Act I: Whisper
White void
An entire week has passed, and in this class, I can’t remember any name. A loud pink-haired disturbs me, but it seems she’s always like that. This was already the case during the previous years, and I guess it won’t change. Maybe she makes up for her deaf friend, but that doesn’t change the fact she disturbs many people. It was a banal week, not for my heart, that being said.
My first day of swimming was pretty intense. I never was an excellent swimmer, I can’t swim for a long time. After a few lengths, my heart beats like crazy, and I need to take long breaks. I knew it would happen, even if I try my best to swim at a slower pace when it happens. Every time my heart is at the wrong pace, I’m scared. Even if I take my pills every day, the same fear consumes my mind.
However, I love my swimming suit. I think it suits me well. As plain as it is, I love it. My previous swimsuits were badly cut. They were at the right size, but I don’t know why they were badly cut in the chest area.
My progress will come out if I keep going. Early in the first year here, I started swimming before breakfast, but for once, I thought it would be a good idea to swim before dinner. I ask a swimming partner what time is it, half-past six. I was swimming for an entire hour.
One more length and I take my shower. The water in the shower is pretty hot, much more than the pool. I love hot water; it’s reassuring and comfy. The steam wraps me up; such a pleasant feeling. But I can’t spend my time taking a shower; my stomach thinks my throat’s been cut.
Ten minutes later, I’m heading towards the cafeteria, and some students do the same. In the line, I’m wondering what I can eat, and as usual, there aren’t many choices, except for students with specific diets. As the line slowly moves, someone pushes me a little.
It could be insignificant, but the same person wraps her arms around me. Only a few people do the same thing to me. I’m at school, so only Saki could do this to me. Her perfume speaks for her. I like her cuddles; they are so sweet. I’m very tall, so she must be on tiptoe, given the position of her arms.
“Want somebody to eat with?” She asks me.
“Of course, why would I say no? You’re always welcome.”
There are five or six people before us; I still have the time to choose my meal. Tonight, I don’t want to eat meat, so fish is a good choice. With some fried veggies, it will be perfect. Our turn comes, and I take my meal; Saki takes some vegetables and meat.
Her hands are shivering a bit, so I take her tray, and she searches for an empty table for two. I have some things to tell her; it’s the right moment to do so while sharing a meal. I take a bite of fish, it’s not bad, tasty and juicy. I always preferred fish rather than meat, but I would never say no to a good piece of meat.
Mom told me some bad news earlier in the week, and I need to tell Saki what she told me.
“You know my father is a heavy smoker, don’t you? Mom told me it’s gotten worse lately.”
“He knows you hate that, right? Why does he keep smoking?” She asks me, worried.
“It seems he’s been working more and more lately, and he’s exhausted. When he’s tired, he smokes a lot to stay awake. He knows I hate this thing, so every time I’m at home, he goes outside, but he doesn’t reduce his consumption.” I sigh.
She looks worried. My father always worked hard for us and I admire him for that. But he never takes care of himself; his family is his number one priority. Sometimes, I try to convince him to take care of himself, but every time, I talk to a brick wall.
“He still works late?”
“Yeah. You know the drill, a typical salaryman who takes work with him at home.” I’m afraid for him, really afraid.
“It’s okay, sweetie. He knows you’re scared for him, and he will change; I’m sure he will.” Saki is always confident about these things, but I know she says that to reassure me.
The rest of the meal is silent; the cafeteria’s atmosphere is peaceful. At midday, there is a certain bustle, but not during dinner. Fatigue is a vicious thing.
Somebody shows up in my field of view, a girl with her arm wrapped in a bandage. I don't know her name, but she’s a classmate; I always see her in the front row during classes. She’s with a girl with flashy blue hair who seems pretty tired. They look cute together, and given how they act together, they must be dating.
Once we are done, we clean our table and leave this place. Outside, the weather is lovely, not too warm, but not too cold. Heading towards the school gardens, I lie down in the grass under a tree. The grass is moist, but it’s a pleasant feeling. I feel like a child; when I was young, I loved to lie down in the grass with my mother.
Feelings surround your body, dampness, coolness, you lose all notions of time; it sucks your mind into a white void. At midnight, with my mother, when everything was quiet, my heart beats were the only thing that I could hear. Such a simple, yet wonderful thing. Just me and my mother. Nothing else.
“You know, when I was young, I thought I could touch the stars. I was amazed, as much as a kid could be. Sometimes, I wonder if stars are the souls of our ancestors. That’s childish, right?“ I giggle.
“We’re all children in our hearts. Children with broken bodies who are forced to act mature in a society not made for them. Don’t be ashamed to think like that.“ She smiles, her eyes closed.
The wind blows, quietly, peacefully. My hair goes wavy as I nearly fall asleep. I’m pretty tired. Everything is silent here, no noises, no car’s horn, no public works, just me, Saki and our friend, the wind. My mind finally reaches the white void, but all good things must end. We need to go back to the dorm.
Tonight, I’ll sleep tight, my mind is peaceful, and swimming tired me. I wish her a good night, kissing her on the forehead, and I reach my room. My pajamas wait for me on my bed. It’s a casual thing, a blue shorts with a black tank top. Even during winter, I put nothing else. Simple things are the best. I put it on me, and I go to bed.
Before I fall asleep, something pops up in my mind. It’s about my way of swimming. My swimming pace needs to be slower, and I have to increase my stamina. With this state of mind, everything will be better.
Then, I’m in the arms of Morpheus. That was a pleasant week. A tough start, but a nice finish.
