Silentcook wrote: youve leaved that on the fourms, and my fanfix is more gooder than that[/i!!!!!!!!1
My early fics are still up and just... god, it just hurts to read. Oh god why did I write phantom pains like that.
I can see why somebody would bring up that point, but why would you remove somebodies fic for being bad? Sure, people might not read it but that's no reason to exclude them, no? I'd hope that the kind editors that roam might be able to help them improve. Apologies if I'm missing a rule here.
I'll poke my head in to vote for keeping it. As far as bad fanfics go, it isn't even that bad, and it makes no allusions to being taken seriously. Oddball is demonstrably decent, so it's not like we're really opening the floodgates on that aspect, and if anyone going forward wants to use this piece as an excuse for their own abomination of a fic, you can count on us regulars to back you up in your decision to drop the banhammer. I say deal with that problem if and when it comes up.
And we're back.
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"I wish I could convey to you just how socially inept I am, but I can't."
"I think you just did."
"No, I really, truly haven't."
I'm going to go ahead and post the last chapter now.
Whether the topic gets deleted or locked afterwards, I at least want to say that it's done. Thanks for putting up with my craziness. I promise not to do this sort of thing again.
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Last Chapter
I knock on the door.
Answering the door is a very familiar face … on a very unfamiliar body.
“I hate to burst your bubble but I think we've already did this scene,” Hikage says.
“Iwanako... whatever your name is, this is Hakamichi Rosa,” Saki introduces us. It's like Shizune, but not. The face is almost exactly the same, but the hair color is much lighter and more neatly combed. She's also somewhat taller and even thinner. I think she might be wearing a corset, but I'm not sure.
I bow slightly, but she just looks at the group curiously.
“Let me handle this. This is why I'm here after all,” Hisao.. ko... lady... girl... says. They exchange a fury of hand gestures. After a few minutes, Hisako looks to me. “Here's the idea. Basically if you can't come up with a better story than the mains and you can't figure out how to steal their stories, that leaves one option...”
“Time Travel!” Molly exclaims. We all turn to glare at her.
“Continue, don't let stupid stop you,” Saki says.
“So, the next option is that you just ruin their stories,” Hisaoko says. Other Hakamichi nods proudly.
Why couldn't any of the thirty something people I've got come up with that idea?
Back at Revenge on the Main Character HQ, a name for the girls day-room that I wished I could have thought up several chapters ago, we went over our plans and split up. Rosa stayed with us, but His-and-her-Ao went back to her room. She said that I was making her feel weird.
Thankfully, the story that I was supposed to have starred in hadn't wrapped up yet. That would be the perfect place to strike, as Hanako, Hisao, Misha, and regular flavored Shizune should be there.
Rin, Miki, and Emi should all be at the tracks, so Monoko and green-haired track girl said they'd handle those three themselves. I made Monoko promise not to introduce any more characters before they took off. Also, everyone forgot Lilly was supposed to be in this story. I'll have to edit this chapter later and include her somewhere.
I wasn't there for the next part so I don't know how it happened, but here's what happened.
“I'm all set up on my end,” Monoko said. “How about you?”
“Sure. I just have to beat the two of the best runners at our school. Piece of cake,” that green haired girl says. I heard somewhere that she was called C.C., but I think that might just be somebody confusing her with someone else. C.C. Or whoever she was rolled her eyes. It didn't carry over the phone she was talking to Monoko on, but she felt better about herself.
“Are you really sure you can do it?” Monoko asked again.
“I've got a route planned out that's mostly off pavement, with lots of hills and some stairs. Emi is bad with all of that. Miki is going to be the one to watch out for, but she main strength is distance, not sprinting, so I think I've got her too,” C.C. said. “and if not, they'll kill me. Now get ready,” she added before closing her phone.
Green-hair approached the track. Miki and Emi were running laps. Most likely this was some form of friendly competition, or bonding experience. Yeah, that's what it felt like, two girls out on the track bounding through their shared interest in running, sharing their pains and experiencing and perhaps learning to appreciate each other a little more.
Rin was watching because ... well, who knows why Rin ever does what she does.
Time to put a stop to all that.
“Hey!” Greeny said as she approached the track, waving her arms and trying as hard as possible to get their attention. It was another lap before either of the running girls saw her. Green walked down the fence line, making sure she was clear of the actual entrances before she made her move. “Guess what I've got?”
“Something I don't care about?” Miki guesses.
“Nope,” she says. “Just something pictures of the track team I was going to take over to the newspaper club.”
“Cool. Are there any good pictures of me in there?” Emi asks eagerly.
“I don't know if you'd call them good, but they are of you two, specifically of you two, a bottle of vodka, and somebody's seeing eye dog. Might I add that they're really gross?”
“You won't,” Miki says.
“Try and stop me,” Green says as she takes off running. Miki and Emi make a mad dash for the nearest exit.
As they begin chasing her, Emi calls back to Rin. “Rin, you've got to help me here!” Rin stands up, looks around for a second, then lacking anything else to do, she begins to follow, albeit at a much slower pace and lacking a decent running form.
Emi and Miki chased after Green. Despite both of them being better runners, she had chose a path that paid to her strengths and downplayed her opponents weaknesses. Still, they were good, and there were several close class.
Eventually she ducked into the Nurse's building and made her way to the pool, where she ran past Monoko and hide in one of the large lockers.
Emi and Miki burst into the room moments later. Being shown up by somebody that they both easily beat on the track hadn't done much to lighten their mood.
“Alright, where is she?” Miki said to Monoko. “I saw her come in here, where's she hiding?”
“Rin? How did you get here before either of us?” Emi asked curiously.
“When she ran around the building, I decided I was tired of running and came in here to soak my feet and not run. Sore feet are bad for me,” Rin replied flatly.
“So you were giving up? You're a lot of help!” Emi exclaimed.
“Thank you,” Rin said missing the sarcasm completely.
“Stay on task,” Miki said, elbowing Emi slightly. “Where did she go and where are the pictures?” Miki redirected towards the other girl.
“Don't worry about her. She was just bait,” Monoko replied.
“I am liking this less every second,” Emi said. On cue, two more girls stepped out. One of them was grotesquely over weight. The other was horribly deformed. She arms were disproportionately long, her fingers looked more like claws, her eyes were red, and her teeth looked like a row of sharp fangs.
“Three of you, three of us,” Miki said stepping forward. “I think we can take them,”
she said to Emi and Rin.
“Where?” Rin asked.
“Alright, you want to throw down, let's throw down you --” Miki started but was cut off.
“If you were going to call me a gaylord, just stop. I alright don't like you. No need to add to it,” Green said.
“What the fuck is a gaylord? I was going to call you a shit burger. Seriously? Gaylord? Is that even an insult? That sounds like something you';d be proud. Step back everyone. I'm the Lord of all Gays. I'm not even gay and I wouldn't mind that gig.” Miki droned on.
“I'll take the goblin-girl. Miki you get fatty. Rin … just … try to keep the other girl out of our way,” Emi instructed.
“Oh, I'm not here to fight either. Neither are they. They're just blocking the doors,” green hair said. As she said this, the pool behind her started bubbling.
“This would be the oh-shit moment, right?” Miki asks.
“This is your fault. You're the one that snuck in the alcohol,” Emi whined.
“Yeah, but I didn't know you were going to get drunk and puke on that guy's dog... and the not tell him what that smell was,” Miki replied.
What? That wasn't what you thought happened? Get your mind out of the gutter.
As Miki and Emi looked around nervously and Rin stood there watching the way the lights reflected off the water, a huge mass of fleshy tentacles shot out from the pool, grabbing at the girls and tearing away their clothes. You can get your mind back in the gutter now.
“Ta-da!” Hachisame the tentacled school girl said as she stretched her arms out. “It's my big scene!” Emi, Rin, and Miki weren't all that impressed at the moment, as their mind were more occupied with the fact that they were being being sexually assaulted by a multitude of tentacles.
“Eek! Naughty tentacles are ravishing my womanly virtues!” Emi shrieked.
“... the hell?” Miki said.
“Sorry. I don't remember ever doing one of these scenes before, I thought that was how you were supposed to talk during this stuff?” Emi apologized.
“We're not supposed to have these scenes in this fandom! That's the whole reason I decided to stick around here. It didn't have tentacle rape in it! … Now? … Now I think my ass is broken!”
Rin sighed as she hung upside down with tentacles sticking out of her unmentionables. “This is probably the fifth worst story I've ever been in.” She spasmed briefly before continuing. “I don't even think they ever bothered to go back and check for errors. The tenses are all messed up.”
“Now is not the time for you to make sense Rin,” Miki yelled.
“Okay, I'm tired of all you talking!” Hachisame said before plunging tentacles in their mouths. “Just a warning, if you bite, you're really going to regret it.”
“Let this be a lesson to you,” Monoko said to the three ravished girls. “Hog all the good stories, and you get lesbian tentacle raped. I think that's a moral. What the hell? We'll go with it anyway.”
“I'm not even a main character!” Miki thought, but didn't say it outloud. That's okay though. I wasn't there to hear it anyway so I didn't know it happened.
“And to think, so far this has been my most prolific role in the fandom's written works,” the smaller deformed girl said to her larger obese friend.
“Could be worse. Come on, I'll buy you a soda,” the larger girl said as they walked out.
“Could you bring me one? This is a lot more work than it looks like,” Hachisame replied.
While that was going on, which I may remind you I knew nothing about, the rest of us were approaching the student council room.
… You know, I really should have switched the omniscient narrator type by now. Can we do that? Can we just pretend the last part was done that way too? Alright? Cool. Let's continue.
Hisao lay on the student council’s floor. He wasn't moving.
Misha and Shizune stood there. They weren't moving either, but it their case it was because they were frozen in shock and fear.
Hanako was moving … and she had a knife.
“You did this!” she screamed. “You! This is all your fault!” she ranted as she approached them, knife held above her head. The fact that Shizune couldn't understand her only increased Shizune's panic.
Hanako approached them with nothing but irrational hatred in her eyes.
Then she got hit in the face with a pie.
It's very hard to maintain a proper level of homicidal rage and complete despair once you're face has been coated in lemon custard.
Misha face twitched as a small smirk found her way into her expression. Then Shizune was hit in the face with a pie.
That's when they noticed us. (Psst. I'm taking over narration again.) I stood there with a pie in my hand ready to throw, beside me stood Rosa, behind us was Time Warp Tan, Molly, Natsume, Hikage, Ryouko, Saki, Sayuri, Ikuno, art room girl, Thisby, Ritsu, and Marika Etou. Each one of us had a pie, with a pushcart full of pies behind us.
“Yeah. Thanks for ruining the ending. Really,” Hisao said as he sat up and dusted himself off. Then somebody hit him in the face with a pie. I'm not saying who.
“Nothing ruins a dramatic tragedy quicker than a pie fight!” Ryouko exclaimed.
“B-but... I... murder?” Hanako stuttered.
“Aren't you surprised to see me?” I asked Hisao.
“Not really. I'm kinda used to this place being weird now,” he said with a shrug. “It would take something really out there to get me these days like, I dunno, multiple amputees being lesbian tentacle raped in a pool or something.”
“That's stupid,” Saki cut in. “What kid of idiot would write something like that?”
Shizune took off her glasses and wiped the pie from then before grabbing Misha's shoulder to get her attention.
“What's going on?” Misha said.
“This was supposed to be my story! You people always get all the stories and we're sick of it! We never get anything!” I yelled. It probably lost a bit when Misha had to translate it.
“You don't have any stories? Look at you. You got everyone here together, giving them a shared purpose and quest, you did this. Nobody needed to give you anything. You've made your own story,” Misha translated for Shizune.
We all stopped. We looked at each other. It was true. We came together as one to do this. This was our story. The truth was humbling. None of us knew what to say.
Then Rosa hit Shizune in the face with a pie.
“Other Shizune said this story sucks,” Misha translated.
“It really does.”
“Yeah.”
“True.”
“Sounds about right”
“I didn't get enough scenes.”
“I don't even know what was going on!”
“I didn't think it was that bad, but this last chapter just sucks.”
and other such comments were said before the pies started flying again. I mostly tried to aim for Hanako and Hisao, but everyone seemed to have their own favorite targets.
“Quick, to the emergency supplies!” Misha called out and she pointed to a large locker.
Hisao and Hanako being closes dove for it, with Shizune and Misha following.
I managed to get Shizune right in the butt as she ran.
“Hold up,” I said. Gesturing for the others to stop their assault. The group had over turned a table and were hiding behind it so any of our shots would have been wasted anyway.
“Why do you have these?” I heard Hisao ask.
“It's in case we need to fight back!” Misha said loudly. This doesn't sound good. Taking advantage of the break, we rushed into the room and overturned a table of our own to use for cover.
“This happens often?” Hisao asked. “people running into the student council office and pegging you with pies?”
“Wahaha~ No. The student council would never stand for this type of assault on a regular basis,” Misha said obviously translating for Shizune. “Usually they use eggs and tomatoes, Hicchan!”
Shizune then stood up and revealed to us what her secret weapon really was. She did this by hitting me in the face with it. A water balloon. She apparently stockpiled water balloons. What kind of student council office keeps a stockpile of water balloons?
Then it was war. Pie and Balloons both flew through the air, covering almost every available space in water, whipped cream, or water pie filings we happened to have used.
As leader, I stood in front taking the brunt of the assault, and it wasn't just because there wasn't any more room to hide behind the table. Needless to say, I got drenched. Happily, with our nearly endless supply of pies, and overwhelming numbers, we gave much more than we got.
It was actually kind of fun. I suppose the scene would have been funnier if you could see it, but I can't really help that. I only hoped that Monoko was having as much fun teaching her targets a lesson. (Remember, I wasn't there.)
Eventually, the barrage of water balloons seemed to stop and somebody waved the white flap. Technically it was a white sheet of paper with a pencil as the flag pole, but the idea was there.
Once we stopped firing, the main cast team stood up. There were so covered in pie I had a hard time telling Shizune apart from Hanako. I did hit Misha with one last pie. I'll admit that. Nobody should have a haircut that looks like that.
“We surrender,” Misha translated. It took her a moment to get the message across. Their hand gestures sent pie flying with ever quick movement. “We now wish to discuss the terms of our surrender.”
Gee, I don't know what I'm supposed to do here.
“Stop taking all the good stories for yourselves!” Natsume yelled.
“How exactly are we supposed to do that?” Hisao asked.
“I-I don't want to- to be in ...” Hanako muttered softly.
“I don't know,” I said. “Maybe you could try to work more people into cameo. Short scenes where you interact with the rest of us. Something like that,” I say, although it's obvious that I'm not terribly confident in the idea.
“I'm going to be honest, I don't know who most of you are,” Hisao said.
“I have an idea. How often are you used in stories without ever getting a physical description?” Ryouko asked. There was some muttering but most people agreed that they weren't always described that well. “Here's one thing we can do. Let's say the story calls for Hanako. There's a very good chance that nobody would notice Hikage stepping into the role as long as they don't describe her too in depth. This would work especially well in small role or cameos.”
“H-Hello, I-I'm H-Hanako,” said the purple haired girl. It just so happened that this purple haired girl was Marika, but we don't have to tell people that part.
“I'm okay with that,” Hanako said. I noticed she wasn't looking away from people as much as she normally did, but that was probably just because her face was actually covered in white cream.
“Sounds dishonest,” Hisao said more to himself than anyone, but we all pretty much ignored him.
“Wahahaha~ It's a deal!” Misha said putting her arms on the shoulders of both Hikage and Natsume, much to their displeasure. “Now who's wants to help your student council clean their room back up?”
“I just remembered. I don't actually go to this school,” I say as I try to duck out of the room. Unfortunately, my gang stops me.
Traitors.
There was a scene between Rosa and Shizune, but I don't know sign language so I missed it. I'll have to fix that in editing.
…
Then they all went off to have hot lesbian sex.
“What!?! We did not! Knock that off! I'm supposed to be the one narrating, remember?” I yelled.
Okay, how about all the less popular and non-canon characters went off to have a kinky lesbian orgy?
“NO!”
Fine. Alright. Just Misha and the two Hakamichis?
I started to say something, but Ryouko put her arm on my shoulder. “Just let it go.”
[What are they talking about?] Shizune asked in sign.
[I don't know. I can't read all their lips.] Rosa signed back.
[Oh, it's actually quite amusing. Let's go to the bathroom and get cleaned up and I'll tell you all about it.] Misha signed to the both of them. [Lock the door behind you.]
Epilogue
I'm glad you sat here and listened to my poorly translated into another language ramblings of my great grandmother Iwanako, reader-san.
That was the tales of her days at the School Yamaku. Other things would happen afterward over the next eighty years or so. Eventually everybody got old and died. It was incredibly sad.
The End
“Epilogue” is a song by
… somebody.
Probably. … Oh let's just say David Bowie. It's not like you're going to go check.
Hanako and company will return in Hanako vs the World Crime Syndicate
“R-remember how I said you c-could have the next good story?”
“Oh, that... ummm.. I was just … uh... angry. Don't worry about that. You can still have your stories.”
“N-no. R-really. I insist. Please.”
“Are we done with the epilogues now? Can I go home?” Ryouko asked. “... hello? Anyone still there? Everyone left already didn't they? … figures. A Pie fight and tentacle rape in the same chapter? What were they thinking? … Well, I'm out.”
Other things would happen afterward over the next eighty years or so. Eventually everybody got old and died. It was incredibly sad.
I can live with that. But it's not -everybody-.
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end. Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga. "Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
Just felt like sharing a few things about this story. Let's look behind the scenes.
While it might look like I put no thought into anything here and that I included every idea I had, neither is true. I actually did quite a bit of editing on this (although this is the only time I've ever edited a story and ADDED mistakes.)
Despite Iwanako's complaining that Hanako stole her story, this started out as being a Hanako story. The original idea was that Hanako was stuck in a story and trying everything she could to get out of it an avoid taking part in anything the narrator was saying. That actually was where the "Hanako vs the World Crime Syndicate title came from. I never quite made that idea work, but it morphed into this.
At one point, I wanted Lilly's parents to show up and say "Hello, dear. We're here to ruin your life." I never found a place for that.
Another idea was having one of the cast show up to ruin Lilly's story but find her already engaging in some really weird sex scenes and decide that there wasn't realyy anything they could to to ruin THAT.
There's one joke I wanted to do, but proved too complicated. Originally I started by having every scene tell you what music you should listen to. At one point, it was going to insist that it didn't mean "THAT version of the music, but the remix." A few ines later, it would cut in saying "No, the OTHER remix." Later on (probably when Hisako appeared) the theme was going to be "The Humpty Dance by the Digital Underground." At which point one of Iwanako's friends would be too caught up in the song to pay attention to the story.
Hanako's "rapist punk criminal ex-boyfriend" was going to be brought up, only to have another character quickly say "Shut up. We don't talk about him!" Another idea was to have him actually SHOW UP only to be told to get out of the story. I never felt like I had the proper place for either.
Not a single character that appeared in this story was my creation. I may have altered them slightly, but they've all appeared somewhere else before. Sadly, guy that thinks he can learn Japanese in a few months and Hanako's long lost brother have appeared many time under many different names.
When I announced the story would be late for several months, I considered PMing somebody to have them come in and say "screw thins! That's too long! I'm continuing the story now!" and writing out a few paragraphs before I "come back" and take over the story again. That sounded a bit too complicated though and I was afraid people wouldn't actually get that it was a joke.
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end. Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga. "Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
While it might look like I put no thought into anything here and that I included every idea I had, neither is true. I actually did quite a bit of editing on this (although this is the only time I've ever edited a story and ADDED mistakes.)
I don't think there was really any danger of that - at least among the regulars of this forum. The amount of thought that went into each and every mistake was clearly recognizable.
How very postmodern of you. I didn't get all the references, because I don't read much of this stuff, but... I've read enough trashy fanfic in my day to recognize the shape of it all.
Mirage_GSM wrote:So while the story of this might be (intentionally) awful, and one could object to that - though I'd say there are lots of fics here the story of which is worse
Still a better love story than Twilight.
That's right, four chapters of rambling for a poorly executed and even more poorly described blowjob nobody actually wanted is a better love story than Twilight.
Please continue with your regularly scheduled mallard copulation.
youve leaved that on the fourms, and my fanfix is more gooder than that[/i!!!!!!!!1
