left but Kai, with her short ginger hair and smaller build, stood out as Iwanako’s constant side-kick. They were a good fit: Kai was bubbly to the point of being draining and Iwanako was as calm as can be.

Kai is smaller than Iwanako, who herself was pretty short, so I always thought of her as a shrimp.

She and I didn’t talk much until Iwanako started hanging out with my friends since our two groups didn’t really mesh back then.

If she’s really the only one from Iwanako’s old group that stuck around, it must’ve been bad. Mai has Iwanako’s number now, which makes me wonder… “So did Iwanako finally join the group officially?”

Takumi shakes off his pall and straightens up, looking absurdly pleased. “Yep, ‘Nako’s here to stay.” Then it’s like something else takes hold of his thoughts; a frown creeps onto his face and he narrows his eyebrows as if pondering a question.

He brushes whatever it was off before continuing. “Kai even hangs around us a lot now. She’s… interesting.” We stop in front of a rail shooter I don’t recognize. Takumi seems satisfied with this decision and pops a couple coins in.

I take my place next to him. “Kai too, huh?”

“Not Fushiharu? Were you secretly her friend or something back then?”

I mentally slap myself. “Ah, right. I got used to calling everyone by their first name out at Yamaku.” Evidently it also means I’ve lost touch with my manners.

“Damn, so you’re a certified bumpkin now.”

“I wouldn’t go that far. There’s still a city a short bus ride away, but Yamaku is in a nice secluded area with …” We finally settle into a rhythm of small talk that feels almost natural. The game quickly becomes background noise to the conversation until it eventually wants us to pay for more lives.

We head back to our table and share the lunch my mom packed. She must put some of her absentee-parent guilt into making these things because it’s both delicious and far too much for one person.

After we finish lunch, Takumi and I hit a few more games. We try some of the new cabinets - a couple shooters, a few rhythm games, and a weird puzzle game with octopi and nets - but mostly we stick to our old favorites.

The longer we play the more normal everything feels; like the past few months hadn’t even happened. It’s a nice reprieve from the shitstorm that’s been hanging over me since… well, since the crash.

It’s odd. It feels like the crash changed everything just like my first heart attack did. But a few days ago I had already started to think things were making sense again - like they did in the years before the attack. Emi and I even managed to find a rhythm despite the tension looming over us. Yet there’s this uneasy feeling like I’m right back where I was for all those months in that hospital room.

But that can’t be true. Can it? I mean, I’m not pushing everyone away and escaping into books for one. Hell, if that was my coping mechanism then it must mean something if I’m not reading much right now. Secondly I’m reforging those very bonds I broke all that time ago. So why? Why does something just not feel right?

Another hour passes and we decide it’s a good time to call it for today since we both have things to get to.

“Hisao?” Takumi stops me before splitting off and a hint of the serious tone from earlier is back.

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad you’re back. Even if I’m still mad at you.”

“I’ll do what I can to try and make it up to you all. Thanks for giving me a second chance.”

“I’ll do my best to make it up to you as well.”

“Huh?”

“Friendship is a two way street. We closed both directions of that road.” Takumi pauses to stretch, then turns away and waves. “Anyways, see you around.”

“Yeah, see you,” I say lamely, waving at his rapidly departing back.

I’m glad he left when he did because I have no idea what to say to that. Friendship is a two way street. We closed both directions of that road.

Something about that resonates with me and not in a good way. He’s definitely correct though, I think as I walk back to my house. The road to normalcy is gonna be a long one but it seems like my friends want to take it with me and that gives me hope.

I’d like to drive with the lights on so I can see where I’m going and I resolve to talk to Mai soon to get the rest of the story. I send her a text, then set my phone aside and get my books out. It might be summer break but no one told Mutou that…

---

[StealthyWolf]

Part 1 Part 2 (this post) Part 3

---

Some time later, my phone buzzes twice - a text. I flip it open, surprised to see the time. I peek out the window to double-check and sure enough, I’ve been studying for three hours.

Usually, it’s hard for me to stay focused that long. Interruptions, getting stuck, or just biological needs distract me but today, I guess I needed to focus on something other than the chaos of my life.

God knows I needed the break because I'm about to dive back into it: Mai texted me back.

Mai: ‘hey, just got the msg. im free to talk
now if you want.’

Me: ‘sure, just finished studying and need a
break. where to?’

Mai: ‘you stayin in 4 dinner or can we hit
sumthin up?’

The fact that my parents haven’t said anything to me about dinner means they’re probably working late tonight.

Me: ‘seems like ill be free.’

Mai: ‘coolio, ill swing by then!’

Me: ‘got someplace in mind?’

Mai: ‘found a new place. good curry.’

Don’t overthink that last message, Hisao. Don’t do it.

The vow lasts about a nano-second. Why doesn’t she want to bring me to Mori’s? Is she hoping that neutral ground will be more, well, neutral? Does she think we’re less likely to argue in an unfamiliar, public place? Are her parents mad at me?

Wait - it’s Thursday. Mori’s is closed on Thursdays and Mai probably doesn’t want to make a mess. I’m definitely overthinking it. Unless I screw something up we’ll probably be able to go later in the week.

I've got about 20 minutes before she gets here and I'll be damned if I spend them worrying. I get up, then leave my room and start drifting through the silent, empty house I grew up in, nothing disturbing the atmosphere beyond my own influence.

I don’t know when, but at some point being alone in this house became... disturbing to me, like seeing someone enjoying themselves at a funeral. After that, it was better to be anywhere other than here, which led to my late-night escapades.

I wasn’t sure why until now, when I can see all the changes my parents have made in my absence. There are memories on every wall and shelf: pictures of us at the aquarium when I was little and some from the family trip with Mom’s sister and my cousins from a few years ago, or the award I got from a festival back in Primary school for my science project. Speaking of that, there’s even a few of the paintings I made from back then on the walls. On another shelf I saw a couple of clay mugs I made from around that time being used to hold an array of pens, pencils, and markers.

And it’s not just the decor that’s changed. In the kitchen there’s utensils and other implements littered throughout instead of hiding away in storage, and a full sink of clean dishes waiting to be put away.

Just about every room has some unique piece of the puzzle that is our lives here. You can almost piece together our history, just by looking closely.

And I think that’s the problem: the place was supposed to be a home - it was supposed to be lived in - but back then it felt empty of any evidence of the people who actually lived there, like a house staged for sale. Back then, we were just rattling around inside it until I got tired of the echoing emptiness and had to get out.

I was worried it was going to feel the same now as it did BY but instead the house is a shrine to the life I haven’t had in a long time, to the life I can’t go back to, even if it hadn’t been for my heart attack.

Honestly, I can’t tell which is worse.

It all just feels so… foreign. I grew up in this house, but I didn’t grow up here.

It’s barely home.

It’s stuffily nostalgic in all the worst ways and, thankfully, my growing anxiety is washed away when I walk into the living room and finally feel like I’ve found one other place besides my room that still looks the same.

Dad used to spend all day on that old console next to the television when Mom wasn’t watching her shows and staining the table with her coffee mugs. He must’ve given up on trying to get Mom to use a coaster there since a few new rings paint his end as well. By the looks of it, she at least still uses them everywhere else.

Dad must still read the newspaper too since one’s folded up by his seat, despite knowing it’s all on TV by now. Maybe I can blame him for the ability to get lost in reading so easily. Would that have ever happened without the hospital stay?

Mom’s chair, on the other hand, has a more modern partner nearby: her laptop. Then again, calling that dinosaur ‘modern’ is pretty generous. She’s fine with it though, so it’s not my place to complain. Plus it makes me nostalgic all the same.

I wonder if she still uses this thing for work, transporting documents back and forth or whatever. I still don’t really care to ask.

What I do care about, however, are the browser games she let me play when she wasn’t using it or while she was away. Of course, there were always a couple ground rules I had to make sure to follow.

One: don’t touch her tabs, programs, et cetera. And two: never download anything. So long as I never did either of those things - and get caught - I was golden.

May as well take a moment to see if I remember any of those old websites since Mai is probably still a ways out.

And maybe do a bit of snooping - for old times’ sake.

Unsurprisingly, the web browser is running with nearly a dozen tabs open. Those ones look like emails… Those ones I shouldn’t mess with… There’s a homepage for the Tokyo Tower visitor’s center open - which is weird… Then there’s a tab with advice on helping someone with broken ribs heal and another for concussions… There’s also a couple that are just looking up interesting recipes. Looks like she has been doing more cooking after all. When did that start?

Towards the end of my quick scan I see two tabs that stand out. The first one is an article and its title reads: ‘Dealing with Disfigurement, Life in Japan in the 21st Century!’ I recall last night and grit my teeth, but my curiosity wins and I start scrolling.

There’s mentions of what conditions can be hidden well, how to hide them, hairstyles to cover parts of the face, appropriate clothing for covering “typically bare” skin in a strangely wide variety of settings making me wonder if it’s secretly just a fashion strip, but it continues with outfits that make missing limbs less obvious, ways to hide the need to use a wheelchair or crutches (it was getting really liberal there), and on and on it goes. Everything from lifestyle changes to excuses to not participate in certain activities. It has everything.

And it makes me sick. I finally reach a section labeled: ‘Internal Disabilities That are Easy to Hide!’ and stop reading. I don’t want to even look at this thing anymore. I’m about to click away when I spot something else: the page is bookmarked.

I click on the last remaining tab, a search page reading: ‘Will dating a disabled girl hurt my son?’

I slam the laptop shut and toss it back onto the coffee table, spilling knick knacks to the floor. If something broke, I don’t care. I need to get out of here.

I blink and a moment later, I’m in the front hall, fumbling with my shoelaces. I go to stand up and lose my balance. The world spins, but only for a second. The dizzy spell only serves to piss me off even more.

I’ve got my phone, my wallet, I'm tempted to leave the door unlocked but relent and grab keys, then I throw open the door.

And almost walk into Mai’s fist. She’s standing on the doormat, hand outstretched to knock, her mouth in a perfect “o”.

“Hisao?! Hi. How did you - were you heading out?”

I give a grunt of assent and belatedly remember our dinner date. “Needed a walk. I’m still good to get dinner.”

“I’ll, uh, lead the way then.”

I grunt again and we’re off. I quickly pass Mai, who has to half-jog to keep her lead. I try to focus on the discomfort the quick pace brings, but it doesn't do much to distract.

What the hell? I mean seriously, what the hell was with all of-

“Hisao!” I crash right into Mai, who stopped at some point.

While we recover, we glare at each other, then Mai looks away. She opens her mouth, closes it again, then looks at me. “Are you… mad at me?”

This is twice in as many days I’ve seen her nervous like this and it shocks me. With effort, I unclench my fists. “No. It’s my parents, they just… Ugh.” Evidently we’re already quite a ways from my house, based on the surroundings.

Mai lets out a long, slow breath. Her worries fade, while mine only fester. Her relief is quickly replaced with sympathy. “Want to talk about it?”

“Mhm. Are we getting close? I’m getting hungry.” Mai accepts the bland deflection with a nod but says nothing as she leads the way again - this time at a much more reasonable pace.

What was with those damn tabs? Does Mom really think Emi is going to be a bad influence on me, a block on my social life? Of all the people in my life, she’s made the biggest impact in the shortest time, not to mention the simple fact that she is my girlfriend. I doubt Mom tried searching “will dating the popular girl with good grades hurt my son?” after learning about Iwanako.

They told me about Yamaku after the deal was already done and now they’re trying to dictate who I date?

So what if Emi’s missing her damn legs? It’s never slowed her down. I barely even register it now especially when she takes care to avoid infections, and if her knee hadn’t just been hurt they might not have even known until they saw her in her blades or something.

Then there’s that comment last night, about knowing it was a possibility - whatever that means - when they signed me up for Yamaku. This entire thing is ridiculous.

I’ll be the first to admit that sending me to Yamaku was probably the best choice, but I would’ve still liked to have been part of the damn conversation before my bags were packed for me and the deal was done.

It was the first time in a long time that they had made such a big decision for me and the direction of my life. Ever since they got their new positions and weren’t home so often I had to be independent, and they let me; even the decision of where and if I went to high school was completely mine. They never even tried to sway me in any direction, and now I don’t even get a say in who I date? “Assholes.”

Mai glances over to me, now matching my speed instead of keeping her distance ahead of me. “You sure you don’t want to talk about it yet?”

I sigh and rub the back of my head. “Not right now. Maybe later.”

“So whatever’s bothering you right now is different from what you wanted to talk about?”

I nod.

“Well, if you’re not ready to talk about those ‘assholes,’ are you gonna tell me what we’re really here to talk about?”

“I was thinking about telling you only in code, make you work for it.” Mai rolls her eyes at me. I smile a little. “I will, yeah. When we get there. Speaking of ‘there,’ you seem to have a destination in mind.”

“Yep. New curry place just opened a few months back. You’ve gotta try it.” So definitely not her family’s restaurant. She throws her arms up, stretches, then rests the back of her head into her hands.

“Curry? Just curry?”

“They obviously have more than curry, jackass, but their curry is the only thing that’s worth anything, and it’s really good. I could eat a whole pot given the opportunity.” I don’t doubt that, regardless of the taste. “Oh, and don’t worry: they have plenty of variety when it comes to the curry.”

“I know a few people that’d get along with you when it comes to food,” I say with a smile. My first thought was naturally Emi, whose appreciation for food might rival Mai’s, but I can also see Mai and Misha having a lot to talk about on the dessert front. I'm sure Misha has other interests than parfait but until Shizune stops giving me the cold shoulder, I won't ever know.

“Food’s great.” Mai turns to me with a wide grin. “Hope they have a fresh batch prepared.”

“I don’t get how you all manage to eat so much, yet stay so thin. It’s weird.”

“All of these people you know, girls?”

“Yep.”

“There you go.”

“That makes no sense.”

“Cause you’re a boy.”

“That doesn’t help.”

Mai smiles cheekily at me. She’s won this conversation without even needing to say anything of substance. Try as I might, a woman’s mind is as incomprehensible as ever. The thought makes me laugh.

“You know, it’s weird seeing you smile so much,” Her tone freezes me and I’m shocked to see how old worry makes her seem.

“You can tell a difference? We’ve hung out for two hours since I’ve been back and we argued for half of that,” I reply with as much levity as I can muster. “Besides, I’m pretty sure I smiled plenty BY.”

That gets her attention. “BY?”

“Never-mind.”

Mai squints at me for a moment, then shakes her head. “Anyways, I mean real smiles, Hisao. You smiled a lot, sure, but you didn’t seem happy, you know?”

I had the exact same thought about Emi recently. Was I really like that back then? “So you’re saying I was never really… honest back then?”

Mai hesitates before answering, “I don’t know if that’s how I’d describe it, but sure. You were pretty damn reclusive in many ways. I saw your ‘real’ smile a few times, but not often.”

“What’s got you all nostalgic?”

“Just missed your ass, I guess.”

“I have been told it’s pretty nice, been working on it too.” I half turn towards her and shake my hips a little; nothing really moves.

“Screw off.” Mai shoves me lightly and I take a few dramatic, stumbling steps forward. “The place is right up there. Let's get some grub.”

It’s a nice little cafe. Nothing too special and definitely less spacious than The Shanghai, but it makes up for it by feeling cozy and comfortable in its own way. The lack of a neurotic librarian working as the waitress also helps a lot.

The waitress leads us to our booth and leaves us to browse the menu. I glance at mine, but before I can read anything Mai jumps in. “You need to try the Katsu Curry.”

“Do I? Is it gonna change my life or something?”

“It might. I don’t know what they do differently here, but it’s fucking amazing - especially the breading. It’s just…” Mai basks in the memory, then gives a chef’s kiss. “Mmawh.”

I shrug and set the menu down. “Sure then. What are you getting?”

“Half of your plate because I am not missing out on that, and then I’m gonna try their Hamburg Curry. Shin had some last time we were here and the smell made my mouth water.”

“So it’s still only my food you steal then.” I raise an incredulous eyebrow at her. She promptly shrugs it off.

Mai scans the menu one last time, perhaps to plan the next visit. “I’ll give you a quarter of my plate.”

“That math ain’t adding up.”

Mai is saved by the bell when the waitress comes back to take our orders. After I place my order I take a moment to look around the restaurant while Mai puts hers in.

It’s traditional in every sense down to the style of chair, meaning we’re sitting on cushions with backrests on the ground. Beyond that the booths are separated by intricately detailed wood paneling that are decorated with busy plantlife or other arts and crafts. The lighting keeps the darker red palette from becoming overbearing, lending more to a comforting feel than anything. As a bonus, there’s decent sound dampening thanks to the noisy decor.

Mai finishes placing her order and turns to me, apparently stuck on my choice of drink. “Sakura strawberry tea?”

“Been trying a range of new drinks and haven’t tried one like this before. Plus it reminds me of Emi so I decided to roll with it.”

“Right…” It sounds like she’s preparing herself for the serious part of this talk. I’d rather wait, so I’ll let her lead.

It isn’t long until the waitress returns to drop off our drinks, which prompts Mai to start. “So, you about ready to tell me what’s been eating at you?”

I take a sip of my tea - which is pretty good actually - then take a second to gather myself before looking at Mai. “What happened here after I… left? I talked with Takumi this morning and he dodged the subject as best he could. From the little bits he did tell me, I know it wasn’t great.” Not to mention last night it was like we were all talking about ‘he who shall not be named’ with this situation.

She clutches her cup and stares at the table. “Dammit Takumi…”

“I practically forced him to tell me and didn’t get much for it: he kept saying I should talk to you. The only reason I got anything from him was because he wanted to know my interest in Iwanako.”

“In Iwanako? Why…” Mai raises an eyebrow.

“I, uh.”

“He has a crush on her, doesn’t he?”

I nod. No sense in trying to hide it now. “I thought if anyone knew, it’d be you.”

Mai shrugs. “I could’ve guessed.”

“Mind not telling her?”

“I’m sure I can hold my tongue.” She smiles sardonically, then takes a sip of her drink. When she puts it down, she’s all business again. “How much do you know?”

What was that all about? Later. “Not much. Just that, of all her old friends, Fushiharu is the only one who stuck around besides u- you guys.”

She sighs. “Truth is, Hisao, class is full of selfish assholes and jerks. I already knew that, of course, but now it’s an actual issue rather than just an observation. After your attack…”

Mai doesn’t continue for a few seconds so I finish the thought. “They went after Iwanako?” My class wasn't exactly the friendliest but I still can't imagine them bullying someone, least of all someone as popular as Iwanako. I mean what the hell?

Mai scoffs. “Not just her, and not at first. For all of three days they faked being concerned about you. Then the class project was done and it became clear that you were gonna be out of the picture for a while, so Konishi and his gang of ass-hats started making snide remarks about your attack, most of them aimed at Iwanako,” she says through gritted teeth.

Tesshin Konishi. We ran in completely different circles most of the time, but I never thought he was a bully. He was more in line with the stereotypical jock crowd. His sport was soccer, which he always took so seriously that we didn’t play with each other often.

Yet, somehow I’m not surprised it would be him to lead the charge. He could never stand on his own two feet; he always had to be above someone else, even if it was in the smallest way possible.

Mai continues, “’Nako tried to tell him off early on… It didn’t go well. She was popular, sure, but he was the star of the damn soccer team. People quickly fell in line like the rats they are. First it was notes on her desk, writing on her locker, snickering in the hallways, you know, bullshit like that; trying to get on the prick’s good side.”

She went through all that defending me. I bet it wouldn’t have taken much to throw me or my friends under the bus, but she clearly didn’t; Mai wouldn’t have forgiven her if she had. She went through that, all the while…

My knuckles are white around the mug of tepid tea about which I've completely forgotten. With an effort, I unknot them.“It got worse?” I ask lamely.

“Much. Fuckers went too far.” Mai’s hands start shaking as she tells the story. “All it took was three weeks for everyone’s true colors to shine. By then it was already down to Kai. People would walk by and call Iwanako a heart-beaker, or poison, or witch, or grim reaper, or any number of dumb-ass names they could come up with. Kai stuck up for her and I’ll give her credit: girl knows how to bite back - but she couldn’t be around ‘Nako all day. It was worse for her when she was alone - not that she’s ever told anyone the full scope of what was going on. We knew it was bad though.”

All that time, while I thought I was in hell, Iwanako was actually there. Suffering. At least she wasn’t alone. “So you guys tried hanging out with her more?”

“Key word: tried. Sometimes us being around didn’t help at all. Hell, it could even make it worse because we were the cripple’s-... friends. I mean, something just had to be wrong with us too.” I wince after hearing that word. She looks up at me with a pained expression and simmers down a little. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“Keep going, it’s fine.” Why was it such a big deal now compared to when Shin said it last night? Maybe it's the aggression in her voice.

Mai hesitates, then nods. “Well, it wasn’t sunshine and daisies the rest of us either. Not as bad as it was for ‘Nako, but not great. We found out pretty quickly that even outcasts can somehow feel cut off from the crowd. People would whisper as we walked through the halls, snicker whenever the teacher would call on us, and it became a ghost town whenever we tried to join in any of the normal projects and schoolwork.”

The flash of anger comes back with a burning passion and I sit up. “What the hell was the school doing? How could they allow that?”

Mai shrugs. “What could they do? Until it got physical they couldn’t do shit. Even then it’s one voice or maybe a couple versus dozens, so unless they saw anything themselves…” The waitress returns with two bowls of mouth-watering curry and a couple cups of fresh green tea. We thank her and return to our conversation. “Besides, you know how geezers are with that shit.”

“So… it did get physical?”

Mai sighs, and blows on her curry a few times. “Eventually. About six weeks after your attack, ‘Nako came to us with a nasty scratch on her arm that even she couldn’t hide. An ‘accident’ courtesy of the bitch clique that rode Konishi’s dick.” That was just around the time she stopped visiting me… “Turns out, the little shit was there when it happened. Virtually orchestrated the entire damn thing. When Shin found out, he called Kazune out in the middle of class. Walked right up to him and called him ‘a coward and a pussy,’ which must’ve struck a nerve cause Konishi swung at him.”

“Shin? Our Shin did that in the middle of class?” Out of everything she’s said so far, this is what finally makes my jaw hit the floor.

Mai snickers. It isn’t much, but it eases the tension momentarily. “Yeah. Wish I could’ve been there for it. Takumi was walking by when it happened, so that’s how I got the story.”

Shin’s only ever been confrontational with people he’s close to, like us or his older brother. I never thought he’d make a scene in the middle of class. I missed a lot. “So what happened?”

“Well, Shin didn’t fight back. Took blow after blow like a champ, so the teachers had no choice but to admit Konishi was to blame. He ended up getting expelled - well, not really. From what I heard, his options were pretty much removal from the soccer team with months of detention, community service, and extra school-work or he could leave the school ‘voluntarily.’ He probably wanted to take his chance on getting into another team, so he left. Assholes still gave Shin a few weeks detention, community service, and a mark on his record for being ‘vulgar and disruptive.’ Tch-” Mai shoves some curry in her mouth and chews angrily. It must be good because she has a couple more spoonfuls and her edge softens up a little.

As for me, I’d lost any appetite I had. Thankfully, Mai finishes her bite then picks up where she left off. “After Konishi left it started to quiet down, but it took a good couple weeks. Since then we’ve been just the outcasts again. There’s still some whispers and no one really talks to us, but it gets better by the day, and no one bothers us anymore - well, besides a couple of Konishi’s girls, but even they had a fall from grace after someone snitched on ‘em for that scratch ‘Nako got.”

I watch the steam rise from the curry for a few seconds, hoping to find a good response to… all of that. “I… I had no idea.” Looks like there wasn’t one. Mai just shrugs and settles in to eat. Mechanically, I follow suit.

Mai was right when she picked this place: the curry is delicious and it restores my appetite. Sure enough, the breading is the winner of the dish. As I wolf down my food I wonder what else is on the menu since Mai didn’t give me the chance to look earlier.

I know she said the curry was the only thing good here, but the rest of the menu can’t be that bad, right? I’ll have to branch out next time.

Mai finishes before me and waits for me to finish eating to start talking again. She seems to have calmed down for the most part. “There’s more to the story, but that’s the gist of it. The story of assholes and freaks.” I get the idea she left out a lot of details. Those can come later if I need - or want - to hear them.

I toy with my spoon in the empty bowl. I feel like I should say something, but what do you even say to that? Sorry? If last night is any clue, Mai doesn’t want to hear me apologize. That sucks? Obviously. I… I don’t know.

Mai stretches and groans, then leans back. “If you want my opinion, I think Konishi was just jealous and spiteful. I’d bet 500 yen he had a crush on ‘Nako and couldn’t handle hearing she confessed to you over him. I even asked ‘Nako if he said something, but she said he didn’t. Not that she’d tell anyways.”

“You think he’d do all that over a rejection?”

“You don’t?”

Mai might have a point there. Konishi, even if he wasn’t a bully in the past, was always temperamental. I just wish my friends hadn’t been in his crosshairs when he finally cracked.

“We actually spent a fair bit of time over the next month after all that went down trying to figure out how to ease you back into the new scene. Soccer was out of the question for more than one obvious reason, normal schoolwork was tense, and we didn’t even know how the class would react to seeing you again, but the longer it took, the easier it became and our plans could be more lax.” Her shoulders slump and she leans on the table. “I guess it didn’t really matter in the end though.”

“Sorry again…” And here I am apologizing again anyway. “I should’ve at least called or something.”

“I told you last night, it’s our fault. We should’ve been visiting you to the end. If we had, we would’ve been in the loop.”

I lean back and stare at the roof for a couple seconds. “Takumi says friendships are a two way street, and we closed both directions.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“I think he just means there’s blame on both sides. I used to think what happened is my fault and you say you could have done more but he thinks - and I agree - that the truth is somewhere in the middle.” I make eye contact with Mai as I admit the last part. It still feels wrong to say that out loud - like I’m shirking my own responsibilities - but Takumi is probably right. We can’t all keep blaming ourselves for what happened and if it means we can move forward together I have to take that chance.

Mai slams the table, rattling the bowls and drawing stares from a couple other patrons. “How is that possible? You were bedridden, Hisao! I mean, fuck, you almost died! What could you have done?”

“Now’s not the time, Mai. I’m sure you’ve all thought of a million things I could’ve done differently. I know I did for you guys. We can say that we blame ourselves all we want, but we know Takumi is right.”

She exhales slowly, sinking back into herself. “Fine. I get it- I… know he’s right.” she says heavily. It’s not often that she can’t find a reason to keep an argument going. “It’s just hard, you know?”

“When everyone’s at fault?”

She nods.

“Yeah…” It’s really hard.

The tension doesn’t fade, but no one’s staring at us anymore at least. Then a smirk creeps its way onto Mai’ face. “Seems like you were holding back on us too, huh?”

“What?”

“Last night, with the whole screaming thing.”

“I’ve yelled around you guys before.”

“At arcade cabinets and video games; never at one of us though. I mean hell, you barely even argued with us outside of superficial crap. You sure they didn’t mix you up with another heartbroken kid at the hospital?”

I scratch the back of my neck, then shrug. “You think anyone else would be able to get their hair this perfect?”

“More like perfectly screwed up.” Mai starts laughing, and after fruitlessly battling that especially annoying clump of hair, I join in. My ribs quickly cut me off, so we calm down while I recover and settle into a much more comfortable silence.

Unfortunately it doesn’t last; Mai’s face suddenly drops into a sorrowful expression. “So ‘Nako really did send you that damned letter after all?” She picks up a stray piece of rice from her bowl and rolls it between her fingers.

“I take it you didn’t approve?”

“Course not. I tried telling her it was a bad idea. Sounded like a shitty break-up letter and you never dated in the first place so all it’d do was piss you off. Wasn’t my place to stop her though.” Mai sounds more disappointed than angry; a weird twist for her. She must care for Iwanako a great deal. As if I needed another reason to feel worse about this whole thing.

The first time I read the letter is not something I like to think back on and I gaze out the window. “Truth be told, it did piss me off - at first. I told her as much last night. However, over time I came to understand the letter in a new light. To her it meant closure, for the both of us. There was a lot I still didn’t accept about myself and what had happened, and a lot I still needed to come to terms with. Her letter helped.”

Mai just nods quietly. It’s unsettling. I expected her to argue a little more about the whole thing or at least say something, but clearly she’s changed a lot too.

Now that I finally know everything that happened, or at least a lot more of it, last night starts to make more sense. No wonder Shin would be so mad at me - I mean, he took a beating for my sake and what did he get in return? Silence. No thanks, or appreciative smile, or even an acknowledgment from me for anything. Sure, I may not have known about the fight in specific, but I damn well knew about his visits and what that meant for him. I need to make it up to him somehow.

I think Takumi and I are mending our relationship, though it’ll take time. He’s still got plenty of good reasons to be upset with me - most of them my fault, not to mention the Iwanako situation.

Speaking of, I wonder how that will go. I didn’t get the chance to talk to Iwanako about the others too much last night so it’s hard for me to gauge the situation as a whole.

Mai, however, is an enigma: she’s still on my side despite the many reasons she has to be just as upset at me as the others are, if not more upset. I really appreciate that she still cares about me and all, and I’m not sure how I would’ve handled every single one of my old friends being mad at me, but it’s still off-putting.

Worse still is the fact that I still don’t know exactly how to feel about the whole situation. On one hand I feel like I pushed them all away and shouldn’t expect them to have reached out first. On the other hand, I can't help but feel like Takumi is right. But is really it okay for me to put some blame on them?

Mai calls me back to reality. “So what was that about earlier, with your parents?” Then there’s that. For a few seconds I stare out the window, getting my thoughts in order.

The clouds don’t yield any answers, but I do spot a space-ship and a giant worm. I give up and decide to tell her about it matter-of-factly. I start by laying out the key events - my parents and Emi meeting at the hospital, the conversation I overheard last night, and the websites I found this morning. Mai listens quietly throughout, even when I reveal Emi's disability and my own frustration towards my parents. “...I think what bothers me the most is I have to deal with this condition for the rest of my life, and it seems like they don’t trust me too.”

Mai crosses her arms. “Have you tried looking at it from their perspective?”

I should have expected that kind of response from Mai but it gets my blood up regardless. “What, the perspective of ‘oh no my child’s a broken mess! I need to protect him by dictating how he lives his life and control every facet of it I can even though I left him on his own for the past five and a half years.’”

“That’s extreme and you know it.”

“Certainly doesn’t feel like that from where I’m sitting.”

“So what? Mommy and Daddy look something up and now your life is over?”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Good, because they never even mentioned it to you. Do they ask you for constant updates on your grades, reprimanding you when you fall short?”

“No, but-”

“Have they been asking for every little detail of your social life, who you’ve been talking to?”

“We haven’t-”

“Are they keeping tabs on you through your teachers or whatever staff they have at that school?”

“I don’t think so.”

“So what are you saying?”

“I don’t know, Mai! It’s just…” I can’t find the words to continue.

“Look, Hisao-” She hesitates, clearly debating on committing to whatever she’s about to say. “I know you don’t like thinking about it, but after what they went through with… you know-” She’s right, I really don’t want to think about that.

“Mai, don’t.” My voice cracks, but it still comes out as harsh as I’d hoped.

Mai recoils a little, then she takes the warning and puts her hands up in a calming gesture. “I just think… Try to think about how all of this has affected them too. It’ll help”

“I don’t see what that changes. You know them. They’ve barely been a part of my life for years now. Even after my first heart attack they kept themselves at a safe distance - but now, now these details matter? What’s changed? It doesn’t make sense.”

“Maybe ‘cause nothing has changed. Or maybe something has. Either way, you need to talk to them.”

“And say what?”

“Good question. You managed to finally talk to us though. Shit, you even made up with ‘Nako! Plus, I don’t know the details, but from the sounds of it you and your girl went through the ringer and came out on top. That’s at least two big things you’ve managed to talk your way through, so I think talking has proven to be a damn fine solution for you so far.” Mai doesn’t even hesitate as she speaks. She isn’t going to budge.

I cross my arms and lean on the back of the seat. “Talking seemed to do wonders for you and Shin last night.” I can taste the venom in my words as they leave my mouth; that definitely came out worse than I wanted.

Mai grits her teeth and turns away, glaring out the window. “That’s cause Shin’s an ass. Unrelated.”

“I didn’t mean-”

Mai waves away my guilty apology. “Doesn’t matter. Point is, I don’t see how you’re gonna do anything by sitting on your ass complaining. You need to talk to them.”

“I’ll think on it.”

She shrugs. “Good enough for me.”

“And what did you mean by thinking about it from their perspective?”

“I don’t know- but like, take a look around us - at what happened at school. People don’t take kindly to… err, disabled people.”

“Hello. I’m disabled.”

“No one can tell, you ass. Without that scar on your chest, no one would ever even know there was something… up with you.” That’s pretty much what I heard my parents say last night.

So what? Am I supposed to just act like there’s nothing wrong with me? “Doesn’t change my situation.”

Mai clutches her forehead for a moment. “This is why you need to talk with them: I don’t know what they are thinking and I am absolutely not your parent.”

“Certainly act like it sometimes.”

“You trying to get hit?”

“You had your chance last night, if I remember correctly.”

“I just didn’t want to… you know.”

“Give me a heart attack? I’m not made of glass. Just need to avoid hitting my chest - front and back; right now for more than one reason. Also probably don’t try to scare me or surprise me, basically anything that’ll suddenly cause a jolt in my heart-rate.”

“Well in that case…” Wait, didn’t I basically just give her permission to-

Mai lunges at the opportunity but stops short when I throw my hands up. “Wait, wait, wait! I have a concussion!”

“What?”

After I’m sure Mai actually has stopped her attack, I take a breath. “I got a minor-” My vision blurs a little. “...concussion from…” Then I lose my balance and sway in the chair. “...the crash.”

“Hisao?!” Mai scrambles out of her seat to my side of the table.

I hold one hand up to stop her while nursing my head. It's hot, but quickly cooling off. Whatever that was has already passed. “I’m good, just a little dizzy is all.”

“You sure I don’t need to do something, or call someone, or-”

“Really, Mai. I’m fine.” My vision returns to normal and the dizzy spell passes.

Mai rests on her knees but the frantic look in her eyes doesn’t go away. “If you’re sure… That wasn’t your arrhythmia, was it?”

“No, that was something else. Probably nothing. It’s been a long couple days.” The minute the words leave my mouth I realize just how exhausted I am.

Mai’s expression softens. “So you’re okay?”

“I’m okay.”

“Good.” Mai pulls me in for a quick, ginger hug. “Don’t scare me like that, dumb-ass.” Then she backs off completely and calls the waitress over to take the bill.

Mai insists on paying, calling dinner a welcome back gift. We start heading back to my place and after a few minutes Mai asks, “So, you got a plan yet?” When I don’t respond quick enough she adds, “Are you going to talk to your parents?”

“Probably. Just… not for a little while. I have an appointment with my doctor in a few days and I’m gonna be here for another two weeks so I might wait until closer to the end. I still want to enjoy the time I have here.”

“Expect it to go that badly?”

“Just want to have options if it does.” Last night could have gone better, for example.

“Just make sure you don’t wait too long.”

Speaking of last night… “That reminds me! I was thinking I should drag you all out to Yamaku for a day. See the town and introduce you guys to Emi.”

“All?”

“You, Shin, Takumi, and Iwanako. I want to introduce my girlfriend to my friends, and my friends to her.”

“You talk to ‘Nako about it?”

“First one I did. Emi liked the idea as well. Just need to run it by all of you now.”

“Well, unless we have a surprise round of early exams I don’t see an issue with it.”

“You’re telling me you actually study now?”

“Ass. I’d so hit you right now if it weren’t going to scramble your brain.”

Mai doesn’t slow down or stop to split off when we pass the usual point between my place and the bus stop to hers, and I’m pretty sure she didn’t move, so she must be walking me home.

For the duration of the walk we make small talk. Apparently Takumi didn’t show me Mai’s new favorites at the arcade so she promises to ‘beat my ass’ at them later. There’s a couple small updates with some vendors we used to frequent and other inconsequential changes in her day-to-day. Then she talks about progress at Mori’s and describes some of her new dishes. If we hadn't just eaten I would’ve asked her to make me a couple of them immediately.

In turn I share what classes and school-life at Yamaku looks like, what running with Emi’s been like, and some more of the interesting encounters I’ve had in my short time there. Mai has some particularly devious ideas to screw with Kenji after I talked about him. I almost feel bad for him. Almost.

When we reach my front door, I turn to her and give a sarcastic sigh. “That’s twice now I’ve been walked home by a girl instead of the other way around.”

“Your man card in danger or something?”

I shrug. “Just an observation.”

“So you’re complaining about two cute girls willing to walk you home?” She poses in a way wholly unfitting to her, down to the pout on her face.

I close my eyes and go into a ‘deep thought’ pose mostly to fight off a fit of laughter. “Even if I didn’t have a girlfriend, it’d still be my ex in one case, and two cute girls seems li-”

I have my arms up to block Mai’s threatened jab but she just tells me to screw off and storms away.

She gets to the end of the walkway, then turns back. “By the way, asshole, we’re doing karaoke tomorrow night. You’re invited. Be there.” Considering she didn’t say anything else, it’s probably at the usual place at the normal time. I’ll double check later.

“Uh… Okay? Thanks for the meal!”

With that, Mai leaves and I head back inside the house. Just as I left it.

Thought I was in for a marathon of a day, but it ended up being just a few short sprints. Well, that’s a little reductive; that was still pretty busy, and I am drained, but I was expecting a hell of a lot more. I mean, there’s still dinner tonight - if Mom and Dad can make it - but I won't bring up what I overheard unless they do.

Then again, I’m sure word has reached them about what happened in front of the house last night, so they’ll probably at minimum want to talk about that.

---

[StealthyWolf]

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 (This post)

---

Sleeping was evidently a futile effort last night. No matter what I did there was always something that ended up bothering me and it turned into a constant battle with myself.

I hate that Nurse and Emi are right about the importance of maintaining my routine, even through the vacation. I briefly contemplate hitting snooze when my alarm wakes me up - that is until, in the face of their imagined wrath, I drop the idea and roll out of bed, slowed by another dizzy spell.

Muscle memory guides me through my morning routine because I sure wasn’t awake enough to focus on it. The night was made up of equal parts tossing and turning and wondering whether my parents were talking about me while they thought I was sleeping. At some point I realized I never ate that meal Mom made for me again, so I made a mental note to remember to do so.

I leave my room and tense up when I hear my parents downstairs. That’s right. They start work late on Thursdays. They definitely had time to stay up and chat about me but I didn't hear them when I went to the bathroom at three in the morning.

A yawn takes hold as I wander down the stairs, stretching arms out above me, only to be reprimanded by my ribs. I rub my sides as Mom calls out, “Morning Hicchan!”

“Ack-” Too loud, too much pain. How many more weeks of this do I have? “Morning Mom, Dad.”

“You doing okay?” She looks up from scrubbing the last dish in the sink. Looks like she’s already done meal-prepping for the day. I didn’t smell anything being cooked earlier, so that probably means it isn’t any kind of soup, curry, or cooked meat. I must be hungry if I’m thinking this much about food. Maybe I’ll snag that leftover meal from yesterday after my walk.

I stop rubbing my chest to avoid any more attention. “Yeah, I’m fine.” How long did they say it takes to heal? Six to eight weeks or so. That’s… ugh.

I’m not sure I was that convincing because Mom frowns, then quickly catches herself and shifts to a forced smile. She tells me about the meals she made, I apologize for not yet eating the dinner from yesterday- or I guess two days ago at this point, Dad asks about school, Mom reminds me about the appointment on Sunday, then mentions that since they’ll both have that day off she was planning on us all going out for lunch afterwards and to keep the rest of the day free, and I carefully avoid mentioning the night before last or especially Emi. Surprisingly they don’t mention the shouting match with Mai and Shin. If they haven't heard about it, I won't tell them. Hopefully nobody else does either.

At some point I sat down, deciding that standing and talking for twenty minutes was a waste of energy, though I didn’t know it’d take that long and regrettably I never grabbed anything to eat. Just as I’m finally about to get back up Mom asks, “So have you thought about college yet?”

Entrance exams are looming right around the corner. Much of the upcoming trimester is going to be centered around exam prep, and by the end we’ll be neck deep in studying. Hell, this coming winter break is probably going to be dominated by studying, if the stories are anything to go off of. Maybe I should’ve been paying attention to the third years before now to prepare myself. In any case, it’s depressing to think about how short of a time we have left in the year before college, and how little of it will actually be time to ourselves. I silently make a pledge to myself to make the most of this Fall and Winter.

You never know when it’ll be your last.

My heart sinks. Like a shooting star in the corner of the eye, the dark thought pops into my mind and disappears before I even fully registered it was there in the first place.

Where did that come from?

I look up and Mom’s eyes are digging deep into my soul. Right, she’s waiting for an answer. “Not anywhere specific, but the idea of becoming a teacher has been bounced around. I’m even helping run the science club at school now.”

“How’s that going?”

“I’m still the only member, but from what my advisor was saying, we’ll probably have a few new members after summer break ends.”

“Well that’s good. So you're looking to teach science?”

“I’ve been considering teacher’s college. It doesn’t sound half-bad and I do well enough in the subject.” Plus it’s the easiest answer to give that’ll get us off this topic.

“Not interested in joining the field, doing research?” Dad asks, lowering his newspaper to peer at me.

“I haven’t ruled out the possibility, but my homeroom teacher thinks I’d be good at teaching if I gave it a shot. Might get the opportunity to try with the new members; I heard a couple of them are struggling in class.” Wait, did Mutou set this up from the beginning?

Between running, science club, and entrance exams this trimester is going to be a busy one. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

“Teaching doesn’t pay as well. Give research a thought; you can come back to teaching later, maybe at a university…” he thinks for a second then shrugs. “But it’s your decision.” Then he goes back to reading. I force some water into my mouth so I don't snap at him, so now it's my choice?

Mom finishes the last of her morning coffee and brings it to the kitchen. “Well, it’s that time. I better go get ready for work.” As she walks by I catch a whiff of lingering coffee. My soul aches. Maybe I should give decaf a try and hope the placebo effect gives me a helping hand…

Dad lifts a hand to wave. “I’ll be following shortly.”

Mom disappears into their room, so I take the opportunity to leave for my morning walk. “I’ll be heading out as well.”

“Stay safe, son.”

I figure my morning walks are as good a time as any to refamiliarize myself with the area. The more I walk, the more that comes back to me, though it doesn’t take much for it all to come back to me. It’s mostly an excuse to encourage myself to keep going. Since I won’t be able to run, at least doing this will keep my mind focussed on something else and not let me stop and think about the mountain of work on its way to my doorstep, or Emi’s leg, or my parents- Nope. Stop.

Where was I? Walking, yes. In fact, right around here should be…

“Hisao Nakai, is that you I see?” Mrs. Kuzuhara’s voice trills from the yard of a house nearby. Have I walked this far already?

“Mrs. Kuzuhara! Good to see you.” I give her a polite bow, or as much of one as my ribs permit, then look at her flower garden. It’s bright and colorful, like her traditional clothes. For some reason, the vision of her as some tropical bird sitting in a vibrant tree comes to mind.

Mrs. Kusuhara’s skinny arms strain with the effort of watering a planter box near the window of her house, which I've visited with Shin many times.

She gives a satisfied cluck, then sets the watering can down and peels off her gloves. She preens for a moment, straightening her clothes and dusting herself off before formally returning my bow. “Oh my, it’s been quite some time since I last saw you around here. Are you and my grandson fighting again?” I’m going to go out on a limb and guess he didn't mention my heart attack and move to Yamaku to her. This could get awkward…

Still, it’s weird how she still remembers that fight so clearly. How long has it been? Eight, no, nine years now? We haven’t had one that bad until this whole hospital situation.

Could this be considered a fight? I’m not sure. “No, no, nothing like that. In fact, I’m going to hang out with Shin tonight!”

“Well that’s good. Very good. You haven’t turned into one of those hikikomoris then, have you?” Mrs. Kuzuhara cocks her head at me and gives me a cautious side-eye, as if to warn me that there’s only one correct answer to the question.

“I don’t think my parents would let that happen even if I tried.” My pale complexion probably does very little to help make this a convincing argument. It’s temporary, I swear!

She laughs more than my weak joke deserves, which I don't mind. Her laugh is warbling and musical. “They’re quite the hard workers, those parents of yours. You should be glad to have them.”

I give a slight bow. “Thank you, and I do appreciate them for what they’ve done.” There’s a nagging sensation in the back of my mind that starts to take hold when I finish speaking. What’s with that?

“Very good. Very good.” Mrs. Kuzuhara chirps and turns to her plants smiling, satisfied by the outcome of the conversation and future of Japan - or something like that. Then she arches her eyebrows again and flicks back to me, scrutinizing the implications of my answer. “So where have you been then? I haven’t seen you in… oh, I don’t know, months? And that grandson of mine hasn’t been around as much lately either. I’ve barely seen him once a month since February!” Without me around he has very little reason to come to this part of town except to visit his grandmother. None of the others live particularly close to here so he’d have to go out of his way to see her.

Mrs. Kuzuhara clicks her tongue. “Honestly, that boy. I thought maybe he had finally found himself a girlfriend after turning so many away. He said he hadn’t, but I have my doubts! A young, healthy, handsome boy like him shouldn’t be so picky at his age!” If only she knew… What I’d give to see her reaction to Shin showing up with a guy on her steps. Not that he’d actually go through with that.

“Ah, well I’ve transferred schools so I’ve been out of town up until now. I’m on summer break right now since it starts a little later at Yamaku than here, so I still have a few weeks.”

“Yamaku? I’ve heard that name before. Isn’t that…” A look of concern and sadness sweeps over her. “Oh dear honey, why are you going to a place like that? You’re so young and healthy!”

What’s that supposed to mean? First of all, I’m not healthy. Guess Shin really did neglect to mention my near-death experience to her. Not that I’d expect that he would to her specifically, especially if he hasn’t been around as often, but still. The fact of the matter is I’m not healthy. And of course I’m young; it’s a high school after all. Then there’s the way she phrased it, a place like that. “I’m… not sure I understand.”

“Oh you know. That school has a reputation, and the people that go there…” Mrs Kuzuhara trails off, and the look of sadness takes on an inflection closer to… disgust? Disapproval? Apathy? Something I don’t like. “You don’t belong there, dear.” That cautious side-eye comes back, but with more aggression this time.

I grit my teeth, but try to put on a smile. “Actually, it was quite necessary for me to go there. I had a heart attack earlier in the year so the medical facilities and staff they have on campus are quite essential for me to recover and adjust.”

“Eh? But you’re so young!”

I shrug. How much do I want to tell a relative stranger? “I have a congenital condition that weakens my heart. It means I could have a heart attack if I’m not careful so I’m at Yamaku preparing myself to deal with it.”

“Oh. I see…” There’s a new air of superiority coming off of her. Like a hawk deciding if I’m a meal worth diving for. It’s the same look from earlier, minus any hint of sadness. Why the hell are you looking at me like that?

“Well, I better get going. Have a nice day Mrs. Kuzuhara!” I bow and turn before I face her again.

“Take it easy, sonny.” There’s an edge to her voice: disapproval. I’ve heard it leveled at Shin, typically when the topic of girls and why he's hasn't gotten one comes up. It’s weird to hear it directed at me.

What’s there to disapprove of though? Does she dislike me, or the school, or the idea of a place for kids like me to gather and go to school, or what happened to me, or… what? No matter what it is, why should she have a right to have an opinion like that? All we are doing- all anyone is doing at Yamaku is trying to live life the best we can. It’s not ‘a place like that’ or ‘that school.’ It’s just Yamaku; a high school for kids less lucky than others. It’s not like I asked for my heart to be weaker than others. Emi didn’t ask to lose her legs. Shizune didn’t ask to be deaf and mute, or Lilly be blind, or anyone there with anything they have.

Why the hell is it her business. Why the hell do my parents care who I date? This is stupid. I-

“Hisao?” I look up and around, then I spot Shin across the street.

“Oh-... hey.”

He looks both ways, then crosses. “What’s… up man?”

“Just on a walk, gotta keep an exercise routine going even if I can’t run for now.”

“Ah. You okay? You seem…” He doesn’t finish the sentence but I can imagine what he sees - me, fists bunched, walking quickly down the street, with a hardly suppressed aggressive tone - and I can finish it for him: Pissed off.

I’m not interested in having another talk about my feelings though so I unclench myself and lie. “I’m fine. What are you doing here?”

The look in his eyes tells me my deflection technique needs some work. “Just figured I’d visit Grams since I was in the neighborhood. Been a little while.”

“Yeah, that’s what she was saying -” I’m not able to hide the sharpness in my voice “ -that you aren’t around enough.”

Shin’s face drops. “Oh. You talked to her, huh?”

“Yep. Seems she doesn’t approve of my school.”

“Hisao, I-”

“Gotta finish my walk. See you at Karaoke?”

“Yeah… I’ll be there.”

“Cool, see you then.” I walk away. Eventually I hear his footsteps pick up in the opposite direction. I really need to cool down.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

My chest hurts as my breathing picks up, but I’m already fifteen minutes late and can’t afford to waste another minute. Besides, it’s clearly my ribs acting up and not my heart so I’m fine. My phone buzzes from my pocket. Mai.

Mai: ‘wru?’

Me: ‘alnost therf. dozed off while readhng.
sorsy.’

Mai: ‘whered you learn to txt?’
Mai: ‘And hry up slowpoke. i hope you dont
make ur girl wait like this all the time.’
Mai: ‘and reading? on a friday? nerd.’

Me: ‘leasu im not holed up watciing cartoons
all day.’
Me: ‘geek.’

I slip the phone back into my pocket and round the final corner. There it is. I speed through the entrance. Mai said we got the usual room, which means it’s the one in the farthest corner over there… I wave to the girl at the front desk and tell her what room I’m in. She sends me off to go join them and I wonder if she still recognizes me from way back then. Is it weird that I recognized her? I guess for me it’s just one or two faces at that desk, while they see dozens or hundreds a day.

When I get to the room the five of them are already in the swing of things. In fact, Iwanako and Takumi are mid-song, much to Fushiharu’s delight. I give Mai a wave as I close the door behind me. Shin nods, then Mai gives me an enthusiastic wave back. Iwanako and Takumi were so focused on singing they hadn’t seen me until Mai waved. Takumi’s singing is suddenly even more off key and out of tune than before.

They’re singing some American pop song from the eighties in America. My limited English and memory tell me it’s about a stalker and always being watched - I think. Interesting choice, but neither of them manage to hit the high notes. I take a seat at the end of the bench on the far side next to Mai. Next to her is Fushiharu, and with enough space for the other two is a gap with Shin on the other side.

Iwanako and Takumi finish the song never getting back in sync with each other, and Iwanako’s face grows more red the longer it goes on. Takumi doesn’t fare much better, growing more and more embarrassed while doing his best to match Iwanako’s speed and tone, only to correct himself back to the original song, only to try all over again - all the while being off key himself.

Finally the last round of the chorus starts to fade into a quiet nothing as the song ends, and the four of us clap when it’s over. Fushiharu leaps up. “That was A-MAZ-ING ‘Nako! You two killed it!”

Mai shakes her head with a smirk as Fushiharu talks, and I smile a little as well. Then Fushiharu suddenly grabs my hand and looks at me with wide, energetic eyes. “New kid! Let’s go.”

Wait- new kid? Me? “Wait- you and I?”

“Yes. Now. Let’s go! I have the perfect song!” Her wild giggle and teasing lilt make me feel like I’m in a horror movie, seconds away from a premeditated murder. She bounds towards the stage, and I have to hurry to keep her from ripping my arm out of its socket. For a shrimp, she’s really strong.

I look over to Mai, begging for any clue as to what I’m getting into, but she gives me a halfhearted shrug as she welcomes Iwanako back onto the bench. Guess I’m on my own. “Uhh… okay?”

Iwanako gives me a look somewhere between an apology and concern as she sits down. Once she’s certain I won't make a break for it, Fushiharu releases me to tap rapidly on the keyboard. I recognize the song the moment it starts - as do most of the others. Their eyes widen and Iwanako goes pale.

Either Fushiharu has some sick, twisted sense of humor or is oblivious to the situation. From the look on her face, it’s the former. She sings quietly to herself as she straightens up and shoves a mic at me, “This is gonna be awesome~!”

If I wasn’t uncomfortable in every way right now I might’ve laughed at this. I mean, it is kinda funny. Just weird. The first lyrics appear on the screen. Too late to back out now… I hope my English is better than my grades suggest.

“Every night in my dreams...”

Artist: GloristicArt. Found here or here.

Once the others see me playing along with the song choice they relax. That includes Shin, who does a double-take midway through the third verse when he finally catches on to what we’re singing. By then, everyone is cheering me on and he joins them as I try my best, which isn’t very good.

Fushiharu, on the other hand, definitely enjoys singing and rightly so: she’s good. Like, really good. She clearly knew the lyrics - her eyes were shut half the time - and her pronunciation was excellent. I was definitely the weak link in our duet.

When the song ends Shin is finally on the same page as everyone else and joins in the boisterous laughter, then he and Mai take the stage as Fushiharu and I sit down. She leans towards me using the now open gap on the bench. “You pass!”

I clutch the side of my chest as the pinpricks skitter from side to side. Looks like I won’t be singing too much tonight. “I pass? I didn’t know I was taking a test.”

She shrugs. “If you were still a downer I might’ve had to kick your butt for ‘Nako’s sake.” The look on my face must’ve been exactly what she was looking for because she erupts into a fit of laughter that distracts everyone in the room for a moment.

Fushiharu offers her hand. “Kai Fushiharu, nice to meetcha! Call me Kai. ‘Nako’s best friend for ten years running.”

Just like I remember, everything about her is weird. I take her hand in for a quick shake. “Hisao Nakai. Uhh, kid with the broken heart?”

She bursts into another loud fit of laughter; I get the feeling she and Misha might get along well if they ever meet, but anyone near them would probably rush to find some hearing protection. “I like you, kid!”

“Aren’t we the same age?!”

She shrugs and turns back to the stage as the speakers start playing.

Most of the songs the others pick are normal - and Japanese - for the most part. At one point Fushiharu - I mean Kai - managed to pull Iwanako into another… unique… song choice. Another song from the states, it was bolder than the last: “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” by names I don’t recognize and can barely read. I know the song though and even Shin realized what was going on immediately this time. It took some convincing to get Iwanako to go through with singing it, but Kai seems to manage her pretty well. Of course, Kai took the lead half of the chorus and had Iwanako singing the “your” half. I don’t think she ever made eye contact, or even so much as looked at me until long after the song was over.

We buy some snacks at the front desk and pay for another hour. Twenty minutes into it, my phone buzzes. A text message, probably from Emi.

I lean over to Mai as Shin and Takumi belt out some popular song that I think might be from an anime, but maybe not. “Hey, mind if I step out for like five to ten minutes? Need to call someone.”

“That’s fine. Everything good?”

“Yeah, just gonna talk to Emi.”

“Awww!” Kai cups her cheeks.

Mai waves me away, “Then get out there! Though, there might not be any snacks left when you get back.”

“I’ll grab some more on my way back,” I promise.

“Have fun!” She winks as I stand up. I shake my head in response. Not even going to try to think about whatever she was implying there.

I close the door behind me and check my watch. I’d forgotten to text Emi to let her know I'd be busy at our usual time… but it’s not time yet. I quickly pull my phone out to confirm that it is a message from her: ‘can you talk?’ That’s ominous. Why is she messaging early?

I pick up the pace and step outside and immediately call her. She picks up right away.

“Is everything alright?”

For a moment, there’s no response. Then grunting comes through the other end. It sounds like she’s in pain. “...Emi, is everything alright?” I repeat more urgently.

“Y-Yeah. I’m fine, Hisao… It’s just that… my legs… hurt. Needed a distract-ion.”

“From the crash? Are you okay? I can-”

“No, Hisao.” She takes a deep breath. “I mean… my ankles are really stiff right now, I can feel my feet- cramping very intensely, and my shins burn from top to bottom.”

“What? But-… oh.”

“Yeah.” Emi takes a sharp breath in, then releases it slowly with some shakiness. I quietly do the same to calm my own nerves. It doesn’t take long before the pounding in my ears settles.

“Is there anything I can do?” I ask.

“Not-... really. But you don’t need to- to worry about me. I’m fine.”

“How long does it usually last?”

“Only a few minutes. Sometimes longer, sometimes shorter. It's been-… a really, really long time since I had it this bad.” She laughs bitterly. I want to be there with her. I know I can’t stop it, but if I was at least there maybe I could do something - anything.

Emi shouldn’t have to face this alone. “I’m sorry I can’t be there.”

“Honestly Hi- Hisao. I’m fine. Been through much worse, remember? Talking’s nice though.” I want to say something, but I don’t know what to do. Is there anything I can do to help? “Hey, Hisao?”

“Yeah?”

“You mentioned that you… forgot to mention something earlier. You busy?”

“Just at karaoke with my friends out here.”

“Ah, sorry. If you need to get back-”

“I’m free to talk.”

“You sure?”

“Absolutely. I can’t even sing too much thanks to my ribs so this is a relief honestly. Fushi- Kai has an interesting taste in music and a strange sense of humor…” I fill Emi in on the nights’ events. As we talk, Emi’s voice becomes less tense, though she still sounds tired on the few occasions she speaks.

After telling her about karaoke I talk about the morning; the boring talk with my parents, how my walk went, and reading afterwards. I leave out Mrs. Kuzuhara’s less tasteful opinions on the school, but mention running into her and then Shin himself. I really don’t have much more to say about the day so I just talk about it for the sake of talking since it seems to help her.

Eventually Emi cuts in. “We’ve been talking for a while. Don’t want to keep your friends waiting. Thanks for talking to me, Hisao!”

“You sure you’re fine? I don’t mind talking for longer.”

“Hisao, don’t be an ass to your friends. You’re there to have fun, not talk on the phone with your girlfriend.”

“I can do both.”

“Be an ass and talk to your girlfriend? Yeah, that’s the point!”

“That’s not what I-”

“Talk to you later. Love you!”

“Wait I-” The phone beeps in my ear. She hung up on me! I guess it has been a little over ten minutes already, so I probably should get back. I text Emi:

Me: ‘love you too’

Then close my phone.

A shiver runs down my spine as I head towards the building. Something about the way that conversation ended was off. I’m missing something. She seemed to be in a rush to end the call, and her voice was a little… sharp? Was it shaky or something? I’m not sure - it didn’t feel right though. Whatever it was, I don’t think it had to do with the phantom limb pain. Maybe I should…

“You good dude?” Shin’s walking out of the door. I hadn’t even heard it open.

My hand is frozen halfway in my pocket. I take it out, leaving my phone behind, and cross my arms. “Yeah, just got off the phone with Emi. Was just on my way back in actually.”

“Ahh, it can wait another couple minutes. Kai and Mai are on a roll right now.”

“Those two? Really?”

“I know right? Weird. Hell, even Mai and Iwanako are a weird duo, but I got used to that months ago at least.”

“I guess a lot has changed since I was here.”

“Yep.”

“Still mad at me?”

“Not mad; pissed.”

“And that’s different… how?”

“Cause I can’t even be mad at you - which pisses me off, and I’m also pissed at what you did to us in the hospital, what our classmates did at school, the whole situation as a whole, and just about everything since then that’s made it all worse.”

“...But you’re not mad?”

“If I was mad at you we wouldn’t be talking and I certainly wouldn’t be here.” Shin sighs, then leans against the wall nearby. “Look, Hisao, I think there's a lot of blame to go around just like anyone else, and I may put more on you, but that’s just because I expected you to do better. Then you didn’t and I never understood why. Despite all that, take a look around us. We’re six people strong despite everything; I can’t be mad at that.”

Six strong? If he’s counting me, that’s him, Mai, Takumi, and me bringing us to the original four. Which means Iwanako and Kai are both included now. “So I’m not being replaced by a pair of cute girls then?”

“Oh you absolutely are, but you’re welcome back, I guess.” He shrugs sarcastically and I give him a playful shove. The months of... everything are gone and it's like I never left.

The feeling lasts as long as it takes Shin to draw breath. “It’s not perfect, and as I said, I’m still pissed at you, but for tonight I can set that all aside.” He makes eye contact. “That can wait. I mean, we’ve got time to get through this, right?”

I nod empathetically. “We do. And… thanks, Shin. For the second chance. I’ll try to make it up to you.”

He forces a smile. “But I’m coming for your ass one of these days. It hasn’t been all sunshine and daisies out here.”

“Yeah. I talked to Mai yesterday about it all.”

“No shit. Why do you think I mentioned school? Besides, we never got a chance to really talk about everything last night thanks to Mai’s little stunt.” Shin pauses and pulls a juice box from his pocket. Why would he… never-mind. Then he gulps a few mouthfuls down. “Gah! I needed that. I really hope they don’t try to rope us into a third hour. My throat will be bleeding if they do.”

“If my chest wasn’t collapsing in on itself, mine probably would be too.” I rub my side to emphasize the point and we both chuckle lightly.

Shin scratches the back of his head. “So hey, sorry ‘bout Grams this morning. You know how she is.”

“No worries. Not your fault.”

“Still though. She’s so… stuck in the past. It’s annoying as hell.”

“So I assume you haven’t talked to her about - you know - yet?”

“Hah! She’d probably keel over on the spot if I told her that.” Shin walks over to the balcony’s handrail and leans onto it, looking out at the horizon. “Besides, it’d only complicate things. Especially if I do end up with a girl in the end.”

“I guess it would be a little hard to explain it all to someone like her.”

“Hell, I only just got Mom to really understand it.” Shin glances around, making sure no one else is in earshot. “It would’ve been one thing if I was strictly gay, but I had to complicate even that.” He smirks and his eyes lose focus for a minute.

“I can only imagine what confronting my parents with something like that would be like-” Actually…

I join him on the rail and gaze into the distant towers and almost endless sea of buildings. I always loved that this karaoke joint was on a hill. “Or maybe not. I know it’s not exactly the same, but my parents only just found out I’m dating a disabled girl.”

I can feel Shin shifting to look at me. “What did they think would happen when they sent you off to a co-ed residential school for kids with disabilities? I thought it was pretty…” He shrugs and I finish the thought for him.

“Obvious? I thought so too.”

Shin sighs. “They’re not okay with it?”

“I don’t know… I think they were holding out hope that I was going to make up with Iwanako.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.” A gust of wind rushes by, sending a swirl of dust past us in the street below.

“Shit.” Shin sighs again, deeper this time. “Now I’m stuck thinking about Takumi and how I messed that whole thing up.”

“He did seem pretty frustrated about something earlier.”

“Yeah, that’s on me. But look, can we talk about that some other time? I’d rather not dig into it right now.”

“Works for me.”

“Thanks.”

It’s a bit of a mess, but I don’t think the kid from the hospital bed all those months ago would’ve ever imagined coming even this far. That alone is a testament to how much I’ve grown. He might’ve given up at the first barrier. Hell, he wouldn’t have even tried to leave that second hospital bed. Someone would’ve had to drag him feet first out of there. In the end, getting through whatever this is might just be possible now.

But first, I still need to apologize to Shin properly. “Hey Sh-”

“Come on, we should probably head back in. They’ll send a search party if we’re not careful.” He pushes off the bar and stretches.

“... Yeah... Okay- Oh! That reminds me, well not that specifically, but I have something to ask you.”

“Shoot.”

“Actually- you know what, let’s just head back in. I need to ask a couple of the others as well anyways.”

“Okay?”

I take the lead back inside with a very confused Shin following me. The door opens to a distinct lack of music playing. Takumi and Mai are scrolling through a list on stage. Takumi looks up. “Finally, he’s back. You’re up, Hisao. Mai’s already got one in mind for you two.”

“It’ll have to be my last one; I don’t think my chest can take too much more. But first I have something I want to ask all of you. Well, most of you at this point. Half? No- wait.”

Mai puts a hand up, interrupting me. “Just ask.”

“Right. Well, I’ve already talked to Iwanako and Mai about it, but I’d like to invite you all to come up to Yamaku for a weekend. Or at least a day. I can show you what my life up there’s been like, and introduce you to Emi. Stuff like that.”

Shin’s eyes widen for just a second, then he squints. “When?”

“Sometime next month, probably. Either one of the earlier weekends depending on if you guys are available or not, or there should be two three day weekends towards the end of the month. I know we’ll all probably want to be studying the closer we get to the end of the year…” A collective groan cuts me off and I almost join in. I am not excited for what the rest of the year is bringing us. “...but~, they’ll probably be the easiest time for it.”

Kai jumps up with clasped hands. “Ooh! Can I come?”

Before I can answer, Iwanako pulls Kai back to her seat. “Kai, it’s rude to invite yourself!”

“Aww!” Kai pouts.

Emi’s pout is definitely better, but she’d give Misha a run for her money I think. What would that scale even look like? Emi is definitely at the top. I could see Lilly being a higher point on the scale as well, so Misha’d end up somewhere close to the middle. Below that… not important right now.

I‘d feel bad not inviting Kai; she’s Iwanako’s best friend after all. “No it’s fine, I wouldn’t have mentioned it around Kai if she wasn’t invited too.”

Kai leaps from her seat again and the motion seems to sap Iwanako of her remaining energy. At least I’m not alone on that front. “Really! Oh man it’s gonna be so fun! I’ve never been outside of the city!”

“I don’t want to dash your hopes too much, but we won’t be far from a city still, it’s a short bus ride away at the worst.”

“That’s okay.” She grins widely. ”Different cities don’t count!”

Takumi finally manages to get a word in. “Wait, will it be okay for us to go there?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“Well, none of us are… you know.”

“It’s not like there’s a barrier around the school saying ‘only people with disabilities beyond this point.’ Families visit all the time, and I’m sure friends of others do as well. Plus, we host festivals on campus as well. It’ll be fine.”

“If you say so. I won’t be responsible for Shin though.”

Shin turns, his face struggling to agree on a single type of offense to take. “What does that mean!” Everyone laughs at his expense. “No, really!” To which the chorus of laughter only gets louder.

Eventually Shin and Takumi say they’re on board as well, and we all agree that the first three day weekend would probably be the best - so the sixteenth. They’ll take a train up early in the morning and another one closer to the end of the night. Everyone’s on their own if they need a ride from there.

By the time the conversation ends we realize we only have twenty minutes left in the stall, and get back to tearing our throats - or in my case, chest - apart in pitiful fashion.

---

Table of Contents | Previous Scene: Scene 3: Miscommunications | Next Scene: Scene 5: Unwelcome Reflections and the Girl Left on her Own - Chapter 1: Prelude to Doubt

And that closes out the longest singular post so far for Uncertainty. Hopefully separating it into 3 sections made it easier to follow along if you couldn’t read it all in one go! It was significantly longer than originally expected, but I am happy with the outcome. In fact, this Scene was the most edited one so far in the story. So to start, I want to give a massive thanks once again to Stiles for the incredible work you’ve put into this and help given to me. To say this story wouldn’t be the same without you would be a massive understatement.

My original expectation was that this scene was going to come out relatively quickly after Scene 3 because I didn’t see it as that important to the overall plot, but just as a nice follow-up/closer to Scene 3’s events. But over the course of the last… checks calendar… almost year since I drafted this scene, I’ve come to the realization - with help from Stiles at a few different points as well - that a lot more can be set up and/or paid off in this Scene. As a result it grew the most of any Scene relative to Draft 1, had by far the most edits which was a crown Scene 1 had until now, and took the longest to flesh out.

With that, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of Act 1 and will be back to read what’s to come in Scene 5! Coming soon^tm. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this Scene, and I’ll see you in the next one!

[hdkv]

Oh, so maaaany things have changed since the last update! It's good to have some sense of stability and it was very good continuation of the story.

I guess the real conflicts of the story are ahead of us, and I'm really worried for Emi.

Looking forward for the next chapter, thank you!