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The bell rings to signal the end of final period, and the end of my first day at Yamaku Acadamy. Though my counselors told me I could skip class, I felt that it would be strange to miss the first day of school. And I thought that would draw even more attention to me in the long run than just going.
Of course, I was wrong. Or at least, that didn’t stop people from staring at me, at my scars. I thought that this school was supposed to be better, that people might finally see me as an equal. But I guess all this school does is spread their hate of me safely behind my back. I don’t know if that’s better or worse. I guess it just should have been expected.
As I walk out of my classroom, I back up against the wall, peeking through my bangs to take stock of the students here. Might as well get a good look at everyone I’ll be avoiding the next three years. I’m the first one out, so I can see everyone who comes through behind me once they walk through the door. I see Shiina, a bubbly girl with seemingly zero volume control, skip out of the classroom after me, seemingly trying to get to wherever was going as quick as I would be. Despite her being much too overwhelming for me, I guess we have that in common. After her someone named… Shizune, I think, sets a brisk pace after her. I wonder what that’s about. The blue-black haired girl seemed deaf, considering her speaking as much as me, but her gaze was so piercing that I don’t want to be anywhere near her.
After Shizune follows Miki, who has raven colored hair like mine, and was actually talking with me before class started. Well, talking to me. I didn’t say much. Or rather, anything. Nayomi and Natsume pass while happily chatting away, both of whom were also friendly to me during class, but I again remained silent. I should probably apologize to them, I feel really bad but that would just… take too much out of me right now. Some more students file out whose faces I recognize, but not their names, until the last one out is a blue haired Suzu Suzuki, whose name I only remember because of how melodious it sounded. Other than that she seemed sleepy, disinterested, and didn’t talk much. I think I like her best so far.
I sigh and turn to see who is coming out of the other classes. There are a lot of distinct people in this school, a blonde girl so tall that I almost mistook her for a teacher, a boy who looks a lot like that guy from the English movie about magic or something, and a girl with no legs so short and fast I almost don’t see her. But my interest is piqued by someone who doesn’t stand out as much.
A thin girl with orange hair and blank expression stands in the corner of the hall outside 3-4, wearing a boys uniform and sandals, which would seem useful given her clear absence of arms. She appears to be people watching, much like me, only instead of being shy, she seems more bored or uncaring. Despite that, her sea green eyes flicker from person to person behind her gaunt face, seemingly sizing them up while at the same time being completely disinterested and aloof.
Eventually her gaze falls on me, her eyes widen, and her mouth opens just a little bit. Oh, just perfect, I think to myself. So this is how the torment resumes. And as I expected, she begins to walk over, and stops right in front of me and stares harder. Okay, what the hell is wrong with you?! I think as I turn away to hide myself and, more importantly, my scars, from her with my bangs. She moves to look closer, however, and studies me even further.
Her clouded expression from before is still present, but now her eyes have become analytical, as if they were dissecting an alien from Roswell. But she doesn’t make me panic, for some reason. I don’t know why, but she doesn’t seem to be aggressive as much as… interested. Which I still don’t like, but at least it’s better than what I usually get. The girl steps back enough to give me space, but clearly not out of any social awareness. She opens her mouth, and the words spill out.
“Hello.”
Word, rather. I don’t respond at first, but it seems after a short pause that the girl doesn’t care.
“I’m Rin. Rin Tezuka. Tezuka Rin. Hello,” she repeats. “I was person-looking and collecting people. Most of them I’d seen before. Well, not them, but people like them. Then there was some I had to guess, but that doesn’t matter. Then I saw you.”
I… honestly don’t understand anything about any of that.
“Can you help me? I paint, and you have good colors and feelings and sameness, but that’s not the word I think, but I still want to see your sameness be on the paint. Or at least I’ll paint. The sameness.” I don’t particularly like that it looks as if she’s asking me to be her muse to look at me for long periods of time and scrutinize, enough to make a portrait. At least that’s what I think she means. Given how she speaks, I really can’t be sure.
She finally seems to take notice of my silence, asking, “Are you deaf, too, other than the scar? Because then it’s okay if you can’t understand. But it’s not different. Either way, if you want to help, I’d like it if you did.”
Rin walks into the class next door to mine, 1-4, and I have the feeling she’s going to paint there whether I’m there or not. I really shouldn’t follow her. I’m still not sure if she’s meaning to be this offensive, but she’s really close to the line if she’s not crossing it. But… I came to this school to make a change. I need to try to actually get a friend, or talk to somebody, or else, what’s the point? So I summon all the resolve that I don’t have, and march in after her.
This room is a carbon copy of my own classroom, without decorations nor any pictures on the walls. Rin is moving chairs around the room for some reason, placing two so they face each other at about arms length, and another facing the other two farther away. She looks up from what she’s doing and sees me standing in the threshold. She doesn’t seem surprised that I came with her.
“Hello. Can you put the canvas on this chair here?” She gestures towards the chair in the middle. I quietly comply as Rin takes a seat in front of where I place the canvas.
Rin nods her head towards the chair furthest away from her. “Sit. Relax. Be.” I take my seat and try to… be, whatever that means. It’s nowhere near easy. Rin keeps looking at me when she paints, understandably, but I can’t help but feel like her stare is more malicious than it is. Realizing that my nervousness is causing me to be restless and turn my head to look away from Rin periodically, I decide that I need to do something about that. I close my eyes so I don’t see her looking at me.
This seems to do the trick… for a while. I can still feel her stare, studying me, trying to make out every detail of me. It feels like twenty pairs of eyes are on me at once, I can’t help it. Minutes pass like hours, I close my eyes tighter, I purse my lips, I just have to close myself up and hang in there for just a bit-
“I’m finished,” Rin finally sighs as she places her brush down. “Do you want to come see?”
I let out my breath and mentally pump my fist in victory. Today was a win. Now just to see what portrait she made of me. I silently hope that she didn’t put too much emphasis on the scars, even though that’s what she was implying earlier. I move to stand behind Rin’s seat and my eyes widen at the freshly painted artwork before me.
It… isn’t a portrait. Yeah, I’m in it, but I’m not the main focus. In the picture I’m sitting on the ground, very small, my features not very defined. Although my scar is still present, but looks like more like a shadow than anything else. Above me is a thought bubble, taking up around two thirds of the whole. In it is a mess of faces and eyes, staring out of the canvas at the viewer. The faces carry grins so wide that teeth take up half their headroom. The only color used in the entire work is a rusted red, and the way they're drawn is so terrifying that I’m disturbed in real life. But it makes me wonder…
She understands me. The painting portrayed exactly what I felt while acting a muse. I don’t know how, but she got it spot on.
“What do you think?” Rin asks slowly.
This is my chance to speak, isn’t it? Now or never. “H-h-h…” I cough dryly into my elbow. It occurs to me that I haven’t spoken since I left the orphanage a few days ago. “I-i-i-it… i-i-it’s…” wonderful, amazing, excellent, breathtaking, exquisite, perfect, so many words that don’t come close to describing how I feel about it. And I can’t build myself up to saying any of them. I’m not ready. The words just won’t exit my mouth.
Thankfully, Rin saves me the trouble. “Do you like it?” This I can do. I nod vigorously, making sure to get across that I love it. Rin’s expression doesn’t change. “I could have had more color, but no one was mixing for me,” she says in monotone that could break glass. “Do you want to keep it?”
I think for a second, then shake my head. As amazing as it is, the thought bubble still terrifies me to no end, and I wouldn’t want it in my room. Thankfully, Rin doesn’t take offense to that, simply requesting that I help carry it over to her room.
As we walk to the girl’s dormitory, we don’t talk. At all. I think we both like it better this way, just left to our own thoughts. We make it to Rin’s dorm, I prop the canvas on her wall, and I wave goodbye. I shut the door behind me and walk back into my own dorm. I lay on my bed, thoroughly exhausted by the events of today. As I sink into warm sleep, the last thought on my mind is I might not be able to keep up with that pace every day, but I could get used to it… someday.
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By a22.
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Author’s notes: Yeah, that fan fiction was inspired by that fan art. I just thought it was so Rinlike, but also about Hanako, that I had to write something about them together, especially since they almost never talk in the VN.
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