Yamaku Book Club (20220124 Dish Washing)

[Leaty]

Two characters wiped off the slate, just like that. And then Hisao arbitrarily joins them at the end, because why not.

Don't forget that Yamaku Academy got demolished, too. No reason why, though clearly it's because the Yamaku Foundation was so overwhelmed with grief at the loss of Emi and Rin that they all had heart attacks. While at Hisao's birthday party.

[Blank Mage]

Kenji stands atop the rubble, drinking whiskey and salvaging bunker materials. He remembers hearing something about Hisao dying in a park, and pours a shot on his shoe in respect for his fallen comrade. "You took out two of 'em. Don't worry, man. I got the rest."

[brythain]

Kenji stands atop the rubble, drinking whiskey and salvaging bunker materials. He remembers hearing something about Hisao dying in a park, and pours a shot on his shoe in respect for his fallen comrade. "You took out two of 'em. Don't worry, man. I got the rest."

Best epilogue ever for an epilogue.

[Oddball]

It would have at least gave the story some redeeming value.

[Comrade]

Next topic:

Exceeder by Steinherz (ongoing, over 10.000 words as of chapter 5.1)
PoV: mostly Miki; Pairings: Miki X Emi
Remarks:


We meet in two days

[azumeow]

That was.....nice. Yes. Let's go with nice. I agree with the critique of scene one though. Third-person omniscient doesn't work with present tense. Glad that was changed by scene two.

[dewelar]

That was.....nice. Yes. Let's go with nice. I agree with the critique of scene one though. Third-person omniscient doesn't work with present tense. Glad that was changed by scene two.

So...it got better after scene one? Maybe I should go back and try again, because I couldn't even get through that first scene. I was actually looking forward to reading this, because I've never read any of the author's stuff, and Steinherz seems like a decent sort, and the concept has promise. Unfortunately, beyond the entry-level nature of the writing, the premise that Miki so easily agreed to run with Emi despite the fact that in the VN itself Emi was upset that nobody on the track team was willing to run with her in the mornings kind of bugged me. When you have to contradict canon just to set up your story, you really haven't thought things through.

[bhtooefr]

It really got quite a bit better after Umber started editing it... which just goes to show how important editing is.

[azumeow]

That was.....nice. Yes. Let's go with nice. I agree with the critique of scene one though. Third-person omniscient doesn't work with present tense. Glad that was changed by scene two.

So...it got better after scene one? Maybe I should go back and try again, because I couldn't even get through that first scene. I was actually looking forward to reading this, because I've never read any of the author's stuff, and Steinherz seems like a decent sort, and the concept has promise. Unfortunately, beyond the entry-level nature of the writing, the premise that Miki so easily agreed to run with Emi despite the fact that in the VN itself Emi was upset that nobody on the track team was willing to run with her in the mornings kind of bugged me. When you have to contradict canon just to set up your story, you really haven't thought things through.

As was said above, quality drastically improved once an editor was brought in.

As for the canon-breaking argument.....yeah, I have no counter-argument. Some things I'm willing to overlook, but that's a personal thing. I, for one, CANNOT STAND IT when people make Shizune's mother related to Lilly's father. It's said, in the VN, that their fathers are brothers. But that's just me.

[bhtooefr]

To be fair, Katawa Shoujo 1.2 will change that:

So, has the brothers thing been fixed for future releases as well?

Yes, it has been fixed. It OUGHT to have been fixed in time for the FR release, but... the less said about that, the better.

(Source: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=13&t ... 85#p185107)

Hiroyuki Satou (Lilly/Akira's father) and Jigoro Hakamichi are not related by blood, only by Jigoro's marriage to Mayoi Satou, Hiroyuki's sister.

[dewelar]

As for the canon-breaking argument.....yeah, I have no counter-argument. Some things I'm willing to overlook, but that's a personal thing. I, for one, CANNOT STAND IT when people make Shizune's mother related to Lilly's father. It's said, in the VN, that their fathers are brothers. But that's just me.

I can tolerate it when it's a minor thing, but when canon undermines one of your central premises, it becomes an issue.

As for the bit with Shizune's mother and Lilly's father being siblings, I wouldn't be too hard on folks for that. The devs have stated that this was supposed to be the case, but it got flubbed in the release version of the game. It's also been stated that if and when there's a v1.2 (or whatever) that this will be fixed. There are a number of threads about it on the boards, and it was addressed multiple times in the "Ask" thread as well.

EDIT: Or, yeah, what bhtooefr said .

[azumeow]

To be fair, Katawa Shoujo 1.2 will change that:

So, has the brothers thing been fixed for future releases as well?

Yes, it has been fixed. It OUGHT to have been fixed in time for the FR release, but... the less said about that, the better.

(Source: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=13&t ... 85#p185107)

Hiroyuki Satou (Lilly/Akira's father) and Jigoro Hakamichi are not related by blood, only by Jigoro's marriage to Mayoi Satou, Hiroyuki's sister.

Oye....

[bhtooefr]

Now, the other major error that gets discussed, Lilly being present at the end of Shizune's route... that one, I haven't seen any claims that it'll be fixed, so I operate under VN-trumps-devs (which is the normal rule, but when the devs explicitly say that the next release will fix it, I'll go with the devs). Besides, it'd need some heavy reworking to remove Lilly's scene from there. (And, using only information in the VN, Lilly being present at the end of Shizune's route can be VERY easily explained as "she came back because she didn't want to leave Hanako alone". Nowhere does that explanation get contradicted, and the scene where Lilly appeared at the beginning of summer break has Akira saying that they'll be back, so it sure looks like Lilly stayed. That's the only route that actually involves Lilly in any meaningful way that even goes past the first week or so of summer break, not even Lilly's route does that. Conversely, "Hiroyuki and Jigoro are brothers" doesn't make sense unless Jigoro took his wife's family name just to spite his brother.)

[Oddball]

Now, the other major error that gets discussed, Lilly being present at the end of Shizune's route... that one, I haven't seen any claims that it'll be fixed, so I operate under VN-trumps-devs (which is the normal rule, but when the devs explicitly say that the next release will fix it, I'll go with the devs). Besides, it'd need some heavy reworking to remove Lilly's scene from there. (And, using only information in the VN, Lilly being present at the end of Shizune's route can be VERY easily explained as "she came back because she didn't want to leave Hanako alone". Nowhere does that explanation get contradicted, and the scene where Lilly appeared at the beginning of summer break has Akira saying that they'll be back, so it sure looks like Lilly stayed. That's the only route that actually involves Lilly in any meaningful way that even goes past the first week or so of summer break, not even Lilly's route does that. Conversely, "Hiroyuki and Jigoro are brothers" doesn't make sense unless Jigoro took his wife's family name just to spite his brother.)

I also tend to like the explanation that she'll still be leaving the country but not until AFTER graduation.

[Mirage_GSM]

Unfortunately, beyond the entry-level nature of the writing, the premise that Miki so easily agreed to run with Emi despite the fact that in the VN itself Emi was upset that nobody on the track team was willing to run with her in the mornings kind of bugged me. When you have to contradict canon just to set up your story, you really haven't thought things through.

I'm not sure I remember the context clearly, but that could be something like Misha's "I get dizzy on stairs": something to guilt Hisao into running with her.

As for the bit with Shizune's mother and Lilly's father being siblings, I wouldn't be too hard on folks for that. The devs have stated that this was supposed to be the case, but it got flubbed in the release version of the game. It's also been stated that if and when there's a v1.2 (or whatever) that this will be fixed.

I remember this context clearly since I just today proofread that chapter of the translation. In that scene, Hisao meets Hideaki and Akira and learns about Lilly's and Shizune's relationship. Actually the only bit telling us that the fathers are siblings is Hisao's conjecture. He could simply be mistaken.
Regarding Lilly's apearance in Shizune's path - this will quite probably never be fixed, since they would have to rewrite the entire scene.