It's an interesting kind of scene, although it's been done to death in principle. I always enjoy seeing characters like Taro and Misaki and other wanderers on otherwise not-so-well-trodden paths. However, I think you need a Mirage-type editor. Too many little editing problems. Also, if these are problematic and your scenes are good but not as good as you'd like, you might want to get a really cruel editor to help.
(Is Taro here just to give you the pleasure of torturing Misaki in this scene?)
Otherwise, I'm glad to keep reading updates. Hopefully you have a kind of master document behind everything and you're not just winging it...
Cowlick and Claws!
Re: Cowlick and Claws!
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
Re: Cowlick and Claws!
See I like the scene, it was awkward but sweet. Good job on making a nice read.
However, I have to question it's existence, it somewhat feels like you wrote the scnene just to tell us they're banging. And that's something we picked up from before. Don't take that wrong, I really enjoyed it, it's just I fee like there was little development in anything here. Perhaps the best way to describe it would be a lack of direction maybe? Of course that's opinion and I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
However, I have to question it's existence, it somewhat feels like you wrote the scnene just to tell us they're banging. And that's something we picked up from before. Don't take that wrong, I really enjoyed it, it's just I fee like there was little development in anything here. Perhaps the best way to describe it would be a lack of direction maybe? Of course that's opinion and I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
My Molly Route
Ekephrasis and Other Stories
Ekephrasis and Other Stories
- CraftyAtomI hate when people ruin perfectly good literature with literary terminology.
- Mirage_GSM
- Posts: 6153
- Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
- Location: Germany
Re: Cowlick and Claws!
So I'm "really cruel"?brythain wrote:However, I think you need a Mirage-type editor. …, you might want to get a really cruel editor to help.
I try not to be, but since that was probably meant to be a compliment… Uhh… Thanks? I guess?
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
Sore wa himitsu desu.griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Re: Cowlick and Claws!
No, azumeow's text needs an editor like you (based on what I've seen). If you were really cruel, it would be a bonus.Mirage_GSM wrote:So I'm "really cruel"?brythain wrote:However, I think you need a Mirage-type editor. …, you might want to get a really cruel editor to help.
I try not to be, but since that was probably meant to be a compliment… Uhh… Thanks? I guess?
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
Re: Cowlick and Claws!
Although he's not above beating somebody, taking pictures of it, and blackmailing them with it, I see.Only the condition. Stiles had it REAL bad, though, his legs were so malformed that he couldn't walk properly. Also, Isamu's not an angry, murderous lobster. He's nice enough.....usually.
I'm kinda hoping that eventually comes back to bite the guy in the ass.
Not Dead Yet