Letting go of the past - an Emi route.

[ProjectShadow]

Hello all!

This is my first time writing a fan fiction on this particular website, meaning I do have previous experience so following the page limitations may be a slight challenge for me.

I've been wanting to write a story like this for a while. One where my character replaces Hisao because I personally think while he as a main character was well developed, I feel like he didn't really have any interesting qualities in him. Unlike the main 5 girls in KS. Lilly comes from a family of wealth, her mannerisms are the complete opposite of Hisao's. She grew up with her blindness, and somewhat struggled to adapt to her family's lifestyle, where as Hisao only learned of his disability in his late teen years.

The same can be said for the others. Shizune has a father who is loud and boisterous, but also obnoxious and arrogant. A man who refused to listen to countless doctors telling him that his daughter was deaf, so she had to resort to writing to communicate with him, something that she hates doing. Hanako lost both of her parents at a young age, stuck with a visual reminder of the day that spans across half of her body. She ended up withdrawing into a shell of self-consciousness, hating her own existence because of the incident. Rin has lived her entire life with no arms, forcing her to learn to use her feet for tasks not suited for them. She also struggles to understand and express her own emotions, causing her to draw further and further within herself because she doesn't understand people. Emi lost both her legs and her father in the car accident, the emotional trauma made her scared to develop relationships with new people, even more so in a school with disabled people, where someone she knows could die.

Hisao's backstory is very vague, it seems like the developers didn't spend much time on his past, and only focused on what was going on in the present as far as he was concerned. The most we know about his pre-heart attack life was that his parents worked long hours, so he spent time either home alone or exploring the city. And that he had 3 friends who he spent most of his time with either in school or in the city.

So it is with great pleasure that I introduce to you, the main character!

FFKSFANFIC-Recovered.jpg

Unfortunately, I am not an artist. The image itself is a character from a fairly popular anime, chosen because he looks similar to how my MC would, and I have edited it accordingly. Over the duration of the story, his past will be revealed, but I have left a small hint in the image itself, which I'm sure you all noticed.

As for the basic information: His name is Freyjadour Falenas. The name itself isn't original, neither are the family members or their design. But the story away from KS is entirely my own. The name itself isn't Japanese, because he isn't either. His entire heritage is Egyptian-Italian from the mother's side, and French-English from the father.
His disability is the same as Hisao's - Cardiac Arrythmia and Congenial Heart Muscle Deficiency, but he also suffers from Alexithymia and has an Eidetic memory; a perfect recall of everything he has experienced, which results in him losing focus occasionally, because his memories tend to flash in his mind at seemingly random intervals.

Throughout the story, more and more will be revealed, which will hopefully turn this character into one who can actually relate better to the girls for different reasons. Now there is one problem with this, which is something I will do my best to avoid. Emi already has a route in the game, so I really have no choice but to follow it to an extent, so you may find some chapters lacking because you've seen it before, but I hope the moments from my own thoughts will make up for that.

And the final note: I cannot guarantee consistent updates. I tend to be quite busy on my working days, and at the time of writing this, I am searching for another job so my time is limited. This may also lead to me relying on the actual story more than I plan to, so if that happens I apologize.

CONTENTS: (Will be updated accordingly)
Prologue - http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?p=237044#p237044

[ProjectShadow]

PROLOGUE - Part 1
Just a slight warning, some parts of this chapter are a little on the dark side. Reader discretion is advised

I really hate hospitals.

Not what they're used for. But what they represent.

It took all of a week for me to sink into depression, after the Doctor told me it would be a while before I could leave. Quite a few people visited me in that week, but I requested that I receive no visitors with the exception of family, both blood and honorary. It just became too much for me with twenty people fighting to see me in a hospital bed, people who I barely know despite being in the country, and in the school for nearly seven years.

It's been six months since I was admitted. Six months since she ruined my life. I never expected her to visit, especially with the court hearing approaching, but she did anyway so I quickly barred her from coming near my room. The most satisfying thing that has happened since coming here is listening to her screaming at the nurses because she wasn't allowed inside, and then promptly storming off.

I don't even know why I'm thinking of her. I've already had the rug pulled out from under me once in this decade, and now, because of her, it's happened again. People will always tell you that fighting is bad, and they're right. I agree with that opinion unless it's a friendly bout with someone you know, or a challenger at your local gym. The reason I participated is because it helped me blow off some steam after a long day. Since my early teen years I've had anger problems, and fighting helps to channel that anger into something productive... sort of.

And now I can't even do that. During my recovery from the incident, they noticed that my heart beats were uneven. I had noticed that a while back, but I just brushed it off as something unimportant. Well it turns out it was. Apparently, I have a heart condition known as “Arrythmia” while also suffering from some sort of muscle deficiency in the same area. The reason I had to stop fighting, why I have no way to release the anger that builds up. Any knocks to the chest could prove to be fatal for me, overexerting myself results in the same thing.

I haven't been getting much sleep recently. The event that put me here is still so vivid in my mind. I put on a strong face, but I can tell my family don't believe it at all. The attack scarred me, both mentally and physically, I'm only lucky that there were people nearby to stop them from taking it too far.

FLASHBACK

It's getting late. I probably should've taken a coat with me or something, even if it didn't start snowing, I was bound to be chilly covered in sweat. Seriously, since when does it snow in November?

That girl is really starting to get on my nerves, even more than she already has that is. One would think that after a two whole years of being told “no”, she would get the hint. I'm really not sure why, but the girls in this country seem to adore me, so much so that just about every girl in my school have asked me out already, some more than once.

Maybe it's because I'm from a different country. Maybe its the hair and eyes. Maybe it's the accent or the grades or the money. I really don't know why they like me so, they just do. But she takes it too far. The students seem to think it's poetic, the most popular guy, and the most popular girl – The ultimate power couple! She certainly seemed to think so at least. I personally wanted nothing to do with it. The guys think I'm crazy because of it, but I really am not interested in a woman who only wants to be with me for her own personal gain. Every girl who has asked to date me knows next to nothing about me. The only one who does is Iwanako, and that's only because she's a damn stalker!

Iwanako. The person every girl in Tokyo High wants to be like. The most popular girl in school. And my stalker. The lengths she goes to to try and court me is insane. Love letters in my locker, constant confessions multiple times in a week. She even had the audacity to try and buy me out by offering a marriage contract to my parents.

That was earlier today actually. She and her father turned up at our door with a manilla envelope in hand. She seemed to be so certain it would work because as soon as she saw me, she latched on like a leech, spouting nonsense about a lakeside marriage, who the bridesmaids were going to be, what kind of dress she would wear. I, of course promptly removed myself from her grip, to which she looked at me confidently stating that “Don't worry dear husband, once the marriage is official there'll be no escaping my grasp”

“You're off your fucking nut!” my response slipped out before I could stop myself, luckily it was in English so neither she nor her father could properly understand what I was saying, however with the way my parents burst into laughter, I'm sure they could tell it was unpleasant. She seemed so confident that my parents would accept the terms; they received a large sum of money in hand, and were then given a small percentage of the original sum each week for five years. In return, she and I would be wed by the end of the week, and I would be unable to file for divorce no matter what. I would also have to give her at least two children.

They were basically asking to buy me. Anyone who isn't a psychopath would agree that the terms... no the request itself is completely asinine. Mother and Father obviously agreed, since they didn't even give it a second thought and tore the contract in two, right in front of them. They politely asked for Iwanako and her Father to leave, which they did thankfully, though she seemed to be debating whether it was worth protesting against my parent's decision.

Which brings me here. I've been at the gym for the last four hours or so, trying to work off some of the anger she caused in me. I called Mother earlier on to let her know I'd be staying a bit longer, and she asked me to pick up some groceries on the way back, which is why I'm now lugging home two plastic bags that are filled to the brim with food. It's pretty dark out right now, my watch says it's only 6:30 but it feels later than it actually is... probably because last year the sun didn't fully set for another week or so, but I digress.

Iwanako has really been driving me crazy recently, it seems like she's willing to go to any lengths to date me. Heck, if earlier was any indication the next thing she'd resort to is kidnapping, she seems like the type. What do they call those types? Yandere or something like that?

Sigh~

It's just my luck huh? My usual way home is blocked by a pair of women, who look to be middle aged, giggling and pointing in my direction. I really don't want to deal with this... oh, an alleyway. I can just cut through here, carry on home.

Maybe I should've thought this through. I've just entered a dark alleyway, no light except for the few coming from some windows higher up on the buildings, and my gut's telling me that something's wrong... and it's usually right.

Yep, I can hear someone coming from behind... two someones. Heh, they think they're sneaky? “You know, sneaking up on someone like that is very suspicious. I do hope the two of you aren't planning anything malicious?” a little cliché? Maybe so. But it's fun seeing their confused faces. These two don't look like anyone I've ever seen before, nor do they look like the type to be hanging round an area like this. As much as I hate saying it, the type of people who live around here tend to be more wealthy than the average person, and these guys look fairly “low-class” if you follow the stereotype. Both dressed in dark tracksuits, one of them with a poorly hidden switch-blade in his pocket. Either that or it's a really, really thin phone.

“Why would you think that?” the shorter of the two asked me, the one with the knife. Probably to make up for his shorter stature, compared to his taller companion.

“A pair of guys. Creeping up on a guy wearing designer clothes, which tend to be quite expensive. One is nothing but brawn, whereas the other has a pocket knife that has not been hidden well. All of which point to one conclusion: You're muggers, intent on stealing the items on my person.” They look confused... why do they look confused?

“He's pretty smart Koharu” so the short guy's name is Koharu? I'm guessing I wasn't meant to know that, judging by the way shorty's glaring at the tall one

“Dammit Kenta! Now he knows our names you moron!” I really can't help but grin at this. It's like a comedy show unfolding right infront of me.

“You're both morons. Just stick to the plan. It doesn't matter if he knows your names, he won't talk if we do enough damage.” What the? Where did he come from. I'm left little time to ponder, as he charges at me, giving me barely enough time to avoid the on coming blow that was sure to have stung a bit if it had connected. Come to think of it he looks quite familiar...

“Plan? So this isn't a random mugging then?” the answer to my question was obvious when I took in the features of who I assume is the leader of this little rag tag group of wannabe bandits. If the hair and eyes didn't give it away, his words did.

“Yep, been planning this for a long time. I'll teach you for making my little sister cry! Nobody makes Iwanako cry!” Her brother? If I recall correctly his name is Sakai or something similar

“So you want to hurt me... because I won't go out with your sister? You really think the best way to 'Avenge' her is to attack the man she's pining over?” Are they for real?

“Ha! You're trying to trick me into leaving you alone, but it won't work. She asked me herself to teach you a lesson.” Okay... I did not see that coming. Them attacking me is somewhat expected, but my stalker calling a hit on me? Like I said. Yandere.

So Sakai's the first. It's obvious he has no fighting experience at all. He's at least 20 feet away from me, and already he's got his fist in the air. It's like he wants me to counter. As the fist comes down, I dodge to the left and lock his arm in place with my shoulder under his armpit, and my right arm over his left shoulder. Now I don't need to watch my back. Then again, dumb and dumber probably wouldn't be able to do much, even with the advantage.

[ProjectShadow]

PROLOGUE - Part 2

Sakai's flailing uselessly in my grip, and the others are just... staring at me. It takes his prompting for them to do anything useful. Kenta, who I have now dubbed ham hands, decides to follow his leaders... well, lead, and charged straight at me in the same fashion. I highly doubt I can catch his fist, his has a lot more power in it, so I just throw Sakai in his direction, causing the two to tumble to the floor, leaving only me and Koharu standing.

He's obviously the smartest of the bunch, as he pulls out his pocket knife in an attempt to gain an advantage over me. Unfortunately for him, my mentor taught me how to disarm an armed opponent. 'Okay, just remember what Georg taught me' As expected, he opts to jab the knife low, aiming for my gut, so I'm easily able to sidestep it and grab his wrist to prevent him from swinging it further. I pull him towards one of the buildings and slam his arm against the wall, causing him to drop the knife, and drive my elbow into his forehead, sending him to the floor clutching the affected area.

The big guy seems to have recovered however, as a large hand grabs my shoulder and spins me around into a similarly sized one. The blow was unexpected, so it hurts more than it would have if I was better prepared. He grabs me again, but this time, I latch onto his wrist and duck under the arm it's attached to. Now at his flank, I kick out his legs from behind while simultaneously pushing my forearm into his chest, which sends him backwards to the stony floor.

'Wait. Where's Sakai?' I'm barely able to finish the thought as I hear hurried footsteps from behind. Quickly turning to hopefully cut off what I expected to be another fist towards my head, I'm left in surprise as a heavy weight crashes into the left side of my chest, and I can't help but yell out in agony at the feeling. I can feel my heart beating erratically, my ribs searing in pain as I crash to the ground on my knees clutching my chest. My eyes are pinned to the floor, trying to stave off the wave of dizziness that came with the pain, but out of the corner of my eye, I can see the aforementioned foe wielding what looked to be a metal pipe.

“Would you look at that? My sister made you out to be some hot shot. A real tough guy who fought ten men and came out on top. Yet here you are, on your knees. Out for the count, and all it took was a little surprise.” another wave of pain hits me, only this time it's in my left arm as he brings the pipe down harshly onto my shoulder. I can feel myself slowly slipping into unconsciousness, barely able to register his two goons grabbing either of my arms, leaving my torso wide open, causing me to yell out once more as my broken ribs expand “Now. This isn't the first time I've had to hurt someone badly. In fact, I did it quite often when I was back in school. To bullies you see. To people who made my little sister cry, and just because she's in love with you doesn't mean you get it easy, you hear?”

My vision is fuzzy, I can see him reaching into the black bag he brought with him “Lift his shirt up” his command is followed swiftly, as I can feel the cold air nipping at my exposed stomach, but that cold was quickly replaced with a searing heat. More screams come from me, and as my vision clears slightly, I can see the object causing my injury. It looks like a small blowtorch, and he's aiming it straight at my abdomen, slowly but surely melting the skin away, and drawing a significant amount of blood. My vision's leaving me again, and I can faintly hear what sounds like a woman shrieking in the distance. The torch is removed from my direction, and I can faintly see Sakai's head turning to what I assume to be the direction of the sounds, and I take my chance. Wrenching my arms forward, the two stooges are pulled towards my direction, clashing heads as they meet in the middle. I quickly get to my feet and rush forward to the one who caused all of this pain, and in one swift move, his head meets my own as I bring my forehead down onto the bridge of his nose. The next thing I know is darkness as I collapse myself, sliding down the wall of the building I was held against.

PRESENT DAY

And that's how I got here. I was unconscious for a week and a half, though it was partially due to the sedatives. When I awoke, they told me of the extent of my injuries. My left arm had been dislocated, and two of the ribs in my left side were broken. They patched up my abdomen as best as they could, but they told me that it would leave a permanent scar, which had shown within a month, but the most serious injury was the underlying condition, the one that I was born with. Arrythmia. Doctor Takashi had told me that, while the condition itself usually revealed itself naturally at my age, it likely would've remained dormant for a good decade due to my health at the time, but the event triggered it in possibly the worst way, and that's when my parents told me. That I wouldn't be able to participate in sports that involve contact, that I couldn't fight to resolve my anger problems... that I had to stay in a place that I despise for an “indefinite period of time”

In my own eyes, my life was over, and I truly stick by that. I didn't just fight because it got rid of my anger, I genuinely enjoyed the adrenaline that came with it. But now I'll never be able to feel that again without risking my life in the process. As the months went by, depression sank in, I found myself staring into space more often than I did. I took refuge in books instead of speaking to the people who care about me. I was reliving the incident from eight years ago all over again... and it's all Iwanako's fault.

My musing is cut short as Doctor Takashi enters the room followed by Mother and Father. They seem... exited for some reason. Something I haven't seen in them since before I got here.

“Mr Falenas. We have some great news for you.” the doc said with his usual grin “Your time here is coming to an end. All we need to do is give you one final check up, and then you're golden!” I think this is the first time I've smiled like this in a while. I'm finally leaving this place, I can finally go home. My parents seemed to share my enthusiasm, if their own smiles were any indication, but that vanished as Mother looked at me regret.

“Freyjadour, honey. We can't send you to your old school. A condition like yours requires constant monitoring, especially at an early stage like this, and neither I nor your Father are home nearly enough to provide the support you need but you also need to finish your education.” I don't like where this is going... “There's... a school. Specifically for students with... conditions, be they physical or internal, they have a 24-hour nursing staff, that are fully qualified to tend to each students needs. We feel like it's the best place for you to go.” That's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Were they worried that I wouldn't like being labelled as a disabled person?

“The school's called Yamaku Academy. And it's not in Tokyo.” Oh. That's why she was hesitant. My gaze drifts out the window, taking in the sights of my home town for the past 7 years because I doubt I'll see it again for a while. A hand is grips my shoulder gently “It's quite a ways north, in Sendai. You're Mother and I went to visit, and I must say it's quite nice. The town is nice and quaint, the atmosphere is peaceful. The school itself is well funded, so you're sure to get the best education possible given the circumstances.” I can't help but vocalise my thoughts

“Do I even have a choice?” My voice is quiet, and slightly scratchy. Probably from the lack of use lately. I'm pulled into a hug by Mother, and instantly feel better. Call me weird or crazy, but for some reason her presence just calms me... I hate to say it, but out of the two, I'd probably miss my Mother the most.

“Of course you have a choice, Frey. There's always a choice, but we just want you to be happy, to be able to grow into the man you wanted to be, and it won't be possible if you remain sheltered. A new school, a new city, new people. Who knows, maybe you could make a few friends. ACTUAL friends who don't want to know you for their own reasons. The students there can relate to you better than anyone in Tokyo could, and not because wealth or social standing.” I can't help but agree with Mother. But I still don't like the thought of moving again.

Sigh~

“When do I leave?” she places a small kiss on atop my head, and speaks softly to me.

“We'll get you home later tonight to prepare, then we leave at the in two days to get you moved into the dorms.”

“Georg and Bern were able to get time off of work to say goodbye before you leave. Sialeeds tried but she couldn't, so she's going to call a little later on okay?” I nod softly, acknowledging Father's words. At least I get to see some of them before I move out. I just hope nothing goes wrong this time around. My Uncle Georg fancies himself a philosopher of sorts, and while it's all in jest, something he said really stuck with me “The past is a ghost, the future a dream. All we ever have is now.”

END OF PROLOGUE

[InSaiyan]

I normally don't read these fics with OC characters, not because I hate the idea, they're just never much of a good read.

I enjoyed this though, for the most part. I'm not crazy on the use of the same girl that Hisao's issues stemmed from, but you put a neat twist on it.

There's some misspellings and structural issues with some of your sentences, but the story is good enough for it to not bother me so far.

Keep up the good work!

[ProjectShadow]

I normally don't read these fics with OC characters, not because I hate the idea, they're just never much of a good read.

I enjoyed this though, for the most part. I'm not crazy on the use of the same girl that Hisao's issues stemmed from, but you put a neat twist on it.

There's some misspellings and structural issues with some of your sentences, but the story is good enough for it to not bother me so far.

Keep up the good work!

Thank you for the feedback! Would you be able to point out the misspellings and such, just so I don't make the same mistakes in the future?

[Mirage_GSM]

Okay, for starters, Hisao's backstory being less developped than the others' in the VN is more or less intentional, since in a VN the protagonist is usually meant to be the placeholder for the reader. Also he's not supposed to steal the spotlight fro the heroines.
Of course it's your right not to be satisfied with it, but...

As for the basic information:...His entire heritage is Egyptian-Italian from the mother's side, and French-English from the father.
His disability is the same as Hisao's - Cardiac Arrythmia and Congenial Heart Muscle Deficiency, but he also suffers from Alexithymia and has an Eidetic memory; a perfect recall of everything he has experienced, which results in him losing focus occasionally, because his memories tend to flash in his mind at seemingly random intervals.

...this sounds like your stereotypical Mary Sue: A foreigner who is cool and detached and still has superiour mental capacities.
Also... Alexithymia? Really?
I can hardly think of any condition that it would be harder to write a first person story about. A first person PoV is interesting because the reader gets to know the feelings of the protagonist/narrator. A protagonist with alexithymia doesn't even know his own feelings... Writing the story like that consistently will be HARD.

Okay, on to the story proper:

I'm really not sure why, but the girls in this country seem to adore me, so much so that just about every girl in my school have asked me out already, some more than once.

This really doesn't help to alleviate my worries about a Mary Sue story...

or the grades or the money

So, he's also rich and good at school...

“A pair of guys. Creeping up on a guy wearing designer clothes, which tend to be quite expensive. One is nothing but brawn, whereas the other has a pocket knife that has not been hidden well. All of which point to one conclusion: You're muggers, intent on stealing the items on my person.”

I'm trsying to think of a reason why someone who is about to be mugged would try to insult his attackers, but I'm coming up blank.

Unfortunately for him, my mentor taught me how to disarm an armed opponent.

Skilled at martial arts, too? How did he do years of martial arts training with his condition?

You're Mother and I went to visit

"Your mother"
The writing itself is not bad at all, but you should really consider if you want your protagonist to be some kind of all-powerful superman - because I'd take a bland protagonist like Hisao over someone like that any day.

[Oddball]

Throughout the story, more and more will be revealed, which will hopefully turn this character into one who can actually relate better to the girls for different reasons.

No. This goes against one of the lessons Hisao had to learn in the game. People are people. You don't have to know what they're going through to treat them like people.

Now there is one problem with this, which is something I will do my best to avoid. Emi already has a route in the game, so I really have no choice but to follow it to an extent, so you may find some chapters lacking because you've seen it before, but I hope the moments from my own thoughts will make up for that.

That never works. Re-writing the story and just sticking a few extra tidbits in doesn't capture anyone's attention. It just bores them. We've read the actual story before. Give us the new stuff.

Really, I'm just not liking this guy. He's too perfect, too full of himself, has everything going for him, everyone loves him, and he's an exotic foreigner of like eight different nationalities. Oh, and he's like a Bruce Lee martial arts master. Plus you turn Iwanako into some psycho stalker bitch just to make your character look even better and stick in some out of place action scene, and on top of all that you STILL manage to retell Hisao's openning scene.

This so far has been everything I don't want to see in an original character.

Also, the fact that this guy regularly fights and nothing had triggered his condition until now is about as believable as Emi not noticing her legs where missing until she went to try on new shoes.

[Mirage_GSM]

Now there is one problem with this, which is something I will do my best to avoid. Emi already has a route in the game, so I really have no choice but to follow it to an extent, so you may find some chapters lacking because you've seen it before, but I hope the moments from my own thoughts will make up for that.

That never works. Re-writing the story and just sticking a few extra tidbits in doesn't capture anyone's attention. It just bores them. We've read the actual story before. Give us the new stuff.

Actually that part I didn't understand... Emi does have a route in the game, but so does any of the others. Why you have to follow that one and not the othersis not really clear to me.

[emi]

OC is fine but if you're gonna make him a martial arts master you can't stick to the original story and you definitely can't have the same disability. if you rewrite it as some supernatural fic it's different but no one wants to read katawa shoujo with a professional ninja protagonist, it just doesn't work, sorry. It's not badly written, but it's not very believable.