Nothing quite makes my day than a terrible Self-Insert Fanfic, y'know?
My Big Day Out At Yamaku
I gaze up at the wrought Iron gates before me.
Yamaku School for Gifted Disabled Teenagers.
Ever since I lost both my parents, all my limbs and become severely scarred in a gas explosion three weeks ago, I've been in a hospital dealing with depression and isolation and stuff. I was given a choice of continuing my school studies or going into work. Naturally, I chose to go to an obscure school in the middle of Japan that nobody but I had ever heard of for no apparent reason. Carrying only what I can hold, I set off to a foreign country i've never visited before on a quest that my parents just wouldn't agree with becAUSE FUCK YOU MOM YOU DONT UNDERSTAND
I'm back in public with four prosthetic limbs and a heart full of sadness. I am also very mysterious and handsome. and I have severe trust issues.
I waddle through the gates on my plastic legs and head straight for the main doors. Nobody is walking around, so the school's as empty as my blackened heart. A man stands in the doorway and meets my depressed gaze as I enter. He kinda reminds me of BBC's Dr Who although it's obviously not him because that'd be copyright. He speaks to me, but I ignore him. I'm too cool to be helped by teachers.
"Hmph. Thanks, kid." I smirk and set off down the corridor, cutting him off mid sentence and heading straight for the library. I used to read a lot of books in hospital because that shows that not only was I really lonely and depressed, but I am also very smart and insightful. I am essentially perfect.
I try my best to open the doors with my prosthetic hands but it's too hard. God, I'm so angsty and mysterious, I bite back tears and think of my dead parents for a bit. Just because I'm not 100% flesh does not mean I'm not 100% human! This triggers the demon soul trapped in me and she starts to rumble, but I hold it back. Not yet, my dog of war.
Wow, I'm so mysterious.
I walk in the library and pick a few mangas from the comic section. My mom never let me read these at home, but I'm my own man now. I'm already 25.
That's when I see her.
A beautiful girl is sat in the corner on a bean bag, reading some book. I bet it's even in English,whereas
I can read fluent Japanese. I just can't look away because she's incredibly beautiful, despite the fact she's so horrifically burnt that I'm starting to feel hungry again. I stand up to speak to her.
As I get closer, I can feel how anxious I am. First impressions are EVERYTHING, and I can feel my now-nonexistant knees going weak. I get close enough and she notices me. She hides her face behind a book in the most kawaii way possible and I smile smoothly and handsomely at her.
"My dear, I don't know how to say this, but you are beautiful. Only I can see past your hideous deformities to the true beauty of your personality and your hair. You mean more to me than that shit book you're reading. Join me, and I will show you the world." I put my plastic claw out to help her up, and discreetly tip my hat further with my other arm. She flinches at my swinging arm, like a cute little terrified deer, and she looks me in the eyes and stutters like a really kawaii girl would. She opens her mouth to speak but hesitates. "P-Please respond."
She finally speaks.
"誰か... 誰か助けてください"
What the fuck did she just say?
"リリー! 久雄! 優子!" She stands and runs past me, her perfume filling my slightly running nostrils. "誰か!"
People all around me start to stare. I don't know what happened, that was my best chatup line. I put my head down and discreetly stump my way through the library. I don't think anyone noticed me leave.
I see my love poking her head round the corner. Her heart will be mine, she's just being tsundere. I haphazardly make my way over to her last-known location, trying not to let my prosthetics slip on the tiles. Life is so hard for me nowadays, but nobody can even understand. I'm so alone in this world.
When she sees me, she squeels and runs away; obviously a flirty game of kiss-chase is developing. I'm in love.
I finally turn the corner and see her with another guy. Fucking slut. He has his hands on her shoulders, trying to speak to her and she looks really worried.
WHAT DOES HE THINK HE'S DOING TO MY PRECIOUS WAIFU?!
She keeps looking back at me and wriggling to escape, but this stupid guy has her held still. She obviously needs me to intervene!
I peg my way down the corridor at him and he notices my loud artificial feet on the hard, cold tiling.
Back before this cripplement, I used to be an expert thief, the best in America. A modern day Spy, stealing what i needed and giving to the poor and unfortunate. Not anymore, though. I hold back tears at the thoughts of what I once had. If only I could go back in time and stop this all from happening...
He looks at me and lets go of my future wife. I am just steaming with so much testosterone, he must know I'm the new alpha round these parts. He stands between me and my conquest, forming a wall between me and her. He must really think he has a chance.
"あなた誰?" He starts speaking Italian too. "残してください."
"What the fuck did you just say to me you little bitch?!" He obviously doesn't speak American, so I have to use body language. I shove my prosthetic arm towards him and motion for him to move, "MOOOOVE. AWAAAY."
All he does is brace himself and shout at me in his weird made-up language again. if I knew all people that lived here were as ignorant and intolerant as this, I wouldn't have come.
My glorious
Eternal Reward looks over this dickhead's shoulder as he shouts and gazes deeply into my eyes, tears beginning to fall over her smooth and crusty cheeks.
This remind me what I'm fighting for. This is what having honour is. This is the way of the samurai.
I decide to make the first move and lightly punch him in the throat. He falls to his knees where I deliver the final blow and kick him in the chest. Don't worry, it's okay, I did that all in self defence.
As I watch him gasp for air and clutch his chest, it reminds me of how I got here. It reminds me of the time my older brother humiliated me in front of the school. I shed a single manly tear, my waifu before me will surely see that as my sensitive side showing.
I look up to her, and whisper "Not all heroes wear capes."
Her knees give way and she begins crying, desperately trying to crawl away. She obviously can't be near this pathetic guy for a second longer and I agree. I step over him and take her hair in my plastic hands, upon which she stops moving. At last, she knows she is safe.
I twist her head around to face me, her tear-stained cheeks mere centimetres from my own.
"What is your name, air maiden? I must know."
"ください..."
"Kudasai, eh? What a beautiful name, Kudasai."
I take her by the hand and pull her along with me, like I see in all those romantic manga, running off into the sunset to begin our new life together.
Later on she escapes and he has no idea where he is. He becomes a homeless man and lives on the streets in Central Tokyo.
That winter he dies of Pneumonia.
The end.
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