Sisterhood: True Edition (Hanako Epilogue) (Completed)

[Bad Apple]

I was a lurker when this was first published, so I'll just voice my thoughts this time around.

First of all, the "Fanfic BGM" program is a pretty cool idea. Multimedia in fanworks is always fun. More authors should make use of it, in my opinion. I already listen to the soundtrack while reading KS fanfiction anyhow.

This is a good read. It captures the voice of the VN well, which is almost mandatory for a fanfic, if understated at times. The original chapters are still solid and wrap things up succinctly. (No comment yet on the rest as, at Chapter 30, I probably haven't gotten to the "good" part yet. Read: feels and stuff.) It seems obvious-in-hindsight for Lilly's mother to be characterized as half-Lilly half-Akira; an interesting, if slightly overdone approach. I'm almost surprised to see Lilly's father not reprising his role as The Villain of the fanfics so far. I might be pleasantly surprised if this remains unchanged when I finish.

This is widely considered one of the best KS fanfics, and that sure isn't something I wish to dispute. Still, a few things.

I'm not a fan of the total eradication of bookisms. While the narrative (or the dialogue) does its best to let us know who is speaking at what time, confusion is still inevitable at some points. It seems a "plausible deniability" ploy to maintain the VN format without resorting to a blatant screenplay format, but I don't see the point of a borderline version of a format that's already been frowned upon by the community for a long while (which, I imagine, could be why each dialogue line isn't preceded by "[Name]:").

As this fic progresses, I'm becoming increasingly detached from Hanako's character. She was my favorite girl for a while, but now her dependency bothers me somewhat. (For the sake of this point, I'm rolling Sisterhood Hanako and canon Hanako into one, which I suppose is a compliment.) Whenever I read this sort of back-and-forth -- "So, what do you wanna do?" "W-what do you want to do?" "Well, since your brain is apparently incapable of formulating a vocalized opinion, how about we do this thing?" "Okay." -- I cringe. I possibly forgot about this whole aspect of her personality because I became used to the more proactive, bashful-but-not-coy Hanako that populates other fics. This opinion is, also possibly, influenced by firsthand experiences, which have a way of jading idealized romance, in the years since KS's release. If character development happens, which I believe it will, I'm looking forward to it. If not, the rest of the cast can keep me company.

Now to point out something a little more obvious, and if it has been addressed, I'm unaware since I won't be reading the comments yet to avoid unmarked spoilers. So, I don't remember how the original edition fared, but this one has a lot of typos. And I mean a lot of typos. Not billions and billions, but certainly quite a bit to catch my perfectionist spidey-sense. I'm not halfway finished yet, but I've already lost count. Like, by the time I had concluded the original 17 chapters, I had spotted more than I could remember. I wish I could be more helpful and go back and point them all out for you, but it would be like full-fledged line editing (that is, consume a large chunk of free time) if I ventured into those waters. (I'm guessing some of those recent edits are ameliorating that.)

My presumption, then, is that on wishing to work on this project with full secrecy, it only had one set of eyes revising it this whole time. As far as proofreading goes, this never works, unfortunately; at least a (competent) second set of eyes has an almost miraculous effect on any given lengthy manuscript. Needless to say, a line editor would do wonders for this already fantastic fic.

[Solistor]

**I'm typing this from a phone, which is already difficult enough without worrying about formatting and meticulous editing. I beg pardon for the lack of spoiler tags and apologize for any spelling mistakes.

I was quite pleasantly surprised to see this show up after a long break from the KS forums, as Sisterhood has lodged itself in my headcannon which hasn't been fired for quite some time. I'm not going to offer any in-depth criticisms, because I don't pay attention to mistakes that aren't glaringly obvious when I read, but I feel like sharing my opinions and impressions, like many others.

Firstly, while in hindsight it was to be expected, I had a small "yay" moment when Miss Yumi made her return. I quite liked her characterization in both the original and true editions, so seeing that she was still in action made me happy.

I'm a bit of a sucker for sappy, slice-of-lifey stuff, and while a lot of this story felt like that, it was walking the path hand in hand with my other good friends Plot and Characterization. You gave the story a point, but without doing it too heavy-handedly. I particularly liked the Broken Quills stuff because it gave us a closer look into Hanako's friendship dynamic with Naomi and Jun. Along a similar thread of thought, I was mildly surprised at your characterization of Hiro and Karla. I finished thanatos' Akira route a few months ago, so I was kind of expecting another "strict, unlikeable bad-guy" dad character. It was really touching how Hiro cared for Hanako, even disregarding the blood debt he felt he owed her. I feel like even though he may be formal to a fault, he would be a good father figure for Hanako. The heart attack didn't feel contrived to me, but maybe I was more preoccupied with how cleverly I felt it was misdirected.

I'm actually okay with the abundance of h-scenes. While I did roll my eyes at the introduction of a new sex scene after a while, many of them made sense within the story after a minute or two of thought. The ones that didn't were either short or at least dealt with quickly.

As something of a "quiet fanboy", I feel this was a satisfying addition to the story. As an aspiring fic writer myself, I appreciate the time, effort, and research that went into this. Finally, as a lover of literature, I greatly enjoyed the story and how it was told. While it might have been better structured into multiple acts rather than one huge whole, I'm still thankful for the experience. If the original edition lodged itself into my headcannon, then the true edition cemented itself in to never be fired and replaced.

[Guest Poster]

Bad apple:

Now to point out something a little more obvious, and if it has been addressed, I'm unaware since I won't be reading the comments yet to avoid unmarked spoilers. So, I don't remember how the original edition fared, but this one has a lot of typos. And I mean a lot of typos. Not billions and billions, but certainly quite a bit to catch my perfectionist spidey-sense. I'm not halfway finished yet, but I've already lost count. Like, by the time I had concluded the original 17 chapters, I had spotted more than I could remember. I wish I could be more helpful and go back and point them all out for you, but it would be like full-fledged line editing (that is, consume a large chunk of free time) if I ventured into those waters. (I'm guessing some of those recent edits are ameliorating that.)

My presumption, then, is that on wishing to work on this project with full secrecy, it only had one set of eyes revising it this whole time. As far as proofreading goes, this never works, unfortunately; at least a (competent) second set of eyes has an almost miraculous effect on any given lengthy manuscript. Needless to say, a line editor would do wonders for this already fantastic fic.

You're probably right in that I didn't let anyone read the story until it was completely finished, but I did have someone who's usually very particular about spelling/grammar have a look at it, so I'm sincerely curious about the various typos you ran into that we both ended up missing. I'm not saying they don't exist, I'm just saying I'm surprised you ran into a large number of them.

It seems obvious-in-hindsight for Lilly's mother to be characterized as half-Lilly half-Akira; an interesting, if slightly overdone approach.

It's true that Karla Satou has elements of both Lilly and Akira, but half Lilly, half Akira is not an accurate description of her. As for Lilly's dad, why should he be villainous towards Hanako and Hisao? They helped his family out by helping his daughter take the trip from Japan to Scotland. Also, they're fellow Japanese, which he (as a native Japanese living in a foreign country) can appreciate.

Whenever I read this sort of back-and-forth -- "So, what do you wanna do?" "W-what do you want to do?" "Well, since your brain is apparently incapable of formulating a vocalized opinion, how about we do this thing?" "Okay." -- I cringe. I possibly forgot about this whole aspect of her personality because I became used to the more proactive, bashful-but-not-coy Hanako that populates other fics. This opinion is, also possibly, influenced by firsthand experiences, which have a way of jading idealized romance, in the years since KS's release. If character development happens, which I believe it will, I'm looking forward to it. If not, the rest of the cast can keep me company.

Hanako kind of goes back and forth between being passive (whenever she's either nervous or emotionally in a bad place) and more forward. (whenever she's at ease and with people she likes) Independence isn't what this fic is about though. It's more about interdependence.

Spoilers beneath:

About the pacing: I actually considered splitting the story into several arcs and posting those separately, but then I realized that for everyone but the people who were there in the month it got posted, the end result would still be the same. Unless I'd actually leave a month or more between arcs, which I didn't want to do.

About the Broken Quills: it feels good to see people enjoy Naomi and Jun's interaction with Hanako. I wanted Hanako to start forming a small circle of friends she didn't get through her interactions with Hisao and Lilly and Naomi was kind of a logical choice since she was mentioned by name in the VN as being on friendly terms with Hanako. I was curious about how people would react to the decision to split up the Naomi-Natsume duo and only let Naomi and an OC from the newspaper club become part of the Quills, since in most stories, Naomi and Natsume are as inseparable as Shizune and Misha. It was a necessary decision because if the Quills had been Hanako, Naomi and Natsume, it'd be inevitable that Hanako'd quickly start feeling like a third wheel since the latter two were already best friends and I wanted the dynamics among the Quills to be more equal.

About Mister Satou: I think his image in fanon was largely because of Jigoro. I can get why people would be quick to figure Mister Satou as a Jigoro-clone. Personally, I felt that Jigoro was somewhat of an (extremely) exaggerated Shizune, so I figured it'd be fun to turn Mister Satou into an exaggerated Lilly. (both because it was a new perspective and because I wanted her parents to act somewhat as funhouse mirrors to Lilly, lampshading her own flaws and ways of doing things) It was pretty fun writing the various parallels between Hiroyuki and his daughter. In the end, it's because of this similarity that I believe that Hiro and Hanako will in time cross the emotional gap between them completely...as much as that's possible with Hiro's emotionally stunted nature.

A little tidbit about Mister Satou: since (unlike his wife) there were no pictures of him on the Shimmie, I asked the Chibi artist who did the credits images to base his appearance slightly on a person visible on this site. See if you can spot him.

[Mirage_GSM]

You're probably right in that I didn't let anyone read the story until it was completely finished, but I did have someone who's usually very particular about spelling/grammar have a look at it, so I'm sincerely curious about the various typos you ran into that we both ended up missing. I'm not saying they don't exist, I'm just saying I'm surprised you ran into a large number of them.

I'm quite certain I missed a few typos. I only went over the story once (If I went over it multiple times it probably wouldn't have been published yet.) and With the first passover I always focus on grammar and plot consistency - not that the former was much of a poblem in this case.
I do hope I didn't miss too many typos, though...

[Envaris]

Good god. This was an amazing story and the biggest emotional rollercoaster I've ever experienced in fiction. I spent the course of three days reading this story day to night. Now a week later I still come to it to read memorable sections or just to read while listening to the soundtrack (a riveting idea that should be standard when reading any KS ff now.).

After reading through some of the lower points of your story while listening to the bgm now whenever I listen to those songs I can't help but tear up.

[All < Hanako]

Dear Author,

On a rather gloomy night feeling more lonely than I usually am I was contemplating whether or not I should reread Katawa Shoujo or seek out fan fiction from a writer with similar writing style or prowess (Please excuse me for being an amateur within the realms of literature. I do not read often). I was hesitant between the two options because after reading Katawa Shoujo I was left with a void in my heart and, I was not sure if I could find a fan fiction that was good enough to fill that void. Of course, I decided to go with the latter - or I wouldn't be here making this reply - and after only some brief research, I found that "Sisterhood: True Edition' was one of the most renowned and recommended (I was of course also searching for a fan fiction based off Hanako's path). Despite the praise and popularity around your fan fiction,without an interface or pictures or even without music due to my negligence to read all of your instructions, I was unsure if I would be able to enjoy it the same way I did Katawa Shoujo. However, to my most pleasant surprise it captured me the moment I started reading and I began reading for nights on end - about a week of almost non-stop reading - until I finished it as of Monday, October 20th 2014. This has been one of the most moving stories I have ever read in my life. I cannot express to you enough thanks for taking your time to write it out and to offer it for all of Katawa Shoujo's fans and audiences to read. Whether or not you decide to read this and, in an effort to vent some of my own emotions and thoughts I want to give you my feedback.

First of all I wanted to commend you for your writing style. Although at times I thought dialogue or thoughts between characters seemed a little uncharacteristic of themselves, I thought you did an overall excellent job of staying true to their personalities. Never did I feel completely alienated from the Katawa Shoujo style or from lack of attention to each character's traits. Whether it be Lilly's pride or Hanako's apprehension most of the time you were spot on.

Which brings me to my next point. I thought that shifting first person perspective from character to character was an absolutely amazing touch and I don't think that your story could have been conveyed any better way - or at all for that matter considering how deep the reader is taken into each character's thoughts and personality. At first I had to admit that I was a bit hesitant at first especially when you described sexual content from Hanako's point of view (I'm a guy) but, everything worked out perfectly including the latter.

Of course writing style or reading perspective would not have mattered at all if you didn't have great ideas to begin with which you definitely did. As most of your fans probably mention and as you briefly mentioned in your introductory post, the original Katawa Shoujo Hanako route did not provide enough closure. It was almost like a sneak-peak to an amazing start of a story.. but that was it. Your plot brought out the preview and completely embellished everything about it - including bonuses ! Coming in to this fan fiction I only expected it to be from Hisao's point of view and, I only expected to learn more about Hanako but instead, you also considered the strengths, weaknesses, thoughts and background of every other character as well bringing forth a mixture of their conflicts and resolutions as well that reside WITHIN the overall Hanako arc of her overcoming her post-traumatic stress and anxieties. Everything mingles perfectly together and as a result there is a stronger sense of family and unity within the plot - similar to much of the plot itself ! Each one of them experiences their own hardships but together they make it through. It's really just so beautiful..

Which is why at the end I couldn't help but cry uncontrollably. So many endeavors that Hanako, Hisao, Lilly and everyone else goes through to be resolved at the end with joyous celebration creating an unbreakable bond and an unconditional love.. only to end. To be left with a good bye and thank you. Good bye. Thank you. Those last words hit me so hard. I didn't want it to end. I still don't want it to end. I want to be there with them at their sides every step of the way. To experience the hardships with them to be resolved in unconditional love. And then I realize that it's just a story. It's only fiction. Yet, never in my life have I ever felt more connected to a group of 'people'. The way you brought forth these characters.. Hisao, Lily, Hanako, Akira.. all of them.. were so vivid in my mind that every time I read your story it felt so real to me. It felt like I belonged among them whether or not I placed myself from Hisao's perspective or from a bystander perspective, it felt like I was there. Like I experienced all of their ordeals with them. So when it finished, I was left with so much despair. It felt like my life was over and another void had been ripped into my heart. I didn't go to school or do anything the next day. I stayed home and just wallowed in my self-pity. It's really despicable. Even now I can't get over the fact that it was all just a story. I can't get these characters out of my head and every time I think about them, every time I think about these experiences you've created, it feels like a memory of something real.

You have no idea how much you've touched me. Even before reading this, the original Katawa Shoujo already earned its own special place in my heart - void or not - and now Siterhood: True Edition takes its own place as well. I don't expect you to read this but, I can't stop myself from writing this out and I want to show you just, how much you moved me.

In my Grade 11 year of highschool I was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer. It wasn't anything permanent and it wasn't as life threatening as many of the disabilities many of the characters in Katawa Shoujo or, even real life for that matter but, it was enough to place me in a hospital ward for a month and to leave me at home for the rest of the school year. I really didn't make anything of it when I received the news as, I was already really depressed before then and to be honest there might have been times when I hoped it would take my life. Things in my life at the moment were already not really working out for me.

The highschool I went to is one of the top high schools in my province and there is a very high standard set among all students. Everyone I knew was a prodigy of some sort. Everyone was great at everything. Except me. I don't even know how I got passed my audition but, in the midst of everyone else I really was a nobody. The only thing I really had was a close group of friends whom I ate lunch with everyday - Jadie, Richard and Lucia. For a moment, it seemed like our friendship was reaching a peek. Or at least I think so. We had done many things together and we even confided in each other a few times, especially when Jadie was considering moving schools. I think, given enough time, we might have even been as close as Lilly, Hisao and Hanako. However, as the months went on and high school started to become more difficult, I started drifting away from them. I couldn't keep up the same way the could in the courses they took and I would end up dropping most of them for different courses. Being a very academic bunch - one of them even received a 20,000 dollar scholarship during our last year - our conversations very heavily revolved around our school work besides our usual small talk. I started to become just the clown of the bunch. I couldn't keep up with them in our studies and so I tried really hard in other ways to make up for that. It was never really the same and we stopped having the same intimate conversations we would usually have and so, when I was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer I was really non-chalant about it.

At the time I thought that as long as I could get away to my room and play games away from the rest of the world I wouldn't have any worries and so when I had to stay home for the remainder of the year it was more a relief than anything because I no longer had to stress out about doing well in school, keeping up with my friends or trying to get past the awkwardness between us that suddenly arose. I secluded myself from the rest of the world and, when I came back for my final year after being home schooled, that's exactly what the rest of the world did from me.

Like Hisao, people would visit me at the ward, visit me at home, send me cards and what not but ultimately the world kept spinning and I was stuck in the past. When I came back my group of friends went on by themselves and I became a stranger to them. A stranger to everyone for that matter. When I talked to people they didn't treat me like an equal but instead they perceived me as 'that guy who got cancer' and they would treat me like china glass. Nervous smiles, small talk, I could no longer confide in anyone or talk to anyone as a friend. At the time I don't think it hit me as hard because I didn't mind the seclusion and, it also let me focus a bit more my studies and to improve some of my academic habits but, now it's hitting me more than ever.

I'm now in university for my first year and I am miserable. It's almost like a repeat of high school where, I somehow managed to get into a one of the top 20 universities in the world, surrounded by people with multitudes of talent but, this time, I have no friends. I have no one to confide in. I have nothing to work for. I thought I was changing my life around when I started increasing my grades but, I realize now that what's the point if I don't have anything to look forward to ? If I have nobody that I can love unconditionally who loves me back the same way. I lost my Lilly, Hisao and Hanako. Unlike Hisao, I wasn't able to repair myself after being broken and now It's as if I'm just the 'bad route ending' to a visual novel story. I'm truly, truly alone.

Which is why your story hit me so hard. It was after my experience with cancer, during my final year that I finished reading Katawa Shoujo. Reading your story was like I had caught up with friends of the past. I could relive the memories of reading Katawa Shoujo with an even richer story and a stronger sense of belonging or mattering. I can't express enough how real you've made these characters in my mind and how powerful you've been able to touch me. I don't know whether or not this feeling is negative or positive as I am trying to use it as a source of inspiration but, none the less I will never forget reading Sisterhood: True Edition. You can ensure that you have a permanent fan waiting for whatever it is you write next. Until then, I will keep reading Sisterhood: True Edition until I no longer can.

Thank You.

[Guest Poster]

Envaris, thanks. Cool to hear you liked the music player too. It's pretty easy to create your own lists with it, so if you like it, feel free to use it when reading other stories.

And All < Hanako...wow, what a reply. I'm a little overwhelmed.

I'm happy you enjoyed it. It's natural not wanting something you enjoy to end, but Hanako's last words in the story and final look back in the ending picture are aimed both at her former home and at the reader. I'm not really sure what to suggest about the...uh...feels you have. There's a thread called "Hanako's Broken Heart Club" in the public forum where people express the sentiments you've posted just now and encourage each other to do something positive with it. I hope you can follow in their footsteps.

[All < Hanako]

Envaris, thanks. Cool to hear you liked the music player too. It's pretty easy to create your own lists with it, so if you like it, feel free to use it when reading other stories.

And All < Hanako...wow, what a reply. I'm a little overwhelmed.

I'm happy you enjoyed it. It's natural not wanting something you enjoy to end, but Hanako's last words in the story and final look back in the ending picture are aimed both at her former home and at the reader. I'm not really sure what to suggest about the...uh...feels you have. There's a thread called "Hanako's Broken Heart Club" in the public forum where people express the sentiments you've posted just now and encourage each other to do something positive with it. I hope you can follow in their footsteps.

Good evening Guest Poster. It's nice to hear back from you and I just wanted to again commend you for 'Sisterhood: True Edition". You're created such a wonderful story.

I'm sorry if I overwhelmed you. I was feeling very emotionally unstable at the time and, after giving it some thought over the past 2 days, I realize that I may have made a very inappropriate action. Please do not feel burdened, responsible or discouraged in any way. I want you to know that I genuinely enjoyed your story and that although it evoked many sad emotions and memories, it was an overall heart-warming experience to read it. In fact when I had started reading your first chapter I giggled in joy many times because of how seemlessly you were able to start your story from the end of Hanako's route in Katawa Shoujo in such a similar and mesmerizing writing style.

I did not know that such a thread existed in the Katawa Shoujo forums. I didn't think there were any other people out there who took this VN as close to heart as I did. I am researching more on 'Hanako's Broken Heart Club' now and I can see now that clearly I was mistaken as so many people were touched by Hanako's story. Thank you for providing me with this emotional outlet and alternative. I think I will take up your suggestion. While I'm there I will definitely recommend 'Sisterhood: True Edition'. Thanks for everything and I hope that you continue to write such moving stories !

[valenceelectron]

Turned out deploying some specific libraries for OSX is a huge PITA, so I redid it using a different framework and am now finally finished with a Linux/OSX implementation of your FanficBGM.
I credited your, however, if you feel like I'm missing some points/things, or want me to link your website/something, feel free to tell me!

Basically I just started (currently at ch12) but I already love it. Feels like playing the VN again, or, more like continuing it. Thanks a lot. =)

[hyroglyphixs]

So.. I finally got around to reading the whole thing!

Where do I even start.. Last year when I read the original Sisterhood I was so happy that you gave Hanako's route some closure. The way you handled the situation with Hisao having a heart attack causing Hanako to have a panic attack was brilliant. Even giving Lilly happiness at the end was a fantastic touch.

With the True Edition, I felt many of the same emotion. I guess I'll break down my thoughts the each arc individually:

Scotland arc:
I really loved the slice of life between Hanako and Hisao. Since we never got to see these scenes in the actual VN and there were only a few in the original Sisterhood, it really gave me good vibes regarding their growing relationship. Also, I loved the way you brought in Lilly's parents and the original strained relationships between the Satou family. Not much else to say besides the heart attack, which I thought was a little too convenient given Hanako just finishing her training but nevertheless gave the arc some drama.

Exam arc:
Getting ready for university is a pretty interesting topic that isn't really touched on in KS fanfics. Especially since the schooling system is so different in Japan your research really paid off in terms of the story. When you finally got to the open house, the panic inducing phone call in the lecture hall was a nice touch. It was really believable that it truly would send Hanako into a severe relapse on her anxiety. The only problem I had in this route was how badly she would regress. I think that the degree that the depression gave her was a little over the top, and I'm not sure going back to the orphanage after how badly of a time she had there was too realistic. Past that fact however, I did love the character expansion on Naomi and Jun in the Broken quills, and the further depth of character you gave to Lilly's parents was really great. Many fanfics just go the lazy route with Lilly's father being super strict and whatever but you made them into very realistic and believable.

Ronin arc:
I did feel that this arc was probably the weakest one. It wasn't necessarily the writing, but the time skips that you incorporated (especially the email/chat/etc chapter) made it semi-hard to follow exactly what was going on. I would've also maybe liked an additional chapter or two on Hisao and Lilly's university life. I know that this is a Hanako epilogue, but I really wanted in particular a chapter about Lilly interacting with her own friends and the hardships of being blind in university. With all this being said, I still really enjoyed reading this arc. The Miss Yumi assignments were a great solution for getting Hanako slowly getting back on her feet. The ending... the ending really was fantastic. It made up for all the complaints I had about the whole arc. The private ceremony you had for Hanako made me feel truly emotional. It especially was giving me Angel Beats! vibes (have you seen it?). When she finally accepted the adoption and the ending paragraph with the art really was the perfect ending to your epilogue.

I guess all I have left to say it thank you. Thank you for the hard work you've put into this story so people like me can enjoy it.

PS. What do I read now?? I feel so empty

[Guest Poster]

Turned out deploying some specific libraries for OSX is a huge PITA, so I redid it using a different framework and am now finally finished with a Linux/OSX implementation of your FanficBGM.
I credited your, however, if you feel like I'm missing some points/things, or want me to link your website/something, feel free to tell me!

Basically I just started (currently at ch12) but I already love it. Feels like playing the VN again, or, more like continuing it. Thanks a lot. =)

Nice work. It's cool people like the idea enough to start porting it. It bugged me a bit that I could only create Windows builds of it.

And Hyroglyphixs, thanks for the kind words.

The only problem I had in this route was how badly she would regress. I think that the degree that the depression gave her was a little over the top, and I'm not sure going back to the orphanage after how badly of a time she had there was too realistic

Hanako's situation was a little complicated. The panic attack and resulting relapse were only part of the problem.

In her mind, Hanako was stuck in a lose-lose situation. Causing a public disturbance in the lecture hall made her believe that if she'd attend the journalism faculty at Kasshoku, people would remember her and ridicule or even bully her. Suddenly, graduating and attending university became a bad option and she became terrified of the prospect of going there. But not graduating and attending Kasshoku would be a bad option as well, because both Lilly and Hisao were counting on her accompanying them and Lilly was even depending on her to be able to live on her own. So between the open house day and graduation day, Hanako kept going back and forth between a scenario where she'd probably get hurt again and another one where she'd hurt the people dearest to her. This became a downward spiral that was made worse when she was faced with her entrance exams and flunked them, mostly out of fear. By the time graduation day was there, the shame caused her to hit rock bottom and she fled.

Her return to the orphanage was kind of desperation move, since she didn't know where else to go. Keep in mind that while Hanako had very bad memories of her elementary and middle school, the same isn't true for the orphanage. She mentioned in the VN that the people there were kind, that she liked the place and that it reminded her of Yamaku a bit, so I didn't think it'd be too unrealistic to have her flee there if she didn't know what else to do.

[hyroglyphixs]

In her mind, Hanako was stuck in a lose-lose situation. Causing a public disturbance in the lecture hall made her believe that if she'd attend the journalism faculty at Kasshoku, people would remember her and ridicule or even bully her. Suddenly, graduating and attending university became a bad option and she became terrified of the prospect of going there. But not graduating and attending Kasshoku would be a bad option as well, because both Lilly and Hisao were counting on her accompanying them and Lilly was even depending on her to be able to live on her own. So between the open house day and graduation day, Hanako kept going back and forth between a scenario where she'd probably get hurt again and another one where she'd hurt the people dearest to her. This became a downward spiral that was made worse when she was faced with her entrance exams and flunked them, mostly out of fear. By the time graduation day was there, the shame caused her to hit rock bottom and she fled.

Her return to the orphanage was kind of desperation move, since she didn't know where else to go. Keep in mind that while Hanako had very bad memories of her elementary and middle school, the same isn't true for the orphanage. She mentioned in the VN that the people there were kind, that she liked the place and that it reminded her of Yamaku a bit, so I didn't think it'd be too unrealistic to have her flee there if she didn't know what else to do.

Hmm, that is a good point. I didn't think of that. Also, regarding the orphanage, I totally forgot that she said that (it's been a while since I've read the actual VN).

[Manako]

Certainly my favorite fanfic !

[griffon8]

Okay, time to reply to this.

There were several errors I noted. I seem to recall a request that those be sent by PM, so I will get around to that some time this week.

The experience of reading this is overall excellent. The original was also excellent. This longer version acted more to extend it than improve it. I can’t say that this one is better, merely that it didn’t get worse by being longer.

You obviously put a lot of research into this. I don’t think any other story here considered ‘exam hell’ as something that was a good idea to cover.

My biggest complaint would be about a completely abandoned storyline. Hanako meets Iwanako, suggests to Hisao that they try going to one of the places he used to hang out at (and therefore risk running into his old friends), and he says he wants to think about it.

This is never addressed again.

No mention of what Hisao thought about it. Iwanako doesn’t get mentioned again. Nobody from Hisao’s pre-Yamaku life is seen. Why is the encounter part of the story if nothing happens as a result? The only things this scene provides for us is Hanako’s thoughts about what people usually say to her when meeting her for the first time. Even the fact that Iwanako has moved on isn’t new, it was obvious from her letter to Hisao.

I suppose I’ll put spoilers around that in case anybody is reading the comments without reading the story.

[Mahorfeus]

In regards to that, I feel like the "Sisterhood" aspect of this story kind of fizzles out after the conclusion of the Scotland arc. I think exploring that issue would have leaned the story towards Hisao too much, but I agree that bringing it up to begin with kind of felt like a tease. But given all the conflicts that arise in this story, I am kind of glad that it was not further addressed.