Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[metalangel]

If it's only a bad date (You just disliked the person) why don't simply says "not" ? everyone you don't like is a freak or what ?

Because some freaks don't take no for an answer.

[Zarys]

Ah because you/he/she have says no or refuse a an another date ? so, unrelevent to this situation.

[Elessar]

i think you guys might be overreacting a SLIGHT bit...
Im not trying to force an answer, im not thinking that another text/call might change her mind (come on, that would be ridiculous) and im not trying to be romantic here.
[excuse me if i misinterpreted]

Of course, persistence isnt always = romantic, and i think in this case you could be absolutely sure that it isnt really romantic.
Most people would say, 1 1/2 months of no response is enough of knowing that there is no interest on the other side, but i just need a finishing statement.
Be it a straight up "no" or simply another unanswered message, i just need something now to know wether or not i should keep thinking about her or if i could just let it be.
Especially now in my, as previously called "Life after Hanako depression" i need this kind of statement.

[Zarys]

No, you're right, these guys are just paranoids.

[metalangel]

Ah because you/he/she have says no or refuse a an another date ? so, unrelevent to this situation.

It's totally relevant if they are concerned the other person will not accept the refusal and take steps to disappear.

i think you guys might be overreacting a SLIGHT bit...
Im not trying to force an answer, im not thinking that another text/call might change her mind (come on, that would be ridiculous) and im not trying to be romantic here.
[excuse me if i misinterpreted]

Of course, persistence isnt always = romantic, and i think in this case you could be absolutely sure that it isnt really romantic.
Most people would say, 1 1/2 months of no response is enough of knowing that there is no interest on the other side, but i just need a finishing statement.
Be it a straight up "no" or simply another unanswered message, i just need something now to know wether or not i should keep thinking about her or if i could just let it be.
Especially now in my, as previously called "Life after Hanako depression" i need this kind of statement.

I understand, man. A sense of closure, even if it's a "no", is very helpful. Unfortunately, you don't always get those and that's why I suggested that it might just be best to move on rather than continue pining for someone you might well never hear from again anyway. That you decided to send one last message is your decision. It's not what I would have done, but fair enough if you wanted to give it one last shot.

The issue here isn't about your specific situation that much any more: that Zarys is advocating lots and lots of persistence, even after a long period of time, which can be extremely distressing for the recipient. To think that someone is finally gone, you've moved on with your life, and then they contact you again and all the bad memories and anxiety and stuff come flooding back. Sure, they might think they're being nice or romantic or harmless, but you're back in a bad place you thought you'd managed to leave behind. I already said why you don't engage, acknowledge or respond to people you really don't want to talk to. It's really ugly and unpleasant and that's why the law is on your side if you are made to feel unhappy or unsafe.

[Zarys]

It's totally relevant if they are concerned the other person will not accept the refusal and take steps to disappear.

Well, they are a difrence between being persistant after a explicit refuze (If he/she contact AFTTER knows it's over) and dissapear without signs of dislike....
Imagine that you have a friend/girlfriend who obviously like you, and suddenly they disseapar; personaly I would be anxious and try to contact several times...and I think it's not me who is wrong here.

[Elessar]

yea, i know it's turned into more of a general discussion.. didn't think one little story would heat things up like this o.o

I get your point metalangel, and i thank you for respecting my choice, even if it might not be the best one.

I would like to write more now, but tbh, i can't think of anything, most of my thoughts are already written down by you guys or by me and there isn't much more for me to think of now, besides the right words for the text that is.

Again, thank you for your statements, your opinions and your thoughts, it might not seem that way, but it helped me a lot

[Zarys]

yea, i know it's turned into more of a general discussion.. didn't think one little story would heat things up like this o.o

I get your point metalangel, and i thank you for respecting my choice, even if it might not be the best one.

I would like to write more now, but tbh, i can't think of anything, most of my thoughts are already written down by you guys or by me and there isn't much more for me to think of now, besides the right words for the text that is.

Again, thank you for your statements, your opinions and your thoughts, it might not seem that way, but it helped me a lot

It was a pleasure, and good luck ! (You can says that I was the more usefull, they would not be outraged. )
And again, good luck !

[metalangel]

It's totally relevant if they are concerned the other person will not accept the refusal and take steps to disappear.

Well, they are a difrence between being persistant after a explicit refuze (If he/she contact AFTTER knows it's over) and dissapear without signs of dislike....
Imagine that you have a friend/girlfriend who obviously like you, and suddenly they disseapar; personaly I would be anxious and try to contact several times...and I think it's not me who is wrong here.

We're back around to the fact that some people won't feel able to give an explicit refusal, and that you for your own reasons will not accept anything but one. Someone not contacting you for over a month, and not responding to your repeated attempts to contact them, is a refusal too. That really is all there is to it.

With an actual boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse, where there is an existing long term relationship of some kind, you'd have cause for concern. But someone who went to a dance with you, who you knew to be shy? There's the barest scraps of anything there, you are not in a position to go chasing after them and being anxious about them. That's what the Denko guy used to justify his rampage.

[Zarys]

We're back around to the fact that some people won't feel able to give an explicit refusal, and that you for your own reasons will not accept anything but one. Someone not contacting you for over a month, and not responding to your repeated attempts to contact them, is a refusal too. That really is all there is to it.

With an actual boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse, where there is an existing long term relationship of some kind, you'd have cause for concern. But someone who went to a dance with you, who you knew to be shy? There's the barest scraps of anything there, you are not in a position to go chasing after them and being anxious about them. That's what the Denko guy used to justify his rampage.

Except that this Denko Guy did worse that seed third message instead two...and I don't think that leave suddenly like that is a really more normal behavior than being a little persistant...

[metalangel]

Except that this Denko Guy did worse that seed third message instead two...

You're suggesting the start of that kind of behaviour! Maybe not 600 emails, but how many?

and I don't think that leave suddenly like that is a really more normal behavior than being a little persistant...

That does not justify nor entitle you to repeatedly contact someone who is not responding.

[Zarys]

You're suggesting the start of that kind of behaviour! Maybe not 600 emails, but how many?

it's a question of proportion.

[metalangel]

You're suggesting the start of that kind of behaviour! Maybe not 600 emails, but how many?

it's a question of proportion.

Do you not have an answer to that? Or to your sense of entitlement to keep contacting someone who might be construing it as harassment?

[Zarys]

What i have adviced to Elessar

[azumeow]

Hey, can you guys just, you know, not? Take it to PM's or something, because I'm checking for updates, not to watch your continuous bickering on a situation that is NEVER going to go ANYWHERE. Neither of you is going to change the other's mind. That much is clear. So, please, just...stop.