Yamaku Book Club (20220124 Dish Washing)

[dewelar]

Unfortunately, beyond the entry-level nature of the writing, the premise that Miki so easily agreed to run with Emi despite the fact that in the VN itself Emi was upset that nobody on the track team was willing to run with her in the mornings kind of bugged me. When you have to contradict canon just to set up your story, you really haven't thought things through.

I'm not sure I remember the context clearly, but that could be something like Misha's "I get dizzy on stairs": something to guilt Hisao into running with her.

Maybe, but I don't think so. It happens during "Exercise" -- Emi is surprised when Hisao shows up the second day, and she says something along the lines of "Not many people show up a second time -- like the rest of the track team". It doesn't come off as being calculated, but it's possible that it could be.

[bhtooefr]

Katawa Shoujo 1.1, English:

Family issues. Our fathers are brothers, and do not like each other.

Or, French:

Problèmes de familie. Nos pères sont frères et ne s'apprécient pas.

[Mirage_GSM]

Ah, okay, I was thinking about the scene at the beginning of Lilly's Act 2.
Yes, this will probably be fixed in the next release.

[Blank Mage]

I'm not sure I'm motivated enough to read scene two. That writing was functional. It didn't have enough commas, but it wasn't broken. That's about the only nice thing I can say about it. It's (so far) a very bland story where bland characters interact. Blandly.

If I had to pick something in particular, it's those moments when the writer points out the incredibly obvious, like 'a slight exaggeration'. Well, yeah, we the readers know that Hisao didn'tliterally search for Emi all day. That's a common phrase. Why was this pointed out? Somehow, it just summarizes what I don't like about this story; it accomplishes nothing.

That being said, just writing coherently is a victory of sorts, since he's already ahead of the typical fan fiction crowd. It's not BAD. It's just.... there.

[brythain]

The comments have been more interesting than the original text. I do wish that more work had been put into it, but at the same time—to what end? Emi x Miki is very hard to justify contextually. I don't know if 'more work' could have saved it, in that sense.

[Blank Mage]

I think its time we start entertaining the idea that Sea isn't coming back anytime soon. Someone else want to make a suggestion for now?

[Mirage_GSM]

How about Fractal Butterfly?
It's quite short, so you can start right away.

[brythain]

How about Fractal Butterfly?
It's quite short, so you can start right away.

It's a very delicate piece. Elegantly metaphysical. I've always liked it because it condenses so many things into a simple form. Of course, some might say it's too sweet.

[d2r]

I liked it too. It could have been made a tad more clear who "she" was, since I was a bit confused at the end. I mean, I got the general outline of the plot, but it was mysterious in the confusing sense rather than the good one. Still, a good piece overall: entertaining & doesn't overstay its welcome.

[Blank Mage]

Well written, packs some strong feels without being overly dark, and it gets right to the point. I liked it.

[azumeow]

Yikes, that was....good. Good, pretty feelsy. I love the idea this presents though. It's a hell of a decision to make, but I'd like to think I'd make the same one given the circumstances. Personally, I thought it was gonna be an AU piece, with Emi's father going through life without Emi. I like the direction it went, though.

[dewelar]

I'd been avoiding reading this due to my own fears of where it might go, but obviously those were misplaced. The fact that there are currently a thousand thoughts spinning in my head about the implications of almost every part of the story...I don't think any other KS story I've read has had me thinking with that kind of depth. "Less is more" indeed. An excellent piece!

[Mirage_GSM]

This is a common trait for many of themocaw's stories...
@brythain:
"sweet" is among the last adjectives I'd have used to describe this story.

[brythain]

This is a common trait for many of themocaw's stories...
@brythain:
"sweet" is among the last adjectives I'd have used to describe this story.

Oh dear, maybe I -am- worse than Hitler after all.

[Oscar Wildecat]

"It's just one of those things. It's not really a big deal, in the end."

It seems to be a common theme that the real heros tend to downplay their accomplishments, because they think whatever it is that they had done is what any responsible person would have done in their place. I think Mister Ibarazaki would deny being a hero, but just a responsible father. This is the thought that this work leaves in my mind, at any rate.