Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[metalangel]

Well..you knows I think that obviously if I go in a far country without know a minimum about the culture here, I will do very mistakes.
Especially since I don't even understand their language.
Although I think that I understand stuff like "I'd rather we remain friends," "it would be difficult between us", I think we don't really think about the same thing : remember that I just said that in the case of Elessar, I think that send a few messages is a good idea, when metangel&co think that I'm a delusive stalker.

Why do you instantly accept someone's accept the explanation of what is culturally acceptable in Japan, but continue to argue against what is culturally acceptable in the West after several of us have explained it to you?

Guest Poster says you're expected to read between the lines of a polite refusal to get the explicit 'no'. Likewise, no contact after repeated attempts over almost two months, you are expected to read between the lines for the 'no'. No matter how 'abnormally' strong your 'crush' on that other person might be, if they are not responding, you leave them alone. If you persist, like you are suggesting, you are acting contrary to what is socially acceptable and are WRONG.

[Broomhead]

'Go not to the KS forums for counsel, for they will say both no and yes.

-sent from my cranial implant (phone)

[Zarys]

And it's certainly why I think that Elessar can't do more now.
In his place, when you stop it exactly ?

'Go not to the KS forums for counsel, for they will say both no and yes.

-sent from my cranial implant (phone)

Don't ask counsel to everyone, so, everybody will have his own opinion...it's logical.

[metalangel]

And it's certainly why I think that Elessar can't do more now.
In his place, when you stop it exactly ?

At the end of the first week, when two messages went unanswered. The end.

[Guest Poster]

Online forums aren't the most reliable places for that kind of counsel to begin with unless they're support groups specifically created for that purpose and even then the advice you get isn't always reliable. We're all arm-chair therapists here anyway.

[Zarys]

Ah you are not saying he don't even have the right to send one or two messages; i have had almost this feeling.
This seems a little short to me, but why make such a big deal with it if it's just a matter of intensity ?

[azumeow]

Ah you are not saying he don't even have the right to send one or two messages

That's....not what he was saying at all.

[Zarys]

That's....not what he was saying at all.

And I never said that I encouraged him to stalk her for years, just that his idea was good as a last try before moves on. (If It don't works)

[azumeow]

That's....not what he was saying at all.

And I never said that I encouraged him to stalk her for years, just that his idea was good as a last try before moves on. (If It don't works)

So you thought intentionally misinterpreting his words would make the situation better because....?

[Zarys]

I have a little misinterpreting his words, and I'm sure than you're also did the same about my own words.

And if someone did it intentionally, it was more you : who ignored all I said about why I thinked that what Elessar did don't cross the limits of the acceptable but thinked that I find the stalkers "romanctic" because I have said the word "romantic" in one sentence that described metangel and not the stalkers* ? (the whole in a message of 20 lines about the first and a half about the second) or repeat all the time your good principles when I said several times that I'm okay with the principle but not with your level of tolerance about it ? or start pedantically commenting on decency, "reality" and all that (implying that I am obnoxious and delusive) ?


*And exept metangel and cofeedrive, all participants were only reacting to this kind of stuff, sorry but you are as much responsible for the misinformation and the controversy as me.

[azumeow]

I have a little misinterpreting his words, and I'm sure than you're also did the same about my own words.

And if someone did it intentionally, it was more you : who ignored all I said about why I thinked that what Elessar did don't cross the limits of the acceptable but thinked that I find the stalkers "romanctic" because I have said the word "romantic" in one sentence that described metangel and not the stalkers ? or repeat all the time your good principles when I said several times that I'm okay with the principle but not with your level of tolerance about it ? or start pedantically commenting on decency, "reality" and all that (implying that I am obnoxious and delusive) ?

Alright Zarys, I'm gonna ask nicely one time. Stop. I didn't accuse you of anything. I've made TWO comments on this debacle. TWO. One was asking for it to end, and the other was me patiently advising that you were pushing too hard for this, that after a month and a half it was clear this girl didn't want to talk to him.

And actually, I disagree with metal. I also happen to disagree with you. I don't think you're a stalker or delusional. I just think that you're wrong about this situation. Putting effort into keeping in touch with someone is fine. I've been in situations where I could let go or hold on, and I've made both decisions. Sometimes holding on can help. Sometimes it's better to let go. Now, so there is no misinterpretation of what I mean, I am going to post this boldfaced, italicized and underlined:

I don't think you're a delusional stalker Zarys. I think that, unchecked, this type of behavior can result in a Denko situation, but there are VERY few people who lack that amount of social grace and empathy for other human beings. My position would have to fall into the middle of the debate. And, once again, I am calling for everybody to simply stop. This is over. Elessar has made a decision. It's over.

[Zarys]

Ah sorry if I have no noticed you.
But yes yo're wise, it's just that I have the feeling we have the same norms (contact for 2 months someone you know since a year don't seems exaggerated to me) about it but that I have being more suspected in my opinion than I have suspected metangel. (And yes I take badly the almost immediate ​​comparison with this Denko's Guy, it's a bit like that I compared the opposite opinion with a sociopath devoid of emotions)

[Elessar]

Just a little Update

Whatever you are trying to tell me now to change my mind or whatever, wont help me now, text is sent, im not going to check my phone until tomorrow [i have absolutely no clue why, just a thing i do, it's weird].
Don't you worry, i did not ask for a date or anything ( some of seem really worried that i could seem like a stalker), i just asked her if she would want to spend time with me sometime in the future, even if it is just as friends or whatever. I want to end on a good note with her, if it ends.

And no, this decision is not only based on the advice of one person here (looking at you, Zarys), but more after putting tons of thought into it and considering every single word any of you wrote down regarding my 'case'. Im not on anybodys side other than mine and i did this not because i want someone else to be, well happy is the wrong word, i think comforted(?) or comfortable(?) would be better, but because i want to be in peace with myself. (does anyone understand what im trying to say? Again im not a native english speaker).
Because if there is one thing i learned in life, then it is what that one barkeeper told me about 4 years ago: One should always make sure that one-self is happy before caring for other peoples happiness, because other people won't try to make you happy before they are happy themselves" (i can't quite remember what words he used, but this sums it up i guess)
Although it might seem selfish, you have to consider that everyone is selfish at some points in his life.

With this im out for now, i might come back tomorrow if somthing happens.
See ya

[azumeow]

Because if there is one thing i learned in life, then it is what that one barkeeper told me about 4 years ago: One should always make sure that one-self is happy before caring for other peoples happiness, because other people won't try to make you happy before they are happy themselves" (i can't quite remember what words he used, but this sums it up i guess)
Although it might seem selfish, you have to consider that everyone is selfish at some points in his life.

All of my this. I can't tell you how much better my life has been after I started truly taking care of my own needs and issues.

[SpunkySix]

There's no question it's kinda bad and upsetting, but women on those sites can get over 100 messages a day, they can't respond to them all. Even as a guy, you sometimes get too many or from people you have zero interest in and because of that, it has become acceptable practice not to respond, with the proviso that the person sending the message accepts that if they don't get a response, the other party just isn't interested and it's not a personal insult.

Trust me, I needed some time to adjust to this way of thinking too, but I understand why it's necessary.

I can understand that. I've never been in a position where I had nearly that many messages before, so I didn't realize it got that bad.

On another note:

Elessar, completely frightned by the gargantuan ammount of advice and different opinions on what he should do, started running, some say he still runs to this day.