Can you tell me who I am?

[куртка]

WARNING: HYPHEMA AHEAD

First of all, I would like to introduce myself.

куртка is the name, or Kurtka.
It means jacket in russian
I´m from Chile, and I always wanted to write a fan-fiction with an OC, but didn´t try until now.

Well, the thing is, English is not my native language and,most likely, you have a lot of grammar and punctuation mistakes ahead.

I would really appreciate help on this matter, because lately I´ve had a lot of ideas for the plot of this history.

It maybe a little bit... cliché i guess? You may understand what I´m talking about when you read.

(Also,I know that the history doesn´t seem too KS related,but I will elaborate on that later on the next chapters,as well as a proper description of the character.)


Thanks!

-----------------------------------

Chapter 1

White Noise.

That's all I can hear.

"What time is it?"

Or, well, that's what I was expecting to hear,but nothing comes out.

"..."

No sound.

"..."

No voice.

I try to speak up a bit.

"... mmmf!!!"

I feel a sharp pain in my throat, so I put my hand on my neck. I touch what feels like a scar, it seems like it goes down the entire length of my neck.

I feel a door opening, and then I realize where I am right now. A hospital room, complete with a sterile smell, like antiseptics and walls of a pale green color.

"Mister..."

The nurse, seemingly puzzled by something, turns the TV off and clears her throat, as if she was preparing to give an important speech"

"Sir,this might be a somewhat odd question but... could you please tell me your name?"

What?

"..."

"I know you may be somewhat surprised to hear this question, and... it's... kind of my first day here and..."

What?

As soon a she ends with her excuse, I hear footsteps outside the room, but the nurse doesn't seem to notice.

"Well, you don´t have to speak to me if you don't want to, I mean, it is kind of late after all"

This person has to be one of the least reassuring nurses I remember.
But that seems to be the problem.

I can't remember.

Nothing.

I reach to my head, and I feel bandages around it.

Noticing a weak white light,I stand up from my bed and look outside. It´s snowing and there is a forest outside.

"H-hey! You shouldn't get up from bed,you seem to have a concussion!"

Just when she finishes the sentence, I hear someone enter the room.

"Nurse! What is the patient doing out of bed!"

"I-i'm sorry, chief"

"Please go back to the lower floor and do a quick inspection on the rooms"

"Y-y-yes chief!"

"Also, please stop calling me chief"

"Yes chi... I mean H-head Nurse!"

I keep staring at the forest, and the moonlight that reflects in the trees, that by now, are full of snow.

"Miss Hibiki, please go back to bed"

Miss?

As I return to bed, I give a confused glance at the nurse. Why did the nurse called me Mister?

"Sorry, it was a rookie mistake from the nurse, it´s her first day here"

Well enough of that,now to the main question.

Who am I?

Trying to communicate to the nurse will be a hard task but, unlike the previous nurse, she should be aware of my condition.

I make a gesture imitating pen and paper, hoping she would understand.

"Immediately, Miss Hibiki"

Hibiki, huh? Quite ironic.

After a minute or two she comes back and hands me a little notepad with a pen.

Deciding that I want answers now, I write the big question.

[Who am I?]

I hand her the notepad. She reads the question and gives me a surprised look.

"You don´t remember?"

I shake my head.

"Well, then that is a rather good question, Miss, we found an ID card in your clothing, but after further inspection we realized that it was fake, excluding the photo. We are currently using the name from the ID. We hope that doesn't bother you."

I shake my head again. Even though I don´t like the idea of using a name that may be fake, I don't really hate it, it's like a bad joke.

But I think it´s funny.

"We have the police informed about the situation, we just gave them the ID card so they can make at least a search in their data banks
using your photo. With enough luck,we should be able to contact your family in less than a week"

I take my time to think about her words. What made me lose my memory? I am guessing it's related to the bandages in my head.

I move the pen a bit.

"I am assuming you have more questions."

She gives back the notepad and I start writing.

[What happened to me and who brought me here?]

I give her the notepad.

"Well, you arrived with a severe concussion and a wound in the throat, you fell down from a building and ended up on a fence.
We have treated similar wounds before; you were lucky that,somehow,the tube didn't pierce through your neck."

Lucky? Well,not exactly, i'm afraid.

"As to who brought you here, well, we received an anonymous call around 3 AM, which just specified that there was an emergency, without adding any detail.When the ambulance was there, there was nobody in sight"

Did someone tried to kill me? That would explain the fake ID,though I don't understand why it would have the same photo, if the objective was to mislead the
police.

I get the notepad back and write the last question.

[Will I be able to recover my memory and my voice]

"Well, the brain is somewhat unpredictable, but it is possible. Your brain didn't seem to be damaged enough to have permanent issues."

I sigh,or at least try doing so.

"Your voice,in the other hand... Unfortunately,your throat was damaged severely,and we only managed to recover your breathing. I'm afraid that your
vocal cords were beyond repair"

I wasn't expecting that.

Then I realize about something.

Do I want to recover my memory now?

Do I want to remember who I was?

And...

Do I want to remember my own voice?.
-------------------------------------------------

[Alpacalypse]

Okay, well, it seems like you've got yourself an interesting idea, here. I'm interested, at least.

I'm not going to comment specifically on grammar, since I'm not that great at picking out the more subtle mistakes. Yours actually doesn't seem too bad, but there are a few points you need to know:

1. "I" is always capitalised in English, even in the middle of a sentence.
2. Have a space after commas.
3. You don't have to have every new sentence on a separate line.
4. I'm not sure what punctuation mark you're using to contract words, but I'm not sure that it's an apostrophe.

One specific mistake:

i put my hand in my neck

This phrase means that her hand goes inside her neck. I think the phrase you want is "I put my hand on my neck".

[Mirage_GSM]

Alpaca mentioned most of what I would have said already. The grammar is not too bad at all - I've seen worse from native speakers - so it should iron out with practice.

About the story - yes, amnesia is a bit cliché - especially if the OC forgets their own gender - but let's see what you make of it. I hope it's not going to be a spy-thriller, since that takes a... special kind of talent to pull off in a KS setting.

[куртка]

I hope it's not going to be a spy-thriller, since that takes a... special kind of talent to pull off in a KS setting.

For now,I can assure to you that it won´t be a spy thriller.

It would be interesting,anyway.

[куртка]

Okay, well, it seems like you've got yourself an interesting idea, here. I'm interested, at least.

Thanks man! I'm glad to hear that.

1. "I" is always capitalised in English, even in the middle of a sentence.
2. Have a space after commas.
3. You don't have to have every new sentence on a separate line.
4. I'm not sure what punctuation mark you're using to contract words, but I'm not sure that it's an apostrophe.

One specific mistake:

i put my hand in my neck

This phrase means that her hand goes inside her neck. I think the phrase you want is "I put my hand on my neck".

I think I fixed all of that, and in the process of doing so, I found out the key for the Apostrophe!
(I still have to improve in point 3.)

[куртка]

Chapter 2

I wake up again to the white noise.

The snow is still there. That makes me wonder, what day is it? I look for a calendar, but there doesn't seem to be one in the room.

I open the door to the bathroom.

I enter, and I remember that I have to take a shower. Before that, I stand in front of the mirror.

"..."

In the mirror stands a person with short light brown hair, where there used to be bandages, this person looks pale and weak.

A feature about this person draws my attention.

The eyes.

They are green, but very dark. They look tired, as if they would have been in sight of something horrible.

"..."

I hear sounds of steps coming from the hallway. Then I hear the door of the room open.

"Miss, it’s time to wake-"

Noticing that I am not in bed,she knocks on the door of the bathroom.

"Miss, are you inside?"

I open the door

"There you are, Miss, I understand that you are able to shower by yourself, I assume you don’t need any assistance?"

I shake my head.

"Then I will leave, breakfast should be here at 8"

The nurse leaves and I close the door. I shift my focus again to the mirror, then; I look at the scars on my neck.

It's been 4 days since I woke up here, there haven’t been any news about my family or my identity. The Head Nurse told me that,
If the police were to fail ian the search of my identity, I was going to become a ward of the state. Then, if everything goes smoothly, I would be attending school.

I am a little expectant about this; the fact that I still don’t know how to communicate properly worries me. I should talk about this with the Head Nurse.

The Head Nurse is a weird person. Even though she comes across as responsible and well mannered, she is extremely sincere and doesn't beat around the bush when describing what’s wrong with the patient.

Or so I've been told by the other nurses.

I look at the clock which is strangely placed on the wall behind the bed. Do they want their patients to lose the notion about time?

Then I realize I have wasted enough time with my thoughts and I start to shower.

I wonder what’s going to happen.

---------------------------
Breakfast.

Doesn't taste bad at all, but I wish they would give me less food; in the afternoon I just can’t eat any more.

"How's the food, Missy?"

I smile and nod, the food was good, but, I can't compare it to any other meal.

"Happy to hear... I mean..."

I laugh or, as always, try to.

"C´mon, I’m sorry. You don’t have to laugh at me, Missy"

I make a little bow at him, as thanks for the meal.

"No problem. I need to go now Missy, Catch ya later!"

The first time he brought food to my room he, like a big part of the staff, called me Mister. I, well, kind of get why though.
I've been told that my name isn’t common among girls and my short hair makes this even more confusing for the staff.
Since the second day of my stay here I’ve been keeping a notepad with a pencil with me, so I can explain myself.
Not that there’s much to tell.
---------------------------
It’s 2 pm.

I hope the Head Nurse arrives soon; yesterday she told me that today there should be news about me.

"Hello, Miss Hibiki"

Just in time.

I wave my hand.

"Well, let me get straight to point," The nurse straightens up. "The police wasn´t successful in the search for your family"

"..."

The nurse notices my nonchalant expression, but doesn't pay any mind to it.

This should feel really bad, but for some reason, it doesn't really bother me.

"Well, let me elaborate. It seems that you didn't have a family to begin with"

At least nobody will miss me.

"On the other hand though, I have news about your incident. Apparently, a witness contacted the police; he saw the incident happen, but remained silent until now"

I give her an expectant look.

"Miss Hibiki, it appears that you tried to commit suicide"
-----------------------------------------------------------

I have to rename the chapters later.

[Mirage_GSM]

Biggest problem so far seem to be prepositions:

Noticing that I am not in bed, she knocks on the door of the bathroom.

The Head Nurse told me that, if the police were to fail inonthe search of my identity.

I look at the clock which is strangely placed inon the wall behind the bed.

My name isn’t common onamong girls

InOn the other hand though


It's a bit strange that she would get all those infos through the nurse and not a policeman... The police are researching the case and noone even came to talk to her?

[куртка]

Biggest problem so far seem to be prepositions.

Thanks for the help! I think i fixed most of them.

It's a bit strange that she would get all those infos through the nurse and not a policeman... The police are researching the case and noone even came to talk to her?

Well,this may have a certain importance later on.

[AntonSlavik020]

So far its not bad. The whole amnesia thing is a bit cliche', but done right it can be very interesting. I'll definitely be following this.