Infinite Promises - A Lilly Epilogue [updated 6/8]

[Mirage_GSM]

That's why I always recommend writing two or three chapters ahead of what you post...

[Jake Zero]

I'll keep that in mind for the future.

[gibzx]

That's why I always recommend writing two or three chapters ahead of what you post...

Yeah definitely learnt my lesson. I wanted to try different update schedules, so I attempted to release 1-1 on a one part weekly basis not thinking that doing so wouldn't allow me extra time to refine my writing. This time around I'll just release 1-2 in its entirety. I'm glad you're telling me all these tips Mirage, it has really helped me improve. Except higher quality updates in the future from me!

[Zerebos]

I've read a lot of Lilly/Hisao epilogues and fanfics, but I think this one is rather unique, I'm really liking it. Also your portrayal of Hisao's parents seems much different than what I'm used to, it's a nice change of pace.

[gibzx]

I've read a lot of Lilly/Hisao epilogues and fanfics, but I think this one is rather unique, I'm really liking it. Also your portrayal of Hisao's parents seems much different than what I'm used to, it's a nice change of pace.

I'm really glad you liked it! Hisao's parents are only given about three lines in KS, so their character traits are mostly a blank slate, giving me more liberty to give them unique personalities. I try to keep my characters interesting, and attempt not to repeat anything from other fanfics to keep things fresh. I mean, how many times have we seen Hisao's parents being depicted as generic japanese businessmen?

[Zerebos]

I mean, how many times have we seen Hisao's parents being depicted as generic japanese businessmen?

That and all the times I see Mrs. Nakai hate on the girl he brings home. That got old really fast.

[gibzx]

It’s been awhile huh? I promised to release chapter two by the end of March and here we are starting June. I actually had most of it written by March, but I grew to dislike the plot I was going with, so I scrapped nearly 10k words and restarted over and over until finally I found my mojo again. My schedule has been chaos for the past months, and had to deal with some situations that left me drained and with no creative juice to write. Good news is that my schedule is now empty as vacuum, and will be able to fulfil my promise of bringing you a chapter every month from now on.

On the bright side, the amount of delay allowed me to find a super talented artist, sorapoi, who I commissioned quite the large amount from (if it wasn’t obvious with how pimped out the fic is looking compared to last time), and to reflect on some aspects of my fic that I decided to change (such as the Act name).

This chapter is slightly shorter but sweeter than the last one. It also consists of only 3 parts compared to the previous 6 since I am now familiar with proper post size and found out that 150 lines in google docs is not 150 lines in the renai, more like 70.
It’s been so long that you’ve probably forgotten what the previous chapter was about in the first place, so go check it out again! In case you do remember the previous chapter, I still recommend you scroll through it again since it has a few new art piece in it.

As always, I encourage you to voice out any feedback about the story. It really helps me improve and get a better feel about where to take the story. Did I do fine writing from Lilly's perspective? It proved to be quite a challenge to write a scene without any visuals, but was very fun at the same time and look forward to getting better at it.

I will be releasing the second part two days from now to give me more time to proofread, format, and make any last minute changes. Part three will follow two days after part two. See you soon!

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Act 1: Conjecture

Losing Touch - Part 1

Mrs. Nakai’s high heels loudly enter the room and she places something in the table between us before rushing to take her seat. The aromatic smell of fresh tomato sauce is tantalizing—Italian cuisine no doubt. Hisao did mention that his mother was ‘one hell of a cook’ as he’d put it. We’re sitting at a square, maybe rectangular, table from the position of everyone’s voices. We must also be sitting near an open window, because I can hear crickets chirping outside, as well as the sound of the occasional car driving by in the distance. Hisao is sitting the in front of the window. Any slight shifting from him lets a gust of wind caress me.

“Lasagna? I didn’t expect that.” Mr. Nakai comments.

“Wasn’t the smell coming from the oven obvious, hun?”

“Well yeah, but I thought it was my old nose playing tricks on me…”

Hisao places a hand on my shoulder and gently tilts me to his side.
“Mom is a very traditional cook. She only makes western food during very rare occasions.” He whispers.

“What, you don’t like it, honey?” Mrs. Nakai’s mock sadness gives me flashbacks to Emi.

“Of course I love it! A surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one.”

“Nu-uh, I’m not buying it mom. How did you know this was going to be a special occasion?”

“Huh? You were visiting of course!”

“So you didn’t know I was bringing my girlfriend?” Hisao asks suspiciously.

“Well maybe I guessed from the phone call you dropped us this morning. ‘Bringing someone special’ doesn't have a lot of different meanings, you know sweetie?”

“And you just happened to have italian ingredients lying around even though you never cook with them?”

“W-well I went to buy them this afternoon, so they’d be fresh!” The slight waver in Mrs. Nakai’s voice not going unnoticed.

“When I called you this morning you told me you were at work so I had to make it quick.” Accuses Hisao, but there’s not ill intent behind his tone.

“Heh they gotcha there, Shiori, just drop it already.” Snides Mr. Nakai.

“Fine! I knew something was up when we last visited you at the hospital. Everytime we walked in to visit you, you always seemed disappointed and kept looking at the door as if expecting someone else to come. We thought it was those two girls… Misha and Shibuni I think? The one with pink drills and her blue pixie cut friend. But you still kept doing it anyways!”

“It was obvious, son. Ignoring your own parents is normal for your age, but ignoring those two cute girls at your bedside? Whoever you were waiting for had to be someone good.” Continues Mr. Nakai.

“After one of our visits we offered to drive the two girls home, and I took the chance to talk to them a bit and…”

“Let me guess, you interrogated them until they told you about Lilly huh?” Hisao finished the sentence for her, his tone containing mild annoyance.

“Not really, that Shibuni girl was happy to tell us! The pink haired girl was very reluctant to translate for her friend though…”

Hisao sighs heavily at this. “Damn, I forgot to account for that one…”

So Shizune finds out I’m staying and immediately breaks our truce, even after my boyfriend nearly died.
This is just like back in the student council, that mask-wearing, backstabbing-

“D-did she tell you anything else?” I nervously ask, not realizing how incriminating it must be that that is the first thing I’ve said since we sat down. But I need to know if they know the truth about why Hisao was in the airport that day.

“Huh? Not really. After I learned that my little boy got himself a girlfriend I wanted to learn everything else by myself!” The way she speaks about our relationship is very reminiscent of the way one would talk to a puppy. Tender, yet unable to hide the obvious excitement behind those words. Maybe I’m overthinking things. So far they haven’t given me any reason to believe that they have anything against me, quite the contrary, in fact.

“So!” Mrs Nakai claps her hands together and I can feel excitement seeping out of her. “Please, start from the beginning! How did you two meet?”

Hisao adjusts himself in his seat and places his hand over mine, giving it a light squeeze before letting go.
“I met Lilly for the first time during my second day at Yamaku. I got lost when looking for the library and wandered into Lilly’s tea room. Well, it’s not officially a tea room per se, just an unused room that Lilly repurposed as her tea room. Anyhow, Lilly invited me to have tea with her, and that’s pretty much our first encounter.” As he speaks, I hear Mrs Nakai stand up and cut the lasagna in the center. She walks around and places a piece in all of our plates.

“Two star-crossed lovers meeting in a secluded room, the beginning of a romantic tale, how lovely!” Mrs Nakai squeals in excitement as she retakes her seat.

“Didn’t you just hear him say that he wandered in there by accident? It couldn’t have been that secluded if he found it by sheer luck-OOF” Mr. Nakai is suddenly cut off and I hear him choke on his food.

“First of all, don’t talk with your mouth full. Secondly, don’t interrupt their story!” Mrs. Nakai scolds.

“B-but you’re the one who interrupted it first!” refutes Mr. Nakai.
“Shhh!”

What a peculiar couple these two are. I can hear Hisao hiding his chuckle by covering his mouth with his glass, but it only serves to make it echo.

“Anyway.” Hisao takes a sip of his drink before continuing. “She guided me to the library and invited me to have lunch with her and Hanako the next day.”

“Who’s Hanako?” Asks Mrs. Nakai
“Didn’t you just said we shouldn’t interrupt them until they’re finish-OOF”

“Mutual friend of ours. Well, at the time I didn’t know her too well. My only encounter with her prior to meeting Lilly ended with her running away from me…” Hisao’s voice trails off but quickly recovers by clearing his throat.

“Anyhow, to make it short: We three bonded and became friends. Lilly helped me adapt to the school and showed me around.” Hisao squeezes my hand as if to say, ‘just bear with me a little longer.’ My nervousness must be showing despite my efforts to calm down.

“Are you two in the same class?”

“I wish, but Yamaku has a class specifically for blind students. It’s incredible how many measures they take to accommodate everyone.”

“So if it hadn’t been for the tea room, you two would have never met. Oh how lovely, it surely was the strings of fate gently bringing you two together!”

“Fate? It was all because our air-headed son couldn’t find the library. And what do you mean gentle? Within the second day of his arrival he already has girls running away from hi-OOF Can you stop elbowing my sides, woman?! You’re going to seriously injure me one of these days!”

Hisao can barely contain his laughter now. I feel him shift his chair next to mine and put his arm around me.
“Don’t mind them. Pops likes making fun of me to purposely upset my mom.”

“It’s not my fault your mom looks so darn cute when she’s moody! She gives the cutest pouts I’ve ever seen. And when she’s angry, her face looks like a hissing kitten. Too adorable to take seriously. I wish you could see it, Lilly. It’s golden.” He seals his statement by giving a loud smooch to his wife, who returns with a contempt ‘Hmrph!”

“Yeah I know someone like that in Yamaku. She could give mom’s puppy eyes a run for their money.”

“I seriously doubt that, champ.”

“I’m glad you two find entertainment at the expense of my mental health,” Mrs. Nakai quips with a tone of mocked hurtfulness.

“They’re just joking around. When mom gets mad for real, ‘cute’ is the furthest description one thinks about. At least that’s what dad tells me, I’ve never actually seen her mad.”

“She’s only flipped out twice since we have met, and luckily it wasn’t at me either time. I swear her rage makes you feel like you’re on a tin in the ocean and she’s a hurricane…”

“AHEM” Interrupts Mrs. Nakai. “I don’t think that’s an appropriate story to tell when freshly meeting our son’s girlfriend, Ryuto. Why don’t we go back to their story, tonight is all about them, after all.” Her tone switches from a stern warning to a cheerful one on her last sentence.

“Fiiine. But, could you tell us the story instead, Lilly? Hisao’s way to narrate things puts me to sleep.” Mr. Nakai pokes at Hisao.

“I’m doing it on purpose. The faster you’re unconscious the faster I don’t have to deal with you, old man.” Hisao jabs back.

“Ahh, regained some of your wits, eh? Needs some polishing but at least you aren’t as dull as before.”

“Hush, both of you! You have five more days to go at it,so cut it out Ryuto.”

“But moooooom-ARGH-fine! I give up, ok?! I’d like my ribs very much intact.” These two are certainly an odd couple. Reminds me of Akira’s crude banter and horseplay with her boyfriend. At the time, I considered them childish, but now I’m unsure about what to believe.

Are these two couples an exception, or am I the weird one?

The rest of the dinner is spent with me and Hisao taking turns as we tell our story. Mr. Nakai listens quietly, every so often offering small commentary that earns him some form of punishment from Mrs. Nakai.
Mrs. Nakai herself doesn’t mind ignoring her own ‘no-interruptions’ rule, however, constantly putting her own romantic twists about fate or destiny, I’m glad she’s enjoying it. Having such a captivated audience member further eases my anxiety. We avoid telling certain parts of our story of course, like what happened after our first kiss in Hokkaido.
Or what happened in the bath in Hokkaido…
Our blindfold experiment in my room…
We had to expunge a lot of things from our tale, to say the least.

Eventually, we reach the point where I’m about to leave for Scotland, which means having to tell them about what truly happened in the airport. Will they blame me? Hisao did lie about what happened after all, and I doubt they take kindly to lies. Should I be the one to tell them the truth, or should Hisao? I don’t think I can do it, but I fear that my silence will just incriminate me further.

“Well, as much as we’d love to continue, it’s getting really late, and I have a lot to show Lilly tomorrow about our hometown.”
Hisao has saved the day, or at least bought me more time to think.

“He’s right sweetie, it’s already half-past midnight and we have work tomorrow.” Mrs Nakai agrees.

“Very well then. Hey champ, your mother and I didn’t touch your room since you left, she says its for privacy, but personally, I’m afraid what teenagers hide in their bedrooms these days. Why don’t you go up and make sure it’s presentable for a lady? We’ll keep an eye on Lilly here for ya in the meantime.”

“Y-yeah I better clean up some stuff real quick. I’ll be right back Lilly.” Hisao gives me a quick peck in the cheek as he leaves his seat and dashes to his room. I hear his footsteps fade upstairs before briefly coming back.
“You two better play nice with her, understood?” Hisao adds before he takes his leave once again, shortly followed by the sound of a door closing shut upstairs.

Silence hangs in the air as I struggle to find something to talk about. Anything related to our relationship could potentially lead to them asking about the airport. Or could they already know about the truth and that’s what they wish to discuss? Oh god.

“Lilly.” Mrs. Nakai breaks the stillness. “How much do you know about Hisao’s condition and his accident that lead him to Yamaku?”

“Everything, I hope.” I try to remain calm but my voice has a slight waver. I don’t like where this is going.

“When we got the call from the hospital after his heart attack, we feared the worst— that our son might not make it. As it turns out, something much worse happened that day that we did not count on, Lilly. We came to the hospital to find that our son was broken. And I’m not referring to his arrhythmia, I’m talking about who he was. We couldn't recognize who was laying in that hospital bed that day. It looked like our son, but that’s as far as the similarities went. The way he acted, the look in his eyes, his tone when he spoke… we thought he had been broken beyond repair, Lilly. Everyday we could see Hisao drifting further and further away, and him coming back just didn’t seem possible anymore. One’s own mortality is something no one of such a young age should face.” Mrs. Nakai’s voice begins cracking more and more as she continues, she must be on the verge of tears.

Mr. Nakai decides to pick up from where she left off. “When we got the second call about his episode at the airport, we thought to ourselves, ‘this is it, our son is gone.’ We practically had to force ourselves to enter his hospital room, the sight of him without *him* actually being there was… draining to say the least. We weren’t sure if we could face him again. We fully expected to see a husk of our former son, but when we entered, Hisao was still there—all of him. For him to rebound so quickly, we knew something had happened, that’s why we were so pushy about finding out about you.”

Mrs. Nakai takes a deep breath to calm herself and continue. “Seeing him so happy today, his demeanour when talking about you… we had completely given up on ever seeing our son like that ever again, and we believe that it was you that made that possible. We know that he was in the airport for you that day, Lilly, but we aren’t angry.”

“You have our deepest gratitude, Lilly.”

I hear them rise from their seats and walk to my side of the table.

“Thank you, Lilly Satou, for giving us our son back!”
Their voices are coming from a lower level despite them having just stood up. Are they… bowing?
“You are family to us now, Lilly. Please, call us Ryuto and Shiori. Make yourself at home as if it was yours, because the doors to our house will always be open to you!”

“I wasn’t broken, I was just lost,” interrupts Hisao from the doorway. From his parents reactions, they didn’t hear him return either..

He walks over and hugs me from behind, wrapping his arms around me tightly and burying his face in my neck. His next words are a gentle whisper, barely audible, meant just for me.
“You’re the one who helped me find my path again.”

This boy, there's something about him. The way he can take down all the walls I’ve spent years building with a single sentence. The honesty in his voice when talk. I don’t know what I would ever do without him.
“I love you, Hisao.”

His reply never comes.

“Hisao?”

He doesn’t say a word, everything is quiet. Too quiet, even. When did the crickets stopper chirping?
“Uhh… Hisao?” That's when I notice that the warmth of his embrace is gone. Not faded, but gone. One second he had his arms around me, and the next they were completely gone.
I stand up from my chair and extend my hand to look for him, but I can’t find him in any direction I search for.

If Hisao isn’t at his seat anymore, why is the wind from the window not blowing? I don’t recall anyone closing it.

“D-did Hisao go somewhere? Mr. and Mrs. Nakai?”

I try to sit down again, but fall to the ground when I lower myself. I could have sworn my chair was right here just a second ago.

“Hello?!” I call out in desperation

I received no reply. Or any form of sound, really, all I feel is the cold ground. But it isn’t the carpet I felt earlier, I can't recognize what it is. It’s textureless… cold and textureless.

“Anyone?” The word comes out as a barely audible whisper as I choke on my voice and tears start flowing down my face.

I don’t like this, I don’t like this at all.

“Hello, Lilly.”

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When my eyes dart open, it is not the hard ground that I feel, but the comfort of Hisao’s bed. His arms are wrapped around me and I can feel his exhales against my neck.

How strange, to dream about something that happened just the night before. I ponder upon what happened in the memory towards the end. It was nearly done after all, everything was the same except for the whole… emptiness part. We all shared a moment and retired to our rooms.
And that voice at the end was… familiar, yet foreign to me. As if I both knew who it was but at the same time had never heard them before. It makes no sense, those two things are mutually exclusive, and yet that’s how I felt.
I worry about how the memory ended, and what it could represent. Maybe everything and everyone disappearing around me was my consciousness slowly waking up and the dream fading away? No, this felt different.

Before I have time to expand on the matter, Hisao gently stirs awake and lets out a loud yawn, successfully derailing my train of thought.

I turn around to face him and search around for his messy hair, and give it a good rustling to take my mind off things.

“Hey.” He greets me with a peck on the lips.

“Hey yourself.”

“Slept well?”

“Like a baby.” Hisao’s bed is surprisingly much more comfortable than the one in his dorm room, despite the recent upgrade he gave it. Maybe it’s the luxury of not having to sneak off early in the morning that allowed to rest easy.

“I had a good dream too.” I add. It’s true for the most part, except for that last part of the dream, but it’s most likely nothing. I’d rather focus on the success that was yesterday.

“Was I in it?” He playfully teases.

“Yes, but not in the way you’re thinking.”

“I’m not the one with the ‘healthy adolescent sex drive’ you know? Plus, I never said anything it being a lewd dream.”

“Neither did I,” I counter.

“Busted. I also had a pretty good dream too!”

“Was I present in this lascivious dream of yours?”

He pokes me in the stomach repeatedly, he knows I’m ticklish around there.
“Now who’s making assumptions, huh?”

“H-hey cut it out!” I try to hold in my laughter in defiance, but I won’t be able to keep it up much longer.
“One day you’ll admit that the whole adolescent sex drive excuse is nothing more than that!”

“Hi-hisao stop! It’s n-not heehee” I begin to succumb to his touch. Thankfully, he stops a few seconds after.

“For your information, it wasn’t sexual nor were you in it. I had a dream that I was eating this huge bowl of delicious udon. When I finished it I became really mopey. But then, I would blink and poof, it was full again. That was pretty much it for the entire dream really.”

I can’t believe this is class 3-3’s star student and future science teacher.

“Hey, why don’t we make my dream real! I think I still remember a few good places around here that serve a good breakfast.”

He’s too innocent to criticize. ‘Dense’ would be a better word to describe him, but I prefer innocent.

| Next >

[Zerebos]

Ahh!! This is the first time in a fic I've actually loved Hisao's parents, this is great! It's weird to see Lilly faltering, even if it is just in her dream. KS and many fics continue with the 'perfect and proper' shtick. This is a good change up from that.

Also, so much art holy crap!! A cover piece, an act title card, AND art for both chapters? That's crazy!! But they look absolutely amazing, Sorapoi did an amazing job! The logo looks pretty sweet as well

[Jake Zero]

The way you mentioned Shizune was out of character for her. Prior to Lilly leaving for Scotland, she did all the work for her class and acted as though she were a proper member of the Student Council. Seeing Lilly work hard again, Shizune, in an act of kindness, gave Lilly some documents she needed. Lilly thanks the wrong person in kind, but when she hears no reply, she realizes it was Shizune, and the rest is history. Here, you paint her as though she's still an ass towards Lilly in spite of that.

[gibzx]

Ahh!! This is the first time in a fic I've actually loved Hisao's parents, this is great! It's weird to see Lilly faltering, even if it is just in her dream. KS and many fics continue with the 'perfect and proper' shtick. This is a good change up from that.

Also, so much art holy crap!! A cover piece, an act title card, AND art for both chapters? That's crazy!! But they look absolutely amazing, Sorapoi did an amazing job! The logo looks pretty sweet as well

Thanks! Hopefully I can keep things interesting as the story goes along.

The way you mentioned Shizune was out of character for her. Prior to Lilly leaving for Scotland, she did all the work for her class and acted as though she were a proper member of the Student Council. Seeing Lilly work hard again, Shizune, in an act of kindness, gave Lilly some documents she needed. Lilly thanks the wrong person in kind, but when she hears no reply, she realizes it was Shizune, and the rest is history. Here, you paint her as though she's still an ass towards Lilly in spite of that.

I was trying to paint them more as a sibling rivalry than enemies, y'know, constantly getting on each other's nerves but still unified by their blood. I guess I must not have made that as clear as I'd hoped .
Part 3 of this chapter actually covers some of this. I should've waited for the next 2 parts to be ready and post them all together—but I didn't want to delay things any further. I'll write this down as something to improve on.

[gibzx]

Part 2/3 is here! I hope you like it, I had fun writing this ones. I'll see you guys in two days when the final part is released. hope you enjoy the read!
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Act 1: Conjecture

Losing Touch - Part 2

The offer is tempting, but I already have specific plans in mind.

“What about you help me cook some breakfast for your parents instead?”
While I am 99.99% certain that they don’t mind my disability, I still want to show them that I will not be a burden to their son in the future. An action as small as cooking breakfast for them could make them see that I can be independant.
To a certain extent, at least. Hisao’s would still have to find the ingredients I need and arrange them in order, after that, all I have to do is mirror what my mother and sister taught me.

“Breakfast?... Oh right. I guess you wouldn’t really know, but, it’s already afternoon, Lilly. My parent’s left for work hours ago.”

What?

“1:35pm, to be exact. Huh, I guess that technically makes it lunch.”

“We slept for over thirteen hours?!”

“You did. I woke up about three hours ago. But the bed was just so comfortable and company was way too good to leave. So I just took a nap.”

I slept for more than half the day, and yet I don’t feel like I’ve rested at all. I’m full of energy, and my eyes aren’t heavy anymore. Yet… I still feel tired, one way or another.
No, drained is the word I’m looking for.
“Somehow I don’t think sleeping thirteen hours is normal…” I think out loud.

“Maybe you were super tired yesterday and didn’t realize it, happens when you’re under a lot of stress. Maybe the anxiety of yesterday’s dinner took a toll on you.” I feel his shift his weight to his right, scooting over and creating some distance between us so that we can sit up.
“When I first came to Yamaku I had many nights like that. No matter how early I went to bed I would still feel tired on the inside. Maybe it was just my medication though, I’m not really sure.”
He takes both my hands and helps me sit up, I think we’re facing each other, because I can faintly feel his exhales reach me.
“All I know is that I started sleeping well again after you confessed to me in Hokkaido.”

Hisao has a certain way with words when it comes to pillow talk. Whether it is after waking up in the morning or following our… cardiovascular activities, some form of honesty that I can only describe as pure surfaces in his demeanour. I sometimes wish that he was like this all the time, but maybe the peculiarity of it is what makes it so endearing.

Plus, Hisao being unbelievably dense has a silver lining. It means that he couldn’t fake moments like this even if he tried, and knowing that what we have is real is a feeling nothing could ever eclipse.

I let my hand slide up from Hisao’s chest until I find his face. I run my fingers through it for what must the millionth time, and yet I never get tired of the image that every one of his features form.
I am positive that I know every detail there is to know about it by now, every single line and curve, much like I know my own.



All details except one.

“Hisao… what do eyes look like?”

“Hm?” Hisao is pulled back to earth by my question, and I realize how vague that must sound.

“I uh… even though I can imagine what things look like, I am still… limited by certain aspects of sight.”
I take a few seconds to find the words I’m looking for.

“In order for me to form a picture in my head, what I touch must have depth and texture. Things like printed images or objects behind a case are tricky...” More like beyond my reach, honestly. I’m not someone to weep over my blindness, but it still makes me uncomfortable talking about the limitations it brings. I don’t think anyone likes being reminded of what they are incapable of doing.

“Well uhm… eyes have a lot of parts, but most of them are inside it and we can’t see it unless you were to dissect it. The only ones that you can see directly are the pupil, the iris, and the cornea.”

That’s not what I wanted to know, I’ve already learnt that during science lesson. Hisao must have noticed my displeasure in my expression, because he begins changing his approach.

“The pupil is the center of the eye, they are always black in color, for everyone. The iris is a ring that surrounds the pupil, and depending of how much melanin you have is what determines the color of someone’s eye. The more pigment you have, the darker your eyes will be.”

He’s not describing what I’m looking for yet, but he’s getting warmer.

“The cornea acts as a layer of protection for the pupil and iris. It is transparent and coats the parts of the eye that are exposed. The cornea is stationary, while the pupil and iris move around to track what we see.”

No… that’s not what looking for. I know most of this, the scientific names, its functions.

“What makes eyes expressive?” I correct my question.

“A person’s pupils change when they feel certain emotions. People that are lying have fidgety eyes that can’t look at someone for long. Pupils will expand when they feel scared or anxious, and dilate when they are exited or aroused.

Closer, but not quite what I meant to ask him. That information is new to me, but not what I need to know right now. What I need to know is...

“Why are eyes considered the windows to the soul?”
The words I’d been looking for leave my mouth before I even have time to process them.

“As in the metaphor?”

“Well, yes… In the books I’ve read I always see eyes being described as ‘windows to the soul’. How some eyes can tell the other person their true feelings… but what makes them do so? What do honest eyes look like?”

“I wouldn’t know, Lilly.”

“Pardon?”

“I get what you mean. I’ve read about them too—moments when you can look into someone’s eyes and know exactly what they are thinking and feeling, to a point so strong that you experience the same emotions yourself. But the truth is that I’ve never experienced that. I’ve never been close enough to someone that I could look them in the eye and know exactly what is going on with them.”

The words feel like a knife dug deep into my chest. Hisao must have noticed my change in posture, because I hear a faint oh crap coming from his direction. I feel my back and shoulders become heavy, far too heavy to keep a straight posture. I feel small, like the world is far too big.

“H-hey! Let me finish!” He takes my shoulders and gives me a firm shake back to my senses. “That came out really wrong! I didn’t mean it that way!” He gives me suffocating hug and begins rocking back and forth whilst apologising frantically without pause. “I’msosososososorry pleaseforgiveme Iswearthat’snotwhatImeanttosay Iamidiotok? Iloveyousomuchdon’teverthinkIdon’t
Pleasedon’tcry justletmeexplain-”

The ridiculousness of the situation incites a giggle from me. I’m overreacting, it’s far more likely that my blockheaded master of romance jumbled up his words again than him not actually having feelings for me.

“What I meant to say was that I’ve never experienced that whole ‘windows to the soul’ mojo with anyone, but I’ve experienced something far better with you.”

“What do you mean?” Now it’s my turn to be confused.

“Well Lilly, you eyes don’t exactly… express a lot of emotion, or any at all for that matter, that’s why I’ve never experienced that sort of thing with you.”
That one hurts just a wee bit, but his innocent tone reminds me that his intention is not to hurt my feelings, but merely his lack of proper choice of words.

Hisao takes a deep breath and thinks of what to say next, something he should've done since the beginning. Then again, if he thought before acting, I doubt he would’ve rushed into a suicide mission to intercept me at the airport. Maybe the entire reason we are together is because of his clumsiness, there’s certainly something very endearing about his lack of self-awareness.

“Lilly, even though I can’t look into your eyes and know what you’re feeling, everything else about you tells me what I need to know. Neither of us need sight to understand each other, and I love that about us.
I know you’re afraid when you hold me so closely, as if I were to vanish the second you let me go. I know you’re in love with me not only by your words, but because of your actions as well. The gentle touch of you fingers when you caress my face, the lightness of your lips when you kiss me goodmorning and goodnight, the closeness of your body against mine when we walk together. I… I think that’s way better than simply looking into someone else’s eyes, because it tells me far more than a single glance ever could.”

He takes my hand and places in against his cheek. “Plus, you still have beautiful eyes, y’know? Like a cloudy blue sky. They might not emote a lot, but they are certainly the most hypnotizing pair of eyes I’ve ever seen. Did that answer your question?”

“Yes.” I use what Hisao told me about eyes to draw the rest of his portrait in my head, and remember his sentiment. neither of us needs sight to understand each other.
“The pieces fit together now.”



The picture I had of him is finally complete, and it looks amazing.

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We spend what feels like another hour just laying in bed together, closed off inside our own corner of the world and talking about anything that comes to mind. There’s something very comforting about waking up next to someone you love, an endless sense of peace.

GRUMBLE

The conversation comes to a halt as Hisao’s stomach demands to be fed—that’s our cue to finally get up. It must be around three in the afternoon by now. We remain frozen for a few seconds, maybe we can stay here a while longer?

GRRRRRUMBLE

My own stomach decides to join the protest, surprisingly more vocal about it than Hisao’s. With the magic of the moment gone, our minds decide to catch up to our bodies, and hunger strikes us with full force. How tragic that the human body doesn’t accept love as a source of energy.
Getting the message loud and clear, we sit upright and begin our morning routine of stretches.

“I could eat a whale right now.”

“I’m quite famished as well.”

“Weeeeell.” Hisao’s words extending and stopping as he twists and turns his body. “Since making breakfast for the family is out of the question. Why don’t we Hrmmp go get something to eat like some udon and buy some groceries on the way back? We could stay up late waiting for my crack parents to come home, surprise them with a homecooked meal. Whatcha say?”

“That sounds like a great plan, Hisao. We should probably hurry up and shower, my insides are going to start cannibalizing each other soon.” I’m only half joking. I may have been fine when lost in the moment earlier, but as the bliss slowly fades away I start realizing just how badly I need to eat.

“Agreed. Let’s hurry up and shower then.” Hisao says as one of his arms wraps around my knees and the other provides support to my back. Once he has the position down, he picks me up and walks towards the shower with me in his arms.

“I’ve always wanted to do that. Turns out it’s not that hard! I only had to learn about how to direct weight to my legs and correct posture, and bam, I’m superman.”

The sensation of being carried is certainly an odd one, especially when I realize I haven’t been picked up since I was a little girl. “You sure you’re okay there?”

“Yeah, I’ll just consider it my workout for the day.” To prove his point, he puffs his chest and places more effort into hiding how much he’s struggling to carry me.

“My my, the instant your parents leave you pull such advances on me?” I tease.

“Huh? I was just thinking that it would be difficult for you to shower in a place you’ve never been in. Hell, even people with sight struggle to understand showers which aren’t theirs. Like this we can just help each other out as well getting ready faster. Two birds with one stone y’know?” We turn a corner and Hisao momentarily loosens his grip on me to grab something with the tip of his fingers. After some attempts, the door to the bathroom clicks open and he pushes it open, the humidity of the room providing a welcoming feeling. “Wait, don’t tell me you were thinking about… My my, Lilly, that blush is telling me I was correct.”

“I deny such allegations”

Hisao gently lowers his arm grabbing my lower body until finally I feel my feet touch the floor, once I’ve regained my footing, the lets go of me I hear him pull back the curtain to the shower.

“Well, I don’t think my stomach would forgive me if we delayed our lunch any further, maybe tonight?”

It… has been a while since we’ve spent the night together. I hadn’t thought about how our little getaway could affect our freedom to do such things. Maybe his parent’s busy schedules are more of a blessing than an inconvenience than I previously thought.

Still. I can’t be too obvious about such things. “O-okay. If you’d like to, I guess I wouldn’t mind.”

“Your act of innocence is betrayed by the redness of your cheeks.” He counters as he gives me a quick poke on the cheek. It’s only then than I notice how intensely warm my face is. I recall back to our conversation about how he knows what I’m thinking through small cues like these, and I start to become severely self-aware of my body.

"You tease me too much and one of these day's I'll get mad for real."

“Can't help myself, the expressions it brings out of you are too adorable. When I said I knew someone that could match my mother’s pout and puppy eyes, I wasn't referring to Emi. wink”

“Did you just say ‘wink’?”

“I thought it would be a cute line, but it kinda requires a wink for it to work. And since I couldn’t think of other ways to get it across…”

I can’t believe this is the same man who nearly died trying to get me to stay in Japan.

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Hisao wasn’t lying, those udon bowls were dreamlike. Then again, everything tastes much better when you’re hungry. We are walking back home together arm in arm with a few grocery bags in our free hands. The afternoon was uneventful, but pleasant nonetheless.I like simple things, and while I appreciate a good adventure once every so often, I don’t think anything compares to a traditional life.
We spent all day walking around and looking for the ingredients I needed, store-bought would have been fine, but Hisao insisted that he knew where the best butchers and vegetable sellers in the area.
"While my parents were at work —which is all day— I would wander around the city looking for fun things to do. I know it like the back of my hand." As he had said.
Waking up by each other's side to an empty house, taking a shower together, and spending the entire afternoon walking. I wonder if that's how everyday would be for us if we lived together.
After graduation, hopefully. I haven't discussed it with him, but I have plans to ask my parents for a place to stay in Chiba after I graduate, and maybe let Hisao move in without their knowledge. I hope they say yes, but after declining their summon, I'm unsure about where we stand. They haven't called since the day I rejected them, and I am too afraid to make the first move.

“We’re here, hold on a sec.” He lets go of my arm and I hear him dig into his pocket for his keys. “Open sesame!” He commands as he turns the lock and gently opens the door. He takes my hand once again and guides me inside. Quickly locking the door behind us, the takes the grocery bags from my hands and I hear him walk away toward the kitchen.
“I’ll put these in the fridge and try to find where everything is so that I can help you for tonight’s dinner. Why don’t you go ahead and slip into something more comfortable? Just follow the wall in front of you towards the right and turn left once it ends, the stairs should be there.” He shouts from the kitchen as I hear him open the fridge.

“Yes, don’t worry, I haven’t been in your house for long but the layout is simple enough to remember.”
I make my way upstairs, carefully ascending the stairs and ensuring I have a solid step, can never be too careful.

I finally arrive at Hisao’s room, or I hope it is. I close the door behind me and begin undressing. Half-way through I realise that I have no idea where our stuff is. After yesterday’s dinner I crashed on the bed and fell asleep as soon as I closed my eyes. I dig for any clue that I might have picked up without knowing. I think I heard Hisao drop something in the left side of the room when we first came in.
I decide that since i’m not in any rush, this is a good time as any to do some exploring. I find the doorframe once again and decide to start with the wall on my side of the room. I’t doesn't take long for me to find the lightswitch, as well as a circular object hanging from the wall whose texture resemble a dart board.

I make sure to make my time getting to know every nook and cranny of the room I’ll be staying for nearly a week. After about what I think is 10 minutes of feeling every piece of furniture and taking measurements in my head, I start getting an idea of what his room looks like.



The layout is easy to navigate, and there isn’t much in the way of furniture that I could bump into apart from the nightstands on each side of the bed. Our luggage is, as I had guessed, placed against the closet on Hisao’s side of the room. It is there and then that I realize that I didn’t pack anything comfortable apart from my pajamas. I was so busy choosing outfits to impress his parents that I forgot about everything else. I’m sure Hisao won’t mind sharing some of his clothes with me.

I run my hands along his suitcase until I find the lock, a simple flick of the handle incites a click from it, letting me know its contents are now mine. I find some dress shirts, a couple of polos, some jeans, and… this texture is familiar…
Did he really bring along his sweater? It’s the middle of summer and the sun is scorching. Plus, I don’t have the heart to tell him, but I hate the rough texture it has. I much rather prefer things that are lighter to the touch. I make a mental note to discretely dispose of this fashion insult later on.

After some digging I find what feels like an oversized plain T-shirt. I can't feel any printed designs on it, it feels thin and fresh, much like the one he was wearing this morning. This is as good as any.
After finally figuring out which hole is which, I get dressed. My getup consists of my black pajama shorts and an oversized plain T-shirt. The shorts are probably unnecessary, the shirt falls all the way to my knees, falling beyond my shorts.

The door clicks open and I hear Hisao come in.

“What's cookin’ good lookin- ” His sentence stops dead on its tracks. “Just wow, this much cuteness is giving me heart attack..”

“Please don’t joke like that, Hisao…” While I do find the intentions behind his compliment flattering, I am still not comfortable when he uses his condition for comedic effect. I fear that if I get used to such jokes, I might not react fast enough when the real deal comes our way.

“Ah, sorry. Point is you’re looking super adorable in those clothes.” He walks over to me and be bends down to pick something up from his luggage. “Let me change real quick and we can chill in the living room downstairs. I have something cool I wanna show you.”

“I’ll wait for you downstairs then.” I make my way out the door as I hear him rummaging through his luggage, sorry for making a mess of it. I place my hand in the wall in front of our room and follow it to the right until I find the handrail. I get a firm grip on it, and begin by descent. And so down I go.

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< Previous | Next >

[Mirage_GSM]

Good to see you back!

Liked both chapters - with the exception of the dream sequence. That one was a bit unfair to spring on your readers without warning. There is way too much detail in the first 95% of the scene to believably be explained as a dream.
I spent some time rereading that bit a few times trying to figure out what exactly was happening there, and it really drew me out of the story.

[Zerebos]

Another great section gibzx!

There is way too much detail in the frist 95% of the scene to believably be explained as a dream.

See the way I saw it was that the line between reality and the dream blurred so some of that build up is reality and at some point fades into dream. I think the way it's written probably makes it closer to yours than mine, but mine sounds more fun

[Mirage_GSM]

Well, my point was that it does not fade into a dream. It's all a very detailed account of how the evening went, complete with small reactions from Hisao's parents and even tangential inner thoughts - and then it abruptly changes to a nightmare...
I don't know about you, but for me that's not how dreams work.
I tried to write a similar scene once, but there the person falls asleep halfway through the conversation...

[gibzx]

Act 1: Conjecture

Losing Touch - part 3

I lay down on the living room sofa and let the cool breeze from the window caress my body. Today’s weather has been treating us well, despite it being summertime.
tmp tmp tmp I hear Hisao’s footsteps come down the carpeted stairs with excitement.

“Feeling tired?” He asks.

As I open my mouth to reply, a loud yawn escapes my lips only to be quickly muffled by my hand. I guess that serves as a good answer.

“All this walking has left me quite drained, I'm afraid, not to mention the inhuman amounts of hot soup we had for lunch.” I feel warm and cozy, ready to lay down my head and dream of tomorrow.
It would be a good thing, hadn’t we planned to stay awake until Hisao’s parents came home so that we could have dinner together again.

“What time are your parents set to come home?”

“Well, they finish work around 11, but overtime is common there. Add up the drive back and it could be between 12 to 2am,” states Hisao as I hear him open a door in the living room that I didn’t know existed until now. “Now where was that thing...”

If I haven’t lost track of time, it should be around 8pm. I’m not confident that I can stay awake for another hour, much less another four. The mere thought of fighting off my drowsiness any longer is tiring, and I can feel my eyelids become heavier with each passing second.

“Why don’t you take a nap? I’ll wake you up in a couple of hours and we can cook dinner together.” Hisao must have noticed me slipping away, because his tone is slightly louder, accentuating every word in the hopes that his volume is enough to keep me awake.

That certainly sounds nice, but my curiousity is keeping me from fully falling asleep. “What did you want to show me?”

“This!” His voice echoes from within the room he walked into. “I can’t believe it took me until now to remember this thing.”

“Listen to this.” His statement quickly followed by the gentle strum of a guitar, each note filling the room with a pleasant sound. Some of the notes are out of tune, and the way the chord echoes from within the guitar seems off, as if the sound hole wasn’t properly proportioned.

“You play the guitar?” with my curiosity piqued, my sleepiness slightly fades away.

“Well no… yes… maybe? Not really. It’s a looooong story, and you said you felt kinda tired… maybe later?”

His tone does a poor job of masking his underlying excitement. I can tell he’s dying to tell me something, but doesn’t want to appear inconsiderate. I have a feeling that the story behind this must be good, so I decide to push my nap for later.

“No, please, go ahead with your story.”

“Ok so, it’s not really my guitar nor my story. It’s actually my father’s.” Hisao begins his tale as he excitedly plops down on the sofa chair close to mine. “This guitar is how my father stole my mother’s heart.”

“My mom was very popular back in highschool—or so my dad claims, I can’t picture her ever being cool— and had a lot of boys chasing after her nonstop. It’s probably an exaggeration, but dad claims that there were always at least 3 boys trying to confess to her every week.”

I am unsure of what Mrs. Nakai looks like, but I can imagine that she shares some traits with Hisao. If her face structure is close to my boyfriends, she must have a slim and sharp face, high cheekbones, and smooth skin. I can picture her being quite the looker for a lady.

“Mom and dad used to be classmates, and lab buddies during science lesson. Apparently Dad fell in love with my mom when she would stay long hours after school to help him catch up with his school work. ‘Not even my teachers had enough patience to help me learn, but your mother refused to leave her teammate behind.’ He would say. But he had no idea how he could ever stand a chance against all the other candidates in school. He kept seeing all of them rejected one after another, and he didn’t exactly have anything to offer that all the other rejected candidates didn’t. Then one day, Mom invites my dad to one of those drive-in movie theatres showing western romance movies. In one of the scenes, the protagonist confesses to the girl by playing her a song on his guitar, and the girl immediately falls in love with him.”

The thought of someone stealing a confession from a movie scene is cheesy to me, but it does sound like something Hisao would do. I guess he had to have gotten that from someone in his family.

“So my dad gets the idea that if he does the same, my mother will surely fall head over heels for him. There’s just one problem, he doesn’t know how to play guitar, nor can afford to buy one. So he does the most logical thing he can think of!”

“He saves money to buy a guitar and signs up for guitar lessons?”

“Nah, he breaks into the school’s music room and steals a guitar and the few guitar music sheets he can find. My dad was quite the delinquent back then. Not even a good one, at that, because he gets busted by some music club student on his way out.”

From the few interactions I’ve seen between Hisao and his father, he’s certainly not your average adult. Still, it is hard to imagine him as a teenage delinquent.

“Getting busted was both a curse and a blessing for him, because it did solve the remaining problem he had. He had just found his new guitar instructor! Dad threatens to beat up the poor guy if he doesn’t keep his mouth sealed and teaches him how to play guitar. And my father is a pretty big guy, so the boy does the wise thing and obliges.”

Now that I think about it, Hisao’s father must be quite tall judging from the position of his voice when he stands. Mrs. Nakai is short on the other hand, probably the reason why Hisao is still quite tall, but not nearly as much as his father.

“Things went smoothly for a little while. There was a ruckus about the missing equipment, but dad kept his head low and took his guitar lessons after class, it didn’t last long, however. It took less than two weeks for the boy to work up the courage to report him to the principal, and my dad got in a lot of trouble.
No matter what, he refused to return the guitar he had stolen. ‘Not yet’ he kept saying. Security tried to forcibly take it from him, but my had fought back as hard as he could. As expected, the guitar got seriously damaged from the altercation. Now my dad had charges of theft, destruction of equipment, fighting school security, threatening a schoolmate… the list went on.”

I’ve read about how love makes you do illogical things. I can’t say I agree with Mr. Nakai’s actions, but his intentions were pure, and I can’t help but admire them.

“In the end, he ends up getting expelled, and headed home defeated after being scolded by the entire school administration and everyone in his family, including his third cousin twice-removed. But he doesn’t care about either, what he’s truly sad about is not being able to play a song for the girl he loves.
Then on his way out, destiny strikes. He sees the janitor dumping the busted guitar into a dumpster. He immediately takes it and rushes to my mother’s house. He arrives with a busted guitar that's out of tune and has a huge crack in the middle, bent headstock, and 2 missing tuning machines. He also has little over a week of experience, a music sheet he can barely understand, and only memorized half the lyrics. But that doesn’t stop him, he finally reaches my mom’s house decides to steal another scene from the movie. The protagonist threw small pebbles at the girl’s window until she opened it, but my father chose a pebble that was too big and ended up shattering her window. But hey, at least that got her attention!”

Hisao takes my hand and places it over a wooden surface. The guitar. It’s chipped in many places, the wood is old and rough, and there’s a huge crack widening the music hole. The strings feel rusty and dull, as if they hadn’t been changed in a long time. I move my hand up the bridge of the instrument, until I come across a bent piece of metal connecting the tuning machines, and an out of place gear that is barely still in contact with its counterpart.

“He actually managed to play a song for her that day. The sound was way off, and he missed a lot of notes. He also butchered the french lyrics, he had trouble pronouncing most things. It was a broken piece, but he played it anyways, and my mom loved it. Luckily for my dad, mom already had developed feelings for him just weeks after they had met, but was too afraid that their relationship wouldn't work out. ‘We came from such different backgrounds, and I couldn’t see how two pieces of a different puzzle could ever fit together.’ she told me. But looking outside her window she heard her answer. She heard a piece of music that was broken, out of tune and incomplete, but beautiful nonetheless. She took it as a sign that even if their relationship might not seem perfect, it could still work as long as both of them tried.”

“That’s a very beautiful story, Hisao, thank you for sharing it with me.”

“I remembered it while walking outside. It reminded me a bit of the music box I gave you.”

That simple wooden box means the world to me. It was Hisao’s first gift to me, a memory that will never be forgotten. That box was what got me thinking about Hisao as more than a friend, and it was the box that I placed at his bedside when he woke up after his incident. In a way, that music box was present both in the birth and the reset of our relationship. Makes me wonder…

“Maybe one day our children will talk about our music box the same way you talk about this guitar.”

“W-well I uh…” Hisao begins stuttering worse than Hanako used to, and I realise… Oh goodness, did I say that out loud?!

“I-it was just a thought! You know sometimes my mind wanders and…” I can feel my face become warmer by the moment.

“Hey it’s fine! Its uh… It’s actually a really nice thought… I just hadn’t imagined life so far ahead before.” Interrupts Hisao, reassuring me. “I think I’d like that someday.”

There’s a peculiar tone of dreaminess to his words, as if he had just pictured us that far into the future.

“Anyways, that’s kinda why I said I could play the guitar but not really. My dad taught me the piece he played that day he confessed, so that I could play it for her during mother’s day. It’s slightly adjusted, using alternate tabs that take advantage of the out of tune strings so that they sound closer to a normal guitar.
So technically speaking, I can only play one song in this one of a kind instrument.”

Such a skill would sound useless to anyone else, but the sentimental value behind it coupled with the story it carries make it priceless.

“Could you play it for me?”

“Sure, but don’t expect much. I haven’t played it in years, and I’ve forgotten most of the lyrics.” He takes the guitar into his hands and I hear him sit down on the sofa next to mine. “Lay down and relax, I’ll wake you up when it’s time to make dinner.”

He tests a few strings and attempts to tune them to the best of his ability —the ones that still have working tuning machines, at least. I lay down on the sofa once more and close my eyes, but refrain from falling asleep while Hisao prepares to play for me.

He taps his thumb against the bridge of the guitar four times and hums a tune to himself, trying to find his tempo. Moments later, the room is filled by the gentle strokes of guitar strings. The tune is slightly off, and it’s obvious which tabs are are meant as replacements for the broken ones, but the general rhythm and feel of the song make up for it. I recognize the song immediately as Edith Piaf’s ’La Vie en rose’. Hisao claims not to know the lyrics, but I can hear faint words escaping his mouth to guide himself through the song. He has problems pronouncing french, especially the ones with heavy Rs, but he tries regardless. He’s probably too shy to sing full strength, afraid to butcher the pronunciation like his father.

As the tune carries on, my mind can’t help but drift back to the thought of our future, and I begin to fade away thinking of what could be. The sweet melody coercing me to sleep. As the song draws to a close, I feel my senses becoming numb, making it hard to focus on the music. The final note is the last thing I hear before I escape into my dreams.

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I’m gently awakened by a different melody. Its low, and the vibrations of the strings echo throughout the room, as if it had become much bigger. I recognize this as a cello, and whoever is playing it is doing so with aggression. It’s way too loud, and each note resonates as if they had been played with all their might.

I sit up from the sofa as I regain my senses, and once I’m sitting up straight, whoever is playing the cello immediately ceases.

“Ah, I see you’re back. How was your day?”

It’s that voice again. The one that sounds dangerously familiar but completely strange at the same time. I don’t know who it is, but I feel like I know them. It’s a female, she sounds young and foreign. Her japanese has an odd accent accompanying it, I’ve heard it before, but the answer can’t seem to leave the tip of my tongue.

“Would you care to join me for some tea?” Her voice is several steps behind me now, but I didn’t hear her walking there. It is at that moment that I notice that I’m standing, and the sofa is gone. I don’t remember that either.

Her voice is gentle and inviting, but a feeling in my gut is telling me not to take her up on her request. I weigh my options, and see no harm in listening to what she has to say. Although I am curious to know something first.

“Who are you?” A rather straightforward and rude way of greeting someone, but my desire to know this woman’s identity is unusually strong, to the point where I need to know who I’m talking to,

“It should be obvious, but I guess my japanese might sound pretty rusty. Living in Scotland for so long will do that to you.” She walks over to me, her footsteps echoing off the walls of the large room we find ourselves in. She takes the back of my hand and places it on her shoulder. “Go ahead, take a look.”

The fabric on her body is light and soft, the design of it is reminiscent to a nightgown. I move my hand up her neck and find a lock of hair, combed straight and well taken care off, but no scent to it. I finally reach her jaw, and her facial structure is oddly familiar.

I begin mapping the contours of her face, making mental measurements and forming a picture in my head. Halfway through, I being to realise that we share similar features. The shape of her cheekbones and jawline are identical to mine. It doesn’t stop there, however. I am met with more similarities between the two of us with every new area I explore. I revise the image of her, and come to an undeniable conclusion.

She’s me.

She looks exactly like me. Our height is matching, as are our faces.

I’m completely lost for words, I take a step back to make distance between us, but end up falling backwards and land on a chair that was not there a second ago.

“Thank you for joining me.” She says as I hear her place a porcelain cup and saucer on the table, which seems to have shifted from wherever it was to right in front of me. “French vanilla, just like we like it.”
She pours me a cup, but I can’t feel neither the aroma nor the warmth coming from the tea. This tea was not made anytime recently.

“You know what? I’m tired of speaking japanese, feels like everything I say is a tongue twister.” She pulls back her chair and sits down opposite of me, pouring herself a cup.
“Do you mind if we speak The King’s instead?”

I’m caught off guard by the sudden change of language. Her english has heavy traces of the Scottish accent —not as heavy as a native, but clear hints of having picked up the language while living there. I noticed the same thing with my father’s english during my last visit.

“Your choice, I’m much more comfortable with my Japanese.”

“Suit yourself.” She takes a sip of he tea, and unlike mine, it gives off a strong scent of vanilla. Freshly made.

“Why am I here?”

“I don’t know, Lilly. Why are you here? Care to take a guess?”

“I don’t have time for this. Just answer the question.”

“My my, Lilly. So much hostility. What’s the rush, do you have somewhere to be?”

Her words are true, why am I being so rude towards her? I feel a looming sense of danger, telling me to walk away right now. Despite that, I choose to stay. So far, she hasn’t done anything to merit such a response. I give the question some thought, but come up with nothing.

“No, I can’t say I know why I’m here.”

“What?” She sets down her cup and saucer a tad too strongly, causing it to clang loudly, and unpleasant sound only heightened by the echoes of the room. “You really can’t think of anything wrong you might have done?”

“Not in particular, no.”

A moment of deafening silence ensues, and I wonder for a couple of seconds if she has disappeared like the rest of the room. No such luck

“Right, little miss perfect has never done anything wrong in her life. She’s always a victim of circumstance.” Her words carry a sharp edge of aggression. I don’t like this one bit.

“Can’t think of anything? I’ll give you some reminders?” She taps her finger against the porcelain edge of the cup, chipping at it. “I guess the earliest example could be found as early as your birth, huh? Being a huge burden to your family from the moment you arrived?”

“I didn’t ask for this, I had no choice over my condition!”

“Blah blah blah. Victim of circumstance as always. Forcing your sister to work herself to the bone and abandon her life to take care of you and bringing shame to your family. I presume you don’t blame yourself for that either?”

Her tapping becomes faster and louder, and the tea cup sounds like it might chip.

“Let’s move on then. What about the student council breakup?”

“I had nothing to do with that, what happened was a consequence of Shizune’s actions.”

“What?! I know you managed to convince everyone else that what it was Shizune’s fault, but have you really lied to yourself so much that even you believe that? Do you really think that your intrusive antics weren’t the cause of the fallout?”

“What happened between me and Misha had nothing to do with the student council.”

“Oh ho, that’s just golden. But I guess it is to be expected from you. Deny that you were the one who caused everything to go wrong and blame it on someone else. After all, what’s truly important is that you maintain a good image no matter what, right? Even at the expense of painting Shizune as a colossal bitch.

“Don’t use that word to describe her, she’s family.”

“I’m only an extension of yourself, sweetie! Anything and everything that leaves my lips is because deep inside this empty heart. You. Think. Its. True.”

She pokes me in the chest to emphasize her last words, hard enough for it to string. I try to swat away her hand, but by the time I swing, she’s already back in her seat.

“Let’s move on from the past. After all, you will just keep telling yourself something cliché about not being able to change it, as if that made what you did any better. What about now, Lilly? What the hell do you think you’re doing with Hisao?”

“Don’t… just don’t go into that territory.”

“Oh shut up. I think it’s about time you faced reality. You have the audacity to rope a boy into a relationship with you, did you not have enough with being a burden to Akira already!?”

“I-I’m not a burden to anyone! I may have trouble with some things, but I can still be independent.”

“How pathetically delusional of you. And to make things worse, it couldn’t even be a normal boy. You just had to hook the one with a heart condition, didn’t you? It’s not enough that he spends his entire life working to provide for you, now he actually has to kill himself trying.”

Her voice is significantly louder compared to when we first sat down.

“The poor lad nearly died just to get you to stay for Christ’s sake! All because you couldn’t grow a spine and tell daddy to piss off. Which reminds me, did you seriously confess to Hisao knowing full well that you would have to leave for Scotland? Jesus, who in their right mind would ever inflict heartbreak to someone with arrhythmia, it’s almost as if you were purposely trying to kill him or something.”

I firmly slam my hand on the table, and take my leave. “I don’t have to listen to you any longer.” I am unsure of where I am, so I’ll start by walking the direction opposite of her.

“You’re seriously just gonna walk away?”

My reply comes in the form of hastening my step, extending my hand infront of me to find the nearest wall possible. That’s my plan. Find a wall, follow it until I come across an exit.

“Open yours eyes, Lillian. You can’t walk away from me because I am you. The difference is that I see you for what you truly are.”

This makes no sense. I have already walked nearly thirty steps, but I can’t find the end of the room. Her voice is close, as if she was following me a few steps behind, yet I can’t hear her footsteps.

“Don’t be blind to your true nature. Take a hard look at yourself for once in your life. Can’t you see that you only bring pain to those around you?”

”LEAVE ME ALONE!”

I start running, desperate to find the way out. A blind person should never run this fast, it’s impossible to know what is in front of me, and I could collide against something at any time. But i don’t care anymore. I need to find something. A wall, a door, anything at all in this empty void. I don’t care if I have to smash my face against it.

“How short-sighted of you to make decisions based on your feelings, not considering that your actions have consequences. Either that, or you simply don’t care. Look at the bigger picture, Lillian.”

How is she still right behind me? She is not running, I can’t hear any footsteps or a strain in her voice.

”SHUT UP!”

I break into a full sprint.

“Come back, Lillian.”
I ignore my lungs begging for a breath, or my heart that is trying to claw its way out of my chest.

“Liiiillian.”

I need to get out.

“Lilly!”

I jump out of the bed I wake up from in a panic and bang my head against someone. Whoever it is, I hear them fall backwards on the floor and groan in pain.

“ARGH!” I recognize this voice instantly. It’s Hisao, and he’s in agony. “L-lilly… H-help m-HNNGH”
Oh god, what have I done?! I hit him in the chest, didn’t I?

I rush to his side and take his hand. He squeezes on it like his life depended on it, his other hand clutching at his chest with all his strength. I press my ear to his abdomen, and I can hear his irregular heartbeat going haywire.

“H-help m-me plea-AHHH.”

I need to call an ambulance. I need to get him help. Where's the phone? Where in the room are we?
Don’t panic, Lilly. You still can help him. I remember Mrs. Nakai picking the phone during our dinner yesterday to answer a call. It’s in the living room. All I need to do is make my way there and find it.

Yes, that’s the plan. Find a wall, search for the exit, follow the corridor downstairs and call someon-
Hisao goes quiet, and he stops moving in my arms. His grip on my hand rapidly relaxes, and he lets go.

“Hisao. Stay with me.”
No answer. I place my hand on his chest and feel nothing.
“Hisao, please. Don’t leave me.”
I cup his face in my hand, and he feels so, so cold.
“Please stay with me, I need you!”
His body is motionless. The boy who was full of life talking about our future together is now silent.
“P-please don’t go! I-I’m so so sorry! Please come back!” I bury my face on his neck, and tears begin pour out. I feel so impotent, so small and weak.

“I’m so, so sorry.”

His body begins to become lighter, and my hands begin to sink into his chest as he disappears. He feels light as a feather, and the only thing I’m left holding are flower petals, while the rest float away from my grasp.
I can’t let him disappear like everything else. I desperately try to keep him together for as long as I can, but it’s futile. I stand up and begin to chase for the lost petals soaring through the air. I’m stopped by someone placing a hand on my chest and pushing me away, making me fall on my back.

“Poor thing. He might have lived so see another day, if it had been someone else. Maybe they could have helped him. But not you”

I begin to crawl backwards, attempting to get away.



“STAY AWAY FROM ME!”

“Don’t worry, Lillian. You’ll wake up soon enough, and go back to putting on a show and dance for everyone. Enjoy wearing that mask as long as you want, it won’t change how things are bound to end.”



“My biggest regret is that when it happens for real, I won’t be there to see your reaction once you realize what you’ve done.”

Lilly?

A voice calls out from no particular direction.

“It seems that it's time to wake up, Lillian. Don’t worry, I’ll be right here when you get back.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Lilly?” Hisao gently shakes me awake as he calls for my name.I wake up for the second time, this time on his bed, with him at my side.
How do I know this is real?

I sit up and desperately shake my head to kickstart my senses.

“Right, you might be a bit confused. I carried you upstairs after you fell asleep on the sofa, it’s nearly midnight. I hope you had a good nap?”

Not one bit. I’ve never experienced a nightmare of such intensity and nature, it felt way too real. So real that I am not entirely convinced that I’m awake.

“My parents called a minute ago, they just got out of work and should be here in about an hour or so. Are you still up for playing chef?”

I discretely pinch myself, something I’ve read people do to distinguish dreams from reality. I do it a few more times for good measure, and let the events that just occurred sink in. I take a deep breath and push everything out of my head.

“Lilly, are you ok?” a subtle tone of concern underlying his words. It is then that I realised that I haven’t spoken a single word since I woke up.

“Hisao.”

After what happened back in my nightmare, I can’t get enough of his voice. It meant nothing, it wasn’t real. Nothing more than a bad dream.
I wrap my arms around him and press my cheek to his, feeling his warmth. He’s right here, and he’s fine.

“Did you have a nightmare or something?”

I pull away and nod, offering a gentle smile to let him know that I’m all right now. “Yes, but I’m awake now. That’s all that matters.”

She’s gone, and Hisao’s here. She can’t get me here. I’m safe, at least for now, but I find myself scared of going back to sleep.

Don’t worry, I’ll be right here when you get back.

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