Ah, sorry. I didn't see the error in what you quoted, that's why I was curious. The original text you quoted didn't say "myself am standing."Mirage_GSM wrote:More a grammar issue than a typo I guess...
Blank Mage wrote:believe in yourselfEurobeatjester wrote:I doubt my ability to write convincing lesbian erotica
Sore wa himitsu desu.griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Blank Mage wrote:believe in yourselfEurobeatjester wrote:I doubt my ability to write convincing lesbian erotica
What's this? A new chapter within a month of the last one?
Yep! I had a lot of free time the last few weeks, so I was able to get one out faster than I usually do! This one's one of the shorter ones however - can't have every single chapter taking up 15+ pages as much as I would like to 
Hope you all enjoy it! Comments and feedback appreciated as always
Act 3: Ignition
Scene 3: Melting Pot
The bubbling water envelops me up to my neck as I sink in, the heat leeching the tension from my body with an audible sigh. I haven't had much of a chance to use the spa here, but I really should make more of an effort to incorporate it into my morning routine. I got a dozen laps or so in before jumping in here, so I feel less guilty about it.
With my mind and body slowly dissolving into a satisfied blob, the mental block I had in place from last night fades away and I'm remembering the unexpected piece of mail I got.
Iwanako.
I hadn't even thought about her for at least a week or so. I hadn't really thought about anything from my time before Yamaku, besides reliving some memories that are distant enough to be nostalgic and not threatening, like the last time I went to the beach. I've been making a conscious effort not to, simply because I haven't found anything in it to help keep my spirits up. Yesterday was a perfect example; I had an amazing time in town with Saki, Chisato, and Mitsuru, and the night ended in a fantastic way...then getting that letter pulled me right back.
Why would Iwanako have taken the bother to write me a letter, anyway? The last time I saw her, the sense of awkwardness was only surpassed by the sense of finality. After sitting together without talking for around half an hour, she didn't even look me in the eye when she said goodbye.
It was horrible, but in a small way, when she didn't come the next day, I was relieved. I went from looking forward to her visits to feeling indifferent, to actually dreading them. Neither one of us were enjoying them near the end, but Iwanako just couldn't muster up the strength to stop coming, and I couldn't muster up the strength to tell her to stay away...both of us victims of appearances and expectations.
That sense of forced cordiality was brought back full force when I sat down and read her letter.
It started out easily enough. She wished me well at Yamaku, saying how everyone missed me and that most of the class got put together for the final year of school. She went on to talk about final exams coming up, and the pressures that the class was feeling.
It was the same type of casual conversation you would expect to have among friends...but when the friendship is damaged, or nonexistent...it comes across as something else entirely.
Like a buildup before some bad news. Invoking familiarity, trying to soften the deadblow that's sure to come.
And it did...but not in a way I expected.
I wanted to express my feelings, but I couldn't find the right words. I didn't know what to say to comfort you. I'm so sorry I couldn't support you when it mattered the most, even though you're important to me. At least now, I feel like I can be more honest, even if it's through a letter.
I wanted to tell you not to give up on yourself. That's what I wanted to say, but I couldn't. Maybe you wouldn't have shut yourself up so tight if I could have just said those words. I hope you've managed to get back on your feet where you are.
It's so strange. Now that there's real distance between us, it feels more final, somehow. I wonder if we'll meet again. Perhaps it's for the best if we don't? Still, if you want to correspond with me, by all means, please write me back. I really want to hear about how you're doing. I wish you all the best.
Iwanako
I'm torn between wanting to write her back, and remaining silent. She said it might be best if we never meet again...but I know she did that to either give me an out, or to make it easier on herself if I don't reply.
At the very least, I thankfully don't need to decide now. I should probably spend a few days at least trying to analyze why the letter was so shocking to me. I think I have part of the answer, but not all of it. Regardless, I'm going to have to make a decision in the next few weeks, before summer break. I'll be heading home for it, and if I do anything besides sit in my room, I know that word will get out among my friends that I'm back in town. My parents will talk to someone else's, someone will see me at the grocery store, or taking a walk in the park, and word will spread.
Government intelligence agencies have nothing on teenage grapevines.
I hear footsteps approaching from the entrance to the pool area. I think it must be Saki, but the sound of flip flops are...too even. I don't hear the pause between steps that I would normally hear with her cane. A few seconds later, I can't hide the surprise on my face when I see who actually walks in.
“Chisato?”
Chisato gives a small yelp and jumps as she hears someone call her name, frantically looking around before she finally sees my head barely above the surface of the water in the spa.
“Hisao? Is that you?”
“Yeah,” I answer. “I didn't think I'd see you here.”
Chisato starts to make her way towards the spa, clutching a large towel to her chest and shooting me an evil grin that starts to set off warning bells.
“Well, since we decided yesterday that we're going to the beach in two weeks, I wanted to try on my new bikini. What do you think?”
Before I can even process those words, Chisato slings the towel over her shoulder, unashamedly and completely baring herself, and what I see derails any thoughts I was actively trying to form. The string bikini she's wearing covers just enough to be decent while at the same time leaving precious little to the imagination. While Saki's black suit hints at the figure underneath, Chisato's puts it on full display. The white fabric clings to her in the right places to accentuate her physique, connected to each other by black strings that wrap around her back and hips. It appears those same black strings actually tie the top together in the front, focusing the attention on her...assets.
I'm not sure what's hotter at the moment – Chisato, the water in the spa, or my face.
Chisato breaks the trance with a victorious cackle. “Good! I hope Mitsuru has the same reaction as you just did!”
“Sorry,” I stammer out, turning my head to the side. I think...no, I know I've never ogled someone like that before.
“Oh let me assure you, no need to be sorry. It's flattering. Besides, I wouldn't wear this if I didn't want to show off.”
I cast another glance at her. That suit leaves absolutely no hiding places, and a question rises through the haze of red-bloodedness.
“Where's the, um...”
“Oh, my pump?”
I nod dumbly, which causes her to laugh. “Yeah, I guess you'd notice it if I was wearing it. I change my needle today, so I decided to go for an hour or two without it.” Upon closer inspection, I see the white circle of a bandage on her left arm, about halfway between her shoulder and elbow.
“You plugged it into your arm?”
“This time.”
“I thought you wore your pump on your hip?”
Chisato closes the distance and takes a step into the spa, sitting down on its edge facing me. “Yeah, but I can put the needle in anywhere as long as I change it every few days. Check it out.” She holds her arms out towards me and twists them so I can take a closer look. Next to the bandage, I see a cluster of small white dots of scar tissue...and now that I know what to look for, I see them on her other arm, her hips, and her abdomen.
“I cringed every time they drew blood or put a new IV in. Ugh, I can't imagine going through that every few days.”
“You should know better than most what you can learn to put up with when the alternative is dying,” she answers brightly, hopping off the edge and plunging into the water, causing a wave to move across and me to stand up to escape it.
“Damn,” I hear Chisato say in a low, awed tone, something completely uncharacteristic given the conversation. A quick look at her face shows the reason why, as her eyes have widened and settled directly on my chest and the scar residing there. With a quick flush of embarrassment, I move my hand to self consciously cover it.
“Hey, I showed you mine. Only fair you show me yours,” Chisato says, pouting at me.
(continued...)
Blank Mage wrote:believe in yourselfEurobeatjester wrote:I doubt my ability to write convincing lesbian erotica
A feeling of disbelief hits me for a moment towards her for how nonchalantly she made that comment, but the edge is take off it when I see her unabashed curiosity.
“That's where they operated on your heart, right?”
“Yeah,” I say, sinking back down into the water. The bubbles at the surface fortunately do a good job of hiding my scar from both of us.
“That's not that bad, if you're worried about it,” she says, trying to assure me. “Haven't seen many of the guys with their shirts off here the last few years, but there's a few girls that have the same type of scar. Some of them look a lot worse than yours does.”
It never really occurred to me until she said it, but I would imagine that I can't be the only one here at Yamaku who's had their chest opened up.
“Is that so?” I ask idly, tracing the scar with my fingertips underneath the water.
“Yeah. There's a second-year here who has one going clear from her navel to her collarbone. First time we were all in the locker room last year together she just whipped her shirt off and showed it to us.”
“Just like that?” I reply, alarmed, imagining myself doing the same thing.
“She said that if we'd all see it anyway, it was easier to get it over with,” Chisato laughs. “She made a morbid joke that when she died the autopsy tech would know exactly where to cut.”
I shake my head. Everyone handles dealing with things differently, including using black humor; I'm not sure why I thought these types of things would be an exception to that rule.
“It's amazing though, when you think about it, isn't it? How lucky people like us are?” Chisato asks, sinking further into the water.
Lucky isn't exactly word I would use to describe “people like us,” but then again, whether it's bad or good, I guess it's statistically true that luck is impartial to the wishes of its recipients.
“How do you mean?”
“Just think about what would have happened to people like us a hundred years ago. They probably would have had no idea how to treat your heart problem, and I'd be, well, dead.”
I...haven't really thought of it that way before.
“I mean, even now, they've even figured out how to make a pump I only have to change the needle on every few days instead of shooting myself up a few times a day. I had to do that when I was younger and this is so much easier. We even have a whole school like Yamaku that exists just for us.”
That was something I wasn't expecting from Chisato. The range of impressions that I've received from others and myself about Yamaku vary wildly. Some may see it as little more than a type of prison. Saki's said that others can see it as a place for undesirables. Rarely have I encountered people feeling positive about the school on its own merits. I guess my own thoughts have been too bitter to actually think about the meaning of Yamaku's existence itself.
“You really like it here, don't you?”
“Mm-hmm,” she nods, closing her eyes and resting her head back against the edge. “I'm lucky to have ended up here. I've made some great friends like Saki and Noriko and now you, I have a great boyfriend, and Mrs. Sakamoto is the most amazing teacher I've ever had.”
Hearing her talk like this is a nice change of pace. I've never seen or heard Chisato open up like this. She's pretty similar to Misha in pure brashness, but there's an edge there that I imagine she doesn't let too many people see past.
“What are you thinking of doing after we graduate this year?” I ask her. I've only just started thinking about that situation myself, and reading about how my old class is feeling the same pressure, it's something I'm curious about.
“Music, duh,” Chisato laughs. “Seriously though, playing the piano is what I want to do with the rest of my life.”
“That's awesome,” I answer, even if the answer doesn't surprise me. “It would be a waste not to, with how talented you are.”
“That's one of the reasons I'm really thankful for Mrs. Sakamoto. She's giving me and Saki the chance to record an album. I mean, I couldn't ask for a stronger resume if I tried.”
“Resume?”
“Of course. I plan to audition for the Tokyo Philharmonic as soon as I can. She's said I would have a good chance with how I play, and with her backing me, I'll never have a better shot at it than I do right now. At the very least I can get into a music school.” She sits up straighter to look at me. “How about you?”
I reach a hand up to scratch an itch above my ear. “I don't know, actually. I mean, with everything that's happened so far this year, I haven't given much thought about it.”
“What did you want to do before you came to Yamaku?” Chisato asks. “You had to have asked yourself that sometime before just now, right?”
“You know,” I answer truthfully, “I've always loved science. Maybe go into research, or become a science teacher. I've thought about it a few times before, but not too hard. Maybe I'll get a better idea in the next few months.”
“Better make up your mind soon. We only have a few months before crunch time,” Chisato says with a grumble. I can tell she's preemptively hating the latter half of our year. “But enough of that. I'm still riding on the good waves from yesterday. I don't want to spoil it with talk about how our future gets irrevocably decided in a few months.”
“You do seem a bit happier than usual,” I point out.
“It was a good time. I know Saki had fun. You didn't?”
“Oh, I had plenty of fun on the date. Not when I got back to the dorm.”
“Why, what happened?”
Ah crap. I grimace. I wish I hadn't said that. I make eye contact with Chisato, who raises an eyebrow in equal parts concern and expectation.
“I ended up getting a letter from someone...back home.”
Chisato doesn't answer, but just waits for me to go on.
“It's a long story,” I offer up lamely.
“I've got nothing but time,” Chisato says softly, the corner of her mouth pulling up into a small smile.
I weigh the idea of it in my head. I know Chisato is a huge gossip, especially when it comes to Saki. But I feel, even if it's just from the conversation we've had this morning, that this would be something she wouldn't be blabbing about. And maybe talking about it will help.
I spend the next ten minutes telling Chisato everything, even though that wasn't my intention. It seems that once I start, once the weight starts being lifted off my shoulders, I feel like I'm at a confessional, pouring everything out.
I tell her a bit about my old school, and my friends in it.
I tell her about Iwanako, and how her confessing to me was what triggered my heart attack.
I tell her briefly about my time in the hospital, and the visits with Iwanako over the two months she came to see me. I tell her about how painful they became before they stopped.
And finally, I tell her about the letter, and what was in it.
I'm surprised I was able to say it all, but I'm even more so by Chisato. To my surprise and relief, throughout my entire dialogue, Chisato simply asks a few questions for clarification from time to time, but never once laughs, teases, or jests.
“I just...I don't know why she would write me,” I finish. “We haven't seen or said a word to each other until that last day in the hospital. Why now?”
“Why not?” Chisato asks, providing a counterpoint. “If she wanted to write you, she would have had to do it sooner or later, right?”
“I guess, but I don't know.”
“Do you think she blames herself for what happened to you?”
(continued...)
Blank Mage wrote:believe in yourselfEurobeatjester wrote:I doubt my ability to write convincing lesbian erotica
“I...maybe. But I told her it wasn't her fault. I did everything to assure her it wasn't and that it would have happened eventually. I don't know if she ever believed me though.”
“It can be really tough,” Chisato says quietly. “Knowing something and believing it are two entirely different things. You know it wasn't your fault, but when you see constant reminders in front of you, it's hard to believe it.”
It's a comforting thing to say, but the way she said it...there was real pain behind it.
That's not the voice of someone who's trying to empathize. It's the voice of someone who's lived it.
“It could have been hard for her, especially since she'd spend the entire school day not seeing you there, then driving it home when she saw you in the hospital, you know?”
It takes a few seconds, but it dawns on me what she's getting at. And as soon as I realize that, I believe I know why Iwanako wrote that letter.
I was able to come to an entirely new place after my heart attack and meet new people, make new friends, and start a new facet of my life. In a way, I guess I never thought I needed closure because of how many things were going on around me.
For Iwanako though, it would be different. She and everyone else would still be in the same school, among the same group of people, the same teachers, the same day-to-day grind...only she'd be constantly reminded every day that things weren't the same.
Even more so, because she saw me more than anyone besides my parents while I was in the hospital.
“Closure,” I say. It's not a question.
“That's what I think,” Chisato confirms. “I think she needed to write that letter to help her move forward. I mean...think of all the things you've had to do. I'm not trying to trivialize what you've been through, with having your attack, moving, and everything else...but everyone has their own issues they need to work through. It can be really easy to lose sight of that when you're dealing with your own stuff.”
Closure. Just one more thing Iwanako and I couldn't give each other. Seeing it like this, from this perspective, suddenly makes the letter make sense.
Including the statement about how it might be best if we didn't see each other again.
Chisato must see the look in my eyes as I stare into the middle distance, lost in thought. “Are you going to write her back?”
“I don't know. What do you think?”
“I think you should,” she answers me, with that same calming voice. “Let her know how you're doing. Tell her a bit about Yamaku. She sounds like she's blaming herself for not doing enough to help you get better. Let her know you're getting there.”
A self-deprecating smile crosses my lips. “Do I tell her about Saki?”
Now Chisato starts to sound like her normal self and laughs. “You're on your own on that one. For what it's worth, you probably want to let her know though, especially if you might run into her this summer. If she still likes you, it might give her time to adjust.”
“You're right,” I say. “Thanks, Chisato. For everything.”
“Pshaw, don't mention it,” she says, waving her hand in dismissal. “It might not look like it, but I'm a good listener.”
“You're right about that.”
“What, being a good listener, or not looking like it?”
“Yes.”
“Watch it, Hisao,” Chisato growls. “Wouldn't want me to tell Saki about your reaction to my bikini, would I?”
All I can do is laugh, and after a second, she joins me. We both relax further into the water.
Chisato does seem to be a good listener. I've never seen this side of her before. She's sharp, quick witted, and can be downright vicious when she wants to be towards her friends and enemies alike, but there's a tenderness there I didn't know existed until today. I gathered she was a good person, but I would have never guessed the specifics.
And that leaves me with a question I've been meaning to ask, but couldn't get to earlier.
“Hey, Chisato?”
“Hm?”
“When I was telling you about Iwanako, and you said what you thought was going through her head...”
“Yeah?”
“It sounded like you were speaking from personal experience, that's all. Was there something like that that happened to you?”
Chisato takes a few long seconds before answering, which she spends shifting her gaze from me to the surface of the water directly under her nose. I see her take a deep breath and let it out with a sigh.
“Yes, there was,” she finally says.
“What happened?” I ask, with the same concern that she had earlier.
"She was..." Chisato starts, but then trails off, deep in thought. This time, the silence is longer. Chisato opens and closes her mouth a few times, as if she wants to speak but catches herself every time she tries. Finally, she shakes her head.
“Even though it happened our first year...I'm sorry. It's not just my story to tell. There were other people involved in it. I just can't,” she says, looking at me with a sense of deep regret in her eyes.
Either for what happened, or because she feels she can't tell me, even if she wants to.
“Alright. But if you change your mind, let me know.”
“Thank you,” Chisato says, relieved. “You know, you're not too bad at this listening thing yourself. Saki's a lucky girl.”
“You sound jealous.”
“Whatever helps your ego. I'm not one to judge,” Chisato laughs.
We spend a few more minutes relaxing, with me getting up to reset the automatic timer for the jets and bubbles before hopping back in.
“Looking forward to the next two weeks?”
“Absolutely. I get to play that Yamaha this weekend, and next weekend we get the beach!”
“Still think Mitsuru's gonna come?”
“He better. There's no point in strangers gawking at me unless he gets the satisfaction of knowing I'm his.”
“That's...an interesting way to put it.”
“Maybe you can tell him how good I look in this. Help motivate him.”
“Oh sure,” I say, rolling my eyes. “'Hey there, just thought you should know your girlfriend looks smoking hot in her new bikini.' Somehow I don't see that going well.”
“What's wrong with compliment by proxy? I've already told Saki I think you have a cute ass.”
“You what?” I blurt out incredulously, sending Chisato into a fit of laughter.
“Relax, relax!” she says, choking on her words as she struggles to regain her composure. “I'm kidding! Definitely kidding. Maybe kidding.”
“So much for that heart to heart earlier,” I mention, rubbing my temples with my fingertips.
“Hey, even if I didn't say it, I can still think it,” she says, standing up to get out. The wave from the displaced water rocks me slightly as water streams off her into a large puddle next to the spa. She turns back to me and gives me one of those looks.
“Speaking of thinking...'smoking hot,' huh?” Chisato asks me, striking a pose similar to the one she did when she first showed off. The effect, while still incredibly alluring, fortunately isn't as strong as it was the first time I was hit with it.
Barely.
“Would you be more offended if I agreed or if I lied and said no?”
Chisato's brow frowns for half a second as she turns over the words in her head, analyzing them for any potential sarcasms or hidden meanings. The fact I was able to stump her brain for even that short amount of time shows the progress I'm making in learning to hold my own in these verbal exchanges.
“Good answer,” she says, giving a nod in appreciation.
It's the little victories that matter.
“Aaaand on that note,” Chisato says, stretching out the first word as she picks up her towel, “I think I'm done. I gotta get back to the dorm and get a new needle in.”
“Everything okay?”
“Oh, nothing's wrong,” she answers as she starts to dry herself off. “It's just that sometimes the heat from the water can throw my insulin off, so I need to get the pump back in place.”
“Huh. But then how are we supposed to go to the beach or the waterpark all day later this summer if you can only take the pump off for a little bit?”
“Oh, I'll keep it with me just in case, but I'll be using normal shots those days. Don't worry.”
I decide to take her at her word. It would be pretty silly of me to doubt or second guess her about these things after all.
Chisato drapes her towel around her neck after a quick patdown, and turns towards me to give a slight wave.
“Catch you later this week!”
I give her a salute of acknowledgment and watch her make her way to the locker rooms. As she turns the corner out of sight, I think about how much more our friendship just grew this morning. I can still barely believe I opened up to her the way I did about Iwanako, but then again, I must have subconsciously realized how much I needed to open up to someone about the whole situation, and not merely the contents of a letter.
Regardless, it's going to be a fun two weeks. First I get to see Chisato and Saki play together again, and then the long weekend and beach trip that comes with it. It's going to be a great opportunity to clear my head before we start taking our summer exams and go into them refreshed...and after seeing Chisato's swimsuit and knowing that the girls always shop together, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious to see what Saki's suit looks like...
Blank Mage wrote:believe in yourselfEurobeatjester wrote:I doubt my ability to write convincing lesbian erotica
Everything is improved with hot springs and beach filler!ImperialLewb wrote:First hotsprings and next going to the beach? Time for the Saki filler ark
Behold, the bikini! Lower left:Texaboose wrote:I really liked this chapter. I mean I really, really liked this chapter. It was such a simple setting, but something about it just flowed off the page. The casual conversation, something that's not easy to write, was perfect; giving growth to our main character and insight and depth into our secondary character. Chisato is an absolute treat and her mannerism is just the right amount of cheeky, serious and kind. Any flaws? Errr... would have really liked that artwork of her in that bikini
Stay tuned to find out!Hesmiyu wrote:Something tells me something bad gonna happen at the water park, possibly to do with Chisato or Hisao's heart.
I mentioned earlier that Hisao changes dramatically between each route by the end of it, but I don't think anything shows it more than in how he handles the letter. You're right; sometimes he just crumples it up in the middle without giving a second thought, thinking that it's simply Iwanako's way to feel better about herself. Other times he gives it serious reflection, and even tells the girl in the route he's after about it. Sometimes he stews on it or he has the benefit of talking to Yuuko or even Kenji about it. To me, those were my favorite ways he handled it, so I rewrote part of the letter (which also changes a bit from route to route depending on how Hisao needs to react to move forward.Iwanako's letter
I hadn't even intended to write Chisato in this chapter at all but it came out really organically and accomplished what I wanted it to, which is probably why this chapter is shorter than othersChisato
I've been told I drag on sometimes so I wanted to see if I could pick up the pace a little bit without fleshing out things for the sake of making the chapter longer. Expect a mix of long and short chapters together from here on out.Ha! That was a Rika reference, the other girl from the April Fool's post. She won't be in the story, but I love how she's been written in some other fics as having a really dark sense of humor.Loved the detail of how hisao' scar pales in comparison to some of the others, while I can understand hisao angst on it and seeing that scar everyday in the mirror is hard to do. What the girl chisato mentions has to deal with is no doubt really hard at times and would make anyone insecure.
See aboveAnd last but not least, as much as a showing of the figure and beauty that is chisato in a bikini suit would be. Leaving us to imagine it in our minds and where exactly the finer points are is more fun.
Blank Mage wrote:believe in yourselfEurobeatjester wrote:I doubt my ability to write convincing lesbian erotica
Actually, I don't think it does... It's just that Hisao doesn't read it in its entirety in every route.so I rewrote part of the letter (which also changes a bit from route to route depending on how Hisao needs to react to move forward.
Sore wa himitsu desu.griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Blank Mage wrote:believe in yourselfEurobeatjester wrote:I doubt my ability to write convincing lesbian erotica
