The Benefit of Hindsight (updated 4/16!)

[azumeow]

Well, that came quickly. We're getting close, ladies and gents, to the BIG MOMENT

[Mirage_GSM]

Obligatory past tense senences:

Like everything else about Kenji, it was a mystery, and would likely forever remain one.

That thought bothered me more than I wanted to admit. Kenji just...leaving was unsatisfying, but that was how things worked, sometimes.

Small mixup of names here:

“Yeaaaaaaah, Mutou-sensei,” she agrees.

That was all-encompassing and all-consuming - but in a different way than this. Shizune demanded attention. Revelled in it, really. We went about Student Council business, but took whatever spare time existed to be with one another.

That made me laugh, because when I think back to Shizune's route, their relationship was anything but...

[Puncyclopedia]

Good update. I only recently started reading this and I really like it.

Welcome aboard, and thank you!

Well, that came quickly. We're getting close, ladies and gents, to the BIG MOMENT

Writing H-scenes is waaay harder than writing the rest of the piece. Hoping not to disappoint!

@Mirage - Thank you as always. In regards to this bit...

That made me laugh, because when I think back to Shizune's route, their relationship was anything but...

Two thoughts:

1. Perception's a funny thing, isn't it? One of the things that I hope comes across in the fic is that Hisao generally gives Shizune the benefit of the doubt more than one might expect. Playing all of the routes leaves me with the impression that Hisao is the most consumed by his relationship with Shizune. This is ironic, because...
2. The thing I love most (and hate most) about her route is that it's so slice of life. We see precious little of their interactions, which, to me, opens it up to interpretation a thousand different ways. How often do they really see each other? Who knows? This can be considered a bit of creative license on my part. If not, see #1.

[Yukarin]

IT'S HAPPENING

Ohooo I can't wait for the next one.

EDIT: I find it really nice that you brought up honesty. Being honest is how you get to her good end, after all. Nice touch.

[Mirage_GSM]

1. Perception's a funny thing, isn't it? One of the things that I hope comes across in the fic is that Hisao generally gives Shizune the benefit of the doubt more than one might expect. Playing all of the routes leaves me with the impression that Hisao is the most consumed by his relationship with Shizune. This is ironic, because...
2. The thing I love most (and hate most) about her route is that it's so slice of life. We see precious little of their interactions, which, to me, opens it up to interpretation a thousand different ways. How often do they really see each other? Who knows? This can be considered a bit of creative license on my part. If not, see #1.

Slice of life indeed...

Here's a part of my review of Shizune's route that I wrote back in 2011:

What struck me most when comparing Shizune's path with Emi's which I did first was how Shizune's and Emi's endings of Act I are usually considered the most and least romantic respectively.
Having read the full paths of both it's the other way around. The romance part in Shizune's path can be summed up as follows:
End of Act II
"Do you want to be my girlfriend?" "Okay." *hug* "Okay, lets not talk about it at all for a few weeks."
Act III
*have sex out of the blue* "Okay, lets not talk about it at all for a few weeks."
Act IV
*have sex again*
They don't even kiss even when they're alone... It's a wonder Misha even gets jealous.

I still think their relationship is more "friends with benefits" than truly lovers in the VN...

[Blank Mage]

Holy shit, this came back? Hang on, I have to catch up now. I'll have probably have insightful comments and terrible memes in a bit, but welcome back, man!

[Puncyclopedia]

3-3 probably up tomorrow - I'm working on some final tweaks and edits. The good news is I've been busy working on other parts of the story (conveniently, ones I can write during downtime between classes without feeling super self-conscious...) aaaaaand even the start of something new that I hope to post over the weekend. Don't worry, this isn't going anywhere, but I've actually found over the past week having something else to write has increased my productivity.

In terms of this story, though , 3-4 is almost finished and in editing stages, and 3-5 through 3-7 are all in various stages of doneness, so once 3-3 goes up, I should be able to darn near finish off Act 3 by the first week of April.

IT'S HAPPENING

Ohooo I can't wait for the next one.

EDIT: I find it really nice that you brought up honesty. Being honest is how you get to her good end, after all. Nice touch.

No pressure though, right?

As much as I like Lilly and her route, I read something a while back (possibly on TVTropes) that sort of codified for me why people don't like Lilly and her route - to get good Lilly end, you basically have to be completely honest with her at all times while she's holding back several volumes worth of troubles. It's actually fairly realistic - if you know someone like Lilly, or have ever been in the role of tender of your own proverbial flock, you likely can at least empathize with her position of not wanting to put burdens on people already going through theirs.

Hisao being honest is how you get to Lilly's good end, but Lilly can only get to *Hisao's* good end in this story if she keeps being honest with him. Otherwise? Hisao bad end and Lilly needs to go find an FAQ or something.

Slice of life indeed...

Here's a part of my review of Shizune's route that I wrote back in 2011:

What struck me most when comparing Shizune's path with Emi's which I did first was how Shizune's and Emi's endings of Act I are usually considered the most and least romantic respectively.
Having read the full paths of both it's the other way around. The romance part in Shizune's path can be summed up as follows:
End of Act II
"Do you want to be my girlfriend?" "Okay." *hug* "Okay, lets not talk about it at all for a few weeks."
Act III
*have sex out of the blue* "Okay, lets not talk about it at all for a few weeks."
Act IV
*have sex again*
They don't even kiss even when they're alone... It's a wonder Misha even gets jealous.

I still think their relationship is more "friends with benefits" than truly lovers in the VN...

This is an interesting take that I ultimately disagree with but still think is entirely plausible. It certainly gets at why many people don't like the route. I have my own interpretation which will probably come up at some point in something I write so I don't want to totally let the cat out of the bag here. I'm also a little biased due to my own experiences of playing the VN, as are we all (I think) to some extent. Shizune's route is the most open to interpretation by a longshot, which I like because it means I have more to play with.

Holy shit, this came back? Hang on, I have to catch up now. I'll have probably have insightful comments and terrible memes in a bit, but welcome back, man!

Yuuuup, The Benefit of Hindsight lives, and ideally this time the train's going to go to the end. Do stick around, I've got some interesting things ahead. xD

[Yukarin]

Ahahahaha.

It's sad then that the FAQ she'll need is only in your head. She'll never find one.

[Puncyclopedia]

Here’s 3-3, after longer than I would like. I’m more nervous about this than anything else I’ve posted here.

As promised, this chapter contains an H-scene. Should you be vehemently opposed to such things, I recommend that you stop reading at the phrase “...let’s resume where we left off, shall we, Hisao?” Otherwise, just keep on reading. Cheers!

* * *

It occurs to me as I lead Lilly around my modest apartment that I’ve never seen her at work learning a place. I can’t help but find it fascinating.

“So, this is the doorway,” I say, feeling a little sheepish as she feels out the contours of the door to my apartment. “It’s 3-C--”

“Up two flights of stairs, and a right at the top,” she says, concentration written all over her face. “Got it.”

She stands in the doorway, and I find myself looking at my apartment in an entirely new way, to try and explain to her the layout of where I live.

“Straight ahead when you walk inside is the living room.” I feel like a realtor, all of a sudden. “It’s pretty sparse - there’s just a couch, a few chairs, and a television.”

Lilly walks forward, one hand on my collar, the other hand feeling around for obstructions. Her hand hits the couch, and she feels along the length of it, getting a sense, seemingly, for just how big it is.

Satisfied with the couch, she continues to roam the room. She finds several of the chairs, and then returns back to the doorway with little prompting from me.

“What other rooms are there, Hisao,” she asks. “Lead me to them.”

I’m amazed at how calm she is. “Alright, from the living room, you have two options. You can either walk to the left from the center of the room and get into the kitchen, or you can basically walk straight ahead - and dodge the chairs, I’m sorry, I’ll find a better spot for them - and that leads to the bedroom. The bathroom is attached to the bedroom.”

She begins to walk forward - and I go with her, to make sure that her grip on my collar remains. She turns at exactly the precise moment to enter the kitchen.

“Careful, Lilly,” I manage. “It’s…a little small, there’s not much room to maneuver.”

She steps inside, and taps her foot twice. The sound of foot on linoleum tile is audible, and it’s only then that I realize what she’s doing - figuring out where the kitchen ends and where the living room begins.

“You really do have work-arounds for everything, don’t you?”

“It’s nothing to be impressed about, Hisao,” she responds, though there’s pride in her voice. “I’ll need more time to learn the specifics, of course, but for now, I just want to get a general sense of layout, so I know where all of the rooms are.”

“How difficult is it for you to...map out a new place?” Figuring out exactly how to phrase that question was difficult, but to me, it feels like she’s making a mental map.

“Not particularly difficult,” Lilly replies. “It just takes practice. With my cane, I can navigate places I know fairly easily, even when there are lots of...moving parts, like Yamaku. By comparison, an apartment is simple, even if there are more details that I will eventually need to learn.”

Being at Yamaku taught me that most of my classmates could accomplish things with their disabilities that I couldn’t imagine being possible. Lilly moves around Yamaku blind better than most sighted people can manage. She takes better care of herself than I do - at the bare minimum, she doesn’t order Chinese food in four out of seven nights a week.

“I don’t exactly know how friendly this apartment is to--”

I stop myself, and cringe. Before I can feel too bad, though, Lilly is moving forward again, and I am moving with her.

“I’ll determine for myself how friendly the apartment is, Hisao,” she says, firmly, in a tone that will brook no disagreement. “”The bedroom should be a left turn from the entrance to the kitchen, yes?”

“Exactly,” I say, and we’re off once again, heading for my bedroom. In some ways, I’m glad we’re approaching things this way - otherwise, I’d be a little more nervous at the prospect of only the second girl ever to enter a bedroom of mine stepping through the doorway and into my innermost sanctum.

She sniffs delicately as she enters, and steps a bit closer to me. “It smells like you in here, though I should expect that it would.” I wonder if I should have used air freshener or something. What does Hisao even smell like? I think about asking that question, but decide not to. If she asked me what Lilly smelled like, I don’t know if I’d be able to come up with an answer. Lilly smells like Lilly. Maybe Hisao smells like Hisao.

For the first time in years, I think of Rin Tezuka, and decide that she’d be pleased with such an answer.

“Not a big bedroom,” I explain. The door to the bathroom’s on the left wall when you enter - the right wall of the room if you’re getting up out of bed. Otherwise, there’s a dresser on the opposite wall from the bathroom, and the bed’s on the back wall. It extends out probably...a third of the way? Something like that.

We make a slow circle of the room, Lilly’s fingers feeling along one wall and brushing over the dresser. We reach the back wall, away from the bed. Her hands extend out in front of her as she walks slowly and carefully, crouching down to find the bed. Once she does, she feels along it, mapping it out before rounding it and walking to the far wall. Her slender hand finds the doorknob to the bathroom, and she nods, once.

“Thank you, Hisao.” She smiles at me, and it’s all I can do to not fall to pieces. Lilly’s smiles are heartwarming. “We can explore in detail later. For now…”

Her hands go to my shoulders, and push. I’m caught off guard, and I stumble backwards a few steps to the bed, falling to the seat of my pants on it. Moments later, there is a Lilly in my lap.

“...let’s resume where we left off, shall we, Hisao?”

...of course. In retrospect, I’m surprised that this didn’t happen immediately, given how heated things were in her apartment. This is less desperate, but no less nice.

Her body presses to mine, and she cups my face in her hands. Moments later, her mouth drops to mine, and we’re kissing again. I briefly wonder, not for the first time in my life, why humans have to bother doing things that aren’t kissing, and cuddling, and…

With Lilly in my lap, she’s taller than I am - I’m leaning up into her kiss. Our tongues tangle, my eyes drift closed, and nothing in the world feels better than this.

When we finally break the kiss, a thin strand of saliva connects our lips. She’s the first to find words.

“Do you trust me, Hisao?”

“Of course I do, Lilly.”

It’s that automatic for me. Part of me is astonished, the other part is thrilled. Deep down, it’s all I ever truly wanted.

“Close your eyes, Hisao,” Lilly says, the words whispered against my ear. She promptly starts nibbling at the lobe, and it’s hard to concentrate on anything as I arch against her. My hands are still free to move, and they explore her back, rubbing firmly over her clothing and wishing I was touching bare skin instead.

I close my eyes, and force certain memories out of my mind. I’m a little nervous - and I would rather like to look at my girlfriend.

“What are you planning on doing,” I ask, reflexively. This is not, after all, the first time I’ve been asked to close my eyes in this context. I open my mouth to speak again, but a single finger (I think) presses to my lips.

“Shhh,” she says. “I want to tell you a story, about what happened after you left my apartment.”

Her mouth nibbles its way back to my ear to tell her story. In truth, her whispers are soft enough that I can only hear the occasional word, but the picture that those words paint is far, far too pleasant. I whimper, trying to arch up against Lilly more, but she’s stopped moving in my lap, opting instead to try and tease me to death..

“Do you like that idea,” she asks. Her tone is more impish than truly seductive, but impish suits Lilly Satou just fine. I can hear the rustling of clothing as her torso moves away from mine. She has to be undressing. I can’t see it, but Gods, I wish I could.

“Are you imagining it, Hisao,” she asks, more firmly. “My back pressed against the headboard, legs spread…”

Even now, she’s saying everything without saying it. She’s letting my mind fill in the blanks, and it’s doing an excellent job. She doesn’t have to say everything. I know what happened.

I wish I’d have done something similar, too, because trying to fall asleep on Sunday without getting myself off was one of my worst ideas ever.

I feel the press of her body against mine - now-bare breasts tantalizingly brushing against my chest. “Will this be alright, Hisao,” she asks. “Given your condition?”

It’s too late to ask that question. It’s a formality now. That, too, is familiar in a way that makes me smile and hide a wince.

“My heart will be able to handle anything you can come up with,” I promise her. “It’s been, shall we say, well-tested.”

Lilly giggles at that. “I should thank her for that,” she says, and for a brief moment, I frown, knowing full well who “she” is.

She disappears from my lap, and I almost sob from the lack of contact. She’s still close. I can tell that much even without seeing, but the fact that she’s not in my lap is a horrible, horrible tease.

I don’t care for long, though.

A hand brushes over the bulge in my pants, the button coming undone. The zipper is next to go, and soon, Lilly is pulling my pants bodily off of me. I lift my hips up to help, and soon, all that’s left is my boxers.

“These have to go too,” she insists, and who am I to argue. I don’t even remember what boxers I’m wearing. Hopefully they aren’t embarrassing. Whatever the case, Lilly doesn’t seem to pay them much attention, because they’re all but torn off of me.

When I feel hands tug at my shirt, my arms shoot skyward to make it easier for her. She has a plan, and I would very much like for her to get to it, because not having Lilly in my lap is unfair.

A moment later, I have something even better - something soft and warm wrapped around my cock. It’s a sensation I remember, but it’s been three years since I’ve experienced it. If I open my eyes, I know exactly what I’d see - Lilly Satou kneeling in front of me, using her breasts to gently - so gently - stroke me.

“No cheating, Hisao,” she warns, as she continues to move, slow and teasing and wonderful. “Keep your eyes closed. It’ll feel even better that way, I promise.”

I desperately want to open my eyes - if only so I can burn this sight into my memory for the nights when Lilly can’t be here and I desperately need release before I go to sleep. But I’m good - I keep my eyes closed and focus on the sensations.

I can feel her breasts dragging up and down my shaft. I hear my own moans mixing with the soft, determined sounds she’s making. She seems to be enjoying doing this almost as much as I am having it done to me. The pace makes me want to crawl out of my own skin, but as promised, the pleasure is incredible. I understand now why she wanted my eyes closed; for her, this is how sex always must be.

“Lilly,” I groan, between pants. “Faster, please, I…”

“Not yet,” she says. A moment later, I feel the press of something wet on my tip. The sound that I make in response is utterly unintelligible, and I’m rewarded for it with another of her damnable giggles that go straight to my cock.

“I thought you might like that, Hisao,” she says. Thankfully, she does start to go faster, and my hips are soon trying desperately to maximize every movement of her chest. “You want to open your eyes, don’t you?”

“Of course I do,” I reply, immediately. “How could I not want to watch this?” The idea of it is impossibly erotic. Actually seeing it for real would probably push me over the edge in an instant.

“Soon,” is all she says. With my eyes closed, all I can do is feel. As much as I want to see, focusing on just feeling has me a gasping, quivering, desperate wreck.. She moves faster still as we find our rhythm. Concentration is impossible. Thinking is impossible. Speaking is impossible.

Finally, finally, she takes pity on me.

“Go ahead, Hisao,” I hear, somehow managing to route enough brainpower to understand her when every word is breathing on me, hot and wet, and I desperately, desperately just want to release, “open your eyes.”

As I do, the room is bright, too bright. It takes me a moment to adjust, but once I do, I see exactly what I expected. Lilly Satou, kneeling, her breasts wrapped around my dripping, desperate cock…

...right before her tongue starts to lap at the tip, licking away the drops of pre that leak from it.

That? That’s my limit.

“Lilly!” I cry out, and she snaps into action once more, her breasts stroking as I arch my hips into her embrace. I can’t hold back anymore, but she has no intention of stopping. Everything is impossibly intense - when I release, it feels harder and stronger than I can remember, my seed shooting into the air, splattering over Lilly’s chest and my stomach. Even so, she doesn’t stop, second and third spurts following as my body trembles with aftershocks.

It takes me another moment to fully process the scene - my girlfriend’s beautiful breasts covered with my seed. There’s even a bit that splattered up to her chin. It’s an impossibly erotic sight.

“My, my, Hisao,” she says, carefully removing me from between her breasts. “You needed that badly, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” I say. “Very badly. Very, very badly.”

One of her hands comes up to wipe the drop from her chin. She laps at it experimentally - and I gasp. My cock, still twitching from the pleasure given to it, now twitches for another reason entirely.

“Good,” Lilly whispers, as she rises to her feet and pushes my shoulders again. This time, I fall to my back on the bed, and Lilly crawls onto me. Everything feels so sensitive - the press of naked skin against my own, even in innocent places, feels so good it’s hard to breathe. “Now, it’s my turn.”

It doesn’t take long to figure out what she has in mind. Only now do I realize that she’s completely nude as long legs slither and tangle with my own. As she crawls forward, I can feel how wet she is, against my stomach, then my chest, and finally my chin as she moves astride my face. One of her hands settles in my hair, stroking it softly. Breathing in rewards me with Lilly, sweet and musky and wonderful.

“Go ahead, Hisao,” she says. “Please.”

I don’t have to be asked twice. As my tongue begins to work, teasing at her inner thighs in a way that makes her wriggle on top of me, the view I have is incredible. Lilly’s tall to begin with, but perched over me like this, I can see the rounded swell of her breasts, and past that, when she moves in just the right way, her face contorted in needy expressions.

Well, then.

My hands are free, and one goes to her hip, to push her down further as my tongue dips between her legs. She tastes ever-so-slightly sweet, and I soon groan as her hips arch against my tongue, in search of more. Her hands move to her breasts, kneading and caressing them softly. She’s much better at it than I am, but then, she’s had much more practice, too.

“More,” she half-gasps, half-demands,, her hips grinding a figure-eight pattern over my mouth. Breathing is slightly difficult, not that I much care when every breath is full of her and every lick and suck prompts an eager gasp. I watch as one of her hands leaves a breast to trail down her body and back up my stomach. Clever fingers wrap around my cock and I arch. Only then do I realize just how hard I am, and how good even the slightest touch feels.

“My, my,” Lilly all but purrs. My initial assessment was wrong - now she’s being seductive. “Already hard for me again? You flatter me, Hisao.”

The movement of her hand is slow and halting because I’m distracting her every so often. Her free hand descends into my hair and tugs, as if to demand more. I let my eyes close to focus even more, my tongue slipping inside as my nose grinds against her clit. Like this, my senses are taxed even more than before - scent and taste add to touch and sound, and I’m utterly overwhelmed.

If it’s any consolation though, Lilly’s even less coherent, gasping and pleading, the word “more” practically a mantra for her. My other hand joins the first to hold her hips in place, tongue seeking out her clit to lap at it. Her hand, seemingly trying just to tease earlier, is now a blur, and concentrating on licking her gets more and more difficult.

By the time she simply starts grinding against my face in search of relief, I’m utterly overpowered. All I can do is burn this into my memory. Moans turn into ecstatic shrieks, and finally I hear my name, for the first time, screamed.

Her hand is frantic as she climaxes, stroking wildly, faster than I’ve ever done it even in my most desperate moments. Her hips pin me to the bed, and for a few moments I worry she’s going to forget that I need to breathe due to her enjoyment. The pleasure she’s forcing into me is nearly painful, but finally I can take no more and come, hard, my own gasps and moans muffled.

It takes another minute or so for her to back up, laying atop me as her face buries itself in my shoulder. We don’t say anything as we just lay there, in one another’s embrace. After a moment, Lilly pushes up on her hands, hovering over me long enough to kiss me on the mouth. She pauses, eyebrow arching, and then kisses my nose and cheeks.


“You must be quite a mess,” she observes, a small grin tugging at the corner of her mouth. “My apologies if I went overboard. It...has been a very long time for me.”

“No complaints here,” I reply. “You didn’t go overboard at all, Lilly. That was quite enjoyable.”

Slowly, she picks herself up off of me, scooting back until she’s leaning against the headboard.

“Excellent,” Lilly says, spreading her legs, allowing me a proper look at her. Her pale skin is beautiful and glistening with sweat as one hand steals down between her legs.

“I am a young woman with a healthy sex drive,” she explains. “We are nowhere near finished. Please, my bag is on the couch. You’ll find the condoms in the small zippered compartment.”

Elegant fingers gently stroke her womanhood, and soon, Lilly is moaning softly, the smile on her face equal parts longing and wicked.

“Do hurry back, Hisao,” she breathes, and I’m out of my bedroom in what feels like a split-second.

Tonight might kill me, but there are far, far worse ways to go.

[azumeow]

I'll prepare the longboat, Hisao, you'll get no less than the warmest welcome to Vaghalla.

[Mirage_GSM]

I’d be a little more nervous at the prospect of only the second girl ever to enter a bedroom of mine stepping through the doorway and into my innermost sanctum.

Does he not count Misha as a girl or did he forget about her?

When we finally break the kiss, a thin strand of saliva connects our lips.

I thought that only happens in Anime - and I always thought it kinda gross when it does...

Skimmed over the H-part. I've seen a lot worse.

[Puncyclopedia]

Here's 3-4, I'll consolidate comments before this into the next batch. Cheers!

------

Time is an amazing thing - crawling when I don’t want it to, and racing breakneck around the final turn for home when I’d like to stop and smell the roses.

A huge pile of built-up work sits on my desk at home, threatening to kill me and all that I stand for. In spite of this, I spent three of the past four nights at Lilly’s apartment. She’s a far more efficient grader than I am - though she is aided by a portion of her exams being oral in nature.

Me? Nope, just a giant pile of homework assignments and quizzes and short essays about famous scientists. It’ll take me the entire weekend to get through, and then exams start next week. There’s a short break after that, but the odds of me getting to that break aren’t looking particularly good.

Being scolded by your mentor for letting grading pile up is bad enough, but when your mentor is also your girlfriend, it feels doubly bad. That’s why I’m sitting in Yamaku’s library, grading away with my red pen. I was only able to take a small portion of the pile with me, but it turns out I’m much more productive in the library than in Lilly’s apartment.

The sun has just set - part of me remembers, ruefully, all the time I spent in the Student Council room this late. It’s been over seven years since I was in Yamaku this late. The librarian is barely paying attention to anything that’s not her book; to be fair, there aren’t a whole lot of people in the library. Just me, and…

Across the library is a combination of people that makes no sense to me. It’s four of my students. Satoshi, Naoko, Ken, and Akiko all sit around a table, poring over what are likely the study guides I gave them for the coming test. All four wear serious looks on their faces as I struggle to come up with what they all have in common. They’re all somewhat quiet, but their interests are all quite different. About the only thing that I can come up with is that they all hear.

It makes sense that they’d congregate for studying purposes, especially with exams so close. I try to make sure that everyone works with everyone on group assignments - both so that everyone gets a chance to work with everyone else, and so that any Hisaos in the class aren’t perpetually doomed to a life forced into group projects with Shizunes and Mishas.

My pile of work is temporarily shoved into my bag. I can do work later; for now, it’s time to go see what has turned this mighty foursome into a study group.

They spot me coming, and all wave with varying levels of enthusiasm. Naoko is the least enthusiastic of the group, with Satoshi and Akiko tied for second. Ken seems the happiest to see me.

“Heya, teach!” Ken calls out, loudly enough that the librarian shushes him from across the library. He sighs and slumps in his chair, and I barely manage not to laugh.

“Hello, everyone,” I reply, in a librarian-approved tone of voice. “What brings you all here to the library at this too-late hour?”

“Same thing as you,” Naoko chimes in, to my surprise. It’s four more words than she’s ever willingly spoken to me. “Work. It’s your fault.”

I suppose I have no counter-argument for that.

“Is the study guide helpful at least,” I ask, dodging Naoko’s withering glare. Avid reader Satoshi offers a half-nod.

“It’s pretty good,” he admits. “Very thorough. There’s a lot on this test, which is why we decided to divide it up and each teach the others a bit. Divide and conquer.”

Not a bad approach at all. Especially considering Satoshi is right; there IS a huge quantity of information on the exam. It’s more than I really wanted to give, but I’m hamstrung by what Yamaku feels its students should know by now.

“I’m glad we have another week though, Akiko admits. “I’m still a little fuzzy on some things, but Ken’s really good at explaining things.”

Ken looks almost embarrassed at the praise. “I’m okay at science, I guess.”

He’s more than okay - he’s one of the better scorers in the class, and also one of the few people who I’ve spoken to who is willing to admit that he actually kind of enjoys it.

“I’m glad to see the four of you working hard. The exam shouldn’t be too much of a problem as long as you keep up your studies.” I sound like literally every teacher ever. It’s sort of scary. It feels like I’ve barely been on the job, but it’s actually been long enough that I can be approaching my first break. That fact is even scarier.

“I’ll hold you to that,” Naoko says, grinning. It’s not a pleasant grin, and I take that as my cue to leave.

“Good luck, everyone,” I say, pointedly not looking at Naoko’s smile as I return to my table. I fish the papers back out from my bag, and red pen hits paper again. I start to get into a groove, which makes me happier than I would ever have imagined when I was in 3-3 as a student.

Ten worksheets and seven quizzes fall by my hand before I’m interrupted. When I look up, I see Ken standing there, a curious look on his face.

“Hey, teach,” he says, his voice softer this time. “Got a minute? Wanted to talk to you about something.”

He looks nervous, pacing around a bit by my table. “Sure,” I manage. “Is here okay, or would you like to be further away from your classmates?”

We both glance over at the table. To my surprise, Naoko shoots Ken a thumbs up.

“Here’s fine,” he says, taking one of the empty seats at the table I’m working at. He looks at me carefully, trying to figure out exactly what he wants to say.

“Nakai-sensei,” Ken begins, “how do you think I’m fitting in here?”

I can understand why he wonders - he’s one of a very few Caucasian students in Yamaku. I also don’t see him outside of class much. I know he’s in a couple of clubs - Drama and Walking, if I remember correctly. I know that he seems to get along well with everyone. To my point of view, it seems like he’s doing pretty well.

“I think you’re doing fine, Ken. Especially for someone who’s barely been in Japan for a year, let alone in an environment like this one.”

“I worry about it,” he admits. “Every single day. I know my Japanese isn’t very good --”

“Your Japanese is astonishingly good,” I reply. “I can understand everything you say, and more importantly, you can understand everything I say. If I hadn’t read your file, I wouldn’t know that you hadn’t been speaking it from birth.”

“Even so, I know I stand out. I wish I didn’t. I don’t really have much choice in the matter, though.” 3-3 is used to him by now, but I can imagine he gets more than a few odd looks in the hallways. In some ways, he attracts more attention than students with visible disabilities. Burn scars and missing hands or feet are tragically common at Yamaku - Caucasians aren’t.

“All you can do is the best you can, Ken. You’re off to a much better start than I was, if it makes you feel any better.” That much is a definite certainty. Looking back, I was such an idiot - everyone was reaching out to me, and I was too stubborn or too stupid to accept their hands. If not for Shizune and Misha all but forcing me into accepting their advances…

I don’t want to think about it now. I never wanted to think about it then, either..

“What do you mean, Nakai-sensei? From what everyone in class gossips about, you had a few close friends, didn’t you?”

I hate that everyone knows chunks of my story. Part of me wants to blame Kenji; I could very, very easily see the former janitor of Yamaku telling anyone who’ll listen about my “undercover missions.”

“I did, somehow. Not that I didn’t try to push them away, along with everyone else. You’re a lot different than I was, Ken. You’re open and eager to try new things. I...I was bitter and angry and desperately wanted the old life that I could never have again back.”

I almost laugh at how stupid I was. I can laugh now - I made it. At the time, that fact was a lot less certain.

“If not for the Student Council. I don’t know where I’d be. I certainly wouldn’t be your teacher right now. I owe those two a lot.”

Ken looks at me, mulling over what he wants to say. “I can understand why you’d be bitter.”

He looks hesitant, wanting to say more but unsure if he should.

“Doesn’t mean it helped,” I say, self-deprecatingly. “We’re all here for different reasons, just because I have a reason to be bitter doesn’t mean I should take it out on everyone else.”

[I’m here because of my mother.]

Ken’s hands move slowly and stiltedly. It reminds me a lot of how I started out, full of intent and purpose but lacking in confidence.

[Your mother?] I sign back at him, and he shakes his head.

“Sorry, teach. That’s about as much as I can do in sign. I’m taking classes, but I’m still not very good yet. But yeah. My mom’s deaf. It made me want to learn how to help her more. I looked around a lot, and found Yamaku. I’m on a scholarship here so I can go into advocacy for the deaf and hard of hearing after I graduate.”

That...is a way better plan than I had when I walked through the Yamaku gate.

“That’s very honorable of you, Ken. And you’re making excellent progress on sign - did you just start at the beginning of the year?

He nods his head. “Yeah, my mom only lost her hearing recently. She’s taking lessons too, and doing way better than I am.”

Ken cocks his head to one side. “Out of curiosity, Nakai-sensei, why did you start to learn sign language?”

I slump down into my seat and mumble something unintelligible. No, I have to be honest about this. I don’t want to get into the habit of lying to my students.

“Because of a girl,” I admit. “Not the most noble reason, but…”

In the end, though? I’m pretty happy with that decision I made, if it means that I’m sitting here today.

“So, the rumors are true?” Ken asks, nodding his head.

“Some of them. Not all. Don’t listen to Kaede, she exaggerates things.”

He bites back laughter, and nods again. “Don’t worry, I won’t. Do you ever see her, though? The girl you learned sign for?”

Judging by the look on Ken’s face, it’s only now that he’s figured out that this isn’t one of those stories with a happy ending.

“I haven’t seen her in a little over three years,” I say. “She was doing well when I saw her last, though. No reason to believe she’s not still doing well.”

It’s Shizune. She’s likely bludgeoning her opposition into submission, as always. I’ve never met anyone as driven and determined as she is. I probably never will again, and in the end, that’s likely for the best.

My relationship with her and my memories of her are complicated, enough so that they change by the day, by the hour, even by the minute.

No wonder I can’t bear the thought of ever meeting her again. I have absolutely no clue how I’d react if it happened.

Ken looks over his shoulder, at his group steadily working away. It’s not his fault he’s managed to dig up something I don’t want to talk about.

“Go ahead, Ken,” I encourage. “Your group needs you. I hope I was of some help, at least.”

“You were,” he calls, over his shoulder. “Thanks!” That earns him another shushing from the librarian, one that he ignores this time. As he sits down, I decide that it’s time for me to go home and see if I can get some more work done.

Throwing my bag over the shoulder, I leave Yamaku. It’s dark out, and I wave goodbye to the new janitor as I pass by. She greets me with a “good evening,” and soon I’m walking under the stars, my thoughts full of things I’d rather not think about with exams on the horizon.

[VampireSurfer]

Great history so far, but i think Lilly being this bold is kinda out of character. i know its 7 years in the future and all but i imagined her still being shy when it comes to h-scenes or at least not so forceful.
Dont get me wrong, this fic is awesome.

[Mirage_GSM]

"Still" being shy?
Lilly has been this bold even in the VN. I don't think the seven years since then would have made her any pruder

[Edible_Funk]

Great story, glad to see it updated. Replying to VampireSurfer, I think Lilly is perfectly in character in this. In the VN, she was a classic example of lady in the streets and freak in the bed, going on about her healthy adolescent sex drive. This older Lilly gave up just about everything to stay in Japan, and ended up losing almost all of that too. Those experiences have certainly made her more self-assured, as she's made peace with all her decisions that brought her to this point. So this Lilly has lost, experienced loneliness, and is wiser for it. Once she decided she liked Hisao, honestly I'm surprised she waited til he made a move to jump his bones. Personally I still worry that maybe she latched onto him just because he's all she really has right now, but Lilly being aggressive in bed seems perfectly in character.