Katawa Haha

[Ozymil]

Damn goldilurks, commenting like an hero.

Nothing I can say that hasn't been said other than that Shizune's right arm looks a little, for lack of a better term, "gimped." All in all I squeed like the little girl I am inside, and I readily look forward to more from you, Good Sir Jay.

[Amadeous]

One thing I think I should note:

This is Shizune. After giving birth to a child. I think she'd have something more than a B-cup.

[El Jay]

OKAY THEN. So I went back and retouched that page, fixed up a few issues, repositioned some stuff, things of that nature. I'm happier with panel two now, and happier with Shizune's expression in the first panel. Now I only need to finish up the sketches of the rest of the pages, and get them done. I fear for my wrist, gentlemen.

Also, in response to boob size, we're talking a very loose fitting shirt/nightgown she's wearing, they're definately bigger than that. XD Anyhow, if you open the first draft of the linework and this one in seperate tabs, it should be easier to tell the differences. If there's ANY more thoughts you guys have on making this better, go right on ahead and bring it up, I aim to please with this. I'm doing this for a few reasons. Love of the game, an appreciation for the writing of these side-stories, practice on comic work, and for the sake of you guys.

And now I'm off to get a refill on my coffee before busting my ass over the rest of these pages. I'm certain there will be more to see and fix from any future pages I post, so keep them eyes peeled, guys. :V

[Ozymil]

I fear for my wrist, gentlemen.

Don't we all

Though small the changes may be, they make a big difference; it collectively looks much better, especially Shizune's awakening expression. Although, while I know that you intended to put Misha-hair on the teddy I can't help but see it as Rick James-hair instead. Perhaps make the drills a bit more... drilly?

Great work man, really do hope to see more of your work in the future.

[El Jay]

I fear for my wrist, gentlemen.

Don't we all

Though small the changes may be, they make a big difference; it collectively looks much better, especially Shizune's awakening expression. Although, while I know that you intended to put Misha-hair on the teddy I can't help but see it as Rick James-hair instead. Perhaps make the drills a bit more... drilly?

Great work man, really do hope to see more of your work in the future.

THAT'S what it reminded me of. XD; God damn. Yeah, I thought it wasn't completely right. Never was good at anime hair. Hell, this isn't even my typical drawing style, I usually go for a more realistic path, though it wouold fit Fist of the North Star more than anything.

That should be the last thing to need fixed though, and I have a few sketches to work off of for page two, so things are moving right along. Think I may just throw a link in my next post to a small collection of page sketches, see what would be the best route to go on for the panels and such.

Edit: Okay, I went back and touched up the drill hair. I had to use a brush that was about a pixel or smaller to add the detail necessary to make it look right, but it's decent enough to look more like drills than Jerry-curl uncolored.

[Amadeous]

Also, in response to boob size, we're talking a very loose fitting shirt/nightgown she's wearing, they're definately bigger than that.

That just means they'd sag, not magically shrink down a few cup sizes. I'm not saying they have to be SHUT UP YOU TITTY MONSTER but they'd still definitely be larger than what you've got now.

[El Jay]

Also, in response to boob size, we're talking a very loose fitting shirt/nightgown she's wearing, they're definately bigger than that.

That just means they'd sag, not magically shrink down a few cup sizes. I'm not saying they have to be SHUT UP YOU TITTY MONSTER but they'd still definitely be larger than what you've got now.

Alright, I can see what your getting at now. You're gonna have to forgive me here, I have never seen a breast in real life and looking up something to make them more realistic for after-birth would just postpone my work even further. Either way, I gave them an enhancement. Not "THEY'RE AS BIG AS MY DAMNED HEAD" big, but bigger. Not enough of a change to warrent yet another posting of the image, but a change regardless.

[Amadeous]

Yeah, I had trouble drawing anything larger than a C-cup for the longest time, but really just look up some decent breast tutorials (not from deviantART, you'll just be learning how to draw breasts from people that have never seen them) and it's not that hard to figure out how to add weight and size to them.

Essentially, I really like how these stories are written, and I don't want the final comics to end up looking like crap. SO DO YOUR BEST OR I WILL FIND YOU AND...DO SOMETHING THAT'S NOT VERY NICE.

[El Jay]

Alright, so, this is just something I may follow through for page two. There will be adjustments, like moving Shizune closer to the crib, changing the angle a bit, a few other small things which I'm sure will be told to me, (thanks ahead of time you guys. :3c) but apart from that, the MAIN reason for posting this rough job is to see what you guys think of the panel arrangement. I'm not 100% on them myself, but if you're happy with this set up, I'll roll with it.

If not, feel free to open MS paint or whatever and draw the panels where you'd prefer them. Once things are settled on that, then I'll go ahead and do a full-sized page, only this time, it WILL be better. (As in I'm going to use a different program entirely for the majority of the straight lines, and the page and panel borders. OpenCanvas just doesn't make that shit easy, especially OC 1.1 x_x I long for you, Sai!) So, any advice is, as always, very welcome. Dig into it too, I haven't done complex work in a good while, so I'm a bit rusty, all the critique I get helps. And not the DeviantArt variety of critique, no.

Also never listen to an Iron Maiden song on loop for two hours in a row. Singing 2 Minutes to Midnight at 2 in the morning is not cool.

AND I NEARLY FORGOT, I have a newfound hatred for breast pumps. fgsfds After this, never again. Unless I'm being paid.

[Ozymil]

Too late, must sleep. But first, comments!

Now, I'm not too knowledgeable on art and such and I can't give you a "critic's review," but looking at this strictly from a geek's viewpoint, I like the panel placement simply because it seems to follow the "Golden Proportion."

Jesus, I'm lame.

On another note, while this may still be in the sketch stages I just want to point out that Shizune's legs look a bit too short. Positioning the "legpits" and adjusting accordingly could help.

[El Jay]

Too late, must sleep. But first, comments!

Now, I'm not too knowledgeable on art and such and I can't give you a "critic's review," but looking at this strictly from a geek's viewpoint, I like the panel placement simply because it seems to follow the "Golden Proportion."

Jesus, I'm lame.

On another note, while this may still be in the sketch stages I just want to point out that Shizune's legs look a bit too short. Positioning the "legpits" and adjusting accordingly could help.

That's one of things I planned on fixing, but regardless, glad to know someone else thinks so too. I THOUGHT they looked a bit off, but I wasn't sure on the 'camera' viewpoint I was going for. They aren't staying like that though, hell no.

[Kite]

great job Goldilurks I like it

[Vysetron]

Does Shizune seem...really short to anyone else? Or was the image shrunk vertically? She seems to have rather stubby legs.
Other than that though, I'm liking it.

[El Jay]

Does Shizune seem...really short to anyone else? Or was the image shrunk vertically? She seems to have rather stubby legs.
Other than that though, I'm liking it.

Aaaah, it was a quick sketch on a scaled down copy of the page base I use for making these things, I wasn't going for perfect anatomy and all. No sense in that for something that's the equivilent of a napkin-doodle.

But apart from that, it seems the only issue is leg length, so I assume the panel's are fine and the layout of the room is suitable. Good news for me then, this is actually going to be a bit easier to draw compared to page 1, so it should be done in under 5 hours once I stop with youtube and get to drawing.

Update: Lost track of time and started later than normal. So far I almost have the page ready for linework, would've been closer if I hadn't insisted on oddly-positioned feet to go with. What can you do though. If I don't have much do to tomorrow, I'll be working on catching up then, so I'll have the page up earlier. Sorry dudes.

[El Jay]

Alright, I'm all sorts of pissed at myself now, I should've had this next page done already, but apparently I can't kick my own ass hard enough. sfdgsfdg

I'll have page two up about... Saturday afternoon in general, and with luck, I'll either have page three done and up the same day, or at least nearly finished. Sunday, there's a chance there won't be anything from me, family's dragging me off to go ride roller coasters. I could use the sun, but honestly, I'd like to get these things done for you guys.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to cuss my own brain out and go to sleep.