Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[brythain]

It's still gonna take some time for me to mourn the friendship, though.

That's very true, and I hope you recover well. It helps to put it into your creative production, though. My own writing has improved by my remembrance of past friendships and loves lost. Some of those things people complain about in AtD are the 'sads' from real events in my life. Remember that everything we go through is part of us, both good and bad. Take care; stay alive in all senses of that word.

[Eurobeatjester]

Thanks bry. Means a lot.

I realize that what it comes down to is that she's not willing to give people a fraction of the understanding she demands from other people who are in her life. The profanity filled tirade she sent me over the last few days made that clear. It's not a friendship worth repairing because I'll end up on the end of the exact same tirade whenever something unexpected happens.

[azumeow]

Thanks bry. Means a lot.

I realize that what it comes down to is that she's not willing to give people a fraction of the understanding she demands from other people who are in her life. The profanity filled tirade she sent me over the last few days made that clear. It's not a friendship worth repairing because I'll end up on the end of the exact same tirade whenever something unexpected happens.

Oh man, I just love when people flip the fuck out over the littlest shit. I mean, I've done it myself, but god damn what the fuck do you expect when you spend ten minutes constantly asking me if I'm okay and I say I am, EVEN THOUGH I CLEARLY AM NOT? It means I don't wanna talk about it, not that that callous, insipid cunt would realize what that's like since she'll bitch about her abusive family to anybody within a twenty-mile radius.

And then her and her friends tried to sabotage my first relationship that lasted more than like a month. Unsurprisingly, the stress they caused the two of us was a pretty decent factor in me breaking up with her. Also, her being batshit fucking crazy, but ya know, whatever

[Suzaku]

Ok, let's give some background here.

I am 17 years old, about to be a Junior in High School. I have Aspergers, and am an INFP personality type. I was reccomended this game, oddly enough, because of a BEYBLADE OC lol. I was told she had a similar attitude and demeanor to Hanako, so I played. Hanako's route crushed my heart so much that the only other route i feel like playing is Lilly's. First off, she is basically one of the cutest people in game, even with scars. I also have social woes, much like her as well as Hisao, and i'd say my personality is a weird combination of the two. My friends constantly move or stop contacting me, and I've basically been lonely as heck most of my life. My parents also aren't very understanding either, and for some reason I find a girl like Hanako would be likely to be a person I would date IRL. in short, She's essentially the reason I'm here, and I feel for her, as I rarely have really close friends. Honestly I;d love to be in a relationship, but I am socially inept. Her character feels like one I can comfortable around, and at least try to make it work out.

(Also never doing her bad route. I swear I cried a ton during the GOOD route.)
(Also sorry about necroing this thread, Is it a rule in here not to do that?)

[Oddball]

There's no rule about necroing things as long as you have something worth saying.

[Suzaku]

TBH though, I am playing Lilly's route rn, and its kinda bittersweet to me to see Hanako going out on her own. Happy because she's finally become more sociable, sad because she basically dissappears from the game.

[Suzaku]

I know this is stretching the topic a bit, but I just watched Hanako's bad ending on Youtube and... Why are you so dense Hisao!!! She asked you like 10 times to leave!

[Oddball]

I know this is stretching the topic a bit, but I just watched Hanako's bad ending on Youtube and... Why are you so dense Hisao!!! She asked you like 10 times to leave!

You shouldn't watch the endings on Youtube. You lose context.

Basically though, at that point, though the choices you've made in so far, Hisao has never learned that Hanako can take care of herself nor has Hanako ever learned that she can really trust Hisao and that he actually does care for her.

[Suzaku]

I know this is stretching the topic a bit, but I just watched Hanako's bad ending on Youtube and... Why are you so dense Hisao!!! She asked you like 10 times to leave!

You shouldn't watch the endings on Youtube. You lose context.

Basically though, at that point, though the choices you've made in so far, Hisao has never learned that Hanako can take care of herself nor has Hanako ever learned that she can really trust Hisao and that he actually does care for her.

Well, I did play through her good route, so I have most of her context, and i do understand her character more for it. I'm just too much of an emotional wimp to hurt any of the characters by taking bad routes. Heck, I think I left an emotional gulf by watching that, and now I just want to hug her tight.

[ArazelEternal]

I know this is stretching the topic a bit, but I just watched Hanako's bad ending on Youtube and... Why are you so dense Hisao!!! She asked you like 10 times to leave!

You shouldn't watch the endings on Youtube. You lose context.

Basically though, at that point, though the choices you've made in so far, Hisao has never learned that Hanako can take care of herself nor has Hanako ever learned that she can really trust Hisao and that he actually does care for her.

Well, I did play through her good route, so I have most of her context, and i do understand her character more for it. I'm just too much of an emotional wimp to hurt any of the characters by taking bad routes. Heck, I think I left an emotional gulf by watching that, and now I just want to hug her tight.

I’m right there with you. I can’t intentionally hurt them either. One of my friends went through all of the endings and he said that Hanako’s bad ending was especially heart wrenching. Emi’s bad ending according to him was one of the least damaging, and I had a hard enough time with that one when I got it on my first play through. No thanks, I’ll just get the good endings.

[azumeow]

So, this...kinda fits here, and it kinda doesn't. I guess I just want to tell the story.

Recently, my cousin was killed in a gunfight. He was a rather distant relative, related to my father (whose family is so fucked up we only associate with two of his....seven? siblings). He had just gotten a job with an armored truck company.

Somebody tried to rob them. Gunfight ensued. My cousin's partner took a bad shot, and...well, that was it. He lasted a few hours, I think.

So, I'm sitting here, alone in my room at 1 and change AM, thinking about this guy I barely knew who died in just....just a terribly unlucky way.

And I'm thinking about his funeral and just how crazy it was. The dude had a viking funeral. Mead, horns, fur coat, sword and shield, all that cool shit.

My cousin's going to Valhalla. I mean, I didn't really know him, but....it's just kinda sad to be reminded of the things that happen to good people. All he wanted to do was make a living. And because somebody decided to shoot up his truck, my cousin's going to Valhalla.

I hope there's a shitload of mead for ya up there, dude. Enjoy it.

[Suzaku]

To be honest, I think I actually found out most of why Hanako's route touched me most. Her inner strength is admirable, and also, the fact that she just wants to be treated as an equal parallels with myself, because I myself, would like to find someone that likes me for who I am, and as an equal. I realized that some of the feelings during her route were some of my own at my situation resurfacing. One of the reasons some people see me as not so equal is due to me having Autism, and its hard when one of the "charities" has demeaned you and speaks bad about people like you.

[wheelman82]

-Removed-

[Suzaku]

To be honest, I think I actually found out most of why Hanako's route touched me most. Her inner strength is admirable, and also, the fact that she just wants to be treated as an equal parallels with myself, because I myself, would like to find someone that likes me for who I am, and as an equal. I realized that some of the feelings during her route were some of my own at my situation resurfacing. One of the reasons some people see me as not so equal is due to me having Autism, and its hard when one of the "charities" has demeaned you and speaks bad about people like you.

Aye, I also identify with Hanako, I'm also autistic and I suffer from anxieties and depression, I was also treated as an inferior by some, though now I that most of my friends are also autistic, I don't really have much trouble with being treated as an inferior due to my autism, although I often still feel inferior because my depression and anxieties have completely crippled me, I couldn't finish school, and I will most likely never be able to hold a job, for me getting through the days is the only goal I have, my days are spent trying to find distraction so that I don't think about killing myself or alternatively stuff myself with food, as you can imagine, neither is the desired outcome.

I most relate to Hanako with her considering her life as on hold, I haven't properly lived in over 5 years, that's a quarter of my life...

Well, this turned pessimistic...

On the bright side, at least I'm not the kind of person who just likes her because they want to protect her, if she were a real person, I would treat her as an equal.

Sadly, I know someone quite similar to Hanako, she was traumatised by the divorce of her parents (I theorise), and she's practically in the same way as I am, yet, I couldn't really connect with her at school, I talked with her during breaks, got her to join my friends at school in our breaks where we just talked, ranted and made stupid autistic jokes, at first it seemed to go well, but then she just stopped spending the breaks with other people and retreated to the class room, I had the idea of trying to talk with her, but then I realised that it was not my place, if she wants to spend the breaks alone, who am I to try and change that? She was perfectly capable of deciding for herself, and there were others helping her, teachers and councilors and such, after that I didn't talk to her at all, I think, and then my depressions and anxieties got so bad I had to stop going to school, later I heard that she was spending her days at a "day-centre"(?) (a place where people who are handicapped have the ability to spend their days in a "useful" and satisfying way, I couldn't find a translation to English) in the town where I live, I'm currently looking into a similar thing for myself.

To be honest, I feel as if I would make fast friends with Hanako. I believe that we'd both be able to treat each other as equals in a friendship. Of course, I would constantly feel I was annoying her... In a way, I'm just as guilty as her for retracting from others and living a shell of a life. Shame when you have alexithymia (a thing common in autism) and you constantly feel as if you have many different emotions at once and you feel torn by all of them.

[Satchel]

Been a while since i posted in this forum. Nothing really got better, things changed a bit, things happened, but it's still all the same old.

I was in a psychosomatic clinic for my depressions, social phobia and binge eating disorder. It was good, learned a lot.
I met a woman in the same station of the clinic. Older than me but i couldn't care less, she seemed the nicest and lovliest person. Just before she left (she was already longer there when i arrived) i got my guts together and told her about my feelings. Not too specific, but it was a good call. We stayed in contact over phone (was too far for visiting trips) even after i left the clinic some weeks later.
Fast forward 3 month, we talked on the phone 2-4 times a week, quite personal stuff and it seemed to get going into the right direction. But the last 2 or 3 calls i recognized she wasn't as cheerful anymore. Not that she was always happy, she has depressions too after all, but something was up.
She stopped answering my calls and messages. After 2 weeks trying i got her once and it was a short talk, that she is not feeling good lately, lots of problems, and that she needs some time for herself. I agreed to give her 2 weeks and not call.
That was the last i ever heard. I tried for weeks to contact her. Nothing.

It doesn't even hurt that much that she ceased contact, but so bluntly without any reason given, any hint at what was going on, if there was anything i could have done.

That was last November. I still think every day about her.

---

I've seen the fantastic Sabrina Benaim - "Explaining My Depression to My Mother"-video a while ago, and it got really to me. Today i was in thoughts and remembered the video, and then i thought i should write down what was going through my mind. I feel the urge to share it, though i am anxious if it's not any good or makes sense.
But if i wanted to share it anyway i thought this place here would be the best to find someone it resonates with.

Insomnia?

It happens every night, very late when i am sitting in front of my PC, read everything interesting on FB, played my games to an extend they got boring or exhausting.
But i am not tired enough. I have that lump, that stone in my stomach.
I sit there late night and don't want to sleep, because i want do do soemthing.
I need to do something.
Take my mind off those thoughts that creep up now, now that i am not distracted, not busy.
Lonelyness.
Not "being alone", it's not the same.
I don't need company, i like being alone.
But i don't like being lonely.
It's the thoughts about the empty side of the bed.
The empty place opposite of where i sit in the kitchen, eating or prepping food.
The emptiness of the place beneath the mirror in the bathroom, enough for at least one other persons utensils besides mine.
The empty, cold place on the couch next to where i would sit, if i would ever sit down on the couch to watch something on TV or even just sit there.
I don't, it all doesn't distract me enough anymore from the empty spot.
Emptyness, it's just the lack of something, how do you feel something not being there?
But there it is, the emptyness of all those places.
It's not about something just filling that spot physically.
I don't need a placeholder, i don't need nor want something to lean on just to lean on it...
I want something that feels like it belongs there.
The toothbrush under the mirror in the bathroom.
The jacket on the coat rack next to mine that smells of the perfume i like on the other person.
The damn ashtray on the coffee table.
I am a ex-smoker, i don't like smokers, but dammit, LET IT BE THE DAMN USED ASHTRAY.
Just let there be something that belongs there ... someone who belongs to me.
So i can go to bed when i am tired, and don't have to try to get my mind of the empty place until i nearly fall asleep in front of the PC.
And then go to sleep in an empty bed, where there is nothing to take my mind of the empty place next to me ...
... and then, not sleep.

It's past 3 a.m. here and i don't want to go to bed.