Invisible Thread
(Takes Place after Short Sharp Shock - Hisao, rather than just meandering at lunch and then going to class, ends up going to the Nurses office instead. Follows a slight alter to In the Nursery, in which the end of the conversation is interrupted by Rika arriving to the office - They don’t exchange any conversation, so there’s no point writing it here
)
Left alone in the hallway, I let out a breath that I wasn’t aware I was holding.
I didn’t even manage to get far from the third-floor hallway before receiving a reminder of why I was here. My hand touches my chest before I really notice it, double-checking what I was already aware of.
… It was fine. A regular heartbeat. Or as regular as I ever could have, anyway. But even with that reassurance, I can’t get rid of the concern that weighs down on my shoulders. I’d felt okay then too, didn’t I? But months later here I was, in a school that - for all attempts to tell me otherwise - was for people like me.
Broken people.
I brush that depressive thought away as quickly as possible, but the concern still hangs over me. Despite there not being a single part of me that actually wants to, I find myself wandering out of the building and towards the auxiliary building that hosts the Nurse. Sure enough, on making my way to the office I am met by the same smile I’d seen two days before. It falters slightly on seeing me but regains its posture like it never left.
“Well hello there, Mr. Nakai. I wasn’t expecting to see you so soon. I would’ve tidied the place up if I knew.’
He grins at his own joke. The room, save for perhaps an extra coffee cup ring, is in the exact same state as it was last I was here. I can’t quite decide if that state actually is clean, though.
“So, what can I do for you?”
“I, uh…”
I really don’t want to make it sound like a bigger deal than it was. I take a second to consider my words.
“... I uh, got knocked. And I checked my own rhythm and everything feels fine but…”
I falter alongside the nurse's expression, as a serious look enters his face.
“Taking the assumption that you are following my advice, would I be right in saying that this ‘knock’ came in the pigtailed variety?”
Clearly, the slight bit of surprise that entered my face was an answer in itself. The Nurse sighs and shakes his head.
“Emi has been reprimanded for her behaviour a few times now. I’ll have to have a word with he-”
“No!”
I surprise even myself with the insistence. Nurse pauses and cocks a singular eyebrow at me.
“I-I mean… I don’t want her to get into any trouble. It really wasn’t her fault, it just sort of happened. And she doesn't… She doesn’t, uh, know… That...”
That I was broken. That a hard knock could’ve killed me there and then. That I was always that close to death. I didn’t expect Nurse to tell her what was wrong with me… But if she knew I’d come here, after saying I didn’t need it, she might work out that something was wrong with me.
It sounds stupid, putting it like that. Of
course something was wrong with me. I’d ended up at this school, hadn’t I? It didn’t take a genius to work out I had all my limbs, and the ability to talk and see. It was clearly something inside, but the idea of someone really knowing that...
I was torn away from my thoughts by a look from Nurse, a frown disrupting his features.
“Hisao, do you know how many people come to me here?”
The question threw me off guard, but before I could even start to answer the Nurse continued.
“Every single student in this school. Not necessarily in person, but I’ve seen every single file that they bring with them. And for all those I have seen in person, I’ve seen enough to tell you that you’re not the first person to be sheepish about why they’re here, or of any problems they’re currently having. I would have a much easier job if everyone came to me when they needed to.”
He takes a moment, to allow his words time to sink in.
“... The point is, you and a lot of the people in this school have something you’re carrying with them. Some people have the baggage of something that happened, some people only have the baggage of how their life has changed. But almost everyone has something weighing down on them. It becomes a lot easier to get used to the weight if you trade it off sometimes.”
He pauses, then flashes me another grin, and returns to his usual expression in a moment as if he had never dropped it.
“Still, I have to thank you for coming here. Truly a model certain people should learn to follow. And, per your wishes, I won’t exchange any comments to Miss. Ibarazaki about your situation. As long as you promise to give what I’ve told you some thought.”
I take a second. What he said definitely made some sense, but… Was it really something I could see myself doing? Feeling better for telling people I was that fragile? I didn’t know. But...
… I could think about it. That was all he was asking me to do. I nod.
“I… Yeah, I promise.”
His grin somehow got wider.
“Excellent. Well, we can get onto why you’re here then. Hop up on the table for me, and take off your shirt.”
I do exactly as he asks, and shortly after I feel the cold of a stethoscope against my chest. A minute passes in relative silence, beyond a reminder to ‘breathe normally’ and occasional other sounds from the Nurse. Sharply, he moves away and flashes me another grin.
“Nothing out of the ordinary.”
I’m about to reply when I notice the door moving behind the Nurse. I glance over, and everything seems to freeze as I make eye contact with the same girl I saw here yesterday. She likewise stops in place, those strikingly scarlet pupils blinking with mild surprise. The nurse catches my look and spins on a heel.
“Miss Katayama, I will be with you in a minute if you could please wait outside. I’d offer you some literature on knocking, but we’re all out.”
I can almost hear the widened grin on his face from his own, terrible joke. As I hurriedly threw my shirt back on, I could see glimpses of the girl - Katayama - nodding and turning to leave, dragging the door shut behind her. Standing up from the table, I see the nurse had turned back around already.
“Sorry about that. It slipped my mind to use the curtains. Won’t happen again.”
His tone certainly seems apologetic, even if his face didn’t really betray that.
“In any case, you’re fine. It seems nothing but your pride is permanently hurt. Nonetheless, I would recommend you avoid anything too strenuous for the rest of the day. Certainly no blonde cannonballs either.”
I nod, unsure of what exactly to say. He gestures towards the door lightly.
“Feel free to leave. You probably have enough time to go grab some food, at a nice leisurely walking pace. If you could send Miss Katayama in on your way out, that’d be good of you.”
I choose to nod again and walk towards the door before opening it and stepping through. For a second time, I make eye contact with this other girl. This is the first time I’ve really had a chance to take in her features beyond a single glance. I pause for a second before I finally notice her apprehension and clear my throat.
“Uh… You can go in now.”
She nods, very curtly, and quickly ducks past me into the room.
I start to wander down the hall in a vague attempt to go get lunch, thoughts whirling in my head. That girl was… Well, the first person here beyond Nurse to see the scar. It made her the only student here to really have an idea of what was wrong with me. It was a worrying thought that was hard to shake, but… she seemed a little out of it when I saw her outside of the office. Maybe she felt bad for interrupting?
I pause. I certainly didn’t do anything to assuage any concerns she had. And, as much as Nurse wasn’t the most terrifying faculty member I had ever seen, I’m sure any comments he made wouldn’t make her much better. A hint of resolve hits me, and I turn back the way I had come. I mean, I could at the least tell her she didn’t have anything to worry about.
For the third time, my thoughts are interrupted by that moment of eye contact. Both myself and Katayama pause in the hall, and it’s at this moment that I realise that I didn’t exactly have much of a conversation plan. It didn’t exactly help, then, that the girl seems content to just stare back.
“I, uh… Just wanted to say that you don’t have to worry, or anything. I’m not that bothered by it.”
I clearly haven’t done what I set out to, even with that white lie. The girl seems more concerned now than she was outside of the office. Her brows furrow in thought and she looks down.
“I didn’t know I was meant to be worried. Should I be?’
Her eyes flit up back to mine.
“I… I just thought you were. You looked…”
I falter. She blinks in slight confusion, then offers a light shrug of her shoulders.
“I wasn’t.’
‘Oh. Then, um…’
I’m about to completely give up when the girl speaks again.
‘I’ve never seen you here before.’
‘Oh, uh, yeah. I just started at the start of the week…” She doesn’t speak again, but looks at me with some expectation in her eyes. It takes me a little moment to catch on, but she doesn’t say anything. “... My name is Hisao Nakai. But uh, just Hisao works.”
A soft nod. She pauses, eyes drifting away from me as she considers something in her mind. Just as quickly as she looked away did those eyes look back at me with a piercing gaze.
“My name is Rika Katayama. But just Rika works.”
I nod, slowly. That was… Well, something at least. Once again I’m about to bid her farewell when she keeps me there with just another statement.
“You have something wrong with your heart.”
I wince. It was certainly a packed day for that reminder. The girl pauses, eyes looking away again before they return.
“I’m sorry if that was a faux pas. But I saw your scar, so I worked it out. Or I think I did.”
“It’s… It’s fine. You’re right, at least.”
Normally, I would’ve taken more of an argumentative stance. Even with the reality that she had seen my scar head-on. But Nurse’s advice was still fresh in my mind. Who better to test run it with than a complete and utter stranger that I would probably never see again? I take a deep breath before I continue.
“I have arrhythmia. It means my heartbeat is irregular, so any strain can put me at risk of having a heart attack.”
She nods, slowly. She takes a while to muse over my words and murmurs a touch as she looks down.
“So… We are the same… Is that what you’re saying?”
“... What?”
I blink in surprise and she looks back up.
“I mean that I have a heart issue too. Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. One half of my heart is smaller than the other, so I had to get surgeries when I was little to fix it. But it can... still cause problems now.”
I must look like a fish out of water right now. I’m astutely aware that my mouth is hanging open a little, and I make an effort to close it. I mean, it makes sense that someone else here would have a condition like mine - There’s a reason I was sent here, after all, and I’m not the only person in Japan with a heart condition. But having them - her - right here in front of me feels nothing short of weird. Especially given she was the first person I’d told about my condition.
What are the chances of that, huh?
The bell drags me out of my stupor. I offer an apologetic look.
“I uh... guess we should be going?”
She nods, lightly, and we set out towards the main campus in silence. I cast occasional glances at her. I did have more questions about her, naturally. Her hair, skin, and eyes alone all raise some, let alone everything about our shared problem. But it didn’t seem like the time. It was a little ironic. Here I was, stressed about people knowing about my condition while wanting to throw every question I had at someone else with the same thing. Eventually, she pauses, and I can see she intends to walk another way. Her eyes flicker away again before she looks back. Her brow furrows for a second before she nods, turns, and leaves me alone in the corridor. I make my way back to class.
The afternoon class passes uneventfully. I read most of the book I had started yesterday. The class is tiresome, and I let my mind wander back to the only other person I knew with a broken heart.