Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[AaronIsCrunchy]

When you know you have something restricting you from doing it you just kind of... lose motivation from doing it. I can't bring myself to actively do cardio or it just brings up bad things and I feel terrible about myself. I know I should but I just can't.

I know how this feels, and it's with running as well. Do you own a bike? That's a good way of cardio which is gentler on the heart but is quite fun, at least that's how I find it. Also, whereas running is sort of intrinsically linked to exercise, a bike ride can be disguised (if that's the right word) as just a means of getting from A to B.

[YutoTheOrc]

Do you own a bike? That's a good way of cardio which is gentler on the heart but is quite fun, at least that's how I find it.

Good point! I just jumped to walking and jogging, biking would be good alternative as well. Or even hiking really..

[NekoDude]

I know how this feels, and it's with running as well. Do you own a bike? That's a good way of cardio which is gentler on the heart but is quite fun, at least that's how I find it. Also, whereas running is sort of intrinsically linked to exercise, a bike ride can be disguised (if that's the right word) as just a means of getting from A to B.

Also, swimming. Unlike activities that cover distances, you don't really have to plan out how much you want to swim (unless you're in open water, and that's probably not the way to start). When you're done, you're done. You don't have to worry about being ten miles from home and suddenly tightening up.

[Kaneusta]

I don't know how to quote multiple people :c

But yeah I do own a bike and I go swimming often. Like I said, I'm still fairly active- just nothing in the cardio area. I still enjoy it but it's just the fact of taking a part of something that was always there with you and now it's... incomplete. If that makes any sense.

Like, it's not the heart condition that stresses me the most. It does but, not the main reason. But the heart condition is what took away my stress reliever when I'm stressed about something else.

When my parents yell at me, or getting picked on back in high school, I would use a form of activity as my escape. Biking and Swimming is nice but it's... different. And when I'm stressed now, I'm reminded about the heart condition and remembered I can't just run away from my stress which just adds on to what I'm already stressed already

[Trogdor]

I don't know how to quote multiple people :c

Start by quoting one.

In the EXPAND VIEW area below the reply window, you will be able to see previous posts and scroll through them. Put the cursor where you want the quote, and hit QUOTE on the relevant post.

[SirScribbles]

Hello all

I've been a long time viewer but this is the first time posting for me. I meant to do this a while ago but talked myself out of it almost every time I went to do this. I've got a big story to tell that's been going on for almost 2 years now (2 years in august anyway). This is kind of like my Hisao story, I found myself in a rather similar situation not to long ago, except it wasn't my heart.

First a bit of a backdrop to this. In high school, specifically when I graduated) I was 215 pounds. I ended up loosing a bunch of weight, I started eating proper, running, swinging kettlebells (if you're looking for a good exercise that burns a lot of fat. I can't suggest kettlebell swings enough). Anyway I eventually got myself down to 160 pounds of mostly muscle. I was feeling great, had a new found self confidence, and was ready to experience life in a way I hadn't before. Then I went to florida with my family one august.

This is where the story begins.

As soon as I got back from the trip I could tell something was off. I was going to the washroom a lot more than I should of. I went to the doctor and he said it was probably just me getting adjusted from the trip. So I waited a little longer, that was when I started getting sick. Specifically dry heaving (basically my gag reflex was going off hardcore, to the point where I would have to get on the ground because I couldn't stand. It's like my body wanted to get rid of whatever was in my stomach, but couldn't find the means to push it up fully) I ended up having to cut my hours drastically at the the job I was working after a couple weeks of this with the episodes only getting worse, thankfully I was working for my dad so he understood. By that point the episodes were pretty bad, I would turn white as a ghost after eatting, I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and my hands and feet would go completely numb. The only thing I could do was go take a nap for a while until it would pass. I was going to the doctors but none of them knew what was happening, so they kept prescribing powerful antiacid pills and sending me out the door. Then one night, I was really hungry (I had hardly been eatting because of the symptoms it seemed to trigger) so I made myself a wrap with a chicken breast inside.
That was a huge mistake
I ended up in so much pain with my food moving through my system that I thought at one point I was going to die, collapsed on the stairs, crying from the pain. With my family so confused as to what to do panicking because they thought I might die right before their eyes. Eventually it worked its way through but I still went to the hospital that night. That was when I had to quit my job for good. After the hospital visit (which tested me for certain things but sent me home that night anyway) I went to a new doctor who actually took me serious unlike the other bastard before him. He set me up on some anti nausea pills that I couldn't fill out because I didn't have insurance and they cost $700... Soooo he set me up with some cheaper pills. Good I thought, maybe these will do something so I can get some food in me. At this point I'm pretty desperate and Im already starting to loose weight. After about 5 of these pills, an unexpected reaction happens. See these pills have a rare side effect of making you loose control of the muscles in your face. You can't control anything happening with your face muscles, and they stress to the point of almost breaking it seemed like. That was arguably more painful and scary than the first trip to the hospital because I remained like that for hours. People were staring at me in the waiting room because of my absurd faces. The doctor even asked why I was sticking my tongue out at him lol. It's kind of funny now actually and it would have been funnier in the moment if the face cramp wasn't so painful. One thing I was though was calm, which more than one nurse had pointed out during the whole thing "most people would be freaking out in your shoes". What they didn't know is that before I left home I was making Rocky jokes to calm down my family who were all freaked out again by this whole experiance. After that whole mess, I started smoking weed to deal with the symptoms of nausea and pain. It works quite well actually, and I definitely needed it.

By this point I began each day by waking up and immediately dry heaving over the side of my bed. The rest of the day basically went the same way. Eat or drink anything at all and get sick immediately after, getting so sick I had to lay down for an hour before I could do anything else. This went on for 4 months, same thing in and out everyday. More and more dry heaving. By December I was at the end of my rope. I thought for sure I was going to die and I fell into a huge pit of depression that I can't really say I've completely left yet even to this day. Thankfully I had found Katawa Shoujo when this whole mess started (my friend had told me about it before my trip thankfully) and is honestly probably a huge part in why I'm still here. Why I didn't just up and end my miserable existence in the heat of all of it. I know it was in December that I had reached the end of my rope, because the night before that I had finished Shizunes route and that save file says Dec 3rd.

Thankfully later in that month I would actually receive medicine that helped, from my naturalpath, Enzymes to help break down the food I was eatting. Which was good, becasue in the 4 month span as all this went down I went from 160 pounds to 120 pounds. Which I am still sitting at (its much easier for me to eat now, but I still really have to be careful) I then got in to see a gastroenterologist a full year after the whole mess started. Tells me its post viral gastroparesis and says nothing we can do for you and sends me on the way. I still haven't seen him again, I've been waiting since august.

Thankfully now though, I'm in a much better place. My body still can't do a lot of the things it used to be able too (idk if I'll ever fully recover, this might be a life long thing) and even though that on occasion causes some very dark thoughts to enter my mind (sometimes I just really don't feel like slogging through this existence and I've almost done something stupid a couple times) I have good friends now after I started working at a Teavana in the city. I love the staff to death and even though I don't really ask for support, they make my life easier. I found a new best friend through that job, she has done more for me than most anyone in my life. She is dating my friend, but she was the one that got me the job there in the first place (they weren't dating when she got me the job though). We became really good friends through there. I help her and she helps me. She's seen me have multiple episodes (they pop up still at times, and they aren't a fun time by any stretch of the imagination) and doesn't judge me on them. The episodes give me a lot of self esteem issues, but she is helping me to see that it really doesn't affect how people see me and that the first thing they think of when they think of me is me pale as a ghost, dry heaving in the corner. It's only as big of a deal to me because I have to live with it. That doesn't stop others from viewing me as me. With all my strengths and flaws.

Anyway that is my kind of my story. It's kind of hard to type the whole thing out. A lot of things got left out including how important Katawa Shoujo was during one of the most difficult parts of my life. From the bottom of my heart, I thank the 4 leaf staff. I know they've probably heard this before, but I really don't know if I would have made it through that period of my life without KS. So thank you. Now I'm working with a friend of mine to write music. It's been going on for a year now and we've finally hit that spot where we found our sound and are able to write some cool stuff so to all you people out there reading this right now. Don't ever give up, no matter how bad things may seem. Time will eventually give you a day in the sun.

[YutoTheOrc]

SirScribbles, I read your story and found very interesting(for lack of a better word). I can sympathize with certain parts, specifically the parts about the non-caring and rather inept doctors. Bit of an anecdote from me, but my father was sick for almost a decade and it only recently ended(In my last year of high-school). He was in a similar position as you,except he had trouble with his head and the chemicals and such involved. Basically, my dad went from doctor to doctor and none really cared except a select few. They finally found out that it was the medicine the doctor's were perscribing that caused it.

So I can feel your pain when it comes to lazy doctors. Its good to hear that you're in a better position than you were before! Hopefully with new medicine they can help you even more and return you to how you were before you went to Florida.

Thanks for sharing and talking to us! Its always nice to hear about people . I wish you the best of luck and look forward to you posting more! Welcome to the family!

[Hacksorus]

This may be a bit trivial compared to many of the other stories posted here, but it's KS related and I want to get it off my chest, since I don't know anyone IRL who's played KS.

I first played KS back in 2012, a few months after it came out. I spent pretty much the entire following week doing nothing but playing KS. It changed my life. I was in the early-mid teenage years and I feel it went a long way to making me a more mature and compassionate person. I wouldn't realize the extreme effect it would have on me until later, amd even today, almost 3 years later, I still think about KS on a regular basis.

So, a few months ago, I learned about a KS related Kickstarter that happened shortly after release. When I learned that backers received an art book (among other things), I was really upset that I had missed out on it. I like to collect stuff like that and the idea of having a physical copy of something related to something that changed my life so much was incredible to me. Sure enough though, I missed my chance. It was more or less impossible to obtain, or at least I couldn't find anything anywhere. I felt absolutely awful.

So, one day not too long ago, I find a blog post from 4LS in my Twitter feed, speaking of a physical release of KS, and I would later learn, more of the same artbooks.. only available in person, in Japan. Ah, but I wasn't about to give up yet.

About a year and a half earlier, I had one of our high school's Japanese exchange students in one of my classes. She had very little experience with the English language, and was clearly struggling. I decided to help her. Over the next year, she made a lot of progress with her English, and we became fairly good friends. In January, her term was up, and she returned to Japan. When I heard of Comitia 112, I realized that, by a crazy coincidence, this friend of mine actually lives very close to the venue. I asked her for this huge favor, and she was more than happy to do it. She saw it as repaying me for how much I helped her here in Canada. She just had to see if she had the day off school. I was waiting on the edge of my seat. I soon heard back from her, and she said that she was, in fact, free that day.. but she can't get in to the event. She checked the website (I tried to, but even despite Chrome attempting to translate it, I couldn't find anything like that), but it turns out that registration to get into Comitia 112 was closed at the end of February.. about a month before the blog post was made. So I was pretty much screwed in the first place.

I was so close. It seemed perfect. All of the circumstances lined up perfectly.. almost.

To anyone who took the time to read this, thank you.

[YutoTheOrc]

Hacksorus,

That really does suck that you couldn't get a copy. Maybe check around the web to see if anyone plans on selling one? I don't think its trivial honestly, that would be that you stubbed your toe . Its important to you so therefore its of concern, at least, that's how I see it. I hear you're from Canada, hello my countrymen! I think.

Just keep an eye out and hopefully you can find one! I enjoyed reading about how you helped an exchange student, its good to hear that katawa shoujo has changed your life as well! That's always a good thing...as long as its for the better I pressume.

Take care and good luck finding your art book!

[Hacksorus]

I do plan to check around the web to see if I can buy one, but I won't get my hopes up too much. And yeah, when I said it changed my life, I definitely meant for the better haha

Anyway, thanks for the response. I'll try not to let this get to me too much

[RandomHuman]

I think I've told the story of me having zero freinds until high school life so I think I'm gonna start from there,

I was thirteen or fourteen and had been playing rugby for my local team for about a year, and my coach thought I was improving a lot and he offered me some after practice routines to work on my kicking and fitness (since it was just me and him legally he wasn't allowed to do anything else and spoilersthis isn't a child abuse story).

After a few months of usual rugby training and the extra my coach was giving me I was getting pretty good, and I was feeling better, everything in my life was clicking into place, I'd started secondary school, started making a few freinds and even my rugby was improving. I felt like as long as I had rugby to clear my head and socialise I'd be ok. my coach must have seen my improvement because when the county trials came he picked me over the kids that had been doing it for years so of course I was over the moon. My brothers and parents overreacted and made me feel part of the family, like it wasn't an outcast anymore, even when I didn't make it in they where still there, and I really think it brought me closer to them. Like I wasn't inept as they thought I was.. But mabye I'm being stupid.

Anyway back to the story, so yeh I didn't get in, but I didn't care. I felt like I'd already overachieved by getting that far, so I kept training and working hard and kept trying to improve, and over the course of another year I did. I worked my balls off every week and my game was improving massively. I was rearing to go every game I played and more often than not played well ( or it could just be me hyping myself but what ever), I met a girl who later actually was my first girlfriend, and honestly. My life was good.

So I was pretty pissed off when my coach put another kid forward for county trials instead of me, but he just told me someone wants to meet me, then took me I to a room with two blokes in suits. I was shitting myself and suddenly my mum and dad came in, just as confused as I was. Then the men spoke, they where youth coaches at lecstier tigers, and wanted me to come training with the youth team for a few weeks with the chance of a year involment if it goes well, eventually leading onto a place in the leicster tiger academy and if I worked hard enough, pros. I accepted and after a few weeks they asked me to continue for a year, my mum and dad didn't have a lot of money but they threw a party and the whole do dar for me, It was embarrassing with all my family there but I still loved it. And I loved laying in the leicster youth team.

That's when things started going tits up. It was all going well and I was holding my own against the other kids, and I was doing well. But then I started falling, I stopped working hard because I thought I didn't need it and basically abandoned any freinds I had, I fell in with the wrong crowd and started doing stuff I really shouldn't at that age. It was so bad that every other night I was either out drinking or smoking weed, and then my girlfriend left me.

That pissed me off, I didn't do anything for weeks. No training, no school no anything. Eventually I got up and started life again but I wasn't who I was, it took the shortest thing to set me off and it was the anger that fucked my life up.

During school a kid in our year was throwing his weight around, thinking he was big because he had a few freinds and that pissed me off, any other day I would've just ignored him like everyone else did but like I said, the littlest thing set me off and I leaped at him. I started hitting him and he was pretty messed up by the time his freinds pulled me off. Two of them held me down while the others kicked the shit out of me, literally. By the time my brother and his mates got the guys I had already had broken ribs, a punctured lung, broken arm, broken nose and they beat my legs so bad I couldn't walk. My brother carried me to the reception and they phoned a hospital. I was in and out of hospital for a month, and they told me tht my rugby career was over before it even started.

I have never cried more than when I heard that I couldn't play rugby, that was my plan. That was all my life was, and I just cried and cried and cried. I had no back up plan and was royally fucked, I still had a year of school left but wasn't exceptional in anything, it turned out I'd get pretty average scores, and my old freinds forgave me eventually and my best freind even said he'd give me a job if I got into college. I started it again with my girlfriend and we are still dating to this day, and in a few weeks I'll be moving in with her... In our own place.

But I didn't know that then. I thought my life was over. And I have never been as low as that moment.

Hey guys, that above quote was from my old profile, and since I wrote it things got worse, my girl left me and I had to move to an even smaller place.

that was until I got a job offer at a local rugby team wanting me to be a coach, the owner of the club was thesame guy I worked for and i have got to say how good my life is now, I do something I love and thought id never be able to do again (even if im not playing) and Im earning a decent wage and making great new freinds all the time. I mean it might not be like a million pound a week or anything like that but its enough for me to be happy, I actually have a life. So if you ever feel like the world is against you dont block everyone out, however much you want to... because as soon as I let someone help me, things got better (Well the girl I let in kinda threw it back in my face but 2/3 isnt that bad)

[Gravy]

Hey guys, that above quote was from my old profile, and since I wrote it things got worse, my girl left me and I had to move to an even smaller place.

It's always inspirational to me seeing people talk about their life and the such experiences they go through. And this is no different. I'm happy things are starting to atleast brighten even in the littlest. Good on you mate!

[Wanderingheartache]

It seems like I check in here every year just about... and every time I come here I feel like I say "I wish I could have been here on better terms", well this time's no different and I am gonna have to quote myself to show the changes that have come about since the last time I was here.

Hello everyone, you all probably have not seen me in about a year or so... I've been having computer troubles and naturally posting or even commenting on stories in this thread is quite a chore on a smartphone.

First off, something minor... I've got a computer now. Kind of an ancient desktop, but still runs and it's better than nothing... I think it runs Windows 7 and shockingly doesn't have much issues with some newer stuff.

Things haven't really improved for me... but I'm not here to whine about that, I won't bring up my ex Kyra any more even though she and I still remain pretty close friends but I will still bring up things that bother me currently (and yeah, this still involves certain people who just can't keep their relationship together without hating on me... Hungary and Pythagoras, so be prepared to hear more about them) and what I am afraid of seeing in my future. I'll try to keep it brief and only come back to the past if it is truly affecting my present...

Elephant in the room now, I am going to talk about Kyra... something went bad and I'll leave that for the end of the update. Same with the issue regarding the lovers Pythagoras and Hungary, as well as their continued vendetta against me...

First though, the good news actually... however it comes in bite-size because despite being progress it isn't exactly significant in my eyes:

1.) My father and I are getting along better, he's even offered to drive me to places to turn in my applications and/or to appear for interviews if I get them...

My father and I are at each other's throats again, he's been living with the fear of being laid off again and he's been taking it out on me because I've failed to find employment... he has been trying to push me toward being the manager for a burger place my brother works at currently. He refuses to acknowledge my ambitions to go into programming and says my dream of making video games is "wasted potential"... he doesn't even seem to acknowledge that even if I fail at my dream at least I'd have the same training he did to take over his job should I want to go into his field of employment.

2.) I've sent in my application for college classes just in case I do not get any replies for job inquiries

Have not heard back from the schools I applied to... sent more applications in the interim, have doubts that a 25 year old man like myself will get accepted with how mediocre my high school grades were.

3.) I've become the team leader of the team I joined for cardfight vanguard at a hobby store I live near

I am no longer the leader of a team... I mean I have a team, but no one wants to join it unless it's a last resort. I pretty much play alone in the singles tournaments held every other week now.

4.) I've become a semi-permanent volunteer staff member for some local conventions

I will be losing this position soon, I've been replaced by an app so the info desk department is no longer independent and has been dissolved into the marketing department... since I'm no longer a part of the staff, I am no longer allowed to assist with promotional work.

5.) I've gotten back into writing and I have started writing stories for some people who want to make fan comics

I have been uncredited and pretty much blacklisted from the groups I used to write for... I received payment once during a convention but ties were long severed since then, I was paid half of what was agreed upon and the other half was coupons for restaurants that no longer exist in my area.

and finally 6.) I finally found a group in the city where I live that likes to discuss tokusatsu shows and build gundam model kits.

The group has long disbanded, too many people argued about universal century vs cosmic era and it was decided that the best course of action was to disband the group and go our separate ways... no new group has come to replace it.

Ah, but enough of that... let's move on shall we? I'm going to sleep now, I'll update you all after this weekend is over... it's South by Southwest (SXSW) and I'm supposed to be working street team for a convention. Normally I don't work promotions, but I was called up to supplement the short staff... plus I've always wanted to experience something my city is famous for other than the Sixth Street Pub Crawl

I attended the pub crawl this year but not south by southwest... I was not asked to do promotions this year and I took that as a sign (correctly too I may add) that I was no longer affiliated with the convention I was supposed to promote.



And now, the real reason why I'm here...


It had been about a year since I'd last heard from Kyra, I thought nothing of it because she was working and studying in Chicago. She'd turned up recently talking to a mutual friend of ours (actually, someone she'd known longer than I had...) and when I inquired how she was doing... she blocked me. I do not recall ever doing anything bad or hurtful to her, but for some reason she wants to cut me out of her life? I'm really at a loss for words right now... I mean I would have been fine with a simple "piss off, we aren't friends anymore" but I didn't even get that.




Regarding the lovers though, last I'd heard... Pythagoras finally left Hungary. I think her problems became too much for him and he left her at the altar... That might be the only positive in my life, though honestly I'm not really proud of that either. I mean it's a catch 22, I was right that Pythagoras was an asshole but at the same time I really shouldn't be happy that I was correct with my assessment... I was really hoping he would have proven me wrong and though it would have still been a negative in my life I would have preferred that he stayed with that psycho and tried to work things out to at least make her a better person (or at least less insufferable).



I'm pretty much back where I started before I played KS... alone, lost, somewhat hopeless, just a wandering heart ache. Only this time, playing KS brings me no joy... I feel nothing as if I'd finally died emotionally. I might seek therapy if things don't improve in a month, right now I'm just treating my random deadness as just me taking in what has happened in the past week.


My grandma died, my dad might get laid off, I've pretty much lost a friend I was hoping I could count on, I'm still single, I'm jobless...


I'm hoping that if not tomorrow, sometime before my month long deadline that I'll wake up from this nightmare...

[Steinherz]

So, I don't really know how to put this, but I guess I'll start from the top.

So in the past 5 months I've had a few major events happen. Earlier in the year I confessed to my crush (she said yes, but not at the present time because of college and issues with her previous relationships over them thinking she was ignoring them), she recently reminded me that she remembers and still is fine with it (yay). Also, funny thing about her: She's mute since birth

Two months ago a friend helped me realize I was bisexual (though I should have realized that with 4 years of liking traps and futanari ) and it also didn't help that he was the other person I was attracted to. Though due to discussing it with him I was able to explain to him that, though he was fine with me liking him, he didn't feel the same way.

AND NOW on Thursday, my older half-sister who I haven't spoken to/heard from/seen in fourteen fucking years (I'm 20 so that gives you an idea) randomly messaged me on Facebook.

An eventful 5 months I guess?

I would post more about my history of problems, but I have an issue with being unable to properly put thoughts (except when writing fiction oddly enough) into words.

[ArmedLiberal]

Something of an update on things since I last posted:

I finished another semester in school; I had a 2.5/4.0 or so GPA. I barely missed a B in A&P--by less than 0.75%.

My daughter-in-law gave birth to a healthy baby girl... who is already a heartbreaker. She has reminded me that this is a part of the human experience I will never have, because I was never born with the capability. I don't hold it against her, though; this is my own personal cross to bear. I've already had 3 EMDR sessions with my therapist on this.

I got through almost 6 weeks (of 9) of Emi's Couch-to-5k program on Sunday... and I rolled my ankle. I had a meds check with my psychiatrist the next day, and she suggested I have it checked out.

I had an appointment the next morning (Tuesday), and the doc took a 2-axis x-ray series to be safe. It was a good thing he did, because it revealed a lateral malleolus fracture. The lateral malleolus is a finger-like extension on the end of the fibula, the smaller of the two lower leg bones; it connects the leg and the ankle on the outside face. (I learned something in A&P!)

So, I'm laid up for a month at minimum, which means I'll probably lose a couple of weeks of progress in the program. At least I can use a boot instead of needing a cast to immobilize it.

Anyway, that's the news from Central-Northeast Wisconsin.