Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Completed)

[calcifer]

Sweet! I like chapters that are just ~90% internal monologue

[Retrograde01]

Finally all caught up. I feel like Act 4 so far has done a good job of capturing that limbo state between graduating high school and doing anything else. Can't wait to see how it all falls apart!

[Alex FRD]

Mai puts her arm around Iwanako’s shoulders.

Ahh, at last, the convincing lesbian erotica has finally been confirmed!

[Mirage_GSM]

Thanks for the Update!

One minor thing: In the beginning you write Saki's brother is there on "family business".
Later on it becomes clear that it is a business trip for the family business... Technically correct, but still misleading.

[Feurox]

Yes, good update as usual. Looking forward to the continuation.

[Eurobeatjester]

Thanks for the feedback and kind comments, everyone! Time to reply to everyone!

The brother was an interesting addition, kind of a counterbalance to Saki without being an outright villain figure as the dad is.

I'm glad you found him interesting! I wanted to have him be the "here's what Saki says is going on, here's what Father says is going on, here's what's actually going on" figure. I hope it wasn't awkward to introduce him officially so late, but I had fun writing him as a minor character.

Excellent chapter. I could feel my eyes watering in some parts, and some real, barely contained anger in others. That brief, quiet shouting match was written superbly.

Thank you! I was trying to write it as a "test" the brother was giving Hisao by riling him up a bit. Thanks for pointing out the SPaG too!

Sweet! I like chapters that are just ~90% internal monologue

Been a while since I've had one of those

Finally all caught up. I feel like Act 4 so far has done a good job of capturing that limbo state between graduating high school and doing anything else. Can't wait to see how it all falls apart!

It's not already?

Ahh, at last, the convincing lesbian erotica has finally been confirmed!

I ship it.

Thanks for the Update!

One minor thing: In the beginning you write Saki's brother is there on "family business".
Later on it becomes clear that it is a business trip for the family business... Technically correct, but still misleading.

To be fair, that's what Hisao believes based off what Saki's told him, and he clarifies later when talking to the brother directly...although I didn't catch that during the proofreading phase

Yes, good update as usual. Looking forward to the continuation.

Glad you caught up!

I can't believe I have six chapters left. I still can't believe I've been working on this for so long and I'm really excited to get to the conclusion.

[Blackmambauk]

So sorry for not replying sooner until now mate, things have been hectic in the last few days at work and home due to having to get my gaming pc sent off (which is a pain in the arse when it weighs over 30kg and you can't take the day off work to hang around for UPS).

Another wonderful chapter Euro, really liked how much internal thoughts were in this chapter. Mai and Iwanako's appearance was a lovely surprise and also I think such a symbolic way of bringing Hisao full circle from the last time he was in hospital and he ended up pushing away his friends because of his depressive state. This time he let's his friends help him, really laughed at Mai bringing in shampoo and giving Hisao's hair a quick wash, nice call back to Hisao's assentation that a quick rinse was all one needed, Saki's reaction would certainly have been the same as the girls and calling Hisao out for it again like last time.

I especially like the unsaid and said stuff between Hisao and Iwanako here, this is the best version I think I have seen of the two making their peace with each other I have seen done in KS fanfic's. Truly you showed nicely of Hisao's development and the way their stuff transitions into Saki's arrival is very well done and a nice way of tying it all together.

What can I say about the Hisao and Saki stuff here, again you have exceeded yourself as always mate and truly nailed every emotion, every feeling and brought happy and sad tears to my eyes as we learned the full story of what happened with everyone. You truly nailed the complexities and gave each character their reasons for their reactions, all of it felt natural and teenlike and it really builds on the nuances and themes of Learning to fly spot on.

I especially loved the bit of the two sleeping for a few hours. These sort of moments truly work when a writer has built to it over time and truly has earned it like you have here.

You truly once again also make great use of a character we have just been introduced to and made them feel fully realised with Saki's brother. He nicely gives the other perspective regarding Saki and their father's actions. That gives more room and I think great alternative character interpretation to a character we have heard so much about and only met once and that left such a impact that we have a firm idea of the person they are and questions on what comes next.

You are truly on a role and I know the next six chapters are going to be even sweeter, even more hard hitting and even more appeasing to wait for.

Thanks euro for once again delivering such compelling writing.

Blackmambauk

[yanivp]

Stay safe all of you

[Eurobeatjester]

Finally got another update done!

It took me a while to get this one out because of the craziness that's happening in the world right now. I work in an essential capacity, so I haven't had the "luxury" of being able to quarantine myself for a few weeks. That being said, writing has been my only creative outlet for the last few months because the makerspaces have all been closed until things get back to normal.

This chapter clocks in at 9800 words. Smut warning applies!

Stay safe, everyone.

The theme for this chapter is "Breathe Me" by Sia.

Comments and feedback appreciated!

Act 4: Liftoff

Scene 8: Breathe Me

“Hisao!”

I’m barely two steps off of the bus before I hear my name being called. I turn to my left, and give a wave when I see who it is by the green of their blazers. “Hey, you two!”

Saki nearly crushes me with a hug as she covers the distance between us, and as thankful as I am for it, it causes me to give an involuntary grunt of pain. She backs up for a second when she hears this, her face crestfallen.

“I’m sorry, I-”

“It’s all right,” I say quickly, reassuring her. “Still a bit tender, that’s all.”

She nods, then goes in to embrace me again - not nearly as hard as before, but still as tightly as she feels she can safely manage.

“How are you feeling?” Noriko asks, walking up to us from where Saki left her a few seconds ago. Saki disengages from me so I can shift my bag to my other shoulder and give her a hug as well.

I take in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Good.”

“Looks like the surgery paid off. You look great!”

I chuckle. “Well, for now anyway.”

“You’re really okay? You’re not just saying that?” Saki asks me, her voice still concerned.

“I am. I’m recovering pretty well. It’s still sore, but nothing some tylenol can’t handle.”

“Have you eaten yet?”

I shake my head. “No. I was going to eat before catching the bus, but my train was a few minutes late. I was thinking all of us could get something.”

“The cafeteria’s still open if you wanted to wait until we got back up the hill.”

“I was kind of hoping we’d be able to stop at the Shanghai,” I answer. “We’re only here for a few more days…”

“That sounds great,” Saki says, moving to my side and wasting no time taking my hand in hers. When Noriko also gives her approval, the plan is set.

The air is still brisk, although there’s no longer the frigid bite to it from a few months ago. The sky is still the same piercing shade of blue; one of winter’s last remaining holdouts before the inevitability of spring.

Progress of time and inevitability. Two very apt considerations, given that we graduate in a few short days. Chisato gets in the day after tomorrow, the year end concert is the day after that, and then finally the graduation ceremony. It’s been a very long road to get to this point...but I still find it hard to believe.

It doesn’t take us too long to make the trek to the old familiar teahouse, and I’m surprised to see that it’s busier than I would have expected. On previous trips here, our group would usually double the amount of patrons this time of day, but this time there’s more occupied booths and tables than empty. A closer look shows a handful of familiar faces among the crowd from our year, which explains the larger crowd. Natsume and Naomi are in the booth at the far corner, engaged in what looks to be a very rapt conversation. Molly and her boyfriend are there as well, and I feel a slight sense of dread when she sees me and waves.

I never did learn his name, and at this point I’m scared to ask.

Fortunately, a quick wave back is enough, as she turns back towards him.

One face I do expect to see is nowhere to be found, though. “Where’s Yuuko?”

Noriko cranes her neck to try and see behind the counter into the kitchen. “Ah, she’s back up at the school. They need her to help sort all the books that everyone’s returning...”

“I should probably do that when I get back up there. Not to mention get started on packing.”

“So should we just seat ourselves then?” Saki asks.

“I don’t see Takako or Hirono,” Noriko muses, turning back towards us. “I think it will be okay.”

The three of us quickly lay claim to one of the few booths left, with Saki sliding in next to me across from Noriko. She instantly grabs my hand under the table.

Noriko’s eyes sparkle. “If we’re stopping here today, can we stop by the ramen stand on Thursday?”

“After or before we meet with Chisato?” I ask, and feel Saki’s hand go rigid in mine for a fraction of a second. Shit…

The other girl picks up on this, hesitating. “I hope...after?”

Saki nods at this, albeit stiffly. The three of us had made tentative plans to meet Chisato in the city, similar to the way the two girls met me in town today. I’ve spoken to her a few times on the phone in the last few weeks while I’ve been recovering, but I haven’t really broached the subject of her and Saki - something Chisato has expressed thanks for. The last time we talked, she said she wanted to get together one last time in the city, and that included Saki.

Before we can keep talking, a waitress I don’t recognize comes up to our table, looking a bit flustered and apologizing for not noticing when we came through the door. We have to spend a few seconds reassuring her that it was fine, but finally she takes our orders before disappearing again.

“We shouldn’t stay too late,” I say. “I have to check in with Nurse and the office when we get back. Weren’t you going back home tonight, Noriko?”

She nods. “Yeah. I’ll catch the bus back to the city when we get done here.” She turns to Saki. “Thanks for letting me stay the last two nights with you.”

Saki shakes her head. “Don’t mention it. It was fun.”

“So you’re going to meet us down at the train station on Thursday then?” I ask Noriko.

“Mhm. Just call me when you know what time you’ll be down there. Chisato’s train gets in a little after noon.”

“Sure thing.”

“You said you needed to see the Nurse? Do you think it will take long?” Saki questions, squeezing my hand.

“It shouldn’t. I think he just wants to do a standard checkup, since it’s my first time back in a while. Before that though, I have to swing by the office to officially let them know I’m back.”

“Want to go swimming later?” she asks.

“I would really like that, actually. Let’s see what Nurse says first though. My doctor said I was healing pretty well, but…”

“Well, we can always spend some time in the spa if you can’t swim laps.”

“I’d be doing that no matter what Nurse said.”

We’re interrupted again briefly when the waitress comes back, brandishing a tray with a few small plates and drinks on it. She sets them down in front of us with a precision that I have to admire. As is tradition, all else is forgotten until the first two or three bites have had time to be consumed and enjoyed.

We chat for about twenty minutes, long enough to see some of the tables that came in ahead of us turn over. We mostly discuss the graduation ceremony, and how all of us are nervous but looking forward to it. We don’t really discuss anything that’s going to happen after that point however...knowing that this is not the time to do so.

We just want to enjoy the moment for what it is.

It’s only a short walk across the courtyard from the main office to the secondary building. Saki said I should meet her there after I finished checking at the office, and if she’s there with Mrs. Sakamoto, all the better. It will be good to see her again. I open the door and step inside out of the afternoon sun.

I pass Nurse’s door as I walk down the brick hallway. I could stop now, but Saki was pretty adamant the band room should be my first stop after the main office. It’s not like I won’t be back here later, so I continue on.

Down past the pool and physical therapy gymnasium, I find it a bit sad tracing these steps again, knowing it’s one of the last times I will. I take a deep breath, and feel the sharp bite of the cold, dry air in my nostrils. It’s always been crisper in this building than in any of the others. Maybe they have to dry it more because the pool is indoors.

I’m looking forward to swimming a few laps again, if I get the okay.

The hallway ends, the doorway opening into the large foyer of the performing arts wing. I cross the mostly empty space, taking notice of the few students in the various chairs and couches around me. Most barely look up, and the few I make eye contact with, I give a polite nod to. A few more strides take me finally to the door I’m looking for, and I open it.

“Hello?” I ask, gingerly stepping into the room.

“Hey, Hisao!” I hear my name called from the far corner. When I take a look, Saki’s seated with her music teacher over by where the piano...used to be?

Mrs. Sakamoto stands up as I approach, her smile as welcoming and warm as she gives me a small bow. “It’s good to see you again, Hisao.”

“Likewise...” I say, my thoughts somewhat distracted. “Uh, where’d the piano go?”

(continued...)

[Eurobeatjester]

“Oh, we moved it to the stage a few days ago,” the older woman answers me. “We’re almost done setting up for the recital.”

“I’m free for the most part. Is there anything I can help with?” I volunteer - partly because I want to, and partly because I know someone else already moved the piano.

She takes a minute to consider, looking around the room. “I think the only thing we have left to move are the last two music stands. We’ll be meeting in the auditorium for the rest of the week at any rate. But enough about that, how are you doing?”

“Doing great. Almost never better.”

“That’s good news to hear. I’m glad you could make it back before graduation. Are you going to be coming to the recital?”

“I wouldn’t miss it. I think I convinced my parents to see it too.”

Mrs. Sakamoto’s face shows a bit of surprise when she hears this. “Ah, so they’re here the night before graduation, is that right?”

I nod.

“I’ll make sure to get the three of you some good seats then,” she says, then turns to her protege. “Did you still want an extra seat for your brother?”

Saki’s face goes a bit dark at this, although she does her best not to let it show. She nods.

“Very well, I’ll change the reserved chart. Are you finally going to take your violin back to your room, or leave it here again for rehearsal tomorrow?”

Saki doesn’t do nearly as good a job hiding her dislike for this question. “Ah, no. I’ll take it with me. I need to get something anyway.”

“Perfect! Hisao and I should be done moving the music stands by that point, so I’ll be able to give him back to you.”

Saki blushes a bit at this, the corner of her mouth turning into a wry smile that she can’t avoid making. Her teacher chooses not to notice, and I give her my arm to help her get to her feet. I think about telling her I can go with her if she wants, but decide it would be best I don’t.

I’m getting the distinct thought that Mrs. Sakamoto wants to talk to me alone - something that fills me with equal parts concern and curiosity.

“Do you just want to meet at the pool?” Saki asks me. “I’m grabbing my suit, so I can get back and change while you’re talking with Nurse.”

“Alright,” I say, shifting my bag on my shoulder. “I have mine with me, so I’ll catch up.”

“You still don’t want to stop by your room first?”

“I’ll end up back there tonight eventually.”

The corner of her mouth turns up into a playful smirk. “So, your room tonight then?” she teases in a whisper that I’m almost certain the teacher hears.

“Let’s...play it by ear,” I reply, and she nods.

“It’s those two, next to the stack of chairs,” Mrs. Sakamoto says, pointing towards the left side of the room to clarify. I quickly locate the two objects I’m looking for, and grab one by the silver tube that makes up its neck. Testing the weight, I’m a bit surprised by how light it is. I pick up the other one with my free hand, trying to position them to where I can comfortably walk without banging them against my legs. Once I give her some space, Saki moves past me to grab her violin case on the shelf, her lips set into a hard line.

“Everyone have everything they need?” the music teacher asks. When both of us nod, all three of us move to the door. Mrs. Sakamoto holds it open for us, and once we’re all through, I reassure Saki I’ll see her soon. She gives me a tight smile, and turns on her heel to walk back towards the direction of the dorms. I watch for a few seconds as she moves with her cane in one hand and the case in the other before Mrs. Sakamoto clears her throat slightly. I shake my head slightly to clear it and follow her around the side of the building towards the auditorium’s stage door.

“She hasn’t been taking the violin back to her room?” I ask.

She sighs “No. I brought it back from Shogo’s studio after Christmas, but the last few days she’s been leaving it here after rehearsals instead of taking it back to her room.”

I wince. Things happened so quickly that night, and with the immediate fallout of trying to sort the situation with Maeda and Saki, nobody thought to grab her violin. The last few months at home, she didn’t have it with her. She had an older one there, but she hadn’t played it for years and it wasn’t as good as her current one...and it just happened to be the same one she was playing when she had her mental breakdown...

“She’s been spending a lot of time the last few days getting ready for the recital, but only here in the band room.” she continues.

“What’s going to be happening with that now?” I ask. “Now that...well…”

Her face softens. “The two of them are still going to have to play together, if for no other reason than the fact we already printed the programs with their names on them. Saki will play her two pieces. Chisato will play her two, and then they’ll play one piece together.”

I’m shocked. Did the teacher decide this, or did they? Saki hasn’t said anything to me about it, but she’s also made it pretty clear it’s not a subject she wants to bring up..

“I hope that it goes okay. Chisato was…” I trail off, remembering her anger.

“She was the one that asked me not to change the program.”

I’m so startled by this that I almost drop one of the stands. “She did?”

Mrs. Sakamoto notices this and turns her head in my direction. “I spoke to her about it after we finished recording on Christmas. She said she wanted to keep it as it was.”

I have a few seconds to collect my thoughts as the teacher pulls out a set of keys to open the door. Chisato’s been angry, and from the handful of times I’ve talked to her, I would have assumed that the joint song during the recital would have been cancelled. To be fair, she never really brought it up either - more proof that all of us have just been trying to avoid the situation.

With a jangling of metal, the lock clicks and Mrs. Sakamoto pulls open the door. I can feel the heated air from inside pouring out, and step through quickly into the seating area of the auditorium. The concentric arcs of chairs begin near the top of the entrance, sloping down until they narrow in front of a raised stage. The room itself is spacious, with room for about a hundred and fifty students in total. The ceiling overhead is a jagged slope, broken apart by rigging for lighting and a few large speakers. What lights that are on are pointed at the stage, illuminating the risers and chairs already positioned there, along with the piano from the band room.

I’ve only been in here a handful of times for different assemblies, but I’ve been awed by the space every time.

Mrs. Sakamoto leads me down one of the side aisles, towards a set of stairs that lead up to the stage itself. The first few rows of chairs have signs on them, designating that they’re reserved for different staff members or for the families of students in the band.

“There’s a few open seats in the second row over by the piano. I’ll put a few signs on them to reserve them for you.”

I gingerly move to set the music stands down next to the rest of the equipment on the side of the stage by the podium. Turning back to face the “audience,” I have to squint a bit to see the chairs Mrs. Sakamoto is talking about. I’ve never been up on a stage like this before, and the amount of light simply washing out my vision is pretty disorienting.

Saki, Chisato, and everyone else actually play while dealing with this? I can barely make out the front row, much less anything else further back unless I shield my eyes with my hand.

“First time on a stage?” the teacher asks, chuckling.

“Uh, yeah,” I mention, blinking back both the light and embarrassment. “Sorry. Chisato actually likes this?”

“She likes nothing more, honestly. She put forth so much effort and time to be accepted to the school she wanted, and if she keeps going, well, there’s going to be a lot more for her to see than just this auditorium.”

“They both did,” I blurt out before I can stop myself. I regret the words as soon as they’re out, but Mrs. Sakamoto merely sighs as her expression turns sad.

“They did. And they’re still going to do a great job at the recital.”

“It’s just so unfair,” I say. “Because of what happened, Saki wasn’t able to record her part of the album, and now she’s not going to be able to use it to get an audition the way she wanted…”

She cuts me off by holding a hand up, her face pained. The head of steam I was starting to build fizzles out when I see how she considers me for a moment.

“It might not be over yet.”

I pause. “What do you mean, it might not be over yet?”

“Shogo and I have been thinking about what we could do for Saki and we have an idea.”

“What is it?” I ask, my mind starting to race.

The older woman shakes her head, and I can see a bit of regret in her eyes for having brought this up. “It’s an idea at this point. It might never be anything but an idea.”

“But, if there’s a chance, then she-”

“Please, stop,” she says, a little harsher than she probably means to. She relents a bit and her voice softens, even if it doesn’t lose any of its intensity. “Right now, there’s nothing she can do. I’m trying very hard to change that, but I don’t know if I can. I don’t want to get her hopes up in case I can’t. I won’t mention anything to her until I know for sure. I have to respectfully ask that you do the same and refrain from telling her I said anything to you, or she won’t be able to focus on the recital. Please, Hisao.”

I have no idea what she could be talking about, but the way she implores me to listen tells me that while I don’t understand at the moment, she’s not asking this without reason. I nod shakily.

“All right. I won’t.”

“Thank you,” she says, breathing a sigh of relief. Some of the tension bleeds out of her shoulders, and when she turns to inspect the stage, I see a change come over her. It’s subtle, but it’s there. Her eyes move from the piano to the risers, slowly letting her gaze wander over every spot where one of her students will be.

“You know,” she starts, her voice low. “Every few years my husband and I have a talk about when I’m going to retire. Every time, I tell him I’ll think about it.”

“Will you?” I ask.

She doesn’t answer me for a few seconds, instead taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly with a resigned smile. “No, I don’t think I will.”

I think of all the different faculty members I’ve met here at Yamaku. Teachers like Mutou and Miyagi. Nurse and his staff. Yuuko. Club directors and teachers like Mrs. Sakamoto and even Nomiya - one of the few things they and everyone else here in common have is how much they want to be here; how much they want to make a difference, at least in their own way.

It’s a shame that not all the students here let themselves see that.

I don’t know what she’s trying to do for Saki, but I absolutely believe that she’s trying her hardest at it.

“You said earlier that you needed to see the nurse, right?” she asks, shaking me out of my thoughts. “Thank you for your help, but you should get going.”

“Are you sure you don’t need any more help?”

“Not for now. Please, go enjoy the rest of the afternoon with your girlfriend.”

I only need to wait a second after knocking on the door before I hear the man on the other side beckon me to enter. When I open it and Nurse sees who it is, he stands up to greet me with a smile.

“Nakai, in the flesh! How are you?”

The door closes behind me. “Pretty good, all things considered. Dr. Toshinori said I should check in with you when I got back.”

He waves me off. “He let me know you’d be here. He wanted me to give you a standard checkup.”

“He didn’t mention anything like that when I talked to him the last time...”

Nurse moves with practiced ease to the filing cabinet where my records are stored, taking a few seconds to extract them. “I’m not surprised. He probably just wants me to see if you’ve been following his orders.”

I scoff. “Joke’s on him, I’m used to it by now,” I say, hopping up to sit on the exam table and remove both of my shirts.

He takes a few minutes to go through his routine, listening to the rhythms of both my heart and my lungs in half a dozen places. He pays extra attention to the new scar on my chest, examining it from two or three angles before he nods and makes a few notes on his pad. “Looks like the surgery went well. Any issues?”

I wince slightly as I pull my undershirt down over my head, taking a half second to catch my breath afterwards. “Not really. Just a little soreness but it’s getting better. Do you think the incision has healed up enough to go swimming?”

Nurse notices and takes an especially close look at how I continue to dress myself, no doubt noticing that I’m slightly favoring my left arm. “I don’t see why not, if your arm can handle it. Just follow the standard precautions you always have. Start slow and ramp up from there.”

“It will feel good to get in the pool again, for another day or two at least.”

He ends up sitting down in his chair, tearing off the sheet of paper he was writing on and inserting it into my file. “Are you going to keep up swimming after you graduate? It’s worked really well for you.”

“Yeah, I think so. I’ve learned to enjoy it.”

“Good,” he says, closing the file and rotating to face me, giving me his full attention. “What other plans do you have after graduation, if you don’t mind me asking?”

(continued...)

[Eurobeatjester]

I frown. “Well, the original plan from a few months ago was to maybe move down near Tokyo, but I’m not too sure if that’s still happening. I don’t really have a specific cram school I’m looking at, but I’m sure I can find one wherever I end up going.”

“Finally settled on becoming a wandering ronin, eh? How are your folks taking it?” he asks, leaning back a bit and steepling his fingers.

“They’re...supportive, but they’re a bit unsure.”

“If it helps any, that’s pretty common. I mean, you are graduating. Your parents are probably just as anxious as you are.”

I reach up to scratch a spot on the back of my neck. “It seems like it’s more than that. They didn’t have much of a problem when I got the surgery early but when I mention moving out…”

He smirks. “Like I said, it’s a lot more common than you think it is. Even more so with Yamaku students.”

“How do you figure?” I ask him to clarify, and then it’s his turn to turn serious.

“Yamaku is a pretty special place. It not only helps students that need it, but provides a place for them where they can be themselves, or at least a place that’s safe enough where they can figure out exactly what that might mean. Once they leave here though, well...the so-called ‘real’ world has its challenges. If you’re the type of parent that wants to protect their child, it can be hard to deal with that.”

That statement and the way he makes it gives me pause.

Maybe that is part of the reason my parents are acting the way they are. I know things would have been different for me this last year if I didn’t come to Yamaku. I know I’d still have my old friends there, but...I wouldn’t be the person I’ve ended up becoming if I had stayed.

I’ve learned to accept my condition as a part of myself...and honestly, I don’t know how or if that might have happened if I was still at my old school.

Yeah, all things considered...I’m fairly okay with who I am at the moment.

Just as easily as his words assure me about my own situation, they make me frown when applied to Saki’s. When I think about what her brother told me when I met him in the hospital, “protect their child” has a new meaning.

Nurse notices my change in demeanor and cocks his head slightly. “Everything alright?”

I shake my head. “Sorry. It’s been a long few weeks. Months, even.”

He chuckles slightly. “I’d say it’s been a long year at this point, wouldn’t you?”

“Okay, a little over a year.”

“You’ve done pretty damn well for yourself.”

I flush and look down at myself. “You think so, huh? Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, honestly.”

“You’ve done better than most, especially with how you ended up here. Transfer students are...tough,” he frowns. “Especially if it takes place mid-year. Usually anyone who comes to Yamaku like that is trying to deal not just with being here, but whatever it was that caused them to need to be here in the first place.”

My hand moves up to the back of my head and I laugh. “When you put it that way…”

“Keep it up,” the older man says. “Let me know how you’re doing from time to time. You still have my number.”

I nod. “I will.”

“Only a few days left until graduation. How are you planning on filling out the time?”

“Just was planning on winging it through tomorrow. Friday is the music department’s recital, and then we graduate the next day…”

“When are your parents coming up?”

“They’ll come up for the graduation, and stay at a hotel in town. Then they’ll help me pack the next day so I can go back with them.”

Nurse stands up. “Sounds like a solid plan. Well, with that, I think it’s time to get around to the formalities.” When I look at him in slight confusion, his face relaxes into a smile. “You’re cleared. You’ve done a really good job. I’m proud of you, Nakai.”

I stand up and bow. “Thank you, sir.”

“No need to thank me, you were the one who did all the work. If I don’t see you in the next day or two, I’m sure I’ll run into you during the graduation ceremony. When you see Enomoto, thank her again for the fish,” he says, turning his head.

I follow his gaze, taking a look in shock at the small tank, tucked away at the corner of his desk where it sits snugly against the wall. I can’t believe I didn’t notice it when I first came in.

“You ended up getting it from her room?” I ask, bewildered.

He nods. “After what you told me, and finding out that she’d be gone for a few months, well...I had to perform a rescue mission,” he finishes with a wink.

I take another step towards it, getting a closer look. I can see my fish in it, the one Saki gave me at the festival. It’s swimming happily among three other fish that were Saki’s, all of them making lazy laps around the ridiculous pirate skull - the skull itself anchored into a bed of equally ridiculous pink gravel.

I smile. “I will. It looks good there, I must admit.”

He laughs. “It’s gotten a few interesting comments, for sure. See you around, Nakai.”

The locker closes shut, securing my bag and the clothing I was wearing a few moments ago. The room is empty except for myself, which makes me think and hope it will be a similar situation in the pool itself.

My sandals pace out a loud cadence against the walls, the tunnel effect of the short passageway between the pool and locker room amplifying the sound considerably. I can already hear splashing coming from around the bend, and when I turn past it and step into the pool area, I can see the cause.

“I see you didn’t want to wait for me,” I say.

Saki turns towards the sound of my voice and smiles when she sees me from the far side of the pool. She takes a breath and sinks under the water, pushing off the wall and taking off like a shot. Her legs gracefully kick a few times to keep up the momentum, and she surfaces in front of me.

“Nurse gave you the okay?” she asks.

I toss my towel over towards the spa, having it land next to the lip so I can use it later. “Yep! For a little bit, at least.”

“Come on in. It feels amazing.”

<<Art by Clover>>

I turn my head towards the stairs at the end of the pool, but when I confirm that it’s just the two of us here, I get a different idea instead. With a huge grin on my face, I cover the distance to the edge of the pool in two long strides and jump off into the air. I pull my knees up to my chest and hit the water with a loud splash, the echoing boom of which gets dulled to a soft roar when my head falls under the surface.

When I unfold my body and come back up, Saki’s laughing. “That’s the first time you’ve done that.”

I slick my hair back out of my eyes. “I’ve always wanted to. I figured now was as good a time as any.”

“At least you can do that much. I can’t even dive with how shallow this is.”

“How’s it feel to be back in the water?”

Saki leans back and smiles, closing her eyes as the water buoys her. “Incredible. I’ve missed this so much. You?”

“You’re right. This does feel pretty damned good.”

“Want to do a few laps?”

I look at the clock at the far end of the pool, something I’ve done many times when trying to battle it for every second I’ve managed to drop. I have no idea how I’d do now, even if I tried to push it, but I have to start somewhere, right?

“Sure, but I’m not expecting anything special,” I say, and she laughs in response.

It takes a few seconds for us to get into position down at one end of the pool, and when the second hand completes its arc around the top of the clock, we both start to swim. Saki instantly shoots ahead of me, but that’s to be expected. I’m much more focused on how my own body is moving to worry about trying to catch her.

As I propel myself down the lane with a series of kicks and strokes, I definitely notice how out of practice I am, along with a dull ache in my chest. It’s definitely coming from the pacemaker, but instead of being urgent, it seems to just be the soreness of protesting muscles as the flesh around the area gets worked and stretched in ways it hasn’t since the surgery.

I was right not to expect any miracles. I don’t get close to my fastest time, but I do notice that I was faster than I was when I first started swimming, and I’m pleasantly surprised by that.

More importantly, I didn’t slam my head into the wall this time.

The door to my room creaks slightly as I open it, stepping past the threshold for the first time in several months. Saki follows behind me, and both of us set our bags on the floor next to my dresser.

“You’re sure you’re okay with helping me tomorrow?” I ask.

“Noriko already helped me pack up almost all my stuff.” she answers. “I just have a few more things.”

“I’ll give you a hand with whatever you have left, if you want.”

“Just a few clothes left. I gave Nurse my fish tank and the food, I turned all my books back in and my sheets and blankets are folded. I just have a few things left to get me through the next few days.”

“Wait, you packed the bed up already?”

“Since I’m staying here with you, why not?”

I laugh, loosening the knot in my tie to pull it up and over my head. “I guess that’s one way to handle things. Can you hand me my bag? My pills are in it,” I say, starting to work the buttons of my shirt to open it. I didn’t bother putting the undershirt back on since both of us were simply walking from the pool to the dorm, and the cool air of the room hits my skin as the fabric falls open.

Saki gives me a hand, holding the bag out towards me. I take it and rummage through it for a second, coming up with the container I was looking for. Even though I’m only here for a few days, there’s a week’s worth of medication neatly separated in little labeled compartments corresponding to each day. I quickly empty the pills I need into my hand, and grab a bottle of water from the pack on my desk to wash them down.

“Better?” she asks, sitting on the edge of my bed facing me, her thighs and legs shifting as she does so. She didn’t bother to change back into the normal uniform, instead opting for her gym outfit.

I nod, taking a deep breath after emptying what seems like half the bottle in a single pull. “I am now. Thank you,” I say, and bend down to set the bag next to my bed.

(continued...)

[Eurobeatjester]

As I lean forward, Saki reaches out and uses her fingertips to gently redirect me so my face comes down towards hers. She cranes her chin up and gives me a kiss, holding me captive against her lips by cupping my cheeks with her hands. The contact lingers on, both of us reveling in the feeling of something we’ve both been needing and missing for months.

I pull my head back slightly to look into her eyes, the two dark pools threatening to pull me under. My heart flutters slightly, and I feel my face instantly grow as hot as her own is turning.

“At least let me finish taking my shir-”

“No,” she whispers fiercely, cutting me off. Her hands move down to the collar of my shirt, and tightly ball up the fabric there into clenched fists. With a burst of strength, she pulls my face down to crash my lips against hers again and doesn’t ease up, leaning back and practically hauling me on top of her. The water bottle goes flying, and my arms barely manage to keep me from landing with my full weight on top of her in my shock. Saki doesn’t seem to care about that, moving her arms to lock around my neck and giving a gravelly moan into my mouth.

I might be the one on top of her, but she’s definitely the one in control. There’s a hunger, a need in the way she moves against me, trying desperately to press as much of her body against mine as possible.

It’s the same heat that was in her kiss at the hospital, the red glow of which rises up to dull all other thoughts and set the edges of my consciousness burning.

We keep this up for a few moments, our heartbeats and breaths coming faster yet not synced. I’ve wanted this for months, but the way her moans lilt into pleas that go beyond a physical need keep me from fully abandoning myself...and as much as I want to, it’s a feeling I simply cannot cast away.

I don’t know if Saki feels my slight hesitation, but she surprises me when she redoubles her effort. She wraps a leg around my waist, bracing with her arm to push me sideways. I give in to the effort, and when I fall to the side, I roll onto my back. She’s on top of me again instantly, the way she was our first night, but there’s no sense of wonder or pausing the way there was back then. Her tongue lays claim to mine as she somehow manages to kiss me even deeper, and my head starts to swim.

With one smooth motion, she sits up and takes her shirt off, casting it aside. Her hands grab mine and place them roughly on her chest, my fingers sliding along the slick red fabric of her bra. I glance down for a second to see that somehow in that exchange, she managed to slide her shorts down and off her legs.

She bends down and kisses me hard again, rocking her hips on mine. After a few more moments, I can feel my body reacting, but...not as quickly as either of us would like. My face is already red, but the longer this goes on without the desired result, the reason for it shifts from lust to frustrated embarrassment...which doesn’t exactly help the issue.

This time Saki definitely notices, her low growl showing that she’s just as frustrated as I am.

“S...sorry,” I manage to stammer out. “I just-”

Before I can finish my objection, she scoots down my body, resting on my lower legs. I barely have time to process that before her fingers are at my waistband, working the buckle of my belt with a deft precision. In only a few seconds, she undoes both it and the button on the top of my pants, managing to free me to the open air of the room.

“Saki, wait a-” I try to speak, but my words turn into a gasp as she leans forward and takes me in her mouth. She usually starts slowly, but the desperate pace she’s been setting so far keeps up. She moves her head insistently, trying to do what the earlier contact couldn’t.

While I’m certainly not complaining, the energy this time is different than any time in the last few months. A part of me knows she’s just doing this as a means to an end, but that part barely registers as a shadow through the thick fog that’s clouding my mind.

It doesn’t take long before Saki succeeds, my body finally deciding to fully cooperate, even if my mind isn’t quite there yet. She lifts her face off of me to look at me with eyes drowning in desperation.

“Please. I need this,” she whispers.

I nod reluctantly, thinking that I’ll have a minute to brace myself, or get my swirling mind under control while she takes off her underwear at least...but I’m wrong again. She quickly positions herself over me, using one hand to hold me and the other to pull the fabric to the side. I groan through gritted teeth as she sinks down on me, and she doesn’t even give me time to adjust before she starts moving her hips again.

“Ahhh...Hisao…” she hisses, leaning back and bracing her hands on my lower thighs, using them for leverage as she keeps up her motions. Her breath is coming in ragged gasps, her eyes closed and brow furrowed...merely using me as a way to climb towards a peak with reckless abandon. My own breathing is a bit labored as she forces me to try and keep pace, but uncaring if I can’t. The soreness in my chest starts to remind me with increasing insistence that I need to slow down, but I try to hold on.

Saki twists her body slightly, and the spike of sensation almost becomes too much to handle. My entire body tenses up for a split second, and the dull ache below my left collarbone changes to a brief flash of pain. My hands slide down to her waist and grip hard instinctively, trying to hold her or to slow her if only for a second so I can catch my breath...and that’s when it happens.

When I forcibly stop Saki’s movements, her momentum pitches her forward and she tries to catch herself. The heel of her hand solidly lands right where my pacemaker incision is.

I scream, all thoughts of pleasure or lust instantly seared away from the white hot lance of pain that explodes across my upper torso. Saki in her shock falls off of me and somehow manages to stay on the bed, but I can’t focus on anything else at the moment as my hand clutches at my chest and my breath comes to me in torn, shallow gasps.

“Hisao? Hisao!?”

“God damn it, Saki!” I choke out, tears forming in my eyes. The scar feels like it’s on fire, and there’s a dull throbbing spreading from the muscles around it. When I partially sit up and turn to look at her, I can’t tell what type of face I’m making, but...it’s probably not a good one.

She’s looking at me like it’s the first time she’s actually seen me since we got to my room.

Her eyes are large and worried as she looks me over, seeing both the physical - and emotional - pain that I’m in. When she realizes that she’s the reason for it, they glisten with tears.

“Y...your heart?” she manages to stammer out, her voice quiet and broken.

“No, the pacemaker,” I answer her, sitting up completely. I start to ease the pressure with which I’m covering the area in question, causing a new wave of discomfort to beat in time with my pulse...but one that’s starting to subside. I lean forward and take a few deep breaths, trying to ground myself.

One. Two. Three. I count each breath as it goes in and out, and my muscles finally start to unknot themselves. There’s still pain, but I can confirm not coming from my heart.

“I’m sorry...I’m sorry…” she says, causing me to turn towards her again. She’s retreated to the farthest corner of the bed, her back pressed against the wall. She has both my pillow and her knees pulled up to her chest, trying to remain as small as possible.

“It’s...it’s okay…” I try to assure her, but she bursts out crying, burying her face into the pillow.

“I hurt you. I hurt you…”

“I’ll be okay,” I tell her again, rubbing my chest. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.”

She sobs harder, shrinking into herself even further...and a new pain washes over me as the sound cuts me to my core.

I move over towards her, the bedsprings creaking. She doesn’t give any reaction to this, but visibly flinches when I get close enough to put a hand on her shoulder. Her face turns towards mine, her eyes red and cheeks wet.

“I...I’m sorry,” she says again, looking away. “I’m going to go, I should go…”

Saki unfolds herself quickly, using her momentum to scoot forward past me and dangle her legs off of the edge of the bed. When she stands up, I finally register what she’s doing and reach out to grab her wrist.

“Saki, stop.”

“I hurt you, I can’t stay here tonight, Hisao, I-”

This time it’s my turn to pull her towards me, spinning her body so I can wrap my arms around her in a fierce hug as she falls into them. She goes absolutely rigid when I do this, as if she’s a trapped prey animal, but I don’t let go.

“What, you’re just going to walk out of here wearing your bra and underwear?”

My attempt at humor doesn’t get her to relax, but it does cause her to fall quiet.

“I’m okay, Saki.”

This causes her to start to cry again, and she leans heavily into me as all the strength leaves her body. “I’m sorry...I was only thinking about myself and I-I didn’t mean-”

I cut her off by taking her chin in my hand, tilting it up towards my face, and giving her a quick kiss. “I’ll be fine...just...please go a little slower, yeah?”

She nods, but still seems unconvinced...and despite my assurances that I’m fine, the mood is completely gone. I think we both realize that there’s no way it’s coming back.

“I...don’t think this is going to happen tonight.” I say. “Come on. Let’s get some rest for now. We have the whole day together tomorrow.”

Her eyes search mine for a few seconds, their depths making me ache with how they drink every bit of light around us. She gives me another kiss, but this one doesn’t feel like the other ones did. There’s no lust, or desperation, or any sense of trying to instill either of those in me. Instead, it just feels…

Right. It feels right.

“I love you so much. I don’t deserve you, not after what I did-”

“I already told you, my chest is fine-”

“-not that. Kayoko. Maeda. Chisato, sensei...” she continues, resting her brow in the crook between my neck and my shoulder. “It doesn’t matter how careful I try to be, I always hurt the people close to me. Even my brother’s been getting mad at me...”

“Kayoko wasn’t your fault. You’re not responsible for the way Maeda feels. And Chisato-”

I stop myself when I say Chisato’s name. I know that she still wanted to play at the recital with Saki, according to their teacher...and that she wanted to talk to Saki when we meet in town later this week. But I’m not supposed to know about the recital, or what Mrs. Sakamoto mentioned to me.

Seeing Saki broken like this, it takes every fiber of my being not to tell her I know about it, or that her teacher is working on something. I just want to give Saki any type of hope I can, but…

No. Mrs. Sakamoto is right. If I say something and it doesn’t work out, then I don’t know what it will do to Saki. If she’s like this right now, then…

“...well, Chisato wanted to get together and talk, right? That must mean something.”

I feel her nod against me. “I’m scared, Hisao. Of everything. Chisato, the recital, my father, you-”

“Me? Why are you scared of me?”

She hesitates. “I’m scared of how much I love you.”

I blush. “I guess that makes two of us,” I admit to her, and to myself. As soon as the words leave my lips, I know that they’re true - just as much as and more so than they were the night in the park.

“What are we going to do, Hisao?” Saki asks me, her tone feeble.

I know she doesn’t just mean for tonight. What are we going to do after graduation? What are we going to do about us?

We’ve avoided talking too much about it. Saki’s been using her isolation as an excuse, the same way that I’ve been using my pacemaker surgery. Then when that didn’t work, we decide instead to talk about things like graduation.

I’m pretty sure the reason is because neither of us have any idea.

(continued...)

[Eurobeatjester]

“I could still come up and see you, with my brother...he’s going to be heading back there more to oversee the new branch,” she says. “We’d get to spend some time together then.”

“How often will he be coming up?”

I feel her sag again slightly. “Every three months…”

“That’s not enough,” I confess, instinctively wrapping my arms around her tighter. “I could barely handle two months. I don’t know if I want to do that again.”

She presses into me further. “So, what then? Do we just do what Mitsuru and Chisato are doing and...break it off after graduation?”

“I don’t want to do that either...do you?”

I feel her shake her head. “No...but…”

We fall silent for a few moments.

“...it’s not going to get better,” she timidly starts. “Me. I’m not going to get better. It’s not fair-”

“Saki-”

“-to you. It’s not fair to you,” she continues, ignoring my protest. “How long will we be able to stay together? We get together every few months, we do that for a while and then I get worse...what happens when I can’t use my cane anymore and I have to use crutches? Or when those don’t work and I have to use a wheelchair? How long can we keep this up?”

Her voice is breaking, and everything she’s saying is resonating painfully. These are thoughts I’ve allowed myself to have, but I’ve done little more than just that. I haven’t put too much effort into answering those questions, and every step I take down those paths gets darkly clouded.

“It’s not fair for you to spend the best years of your life with the worst years of mine.”

“Saki, you’re the reason this last year has been the best year of my life,” I blurt out, my vision blurring.

She lifts her head from my shoulder to look into my eyes, and there’s a small spark of mischief. “Well, I know I’m not that incredible,” she starts to tease, but there’s a sadness underlying the way she says it.

I don’t let up. “If it had to happen, I’m glad it happened the way it did. I never would have met you. I don’t know if I’d be the person I am right now if it wasn’t for you. I do know I’m not the person I was.”

All traces of humor leave her face as she stares at me intently. “Hisao…how?”

“Hm?”

“H...how do you know you’ve changed?”

I’m taken aback, but only for a second. “The pacemaker. Honestly, even before all of this became, well, normal, I don’t think I would have been able to do it.”

Saki takes a deep breath when I say this, closing her eyes. When she lets it out slowly, she opens them again and stares down. “I’m sorry, again. Not just for that.”

At least she’s calmed down from earlier. I feel a weight lift off my mind, and remind myself again of how many are weighing down on hers. “It’s okay. Really.”

She nods, but still averts her gaze.

“Why do you want to know?” I ask. “It seemed like, well, a bit of an odd way to phrase it.”

She shifts, settling back into my arms and conveniently turning her face away from me completely. “It must feel nice.”

“What do you mean?”

“To be able to answer that question. To know for sure that you’ve changed. I wish I had something like that. Something I could just look at for sure and go ‘yep, that was when I knew.’”

“There’s nothing like that you can think of?

“There was, but...well, I guess it doesn’t matter now, since it didn’t happen.”

The recording.

That recording meant so much to her. She had poured sweat and tears into it, to write and learn the music. She even learned a new way of playing her violin to compensate for the problems she was having.

She wanted to have something tangible that she would leave behind, some proof that she existed in this world. Something that would prove her father wrong. Something that only she could have done at only that specific time of her life, because factors might never line up again as perfectly as they did. Yamaku, meeting Mrs. Sakamoto, Chisato, even Kayoko. Being able to work together to create something that didn’t exist before, even if it was something as simple as a piece of music for a recital. It might have started that way, but it ended up meaning so much more to everyone involved.

All the pieces were in place, and at the last minute, it fell apart for her. Chisato was still able to pick up enough pieces to put together something with a tremendous amount of effort on her part and the part of others, and it worked.

Saki lost her chance, and then her choice.

My hug gets a little tighter in response.

For the second time tonight, I’m tempted to say something. Mrs. Sakamoto worked incredibly hard to guide Chisato to keep sight of her goal, even if the path there was disrupted, and there’s not a single doubt in my mind that she wouldn’t put in the same amount of effort into helping Saki...which once again gives me faith that she knows what she’s talking about.

I can’t talk about that, but I do know what I can talk about.

“I want to try,” I say.

She’s a bit surprised at this. “Try? Try what?”

“Us. I want to try us. After Yamaku.”

“Yeah? You do?” she says, looking up at me.

“Yeah. I know it’s not going to be easy, but...well, it has to start somewhere. Even if it is every three months. And...I know it might not work out,” I wince. “But if it doesn’t, I don’t want it to be because we didn’t try.”

Saki doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, as a flood of emotions play out on her face. She finally starts to tear up, and she moves her head forward. I respond instantly, closing my eyes and pressing my lips to hers.

We stay like this, completely enveloped in one another. Her essence fills my head and my senses, and just as inevitably, my heart.

I would not be who I am without her.

I’ve changed. I want to keep changing.

The kiss ends, and we simply hold each other.

“I don’t have any idea how we’re supposed to do this,” Saki mumbles against my shoulder.

“Me neither. But I’m pretty sure we’ll find a way...but...probably not tonight. We’re both too out of it right now. Can we put off figuring out the logistics until we’re both up to it?”

Saki starts for a second, then gives a relieved laugh. “Okay.”

“We should get some sleep. It’s been a long day.”

She sighs, some of her apprehension returning. “You’re right. I’m probably going to spend most of the day rehearsing with sensei. I’m...rusty.”

“Is that why you’ve been leaving your violin at the band room?”

I feel and hear her grumble her disapproval at my question, but she answers anyway. “Kind of. After I wasn’t able to take it home, once I got back, I was just so angry I couldn’t even look at it. But...I can’t do that anymore. I need to try.”

“What changed?” I ask.

“I think...I want to give it my best. Not for sensei, or Chisato, or Kayoko. I want to do it for me.”

I chuckle before I can stop myself when I hear her say that, and she pulls away again to look at me with offended surprise that I could ever find that confession humorous.

“What?” she demands.

“You wanted to know if you’ve changed. Would the old you have said that?”

Saki thinks about this for a few seconds. “I...don’t know…”

“So it’s a start, then?”

She shakes her head and sighs in mock exasperation. “You’re an idiot.”

“And despite that, you’re here right now.”

“That’s because you’re my idiot.”

“Yep, and you’re stuck with me.”

Saki wraps her arms around me at this, and the two of us fall over backwards again. She turns as she lands, ending up curled against my side, the way she was at the hospital. Her hand splays out across my bare chest, gently tracing the outline of my old scar with her fingertips.

“I can think of worse ways to pass the time,” she confesses.

A few moments pass like this, our bodies and minds relaxing. Right here in this moment, there’s no place I’d rather be. Tomorrow is a new day, but for right now, there’s nothing but us.

“Hisao?” Saki asks, her voice barely a whisper. She stops her hand, resting it on my heart.

“What is it?”

“You know I’m going to end up hurting you, right?”

I move my hand to cover her own, brushing the knuckles lightly before linking our fingers.

“Yeah. I know.”

<< Previous Chapter :: Next Chapter >>

[Blackmambauk]

Boo yah, another chapter down and another chapter full of much events and ups and downs. I honestly had final countdown playing in my head while reading it. Which made it awkward and hilarious in places.

Good to see you are still writing and i hope your job is still going alright and they are not overwhelming you and giving you proper protection so you aren't at risk of infection. Been in lockdown for three weeks now since i'm on furlough scheme UK gov set up and this week it's really starting to get to me being around home all the time and not having gone out outside of the village i live in since end of last month. It's actually made me miss my 80 round commutes to and from work. At least the weather has been nice so that i can do my daily walks and shopping.

Anyways back to the chapter at hand. It's great to see everyone back at Yamaku (sans Chisato) and Hisao mostly fine from his pacemaker surgery. Yet the tensions are still clearly there and the next chapter or two will likely see harsh words and strong feelings spoken again between Chisato and Saki, something i'm so looking forward to seeing and hopefully reconciliation between them. Especially since its still clear to see that the recording bust up hangs over everything and Sakimoto's mention of her looking into Saki possibly doing a recording gives that slight hope that Saki can record something for herself.

Love the bit with Hisao doing a running bomb into the pool, nice way of lighting things up and for Hisao to remind us he's still a teen. [url]Top bombing for sure.

and once again you outdone yourself with another top smut scene that really nails teenage lust, longing after so many months away and the realities of Hisao's pacemaker playing up so soon after the surgery and Saki's guilt that brings up old feelings. and yet we see here the growth of both and how Hisao handles it truly does show how far he has come.

Great job as always mate and looking forward to seeing more soon.

Take care and stay safe

Blackmambauk

[Alex FRD]

she undoes both it and the button on the top of my pants, managing to free me to the open air of the room.

Nice.

“Saki, wait a-” I try to speak, but my words turn into a gasp as she leans forward and takes me in her mouth.

Double nice.

Another great chapter, Euro. Feels like we're nearing the end of an incredible odyssey, it's been a fantastic ride so far.